Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 1 Edit

A '57 Chevy.

A blow job in the car.

A bow and a card?

A captain? Instead of a waiter?

A color wrap.

A good idea is just to keep driving around and around.

A good lunch, this is the place to go.

A guy that has these shoes.

A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy. It's a little respect.

A little bit should be the operative word here.

A lot of things to do during the day.

A spider's touch

A weekend house or something. I don't know.

A world without pillows. A Twilight Zone episode, all the pillows, gone.

Aamco: Double A, M C O.

About everything that happened today.

About the possibility of me writing a pilot for her.

Actually I got a bill from you for $1,500.

Actually we're moving to Downey. I'm in Covina right now.

Actually, I was gonna apologize for sitting in your chair.

Actually, I'm in the middle of something right now, so...

Actually, let's go up and see the kids.

After Barneys the other day, we went out to lunch.

After we had intercourse, we got married very quickly.

All gone!

All right, best behavior, please.

All right, bye.

All right, bye.

All right, come on, Vinny.

All right, cool. So, you meeting your ex girlfriend for lunch?

All right, forget it, I'm all done here.

All right, here we go.

All right, I'll see you later, probably. I'm not sure if I'm going.

All right, I'll see you Saturday. You sure everything's all right?

All right, I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye, sorry to interrupt.

All right, if he shows up, call me.

All right, it's yours.

All right, look, set the alarm. Do you know how to set the alarm?

All right, okay, all right.

All right, okay.

All right, take care, goodbye. Say goodbye everyone.

All right, that's good. There's something else I've to tell you.

All right, very good.

All right, we'll think...

All right? I'm stuck with these shoes.

All right.

All right.

All right. See? Now, it's not so funny anymore.

All right. Yes! Go!

All up and down the beach, and hopefully get more people involved.

Allen and Pam from Philadelphia, her cousins, flew in.

Also, her mother was there, too. I forgot to mention that.

Also, I'm gonna need directions to get back to the freeway.

Also, I'm sorry about calling so late, but I thought the cut off time...

Although I don't think he'd bill it as that.

Ambrosia, you know, that fruit salad with the marshmallows...

And a card.

And a line right through the waiter captain.

And all that stuff, but I got a phone call the other day from Wendy Praeger.

And apologize to my parents. It's for me, they're here for another week.

And do something for you.

And get back to me about the invitation.

And go.

And guess what?

And he had to watch some Marx Brothers movies to actually resuscitate him, but...

And he just asked me if he could buy it for his girlfriend...

And he said that he's sorry.

And he thinks it's funny, is that what you're trying to say?

And he told me all about how you met at the Gamblers Anonymous meeting.

And he wants to have dinner with us on Thursday night.

And he was teasing me 'cause I was reading Dog Fancy magazine.

And he was with me today...

And he would make a "Z" on my tummy with a feather...

And her mother said to me, "That's my glass."

And here is a 30 percent tip, and he gets the whole thing.

And I actually just need a minute of your time...

And I ain't no fool for love songs

And I also had an altercation in the hall with one of your patients.

And I bombed, actually, and he got much worse...

And I came home...

And I don't know, she just mentioned she was going shopping...

And I expect to get paid. So I want the check today.

And I go:

And I guess I kinda told him "okay."

And I had no answer.

And I have these boxes in the middle of my living room...

And I just wanted you to come over here for one second.

And I keep waiting for the other girl to show up.

And I look over, and I see Maggie...

And I suggested you.

And I think, I really do want that bracelet.

And I thought, what the hell, I needed some stuff, so I met her there.

And I told her that you don't like people to stay in the guesthouse.

And I told you about my stepfather, and, what happened?

And I took a sip from a glass of water.

And I was thinking, maybe...

And I went... Like that.

And I will move, do you understand me?

And I'd be honored if I could do the play...

And I'm an incest survivor.

And I'm here!

And I'm not gonna say a word, cross my heart.

And I'm not into it.

And if a man answers, hand it back to me, okay?

And if we could, right now, put our hands together...

And if you could just make a phone call, make that happen, that would be so great.

And it butts up against a railroad track.

And it has been bugging me so much, I can't even tell you.

And it just kind of radiates?

And it looks great, by the way.

And it was platinum, it had little diamonds in it.

And it was the last two minutes.

And it's about a 35 , 40 minute drive between the two.

And knew who you were, and liked your work.

And my attention was diverted and...

And my fee, in advance.

And my Uncle Ned on my mother's side...

And my Uncle Pete on my father's side...

And next to them, Brian. You know Brian from the club, right?

And positions and technique, and, you know, undermining each other...

And really beautiful...

And ruined all my chances.

And said that she wanted me to write a pilot for her...

And say this with me:

And she leaned against the back of my hand...

And she said she was going to Barneys...

And she said, "Don't you tell me what to do!"

And she's bringing The Vagina Monologues out here, okay?

And so fun.

And so, I can't even...

And so, I didn't want to just turn...

And teach me how to make it.

And tell him I've got a time thing.

And tell me about... He dates those young girls...

And that crazy woman screamed at you, and it got you some pity points.

And that's Nancy.

And that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.

And the coconut and the cherries.

And the day that we got the call, I was gonna break up...

And the expressions sometimes, on the characters' faces...

And the next thing I knew, I said, "All right, I'll go."

And the table was good? It was great, wasn't it?

And the thing is, she's gonna ask me again.

And then I used a deodorizer spray.

And then later, with his sword.

And then they don't call you?

And then they'll say, "Well, we don't want to go with you."

And then, here's the coup de grâce, you look at her breasts!

And there's something called an incest survivor group.

And they have some very colorful characters.

And they were about to announce the best actress category...

And they were even bickering while they were having sex with me...

And this evening was the only time they could all get together.

And this is our number one rule here:

And this sort of establishes a circle of sharing.

And those are my notes, and these are my bills and stuff.

And those seats are like this.

And we managed to get a Paul Simon concert out of it.

And we spent time with her...

And we would play "Zorro and Consuelo"...

And what a great time she had, and I told her we had a great time.

And who knows, you know what? Maybe I'll be able to need a lawyer someday.

And you can see the new wallpaper. Come on.

And you could get the personal hygiene questions, okay?

And you just drew a line through my waiter captain tip.

And you know what? I passed by that jewelry store on 23rd...

And you said, no, I wasn't available, without consulting me.

And you wanted to already be free.

And you weren't?

And you'll have to kill me before I call her to do that.

And you're ready.

And you're the first people that have actually stopped.

And, became overly avuncular...

And, did not breathe a word of it to anyone.

And, John Debellis called.

And, Larry, by the way...

And, they just deny my existence, you know?

Anna?

Anna?

Any ideas?

Any time you want to go shopping, you let me know.

Anyone who comes in ahead of you gets your spot.

Anything goes wrong... She's not a big porn person.

Anything in that area, that family, okay?

Anyway, I hate to impose on you.

Anyway, I have the unlimited mileage.

Anyway, thanks a lot.

Anyway, what's going on?

Anywhere you want.

Apologize if you have to. Just say you're sorry.

Approached me and told me that they could help me with the recipe...

Are there always barns on farms?

Are you comfortable with that?

Are you even reading those directions?

Are you going to beat me up?

Are you joking me?

Are you joking?

Are you kicking me out?

Are you looking at my breasts?

Are you okay?

Are you out of your mind now? Get Julia back over there?

Are you sure that you qualify with your stepfather? Is that considered incest?

Are you sure? Because I couldn't tell when I put it on.

Are you working, what's going on in your life?

Arguing about who was gonna stand guard...

As soon as we get home, you can go right back to an 8.

Asteroid, hurricane, same thing.

At least an 8.7.

At least lie to us.

At least, please.

At the party, my wife told somebody that I didn't want anybody staying at our house...

Back support. I got a thing with my back.

Bad finger

Bad finger.

Basically.

Beautiful, first down, excellent. That's the call!

Because all the blood just goes.

Because any idiot could tell that was just material.

Because he was in the Beth Shalom choir.

Because I can't find my bracelet. You know the bracelet that you like?

Because I got them back at the bowling alley.

Because I have a lot of things going on in my life, too.

Because I took so long in your husband's office that day...

Because it is a few miles...

Because Maggie and Mike are going to Martha's Vineyard.

Because now I'm busy, and I can't talk to you anymore.

Because of one stupid little joke I made in the car?

Because of the tent in the pants, and she looked down.

Because penises don't look as attractive, and that's why...

Because that guy gave them to you by mistake the other day.

Because the entrées are cheaper à la carte, Mom.

Because you had an erection.

Because you're wearing your fucking shoes in my house!

Becky really wants to get married.

Before I would try and make a breast move, you know?

Before the movie started.

Berating each other while they were doing it.

Big fat guy, and a woman, a real jazzy number.

Bill and Hillary flew in this morning...

Bob Shaw called. He just wanted to say hi.

Bobby, what are you doing? It's so late. Go on upstairs...

Bobby? Great!

Both of them obviously drunk out of their minds.

Boy, this is very complicated.

Bring in the goddamn TV and be done with it!

Bring it by your house.

Bring your glasses, but leave your plates. Please do not touch your plates.

Brown shoes, they had tan laces.

But as long you're taken care of, I guess that's all that really matters.

But he asked lots of questions about my personal hygiene, too.

But I can make it out.

But I could stay hard the longest.

But I don't understand the "thought" part.

But I gave you the money, so give it back to me.

But I hope you enjoy your dinner nevertheless.

But I think your friend, Nancy...

But I try to be a nice human being. Forget about it.

But I was in the other room and I heard it.

But I was just wondering if they consider that incest or not.

But I'm hungry and we'll come back.

But I'm not really crazy about those camcorders.

But if you bring it with you, if you have it there...

But it doesn't work in here! It just doesn't fit!

But it was, nevertheless, a meeting.

But it's always been a dream of mine...

But just every week, I end up writing her an apology letter.

But now they think I don't want them staying in the guesthouse.

But really personal.

But Saturday night at dinner, could we maybe try to have an apology for this?

But she really has an inner beauty, didn't you think?

But she's gonna be laid up for a while, I'm afraid.

But thank you.

But there are only gonna be two of us.

But they don't have the tape and scissor.

But this is a young... This would be Keri Russell style, you know, Felicity.

But this pad is really important.

But we can't give preferential treatment here.

But we could have a very decent ride home with a 7.

But we didn't watch it when it was on, and now it's on the reruns.

But we have to continue.

But we were a little upset that there was no obituary.

But we're in the last two minutes of the game.

But what happened was, I got in a fight with Richard Lewis...

But you can never do that because...

But you couldn't be polite, reach down and pick up the ball?

But you don't have to learn any lines. You can use the script on stage.

But you gotta go someplace else for the paper.

But, anytime I want to have it, I can't.

But, I kind of feel like what happened...

But, you called him "Todd."

But, you can bring your ex girlfriends...

By five minutes.

By our genitalia...

By sundown? And is a posse gonna come get me?

By sundown? What are you, Gary Cooper?

By the way, I've got some more news, too...

Bye bye.

Bye, Cheryl. Nice meeting you.

Bye.

Bye.

Call me anyhow. I'm nuts! 'Bye.

Can I ask you a question?

Can I get you anything to drink, some coffee, water, juice?

Can I give you, like, 10 free passes? Do you guys bowl a lot?

Can I just say something here? Okay.

Can I see that watch there? Where'd you get that?

Can I see that? That is really sweet.

Can I tell a porn story?

Can we please go back to Colgate?

Can you believe that? Did you hear that?

Can you do me a favor? This afternoon, come by the house...

Can you figure this out?

Can't get close to a woman. It's a terrible thing.

Can't go on.

Can't we talk about stocks?

Can't win, really.

Changed policies?

Cheryl actually was just...

Cheryl and I were...

Cheryl bought the same bracelet that you...

Cheryl called. She wanted me to remind you to come home early tonight, okay?

Cheryl, come here for a second.

Cheryl, Larry, join us, we got the corner table.

Cheryl's home.

Cheryl's not talking to me, that's all.

Chicken I'orange, seafood salad, soufflé.

Cinnamon, his wife.

Come on in here. Hey, everybody!

Come on in, though. I'll show you around later.

Come on in.

Come on, "ruined it." If I did, I did you a favor, by the way.

Come on, give me five minutes.

Come on, it's the last two minutes. I'll be right up, okay?

Come on, sit down, Larry. Everybody, just dig right in.

Come on.

Come with me, please.

Congratulations on this. And your marriage and all this wonderful stuff.

Congratulations, she emerges.

Could you do me a big favor? I owe her money, okay?

Could you go with me?

Could you please do me a favor? I think you're blocking my car.

Could you please tell me what time that woman's appointment was for?

Crazy, Jesus.

Crushed. A '57 Chevy.

Cut my finger this morning trying to put that...

Dean, look, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. Remember? This is Dean!

Dean, your lawyer friend, I don't think he's competent.

Decaf doesn't work that well. That'll keep me up till 2:00.

Did anybody tell you you could do that?

Did he say anything to you?

Did he tell you this was a dinner party, Larry?

Did she have an attitude, or is it my imagination?

Did she say anything?

Did Ted Danson or Mary Steenburgen call?

Did Ted or Mary say anything about me?

Did we do something to offend them?

Did we not see a show on that boat?

Did you ever hear the word "decaf"?

Did you find a little brown pad, it has a little black trimming on the side?

Did you fly in from Florida?

Did you hear any of that?

Did you hear that?

Did you know that she stole my leftovers?

Did you park in an employee reserved space?

Did you say something? You didn't say anything to her?

Did you see my bracelet?

Did you tell Craig to break up with Becky?

Did you tell the caterer to take things home?

Directions for what?

Do me a favor, turn the air conditioner on, make it a little cool in there.

Do me a favor, will you?

Do me a favor. Call me back and leave me the number of your neighbor, the caterer.

Do me a favor. Let me take care of the sunglasses.

Do me a favor. When I die, let someone else handle the obit, okay?

Do the cast members ever come over to the house?

Do they come here and just hang out with you by the pool and...

Do they ever serve anything like chicken I'orange or tuna tapénade?

Do you care about the finger?

Do you get paid every time they show that?

Do you have any change on you? I need money. No?

Do you have any change on you? Just a quarter?

Do you have my watch, by any chance?

Do you have time, Larry? Come on, I'm serious.

Do you have to have this dinner party? Why do this?

Do you know how awkward that is?

Do you know how much longer he's gonna be?

Do you know...

Do you need a couple of minutes?

Do you see it?

Do you think I can call New York right now? I'm gonna call Seinfeld.

Do you think it would bother you throughout the day?

Do you think she would take it upon herself to...

Do you think that would affect you adversely?

Do you think that would affect you adversely?

Do you think that's a coincidence?

Do you think this is funny, Larry?

Do you think you would notice it?

Do you understand that? I'm pissed, Jeffrey!

Do you wanna bet?

Do you wanna know what this little shit took?

Do you want me to spell it out? Can you go with me?

Do you want somebody just mauling you all the time?

Doctor will be right in to see you.

Doctor will be with you in a few minutes, thank you.

Does he have the apple turnovers, or do you have them?

Does she ask you to go over the Neil Simon scripts at night?

Does she give you a script and go over the lines with you on the sides?

Does that look familiar at all to you?

Does that mean she's not wonderful or...

Doesn't matter what it is, it's a nice gesture.

Doesn't sound like it's fine.

Don't ask him how his day was. You know, let him examine you, you go out.

Don't bust my balls on this.

Don't ever put me on a speakerphone in your car...

Don't get so impatient, please.

Don't worry about it, okay? I'll be right down.

Don't worry, it's over now.

Don't worry, Jeff set up another meeting.

Don't worry. I would never betray you.

Don't you always keep extra rooms for people?

Don't you understand?

Don't, Larry!

Easily add two. Come on, join us.

Easily, I'd give you 15 minutes.

Easy, 99 88.

Either forgiveness or the sex.

Either just say, "Call me back," or tell me why you're feeling weird.

Elizabeth Taylor wears glasses. She has the exact same glasses!

Elizabeth Taylor wears the exact same glasses.

Elizabeth Taylor wears these sunglasses.

Elizabeth Taylor? You're kidding!

Enjoy the dinner, thank you.

Enjoying the chicken?

Enough with the "sick person," he's not a sick person.

Even before the movie, Larry said, "Look at these pants."

Even when I was dating, I would wait four months...

Ever eat over at that mission on Fourth Street?

Every day's a great day for me.

Every single time they get in this position.

Everybody stay here, okay?

Everyone sit down. There's glass on the floor. No one move.

Everything's gone!

Everything's heaven with him.

Exactly how much time, hopefully, everyone's gonna be saving...

Excuse me for a second.

Excuse me one second.

Excuse me one second.

Excuse me, are you guests at the hotel this evening?

Excuse me, could you help me out here? I'm trying to get to Jake's Way.

Excuse me, one at a time.

Excuse me, please!

Excuse me, sir, could you do me a favor?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. No, sir, no, I'm sorry. We will not be accepting that from you.

Familiar ways...

Fat man!

Finally, they got him out of the car...

Fine, you can go back to your Vagina Monologues. Thank you.

Fine.

First come, first served, it's unbelievable.

First of all, because he's fixing Jeff's car. I didn't want to start up with him.

First of all, I'm getting... I have that irregular heart thing.

First of all, they're not breasts, they're just big chemical balls, okay?

Firstly, there's no way I can have dinner with you on Saturday night. That's out.

Five have signed on. One couple won't sign it, they wanna meet us first.

For an aunt? For an aunt who doesn't even live where you live...

For an idiot like me to ever break up with a woman.

For calling me a fat idiot, listen.

For five hours, explaining to him why I hung up, and I don't want that.

For my guests!

For parking we take the money, but not from...

For somebody to wait till they...

For this policy, you don't need appointments.

For transmissions that I fixed six years ago.

For what you did for me? That was a wonderful dinner.

For years, I know her.

Forget about that tonight. You wanna play golf this weekend?

Forget it, I'm not gonna say that.

Forget it, these are extenuating circumstances.

From now on, you know what we'll have in this office?

Fuck him!

Fuck!

Fun, fun stuff.

Gentlemen, I cannot have the two of you standing in the lobby of the hotel...

Get out of here, you fucking piece of shit! Get out, you filthy animal!

Get the coats!

Get the kid to burn my house, so I don't have to worry about the wire.

Get the TV from the bedroom?

Gil Thilander.

Give me a few minutes, I'll be back, and we'll fix it.

Give me another 10 minutes with this lunatic.

Give me some bread, all right.

Give me your prescription and we'll make them prescription glasses.

Give me your prescription and we'll make them prescription glasses.

Give you a case, I'll throw in some lens cleaner.

Gives him pleasure to use the rental car anyway.

Gladys, I'll be right back. I'm just gonna get a birthday present.

Gladys, you're here, okay, Barbara? George, right here.

Go ahead.

Go back an hour and pretend this never happened, okay?

Go back an hour?

Go on in.

Go on.

Go up to my bedroom.

God, Larry!

God.

Going shopping at Barneys.

Good evening, how are you this evening?

Good for you, Wendy, do you need help?

Good morning!

Good morning.

Good night, nurse!

Good point.

Good to be home.

Good to meet you.

Good to see you.

Good to see you. And you.

Good, 'cause you're the only person I ever told about that.

Good, Cheryl and I are going on Saturday night.

Good.

Good.

Good. Good catch. Get out of bounds!

Good. On that note, if you'd like to share.

Good. Thank you so very much.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Got change for a $20?

Got her some roses. Boy, it's amazing how these roses work.

Grab a bagel from the kitchen and get out.

Great place, my wife jokingly refers to it as the house that cum built.

Great, '57 Chevy. I love those cars.

Great, Diane's been waiting, come on in.

Great, see? She never even saw the show, good going.

Great, we're all made up. Everything's great.

Great.

Griffin is my nephew.

Guess I'll go to a hotel.

Guess so.

Guess what I'm getting?

Had he been a kleptomaniac or another kind of maniac...

Had to taste a chocolate bar. "I'm in heaven."

Half of the waiter's? Half of my 20 percent allotment to the waiter?

Happy birthday.

Have a seat, read a magazine.

Have you heard of this new restaurant called Mama's Boy?

He broke up with her last night and...

He burned down the canteen, and the cabin, but they were both accidents.

He called, he said, "I'll be home in 20 or 25 minutes.

He can do that kind of thing.

He can't see, and you have intimacy problems.

He comes an hour late, and he wears shoes in my house?

He comes on The Tonight Show once in a while.

He could've invited me to go along with him. What's the big deal?

He didn't tell us the truth about what we had to move.

He does?

He gave them to me. What was he thinking?

He got an erection, it wasn't a big deal.

He got kicked out of the camp, he wants to stay at my house.

He has ransacked our entire house! Do you know what he took, Jeffrey?

He invited us to this party on Saturday night at his house.

He is an honest person. He's very honest.

He just kept repeating something about not being happy.

He just said no without telling me. So, that's what he said he was sorry about.

He keeps telling me every day, "Drop him as a client!"

He kept me waiting for 45 minutes because of his ridiculous...

He knows what he's doing.

He lived in Great Neck.

He looked like Tyrone Power.

He pushed me away because you said, "Sit anywhere you want."

He rammed us from behind and sped away.

He runs over to the craft service table, he comes back, his finger is red.

He said it's okay to start the salad, everybody.

He said not to worry, he said he's got good news.

He said party. I wouldn't go to a dinner party.

He seemed okay...

He set fire to the canteen and his cabin.

He should've said what it was. Now I have to think about this all day?

He started yelling back. The guy got so pissed off...

He talked about Aunt Louise and the minibar.

He talked to me, but I told him to wait till he got back to Tallahassee!

He took our wedding video, okay?

He used to be a porno actor like 15 years ago.

He wanted to play on the stairs, and my sister's like, "No, it's too dangerous."

He was a deceptive blind man.

He was a doctor, an osteopath.

He was so funny, by the way.

He would come into my room wearing a mask...

He'll be over in a little while. Thanks.

He's a eunuch. Yes.

He's a little off, I think.

He's a little strange.

He's a very happy guy. He enjoys things.

He's authorized to be there till 11:00 a.m. Tomorrow, check out time.

He's going to the same movie at the same time.

He's here because I'm paying for him.

He's just not gonna let me out. I'm just out of money.

He's moving to Covina.

He's not...

He's paying you money, though.

He's playing three nights, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

He's playing with my balls.

He's really good at impersonations.

He's right over there.

He's sorry?

He's teasing you all the time.

He's teasing, you know. Let's head outside. Let me show you the problem.

He's the man

He's very good. You told him about the Aamco thing?

Heaven, it was heaven.

Heaven, just heaven.

Hello, Cynthia.

Hello, Gwendolyn.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Yeah.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Hi.

Help yourself. Some M&Ms, Toblerone.

Her manager called you. Jeff Greene?

Her money up front, my money now, then we look at the finger.

Her relatives, her parents, friends, they came after me like a pack of...

Here it is. Thank you so very much.

Here she is. Hi, Lucy.

Here you go, Cheryl. Honey, you okay?

Here you go. These are good.

Here, I'll show you how it went. Here's how it went.

Here.

Here's a piece of gum.

Here's to the vagina.

Here's what to do. Here, hold on. Write down your name and number.

Here's what'll happen with that, pal of mine.

Hey, hold the door!

Hey, I remember your face!

Hey, listen...

Hey, Nancy.

Hey, you're gonna get miles.

Hi, Brad.

Hi, come on in.

Hi, Debbie, it's Cheryl David from last night.

Hi, Diane, I'm sorry I'm late.

Hi, Diane.

Hi, how are you?

Hi, I'm in here! Where're you going?

Hi, I'm the salesman from Barneys, Danny.

Hi, Julia.

Hi, Julia. Talk.

Hi, Kim, I'm Diane's assistant.

Hi, may I speak to...

Hi, reservation for 8:00, for David.

Hi, we're not in right now, so just leave a message.

Hi!

Hi! Oh, my God.

Hi! Please come in. Good to see you.

Hi.

Hi.

His testicles were cut off when he was about 13...

Hold the elevator, please?

Hold the elevator!

Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, how can I help you?

Holy cow, so you flew out here...

Holy shit!

Hopefully, but not me, of course, but I wish everybody good luck.

How about that?

How about that?

How about:

How are you doing?

How are you doing? Nice to meet you.

How are you, Gil? You sounded like my friend John.

How can you not help a blind man?

How come there are only three cars in the driveway?

How come?

How could I call them up and go, "We're waiting for your call."

How could you say "blind man," in front of a blind man?

How dare you?

How do I know now that you pay her money?

How do you do?

How do you feel about that? 'Cause that's the game we're playing now.

How else would we have resolved it so fast?

How long did you date before...

How many frequent flier miles do I need?

How much is he costing us? Larry, should I be upset about this?

How much is the commission? I'll pay it.

How was your meeting with Diane Keaton?

How was your NRDC meeting?

How weird to run into you at Barneys again.

How would one go about getting this gift wrapped?

How would one go about getting this gift wrapped?

How would you go about getting something like this gift wrapped?

How you doing?

How you guys doing?

How'd it go?

How'd that work out for you?

How's everything?

How's it going? It's football again.

How's Jeff?

How's my trooper?

How's your cousin, Griffin?

How's your mother and everything?

How've you been? What's been going on?

However, there is one tradition...

I agree with you there.

I already gave the attendant upstairs $10 for you.

I already...

I am getting a lot of hostility from you.

I am in pretty bad shape, if that's the case.

I am not interested in your creative input about anything.

I am pissed, because my whole life is now in shambles!

I am so blown away by how amazing were you today at Barneys.

I am so impressed that you would come shopping.

I am so sorry about last night.

I am sorry.

I apologized, it's not about that! It's not about that.

I bet in school, you didn't put the little penny in the UNICEF slots?

I bet you're talking about Campers.

I better write that down.

I bought them last night and somebody took them!

I broke up with her. That's great.

I can barely move. I'm just shocked.

I can degrade and defile her.

I can finish my own thought...

I can name sources! Sophia Loren was once a source!

I can see that.

I can't believe he did this. I'm very sorry, that's all I can tell you. 'Bye.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe that she's talking to you about this!

I can't believe they get paid every time it comes on.

I can't believe this woman stole our leftovers!

I can't believe we're actually meeting. This is great.

I can't believe you have to write it down.

I can't believe you stopped. I've been standing here for over an hour...

I can't believe you're even acting like you don't know why we're not invited.

I can't call her now. Won't she know you've told me this?

I can't deal with this. I am sorry.

I can't do anything, Larry, until you pay my wife's fee...

I can't do it because there's something wrong with my stomach.

I can't do it. Larry David, for Dr. Lynch.

I can't do that, Larry.

I can't even lift my sandwich.

I can't guarantee.

I can't impose more on that friendship. She's already done this favor for me.

I can't kick him out, we've got business to do.

I can't live with that wire any longer.

I can't see through them, but I can get an idea.

I can't wait here this long, really.

I can't wait to read this, I don't even know what to say to you right now.

I cannot believe this coincidence. I have been meaning to call you about Larry.

I completely forgot about that.

I completely understand.

I copped a feel off your mom? What are you saying to me?

I could make two minutes for you...

I could see how one could interpret that as a serious error in judgment.

I could see why you got hurt when I didn't congratulate you.

I could take that car apart and put it back. I'm sure I could take a look at it...

I could twist, I couldn't bend.

I could use some socks and underwear and stuff.

I dialed the number under John's by accident.

I did a favor for you and you walked over me.

I did a favor for you, and you messed me over once.

I did not rat you out.

I did the new Dark Shadows for some years, and then I did Rock Cop.

I did. I left my credit card here. I just had to run in for 30 seconds.

I didn't decide that. I'm gonna try, but I know...

I didn't even have to sell you.

I didn't even know he had a gambling problem until today.

I didn't even wear this thing. I should be allowed to return this.

I didn't know how I was gonna tell you.

I didn't know how to get in touch. I want to us to get together...

I didn't know it was you!

I didn't know that congratulations were in order when you get a new car.

I didn't know why you wouldn't help me.

I didn't know you were such a talented...

I didn't notice that.

I didn't pick up on that. You were hitting the ball so well.

I didn't suggest that you would.

I didn't take your bracelet.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings by taking it away fast.

I do, I'm trying to pull myself together.

I don't care that you sat there.

I don't care what you tell these people. We need to go.

I don't carry checks on me.

I don't do anything, yeah.

I don't even know if Brian has another in his shop.

I don't even know what they do, but I know they're doctors.

I don't even like to drive. And I don't like walking.

I don't expect her to steal our food.

I don't feel well, I really don't.

I don't have a check on me.

I don't have any idea what it looks like, it's all a hazy mystery to me.

I don't have any sweaters at all, and...

I don't have anything, because I gave my last $3 to you!

I don't have it, I'm out of cash. I'm an honest person.

I don't have it, though. It's not here.

I don't have the car.

I don't know how to... Firstly, it's none of your business...

I don't know if I can spend another evening with these people.

I don't know if I could switch to milk. You know, cholesterol.

I don't know what happened today. I hope everything is okay.

I don't know what happened. Maybe people finished them off last night.

I don't know what he's talking about. I'll talk to him tomorrow.

I don't know what the right word is. I'm flabbergasted, I'll tell you why.

I don't know what to tell you. She said, "I don't know...

I don't know what you want me to say right now.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know where we're going. I don't have any directions.

I don't know why I didn't think of this. Camcorder.

I don't know why I have to keep telling you that.

I don't know why you're quibbling about semantics here. You met her.

I don't know, I can't go home.

I don't know, I must have left it on the table or something.

I don't know, it was there.

I don't know, they might, I wouldn't bet on it, I would bring my own.

I don't know, they're really hard to get.

I don't know, what? You take a bath?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I thought somebody would teach me.

I don't know. I'm gonna check that right now.

I don't know. It's very weird.

I don't know. Maybe he's very upset about...

I don't like tuna.

I don't need the shoes anymore. That's not dishonest.

I don't need this shit, man. I've known her for six weeks.

I don't really know what she sees in him, but...

I don't really need the shoes now...

I don't say, "I think I can." I can make something happen.

I don't think anybody mentioned your name.

I don't think it's gonna be good.

I don't think it's insensitive. It's sensitive.

I don't think my wife is Hitler, I love my wife very much.

I don't think she'll mind. And she'll probably think it's funny.

I don't think that was the barn.

I don't think you know what you're talking about.

I don't think you're funny. I don't think this is funny.

I don't think... They don't let me into certain states, actually.

I don't understand how you give directions like this.

I don't understand it either.

I don't understand. What's going on? I came in before her, I signed in the sheet.

I don't wanna do a double goodbye.

I don't want her notes. I don't care about her notes. I don't need them.

I don't want to call him. His girlfriend picks up the phone...

I don't want to hear about it, okay? Here's the thing:

I don't want you walking around like that.

I enjoyed Baby Jane a lot, didn't you?

I feel like it's really starting to affect my life a lot now.

I forgot to call him back.

I gave her my last $20 and...

I gave it away to a homeless shelter.

I get it. It's no Swiss picnic for me, either.

I get sick of saying "Larry." So, I say "Todd" to strangers sometimes.

I get the distinct feeling that I'm, like, Himmler's ghost.

I go to visit my family...

I go to visit my family...

I got a cramp in my foot.

I got in a fight with his girlfriend...

I got my own problems. I'm a recovering alcoholic.

I got some good news and some bad news for you.

I got this guy, Gil Thilander, at the golf club.

I got this last week. I bet they still have this.

I got to tell you, I never heard of a 9:30 cut off.

I got your message.

I gotta go, he's charging me...

I gotta go.

I gotta go. Cheryl's home.

I gotta take my shoes off now.

I gotta tell you this.

I guarantee she's not gonna be there. She'll be here.

I guess he's got...

I guess I can have lunch, yeah.

I guess it's you and me, huh?

I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll have to arrange another meeting.

I guess we're all here.

I guess, yeah.

I had a colonoscopy two weeks ago.

I had dinner at his house...

I had sex with my uncle...

I hate her, man.

I hate messages like that.

I hate my friend's girlfriend. I don't wanna talk to her.

I hate to run you guys out, but I need time to collect my thoughts.

I hate watching them.

I have 10 minutes before the cut off time.

I have a pair of sunglasses here.

I have a prescription in my lenses.

I have a reputation, and I have a history with Diane...

I have friends there, we don't have to impose upon you.

I have never seen a bunch up like this in my life.

I have no idea, we're completely lost.

I have to get dressed up to go to this jewelry store.

I have to get going. I'm kind of delayed.

I have told people that my name was "Thor"...

I have unlimited mileage, I can drive anywhere.

I have unlimited mileage, I can drive anywhere.

I have, seven, eight porn tapes, a couple of magazines, all right?

I haven't worn this. I only wore this in the store the day I bought it.

I hear what you're saying, but I gotta tell you, Richie boy...

I held the elevator for you, so you can get on first.

I hope that you're a 9.

I hope you stay lost!

I imagine Cheryl told you what's been going on with Pat's company?

I just called to say hello.

I just can't believe that I have to deal with this!

I just don't like... There's no taste to that Indian thing.

I just got lucky, and his manager really was helpful.

I just got off the phone with Craig, and I wanted see if this rings any bells.

I just moved into the neighborhood...

I just wanna point out, if you're not gonna order dessert...

I just wanted to apologize for everything, and I wanted to let you know...

I just wanted to be clear...

I keep begging him to let us use it.

I kept her here as long as I could. What happened?

I kinda gotta get to the jewelry store.

I know at night, it would have an effect at night.

I know he is, but please, if you get rid of him...

I know how much he likes you, I just thought maybe...

I know I can make something happen.

I know I can't get a 6, that's out of the question.

I know my sources!

I know that face, that honest glasses face. It's the face of a liar!

I know we're all going to miss Louise.

I know what it's called.

I know what you're doing.

I know when I get these things and how they happen.

I know you were in the car, you overheard me say something.

I know your little game, and I'm not playing it.

I know, because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional.

I know, I'm sorry.

I know, it's horrible. I'll smooth it all over tomorrow.

I know, it's nice.

I know, the title...

I know.

I know.

I know. But she didn't mean anything that she said.

I know. We'll try. I'm not gonna give up.

I let a woman out first, she got in the office and took 45 minutes and...

I let my wife know before I go anywhere.

I looked in stores, I couldn't find any wrapping store.

I looked pretty carefully in here, Larry. It's not in the kitchen.

I love it.

I love that.

I love to see a black owner, black entrepreneurship.

I love to shop.

I love you, all right? We have enough good stuff in the bank to get over this.

I love you, I care about you, but I have a friendship with Julia.

I love you, nice to meet you. Hope I see you again.

I love you, too.

I made a left at the gas station a couple of miles back.

I made a left.

I mean you make a living off your tips.

I mean, all right...

I mean, do you want me to buy two pairs? What should I do?

I mean, it'll be fine.

I mean, Larry, that's a standard thing.

I mean, the box was entirely full.

I mean, this is ridiculous. She didn't even ask anybody?

I meant "beloved aunt," not "beloved cunt"!

I meant "sightless." I respect the blind as much as anybody.

I missed it...

I must've made quite an impression tonight to get that Paul Simon invitation.

I need a little help.

I need directions. Just fax them.

I need the keys.

I need the other $10 now. Excuse me, I'm gonna need the other $10.

I need you to do me a big favor.

I need you to get them out of there.

I need you to go into my house, go up to my bedroom...

I need...

I never made enough money to buy a house.

I never walked in New York.

I once performed for Norman Cousins in his hospital room...

I owe her $3, and I wanna pay her back.

I owe her money, I might not see her, and I wanna make sure she gets paid.

I owed her $3 and I paid her $20...

I paid her the money I owe her. I gave her $20.

I pointed out the pants to her before the movie.

I promise you, no way.

I put two and two together and thought the "L" stood for Larry.

I really appreciate it. I gotta go up there now.

I really don't know.

I really thought we had the deal cinched with the lawyer, with Jeff.

I saw it once, it was good.

I saw you in a production of Company in New York years ago.

I see you! Don't you try to run away!

I see. So now they think that we don't want them staying at our guesthouse.

I seem to remember her...

I specialize in the early model Powerglide transmissions.

I sponsored a kid from the inner city to go to summer camp.

I stayed hard for another two hours...

I suggest you talk to my new lawyer, okay?

I talked to you 15 minutes ago, you were 5 minutes away.

I think he's mad.

I think I charged $1,500, that's three hours...

I think I got the heat...

I think I left it in Julia's house, when I talked to her about Dean.

I think I saw. The guy at the podium. He pointed.

I think I'll get one of those apple turnovers from last night.

I think I'm in love and you might have ruined this for me.

I think I'm nauseous. She's certainly a lot different on television.

I think if you had been gone on a trip...

I think if you're blind, you have some...

I think it was, maybe, a little closer to him.

I think it's a little interesting...

I think it's better. Okay, Ma? He's gonna leave.

I think Larry will agree with me on this. We don't stand on tradition in this house.

I think she'll dig doing your party. Her food's awesome.

I think so.

I think that I'll save it for another meeting. I've taken up a lot of time.

I think there's a message for you from her, actually.

I think they're mine.

I think we made the wrong turn.

I think we're done here.

I think you could do it when you get home...

I think you left something like 30 percent for the waiter...

I think you should just leave!

I thought I was all paid up and everything, 'cause...

I thought I would, you know...

I thought it'd be funny if we get together, kick around some ideas.

I thought it'll be, like, a 9.

I thought maybe tomorrow, if you're up to it, we'd go to the outlet center.

I thought maybe, you might wanna write something for me.

I thought this party was in LA.

I thought this was a private conversation!

I thought we should just talk about this.

I thought you could help out, but I understand.

I thought you were taking it back. I was gonna say, are you crazy?

I thought you will be so pale. He will look so nice in...

I thought you wouldn't mind me having some.

I told him we'd go.

I told you about the pants, you didn't believe me. You scoffed.

I told you, 25 relatives had heart attacks in my family.

I took it out in her kitchen. That's the last time I used it.

I tried to save her and she screamed at me.

I understand.

I wanna talk to you about it. I'll be in my office, say, around 12:30.

I wanna thank you for that wonderful dinner you gave us last night.

I want change, that's $20.

I want to commend you all for having the courage to step forward.

I want to go home now.

I want to make one thing very clear.

I want to scream at them, "I'm here, I'm here!

I want you all to feel comfortable with each other.

I want you all to feel safe.

I want you to be comfortable, I want you to be okay, so...

I want you to know if you want to stay a couple of extra days in the house...

I want you to know.

I wanted to have all the loaded things.

I wanted to have one this morning, but they weren't in my house.

I wanted to just get this out in the open.

I was calling attention to it. You know, "Here, share this."

I was doing a scene and it was supposed to be a two girl scene, right?

I was emphasizing what an extravagant tip it was in some ways.

I was gonna ask you, is that minibar...

I was gonna buy you...

I was gonna get this.

I was gonna work out. Thank you for doing this.

I was here before you, of course I signed in ahead.

I was in the kitchen this morning reading the paper and Mary called.

I was just admiring your art here.

I was late. She left.

I was over there to break up with Becky.

I was renowned for being able to stay hard for hours.

I was talking to Richard Lewis on the phone earlier...

I was thinking about going to see that Dustin Hoffman movie.

I was thinking about playing some golf.

I was thinking the other day, how great it would be if Aamco paid me...

I was upset about the woman...

I was watching the football game. She'd been away for four days.

I was watching the game...

I was wondering what you were doing out here.

I was wondering, how's she gonna be on both?

I wasn't lost at the gas station.

I wasn't lost then.

I wasn't lost, 'cause I'm supposed to make a left at the gas station.

I wasn't worried because I have unlimited mileage on my rental car.

I went by that jewelry store on Wilshire and I found that bracelet.

I went in for normal tests, and he said, You're not going anywhere.

I went to Starbucks, they don't have it. I went to the gas station.

I will be there when they open the store. I will turn the key.

I will call you the second anyone calls, or he comes.

I will flip you out.

I will move before I make that phone call. Move!

I will pay you on Friday.

I will see you at the dinner party on Friday night.

I will, okay, thank you very much.

I won't grab anything, I'll just walk out.

I won't say anything.

I wonder if I could just take up a few minutes of your time.

I wonder if they thought that we were a good couple?

I work for Aamco. No, I'm not kidding you. I do.

I would never sue you, no.

I would never sue you, no.

I would say, "No, sit down, finish watching it."

I would've picked up the ball if I could bend down.

I would've told him it was the wrong thing to say.

I wouldn't defile you like that. You don't know what goes on there.

I'd almost forgotten about that.

I'd just as soon be friends with her. You can be friends with him.

I'd like to apologize for the necessity to crowd you a bit.

I'd like to buy a pair of sunglasses. It's a birthday present.

I'd like to make a bet that I'm not close to having a good time.

I'd like you to meet our new interior decorator, Carmen.

I'd love to have a cup of coffee with her or something.

I'd say, "Go, have some fun. You don't have to stay here and mourn."

I'd say...

I'll be home this afternoon. Please come by.

I'll be in the poorhouse.

I'll be out of here early in the morning.

I'll be up till 5:00 in the morning if I have a cup of coffee now.

I'll call Gil and he'll have the trainer send it to him.

I'll call her right now.

I'll call your house, and leave it with Susie.

I'll do this. I'll do it.

I'll dream about fucking your mother. "Sweet dreams."

I'll get it for you first thing tomorrow morning.

I'll get the white fish then, are you happy?

I'll get up and go down there.

I'll get your money.

I'll give them to somebody who likes me.

I'll give you $5 back on Friday, I promise.

I'll give you a ride.

I'll go get you another copy.

I'll greet them in the morning.

I'll just have some of that, for, like, a dessert thing.

I'll just say it: She played Elaine on the show.

I'll just say it: She played Elaine on the show.

I'll just take a quick look in the kitchen. I'll be out of here in a second.

I'll just take a quick look.

I'll kill you, Jeff! You're a cocksucker, motherfucker!

I'll leave it at the office.

I'll leave mine on, is that okay? They're completely clean.

I'll move the car for you. Just give me the keys.

I'll move your car, I'll put it in the space...

I'll need some information from you.

I'll pay for the lamp.

I'll pay you back, I promise. I'll pay you back $5, okay?

I'll see you this evening, thank you.

I'll sit by the door, in case you come after me, and I can run out.

I'll straighten everything out. I'm a master of supplication.

I'll take care of the labor.

I'll take care of the whole thing. No problem.

I'll talk to you later.

I'll tell them we're leaving.

I'll tell you about it, I have to go to the bathroom.

I'll tell you how I found out about that.

I'll tell you what, if we ride home as a 7...

I'll tell you what's not working for me: You.

I'll tell you, we waited.

I'm a doctor, I had to stop. Not that I could do anything.

I'm a very vivacious man.

I'm an antique jewelry dealer. You didn't know that.

I'm begging you. It's not what you think.

I'm calling...

I'm coming up in a second.

I'm completely nonplussed. Is that the right word?

I'm convinced you don't want to meet Diane Keaton.

I'm doing this scene, supposedly with two girls...

I'm driving the car and this Aamco commercial comes on the radio.

I'm dying to really start reading this. It was great meeting you.

I'm exhausted from picking up those shopping bags.

I'm finally in the house that Jerry Seinfeld built.

I'm Frank Sinatra, Jr., you're turning me away tonight?

I'm fucking this girl for three hours.

I'm glad I don't live here.

I'm glad I'm seeing you, because I've been thinking about you.

I'm going down. And this guy goes, I'll take care of it.

I'm gonna be handing her the gift. Isn't it obvious?

I'm gonna bill you for that, too.

I'm gonna bring back the young Sophia Loren.

I'm gonna call Jeff, okay?

I'm gonna call you back.

I'm gonna check the patio, because that's where we were talking.

I'm gonna dial a number. If a woman answers the phone, just hang up...

I'm gonna get a divorce, I'm telling you. I can't take her anymore!

I'm gonna give her $10. I'm giving her $7 more, all right?

I'm gonna give it back to him, don't worry about it.

I'm gonna have the Fish Frenzy.

I'm gonna pay for the labor.

I'm gonna stop this car.

I'm gonna take those notes, and I'm gonna shove them up my own ass.

I'm having white fish, isn't that right, sweetheart?

I'm incorrigible.

I'm just curious, okay?

I'm just glad you weren't in charge of the headstone!

I'm just so... I'm half asleep. But I turned around, it's not the girl.

I'm just trying to get back to the freeway to LA.

I'm just very old fashioned about that kind of...

I'm kind of tapped out.

I'm late for an appointment with Diane Keaton and it's important.

I'm looking for a pair of shoes. They're brown...

I'm looking for Jake's Way.

I'm looking for Jake's Way. I don't know if I passed it or it's up ahead.

I'm looking for the highway and I don't know where it is.

I'm missing something.

I'm more than happy to call her up.

I'm no good with stuff like that. It's too technical for me.

I'm not asking her again. You want to ask her, you go ask her.

I'm not contributing anything. I'm detracting.

I'm not crazy about you sitting around...

I'm not expecting both.

I'm not going to give the number. That's not the way I work.

I'm not gonna bring him.

I'm not gonna count this if I hear any talking at all.

I'm not gonna even tell you what they were...

I'm not gonna say I called her "Hitler" and your parents heard it in the car.

I'm not holding doors anymore, not letting women out first anymore.

I'm not kidding. I have to get to the kids' school.

I'm not looking at your breasts, I'm trying to get to my seat.

I'm not lying.

I'm not pushing, 2 minutes is pushing. 10 minutes is not pushing.

I'm not saying that.

I'm not sure what we can do about this...

I'm not with him.

I'm old friends with Gil. We've been buddies for a long time.

I'm on drugs, you know, I'm all doped up.

I'm one of the few guys in town that can do this.

I'm paying for his room. I don't want to anymore.

I'm really glad that I have run into you because I've been thinking about you.

I'm really not in the mood, to tell you the truth.

I'm really not sure that everything survived the trip here, so...

I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I'm saying I'd call you this week.

I'm sensing rancor.

I'm shocked. I'd like to do something nice for him.

I'm sitting here and elevator, and... Liar, the elevator!

I'm so sorry about your cat.

I'm so sorry we're late, hello.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, shit!

I'm so sorry, you okay?

I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry about this.

I'm sorry about...

I'm sorry I didn't congratulate you on your new car. Congratulations. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I offended you, it was meant as a joke.

I'm sorry to bother you, but I did a nice thing for you.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but I also gave notes on it.

I'm sorry you walked in on that. No. Don't, please.

I'm sorry, but that's standard practice.

I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was you, Mr. Doff.

I'm sorry, I forgot, today's her birthday. I'll be right back, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, is that okay?

I'm sorry, is that okay?

I'm sorry, okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I gave the money to...

I'm sorry. It's an awful thing.

I'm sure they didn't find anybody yet. Why don't you call her up?

I'm telling you.

I'm the solution to the problem, okay?

I'm too wound up right now.

I'm trying not to laugh, but that's funny. You'd better call me by sundown.

I'm trying to find a place for a table of two, and I just don't have one.

I'm trying to rectify the situation.

I'm uncomfortable driving it. I'd like to go back.

I'm uncomfortable in it. It's too new.

I'm very curious as to why you invited me to lunch.

I'm very sorry, we're completely filled to capacity this evening.

I'm very vulgar and... You might wind up suing me.

I'm your manager, I'm always available.

I've actually gotta get running.

I've already done that, and then I got to the gas station.

I've already said goodbye under the worst circumstances.

I've always wanted to drive around in this area for hours.

I've asked you before.

I've been going there since I was a kid.

I've been having soy for breakfast with my cereal, everyday for the last 10 years.

I've been so lost. I've been driving around for a half hour here.

I've been talking to Larry...

I've been trying to get a reading for that, and my agent's just dropped the ball.

I've been wanting to get in touch with you, and here you are, you're here.

I've come to tell you that I'm sorry about the other night.

I've done so much work trying to get this removed...

I've got 10 minutes, tops, that's it, because I got to get to school.

I've got a better idea. Hey, brainstorm.

I've got a lot that is almost like a t****zoid...

I've got a nice casserole in the oven right now.

I've got a zipper problem. I was gonna bring it over there.

I've got tests all week.

I've got to get a birthday present for Jeff's mother.

I've got to get out...

I've got to get rid of that wire. It's making me crazy.

I've gotta buy a belt.

I've had this belt a long time. I should have got that today.

I've just had it with you!

I've met her once before. She came over to my house, I told you.

I've never actually used it myself, but I think it works.

I've never been able to get you to go shopping before.

I've never known a man who loved to shop.

I've never seen a man take to shopping...

I've never seen you with shopping bags before.

I've never turned a piece of jewelry around this fast.

If he leaves that message, you don't know what it means?

If I brought the scissor and the tape to this party store you're talking about...

If I didn't have to, I wouldn't.

If I like her so much, how come I broke up with her?

If it happened, I would give you credit for it!

If it was her mother, I'd ask you to go back on the plane and wait...

If it was in the third quarter...

If it's between him fixing Jeff's car...

If my aunt killed herself, I'd encourage you to leave the house.

If my wife ever asks me again, which I'm sure she will, that's what I could tell her.

If that's gone, I'm gonna be hysterical.

If they punt, the way the Giants' defense is playing, they won't get the ball back.

If they took all the pillows away, there was no more pillows in the world...

If we don't get this cleaned out, you're gonna have a heart attack.

If we're gonna be making friends with them...

If you can make a joke, but don't make this awkward.

If you just tip them or something.

If you know any lawyer who handles such things, call me.

If you leave your house for 10 minutes to get a container of milk...

If you want to get that wire down, look for a house.

If you were watching the Oscars or something, okay...

If you would take your shoes off. Right there.

If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro is a bad maniac.

If you're gonna go get that stuff, you might wanna get a bow.

If your aunt died, I would be right by your side to support you.

If, for my mom's birthday, you got her a little gift.

In and out. I'm with you.

In case this wasn't enough for you.

In front of a jewelry store.

In the bedroom.

In the corner.

In the fireplace there...

In there, should be a pen and a piece of paper.

Indirectly, I was trying to give her the message.

Inside there, I have my porn collection.

Inside there, I have my porn collection.

Is he out of his fucking mind?

Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing.

Is it all right if we don't do it?

Is it her birthday?

Is it true or not that I have more, I don't know, serenity than you?

Is it?

Is looking at it gonna make it better? Let's go, come on!

Is she going out with anybody?

Is she married?

Is that a barn?

Is that in the same store as the scissor and the scotch tape?

Is that included with the whole thing?

Is that Saran Wrap?

Is that tin foil or plastic?

Is there an alarm code, or anything like that?

Is this your new office? How come you're not in your office?

Isn't he supposed to be here? Is he the one we had to meet?

Isn't that awful, Larry?

Isn't that nice? How did the obit go?

It can't be that bad.

It didn't go anywhere.

It doesn't affect you, does it, the glass on the floor?

It doesn't look good, that's all I'm saying to you.

It doesn't matter what time your appointment is for.

It doesn't work over here. You'll ruin the whole hearth effect.

It feels like some chick's tea bagging me, right?

It fell and you wouldn't help me out.

It had been trapped in the lawnmower...

It happens to be true. I am just saying, we're all the same.

It has nine months of ideas in there. It's like I've wasted nine months of my life.

It has to either be on a hand or on a mannequin.

It is not a good thing. I'm a recovering alcoholic.

It is the biggest crew guy we got.

It is?

It just seems like...

It may have dropped out of my pocket.

It must be hell living with Ted Danson. That's got to be hard.

It only took us about 20 minutes, door to door.

It really feels good to unburden myself, you know.

It really is.

It says, "$500 to the person who returns this to L. David."

It shouldn't take too long, you know? They look good, though.

It sort of makes it real.

It sounded like his horn.

It was a gift from Cheryl David.

It was an accident, you rubbed up against me.

It was an unpleasant meeting, it wasn't a long meeting...

It was cruel and not nice.

It was great to see you, I knew I'd see you again.

It was great. We're gonna have a big beach cleaning day.

It was in my house, under a cushion by the chair.

It was interesting. It was such a perfect length.

It was kind of a joke to me that...

It was like that when we moved in...

It was my idea to have you drive, but you know what?

It was my stepbrother. Does a stepbrother count?

It was nice to meet you.

It was rare, we got it in Brian's shop.

It was rotten, if I may say so.

It was rotten.

It was the radio!

It was the toaster and the hand. You rubbed against me.

It wasn't my fault. I was trying to get to my seat.

It will help. Ma'am, can you come for one second?

It would be best if you go back to your room.

It would help me so much if you could just help me.

It would not kill you to make a phone call, and ask her if she could reschedule.

It would put you one up on me in that case, though I did try and stop a woman...

It'd be great, considering what's happened between you and them...

It'll save us a lot of time.

It'll take me two seconds, and I'll be out of your hair.

It's "E I."

It's $2.20 for now, for parking.

It's $7 more than I'm supposed to give her.

It's 4:30 p.m. Maybe we should call them.

It's 9:30 for us.

It's a 10:30 cut off.

It's a bracelet. It's not on a hand.

It's a disgusting theory at lunch, I'll tell you that.

It's a few miles, it's closer. And you get to take the 710 versus the 10.

It's a little drab, I think. It looks a little drab.

It's a lot of work for volunteering.

It's a stop sign over here, okay?

It's a typo, it's "aunt"!

It's a typo. Don't you see? It's a typo!

It's a very racist term, but I'm okay with that.

It's about 25 minutes, a half hour it'll take us.

It's beautiful.

It's because they are so offended...

It's completely unprofessional.

It's complimentary to you that you're not involved in that.

It's crazy. Kathy's the only one I don't understand.

It's gone, you fucking, motherfucking...

It's her birthday.

It's just a custom my wife started in the house.

It's just absurd!

It's just been...

It's just...

It's killing me.

It's like a shirt and a jacket.

It's like half jacket, half shirt.

It's me. The point is, you met her.

It's Monday. What do I do on Monday nights?

It's not a face of a liar! That's not nice and not true!

It's not gonna be funny, is it?

It's not gonna be funny. It'll be very tasteful and appropriate.

It's not like having a kid.

It's not my fault.

It's not obvious! Look.

It's not really a blood relative.

It's not really a good deal...

It's not really necessary to comment at this particular time.

It's not right. You're in a doctor's office, don't chitchat.

It's not weird that he would give me these shoes?

It's only about 20 minutes. I need it for my cardiovascular.

It's only two yards that you're gonna get. So what? You don't need two yards.

It's our business.

It's personal, everything's personal.

It's platinum, it's got little diamonds.

It's quite scenic, don't you think?

It's really scary to say that.

It's right in the front center.

It's so different to walk in and actually see you guys together.

It's so gorgeous out, we haven't talked, let's walk.

It's so hard to get anything absolutely guaranteed.

It's so insignificant to me, the whole thing!

It's something to do with muscles, I think.

It's the cutest thing, you gotta come up, right now.

It's the name he gave me.

It's the same as my home number.

It's true, I'm a drug addict now.

It's very hard to extricate myself from mourners.

It's very interesting.

It's very wrong. It's so wrong.

It's what she thinks, what can I say? Sweet dreams.

It's your back, right?

It's, you know...

Jake's Way is not marked, there's no sign for it.

Jake's Way, I've never heard of Jake's Way.

Jeff and I were gonna play the new computer golf game.

Jeff called and left a message on the machine.

Jeff says she's great. Don't dismiss it so quickly.

Jeff wants to see us in his office tomorrow.

Jeff, you never told him about my trouble sleeping?

Jeff!

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, that's so not how it should go.

Jesus!

Jesus.

Johnny Goldberg.

Johnny Walker?

Julia Louis Dreyfus is not showing up at his house...

Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?

Julia, over here.

Just a little lunch.

Just assume that I want it all the time...

Just bring the TV in and stick it...

Just curious.

Just fine.

Just hanging around, talking to Larry.

Just my parents, they're in town.

Just representation stuff.

Just right around the corner.

Just tell her that it's from the bald guy with the glasses.

Just tell her you're not happy. That's very good, that works.

Just throw a little chair and I'm good.

Just trust me on this for a second. Get the keys.

Just watch for the barn.

Kathy Griffin.

Keep your appointments.

Kind of scared me a little bit.

Kismet. Isn't that what it's called?

L.D.

Larry and I were just wondering where the leftover food is.

Larry has laid his cards out on the table.

Larry, Aamco.

Larry, come here for a second. Look who's here.

Larry, come here!

Larry, come here!

Larry, come, it's so cute.

Larry, go home, please.

Larry, go! If we find it, we will bring it over, okay?

Larry, go. Okay? Just go!

Larry, I gave that to you as an anniversary gift.

Larry, I need to talk to you about something very serious.

Larry, I ran into Diane Keaton's agent.

Larry, it's Diane Keaton.

Larry, it's Jeff.

Larry, let me see those glasses again.

Larry, Mike Duffy. The Aamco guy.

Larry, we were gonna go out to dinner on Saturday.

Larry, we've been driving for an hour.

Larry, why? How in the world could you get in a fight with...

Larry, you gotta take this little lady on a cruise.

Larry, you sat down, and everything was fine...

Larry, you're an animal!

Larry?

Larry.

Larry's gonna come over and pick it up.

Lassie Maven?

Last night, I was talking to Allison about our house in Martha's Vineyard...

Laughter is a great healer and you've gotta have a smile.

Let an asshole kid into our house, okay?

Let me ask you a question.

Let me ask you something.

Let me ask you something.

Let me ask you something.

Let me explain something to you. I can't give you everything about her.

Let me just check that office for one second.

Let me just show you out.

Let me just take a look and I'll steer you.

Let me put my glasses on. I can't see a thing without my glasses.

Let me see this thing that we wasted our whole lifetime trying to get.

Let me show you, I'll get the pants!

Let me tell you something, Larry. Jeff's computer golf game is gone!

Let me tell you something, my days of elevator etiquette are over.

Let me tell you something, okay, John? I didn't ask her to read that script.

Let me tell you something.

Let me tell you something. Saturday night, do me a favor.

Let me tell you, cruising is... It's the best trip we've ever had.

Let the machine get it, it's okay.

Let the waiter give the captain 10 percent if he wants. I'll give the waiter the money.

Let's call him and tell him it was a mix up, and not to get it for his girlfriend...

Let's do this obituary thing, okay? You have a pad?

Let's get back to Martha's Vineyard for a second.

Let's go back already.

Let's go. Thanks for lunch, by the way, and thanks for the penis talk.

Let's just wait a second.

Let's pretend it never happened.

Let's relax for a moment, okay?

Let's see, Jake's Way.

Lexus man!

Like I said before, it's our busy season, and I got some things to take care of.

Like the fucking 3 year old that you are. "I don't care about the money."

Like you want to get something buried, you don't know if it's guaranteed.

Like you would know what that message meant.

Like, thousands of volunteers, and we're gonna have booths...

Listen for a second.

Listen to me, that kid, he called me, begging me to come stay with me.

Listen to this, "I say, 'You look great.'

Listen to this:

Listen, anyway, if you wanna try again, give me a call at home.

Listen, everybody, have a seat wherever you'd like.

Listen, I know who you are.

Listen, Larry, can I speak to you just for a second in the back room?

Listen, Mom, you're welcome to stay with us as long as you want.

Listen, please, I'm asking you.

Listen, we'll go out to dinner, and then we'll stop by the party.

Listen, we've had some reports of prowlers in the area.

Listen, who's in your car?

Listen, you guys...

Look at me, can you look, can you respect... I drove down in rush hour.

Look at that, what rhythm she has.

Look at the license plate. Get the license plate!

Look at this.

Look at this.

Look at this. Shoes.

Look at this. What should we do?

Look at you, Norman Vincent Lewis.

Look right in the front part.

Look what's doing here.

Look, no one was killed, no one was hurt.

Lose the splint, unless you saved the fork and you got yourself a pair.

Louis from the bowling alley called and he said to call back right away.

Lovely.

Lucy Montone is out, she's made her last appearance.

Lucy Montone?

Lucy Montone.

Lying man! Liar, liar, pants on fire!

M. D: "Makes Decisions." What have we got?

Maggie and I are gonna go there, but we're not gonna barge in and invade your privacy.

Make a hole in my belt. I must have lost weight or something.

Make an L F T. Left.

Make you do some readings at night with her in bed?

Make yourself at home, all right?

Man, listen...

Man, oh, man!

Man, they shoot themselves in the foot...

Mar'!

Mary's mother?

Maybe I have one more, I'll have to look.

Maybe I'll call her.

Maybe I'll call in for next week. Wouldn't that be nice?

Maybe it is best if you go now.

Maybe next time you'll remember to pick up the fucking golf ball.

Maybe on Friday you'll get to know her a little bit better...

Maybe six days, a week.

Maybe they'll have them.

Maybe we can stop and pick up some Tabasco.

Maybe when you asked me, I had something to do, I don't know.

Maybe you do, maybe you don't.

Maybe you don't have all the facts and details.

Maybe you just figured wrong.

Maybe you should bend over and kiss my ass.

Meanwhile, he hasn't said anything about last night. So, at least he's working on it.

Melissa Winnaker, or Winoker.

Melissa Winnaker, or Winoker.

Mickey Mantle might not be there.

Miss Winokur's, 11:45.

Mom, Dad, Larry's here.

Momma, you have to come.

More than liked, I loved it.

Most people have a 10:00 or 10:30 cut off.

Mr. David, the doctor will see you now.

Mrs. Steenburgen!

Much appreciated. 'Bye.

Must go on.

My appointment was for 11:30, yours for 11:45.

My back was killing me, I couldn't bend down.

My back.

My car's blocked in. I don't know if it's from this restaurant.

My cat died.

My dad wants me to drop you as a client!

My drawer needs $3, I'm sorry.

My feet have a tendency to get a little chilly when I take my...

My first perpetrator was my grandfather...

My friend, my manager actually knows somebody at the paper.

My front door.

My God, you must have thought I was such an asshole.

My God! Then I stormed out, and I told her to get another actress...

My gosh, look at this!

My gosh. And then you couldn't do it after she killed herself.

My grandmother's brooch is missing. I could not replace this item.

My mom says, "I've raised four kids, I..."

My name is Cynthia, and I'm an incest survivor.

My name is Michael.

My name is Todd...

My name's Gwendolyn, and I'm an incest survivor.

My number is 310 276...

My wedding video is gone because your fat fuck manager over here...

My wife is upset.

My wife tells her friend I'm looking for somebody to go to the movies with...

My wife's obsessed with taking it down because it's ruining the view.

My wood starts going down, and I haven't even shot yet.

Nancy saw this in New York and said that it's, like, the biggest hit.

Nancy, it didn't happen, okay?

Nancy, this is why it's funny...

Nancy's a friend of Cheryl's, and a friend of mine, too.

Next time, there'll be a space for a lieutenant...

Next to him is Jackie and Paul.

Next Tuesday, right?

Next Tuesday. I know, because I bought the tickets.

Nice to meet you, I'm Melanie.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

No comment until the time limit is up.

No question, I pick it up.

No wonder. Look at you.

No, 10:20, you called, 10:00 the cut off. If you called at 10:01, she'd be just as mad.

No, all you're doing is giving it to her.

No, both.

No, but we can certainly get the group together...

No, but you know what's interesting?

No, c'mon! Can't I ever have a normal dinner party?

No, don't do that, that's crazy.

No, her sister and her sister's boyfriend and her parents flew in.

No, I am in the middle of this!

No, I am not kidding. I read your script, I billed you.

No, I did not! Richard said bring it in the bedroom.

No, I didn't!

No, I don't know.

No, I don't think so.

No, I think it's a good theory.

No, I thought I saw a bug, that's creepy.

No, I thought it was interesting.

No, I thought it was perfect on you.

No, I work on commission, okay?

No, I'm an 11.

No, I'm gonna go pick it up before I go to the jewelry store.

No, I'm not, as a matter of fact, I have the script right here.

No, I'm really sorry.

No, if it's your stepfather, Larry, it's considered a date.

No, it was. It was up higher.

No, it's 9:50.

No, it's not about that. I got it.

No, it's nothing. I'll just talk to him tomorrow.

No, Larry, honey, that's my water.

No, let me fix you a plate.

No, listen, I've got to read this before I meet this woman tomorrow.

No, my shoes are brown and they have sort of tan laces.

No, not the whole time. She made a brief appearance and said, "Goodbye."

No, okay, I gotta go.

No, she went to visit her mother in Tallahassee for four days.

No, something's up with you.

No, that's a mistake.

No, that's gonna be weird for you now, after I get the shoes back.

No, that's not weird. What's weird is that you would put them on.

No, that's not what's all that really matters.

No, the waiter's...

No, the whole thing. By the way, I still have his $10.

No, they gotta be.

No, trust me. That fucking brooch better not be missing.

No, we heard it. We just feel like...

No, we just, you know...

No, we really need...

No, we went last night.

No, we were gonna call you.

No, we were supposed to, but that fell through.

No, we'll go back in a while. Drive a little bit more.

No, we'll go to a ballgame some time.

No, we're not gonna give up on it just like that.

No, you tell him I'm gonna give it...

No, you're coming.

No!

No!

No? Good.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. He's got caller ID, and I'm gonna be on the phone...

No. She read it, though. I saw her reading it.

No. Waiters don't tip out to waiter captains, and I make a living off my tips.

Nobody else knows about what happened, except for, you know, my stepdad.

Nobody has to explain. They just say it's personal.

Nobody is gonna wanna see her on another awards show.

Nobody told you you couldn't, great.

Normally, when we have good service, we get tips.

Not by the pool, but they have come over, yes

Not embarrassed for me.

Not everyone's a moron I go out...

Not in their kitchen, in front of their daughter in law and son...

Not Lucy, not any of the ex girlfriends.

Not now.

Not one. You're not the first person we've turned away.

Not really.

Not that I know of, and, I think I'd probably be aware of that one.

Not that long. We were friends for a while and then...

Nothing gives me more pleasure than cracking an egg.

Nothing hurts. You're all set.

Nothing. I'll make you some omelets.

Now her ex boyfriend.

Now we see people on the basis of their appointment time and not their arrival time.

Now, I came home, and I thought it was really funny...

Now, it's appointment.

Now, this is a woman who knows seven languages.

Now, was the ball closer to him or to you?

Now. It'll make you feel great, it's fun! You'll feel good driving it.

Now...

Obituaries, it's in the back there.

Of course they're not gonna call us.

Of course, both would be great. That would be ideal.

Of course, those are cookbooks.

Of course, you know, I've never actually seen the vagina with my glasses on.

Of course, you know, I've never actually seen the vagina with my glasses on.

Of course.

Of small bottles, and I like them.

Of the gay Jew cousin. I gotta go meet them for lunch.

Oh, boy!

Oh, God, all right, I'm gonna be back in 20 minutes.

Oh, God, Larry.

Oh, gosh, thank you.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, jeez, look at this. What a mess.

Oh, my God, you know what? I gave the $20.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my... Are you okay?

Oh, no.

Oh, shit!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah.

Okay, all right...

Okay, but can you do me a favor, please? Tell my parents you're sorry.

Okay, but, and I'm not sure this means...

Okay, can I tell you something, my friend?

Okay, Diane, I'll call you when I get the material.

Okay, everyone, let's have a little dessert. Everyone, please, in the other room.

Okay, get out.

Okay, I hear that all the time. I need the money.

Okay, I realize where it is.

Okay, I thought that the husband was supposed to be here.

Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Okay, just let me get... Okay.

Okay, Larry, you need a spare, this is for the team.

Okay, next.

Okay, once in a while, give it a try, that's all I'm saying, okay?

Okay, remember when we were dating...

Okay, she's not just beautiful, and she's not just talented. She's sublime.

Okay, thank you. Everybody's a comedian.

Okay, that's $3.

Okay, they look like a soccer shoe, almost.

Okay, this is my husband, Larry.

Okay, this is the living room.

Okay, this is the part where you guys say, "Hello, Cynthia."

Okay, we have a divergence of opinion. This happens all the time in law.

Okay, we're gonna have to get going.

Okay, why don't you just watch your game?

Okay, yeah, I love you, too. Okay, bye.

Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna call back.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Okay. I'll go get the paper.

Okay. I'll go get the paper.

Okay. Listen, thanks. It's Mike.

Okay. She must have my turtleneck.

Okay... You know what? I'll put this away, I'll be right back.

On occasion, I make up stupid names for myself.

On the driving range the other day? You're the guy from the driving range.

Once I go to sleep, then I have to take a Xanax!

Once you've got the outfit on, you might as well wear it to its completion.

One more thing, all right?

One on her mother's side, one on her father's side.

One person complains, everything gets changed?

One person sees it one way, another person sees it another way.

One phone call, one small favor...

Only you gotta stick it up your ass.

Open it up, move the linens, move 'em to the side, push on the back door.

Open it up, move the linens, move 'em to the side...

Or any combination of that.

Or even weirder that you left without even your shoes.

Or ex girlfriends that you know.

Or him staying in our guesthouse, Jeff's out of luck.

Or is it "ranker"? "Rancor"?

Otherwise I'll be making moves all the time. Do you want that?

Otherwise, I'll see you on Saturday night. All right, bye.

Our manager will work out the bill with you, if you come back tomorrow at 10:00.

People at doctor's offices can't talk, is that a rule?

People from Brooklyn don't walk around like that.

Personal? What are you, insane?

Phil Scheff called. He said you can call him whenever you want.

Phyllis has just had a complete...

Piece of gum?

Pity points? Fabulous! I love pity points.

Please come in.

Please don't give this tape to your friends anymore, the tape of the movie.

Please sit down.

Please, do.

Please, don't.

Please, I am a reasonable person. I want the check today.

Please, I am a reasonable person. I want the check today.

Please, my pleasure.

Please, no.

Please!

Please. Thank you.

Point well taken, I'll have them write a letter of apology.

Potato chips on the way to a dinner party?

Pounding, for hours.

Pretty good.

Pretty lady.

Prick!

Push on the back door, and it'll open up.

Q tips? Okay. Yeah, I'm writing it down.

Quickly zip in, zip out, and tell them, all right?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? I didn't hear the phone ring.

Reducing the tip to the waiter...

Relax back there!

Remember that everybody: Step counts.

Remember that trainer...

Remember this? You told me to give this to her?

Richard!

Richard?

Richie boy!

Right after today.

Right now, on the TV?

Right this way.

Right, yeah, come on, take a look.

Right, yes, I know that's impossible...

Right, you know what? Call Mary first, figure out what to wear.

Right.

Right.

Right. If it still goes. Our caterer just canceled.

Right. It's for reading your script.

Same hat, no string...

Sammy is asleep on the floor, he's got his arm around Sarah.

Saturday night?

Saturday, 7:32 a.m.

Schmuck! Listen to me for a second!

See you, good to see you, Cheryl.

See you. What was that?

See, Barneys salespeople, they're practically psychic.

See, Mom, I told you, he's got a very, very sweet side.

See, you got a new client. Did you think you'd come and get a new client?

Seemed like she overheard something, and she had a weird look on her face.

Seinfeld, Larry David, thank you very much. Come on, let's go.

Seriously.

She brought it over from Russia, from a pogrom. She was in steerage.

She called up to talk about last night, actually...

She comes home with two minutes left to go in the game...

She didn't say anything to you about it?

She does, 'cause one of her actresses dropped out...

She doesn't even move her knees to let somebody in?

She doesn't have to know you gave it to me because she left it on my machine.

She doesn't understand that. I am not embarrassed.

She even asked the group leader. The group leader said that it is incest.

She had seen you in a play years ago.

She had sex with her grandfather, and both her uncles...

She had to stop, she's gonna finish next week.

She just got this today.

She kicked me out of the house.

She kicked you out?

She left it on the machine. You heard her.

She looked at it. She looked down.

She looked over and she looked at your crotch?

She made some significant notes on that script.

She read it as a professional courtesy to you, as a friend of yours.

She rubbed up against the back of my hand!

She said, "I've got personal reasons. I can't do it."

She said, "Larry touched my bosom for several seconds."

She signed in first, we saw her...

She thought that there was some garbage there.

She want the earth tone, Larry. I think earth tone is over.

She wanted to get a better look at her face in it...

She wants Cheryl to do The Vagina Monologues?

She wants to bury it underground.

She wants to go.

She was interested in me writing a pilot for her, he never told me about it.

She was looking in the toaster and I was holding the toaster...

She was moping around. I'm saying, "What's the matter?"

She was rubbing your arm? Why were you rubbing his arm?

She wasn't even done, she had more.

She wasn't even sure if that was incest, and I completely understood.

She worked hard all her life to give that to me!

She wouldn't let me go and we got... He wasn't there.

She wouldn't say something she didn't mean.

She's a great caterer.

She's after me. She's supposed to be after me.

She's all freaked out.

She's an actress.

She's been on the phone all morning with her boyfriend...

She's directing The Vagina Monologues, that show, in New York...

She's given up her career to work full time for the environment.

She's got a bad attitude, doesn't take part in lesbian scenes...

She's great.

She's heard every one of them. You wanna tell it?

She's like a prima donna. I don't need any prima donnas, you know.

She's married. I'm a married man.

She's not gonna do it. That's all, I don't mean to...

She's really in bad shape. And this car, this beautiful car.

She's sarcastic wonderful, or just...

She's sitting on the aisle. She doesn't expect somebody to come in?

She's so perfect for this thing, too. Perfect.

She's very nice.

She's very sweet. I'm taking a leak, the movie's about to start.

She's wonderful.

She's your friend.

Shit happens. That's great.

Shit.

Should you go to the party with your back, can you bend over with your back?

Shrewd? He's a wire lawyer, I know.

Sir, do you have a room key here at the Roosevelt?

Sir, you asked a favor of me and I helped you out...

Sit down.

Sit, why don't you sit?

Smarty pants. Closed.

Smokey got me floor seats to Paul Simon.

So I feel that, and I think that other girl's shown up.

So I need the $10 back now, because I paid her the $20.

So I think I'm gonna go out for a while.

So I turned around, and I started yelling at the guy.

So I'll get the prescription for this thing. We'll get that taken care of.

So I'm going to the movies with my wife's friend, who I find really annoying.

So I've got two lines up in Downey, and two lines going in Covina.

So it's not about the policy at all. It's more just about you going first?

So my parents are very sensitive to it.

So she couldn't come.

So tell me about the trip. What...

So that's our story, in case my wife ever talks to you, Kathy...

So they eat this gourmet food? Catered food?

So they took me into the house, into a back bedroom...

So what happened to the policy?

So what? Come on, like we're in New York again.

So whenever you want it, just tap me on the shoulder.

So you think you can take care of this, this obituary thing?

So you're moving to Covina?

So, a shopping spree with the girls, Larry?

So, anytime you want to have it...

So, can I follow you over there?

So, can we, maybe this week, have lunch?

So, even if you wanted to do it, you couldn't?

So, how do you know her?

So, I can wear them? All safe?

So, I don't want the bracelet because we made up?

So, I don't want to go alone...

So, I guess it's a legitimate question, but, the answer is, "Yes."

So, I'd be happy to order it for you. It would take a couple of days.

So, imagine what we've been talking back and forth about.

So, is he going?

So, it was an error on your part?

So, it was really uncool to just leave that message, "I'm sorry," on my machine...

So, it'll probably be a few minutes from now.

So, it's 30 percent, is that what you're saying?

So, it's, like...

So, Lar', did you like the silk Giorgio blouse or no?

So, my Uncle Nathan called and he's coming to LA.

So, not quite sure how to tell you this...

So, now I'm put in a bad situation.

So, occasionally, I don't really know what mode of transportation to...

So, what are we gonna do? What do you do?

So, what else is new?

So, what's the deal here? Why'd you call us down here for?

So, you did what you did, and it wasn't very nice...

So, you give both.

So, you know they changed the policy, right?

So, you're going to put up a sociopath for a couple of days?

So?

So...

Socialize...

Society frowns on relationships between men and women like that.

Some Goldsteins, a Schwartz, okay?

Some people go farther down, but most go to the chest.

Somebody lost a bet.

Somebody owes somebody...

Somebody spent a lot of time getting my hair to look just like this.

Somebody told me today that too much soy makes your brain shrink.

Something, kind of a personal nature. If you don't mind?

Sometimes it gets so bad you can hardly breathe.

Sometimes they're mysterious sources, I don't know where it comes from!

Sometimes when we're not together, I go to restaurants.

Sorry about the mess. It's our busy season.

Sorry for calling so early. I'm feeling weird about something that happened last night.

Sorry for coming over so late...

Sorry to interrupt, but I dropped the food off at Jeff's.

Sorry we didn't get a chance to play that running charade.

Sorry, I got to hang up, I'm at the lawyer's now.

Sorry, okay.

Sound like you're in the schmata business.

Soup and peanut butter.

Speaking of, I'm supposed to meet the director tomorrow at 11:30.

Start e mailing each other? Summer vacations?

Stationery store for the scissor and tape...

Stay here, do your work, and I'll just go move the car.

Stay right there. I wanna show you something.

Stick it in the recess of the fireplace.

Sticks it up my ass.

Still crazy after all these years

Still crazy after all these years

Still crazy after all these years

Still, to print this... Cheryl must be so upset.

Stop it.

Sunday night? We thought it was last night.

Sure, no, I don't care, no, that's fine.

Sure.

Survived the trip here?

Susie asked you to come upstairs? My parents are mad you didn't.

Susie was pretty pissed off. She's really upset.

Susie will be here all day Sunday. She will not be leaving here.

Susie, it's Larry. Did I wake you?

Tabasco sauce!

Take a deep breath.

Take Lakeside...

Talking about old times, what was that?

Tapped out?

Tell her I'm an idiot, don't say I'm a fat idiot.

Tell her what you were telling me the other night.

Tell her who you are.

Tell him I said hi and give him my best.

Tell me about Jerry Seinfeld...

Tell me if I'm going over the line here...

Terrible accident. Lots of traffic, confusion, and so on.

Thank God you're here.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so very much, Richard.

Thank you so very much.

Thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you very much. Can I just have the paper back?

Thank you, Carmel. Did you wanna check on the buns out back?

Thank you, I appreciate it, you're a good man.

Thank you, I would not expect you to get involved.

Thank you, Larry. Thanks, Richard. And, you rule. Thank you.

Thank you, sir, I wear prescription. Thank you very much.

Thank you! I'll see you in a week.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Larry David, co creator of Seinfeld?

Thank you. You've come in and you said it.

Thanks a lot for that chicken, that was highly appreciated.

Thanks for letting me share, thanks so much.

Thanks for ratting me out to Becky, really appreciated it.

Thanks for telling me.

Thanks for the hotel room. I appreciate that.

Thanks for your advice.

Thanks so much for loaning it to me.

Thanks so much for stopping.

Thanks so much. Okay, thanks, all right.

Thanks, Carmel.

Thanks, just put it on the table.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That all being said, I want to remind you...

That all of a sudden they'll be friends?

That bracelet today.

That chick you had lunch with...

That could be something serious. You know, my father had a '57 Chevy.

That has nothing to do with you, okay?

That he would give me those shoes?

That I am absolutely thrilled...

That I didn't want people to stay in the house in Martha's Vineyard this summer.

That I particularly enjoy, and please join me.

That is idiotic, we're here, just go in. It'll take three minutes.

That is so insulting. How dare you?

That is so sexy.

That is so unfair. That's terrible.

That it could have been a barn? There's no cows in barns.

That kid that I sponsored, the one who set that fire...

That lamp looks very familiar.

That makes sense, doesn't it?

That sarcasm is not working for me at all.

That seems so sudden. I was just there.

That sounds good.

That they have to be in love with us to have it.

That was a good show, Friends. Did you have anything to do with that one?

That was a good time.

That was crazy, but that pad was just so important.

That was cute.

That was flopping, this was not flopping.

That was fun.

That was good, Rock Cop.

That was great, Mel. Thank you.

That was just so insane. I completely apologize.

That was maybe an encounter, but that's not a meeting.

That was sweet of you.

That way, we see as many patients as possible in a given day.

That we just ran into that woman, Lucy.

That whisper in my ears

That would be nice, because we hate flying.

That would be, that'd be kind of weird.

That you write your ideas down on? I don't know where that is.

That'll score some big points with the family.

That's a collection...

That's a friend of mine.

That's a good policy, me first, that's the policy.

That's a joke, right?

That's a mango chutney that I made with my own hands.

That's a mystery to you?

That's a policy?

That's a privacy thing with my client. I can't do that.

That's a privacy thing with my client. I can't do that.

That's all I'm doing, is looking for Jake's Way.

That's all it took for you to stop helping people.

That's better.

That's bizarre, don't you think?

That's even an understatement, because that guy is costing us, how much money?

That's fair, that's completely legitimate.

That's fascinating, I didn't know that. No, it's true.

That's fine with me.

That's fine, don't worry about it.

That's fine.

That's fine.

That's fine.

That's for sure.

That's for the paper. They don't have the scissors and the tape.

That's good, how you just did that.

That's great. I still haven't heard from Ted and Mary.

That's great. So, now what?

That's hilarious.

That's horrible, I had no idea.

That's horrible. Tell me exactly what has to be done, because that has got to be fixed.

That's how I'll walk around. You know, I need borders, I need boundaries.

That's how they do it here.

That's interesting.

That's ironic. Are you gonna be all right driving after we drink?

That's it.

That's my specialty, length.

That's neither here nor there, really.

That's not a "How dare you." What do you mean, dare? I'm not dare...

That's not a push. That is right in the wheelhouse.

That's not that weird, I had nothing else to wear.

That's one of the most insensitive things you've ever said.

That's one of those things you go... Wow! Blue Label!

That's pleasant news. That's nice to hear, isn't it?

That's possible. Although last night, he didn't seem to mind at all.

That's quite correct.

That's really weird.

That's right.

That's so awful.

That's some courtesy. I'd like to get courtesy like that from everybody.

That's sweet, but I think you're thinking of Jami Gertz.

That's the name of the brand.

That's the way we're gonna do this.

That's too bad.

That's very special, isn't it?

That's weird.

That's what I could do. I wasn't the biggest, all right?

That's what I thought, okay.

That's what I wanted to talk about. You should've sat at the head of the table.

That's what I was afraid of.

That's what I'll do. All I need from you is $2.20 and we done.

That's what she should be reading!

That's what we're saying.

That's what you wanted, you met her. Isn't that fantastic?

That's where it belongs! Are you questioning my sense of space?

That's where it belongs! Are you questioning my sense of space?

That's why I'm with her so many years. I am sorry, I can't give you the number.

That's why we can have sex with anyone and they can't.

That's your own deal, Repression Jones.

That's your problem.

That's your theory for everything, isn't it?

The actress?

The alarm's gonna go off, they'll be a SWAT team descending on me.

The bad news is, you did some damage to the transmission.

The blind man misled us, though.

The books are split between Covina and Downey...

The camp called.

The camp's gonna charge me. They're trying to get me to pay.

The captain's gonna be horning in now on my allotment?

The captain's horning in on the waiter, 'cause most people are probably...

The car is fun!

The caterer canceled?

The coats are probably a good idea.

The computer's gone, the TV's gone, the new DVD player's gone.

The cowboy hat with that bolo string, what is that?

The first door on the left. He'll see you in a minute.

The good news is, my rash cleared up.

The guy could've killed us!

The guy doesn't like tuna.

The guy wouldn't give me back my own $10.

The guy's a total prick, he'll do a good job, believe me. Pricks are good.

The keys in the drawer there. Grab them, I wanna show you something.

The man with the Midas touch

The minibar?

The next incident was at a family reunion...

The next time you do one of these things, I want some **** in the house.

The only thing they serve is soup, and sometimes peanut butter.

The osteopath?

The other night when you called your wife "Hitler"? My parents were in the back?

The other night you just said all I have to do is tap you on the shoulder...

The parking space is "heaven." It's all "heaven."

The Paul Simon concert? You're coming with us tomorrow night.

The piece of gum he had, "Oh, this is heaven."

The Polaroid, I'll get the Polaroid.

The policy of the office is, you are seen as you come in.

The Pope is being shooed out into the street.

The prostitutes don't mind it.

The reason I'm feeling bad is that Maggie mentioned something to me...

The restaurant called while you were in the shower.

The room's paid for through tomorrow. The cards have been run for this evening.

The shame is that I could never be friends with her, you know?

The waiter didn't give you any money?

The way our Larry took to shopping.

The whole thing, okay, really.

The whole time they're telling us about anonymity.

The woman leads a decent life and this is how she ends up? "Beloved cunt"?

Then I feel her fingers on my balls, and I'm not even looking.

Then I started rubbing your arm, you got a hard on.

Then maybe a colonel, tip the colonel. "How much, Colonel?"

Then she had sex with her stepbrother.

Then suddenly, after a couple hours...

Then why don't you call her tomorrow, and you can ask her about...

Then you should probably go to a party store...

There are cows on a farm.

There are no pillows. There's cushions to sit on, but no pillows.

There he is, hi, Lar.

There is a little bit of a problem. Remember the other day, you were leaving...

There is no table for two available for another hour and a half.

There it is. That's what we've been looking at day and night.

There was a cow there, does that mean, what?

There was a reason I came over.

There was a three hour difference...

There was an accident on the 405, a one car accident.

There was something hard in there and it was your dick!

There was something in your eyes.

There was, maybe... There was three pieces of chicken.

There's a feeling of anger.

There's a guy in this hotel, his name's Craig Butler.

There's a little bit of jalapeño and a little bit of Tabasco.

There's a party, they probably don't hear the phone.

There's a prowler outside. I'm really scared.

There's a reward involved in that.

There's a space for a captain, and a space for a waiter.

There's a space here to tip a captain?

There's an Asian woman who works here?

There's anything you want to add, tell me, I'll get it in.

There's no game! What do you mean?

There's no hostility, there's no anger. Can I just have the paper back?

There's no need to get upset.

There's no question of loyalty here! She's given me her number!

There's no reason to wait or anything.

There's no wrapping stores anywhere?

There's nobody else you feel comfortable going with?

There's obviously nothing out here.

There's one more event I'd like to talk about. I'm not sure if it counts.

There's some good width in that movie.

There's stables on farms, right? Not necessarily barns.

There's things we can't replace, like my grandmother's brooch...

These are my friends, Connie, Robin, from the Mommy and Me class.

These are my workout clothes!

These directions are shit, you know that?

These guys have heard half these stories.

These things, these erection things?

They are doing a lot down there.

They can tell ahead of time.

They consider that incest.

They get a little crazy, my parents.

They had laid out platters of great food, one of which was my favorite dish...

They have kids.

They have proofreaders at papers!

They have to really love the man to get involved with their penis...

They haven't come in yet, but as soon as they do...

They invited us to see Paul Simon at the luxury box.

They invited us to this concert for Friday. It's Wednesday, it's plenty of time, right?

They just aggravate me so much.

They know they invited us to the concert. They're obviously deliberately not calling.

They might, honestly, I don't know, because my wife wraps everything.

They put it underground. It's environmentally safe.

They said to tell you they were sorry and they'll call you tomorrow.

They should be right in the drawer there. Yeah, okay.

They want me to pay $17,000 in damages. Me!

They were right next to yours. I put them up there by mistake.

They were.

They'll talk on the phone, go out to dinner, go to the movies?

They're beauties. Elizabeth Taylor. It's no joke.

They're delicious, by the way.

They're here, they gotta be here.

They're here, they made it.

They're just things. We can replace everything.

They're mad at me?

They're not as big as normal.

They're not my shoes.

They're running, what idiots! Do you believe this team?

They're very sensitive about it...

They've got black bubbles on the bottom.

They've got the ball on the 35 yard line.

Think it was too small for a barn. It looked more like a stable.

Thinking about Lucy Montone, or other women...

Thinks she got me aroused in the movie.

This has to be buried.

This is a big deal.

This is a dinner party?

This is a man's jacket. I love buying men's jackets.

This is a very nice item, this thing. It's a half jacket, half shirt.

This is all we need, "Mr. Wake me up in the middle of the night!"

This is Cheryl, Larry's wife, this is Jeff's parents.

This is fantastic.

This is from Cheryl.

This is great. Don't worry, we'll take care of you.

This is great. Look at this table.

This is horrible, I'm so sorry. Please accept my apology.

This is insane!

This is just bad timing for me.

This is just so outrageous. Do you know this woman?

This is my momma, from Arkansas. This is Anne, this is Larry.

This is not my problem, this is your problem.

This is outrageous, it really is.

This is really crowded.

This is ridiculous.

This is so great!

This is stupid. Just go.

This is the best one in town, right here, it's the best one.

This is the director, Wendy. This is my uncle, Dr. Gordon.

This is the same bracelet I was gonna buy for my wife...

This is the second time you don't have money for parking.

This is very disrespectful.

This is very exciting, I know you're busy with your charity work...

This is very heavy.

This is very unprofessional, if you ask me.

This just seems very odd. Listen, do you guys know each other?

This means that today I don't have to cut myself or put cigarettes out...

This means the world.

This my own money, I put it in drawer. Okay, you owe me $3.

This one's yours.

This was a wonderful night.

This was based on your idea the other day.

This whole thing has disaster written all over it.

Those are napkins.

Three pieces of chicken?

Three, four.

Till I tell her?

To do all the injection molding.

To do that, we have to get signatures from adjacent neighbors.

To have people over your house and serve them food and talk to them?

To help me move them to the corner, so I don't trip over them.

To listen to what happened, and see how you're doing.

To make this house completely perfect.

To meet Julia Louis Dreyfus, just meet her in person.

To the left of the TV, there's a cabinet by the bookcase there.

To the left of the TV, there's a cabinet by the bookcase there.

Todd?

Try calling my new lawyer.

Try not to die.

Try to think about my fingers once, will you?

Turned down a bit.

Twins.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. This is their policy, okay.

Uncle and I, we'll be gone. Goodbye. You're gonna do great.

Unfortunately, that's me.

Unless he's feeling weird that he took my seat.

Until I moved to Los Angeles, I was never in the same room as a caterer. Ever, once.

Up at our house in Castaic.

Use your credit card. I'll pay you back later today, I promise.

Used to be first come, first served.

Very good, thank you very much.

Very hard to get along with.

Very mysterious. This key right here...

Very nice!

Very nice.

Very sorry, and when I do this?

Very.

Wait a minute. I think I can see my reflection in here.

Wait a second, hold it.

Wait a second, is that somebody?

Wait a second, you read my script?

Wait a second.

Wait a second. You know what it could be, too?

Wait for me outside. I'll meet you after the show.

Wait, first of all, I didn't even have to tell you the story behind that.

Wait, what time is it?

Wait!

Wait!

Waiting policy that he has, I missed my appointment with Diane Keaton.

Wake him up, get him out, that's my room.

Walking out with a platter, to the car.

Want to go for a walk?

Was I in the mix there?

Was it burned to the ground? Are you sure it's him?

Wave goodbye. It's good to see you.

We actually just got the contract for Diet Rite...

We are filled to capacity, sir.

We are in California now. You've gotta try a different way.

We are moving from, get this, from Covina to Downey.

We both did, yes.

We called three times.

We can't sit two in a four, we can sit a four in a four...

We can't sit two people at a table of four...

We can't take money from people.

We can't talk about it.

We changed the policy after we had the discussion at the beginning of the week.

We could've worked through that.

We did a good thing, but I... Who knew?

We did nothing to each other...

We don't have a child, do we?

We don't have it in anything but a 9 right now.

We don't know where to go...

We don't want them staying at our guesthouse.

We gotta get some with the wings on them. Go to Ethan Allen.

We had a gay cousin that escaped Nazi Germany...

We had a hell of a time putting him to bed.

We have a policy in this office that you are seen as you sign in.

We have total anonymity here.

We left three messages already.

We need our time alone.

We never had this conversation, by the way.

We ran into this woman, who happens to have really large breasts...

We saw a production of Annie Get Your Gun that was better than anything I've seen.

We should invite...

We talked about it. The thing about the pilot, yeah.

We used to go out.

We wanted you to look at the kid?

We went over to his house the other day. It's Julia.

We were a good couple tonight, don't you think?

We were at this jewelry store a couple of weeks ago...

We were gonna go two nights, Friday and Sunday.

We were in the car.

We were so hungry, that we had a bag of potato chips in the car...

We were surprised the freeway was virtually empty.

We will cancel the check if we don't get the food back.

We won't do any clamming in Martha's Vineyard.

We would never do that. Tomorrow night.

We'd already made up.

We'll be out in 10 minutes. We'll say hello, and we'll leave. It doesn't matter.

We'll come back, let's go eat.

We'll go in, it's a party. We'll just say hello and that'll be it.

We'll go this summer, we'll go clamming together.

We'll take a table for two, then.

We'll take the courses as they come along.

We'll take the table for four, there'll just be two of us.

We'll think of something.

We're already finished, so it doesn't matter.

We're counting on you being there.

We're fans. And we wanted you to come Sunday night.

We're going out with the Davids Saturday night.

We're going to go listen to Paul Simon. We have the luxury box.

We're gonna get moseying.

We're gonna go eat.

We're gonna go out. Let's make it like a leisurely dinner, if you don't mind.

We're gonna meet his wife.

We're gonna take off. Goodbye.

We're having dinner with them on Saturday.

We're in the kitchen. She wanted to try on the sunglasses again.

We're never gonna get rid of that wire in the backyard.

We're not going out with Richard Lewis and his girlfriend on Saturday.

We're not gonna stay long. We just came to wish you luck.

We're very busy tonight, fortunately...

We're, like, in the boondocks.

We've already had intercourse. She's loving, she speaks seven languages...

We've been going to Martha's Vineyard for years.

We've got this wire in our backyard.

We've got to do this more often, don't you think?

Weinstock.

Well, don't let me stop you, I mean...

Well, I can't do anything right now.

Well...

Wendy, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am...

Wendy, that's not...

Were you at a picnic when you hurt yourself?

Were you really?

What a beautiful person, not only on the outside...

What a beautiful person, not only on the outside...

What a combo.

What a day.

What a great time.

What a job you have. You have to write people letters?

What a moron!

What a process this is, a bow and a card...

What a racket you've got going.

What about dinner? Are we still on for dinner Saturday?

What about his shoes? Wear those. Are these his shoes?

What about that blue shirt I had with the zippered...

What about the guy who took my seat? What was that about?

What am I dealing with?

What am I gonna do, switch to milk now?

What are the odds of an Aamco guy?

What are they gonna say?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? I didn't know you were gonna be here.

What are you doing in there for 45 minutes anyway? Are you okay?

What are you doing now?

What are you doing today?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Really?

What are you looking at?

What are you thinking?

What are you touching here? Your belly button?

What are you, nuts?

What could I have done to make him feel weird? I can't think of anything.

What could you possibly do with them?

What did he say? What happened?

What did I do with that?

What did you do with all the chicken?

What did... Get out of... Oh, my God, why didn't he get out of bounds?

What do think would be the appropriate time...

What do you get? Ten percent of my salary, ten percent of my food?

What do you mean I give both? What am I supposed to give?

What do you mean? I've got Julia Louis Dreyfus in his house waiting for him!

What do you think, I was born yesterday? Come on, buddy, cough it up!

What do you think? Does everything look all right?

What do you want me to do?

What does a captain do?

What does he expect to gain from such a meeting?

What does he think? He'll go over there, she'll be so charmed by him...

What does the colonel get?

What happened downstairs when you got home.

What happened there?

What happened was, Kathy Griffin had called him...

What I need is the computer.

What I'm saying is, she can find a table for you.

What if I get in an accident on the way home? What about that?

What if Kathy called you up...

What if something you cared about was missing?

What in the name of God am I gonna do with a TV in my room? I'm blind.

What is it, like a bakery? You pick a number...

What is it?

What is it? Did I do something?

What is it? It's tuna.

What is said in this room, stays in this room.

What is that about?

What is that? What are you doing?

What is this about?

What is this compulsion...

What kind of guy would take somebody else's shoes?

What kind of human being are you?

What kind of message is that to leave at 7:30 in the morning?

What kind of people invite you to go to a concert...

What kind of present is that? Not wrapped nicely.

What kind of prick doesn't pick up somebody's ball?

What made you decide to go shopping?

What shoes?

What should I say?

What should I say?

What the fuck are you doing here?

What the fuck was that about, calling at 10:20 at night the other day?

What the hell are we gonna tell her?

What the hell are you doing over there? He's supposed to be here!

What the hell was that? Come out of there with your hands out.

What time did Dean leave?

What time?

What was going on in there? What, were you chatting?

What was her reaction?

What were you doing in there for 40 minutes?

What would I do there?

What, are you kidding?

What, are you kidding? I love to shop.

What, do you have to be sarcastic?

What, is there a hurry?

What, is there a message on this thing?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? It says that in the paper? Let me see this.

What? We got a paper, that's what.

What? What do you have to say, nothing?

What'd you think?

What's all that about?

What's going on?

What's in that?

What's that?

What's the guy, 40 years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis Dreyfus!

What's the level of anger here?

What's this all about?

What's this, another half hour now?

What's weird is that you'd take shoes that don't belong to you and put them on.

What's weird?

What's with your waiting room policy? I don't get it.

What's wrong with you?

When a woman sucks your balls, she's tea bagging you.

When are you guys going back?

When he stopped actually being fun, I stopped actually liking him.

When he was on his deathbed. He requested me to do five minutes.

When he was on his deathbed. He requested me to do five minutes.

When I was 12.

When she talked about Clinton. She knows Clinton and Hillary.

When she told me a "Larry" kept her waiting, I should have known it was you.

When the gardener came over...

When were you gonna learn?

When you get back to Florida.

When you make appointments, keep it!

When you walk through my door, you play by my rules!

When you were looking around last night...

When's the next fight? Maybe I'd like to see it.

When's the next meeting of the Young Republicans' Club?

Where are we, out here?

Where are we, out here?

Where are you going now?

Where did you come from, the Sudan? What are you talking about?

Where do you get them?

Where do you want the mattress?

Where the hell is my pad?

Where to pick up the tickets, we don't know anything.

Where were you? You should've come.

Where you can get gift wrapping paper.

Where's all the food from last night? Where are the leftovers?

Where's my pad?

Where's Ted and Mary?

Where's the chicken?

Where's the Hallmark?

Where's the rest of it?

Where's your wife?

Which was really odd because they never really got along.

While I'm on the subject...

While they did it, they were fighting over who'd guard the door.

Who asked to look at my watch? He never gave it back.

Who gives a shit? I didn't ask her to read it.

Who gives a shit? Looks okay, what's the difference?

Who is Gil?

Who is this captain out of the clear blue sky?

Who is this guy?

Who is this schmuck, fuck face lawyer you set us up with?

Who the hell's that?

Who was about to get hit by a car, I screamed, "Watch out!"

Who you don't see that often...

Who you going with?

Who's a very dashing, handsome man.

Why am I the one that always has to initiate sex?

Why are you listening to me? I don't know what I'm talking about.

Why can't you just lighten up and have a good time?

Why did we move it in the bedroom then? Why is it in the bedroom?

Why did you have to tell her?

Why did you have to tell her?

Why did you think you could take the food home with you?

Why didn't you go in the gas station and say you were lost?

Why didn't you just say, "Except that chair, that's my chair"?

Why didn't you tell me that she was rubbing your arm?

Why do there have to be 300 pillows on the bed?

Why do you think? We're men, right, and men need it more.

Why don't we go and get a little cappuccino and some pizza.

Why don't you go buy yourself 10 apple turnovers?

Why don't you have a seat?

Why don't you have a ticket? We can all take numbers.

Why is he with Jeff?

Why not?

Why would she care?

Why would she think that?

Why would they decide that they don't want to go with us?

Why would you do that?

Why would you do that?

Why, what are you talking about? Why not?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why? What did you do?

Why'd I ever call this guy?

Winokur? Dr. Lynch is ready to see you. Room 8.

Winokur.

With all due respect to your ordeal...

With his own hands, and some hammers. He actually worked on it, like Jimmy Carter.

With their grotesque penis.

Would it have killed her to leave a note?

Would you like a ride?

Would you mind handing me that sport jacket, please?

Write down your number. I'll call you immediately when I see them.

Yeah okay, go ahead.

Yeah, and its tail had been trapped...

Yeah, and then you broke that lamp...

Yeah, at the Crest.

Yeah, cut off time's 10:30. Everybody knows that.

Yeah, great! So, it's nice to meet you.

Yeah, he's going, but you know, he's got a date and...

Yeah, how does that feel? You okay with that?

Yeah, I can't wait to see you and Pat.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I heard it's great.

Yeah, I know, that's so cool.

Yeah, I love that.

Yeah, I saw you in that hurricane movie.

Yeah, I'd really like to.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

Yeah, it was fantastic.

Yeah, Jeff Greene. He's with Jeff.

Yeah, matter of fact, I think she wore it today.

Yeah, nice meeting you.

Yeah, no ex girlfriends.

Yeah, no, he would love to go with you. This is perfect, hold on.

Yeah, okay, I'II...

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, she left.

Yeah, she's gonna think it's really funny.

Yeah, so how do you guys know each other?

Yeah, so she knows who the gift is from.

Yeah, so...

Yeah, that way we can get rid of him.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah, that's right. You better start thinking about it.

Yeah, they have good seafood.

Yeah, they make it sound like they don't wanna talk about it.

Yeah, they were in your slot.

Yeah, we'll do that on the way out.

Yeah, we're supposed to meet him. It's just another 10 minutes.

Yeah, why didn't you say something?

Yeah, you called security...

Yeah, you know what?

Yeah, you remember her from...

Yeah?

Yeah? How come you're doing that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. He's going to that Dustin Hoffman movie.

Yeah. That's the telephone drawer, so there's not gonna be anything in there.

Yeah. You like it? It's interesting, don't you think?

Yelling at each other.

Yep.

Yes and no.

Yes, as a matter of fact I did.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I know, it's a terrible imposition. I'm sorry.

Yes, the only thing is, it's opening in a week...

Yes, they can't just have sex with any man.

Yes, you pushed up against my hand! I didn't do anything!

Yes. I have you for a party of four.

You all right? You got really upset, didn't you?

You and Cheryl got married?

You and your fucking little soccer shoes in my house!

You are living next to...

You are never filled with any gratitude. You have no gratitude.

You are so lucky to have such a funny husband.

You asked me to waive the deposit and I did that for you.

You better find yourself another mode of transportation.

You better watch him, miss.

You broke up with her?

You came down the hall, you wouldn't let me get by you...

You came! This is one of my best friends.

You can get away with anything.

You can get it tomorrow.

You can give me a Swanson's turkey dinner and I could care less.

You can have it.

You can't give your friend money? That's a strange policy.

You can't say anything about what's being said in the room.

You can't spare a quarter?

You can't wear that. What happened to the outfit I got you last week?

You cannot buy your way out of this situation.

You cannot mention one word...

You cook?

You copped a feel off my mom, you gotta go.

You could check.

You could move over a little bit now because he's not sitting there anymore.

You could probably go to a stationery store.

You could stay another day in the hotel.

You did?

You didn't happen to pick up my credit card at lunch today, did you?

You didn't hear any of this...

You didn't know where you were going. In my book, that's lost.

You didn't mention that Miller turns into Jake's Way.

You didn't see it?

You didn't tell me the whole story, thank you!

You do one nice thing. I assume it's the first nice thing you've ever done.

You don't ask somebody to go to the movies when you have a date.

You don't even know if that... There's a lot of papers to be signed.

You don't even want it. Why do you want it over here?

You don't have a room for me in this hotel tonight? Not one room?

You don't have to have a card, I'm just saying.

You don't know her that well.

You don't know their brand name?

You don't know where the Hallmark is.

You don't want any part of that world. You don't want to be involved.

You don't want my service, it's fine. But you owe me a check.

You don't want your wife to discover your porno stuff?

You dropped the food off at Jeff Greene's?

You ever thought about that?

You filthy beast! You coward!

You fire me, that's fine. You don't have any taste...

You fucking asshole, you coward!

You fucking turd! Get out of here!

You get it to me by 4:00 and I'll fax it over to him.

You get me money. You never have money for parking.

You get over a lot of things that way.

You give the waiter what you want and the captain half.

You go to the chest.

You got a license, you got a blind license?

You got a little scruff going. It's cute.

You got any spare change, man?

You got it.

You got my number. Call me. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

You got to do something about this. I mean, it's really...

You got two and a half minutes to go, you got to get out of bounds.

You gotta get her a gift.

You gotta get out of here at 7:00 in the morning.

You gotta go.

You guys, it's dinnertime.

You handle the parts, I'll handle the labor.

You happy?

You have a beautiful car, but no money for parking.

You have fractured it. It's a hairline fracture.

You have more skin color than I thought you would.

You have no strength. You're so fucking dainty.

You have nothing to be worried about. It's just kind of personal.

You have one planned for next month?

You have to get a hold of yourself.

You haven't done anything to thank you for.

You haven't shaved?

You helped a blind man, and, to me, this was a great day.

You Hollywood people...

You invited us to the concert and then never called us about it.

You just went shopping with Mary?

You know how I can get this gift wrapped?

You know little Griffin, my youngest nephew?

You know what it was, it was that newsstand on Las Palmas...

You know what she should be reading? Emily fucking Post!

You know what Tabasco's good for?

You know what time my appointment was? Why do you care what time it was?

You know what we should do?

You know what, Larry? You should just tell her who you are.

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I do.

You know what? I got to call you back in a few minutes, okay?

You know what? I have some pull there.

You know what? I should replace the shoes from the bowling alley.

You know what? I think...

You know what? I'll give you back $10. I'll make it worth your while.

You know what? I'm gonna get this.

You know what? I'm gonna go wait in the car.

You know what? My lawyer's here, my doctor's here, I'll be back on Friday.

You know what? My wife never should have said...

You know what? Quite frankly, I should have read it, because it needs work.

You know what? She's mad at me, not you. Don't take that personally.

You know what? The wingback chair would be better.

You know what? You should go to the movies with Larry.

You know who's funny? That Carrot Top. Have you seen that guy?

You know, I could use a couple of things, actually.

You know, I don't mean to be a party pooper...

You know, I have to say...

You know, I was working there all day. It's really not in there.

You know, I was...

You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fucking idea.

You know, it's kind of half jacket, half shirt, half man, half beast.

You know, only on deeply religious holidays.

You know, she's angry.

You know, the moment has passed. There's nothing we can do about it now.

You know, there's a card store upstairs. You could maybe go there.

You look like the ******* Ratso Rizzo.

You looked like an honest person and I trusted your face.

You love to shop? You're the only man I know who loves to shop.

You make this big sigh, I'm trying to get by.

You may have included that in the directions.

You mean for tonight?

You mean you can say that kind of thing to Jeff...

You mean...

You met Julia Louis Dreyfus. Come on, you met Julia.

You mind if I ask you a question? We watch the Seinfeld show, right?

You missed the meeting, and didn't return her call.

You never congratulated me on my new car.

You only have to talk about it. Not show it.

You ready?

You really are.

You said "aunt," I wrote down "aunt"! That's bullshit!

You saw that as a meeting. I saw it as a horrible moment in my life.

You say, "Take money to give to her"? I promise you I give her money.

You screwed me with this guy, I know it. I wanna let you know that I know it.

You should be very happy, the place looks great.

You should call Jeff's neighbor.

You should fill her in on tea bagging.

You should get him something. You could get him a bottle of Scotch or something.

You should go up and take a nap.

You should never listen to Jeff for anything.

You should see my office.

You snap!

You stared down, over here because...

You sure you haven't seen it? It's brown, it's got a black trim, no?

You take off your fucking shoes!

You tell somebody where you went.

You think I'm gonna ask her again to do this?

You think they'll like me better in this shirt?

You think you can loan me $2.20?

You threw it out?

You told her everything we talked about. And I told you not to say anything.

You walked all the way from your desk to tell me that?

You wanna, you wanna, you don't, you don't. I can't make you.

You want a prick, and this guy's a prick. Look at you.

You want me to go and do the double goodbye?

You want me to go to the incest group with you?

You want to ask Larry something on the machine?

You want to buy the bracelet?

You want to go to that Dustin Hoffman movie tonight?

You want to go, let's go!

You want to know what my cholesterol was? 272, all right?

You want to walk?

You watch this, okay?

You wear that 'cause you want people to look at your shoes, right?

You were at a gas station?

You were saying?

You were sensational.

You were so helpful throughout my little ordeal.

You were supposed to come the other day, and you didn't show up?

You were thinking of this woman Lucy the whole time you were...

You weren't even thinking! You know why?

You would be very surprised how broken up he is about this.

You wouldn't help me with the ball.

You'd be lucky if you did. She took the time from her day.

You'd better call me later on, by sundown.

You'd just be there with me.

You'd think I would have heard about it in school, but I didn't.

You'll be happy to know they've changed policy.

You'll get used to it, you're new.

You'll stay here. Mom and Dad are here anyway.

You're a great guy, helping her out like that. I'm not a good man, you're a great man.

You're a prick, you're doing a good job. Are you a prick or not?

You're an attractive young lady.

You're coming in to purchase the shoes, though, right?

You're fighting interior decorators?

You're going to get him? Look at you, you're pathetic.

You're gonna have a tough time collecting the $1,500.

You're gonna wake up Sammy.

You're good. You are very good.

You're involved with The Vagina Monologues.

You're just a big bowl of wrong.

You're kidding.

You're looking at my girlfriend's breasts!

You're not responsible, but I'm asking you to do me a favor.

You're not trying hard enough.

You're on Miller.

You're positive. Has he admitted to it?

You're probably having a bad day, you're in pain, but that is the policy.

You're so complimentary. Very nice of you.

You're so funny.

You're supposed to meet the director tomorrow.

You're sure that she looked over and thought that you were excited?

You're that chicken I'orange guy.

You're the first person who hasn't liked it.

You're the guy from yesterday. So, you got your card?

You're thinking, the anesthesia, if something goes wrong...

You're up.

You're welcome.

You've been very helpful, thank you.

You've got me some expensive idiot lawyer, so you can have your wire dropped down.

You've gotta do me a favor, though.

You've gotta get it out of there, because if something happens to me...

You've re cast already?

You've seen it.

Your bowling skills were shining through. Was that Friday or Saturday?

Your mother thinks I touched her breast? That is so sick.

Your parents, your brother, didn't alert you to...

Your problems are very similar.

Your wife must be very proud of you.

4 Y something.

4:00 is the deadline.

7:00 a.m.

8.7?

9:00.

20 and 10.

23rd Street Jewelers, and she was looking at this bracelet...

45 minutes.

90 percent sure. Can't be 100 percent sure.

99 88.

99 88. Okay.

'Bye, Julie. Okay, I'll do that. 'Bye.

"Feeling weird about something"? Yeah, what's that?

"if I can work with someone who's late." She said that?

$30 you got from me! I heard you!

A couple of minutes. It was nice to meet you. Bye bye.

A pair of sunglasses? Excuse me?

Aamco guy? What are the odds? These are so good.

Absolutely. One drink. In and out.

After this entertaining evening? You gave it to her.

All fumigated? Perfect.

All I'm telling you is, it doesn't look good. I can't call her?

All original, everything's the same. Amazing, put the radio on.

All right, it's a deal. It's a deal?

All right, Larry, see you. Do I have to pay for this?

All right, so that means you need... I need a spare to win.

All right, we'll go out Thursday. Okay, and also, this is a little weird...

All right, what's going on? Nothing.

All right. Hi! Look who's here.

All right. Is that okay?

All right. Well that's...

All right. You gonna do that little wiggle step again?

All right. You know what? Do you have any money?

Allotment? I have 20 percent allotted to the waiter.

Am I hearing this? I'm not having dinner.

Am I not even involved in a source? Yeah, you're a source.

And how about that Clinton stuff? Yeah.

and I don't want to talk to her... I'll call.

And I just got this piece... Can I see that for a second?

And I wouldn't mind it, if in fact, I did. Wait a second.

and it took me four hours to go through it. I'm sorry for taking up your time.

And it's got grilled shrimp with... I'm not having that.

And my appointment is for 11:30. Sir, it was just a few minutes before you.

And scotch tape, too, right? Right.

and the two people couldn't come. I can't do it, it's not looking good.

And then I was a gentleman, I let you out. Right.

And then what? I already paid her in the garage.

And we'll talk. Okay, great. See you.

And where is this homeless shelter? The Scott Mission on Fourth.

And who, same person? No, an interior decorator.

And you, too. I'll write one, too, I promise.

And your wife called twice. Okay, I don't need that.

Annie's a little girl, or an adult? Annie Get Your Gun. It's not Annie.

Anything could happen. A lot of people sue me.

Are they knocking these things off? I gotta go. I've got a meeting.

Are you an actress? Sometimes.

Are you by yourself? No, I'm with Julia.

Are you crazy? Wait a second, don't walk out!

Are you going to shoo The Pope out? Yes, sir.

Are you going? I hadn't planned to go.

Are you kidding? No. No audition.

Are you Mama's Boy? I am a mama's boy, and I'm proud of it.

Are you putting me on? No.

Are you serious? You sure these aren't them?

Are you still there? Unbelievable, you could do this to me.

As far away from you as possible. That's very nice. Thank you, very nice.

As long as I can go back. Beautiful.

As long as you understand. He understands, he's great.

as we're wasting... But we had a reservation for four...

Back up! You're like a goddamn lion tamer.

Be well, take care of yourself. Okay, just the mattress.

Beach cleaning day? Yeah.

because you thought that I had an erection. I "thought"?

Becky's a nice girl, right? She's a doll, she's really sweet.

Believe me, you could trust him on food. All right, and she's good.

Big mop of red hair. My gosh!

Big, fat idiot? Come on.

Blue Label. Yep.

Boo on earth tones, that is so passé. You want something to stimulate you?

Boy, it's gotta be a pain in the neck. We've been trying to clock...

But really, look at these pants. I've seen pants bunch up...

But there's other people. There's a prowler outside.

But they really are, they're a great couple. Really like them.

But you look gorgeous. Thank you.

But, Martha's Vineyard... Do you think I care about that?

But, she didn't like me much. I didn't like him very much.

Bye bye, Larry. Bye.

Call Jeff's neighbor. I look forward to seeing you guys.

Can I ask you a question? Sure, what's up?

Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

Can I ask you something? Sure.

Can I have her call you this afternoon? Please, yes.

Can I interest you in some sunglasses? No, just leave, please.

Can I see that mirror? They're very in vogue now.

Can I take your coat? No, thanks.

Can I take your jacket? Okay.

Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.

Can you believe it? This thing?

Can you believe that? I can't believe it.

Can you believe that? No.

Can you gift wrap these? No, I'm sorry, we don't wrap.

Can you lay it out for me? You don't have $3?

Can't find your shoes? No.

Cheryl! Hi!

Come join us, it's fun. It's gonna be a great concert.

Come on, we'll go home. Okay.

Come on. Let's go, all right!

Come on. Grace? It was charming.

Comfortable? She left it on the machine. I am loyal to my client.

Comfortable? She left it on the machine. I am loyal to my client.

Completely. Sure, I understand.

Congratulations on the intercourse. I happen to be a little bit in love with her.

Convertible? Yeah, convertible.

Cook. I shop and I cook. You don't cook, Larry.

Dad, let's go finish the movie, come on. What movie?

Depending on what kind of paper you want. I don't give a shit.

Diane Keaton? Yes.

Did Jeff say he needed a lawyer? I overheard that, that you were...

Did Richard Lewis call? Yes, and he's coming over.

Did the director get a hold of her? Yeah, she talked to the director.

Did very well. Yeah, that's unusual.

Did you have a good time? Let me tell you something.

Did you like it? Man, I loved it!

Did you like the film? Yeah, not bad.

Did you look in your little change thing? I don't have it, it would be in my wallet.

Did you see what he did? I explained to her, it was an accident.

Did you tell him the rule of the house? He thinks I was joking.

Did you think so? Absolutely.

Did you, really? Which one? I can't remember.

Dig in, you heard the man! Have yourself a good time, all right?

Director. Theater director.

Do me one, let me walk. Okay, please.

Do they sell all that in the same store? No, I don't believe they do.

Do you believe me? Yeah.

Do you have the paper? No, I don't have anything.

Do you mind if I tell? It's your house.

Do you promise? I promise.

Do you read the sides with her? She reads Wiesel and a lot of things.

Do you think Becky's coming down soon? I think so.

Do you understand this policy? Please don't talk to her, she's busy.

Do you want to sit down? No.

Does that make you happy? Yes.

Does that work? Yeah, you want to eat here?

Does this happen to you a lot? Yeah, it does.

Don't ask her that and put her on the spot. Come on, I can ask.

Don't be ridiculous, I didn't do anything. This has gotta stop.

Don't drink it all at once. No, I won't.

Don't keep saying it! Please.

Don't leave your post. I'm right here.

Don't let us sit here like schmucks. Yeah.

Don't pull over. Are you crazy?

Don't send me back there. We're right here, just go back in.

Don't suggest any more people for me. She's a good cook.

Don't they proofread these things? I am so sorry.

Done deal. Really?

Easy. Mom, Dad!

Elizabeth Taylor sunglasses. They're very nice...

Enjoy your dinner. Thank you.

Exactly. So, if you go first, whatever policy that is...

Excuse me, do you have change for $20? Sorry.

Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. Mike, can I just...

Excuse me. Can I help you?

Excuse me. Hi.

Found a spot on the street. How you doing?

From Diane Keaton? She left a message.

from Russia. Did he take it?

Fucking idiot. Fucking asshole!

Gay Jew in Nazi Germany? Yeah.

Get a little more room here. That's okay.

Get me off the speakerphone, please! Hold on.

Get some wrapping paper and wrap it. Okay, where would I get the paper?

Glad you made it. Thank you.

Go back there and get it. No, come on.

Go back to sleep. Sick person.

Go to bed, Bobby. Bobby, nobody's angry with you.

Good guess. Yeah, that was pretty clear.

Good man. Thank you.

Good morning. Hi, Perry, good morning.

Good night. Good night.

Good night. Good night.

Good planning. Shit.

Good to see you. Nice to see you.

Good, Arkansas, I've never been there. You must come.

Good, how are you doing? Good.

Good, how are you doing? I'm good, thanks.

Good, how are you today? This is Jeff Greene, my manager.

Good, I'd like to return this, please. What seems to be the problem?

Good. I used desalter liquid with a scrub brush...

Goodbye. I am sorry.

Goodbye. No, please, I'm begging you.

Got insurance? Yeah.

Great to meet you, enjoy your lunch. Thank you.

Great, thanks. You're welcome.

Great! What is all this?

Guy took them. Oh, my gosh.

Have you been down to Downey much? No.

Having a nice time? Having a great time.

He didn't leave, he's still here. What?

He does? Excuse me.

He has a date! So what?

He might have to have a bypass surgery. Really?

He must have had a hard time. Yep.

He thinks she's great. All right, we're in dire straits. Fine.

He thinks she's the most talented actress. She's great.

He wants to see us? You and me, together.

He was one of the creators of Seinfeld. So what, right? Okay, big deal, fine.

He'd leave a message saying... I'm thinking about it.

He's a little crazy. He's just a little crazy.

He's a little nutty, isn't he? Yeah.

He's a talker? He's a lingerer.

He's a weird guy. He's weird, but he's very shrewd.

He's been very quiet for several days. That's so sweet.

He's gonna help us out. Now he's gonna feed us.

He's leaving show business? That would be good news.

He's looking at my breasts. Yeah, your special breasts.

He's not a sociopath, he's a good kid. He burned down the canteen.

He's still here. He's still there?

He's surprised. You don't tell him? No, I heard rumblings about it...

Hello, excuse me? Hello.

Hello. Forget it.

Hello. Hello, how are you?

Hello. Hi.

Hello. Hi.

Hello. Hi.

Hello. They just went on a cruise.

Here's to friends. Here's to friends!

Hey, Larry, what's going on? I think your trainer has my watch.

Hey, Larry! Larry, hi!

Hey! Hi, you're just in time!

Hey. Hey, man.

Hey. Hi.

Hi, are you Larry? Yes.

Hi, buddy. This is Larry?

Hi, Dean, I'm Larry. Hi, Phyllis.

Hi, honey! Hi.

Hi, I called earlier about the credit card. Yeah, okay, let's see.

Hi, Julie. How you doing? She's just returning Sour G****s.

Hi, Lar'! Hi!

Hi, Larry. Hi.

Hi, Maggie. I like this guy.

Hi, nice to meet you. Larry, is that you?

Hi, remember me? Sure do.

Hi, Todd. Hi, Todd.

Hi. Be nice.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Nice to meet you. How do you do, Cheryl, is it?

Hi. Welcome home. Thank you.

Him, I can kind of take him or leave him. I like him.

Hold on, she wants to talk to you. Excuse me.

Holy! Look at this.

Honey, Larry is wearing his shoes. I know.

How about a side bet? Depends on where we're going.

How about that! Please, don't humiliate me.

How about that? Yeah, it's fine.

How are you doing? I'm okay.

How are you gonna kick him out? I'll make a joke.

How are you, honey? Hi.

How are you? Good, how you doing?

How are you? Good.

How are you? Very well, thanks.

How can they be your shoes? How can they be?

How dare you. I didn't do anything.

How did she die? Killed herself.

How do you do that, again? "The Father, Son, Holy Spirit."

How do you know they're fake? I could take a guess.

How do you know? Because...

How many can I get in my mouth at a time? Six.

How many people look like me? I don't know, a lot of people look like you.

How much longer till dinner? 25 minutes, 30, tops.

How was it, did you have fun? Yeah.

How was the movie? Not bad.

How would you like to pay? Credit card.

How you doing? Good, how are you?

How you doing? Good.

How you doing? Hi.

How you doing? I can't believe I got you in your car.

How'd you do that? You know the comedian, Richard Lewis?

How'd you do? Perfect.

How'd you know? Get out of here.

How's Cheryl holding up? I think she's okay.

How's that? You know what?

How's this? That's better. Much better.

I almost bought it. Really?

I am a prick. In business, are you a prick?

I am not a shoe whore. I didn't accuse you of being a shoe whore.

I am so sorry I'm late. Don't worry about it.

I am worried about the alarm code. Nothing's gonna happen.

I appreciate it, you're a great pal. Good luck. Try not to die.

I believe you, it's not about that! You think I feel up old ladies?

I can handle this. The agapanthus, sorry.

I can hear noises. Take it easy, sit down.

I can trust that you'II... I will give it to her.

I can't be held responsible. I'm not holding you responsible.

I can't believe it. I've got to tell you, I just love jewelry.

I can't believe we never talked about this. I had no idea that a prom even existed.

I can't do it, yeah. Why can't you do it tonight?

I can't give it to you. She doesn't feel comfortable...

I can't give it to you. She doesn't feel comfortable...

I can't give you Diane Keaton's number. Why not?

I can't remember... I have something to talk to you about.

I can't, I have nothing to wear. I've got lots of stuff for you to wear!

I could barely tell who you were doing! Okay, fine.

I could get something in there for you. That would be so good.

I could've. But that string...

I did buy them! I'll spring for them.

I did. Jerk.

I didn't even think of that. Like she didn't have a life out here.

I didn't get that. I got the 310 part. I don't know.

I didn't have money for parking. It's always the parking.

I didn't honk at you, you fucking asshole! It was the radio, Larry!

I didn't know anybody else was in your car! Hold on.

I didn't mean that in a bad way. No, no.

I didn't particularly care for her. Is that right?

I didn't say to do it last night at the wake. Never mind!

I didn't think of it. Unbelievable.

I do. Let me tell you something.

I don't drink. It's chocolate.

I don't get it. I was so excited, I bought it at once.

I don't have anybody to go with. Go by yourself.

I don't know about the apple turnovers. You don't?

I don't know why we moved... You told us to move it in the bedroom.

I don't know, I'll have to ask Hitler. Hitler?

I don't know. About midnight?

I don't know. Didn't we all have a good time bowling?

I don't know. I don't know what that means.

I don't know. It looked so great on you the other day.

I don't know. My mom's in town with my dad.

I don't see. Where do you live?

I don't think so. No. That's called "Indian giving."

I don't think we'll be back for a while. I can give you the passes.

I don't want it in my house. I don't want... Dean, come on in.

I don't... I see certain items, and I recoil in horror.

I got a tent. It's a big one.

I got held up at a doctor's office. Are you okay?

I got it, I think it's in the trunk. That's a nice jacket.

I got nothing, man. You want this?

I got out of the nice business then. I'm out of the nice now, after a fire.

I gotta get moving. Thank you, that was really nice of you.

I gotta tell him about this. What's the cut off on New York?

I happen to have one right here. You are good.

I hate her. What a sick fuck.

I have $20 now, $20. Yeah. Your friend upstairs has $10, too.

I have a check from Julia Louis Dreyfus! That's so pretty.

I have a small request. What's that?

I have intimacy problems. Poor guy, terrible intimacy problems.

I have no idea what you're talking about. That's why I'm late.

I have the number. Would you give me her number?

I have to call Seinfeld, then I'll be right up. He's not gonna believe it.

I haven't seen you in so long, look at this. Hi, Mr. And Mrs. Greene.

I heard him tell Mary that it was Friday. You heard him say it?

I just found that out. I see you got my apple turnovers.

I just saw Joanna... I remember you.

I know how to spell it. Larry, please, it's fine.

I know the source. I know the source, too.

I know where I'm gonna take this little lady. Excuse me for one second.

I know you. Really?

I know your games. I'm sorry.

I know, it's hard to read. Terrible handwriting.

I know, it's very weird. It's very creepy.

I know. And he breaks up with me?

I know. I should call Jeff and tell him about this.

I know. It's ridiculous.

I live here. I see. Condolences.

I love this thing. It looks so great on you.

I love to shop, you know what else? What?

I loved it. Nothing like a good piece of fish.

I made a phone call in that office. In my office?

I mean, he really loved me. Yeah.

I mean, I love you. You are just a babbling brook of bullshit.

I need $3. I don't think I have any money.

I need a letter of apology from your friend... Retraction.

I needed some stuff, so... A new jacket?

I promise, 15 minutes. Okay.

I put a lot of pennies. It's unlikely.

I really love her, she was terrific. Yeah, she was really great.

I really wanted to go to that concert. So did I, I like Paul Simon.

I recognize you, okay? Please believe me.

I should take my parents there. You should.

I think 9:30 with kids is great. Seems like an early cut off to me.

I think I'm a little lost. You're lost?

I think it probably is. I am sorry.

I think it's me. It's beautiful on you.

I think she really liked it. Really?

I think that's enough. Dean's gonna love this.

I think that's great. That was terrible.

I think they're perfect. Beautiful. All right.

I think you did suggest it. You're misunderstanding this whole thing.

I think you're pretty clear. We have an understanding.

I thought he beeped me. Haven't you heard that commercial before?

I thought he was going in for tests. Went in, they wouldn't let him out.

I thought it was a good length. The width, what about the width?

I thought maybe it was something... Wait. Hold on a second.

I thought the cut off was 10:30. You know I have trouble sleeping?

I thought they were gonna kill me. You'll stay here.

I told you about these pants! I know, it's just material. It's obvious...

I told you I was gonna have lunch with her. I know.

I used to know the governor. Your daughter knows the governor?

I want one, why not? You got spare change?

I was crazy that night, okay? You have a 10:00 cut off, okay.

I was gonna bring this by your house. What?

I was just wondering if that was yours. Yeah, thank you.

I was right behind you on the range. Right.

I was upset about the woman... Why didn't you tell me that earlier?

I will give her this from you? Thank you, and it's $10.

I will pay you. You better.

I will treat your breasts as if they're mine. Once in a while.

I wish I could help you, but... You've seen it.

I won't kiss you, it'll mess up your makeup. No, please.

I won't let it happen again. When did I mess you over?

I won't not have a good time on purpose. No, I feel you will.

I wonder what the good news is. I don't know, I can't even begin to imagine.

I work for Aamco. Very funny joke.

I would keep you around to mourn? You're not going golfing.

I would kill to have your casserole. Listen, I can wrap it up...

I would think. He's a psychotic, get him out of the house!

I wouldn't care how long it was. That's good.

I wouldn't let you get by me? You signed in ahead of me.

I'd give my eye teeth for that thing. Right.

I'd just like to go home. I'm trying to get us home.

I'll be happy to give him your number. I'm happy to help out.

I'll be just a second. Bye bye, I hope I see you again.

I'll go shopping. No, you won't.

I'll help you look when I get back, 'bye. 'Bye.

I'll make a bet. Blow job in the car.

I'll make a note. I've been waiting so long.

I'll see you. Thanks for your help.

I'll take care of it. I want to do it. I'll get lenses put in.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. All right, call me tomorrow, bye.

I'm a huge fan of yours. Friend of Cheryl's.

I'm a lawyer. You are?

I'm available for sex all the time. Is that right?

I'm being serious. I don't see the book I need here.

I'm Cheryl. Nice to meet you.

I'm coming back to you. Could you make it quick?

I'm done with the Hitler stuff. You're all right.

I'm getting the camcorder. No, don't get a camcorder.

I'm going to give you my number. Great.

I'm going to insist that you buy this. This is interesting, isn't it?

I'm gonna flag the car down. Be careful.

I'm gonna get the veal parmesan. Honey, I don't think you should get that.

I'm here, aren't I? You're here, but you're a half hour late.

I'm just curious. I enjoyed it.

I'm kidding. Could you do me a favor?

I'm Mike Duffy. How are you? Hi, Larry David.

I'm not asking her again, that's it. Larry, do you not even care about me?

I'm not gonna go upstairs. Whatever, you know, it's your business.

I'm not questioning your sense of space... Thank you.

I'm not saying that. You don't think it's funny?

I'm one of the mommies. Hi, mommy.

I'm sitting here. Please enter the other way. Please move your legs.

I'm so sorry about your aunt. It was Cheryl's aunt.

I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for coming.

I'm sorry, I agree, it was rotten. All right, it's over now.

I'm sorry, I apologize. It's all right.

I'm sorry. All right, no, I'll get...

I'm taking in all the facts. It happened.

I'm tapping you on the shoulder. You know what?

I'm telling you... I'm honest person.

I'm testing my finger. All right.

I'm the double header. Mary, you should have married this man.

I'm timing you. Half an hour at... 40 minutes at the most.

I'm trying to shake out the nerves... Don't be nervous.

I've already told them they're crazy. What did they say?

I've got to find out. In retrospect, it would have been better...

I've got to talk to the kid. Talk to the kid, see what he has to say.

I've never seen her so speechless before. I'm shocked, I don't know what to say.

if anybody's sitting there again! Lf I'm alone, it's okay.

Is he a doctor? No.

Is he a tough guy, this guy? No, go ahead, I'm here.

Is he okay? Yeah.

Is it bad for me to walk around like that? Yeah, it is.

Is that a problem for you? Excuse me.

Is that okay? Where are you going?

Is that right? I'll get a check, Sherlock.

Is that right? Listen, I've got a big problem.

Is that right? Yeah.

Is that so? That actually brings my taxes down.

Is that so? Yes.

Is that Swiss coffee or vanilla bean? I think it's Chocolate Cho Cho.

Is that unbelievable? The same store. That's where Julia...

Is that... Yeah, where'd you get this?

Is there a game on? You didn't know that?

Is there a name like "Pluto's Tail"? I don't know the name of it.

Is this his new girl? Yeah.

Isn't this nice? Look who's here.

It doesn't look better. It does.

It is ridiculous. Larry?

It is such a pleasure to meet you. The pleasure is all mine.

It just doesn't seem... It's impossible, yeah.

It looked like a soccer shoe. Yeah, I know.

It looks fine, the house looks great. The pillows and the...

It seems reasonable, a 10:00 cut off. Please respect that.

It should be "aunt"! Did Jeff look at this before he turned it in?

It was an accident. How convenient.

It was an accident. You have to go.

It was fine, yeah. We did everything, I just want to make sure.

It was great. It was fabulous.

It was okay. The service was good?

It was? Yeah.

It wasn't even mentioned at all? I didn't hear anybody say anything.

It wasn't very funny, obviously. It wasn't funny.

It'll be fine, trust me. Your wife better not show up.

It'll be fine. He's a writer, he can do anything.

It's "Larry." Wait, do you guys know each other?

It's 10:20. 10:00 is the cut off time.

It's a beauty! Anniversary gift.

It's a black BMW, it's a convertible. It's probably Perry's car.

It's a good family. Yeah, they're very nice.

It's a good look. Yeah, thanks.

It's a guy. Thank you very much.

It's a small one, but it is fractured. Really?

It's all done. Uncle Larry is here.

It's definitely not... You know, sometimes...

It's fun, it's a gathering, a party. What a strange thing.

It's got a special code. It'll take two seconds.

It's great to see you. Good to see you.

It's just material. Yeah, I know.

It's no big deal, I'm making a great dinner. I'm so sorry.

It's no big deal. All right, what did you do?

It's not a big deal, I don't care. It's not a big deal.

It's not a problem, believe me. I didn't mean that in a derogatory sense.

It's not about that. Look, see?

It's not his fault. Whose fault is it?

It's not Larry's... It's the kid's fault.

It's not on a thing? There's only two bracelets in...

It's not you. I'll straighten it out tomorrow.

It's over, what you did. You have to pull yourself together.

It's personal. God.

It's policy. What kind of policy?

It's pretty standard. And for visitors, it's more like 9:00.

It's prominent. Is it on one of the velvet neck things?

It's quite good, isn't it? So, we're lying together.

It's right around the corner, he'll find it. I'm sure he will.

It's so awkward. I'm not leaving here without the watch.

It's so good to see you. Thank you so much.

It's so nice to meet you guys. Would you like to have dinner, too?

It's Ted. How are you?

It's Thursday and I'm concerned. Want me to call them?

It's true, but... He did mislead us.

Jack's Way? No, it's Jake's Way.

Jeff has a '57 Chevy convertible. I know, and he is fat.

Jeffrey, get the Polaroid, okay? The Polaroid.

Jr. Walks in and you turn him away? Yes, sir, unfortunately.

Julia just fell in love with it. I'm in love with it.

Julia, I swear to you, I didn't... Why are you doing this?

Julia. He's obsessed with her.

Julia. He's obsessed with her.

Julie was telling me that. It's like a six mile... It's a difference.

Just bring it in! So you know, l...

Just excuse me, please? Please go by without stepping on my foot.

Just give her the... Okay, I'm not responsible.

Just go to a Hallmark or something. A stationery store.

Just leave it at the office. Is that a problem?

Just like that? Just like that.

Just stay here. I can't stay here.

Just the sarcasm, it's... No, she really is wonderful.

Keep you hard. Really?

LA Farm. All right, you drive.

Larry, glad you're here. Right here, that's the guy.

Larry, what the hell are you doing? No, that's where I was sitting.

Larry! Stop it!

Larry. Larry, thank you.

Let me explain what happened. Do you think I enjoy that kind of thing?

Let me get you a case. I don't fool around.

Let me pay for the lamp? That's not important.

Let's just... And I sat here.

Let's take a drive. What, now?

Let's take a drive. What, now?

Lf they call by tomorrow, you're fine, right? Yeah.

Lf you don't want to go, I'm not gonna... I'll go, yeah.

Lf you guys are ever down there, swing by. Yeah, we'll give you a tour.

Like it was awkward. There was a little twinkle.

Look at that pompadour. It's not a pompadour.

Look at these pants. That's not what it looked like.

Look at you, getting some gray hair. Inside, I'm corroding.

Look at you, getting some gray hair. Inside, I'm corroding.

Looks safe. I'm gonna go back to the hotel. You can't leave us.

Maintain the outfit. "To its completion."

Man! All right, I'm gonna get out of here.

Marissa Winnaker? Yeah.

Marissa. That'll do it.

Mary! I'm sorry.

Mary's got the same one. Really?

Mary's got the same one. Really?

Mary's mother? Very nice woman from Arkansas.

May I start with my salad now? Sure.

Maybe I will. Go ahead, take a shot.

Maybe I'll call Richard Lewis. Call Richard Lewis.

Maybe make it a $5. Great, okay. Larry, don't touch my car.

Maybe they are fake, what's the big deal? Nothing, don't call them breasts.

Me drive it? Right now, I want you to drive it.

Member of the lily family. Push it!

Mike, it was my pleasure. It was a great time...

Mom, please. That's what he does.

Moseying time? Yeah.

Mr. Dobb, Lurry Dobb. That's Larry David.

Mrs. David? Dinner's served. Thank you.

My business manager mailed it. I want it now.

My God, I'm so tired. Really?

My God, that's terrible. Now the car's making a terrible noise.

My God, that's unbelievable. I got a card here. Give me a call.

My God, you look great. Thank you very much.

My God! Hi, Lucy.

My God! Listen, you got a hard on.

My God. What?

My wife read that script. Really?

Need my shoes. Thank you.

Neither of us like to fly. Yeah, nobody likes to fly.

Nice house you have. Thank you.

Nice service. Yeah.

Nice shoes. Thanks.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

Nice to meet you. Yeah, I'm here.

Nice work. Very good.

No problem, I'm right in there. No, you're pushing it.

No wonder. I had no choice.

No, don't you bother, I've got the car. You don't even know where it is.

No, don't you bother, I've got the car. You don't even know where it is.

No, he said party. We just ate.

No, hell of a show. That's in reruns now, too, isn't it?

No, honey, you're handsome in that. Really?

No, I didn't. Yes, you did!

No, I don't think it's the kid's fault. I'm gonna get him!

No, I don't wanna go to a porn party. It's not a porn party.

No, I'm not kidding. I was hurt by it. I never congratulated you on your new car?

No, I'm not Norman Vincent Lewis. Are you Norman Vincent Lewis?

No, it doesn't make any sense. I understand.

No, it's in the commercial. I thought the guy behind me was beeping.

No, it's your house. I like sitting over there.

No, look at this! I'm making sure.

No, seriously, I can fix it. Yes, good!

No, she didn't. Killed herself...

No, she's not. She's not?

No, thank you. I'm fine, thank you.

No, that sounds great. We'll think about it.

No, the card... How many stores are we talking about?

No, we'd go out. Really?

No, you're a silver haired fox. This is my wife, Cheryl.

No! I thought I was just talking to Jeff and...

No. Dean's still at the office.

No. I wasn't with that guy.

No. It's late anyway, I'm gonna go home.

No. Oh, my gosh.

No. Okay?

No. Then I need to ask you to leave.

No. Very funny.

No. Yeah.

No. You try not to pay me!

No. My office is being painted. Where should I sit?

No. Why? I got it, it's fine.

Nobody's mentioned this to you? No, they love it.

Not a good maniac. That's not a good maniac.

Not even a little bit. She is, too. Cheryl adores you.

Not little Annie? No, not with the dog.

Not now, you don't need anything now! Yes, I do.

Nothing. Yeah? You got a little...

Now you're off the speakerphone. What's wrong with you?

Of course. He's terrific. He does work for Aamco.

Of what? Of the display case.

Oh, brother. I couldn't get it out of him.

Oh, God. This is good.

Oh, my God. Julia Louis Dreyfus, this is Phyllis.

Oh, my God. Want me to kick him out?

Oh, my gosh. Rutgers and University of Vermont, too.

Okay, good idea. Your manager?

Okay, here we go. Let's get this over with.

Okay, I didn't know who that was... That's my manager.

Okay, I know how you look for things. They're not there.

Okay, I thought that's... Fun stuff!

Okay, I'll make a note of that. I want some Cohens, some Bernsteins...

Okay, I'll tell you why. Yeah.

Okay, just let me know if you need... Okay

Okay, please? Thank you, very much. Shut up.

Okay, take care of yourself. Okay.

Okay, thank you. Why do you have to be home early?

Okay, you should have gotten the check... Larry, I don't receive the check.

Okay, you're happy? You sure? Yeah.

Okay? Okay.

Okay? I can't. Thank you so much for coming over.

Okay. For my friend's mother.

Okay. Good.

Okay. I'm a malingerer and he's a lingerer.

Okay. I've got a breath problem? What...

Okay. Thanks.

On me, on me! It's too late for cappuccino.

On what the waiter's getting? No, the waiter was good.

One stupid, little thing. Because of the gay Jew cousin?

Or a man. But...

Other times, I can pinpoint it! What about me?

Our relationship's at stake right now. Get out of here!

People like you are the problem. I'm the solution.

Perfect, check is fine. Maybe you can get yourself a new sweater.

Perfect, check is fine. Maybe you can get yourself a new sweater.

Personal reasons. Personal reasons?

Pilot? We should do that.

Please come in. Dean.

Please do, I've done it before. We'll see if we can do that.

Please tell her I didn't do anything. Ma, he didn't do anything.

Please! Sir, I'm an honest person.

Please! We're not even gonna speak to him anyway.

Poor kitty. I don't wanna talk about Mittens.

Pretend I never came in. When I don't want to take the money?

Put your hands out! It's okay, it's my girlfriend.

Quiet down, will you? You tell me to be quiet?

rather than pyro, because that's... Pyro's a bad maniac.

Really terrible. Yeah, isn't it?

Really? A classic.

Really? Just take them off.

Really? My neighbor's selling one, a convertible!

Really? Really, you're not so pale.

Really? Ribbon and bows and cards.

Really? Sure, come on.

Really? The energy...

Really? Yes, I am.

Relax, you are in good hands, believe me. Am I, really? I've heard that many times.

Richard! I'm sorry.

Right, something. Call us and lie.

Right, that's... Then you charge me for reading my script?

Right? Right, yeah, at the newsstand.

Right. We've taken care of everything else.

Right. Definitely. Larry, you remember Allison and Kevin.

Right. She'll know that I told you. Yeah.

Same thing, worse when I do this? Yes.

See how he does, a few more days. I wanna fire him.

See how much he's taught me? Yeah!

See you at the store. Yeah, so long.

See you. Paul Simon.

See, in the front, in the center? On that little ramp thing?

See, these were yours. They don't have my shoes.

She did read it, though. Who told her to?

She had an attitude. Big time. She did, didn't she?

She read the script. She didn't have to read it.

She reads Wiesel? That's right.

She said she liked it. She didn't like it.

She says hello. Okay.

She signed in before you, sir. I'm 11:30, she's 11:45.

She took the leftovers? She would just take them?

She tried. She didn't try.

She was in the tornado. I did an asteroid.

She won't tell her about the Hitler thing? No way.

She's a good lawyer. Yeah, good lawyer.

She's a lunatic. She's a total lunatic.

She's coming. You're coming, Mom.

She's really great. Yeah.

She's really terrific, though. Yeah, she is.

She's very interested in doing my script. Good for you, Larry.

Shit, there she is. Yo, "D"!

Sir, excuse me. Is this the shoe? Yeah, that's it.

Sit down. Okay.

So how do I get to a 7? I don't know.

So the bracelet is right in the front. Right.

So you got some kind of blockage? Blockage.

So you really didn't have a good time? No, I really didn't.

So you're going on Sunday? So are you.

So, 15 minutes. 15 minutes.

So, does it count? Step counts.

So, they didn't even say hello to me. I know, they're upset with you.

So, you didn't get to meet her at all? No.

So, you fired Carmen? Yeah.

Somebody took my original shoes... I don't need to hear the whole story.

Sorry I'm late. It's understandable.

Sorry to interrupt. Larry, Jeff, Susie.

Sorry. That's okay, no problem.

Sorry. That's okay.

Sounded like you knocked. No.

Stop that! Give me my money!

Strange night? Yeah, very strange.

Sugar. No, Becky.

Sunday, they're doing the procedure, okay? Sunday?

Sunglasses! Look at those.

Sure, I'll take it. You got it.

Sure, James Brolin, "Beep beep!" "Double A..." Right, "Beep beep!"

Sure, whatever you want. Great.

Sure. We had a fight over some bracelet...

Sweet girl. Look at the way that girl walks.

Talk about being ostracized. Yeah.

Talk to her about working with her. You want to work with her, I understand.

Tell her the bald guy with the glasses. The bald man with the glasses is you?

Tell me right now. No, this isn't really... It's kind of weird.

Tell us again. I am not gonna tell.

Thank you so much. We love you, Larry.

Thank you very much. It's our pleasure.

Thank you very much. You got $30 from me now.

Thank you very much. You know Maggie.

Thank you, Trudy. Thanks.

Thank you. Enjoy.

Thank you. Hi, Jeff Greene.

Thank you. I found this.

Thank you. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you. Those aren't mine.

Thank you. Welcome.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks again. It's fine, but I have to tell you something.

Thanks for lunch, by the way. You're welcome, what is this?

Thanks so much. No problem.

Thanks, Larry. So, what's going on?

That doesn't make sense. I know it doesn't, it was stupid.

That happens with a cell phone. Do you have her number?

That I would love to do. I would love to do that.

That is so rude, isn't that? That's really rude.

That must be Nathan. Yeah. I'll get it.

That restaurant was good. Wasn't that a great meal?

That waiter didn't share that tip with you? No, he didn't.

That was so nice. Wasn't that nice of him?

That'd be fun, I'd like that. Great.

That'd be really sweet. I'll write it myself.

That's Cheryl's bracelet, Julia. You keep the bracelet now.

That's exactly right. Be a little nicer about it and just go by.

That's exactly what they are. Okay, let me go see if I can find them.

That's exciting. Yeah.

That's fantastic. I like you, Larry. I like your show, too.

That's fine, I'll just get going. It's all right, don't be...

That's Friday. It is?

That's good, too. Wasn't that good?

That's great. I'll give you the best deal I can.

That's horrible. All you have to do is sign some papers.

That's insane. Holy cow!

That's kind of scary. I know.

That's nice. I know, and then he said grace.

That's not that bad. No?

That's not the point, just take 'em off. Come on.

That's okay, next time we'll do that. I hope so.

That's out. Why?

That's Peter, my trainer. How you doing?

That's really nice. Stay there a night or two. Yeah, one night.

That's too bad, that's my client. Diane Keaton's your client?

That's unbelievable! I know!

That's what I thought. I'll call her and thank her.

That's what you called him about, I know. I didn't.

That's what you put in the paper? This is a typo.

That's why you said you were sorry. Great, wonderful.

The "You First" policy. Thank you.

The ball? The range ball.

The bracelet is in the front. That's the first thank you in over two years.

The china, these chairs, that's solid. You like that?

The cut off is 10:00! 10:00.

The cut off time... Is that right?

The finger, still bothering you? Much worse.

the first number goes? It's first come, first serve.

The girl who played Annie... This girl who played Annie...

The nerve of this guy! Jerk.

The obituary! Do we have the paper? Yeah, we want to look at that.

The only table I have that night is... Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt.

The potatoes are great in that dinner. I used to like the fried chicken one.

The script that my wife read. She read it?

The service was wonderful, wasn't it? Yeah, it worked out nicely.

The stupid cell phone. The signal failed, that's what that's called.

The sunglasses? Give them to me, let me take care of them.

The young Sophia Loren... Who wouldn't?

Then we decided we just had to eat. I don't blame you.

Then why did you get it? I don't know. I wanted to get everything.

There might be a problem with that. What'd you do?

There really isn't any chicken left. There's no chicken left?

There was some real fun stuff. Good, I'm glad you liked it.

There's nothing else, is there? Where do you think I should put the TV?

There's porn... The porn flies everywhere?

These are pretty good. Yeah.

They are good at Barneys. I bet you're a 42.

They are so cute. What a great couple.

They are? Yeah, absolutely.

They could be dangerous. We're completely lost here.

They give you a discount? They do, they get off on it.

They got some good places around here. They have great places around here.

They gotta be here. Looks like a sneaker.

They have everything there. Hallmark has that whole thing there?

They have the credit card? Great. So, you don't need mine?

They have the paper. ...would they wrap it for me?

They have to be. That would be nice.

They have, like, bubbles on the soles. On the sole.

They smell like new shoes. No kidding.

They thought you should come up. Up the stairs? To see the kids?

They will. They got scissors and tape?

They will. Please, just do this for me. I'm doing it.

They're comfortable shoes. I know they are.

They're friends. Tell them the truth about your biggest...

They're not mine and he gave them to me. Yeah, that's an honest mistake.

They're your shoes? Yeah.

This doesn't concern you. I haven't done anything dishonest.

This guy's a bigger prick than you. You're not taking this seriously.

This has to be buried. Thank you.

This her tea? That's her tea.

This is a nice item you've got here. I got this at Barneys.

This is all bad for me. We're doing the litany now?

This is another fight? Yeah.

This is bad, this is not good. I'm sorry, okay.

This is fantastic. It's unbelievable, isn't it?

This is great. Your daddy certainly didn't!

This is Larry David. Nice to meet you.

This is like a five inch bunch up I got here. You don't have to play with it.

This is not a marriage, can we just do this? Thank you.

This is ridiculous. Where are you going?

This is Sofia. And... Nancy.

This is stealing. I know it is.

This is too strange for me. No, Cheryl, don't do this, please.

This is why I don't do favors for people. But listen, sir...

This key right here... Mysterious.

This looks bad, I know it does. This is my bracelet.

This one I like a lot. These are great.

Those are Campers. Yeah, what happened was...

Those are comfortable shoes. I'm glad you liked them.

Those are your shoes, right? Yeah.

Those sunglasses. Okay, sure.

Three of them, actually. You won't believe what happened to me.

To the offices. Let's talk and figure out a time.

Two different things. It's a big difference, really.

Two minutes and we'll be done. Why would I?

Very good question. Thank you.

Very lovely place you got, by the way. Really?

Very nice of you. It's my pleasure.

Wait a second. What's happening?

Wait, are you going to Gil's party? Yeah.

Wait, hold it, I'll help you out here. Good.

Wait, what time is it? It's 9:50.

Want to go? Yeah, let's go.

was 10:00. No, it's not.

Was that fun? That was fun. Yeah.

Was the car in gear when he hit you? Yeah.

Wasn't it great? The food was terrific.

Wasn't the first incident a fight as well? Be very careful there.

We got a sweetheart of a deal from the city. Really?

We had a great time. I kind of figured you more as a sports guy.

We have an idea. This weekend...

We have reservations. With Lewis and his girlfriend?

We must go on. We must go on.

We presented ourselves really nicely. Why aren't we a good couple?

We were fun. Are they saying we're a good couple?

We'll help you move. Thank you so much.

We'll look carefully tomorrow, Larry. And those are place mats.

We'll make a bet and see. You already decided you won't.

We'll wait it out. Here's to The Vagina Monologues.

We're friends, I can say that. No big deal.

We're gonna go have some lunch. Yeah, I'm hungry too.

We're right behind you, bro. Thank you.

Weinstock, Phyllis Weinstock. Hi, it's nice to meet you.

Welcome, how can I help you? I'd like a room, please.

Well, it's Jeff. Lf this guy knows anything, he knows food.

Were you at that concert last night? Yes.

What a car! Now you know what I'm talking about.

What a jerk. I'm a jerk? Is that right?

What am I to do with these things? Keep it in your trunk.

What are these here? They were in his slot, but your shoes...

What are you doing here? I had a little zipper problem. It's okay.

What are you doing? Mommy?

What are you doing? What do you mean? I'm initiating.

What are you wearing? I'm gonna work out later.

What are you writing? I'm writing Kathy Griffin a letter of apology.

What do you got for me today? What's this? I jammed my finger.

What do you make of that? I don't know.

What do you need? Thank you so much.

What does that mean? I don't know.

What does that mean? What do you mean?

What does that mean? Leisurely? Somewhere between 2 and 20 hours.

What else? I can give you the litany.

What happened? I got in a fight.

What happened? That's weird. I have no idea.

What have you got there? Went to Barneys.

What is she like? I don't know, I've never met her.

What is that? Is that a car? Yeah.

What is the matter with you? He's a bad guy, I was doing you a favor!

What is this? It's... My wife made a splint.

What kind of person is that? He's a fan.

What kind of timing is this? I just buried my aunt!

What kind of timing... It's unbelievable. Lousy.

What nerve. I gotta go and pick up the leftovers?

What the hell is that? What is that?

What the hell? It's Nancy.

What time is the cut off? 10:00. 10 minutes before the cut off.

What were you and Craig talking about? Louise.

What, you? Yeah.

What? Get out of here!

What? I can't find my pad.

What? My friend got this '57 Chevy.

What? Somebody lost a little bet tonight.

What? That's what he said.

What? There's people eating dinner in there.

What? They are upset you didn't come up.

What? You weren't aroused?

What'd you pay for this? It's personal.

What's going on here? I don't know, where is everybody?

What's going on? Nothing, I'm going to the movies.

What's going on? This is so unusual.

What's going on? Yeah, what's going on?

What's going on? You and Mary switched bags at Barneys.

What's that noise? This is great.

What's that? The guy must be in with my shoes.

What's that? They're moving to, what, Downey?

What's that? Where do you see that? Right here.

What's this? Hi.

What's your name, miss? Kathy Griffin.

What's your name? Larry David.

What's... That's funny.

Whatever you want, Mom. Okay.

Where are the apple turnovers? They're in the refrigerator?

Where do you want to go? I don't know.

Where is everybody? Right in there.

Where you been? You're late. I had problems in the garage with a woman.

Where'd that come from? Sorry about that, there you go.

Where's Dean? Dean's with Jeff.

Where's Mary? She's right over there.

Who am I? I'm a guy without a table. Try the Seinfeld thing and see if she reacts.

Who does that? Oh, my God!

Who is it? Hey, Cheryl.

Who is it? Hotel security, ma'am, open up.

Who is it? It's Larry David.

Who is Jeff? Jeff's my manager.

Who is? You are, I'm talking to my wife now.

Who wrote this? A friend of mine.

Who's Gil Thilander? I played golf with him like three times.

Who's he talking about? I don't know.

Who's Perry? The captain.

Why are they doing that? It's really wrong.

Why are you doing this? This is silly! Tell her what you told me the other night.

Why are you looking at me like that? Because I've never been married.

Why are you still wearing the tie? I don't know.

Why aren't I going... She was here first.

Why couldn't you be friends with her? Because she's a woman.

Why don't you call them again? They're not picking up.

Why don't you use your navigation system? I don't know how to work it.

Why even give out the appointments? Sir, calm down, please.

Why would I make that up? You own an Aamco station?

Why? Nobody knows, she didn't leave a note.

Why? She's a caterer.

Will you be here on Friday? Yes, I will be here.

Will you put that away for me? I can't find that pad anywhere.

Will you quiet down? I'll tell Diane not to work with you.

Will you shut up? Fuck you!

Would you? Yeah.

Write me a letter of apology. I will.

Yeah, "M C O." I thought the beeps were real.

Yeah, but he's so fun. Yeah, he's okay.

Yeah, enjoy them. Thanks. I'm gonna put them on.

Yeah, I got a pad. Okay.

Yeah, it's right in the front center... No, it's a necklace...

Yeah, Joanna. Okay, great.

Yeah, she is a good cook. Apple turnovers.

Yeah, the shoes? I know the ones.

Yeah, you don't need to look at it up close. I'm pro vagina.

Yeah. Okay, good.

Yeah. That's great.

Yeah. That's insane.

Yeah. Very much so.

Yeah. What have you got?

Yeah. I need my coat and my purse. Okay.

Yes and no. Oh, dear.

Yes, go for the passes. We'll be happy to take them.

Yes, I am. Can I see your room key, please?

Yes, I did. You did? You knew that?

Yes, I did. You had this table, too, right?

Yes, it's been quite a nice time. Right here, Room 4.

Yes, sure. I'm paying for that.

Yes, you did. What? What did I do?

Yes, you do. Don't know that.

Yes. How are you, Cheryl? Nice to see you.

Yes. I'm a pastel man.

Yes. That was a good one.

Yoga. You don't have to do it every Monday.

You all right? It was an accident.

You are lying, I want my money. Ask him.

You are. I'm a minus here, I'm not a plus.

You can really get stuck in traffic for hours. Yeah.

You can take a seat over here and wait. Okay, thank you.

You can't come home empty handed. Yeah.

You can't leave us. All right.

You cannot get rid of him. I have to, he's a freak.

You did? Unfortunately, the store was closed.

You didn't go to the prom? I didn't know there was a prom.

You didn't say anything... No, there was no time, the movie started.

You didn't? I did not.

You do something nice, see what happens? You get screwed.

You don't call after 10:00. No, 10:30.

You don't call people after 10:00. No, the cut off time is 10:30.

You don't do that to somebody. No.

You don't give a shit about anything! My baseball cards.

You don't know how to work it? No.

You don't know what it is. I couldn't help but overhear.

You don't mind us having the same coat? I would be so honored.

You don't recognize me, do you? No.

You don't see them in there? They're not in here.

You don't think the sleeves go out too far? No, you look so buff in it.

You drink that? Yeah, of course.

You ever heard of anything so nutty? Never.

You ever watch the Seinfeld show? Yes, sir.

You gave it to a homeless shelter? Yes, I did.

You got a paper? Yeah, it's over there.

You got her number, by some chance? What do you want her number for?

You got my pad? It's even better. You won't believe this.

You got to take a right at the barn. Right at the barn. Thank you.

You gotta fix this pump over here. Okay.

You gotta go. What are you talking about?

You gotta go. What?

You guys have a lot in common. There are recovering people who are blind.

You guys looking around? Great house.

You guys must be starved. Yeah, I'm hungry.

You have more serenity? In my own way I do.

You have no idea what happened? No.

You hear that? I can't use 'em.

You hooked me up with a freak. He's probably a good lawyer.

You just look wonderful. Do I?

You just want to help her career. Just want to help her out, that's all.

You know Gil? From the club? Yeah.

You know what else? Am I being fired?

You know what I was gargling there? Was it Yankee Doodle Dandy?

You know what? I suggest you write a note. I'm writing like Tarzan.

You know what? This is embarrassing. Yeah. You should be embarrassed.

You know who Wendy Praeger is? Yeah, director, right?

You know, I can't. Well, try.

You know, l... You got a tissue or something in here?

You know? No, I know.

You let this kid stay in your house? Yeah.

You like that? Shit happens.

You like that? That's unbelievable.

You like that? Yes, very much.

You need a scissor to cut the paper, right? To cut the paper, yeah.

You need a scissor, too, right? A scissor.

You okay? What's going on?

You ordered shoes. The shoes!

You owe me $10. Okay.

You saw me, you try to ditch me. That's not true.

You say six? Five.

You see why? Yeah. I like that.

You should be looking, too. I have been looking.

You should call Cheryl and apologize. I will.

You sponsored an inner city kid? An underprivileged kid.

You surprised me, pleasantly surprised me. Thank you.

You think he's horning? I do.

You think so? Yes, I do.

You thought I'd choke on that last ball. Yes.

You thought that we'd forgotten you. I thought that.

You wanna eat with him and his family? I'm starving.

You want me to give her a gift now? You gave it to her.

You want me to write a check, now? You fire me?

You want something to eat? I'm just gonna get going.

You want them back? Yeah, I do.

You want this? What is it?

You want to give... Yeah.

You were surprised. I was very surprised.

You were swinging great. That's twisting.

You were very good. Thank you.

You weren't doing a very good job of it. I'm exhausted.

You wouldn't have any spare change? No.

You! Quiet.

You'll get your check. Listen to me! Don't tell me to shut up.

You're doing The Vagina Monologues? Yeah.

You're doing... Johnny Carson used to say that.

You're gonna have to find another actress. Please, Cheryl, don't do this.

You're kidding me. You're kidding.

You're kidding, really? Yep.

You're kidding? No. Not kidding.

You're kidding. He said, "If I go home early from camp...

You're kidding. I haven't listened to it...

You're kidding. No, they're my shoes.

You're kidding. No.

You're not in the mood to do it? Not really.

You're not kidding. Are you kidding?

You're not leaving anything? I'm giving the waiter 30 percent.

You're so innocent. I'm not diabolical, you think I'm diabolical?

You're still coming in to get... Let me tell you what happened.

Your friends, I enjoyed their company. They're very nice people.

Your little pad? Yeah, my little brown pad.

Your name? Forget name.

Your wife? It's a plastic knife.

... would be worried about their transmission.

...7. What?

...strewn all over the car, all over my bleeding body.

'Cause I got some patients I could look at out there.

'cause my wife, she asked me, "What is he sorry about?"

'Cause of my porns.

'cause there's something I'd like to talk to you about.

'Cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?

'Cause you're a fat, fucking asshole, that's what you are.

'cause you're insensitive...

"4 Y something."

"Afterward, the gorgeous lady teaches me everything about my vagina.

"and he said I couldn't write the pilot for her...

"and just our bodies rubbing makes me come.

"And she says, 'So do you.'

"and she tells me to always know how to give myself pleasure...

"And, wow, I'm so hot...

"beloved aunt...

"Bless us, Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are to receive...

"Devoted sister, beloved cunt"?

"devoted sister...

"died of undisclosed causes..."

"Do you mind? Can't you move?"

"Don't let them leave." I said, "Don't worry about that."

"Double A, beep, beep, M C O."

"Double A, beep, beep, M C O." Everyone's heard that commercial.

"Enjoy" does not mean "like."

"from thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

"Gladys, George, look what they did."

"He's a big, fat idiot."

"Honey, I forgive you. Would you like to have sex?"

"I say, 'But I only have this white cotton bra and underpants.'

"I'm here!"

"In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen." Let's break bread.

"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

"It wasn't her mother who died, it was just her aunt.

"It'd be nice if he would've came up.

"It's not my fault."

"Kathy Griffin called him up...

"Look what they did to my Santino.

"Louise Hoenin, devoted sister, beloved cunt"?

"Louise Hoenin, H O E N l N...

"Mama's Boy."

"my mom will kill me, thinking I did bad things."

"She gently and slowly lays me out on the bed...

"She makes me play with myself in front of her...

"She's bringing The Vagina Monologues..."

"so I'll never need to rely on a man."

"so wild."

"so wild."

"Sweet dreams."

"that I always thought was nasty before...

"The alcohol has gone to my head and I'm loose and ready.

"The Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Amen."

"Then she does everything to me and my vagina...

"Then she undresses me slowly.

"There's no pillows on this couch."

"We're sorry we called her a cunt, we meant 'aunt"'?

"Who doesn't come up to look at another man's kid?"

"without even asking me. He's an idiot."

"You don't look happy, you should break up!"

"You should break up with her today.

"You're not there, you're not there."

"You're not there, you're not there."

$10, I promise. Thank you.

$2.20 please.

10:00 is the cut off, man. I thought the cut off was 10:30.

20 and 10? Yeah.