Archer (2009) - Season 3 Edit

A bar? Or, whatever. Cantina?

A beautiful man. Blue eyes, full lips, black, thick, wavy hair.

A black astronaut, Cyril. That's like killing a unicorn.

A helicopter. There's an old Huey down by the dock...

A helicopter. There's an old Huey down by the dock...

A jury? When you don't believe me?

A lot, actually. He's kind of a mess.

A lot, actually. He's kind of a mess.

A mental ward. White walls, white sheets...

A murder I'm trying to get a handle on, so could you shut up a second?

A round must have cut the brake line! That's okay, I got it.

A round must have cut the brake line! That's okay, I got it.

A ruse, you big dumb idiot.

A spark of recognition in his eyes. Know what he's looking at?

A spark of recognition in his eyes. Know what he's looking at?

A surprise! I hate surprises.

A what? This is actually, ahem, the ISIS safe house.

A zentai covers the face and head. I think a catsuit just stops here.

A, because he thinks they're imaginary, and B, the safe house doesn't have a

A, because he thinks they're imaginary, and B, the safe house doesn't have a...

A, because you're all crap. And B, who cares? We're not gonna land it.

Aah!

Aah! And this conversation isn't over!

Aah! And this conversation isn't over!

Aah! Five 0. Five 0.

Aah! Ow!

Aah! Ow!

Aah! Ow! Ka klunk.

Aah! That sounds like a private matter.

Aah! What the ? COMPUTER: Explosive decompression.

Aah! What the hell?! Damn guy. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Abomination? Baby, come on, you're not an abomination.

Acted without thinking.

Actually Krieger. More type, less gripe.

Actually, I don't think I'm in any shape to dance now, Barry.

Actually, I have no idea. They just used to say that in the hospital.

Actually, is it a five point harness, or ?

Actually, it'll be better if she thinks We're married!

Actually, not making much progress.

Actually, not making much progress.

Actually, yeah, gotta give him the sploosh.

Afraid I don't have the ingredients to recreate this exact breakfast, sir.

After I shaved and stuff, I took a pretty long nap, so

After seeing a tiger get murdered, Lana?

After they seen Pam ee?

After you blew me off for Katya, the big titted cyborg.

Again, 0w!

Agent Gillette, monitor this woman's vital signs

Agent Kane, are you all right?

Agent Kane, come with me. I may need some help getting us to Horizon.

Ah, great. And I am sorry I screwed your wife.

Ah!

Ah! Or her sole female descendant.

Ah! You're taking me to the premiere?

Ah! You're taking me to the premiere?

Ah. "Ms." Archer, I beg your pardon. Don't.

Ah. And gas is not so bad way to die.

Ah. And you have no idea where he went.

Ah. Archer, we don't have

Ah. I think perhaps you are confusing this with a zoo.

Ah. Seriously, I bet that would've killed a lesser man.

Ah. Seriously, I bet that would've killed a lesser man.

Ah. Thanks, I'll check

Aha, you like wear garter?

Aha, you like wear garter?

Aha, you like wear garter?

Aha! But I shoot gun many times...

Aha! But I shoot gun many times...

Ahem. Couple things.

Ahem. Hey, so, what happened was somebody ordered room service...

Ahem. I forgot to close the bar.

Ahem. None taken.

Ahem. Wow.

Aim!

All five minutes of it. At which point, Ms. Archer will probably dissolve me in a drum of acid...

All five minutes of it. At which point, Ms. Archer will probably dissolve me in a drum of acid...

All I wanted was to mourn the murder of my crazy hot Russian fiancée...

All I wanted was to mourn the murder of my crazy hot Russian fiancée...

All I'm saying is there's a million green rectangle y reasons to complete the mission...

All of you.

All right, I'll let you get back to your, uh

All right! No, no, no. What are you doing?

All these drugs and weapons, attempted murder of police officers.

All they have to do Who cares why?

ALL: Aah! COMPUTER: Sink rate, sink rate.

ALL: Archer? Hang on.

ALL: Barry?

ALL: Drink, drink, drink!

ALL: Huh? Barry! Yeah, and I brought bubbly.

ALL: What? That sounds great. Best of luck.

ALL: What's Phase Three?

Allergies. To what, making sure people get on trains?

Almost there.

Almost, nothing.

Also a blanket. The AC in my room's stuck on freeze.

Also a blanket. The AC in my room's stuck on freeze.

Although hopefully not flaky.

Although I guess someone must have spilled a drink.

Although I was talking about an actual animal farm.

Although not nearly as badly as I am now.

Although, good point, Trish.

Although, I am curious why she wouldn't take off that trench coat

Although, I assume there's a bar?

Although, I assume there's a bar?

Although, I guess it has been a long time.

Although, if I was a gambling man

Although, if I was a gambling man...

Although, neither is Riley. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Although, neither is Riley. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Always with the forgetting.

Always with the forgetting.

Am I seeing things?

Am I?!

Am not very fond of you. I mean, we have such history together, and

An airboat! And the head nurse falls in love with him...

An airboat! And the head nurse falls in love with him...

An apt metaphor.

An idiot, maybe. Wha ?

And Malory!

And 1000 bucks that's a tiger, Lana.

And a giant ass whipping.

And after I kill you and defile your cyborg y corpse, I'm gonna

And afterward, if Sterling want, he can still get some DNA from my body...

And again, I'm just incredibly sorry.

And again, I'm just incredibly sorry.

And again, the satellite is locked on the beacon...

And almost 9:30, Pam, in case you were thinking about...

And also a bunch of shaving cream and toilet paper. Ha, ha, ha.

And also because Katya needs a W 9.

And also I need to use the bathroom. A, it's called the head, and, B, no.

And also possibly Archer's father.

And also quit talking to you, because now I'm pretty sure that was just a recording.

And also, because Hello, friends of ISIS.

And also, is anybody gonna ask how and why I knew to show up here'?

And as you can Well, it's over there now...

And at least your own mother didn't just play chicken with your life!

And Barry doesn't like!

And before you see one thin dime, I want to talk to Sterling

And before you see one thin dime, I want to talk to Sterling.

And brilliant. When I'm done, each of us will walk out carrying a small parcel.

And call me the very instant you have an update.

And can it be fired with an erection?

And Cyril is utterly, laughably unqualified to be a field agent.

And do you realize you're insane? He wouldn't, by definition

And don't even think about doing anything crazy like defecting.

And don't get all girly on me. Check!

And don't take this the wrong way, but thank Christ!

And especially nobody from ISIS. LANA: Okay.

And even as the famines begin, global war will erupt...

And even more unclear on who you are.

And got us to dispose of the body. Ew.

And guess how that turned out.

And has anyone heard from Sterling? No Yes! He's out...

And he hasn't touched any of his bank accounts, so unless he Oh

And he wasn't always into that.

And he's looking out the window, the afternoon sun on his face.

And he's looking out the window, the afternoon sun on his face.

And here we go. They weren't even cold in the ground...

And hopefully an infusion of much needed capital.

And how can you explain that?

And I figured, eh, what's the hurry?

And I for one am gonna go watch Hooper and masturbate till my fingers bleed

And I for one am gonna go watch Hooper and masturbate till my fingers bleed.

And I for one would be delighted.

And I for one would be delighted.

And I for one would love to walk you down the red carpet.

And I for one would love to walk you down the red carpet.

And I hate this word, Barry, but this is gonna be epic!

And I honestly mean that

And I honestly mean that.

And I hoped I would never have to say this...

And I just assume that includes his spleen. I think that ship might have sailed.

And I just assume that includes his spleen. I think that ship might have sailed.

And I only had a second to answer, so I thought, "What would Lana do?"

And I promise

And I think we all know why. Carol!

And I thought you were scared of robots. I No, not Katya, she's different.

And I thought, "Oh, well, this will teach him."

And I won't lie to you. This mission will be dangerous.

And I would really like that open marriage to include...

And I'll bet on it. Go on.

And I'll bet on it. Go on.

And I'll go try to convince Malory that you'll be an asset to ISIS.

And I'm really rich and this is my manservant, Jerkins.

And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I was ashamed of you.

And I'm telling you that I didn't sign up for Animal Farm in space.

And I'm telling you to do it.

And I've had nothing but liquor and mangoes for three months...

And ideally before tomorrow at dawn.

And if Calzado's men got Cyril, we'll rescue him when we get Calzado.

And if I let you up, are you gonna do anything stupid?

And if I let you up, are you gonna do anything stupid?

And if I were you, I'd come to terms with that...

And if I were you, I'd come to terms with that...

And if they don't, I'm going to.

And if we don't file her W 9, that first check will take, like, eight weeks.

And if you crash it... I won't.

And if you're wondering why we call it that...

And in return, did they hand you a signed receipt for the prisoner?

And is Krieger hard at work?

And isn't. Uh...

And it's all my fault because instead of doing my job, I was here...

And just what the hell is this?

And knowing that my colleague's life was in danger, I

And let me be the first to welcome you back into the dating pool.

And mankind can finally slip the surly bonds of Earth...

And maybe a son.

And maybe you wouldn't get rich, but at least it's an honest living.

And my mourning period for, um... Katya?

And my mourning period for, um... Katya?

And my place is currently flooding, so... Hotel.

And my point is, until you can look at your mother...

And my point is, until you can look at your mother...

And my possible father.

And neither is your situation. Ha! Heh heh

And neither is your situation. Ha! Heh heh.

And no DNA left for papa test. Nope.

And not in that sick bathroom, so There's a utility sink in my lab.

And not just... Well, mostly me, of course, but Dr. Krieger helped too.

And not to diminish the accomplishments of Dr. Charles Drew, but

And not to diminish the accomplishments of Dr. Charles Drew, but..

And now he's supposed to be here for guard duty.

And now I Sorry. Now I do actually see your point.

And now I... Sorry. Now I do actually see your point

And now, bastardo, I kill you!

And once your ISIS buddies find out that you kidnapped me and come find me...

And once your ISIS buddies find out that you kidnapped me and come find me...

And over there, strapped to a chair and shot to death...

And people in hell want ice water.

And point?

And remember, smiley face.

And remember, these are mutineers. Even if they try to

And second of all... What are we talking about?

And since I don't know which faction is behind the mutiny

And since I haven't called in, ISIS should be calling me anytime now.

And since I haven't called in, ISIS should be calling me anytime now.

And since there's nothing in these logs, I, too, would like some answers.

And since we've wasted a shitload of time already, I feel pretty good about this bet.

And since we've wasted a shitload of time already, I feel pretty good about this bet.

And smug it would be, because tell you I most certainly did.

And so begins the hunt for the most dangerous game!

And so E.Z. gave me a choice:

And so he started introducing all these accoutrements very gradually.

And so here's what I propose:

And so I think an apology is in order

And so now I gotta come to him as the law. And you accuse me of planning a murder?

And so, with your permission, while you breakfast on the terrace...

And sooner would be better than later.

And spoiler alert, it sucks!

And stealing cars.

And thank you. Krieger, wait.

And thanks so much for that. Cyril.

And that includes Europe, Lana, my Brazilian au pair.

And that we spare Malory the details of your time on Pirate Island.

And that we spare Malory the details of your time on Pirate Island.

And that, guys, I guess, is a pretty long answer...

And that, Mrs. Archer

And that?

And that's awful how?

And that's her saying that.

And that's twice! Sorry, ignore me, my whole thing is I just crave attention.

And the black guy is okay with this?

And the erection's really not appropriate. I'm still happy

And the last thing you need is another drink.

And then hides him somewhere, like an idiot kid hiding a lamp he broke.

And then hides him somewhere, like an idiot kid hiding a lamp he broke.

And then I get to have sex with My wife, you son of a bitch!

And then I just forgot about it, because that same night, I met

And then I just forgot about it, because that same night, I met...

And then just send me to fat camp and pray to God...

And then kill each other again. And call me, so I can watch you do it.

And then kill each other again. And call me, so I can watch you do it.

And then somebody get me a number 10 can of tomatoes.

And then try Lana's sat phone.

And then try Lana's sat phone.

And then you almost got everyone killed, and...

And then? Then we'll see. We'll keep it loose.

And then? Then we'll see. We'll keep it loose.

And then? What, he's on his own?

And they get chased by dirty cops, but in the end they win!

And they get chased by dirty cops, but in the end they win!

And this guy. What is that?

And this will be the final chapter in the McKlusky trilogy.

And this will be the final chapter in the McKlusky trilogy.

And this, this is your master plan? Huh? Heh.

And try not to shoot me in the Oh, shit.

And two Hang on.

And two more on the Intrepid. Stowaways, almost as good as her.

And two, not really liking your tone.

And two, you obviously don't know what "boarding party" means.

And until you Oops. Hang on. What ?

And until you... Oops. Hang on. What...?

And was also identified as a sleeper agent by the head of the KGB.

And we slowly tilt up to see a man's face: Gator McKlusky.

And what...

And whatever my equivalent of sploosh is, which I guess is just sploosh.

And where the hell is Sterling when I need him?

And who gives this woman to be wed in holy matrimony?

And who the hell taught you how to drive?

And why aren't you with the other trainees?

And why do you need so much blood?

And why does it always reek of paint?

And with your morphology, your IQ, your medical history

And you better have a talk with him!

And you cannot date Burt Reynolds. Can, am, and will continue to do so.

And you cannot date Burt Reynolds. Can, am, and will continue to do so.

And you don't have to keep repeating it. We've established where it is.

And you don't need one to know you'll suck at being a field agent.

And you just got a screenplay credit.

And you just got a screenplay credit.

And you know this how, exactly?

And you let her do it. I...

And you need your head examined if you think that abomination is ever going to work for ISIS.

And you never mind and also shut up.

And you opened it?

And you opened it?

And you say you got this from a KGB sleeper?

And you were gonna pay for it yourself, no assessment or anything.

And you were gonna pay for it yourself, no assessment or anything.

And you? Do you think I am a monster?

And you. You lose my son, you'll have to drink your meatball subs through a straw.

And you're just so...

And you're not one of my dick bosses, so can I help you?

And you're under arrest, albeit extra judicially.

And you've already given Cyril some training.

And, again, just really sorry about your nephew.

And, Drake, you can forget all about your crazy little Martian sex cult.

And, hey, watch out for that Adolf Hitler. He's a bad egg.

And, man, against those pinkieless bastards, you had better come correct.

And, more importantly, tried to murder me.

And, Mother, the constable wishes a word.

And, of course...

And, Riley, do I have to kill everyone myself? Huh? Oh.

And, uh, speaking of questions...

And/or my new hot tub.

And/or the police could show up. Oh, for the Now what do we do?

Animal Farm is a book.

Answer me. No, I've said too much alrea...

Anthropologist.

Anthropologist.

Any questions?

Any worse. ls what I was gonna say.

Anyhow...

Anyway, effective immediately, I'm promoting Cyril to field agent.

Anyway, he wants Randy's dope farm for himself or he'll kill him, so I gotta go and...

Anyway, Savio was in Italian intelligence

Anywhere. Which is where Archer could be.

Anywho, he's on a little island called Wapuni in French Polynesia.

Apparently that's my grieving process.

Apparently the intruders downloaded a virus into the mainframe.

Apparently. This intel's a week old.

Apparently. This intel's a week old.

ARCH E R: Sterling Archer.

Archer

Archer Saw an electrical fire in the simulator.

ARCHER : A perfectly nice dinner, Calpurnia.

ARCHER : Hello? Sterling, dear, it's me. There's

ARCHER : Mainly because I have an incredibly addictive personality.

ARCHER : Will you come on? Grr!

ARCHER : Yeah, and here you go.

ARCHER : You've reached Sterling Archer's voice mail.

Archer broke both of Wu's arms.

Archer doesn't want to come back, so I don't know how Riley's gonna get him on a plane.

Archer goes to Burt's hotel room.

Archer goes to Burt's hotel room.

Archer, don't talk, just listen. ARCHER: Why, what's up? What do

Archer, don't! GILLETTE: Everybody down!

Archer, hey, about this expense report Not now, Cyril.

Archer, hey, about this expense report... Not now, Cyril.

Archer, stop it! ARCHER: Let me land it!

Archer, the important thing is that we're home.

Archer, the important thing is that we're home.

Archer, they were Redshirt freshmen, Lana, who I was grooming.

Archer, they were... Redshirt freshmen, Lana, who I was grooming.

ARCHER: And Lana can't even stand up.

ARCHER: And so here's what I propose:

ARCHER: Ba dum bum!

ARCHER: But, I mean, Barry did murder her.

ARCHER: Calls us...

ARCHER: Come on, Cyril, beat it. Get out of here.

ARCHER: Cyril, it's all you, buddy. You got it. Climb, climb.

ARCHER: Cyril? CALZADO: No breakfast for you.

ARCHER: Cyril? Cyril!

ARCHER: Cyril? Oof! Unh!

ARCHER: Five more minutes! God.

ARCHER: For once? Oh, my God, Columbia Hou ?

ARCHER: Happy, Cyril?

ARCHER: Heh, heh. Do you not'?

ARCHER: Hello? Oh, man. Hold on. Sterling? Sterling, dear, it's me.

ARCHER: Hello? Sterling, it's

ARCHER: Here they are, God, geese at the trough.

ARCHER: Hey, so listen.

ARCHER: Hmm. Like vampires? No! Nothing like vampires, idiot!

ARCHER: How you doing, Riley? How the hell do you think I'm doing?

ARCHER: I did that. ...the other pedal flushes it.

ARCHER: I have a question, Mother.

ARCHER: I know, look at our defenders.

ARCHER: I swear to God, if I went blind right this very second, I'd be okay with that.

ARCHER: I'm sorry.

ARCHER: I'm sorry.

ARCHER: Jesus!

ARCHER: Katya! You're alive!

ARCHER: Lana! LANA: Archer!

ARCHER: Leave it!

ARCHER: Maybe even what? Executive producer.

ARCHER: Mother, what is in this man's ass? MALORY: Oh, please.

ARCHER: No thanks to you.

ARCHER: No, it doesn't. Ugh.

ARCHER: No!

ARCHER: Noah, seriously, I swear to God, stop.

ARCHER: Not for long they're not.

ARCHER: Not sure that's helping. Yeah? Well, neither are you!

ARCHER: Now who's got a vagina problem?

ARCHER: Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

ARCHER: Oh, my God! That's right!

ARCHER: Okay, so Aah.

ARCHER: Okay, the airlock's closed. Happy?

ARCHER: Okay, the airlock's closed. Happy?

ARCHER: Ow! Jesus, Krieger, that's the bone.

ARCHER: Ow! Oh, eat a dick, jungle!

ARCHER: Phase Two? What's Phase ?

ARCHER: So he put the, uh...? In his own ? MALORY: Yes. Hush.

ARCHER: Somebody get his goddamn gun!

ARCHER: Spoon him! What do you mean, spoon him?

ARCHER: Sucks. Bet he knew how to make sauce.

ARCHER: The bridge. Yes, I heard you. So unless we're going the wrong way...

ARCHER: The crease, idiots! Guard the crease!

ARCHER: The hell is wrong with you, Lana?

ARCHER: The tiger says...

ARCHER: Then I think I took a cab.

ARCHER: They're running out of time, Pam. Oh, all right.

ARCHER: Ugh. Oh, God. Ugh.

ARCHER: Ugh. What is that? I've never smelled that smell in America.

ARCHER: Uh, Barry? Yo. Yeah, let's get it on, brother.

ARCHER: Uh, little help? No, you're good.

ARCHER: WD 40, Mother.

ARCHER: Well, then why not just say "kilometer"?

ARCHER: What are you doing? CYRIL: Heh, heh, heh. You'll see.

ARCHER: What, Lana? LANA: I

ARCHER: Which I guess will be never.

ARCHER: Yeah, funny stuff.

ARCHER: Yeah. She did look pretty happy, huh?

ARCHER: Yes, this LZ, you dumb ass.

ARCHER: Yes. LANA: No!

Archer! Don't yell at me.

Archer! Quit screwing around with the robot and shut the damn airlock already!

Archer! Sorry, go on, Trish.

Archer! Whoa!

Archer! You had, like, an actual moment of self awareness in space, so

Archer?

Archer? Burt.

Archer? Burt.

Archer.

Archer. ...michelada.

Archer. And then it came to me.

Archer. His mother, dating his man crush?

Archer. His mother, dating his man crush?

Archer. Ray is dying.

Archer. Ray is dying.

Archer. What, you want one?

Are the accommodations to your liking? Honestly?

Are the cuffs really necessary?

Are we doing ? Did I mention I have a surprise for you?

Are you done? Hang on.

Are you finished?

Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life?

Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life?

Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life?

Are you k You're still mad about that?

Are you like dating, or...? It's...

Are you ready? No.

Are you really that selfish?! ARCHER: Apparently!

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious? On my...?

Are you sure they can't get in?

Are you telling us that?

Are you? Cyril, here, make yourself useful.

Are you...? And I am being serious here. Are you insane?

Are you...? Sterling, you left it unlocked in an unattended garage.

As always. Not always.

As he grew older, Savio's tastes became more and more exotic.

As hypothesized, after mind shredding hallucinations...

As I was saying, it's possible for the EMP to stop a man's heart.

As of right now, I'm What the ? Looking for this?

As the crack dealers move to nicer ones? This better be good, Krieger.

As to that, you can name your price.

As we fought, it became more like, like dancing.

As you can imagine. Yeah, this good to hear.

Ass.

At least I'm not sky captain of "I ran away from home."

At least you got a honeymoon. My fiancée was murdered.

At least you have one.

Aw, but I love it when Malory bails you out of one of your idiot jams.

Aw, but I love it when Malory bails you out of one of your idiot jams.

Aw, crap snacks! How could this get ?

Aw, honey.

Aw, man, I just totally lost face.

Aw, nice one, other Barry.

Aw, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. And here all this time I thought it was because you were ashamed of us.

Aw. That's actually kind of sad. All right, here's the plan.

Aw. That's actually kind of sad. All right, here's the plan.

Awesome.

Awesome. And remember, it's us or them.

Awkward.

Aye freaking aye.

Babe, what're you hungry for?

Babe, you wanna...? Oh, uh, sorry, darling.

Baby, I don't care about the chips and gears, and, I assume, some hinges...

Banana saddle, sissy bar.

Bar is to be stocked with non alcoholic beverages.

BARRY : Archer!

Barry doesn't wear a shirt.

Barry gave me up so you'd trust Jakov on the rest.

BARRY: Bone dancing. Shut up!

BARRY: No!

BARRY: Oh, I think other Barry might.

BARRY: Ow. Is that the best you've got?

Barry!

Barry!

Barry!

Barry! CHERYL: Polo!

Barry? Barry. Barry.

Barry? Was here?

Barry? Wow, I was hoping I'd bump into you.

Bawk!

Be a lamb and take those to the kitchen.

Be that as it

Beautiful, smart, funny, successful. Mm. Like, one of those, tops.

Beautiful, smart, funny, successful. Mm. Like, one of those, tops.

Because apparently there's no proof that we did

Because Barry is a psychopath.

Because Barry's got a master plan...

Because believe me when I tell you, ain't nothing you can do to help him.

Because did you know that in Chinese, the words for crisis and opportunity are the same?

Because even if we didn't need all the manpower we can get...

Because he thinks he's going to move in with me!

Because he's not paralyzed! And is that not the stuff of miracles?

Because I burn clean, Cyril. Because I don't glop up my engine with bear claws.

Because I can change the date for you on that Omicron Spacemaster.

Because I fear that one faction, led by radical nationalists, has mutinied.

Because I get those a lot.

Because I need a small cadre of highly trained agents...

Because I wasn't sure if you knew what amenable actually meant.

Because I will gobble them up.

Because I won't I can't let anyone jeopardize the success of this mission.

Because I'm kind of surprised to see you married.

Because I'm part of everybody. Damn that blabbermouthing Pam!

Because if and when Nikolai shows up here, he's not staying at my place.

Because if it is, pretty elaborate.

Because if it was Oh.

Because if you don't kill me and I get loose...

Because if you don't kill me and I get loose...

Because it sure as shit ain't a surprise party, Krieger. You big fat liar.

Because not only am I lightheaded, but certain parts of me are

Because of a stupid bicycle?

Because of our loyalty.

Because of the Cubans or because Burt Reynolds is doing your mom?

Because of the Cubans or because Burt Reynolds is doing your mom?

Because one night, all those years ago in Rome...

Because Phase Two is a little rough

Because she ripped it out! Wait, your liver?

Because shut up. Oh, jungle zing.

Because since you've all been half assedly phoning it in

Because that dude is out of his damn mind.

Because that would mean she called the cops on herself.

Because that's exactly the brand of unparalleled professional excellence...

Because that's exactly the kind of decisive action this mission calls for.

Because that's the high level of care that I am taking of it.

Because the floor is lava!

Because the last thing you want is Lana, hold up a sec.

Because the liquor stores aren't open yet, and she made me pour out all the booze!

Because then what?

Because there are no Cubans. Uh...

Because there are no Cubans. Uh...

Because there's nothing special about today whatsoever, Mother.

Because they, or we, I guess, don't know how to tell you...

Because this thing feels amazing.

Because we are totally vulnerable.

Because we are totally vulnerable.

Because we would be amenable to that.

Because we're in a dungeon.

Because we're in a dungeon.

Because who's to say you're not using him for sex?

Because you can bet every KGB agent and freelance assassin...

Because you can forget ransom, now you and your friends will die here.

Because you can forget ransom, now you and your friends will die here.

Because you could never be bothered to get a real job!

Because you left the hospital in a wheelchair!

Because you'd be dead. Houdini's dead?

Because you'd be dead. Houdini's dead?

Because you're going to get Calzado, dead or alive.

Because you're going.

Because your job? That's a job for sissies. Oh, yeah? Well, guess what!

Because, as I may have mentioned Fifty times.

Because, as I may have mentioned... Fifty times.

Because, uh, it looks like you're sitting here with a gun, right?

Before I kick this ladder over in the hopes of paralyzing you for real...

Begin clinical trial 14.

Being looked for by people who don't want to find him.

Being made an ass, he really doesn't.

Beset on all sides by idiots.

Besides leaving your cooch in the sink? BOTH: Pam!

Besides suffering from gigantism? Shut up.

Besides the danger of drunk driving, it's obviously a huge design flaw.

Besides the stuff about Jakov, which obviously is what you meant, so

Besides, throwing money away like that would displease El Contador.

Best man. Well, best available.

Birds eye view of lacrosse!

Birds eye view of lacrosse!

Birthday voicemail, Mother. I gotcha, heh, heh, heh.

Black, bitter, preferably fair trade.

Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails.

Bloop! The welsher says CYRIL: Psst!

Boarding party, into the airlock.

Boring conversation anyway.

Both, I guess. Look

BOTH: Don't ask. And follow up...

BOTH: Don't ask. Just get it out of here, please.

BOTH: Great

Brett, shut up. What else does it do?

BRETT: Phrasing, boom. MALORY: Brett!

Bring it.

Bring it.

Bring them.

Bring them.

BUCKY : I don't have pencil. It's an idiom!

BUCKY: Aah! LANA: Unh...

BUCKY: Sterling Archer.

Bullying Cyril isn't gonna make Burt Reynolds stop shtupping your mom.

Bullying Cyril isn't gonna make Burt Reynolds stop shtupping your mom.

Burglars, Lana, that's why I'm here and not up to my ears in stewardess.

Burt Reynolds didn't give you a black eye, the floor did.

Burt Reynolds didn't give you a black eye, the floor did.

Burt Reynolds is on line one!

Burt Reynolds is taking me to a movie premiere tonight, so

Burt Reynolds is taking me to a movie premiere tonight, so...

Burt, dear, what a lovely surprise.

Burt, dear, what a lovely surprise.

Burt, no!

Burt, no!

Burt, watch the goddamn road. Oh, shit.

Burt, watch the goddamn road. Oh, shit.

BURT: Don't you wanna help your friends? ARCHER: I don't care about them.

BURT: Emotional intimacy.

BURT: I'm sitting here with just a mustache and memories of last night.

BURT: You know what your problem is? ARCHER: My pants are wet?

Burt? Oh, no. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Burt? Oh, no. No. Yeah. Yeah.

But I can assume!

But Lana. What has gotten into you?

But Obviously, I cannot allow you to live.

But after that, it's just snippets

But could you close your eyes?

But Cyril, machines can hurt people.

But damned if I'm gonna contribute to the obesity epidemic.

But Drake wants to use the Intrepid to push Horizon to Mars...

But even if he is, which he is No, he isn't!

But even if he is, which he is..

But even still, Riley, you gotta be quicker.

But ever since then, once a year, he'd slip away...

But first I need some clean clothes. This is not mud all over my pants.

But first, let's me and you cut a rug.

But go ahead. I mean, start.

But he drinks a lot, so...

But he got murdered.

But I can tell you right now, my heart won't be in it.

But I didn't... You know.

But I didn't... You know.

But I do not know these people.

But I do remember her being the best sex I've ever had in my life.

But I don't see why that means you have to drink my Glengoolie Blue

But I don't want Mother talking to Bucky.

But I don't want Mother talking to Bucky.

But I guess that was too much to ask!

But I guess that was too much to ask!

But I guess you're out of luck, because we had a...

But I guess you're out of luck, because we had a...

But I guess you're out of luck, because we had a...

But I have to island hop to refuel.

But I have to say, you don't look like me.

But I meant about Katya.

But I want to know how you got aboard.

But I'm still very proud of you.

But I'm willing to, you know, let bygones be gone by the wayside.

But I've never even heard of Pangu.

But if I find out the KGB is behind this You won't!

But if we begin now, using the lessons learned aboard Space Station Horizon...

But if you're trying to actually escape

But if you're trying to actually escape...

But in meantime, you think I will be safe?

But it can land on water, right? Isn't that the whole point?

But it's just a pot test, right?

But Malory, I assumed Which you shouldn't have.

But Ms. Archer said What, Pam?

But nobody is gonna save you, Archer

But now I guess the Archers of Loafcrosse...

But now I guess the Archers of Loafcrosse...

But Randy thinks we are!

But remember earlier, when you said you and I were friends?

But remember earlier, when you said you and I were friends?

But rest assured we are on it, and Archer is on it, and...

But right now this?

But seriously, I bet I will be late, so go ahead and pull the trigger on those martinis.

But she did, she came home with me.

But since apparently money is no object...

But since you're on such an accelerated training schedule

But so did you talk to him about responsibility when you gave it back?

But Spacebot...

But speaking of, it's about suppertime.

But thank you all so much for coming.

But that totally wasn't my fault.

But the co op board was like, "But what'll we do with the garbage?"

But the co op board was like, "But what'll we do with the garbage?"

But then it sort of turned into this whole weird cryptofascist CIA shit show...

But then you started getting weird.

But these other three, whatever, who cares? I mean, Noah's a slave.

But these other three, whatever, who cares? I mean, Noah's a slave.

But this better not be a ruse. Heh, heh. A ruse?

But this is!

But this time, get in there. All you've been doing is giving one side hell.

But this will take hours, so we'll just bring you a report when it's done.

But those bullet holes don't prove anyone else was here.

But we can expect heavy resistance. I'm sure the mutineers are armed.

But we can't do any of that "mail somebody a finger" shit

But we haven't been trained properly! To what? Wear a seat belt?

But we searched for so long to find the perfect human female specimen.

But who? Which one?

But why do you care? A, you're gay...

But why dwell on that? We're home.

But why dwell on that? We're home.

But why you make la vendetta?

But why? After all this time?

But you come in here, guns blazing, half cocked, and probably half drunk...

But you do probably want to go wash your lips now.

But you do see one another?

But you gotta admit, you were extremely pick on able.

But you probably wanna go ahead and slow down.

But you probably wanna go ahead and slow down.

But you probably wanna go ahead and slow down.

But you see, even the majestic Bengal tiger is too easy to kill. It's boring...

But, no, you didn't listen to me. And then you lied to me.

But, specifically, now, about Katya.

By God, if you were my servant, I'd have you over my knee in a trice.

By marrying her? Okay, that actually was Peter Lawford's.

By tending bar and banging newlyweds?

By the new head of the KGB, who is also a cyborg.

By tracking the satellite signal from Katya's internal hard drive...

Call your mother, get big, big money! Awesome.

Called it! CYRIL: Ha, ha.

Calling yourself that can't help. Hang on, true story. Operation C.I.A.?

Calling yourself that can't help. Hang on, true story. Operation C.I.A.?

Calpurnia? May I speak with you in the kitchen?

Caltrops?

Calzado is on a three wheeler. Can you believe that guy?

Calzado's boss

Can I see your neck a minute? Oh, Barry.

Can we at least have beers?

Can we have our words, clothes and airplane back?

Can you believe it? ARCHER: No.

Can't breathe.

Can't complain. Ain't nobody'd listen if I did.

Can't or ? Won't, whatever. Pick one.

Can't or won't?

Can't or...? Won't, whatever. Pick one.

Can't see shit, my car's shot to shit, and I only had three shitty payments...

CAPTAIN: "Fortress." That is the word. My English so crap.

CAPTAIN: Douche bag. What?

Car thieves. And this was obviously a ring of very high end car thieves.

Careful. Even on stun, it can

Carol! Oh, right.

Carol? Wha ?

Carol. No.

Cash reserves, how much do we have?

Cash reserves, how much do we have?

Cement floors, steel bars, no room to run around, nothing to play with

Certainly. Ow. Heh heh.

Charter a private jet to Honolulu.

Cheers! Safe house?

Cheese it, it's the cops.

CHERYL : Bun' Reynolds is on line one!

CHERYL : Polo.

CHERYL : Polo.

CHERYL: Aah! What in the ?

CHERYL: Cyril, stop!

CHERYL: I know, right? Some honeymoon.

CHERYL: Just like the gypsy woman said! Oh, for

CHERYL: Orientals! Duh.

CHERYL: She'll do anything to keep us from the throne which is our birthright.

CHERYL: There's teriyaki?

CHERYL: Ugh, gross. Keep it moving, cripple.

CHERYL: Well, here it is. BARRY: Neat.

Cleaning out my freezer last week, I found a big bag of skank.

Clear

Clear. Clear!

Clinical trial 13. Subjects' responses are exceeding expectations.

Columbia House Record Club.

Columbia House Record Club.

COM P UTER: Docking complete.

Come here, you skinny legged son of a bitch!

Come on out, Archer. I mean, I'd come in, but. ...

Come on, baby, keep that nose up.

Come on, Cyril, go all rogue on him.

Come on, Lucy Goosey, you can do it.

Come on, people. Look alive.

Come on, that marriage was doomed. And so are we, if we don't work together here.

Come on, that's what family's all ab

Come on, you make me sound like some kind of chupacabra, but for dicks.

Come on, you're gonna kill him. Yup, that's the plan.

Come on, you're gonna kill him. Yup, that's the plan.

Come on!

Come out of there with your hands up!

Come out to play.

Coming. Sorry, I was in the kitchen.

Commander Kellogg, there are three women on the Intrepid.

Commander Kellogg? It's Drake.

Commander? As to our role?

Compared to finger mailing.

Compared to ****, which seems like a thing pirates would do.

COMPUTER : Docking coupler disengaging.

COMPUTER : Security breach, Pod 6.

COMPUTER: ...30 meters...

COMPUTER: Agent Sterling Archer, code name Duchess.

COMPUTER: Fifty meters. LANA: You're doing great, Cyril.

COMPUTER: Gravity engaged.

COMPUTER: Ignition.

COMPUTER: Ignition.

COMPUTER: T minus 90 seconds.

COMPUTER: T minus five, four...

Contact our sleeper in New York and then cancel all my meetings this week...

Cookie Puss.

Cookie Puss. Those guys at Carvel know what they're doing.

Cool. Oh, and this whole thing reminds me.

Corinth is famous for its leather.

Cough. Well, not you.

Could we go out through the basement?

Couple things.

Cover it with malaria and leeches, sprinkle some dengue fever on it...

Cover your arm up, answer the door and stall them.

Cranberry raisins. Craisins?

Crapjacks, he's coming over here.

Crappily. Oh, for...

Croatoan!

Cross the microchip in my heart.

Cuban hit squad! I gotta go!

Cuban hit squad! I gotta go!

Current status: missing.

Cut it out, Archer. I'm landing. COMPUTER: Fifty meters, 40...

Cut it out, that tickles.

Cut it out, that tickles.

Cut it out.

Cut it out.

CYRI L: Well, try.

Cyril Burt Reynolds is actually banging

CYRIL & GILLETTE: What? Did you say "Mars"?

Cyril, don't make me regret this decision.

Cyril, Drake said let me fly it.

Cyril, dress appropriately. You'll be helicoptering into the jungle.

Cyril, I'm pretty tense right now.

Cyril, I'm pretty tense right now.

Cyril, never mind moving that money.

Cyril, never mind moving that money.

Cyril, what the hell is going on? Are you a drug dealer now?

Cyril, you're in command, try not to kill us. Everybody else, strap in.

CYRIL: Aah! Five 0. Five O.

CYRIL: Before I knew what was happening ..

CYRIL: Krieger, go!

CYRIL: No. Cyril, come on, let me out.

CYRIL: Oh, Jeezy H. Petes.

CYRIL: Oh, Jeezy H. Petes.

CYRIL: Oh, shut up, ma'am. ARCHER: Loved it.

CYRIL: Okay, folks, next stop, planet Earth.

CYRIL: Or are you?

CYRIL: Ow! Sorry, Cyril, did that hurt?

CYRIL: Seriously. Thanks, ghost of Teddy Roosevelt.

CYRIL: Then they brought me here. I bluffed my way through the rest.

CYRIL: Wait a minute, that can't be right.

CYRIL: Yeah, both head and ass. PAM: Pounds you like meat.

Cyril! Ooh! Hey, what's your problem?

Cyril! Wha...?

Cyril! Yes, it freaking hurt!

Cyril? Yeah, that's why I said hold up.

Cyril.

Cyril.

Cyril.

Cyril. Cyril!

Cyril. Cyril.

Cyril. He's actually just a distributor...

Cyril. No, I bet in this context, the "Shadow."

Cyril. Wha ? Hey, Ms. Archer.

Cyril. Wha...? Hey, Ms. Archer.

Cyril... Burt Reynolds is actually banging...

Da, da, keep your shirt on.

Da, I have feelings just like all of you.

Da, please, Woodhouse, I think boldness is needed.

Da, then our love is like tsunami.

Da? And what do you see in my eyes?

Damn it, Archer.

Damn it, Archer. It's my turn. Cyril.

Damn it, I'm gonna puke and there's no room in the toilet or the sink.

Damn it, that was closer than any of us have gotten to actually landing.

Damn it!

Damn it!

Damn it! I know, it's the one single drawback.

Damn it. Guess I'll have to park on the street.

Damn it. Nutella steak and eggs?

Damn that Krieger. Nazi clone bastard. Ah.

Damn, I can barely hold her level. Want me to help steer or ?

Damn, Krieger can't outrun anything with all that handicapped shit.

Damn, Krieger can't outrun anything with all that handicapped shit.

Damn, no money. Tracksuit, no pockets.

Dan Lather. Ha, ha, ha.

Darling!

Darling? Baby, I was emotionally shattered.

Dead woman, my still shapely ass.

Deliverance, Gator, and this is him in Cosmo

Deliverance, Gator, and this is him in Cosmo.

Depends on the situation. Ow.

Depends on the situation. Ow.

Did Did we? Yeah, we did. And you loved it!

Did not like.

Did they get into the mainframe? I don't know, but

Did you not hear me tell you not to let your brand new car get stolen?

Did you see that?

Did you try "guest"?

Did you try "guest"?

Didn't work out, because your mother Was impossible to please.

Didn't you hear him? He said

Dildo y unseemly

Discoverer of blood groups?

Discoverer of blood groups?

Do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?

Do I have to do everything?

Do not contact me. Regards, Burt Reynolds."

Do not contact me. Regards, Burt Reynolds."

Do not like.

Do something. Ow! And I am.

Do they speak English?

Do you hear me? I want proof of life

Do you hear me? I want proof of life.

Do you mind? I'm trying to parent.

Do you speak English? NOAH: I do. Yes.

Do you wanna have sex with my wife?

Dodge cannot stress this enough. Never drink and drive.

Does she hate what I am? What you are, meaning the one woman...

Does that mean so must my dream?

Does that mean so must my dream?

Doesn't it come in a silver chalice?

Doesn't it come in a silver chalice?

Doesn't Italy use a king? I wouldn't know.

Doesn't Italy use a king? I wouldn't know.

Doesn't matter, ice can't tell time.

Doesn't matter, we can't catch them. We're all the way acr Oh, shit!

Doesn't matter, we can't catch them. We're all the way acr... Oh, shit!

Domo arigato, Archer Roboto

Don't act like you've never seen a marital aid before.

Don't be nervous, I'm not gonna **** you.

Don't be. I tracked him down. What?

Don't care, can't feel my legs.

Don't come crying to me when she breaks your heart again.

Don't get me wrong. I'd still do her.

Don't judge me on the how, until you see the why.

Don't judge me. Food.

Don't just sit there sweating like a gigantic cheese.

Don't listen to her, Cyril, you're gonna do great.

Don't make it weirder.

Don't make it weirder.

Don't mess with those knobs. I got the frequency set.

Don't move. I'll, uh... I'll probably be back.

Don't remind me.

Don't ruin your postcoital bliss with a bunch of misplaced guilt.

Don't say "****."

Don't say "whordiot." We hate that.

Don't say it! Do not say it!

Don't say that, Mr. Sleepy Head.

Don't scream, it's me.

Don't see how you stand it.

Don't take this the wrong way, but duh. I mean our love, darling.

Don't take this the wrong way...

Don't take this the wrong way...

Don't talk like black people. And how should I know? I'm still ripped.

Don't talk like black people. And how should I know? I'm still ripped.

Don't worry about me, I'm...

Don't worry about my methods. The important thing is that nobody tells...

Don't worry, I Wait, what?

Don't worry, I... Wait, what?

Don't worry, she won't bite.

Don't yell at me, this was your idea! What?

Don't you ever disrespect her.

Don't you get it?

Don't you have some humans to resource? Actually, no.

Don't you have that backwards?

Don't you move. Don't move a inch.

Don't you people get it?

Don't you touch me!

Don't you touch me!

Don't you wanna get rescued? Yeah, but those could be pirates.

Double check that. I'm showing green across the board.

Drake, you're gonna fly us back to Earth to stand trial for, whatever, space piracy.

DRAKE: Aah! I'm hit, I'm hit!

DRAKE: Agent Kane, I

DRAKE: Bio matrix composite body armor.

DRAKE: Come on, baby, just a few more seconds!

DRAKE: Excellent.

DRAKE: I would be well within my rights to jettison both of you into space.

DRAKE: My God.

DRAKE: No, no, no, now what?

DRAKE: No, that's it right there.

DRAKE: Retake the ship!

DRAKE: Right?

DRAKE: Roger, Control. All systems are go.

DRAKE: Say "dwarven technology" again! What the ?

DRAKE: That's why we call it that.

DRAKE: Ugh, you idiots.

Drones? You wanna...? Thank you, thank you.

Drop your weapon. Make me.

Drop your weapons. Drop your weapons!

Duck!

Duck!

Dude, are you even alive?

Dude. Awesome.

Duh!

Duh.

Duh.

Duh. Are you telling me Barry...

Duh. Right. Which by the way, you are totally rocking.

Duh. The party's starting, and this dress makes me look like a whore!

Duh. Well, then, have fun.

Duh. Where are you? What's all that...?

Duh. Why do you think they call me shiro kabocha?

Dukes. Yeah, we got new keycodes Monday...

Dungeon. Us. Crab. Huh?

Dungeon. Us. Crab. Huh?

Dwarven technology.

Dying in this freaking car!

Dying in this freaking car!

E.Z. Ponder, yeah, and he used to bully me so bad in high school

E.Z., don't shoot! Ahem, I'm coming out!

Earth is doomed.

Eastbound and down

Eastbound and down

Effective against small arms fire. And we need all the help we can get.

Eh?

Eh. On our way home, we simply drop the parcels...

Eh. Potato, po dildo.

El contador? Doesn't that mean J? CYRIL: The accountant, sf.

Elaborate voice mail hoax

Elaborate voicemail hoax.

Elegant dinner party, for the most elegant people in all of New York.

Emergency beacon. Beams a signal directly to the ISIS satellite.

Emotional intimacy.

End of discussion. And since this meeting is for field agents only...

Especially this year, as we had more than the usual medical bills.

Et me, buddy. Ah!

Et tu, Brute?

Even so, black astronaut, that's pretty huge. It actually is.

Even though Ray used to be a preacher, he was never big on the Old Testament.

Even when you're chopping through the ice in the toilet so you can poop?

Eventually, she'll get acclimated.

Every time y'all fight he beats you like the redheaded stepchild of a rented mule.

Every time, every single time we come over here...

Every time. Your big, fat mouth gets us caught every time.

Everybody okay?

Everybody okay?

Evil Cyborg versus Spacebot. Love it.

Ew, birth.

Ew!

Ew!

Ew! Ugh. Ugh

Ew! Yeah, I don't think you wanna do that.

Ew! Yeah, I don't think you wanna do that.

Ew. Ew.

Ew. Gross.

Ew. Lana, trust me, this is the only way.

Ew. Now I'm done.

Exactly, and how many drug users could be treated with that money?

Exactly, and if we get to the radio

Exactly, and if we get to the radio...

Exactly.

Exactly. Now, more than ever, is when we need to look to space...

Excellent. But of course I was joking.

Exciting, isn't it? ...three...

Excuse me? Burn.

Excuse me? Burn.

Excuse me? Sorry, hi, I'm Noah.

Excuse me.

Executive producer?! But I'm not...

Executive producer?! But I'm not...

Fade in: a mental ward. White walls, white sheets...

Fair enough, but I wish you'd reconsider.

Fairy tale? Uh, phrasing?

Fairy tale? Uh, phrasing?

Farmer! And I tried to get him to quit.

Farmer. ...but nobody murders my brother.

Farmer. He and Archer are in West Virginia doing...

Featuring a 440 V 8 engine, six speed manual transmission...

Ferlin, West Virginia. Yeah, and you and Ray are married.

Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.

Fifth thoughts! Archer!

Figuratively. And you had better hope we don't have to dodge any literally.

Fine, then pout.

Fine, then pout.

Fine, wherever. But no surprises.

Finely tuned hetero athletes. Yeah, hang on, I'm getting a call. Brriing!

Finely tuned hetero athletes. Yeah, hang on, I'm getting a call. Brriing!

Fire! Aah!

Fire.

Firing an ion cannon at the future Mother of Mars?

First of all, it's Y Y Zed, and second of all, no, I can't yet, it's impossible.

First of all, that is a rooster!

First of all... Riley, no. Don't say it.

First step's admitting it, Mother.

First thing is, your shitter's clogged.

Flight computer will dock the ship. Assemble boarding party.

Folks, we can't sit around eating her pie all day.

For a minute there I was thinking maybe you come back...

For a murder you both know I didn't commit?

For a total, wait for it, of eight.

For all we know they're building a Gundam suit with bazookas for hands.

For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the fricking face.

For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God.

For just putting a pole where the garbage chute already is.

For just putting a pole where the garbage chute already is.

For once, you're on your own.

For once, you're on your own.

For once? Oh, my God, Columbia Hou...?

For one thing, there's not enough sauce for everybody.

For real? Yeah, maybe even

For real? Yeah, maybe even...

For reasons that don't bear going into, I have to get it back before Mother finds out.

For shit's sake, Mother! How short is the list of guys you haven't screwed?

For shit's sake, Mother! How short is the list of guys you haven't screwed?

For the love of God, seal the exits!

For the ridiculous image you're trying to cultivate for yourself.

For the shockfights?

For what it's worth, I think you would've made a great Martian queen.

For what? Not believing me

For what? Space blastering me in the fricking tits?

For when I was thirsty, you saw fit to slake my

For your limp, useless legs.

Forget it. Never mind.

Fortunately, he's Italian, so that shouldn't be hard to sell.

Found what? BOTH: Don't ask.

Four, idiot. So get your things, we're leaving.

Four, idiot. So get your things, we're leaving.

From Newton's Apple. Will you shut up?

From the left, dear. One serves from the left.

From who?

Funny stuff. Jerkins, you douche bag.

Funny stuff. Not now, Jerkins.

Gator McKlusky.

Gator was a sequel. I know.

Gator was a sequel. I know.

Gave it back? Wow.

Gee, where to start? Oh, the murder?

Geez, somebody's raring to go.

Genesis 38, verse eight. Really?

Get back in here.

Get Cyril in here! I need him to find a way to pay for all this!

Get Cyril in here! I need him to find a way to pay for all this!

Get in there. In here sounds great.

Get off. You get off.

Get off. You get off.

Get off...

Get off...

Get some! Get some, you sons of bitches!

Get some! Get some, you sons of bitches!

Get the hell out, you piece of shit!

Get them! Get them!

Get them! MAN: Fire!

Get these folks a map of that damn minefield so they can come inside.

Get your bloated carcass Out! I got it, I'm on this, I got it!

GILLETTE: Both. CHERYL: Ow! You dumb idiot!

GILLETTE: I will start with the caviar and the '38 Montrachet...

GILLETTE: It's all in my hair.

GILLETTE: Okay, you're the prettiest! Come on!

GILLETTE: Randy!

GILLETTE: Shut up. Ray? Ray.

GILLETTE: Sweet, gracious God. RANDY: This here's what E.Z. wants.

GILLETTE: Well, there she is. The old homestead.

GILLETTE: Well... But listen to me, just yapping.

GILLETTE: You white trash piece of

Give him my whole dang operation, get out of the holler by sundown...

Give it. No. You're agitated.

Give me that.

Give me that. No. You're agitated.

Given the circumstances leading up to his death, which were

Go get my gray fox out of cold storage.

Go get my gray fox out of cold storage.

Go to the liquor store and buy a case Three cases of champagne.

Go, go, go!

God only knows what kind of torture Sterling's going through.

God only knows what kind of torture Sterling's going through.

God, if you only knew. What?

God, now that I think about it, you're my only friend.

God, now that I think about it, you're my only friend.

God, what is with me and Italian lately?

God, what's Russian for "duh"?

God, your hands are like cricket bats. Shut up.

Goddamn it, Archer. Ray needs O positive blood or he's gonna die.

Goddamn it, Archer. Ray needs O positive blood or he's gonna die.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it. Sorry.

Goddamn it. What?

Goddamn, dude!

Goddamn, dude. Sorry, but you're acting really crazy.

Goddamn! ARCHER: Brett? I thought you were dead.

Goddess of the Jungle, you are a whore.

Good heavens, a murder?

Good old Spacemaster.

Good to know. But I'm not there yet.

Good, because my point is

Good, because my point is...

Good, it's none of your beeswax.

Good, we got them.

Got that right. I mean her, yes, kind of, maybe...

Got that right. I mean her, yes, kind of, maybe...

Greased him into a 6 foot man rubber, strapped him to a chair...

Great. Now tell her to keep going north

Great. Now tell her to keep going north.

Green Russians. It's absinthe and milk.

Gross and, or, ick, and is she alive?

GUARD: Aah! My eye!

GUARD: Fire!

GUARD: Ow! My other eye!

Guys, come on, this is ridic

Gyppos.

Ha ha ha ha! Malory, I never said that!

Ha ha ha ha! Malory, I never said that!

Ha ha ha. Which is what I'm doing. I'm laughing.

Ha, ha Ow!

Ha, ha, ha. Homeboy knows what I'm talking about.

Ha, ha, ha. Is that how you crash a wedding?

Ha, ha, ha. Phrasing.

Ha, ha, ha. That was actually pretty sweet.

Ha, ha, ha. That was actually pretty sweet.

Ha, ha, nice.

Ha, ha. Amigo, I was just mocking...

Ha, ha. And it's a win win.

Ha, ha. Brett! BRETT: Aah!

Ha, ha. Crocodiles? On a three wheeler?

Ha, ha. I mean, between Archer ruining my life...

Ha, ha. Join that club.

Ha, ha. Oh, Barry, I am coming for you.

Ha, ha. Oh, Marmaduke.

Ha, ha. Who cares?

Ha! I'm not helping you terraform Mars. I won't move one cup of dirt.

Ha! You'll have to sedate me.

Ha. It is Barry who should worry.

Ha. There's a lesser man than you?

Ha. There's a lesser man than you?

Handi capable.

Hang on Archer, shut up!

Hang on, hang on. Katya person, I'm still processing the fact that you're a cyborg.

Hang on, hang on...

Hang on, Other Barry.

Hang on, wait! Let me see some hands!

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Happy birthday, dear.

Happy birthday, sir.

Happy coincidence.

Have a good time, Mother.

Have a good time, Mother.

Have you met her? Ow!

Haven't you done enough already? How is this suddenly my fault?

Having said that, would you please come in this dirty toilet stall and have sex with me?

He Who knows? Maybe he had a brain aneurysm.

He asked, intending to be facetious.

He could've been saying "underfinanced."

He does? A New York City interior decorator?

He does? I mean, yes? MURPHY: Yeah

He is, like, super strong, but then I was, like, floating toward this really bright light...

He just kind of keeled over.

He just kind of keeled over.

He just said "highly trained." And last time I checked...

He knew Jakov wanted to defect, so So he's been feeding him fake intel?

He knew the risk.

He literally might be, yes. Ew.

He ran out of there like fast, like crazy. So...

He really did a number. Make sure he didn't leave an upper decker.

He said, suddenly too big for his shit caked britches.

He told the government he's growing corn for "high flooktose" syrup.

He was part Indian. Right!

He was part Indian. Right!

He was really good in the simulator. Right up until he crashed it.

He was supposed to prep this dump. And didn't.

He what? What? You little...

He what? While shouting "whoo!"

He what? Yeah, apparently it's in the Bible?

He... Who knows? Maybe he had a brain aneurysm.

He'd have to. Thing's huge.

He'd never do that to me.

He's alive somewhere, and since you fools can't find him...

He's discreet. So no one else will ever know about this whole

He's gay.

He's gay.

He's got a Cuban hit squad after him. Why wouldn't he go to the safe house?

He's got a Cuban hit squad after him. Why wouldn't he go to the safe house?

He's not doing that!

He's not doing that!

He's not talking about the defenders.

He's supposed to meet me at 21 for his stupid birthday dinner, but he's not answering...

He's tracking down...

Heading north on the FDR at 60th. Getting shot at by your damn Cubans.

Heading north on the FDR at 60th. Getting shot at by your damn Cubans.

Heading out?

Heavy duty suspension, run flat tires...

Heh heh heh heh. It's an idiom, you heathen.

Heh heh heh heh. It's an idiom, you heathen.

Heh heh heh. And one, two, three, go, herd. Whoa! Unh!

Heh heh heh. And one, two, three, go, herd. LANA: Whoa! Unh!

Heh heh heh. Yes, they are ridiculous, no?

Heh, heh, heh. Burt, come on.

Heh, heh, heh. Burt, come on.

Heh, heh, heh. Burt, it's too fast! You're going too fast!

Heh, heh, heh. Burt, it's too fast! You're going too fast!

Heh, heh. Burn. Cyril.

Heh, heh. He said "meow."

Heh, heh. I totally was.

Heh, heh. Self burn. Cyril!

Heh, heh. You drive like an egg.

Heh, heh. You drive like an egg.

Heh, I'm kidding. Last thing you want's your redneck brother hanging around.

Heh, Katya, pumpkin, I promised I'd stop trying to kill Archer.

Heh, okay, okay. And why would I believe you?

Heh. A terrifying yet accurate comparison. Where'd you learn all that stuff?

Heh. I don't even remember who peed on your sofa.

Heh. I don't even remember who peed on your sofa.

Heh. Yeah, about that Noah, not now. And two...

Heh. Yeah, about that... Noah, not now. And two...

Hello, is this airboats?

Hello, pirates.

Hello, stress. And don't even get me started on my mother.

Hello, uh, miss? This is Commander Kellogg.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Give me Sterling Archer mother.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hi, it's lacrosse, you lose.

Hello? Hi, it's lacrosse, you lose.

Hello? Hi, it's the 1930s.

Hello? Jeannie? It's me, master.

Hello? Oh, man. Hold on. Sterling? Sterling, dear, it's me.

Hello? Sterling, dear, it's me. There's...

Hello? Sterling, it's...

Hello.

Help me, God, if you throw that computer on the floor again...

Help me, God, if you throw that computer on the floor again...

Here, here, look. I'm gonna get help

Here, let me get you Oh, my God, Cheryl!

Here, maybe this will help.

Here. I hope you won't need it, but Why would I need...?

Here. Unless you're a trifling bitch too.

Here's the files you had me pull.

Heroin! That's the last fricking thing I need.

Hey thanks, Guglielmo Marconi...

Hey, a man's gotta have a code. Right?

Hey, did I tell you guys I got a goat?

Hey, don't do that, don't apologize. Sorry.

Hey, guys? LANA: Zip it, nerds!

Hey, guys. we got a problem!

Hey, here's a thing. Your mother doesn't know you ran away to be a pirate, so

Hey, here's a thing. Your mother doesn't know you ran away to be a pirate, so...

Hey, hey, knock it off.

Hey, hey, knock it off.

Hey, if you just pay attention, you might just learn something here

Hey, if you just pay attention, you might just learn something here.

Hey, me too. And even if Riley is O positive

Hey, me too. And even if Riley is O positive...

Hey, pumpkin pie! What's that?

Hey, relax, Nick Furious. Save your strength for flying the chopper.

Hey, relax, Nick Furious. Save your strength for flying the chopper

Hey, spasibo for nothing

Hey, telephone. It's your mother. My ?

Hey, telephone. It's your mother. My...?

Hey, thanks, Archer.

Hey, thanks, Rain Man

Hey, way to not give them the power.

Hey, way to not give them the power.

Hey, what was that?

Hey, whoa, whoa, everybody calm down.

Hey, you know what? Yes.

Hey! ARCHER: Shut up!

Hey! Wait, or do I mean "sploosh"?

Hey! Whoa, Charles Benedict Davenport.

Hi, I'm Italian, huh? Well, that's a coincidence.

Hi, neighbor.

Hi, Sterling Archer. Sterling Archer?

Hi, Sterling Archer. Sterling Archer?

Hi. Lana Kane. You must be Major Jakov, such a pleasure.

Hi. Loved you in Gone with the Wind.

Hi. Loved you in Gone with the Wind.

Hit the throttle on the bourbon...

Hitting on your dead colleague's widow...

Hm? Oh, well, Savio liked it to seem a little dangerous. You know?

Hm? Oh. Oh, sorry.

Hmm? Oh, no, sorry. There's a funny "Marmaduke" on the fridge.

Hmm? Oh, sorry. Little thing called timing, Krieger.

Hmm. What? Don't listen to him.

Hmm. What? Don't listen to him.

Hmm. Yeah, and even though it's detachable, that vagina is, like, mind shattering.

Hmm. Yep.

Hold on, hold on! Hang on. Pick up, Sterling.

Hold on, hold on! Hang on. Pick up, Sterling.

HOLOGRAM: Krieger san!

Holy shit space!

Holy shit zombies! I know, right?

Holy shit, Cyril. Heh. Literally.

Holy shit, really? Glengoolie Blue?

Holy shit!

Holy shit! Burt Reynolds!

Holy shit! Burt Reynolds!

Holy shit! It's Burt Reynolds!

Holy shit! It's Burt Reynolds!

Holy shit! Lana! Hang on!

Holy shit! Lana! Hang on!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit. Did you just see that?

Holy shit. She killed him.

Holy shit. Wha ? What the hell happened to him?

Holy shit. Wha...? What the hell happened to him?

Home? Riley, I am home.

Homies.

Honestly, we can do this another time.

Hooray. Resume countdown, Control.

Hopefully, when you look at the drop points on a map...

Horizon has an international crew. American, German, Chinese, French

Horizon has artificial gravity.

How ? Well, for one thing, no bear claws

How about for you dragging us into your S&M dildo sex murder freak show?

How about now? It's gone. I'm all ears.

How about now? It's gone. I'm all ears.

How about you, lronside? You rolling dirty?

How am I gonna get home?

How are you both still alive?!

How are you this morning? I am amazing!

How can you just leave me here?

How can you not? Because I don't have a problem.

How dare you fail to recognize my greatest accomplishment to date?

How dare you? You can just forget about that ransom.

How dare you? You can just forget about that ransom.

How did she know about the elevator?

How did we bring food in here?

How did you afford all this? Farm subsidy.

How do you not get that? Cyril, I know what an animal farm is.

How else was I supposed to earn a living? Digging 'seng?

How in the hell are you? Pretty good, E.Z. How you doing?

How is it misplaced? I'm on my honeymoon.

How is this my fault?

How isn't important. What is important

How long was I out? Hard to say.

How much of my blood does he need? I don't know, 10 gills?

How much of my blood does he need? I don't know, 10 gills?

How much worse?

How much your mom loves you.

How small?

How totally hot is he?!

How totally hot is he?!

How would you know? I know, right?

How would you not? Who am I, Karl Landsteiner?

How would you not? Who am I, Karl Landsteiner?

How would you put it? Heh, heh.

How you doing, Riley? How the hell do you think I'm doing?

How you gonna keep 'em Down on the farm

How you say, come at me, bro.

How? I bet Archer kidnapped him

How? See?

How'd you get my medical records?

How's that feel, Archer, huh? Now both our weddings are canceled.

However, for, uh, numerous reasons...

Huh? Claymore mine full of steel balls...

Huh. Food for thought.

Huh. Food for thought.

Hurry up, we don't have a minute to lose.

Hurry up, we don't have a minute to lose.

I actually did forget that. Yeah, I never see you together.

I admit this isn't an ideal scenario.

I am gonna beat him like a rented mule!

I am incredibly sorry.

I am incredibly sorry.

I am like, uh...

I am not super confident about this.

I am putting this fork filled block of ice in this microwave oven.

I am so angry at you right now.

I am the world's deadliest predator.

I am thinking. While she thinks, bring me soup dumplings.

I am too. Look at me. Raccoon eyes...

I am too. Look at me. Raccoon eyes...

I am, actually.

I assume he did not want to give you the time to cook your books.

I assume to let the stink of cabbage waft through the halls, but

I believe a "thank you" is in order.

I bet Archer kidnapped him. How?

I bet he'll give you probation.

I bet I won't even be able to eat spaghetti and meatballs.

I bet I'll never be able to have sex again without thinking about this.

I bet that brain aneurysm scrambled his Broca's area.

I bet that brain aneurysm scrambled his Broca's area.

I bet you just need more practice. Try this: Jerkins, you're a douche bag.

I call it Krieger Kleanse. It's an herbal tea, all natural...

I call that the MOAB. it stands for

I call them groovy bears.

I came home from work, it was just lying on the sidewalk.

I came out of the bedroom...

I can actually marry y'all right here. MALORY: Oh, for God's sake! Get it over with!

I can feel your power.

I can get that down to 30 cents, and he will never even know.

I can look past our differences, Cyril, I'm a much bigger man than you think.

I can take him. Did you not see those claws?

I can't believe you all know about that.

I can't go live on Mars. I just rented a summer house.

I can't remember.

I can't with all the Everybody looking at me, and then the judgments

I can't with all the... Everybody looking at me, and then the judgments...

I checked out the apartment. It's clean.

I come to him as a friend...

I could eat

I could see that. So I doubt he'd wanna reciprocate.

I did! Wait, I did. I usually put my feet up on the grab bars.

I didn't know pirates were...

I didn't run away from home. I'm a grown man.

I didn't shoot him.

I didn't shoot him.

I do! And no mother of the groom, so

I do. What if this is a ruse? It's not a ruse.

I don't care if you have to use the plasma torch, get this door open.

I don't care what it is. The answer's no.

I don't care, Pam.

I don't even want the gay back. So you just better sharpen your pencil.

I don't even want the gay back. So you just better sharpen your pencil.

I don't have a response to that.

I don't have a response to that.

I don't have pencil. It's an idiom!

I don't know about always but

I don't know anything about cars.

I don't know her name, where she works. Woodhouse, how am I gonna find her?

I don't know if that was a long enough burn. Agent Kane, I need a readout.

I don't know what happened. I mean, I kind of remember being at the wake.

I don't know where we'd get coveralls this time of night, so

I don't know, "sundown" sounds more colloquial than an actual

I don't know, maybe a mutiny of clowns.

I don't know. Just try to only use them for good.

I don't wanna...

I don't, um...

I don't, um...

I don't. I'm not really a planner. My process is a little more organic.

I doubt that's what Malory had in mind when she gave us the card.

I doubt they'd keep it in here. ...in which we're still locked?

I doubt they'd keep it in here. ...in which we're still locked?

I feel love, I laugh, I sometimes cry. Albeit a saline lubricant solution.

I figured that we'd kind of work backwards from the, uh, stealing of the helicopter.

I figured that we'd kind of work backwards from the, uh, stealing of the helicopter.

I find the very suggestion laughable. Heh heh.

I forgot about Hawk!

I forgot about Hawk!

I get it. You gonna take her upstairs and give her The Longest Yard?

I get it. You gonna take her upstairs and give her The Longest Yard?

I get the woman. Called it! Boom!

I got caught on the fence, Mr. Archer tried to get me loose

I got it.

I got it.

I got red hot pokers laying in that fire.

I got some nice hot pie for them.

I gotta go after them, but this conversation is not over.

I gotta go after them, but this conversation is not over.

I guess I brought it back from Jamaica, but

I guess I wanna feel like I matter more.

I had, um, gastric distress, or whatever, so I was just gonna duck off the trail.

I hate to sound Hollywood, but could you put my Pimm's Cup in a ?

I hate to sound Hollywood, but could you put my Pimm's Cup in a...?

I hate you all so much.

I have a few dear friends over for a dinner party.

I have never, in my entire life, been as disgusted as I am at this moment.

I have no response to that. Doesn't merit one.

I hear that. You hear what?

I heard you, Mother. Somehow.

I heard you. And I can also read, so

I hope that's not gonna be a problem.

I hope that's not gonna be a problem.

I hope to God that was alcohol.

I just can't believe the head of the DEA has the balls to say it.

I just traveled 8000 miles and got ambushed by Malaysian pirates...

I just traveled 8000 miles and got ambushed by Malaysian pirates...

I just wanted to read the warning label about "in case of eye contact."

I kill you.

I kind of feel like I'm banging tail lights on a country road.

I kind of have some family problems.

I kind of wish I'd skipped the diarrhea part.

I know it shouldn't be, and it better not be.

I know it shouldn't be, and it better not be.

I know what it stands for. I was there. Please don't say it out loud.

I know you're about to ask me for a favor, and I say, wait for it...

I know you're pretty old Now that I know the go word

I know, but that's just lame. Cyril.

I know, dear. But you have to wait.

I know, look at our defenders.

I know, right? It's like a vagina with a zipper.

I know, there was a lot of confusion.

I know. And then you'll have some garbage to land on.

I know. And then you'll have some garbage to land on.

I know. Why do you think I left ISIS?

I learned I don't like being bait.

I like this idea, but, uh, which ?

I literally Figuratively scoured the globe for these special herbs...

I live in a transitional neighborhood.

I looked away for literally one second.

I love it that I'm the idiot.

I love it that I'm the idiot.

I love you.

I mean hula girls, a replica volcano, some I have something better!

I mean, at our wedding...

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for affirmative action, but

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for affirmative action, but...

I mean, except surprise fellatio.

I mean, he's smart, way smarter than Jakov, but

I mean, I assume.

I mean, I did what I could, but you can only ask so much of a vanilla candle. Dinner ready?

I mean, I really like spaghetti and meatballs.

I mean, if you're having a legitimate problem with your vagina...

I mean, indubitably, lieutenant.

I mean, it was, right?

I mean, it's gotten to where I had to start sleeping with a fan on.

I mean, my God, you can't. That was just

I mean, not necessarily spaghetti and meatballs...

I mean, not that you would, but

I mean, not that you would, but...

I mean, she She can be a steel clad bitch

I mean, that's your original skin, right? Hobo.

I mean, the wine's crap, but Oh, sorry.

I mean, what kind of job is that, where your fiancee gets murdered?

I mean, you know, at least until he's been debriefed.

I mean, you're gonna be like 600 miles from a toilet.

I mean, you're just tiny.

I meant as an agent. Zing.

I meant for dragging me into this.

I need access to a 2 inch drain, hot water, three GFCI outlets...

I need you to move the locking lever from "manual" to "auto."

I needed help disseminating him.

I never remember it taking so long.

I only mention it because I also happen to be single.

I pretty much insist that you shut up.

I promised myself I don't cry.

I put my heart and soul into this...

I remember being really mad and really drunk and deciding to do some online banking.

I remember being really mad and really drunk and deciding to do some online banking.

I remember. I mean, Green Russians, it's fuzzy. I don't remember this.

I said in, not on.

I said that would happen and it did.

I say we go rescue Bur': Reynolds, and as a bonus...

I say we go rescue Burt Reynolds, and as a bonus...

I shall fetch a rug.

I should have been there for you.

I should've never gotten him that car. It's that damn bicycle all over again.

I swear to God, I'll scoop out whatever organs you have left and...

I swear to God, if he put as much effort into his job...

I swear to God, if Krieger was doing more of his

I swear to God, if you people can't keep it down, this is the last bear

I swear to God, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

I swear to God, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

I think Hang on.

I think I got myself a extra pair of Capezios lying around somewheres.

I think I got them. Did I get them?

I think I had one more drink there.

I think I'm gonna be

I think if you're looking for insight into why Archer is Archer...

I think it is.

I think it's great that for once you're getting out of a jam without your mother's help, but

I think it's great that for once you're getting out of a jam without your mother's help, but...

I think maybe it's all these exotic animals.

I think that's a bit premature until we discuss our fee structure.

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

I think we're gonna be okay. Wait, you didn't put the wheels down.

I think what she Bawk, bawk! Therapy cranes!

I think what she's trying to say, is you can either think of this as a crisis

I think you are hunting Romén Calzado in the hopes of a million dollar reward.

I think you are hunting Romén Calzado in the hopes of a million dollar reward.

I think you look beautiful.

I think you look beautiful.

I think you mean "awful."

I think you mean "premature."

I think.

I thought I'd made myself very clear. You did, but

I thought maybe she had some sort of cloaking device.

I thought that was Richard Petty. Which doesn't even merit a response.

I thought that was Richard Petty. Which doesn't even merit a response.

I thought you meant that silly French maid costume.

I thought you put it on autopilot. it just maintains course and altitude

I told him I'd get Pam to fight in his Ultimate Bum Shockfights.

I told you. I'm not going back there. Well, you say that.

I took the liberty of poaching you an egg.

I understand this, how do you say, "grief banging"?

I want to brief you all on what to expect when we dock with Horizon.

I want you rested and strong for tomorrow.

I was a dick in high school.

I was going to say a literal shithole.

I was just gonna say that. Move!

I was referring to this.

I was told I had to undergo a bunch of extremely invasive medical tests.

I was twice the agent you were when your legs worked, so don't hand me that

I was twice the agent you were when your legs worked, so don't hand me that...

I wasn't in it. Maybe not

I wasn't in it. Maybe not...

I wasn't... That is the weirdest rule.

I will fly us home.

I will, Randy, I'm sorry. A good, long talk.

I wish it was, so I could murder you before we ever dated.

I won't forget this!

I wonder what the guys at the office have planned for my birthday.

I would never defect! I love mother Russia!

I wouldn't be surprised if it was our super, Mr. Herlihy. He drinks.

I wouldn't put all my rescue eggs in that basket.

I wouldn't say grossly. CHERYL: I would.

I, uh... I can't get it on.

I, uh... Yeah, exactly. Good question.

I...

I... Is that...? What...? Mother?

I... No. You know what? No. What?

I...do not. No.

I'd be delighted. Whoa, no, wait a second

I'd like to know how this could possibly get any worse.

I'll be right LANA: He can't get in here.

I'll be the judge of A Cuban hit squad is in New York to kill me?

I'll be the judge of... A Cuban hit squad is in New York to kill me?

I'll cook it! If someone shaves it or whatever.

I'll drive if you wanna hop back there and, um, enter her.

I'll get my inner ear right on that.

I'll kill you all right now.

I'll pick him up tonight. Three days back to New York...

I'll tell you why they look guilty.

I'll write another one.

I'll write another one.

I'll, uh, need to run those numbers. Heh.

I'll, uh, need to run those numbers. Heh.

I'm Eventually?

I'm a certified diver.

I'm afraid that's impossible. Or just me.

I'm agitated because you crashed my plane...

I'm almost certainly blind.

I'm asking you for the last time to get on that plane.

I'm assuming it's a sound of some sort. CHERYL: Nuh uh!

I'm bound up tighter than dick's hatband.

I'm confused, what are we ? LANA: Here!

I'm fine. Check on Ray. ARCHER: Yeah, he is not looking good.

I'm going into stasis. Wake me up when we're on the ground.

I'm gonna be a pirate king.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume it had something to do with that.

I'm just saying, if it comes down to that And I hope it doesn't.

I'm kidding, obviously.

I'm kidding. Crab rangoon.

I'm kidding. Crab rangoon.

I'm kidding. There is no Phase Three.

I'm kidding. You couldn't have stopped her. She would've snapped your spine.

I'm listening. He's crazy!

I'm making spaghetti and meatballs.

I'm never gonna let him hurt you again, baby.

I'm not crappy. I just started.

I'm not done. Yes, you are.

I'm not done. Yes, you are.

I'm not the one who was all sweaty.

I'm okay. I may need a doctor.

I'm okay. I may need a doctor.

I'm on my way.

I'm Randy, see? So you can just go back to that other guy's mother...

I'm serious, I will do something drastic.

I'm serious, I will do something drastic.

I'm serious, you are literally draining the life out of me

I'm serious. If you ever go near my mother again...

I'm serious. If you ever go near my mother again...

I'm sitting here with just a mustache and memories of last night.

I'm sorry I hurt you, but I realized that, even though you tried to see past what I am...

I'm sorry to hear that, Agent Kane.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my giant throbbing erection.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my giant throbbing erection.

I'm sorry, I'm a little confused.

I'm sorry, your words made sense, but your sarcastic tone did not.

I'm sorry, your words made sense, but your sarcastic tone did not.

I'm sorry? Unh.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?

I'm your friend, Pam, I'm Pam?

I'm, uh, Sterling Archer. You may remember me from the strip club...

I'm...happy

I've been sitting here for, like, 5 million years and the phone hasn't rung once.

I've been sitting here for, like, 5 million years and the phone hasn't rung once.

I've seen all your other movies like five times.

I've seen all your other movies like five times.

If anybody gets hit, you grab one and slap iron to it.

If Barry gets weak enough, maybe you can overpower him.

If he knew, he would tell us. Read a book.

If I can just get what I got to my distributor, I can retire.

If I don't catch them, I will just ride off into the sunset.

If I don't catch them, I will just ride off into the sunset.

If I don't remember that password, I can't unembezzle that money...

If I don't remember that password, I can't unembezzle that money...

If I ever see that zloi mudak again, I Don't worry, you won't!

If it makes you feel better, I puked most of it up.

If the yakuza finds out you're snooping around about a hot set of wheels...

If there even was one.

If this doesn't work, we just paid a hundred bucks for liquid fart.

If you ever find your way back up in the holler, give me a call.

If you get it stolen, you won't ever get another one.

If you kill the old captain, you become the new captain.

If you need help, I'll DRAKE: No.

If you touch one hair on my son's head, I'll have your guts for garters.

If you touch one hair on my son's head, I'll have your guts for garters.

If you wanna back out on me, now's probably the time to do that.

If you want, I can watch while you masturbate.

If you're coming in hot, I know, it's a win win.

If you're coming in hot, I know, it's a win win.

If you're done being an asshole, help me strip this guy so I can

If you're quite finished... Damn near.

Imports only.

In 200 years, Earth's population will exceed her capacity to produce food.

In a few generations, after the colony is established...

In a potentially hostile environment like this, the key is total situational awareness.

In case I need to sterilize something. DRAKE: Get strapped in.

In my new Dodge Challenger!

In my new Dodge Challenger!

In my work?

In my work?

In the sink, Cyril. In the sink!

In the woods with Ray.

Inappropriate. Alrighty.

Incoming!

Incoming!

Incredibly.

Infiltrate whatever criminal outfit steals the hottest cars in the city.

Insanely. Wanna get out of here?

Inside and out. Yeah, except her insides vibrate.

Interesting, coming from a woman.

Interesting, coming from a woman.

Involuntary labor is just a temporary measure.

Irish. That's right.

Is all right, darling.

Is anybody not in here?

Is bad for morale.

Is it called that because...

Is just, I know he has very good reason to hate...

Is Lana hit? Someone talk to me!

Is long time.

Is mutiny funny to you, Mr. Archer?

Is not much of a liberty, considering that you are going to polish my vagina.

Is not much of a liberty, considering that you are going to polish my vagina.

Is over. So, hey, it's a happy ending.

Is over. So, hey, it's a happy ending.

Is she even here?

Is that ? But how did...'?

Is that a ghost? Nope.

Is that Cyril?

Is that right? Well, listen here.

Is there a naval base there or...? Not exactly. It's more of a, uh

Is win win. Is it?

Is...?

ISIS? That's right.

ISIS? You'll be lucky if I can get us back to land.

Isn't it pronounced "valet"?

Isn't it pronounced "valet"?

Isn't it?!

Isn't it?!

It can only melt. And when it does

It can't hurt to level the playing field, now that

It did not.

It did sound too cool for the Bible.

It didn't say nothing about a rubber, did it?

It does know my name.

It doesn't have a lock.

It doesn't know how to find the only airstrip within a thousand miles...

It doesn't. Raft's pretty bobby.

It feels like What is giant, unstoppable wave?

It figuratively kills me to say this, Cyril, but yeah, you did.

It is true, that's why I married him.

It kills me to say it, but maybe Lana.

It makes me sleepy. I think we're okay, sir.

It makes the Mach 5 look like a vagina.

It means "white pumpkin."

It sounds great, kid, but like I said, I kind of have a date

It sounds great, kid, but like I said, I kind of have a date...

It takes some time getting used to, but Ow.

It was an involuntary reaction, Mother...

It was an involuntary reaction, Mother...

It was gonna be an old fashioned but I couldn't find bitters.

It was least I could do.

It was the Olympics!

It would be an honor, Mr. Gable.

It would be an honor, Mr. Gable.

It would be rude not to eat her pie.

It'll be with that tiger's family.

It's a safe house. Nobody knows where it is.

It's a spy car? Lana?

It's a tiny little rock called Pangu.

It's all this handicapped shit!

It's all this handicapped shit!

It's almost empty!

It's an allegorical novella about Stalinism by George Orwell!

It's bear claw Monday!

It's caca.

It's going to push the Horizon into orbit above Mars...

It's just a temporary measure. I didn't say anything.

It's just, who would call in with a fake tip like that though?

It's kind of a different story when we're dropping like a ton of bricks.

It's kind of with your mom. Oh, Burt Reynolds.

It's kind of with your mom. Oh, Burt Reynolds.

It's like a transistor radio and a veal cutlet had a baby.

It's like seeing the face of God.

It's like the world's slowest elevator.

It's like the world's slowest elevator.

It's my birthday. Well, happy fricking birthday.

It's my own fault. I should've known.

It's no use. The trapdoor goes up a vertical shaft to the radio room.

It's no use. The trapdoor goes up a vertical shaft to the radio room.

It's not Algonquin for anything. Noah...

It's not Algonquin for anything. Noah...

It's not garbage, sir, it's...

It's not what it looks like. ARCHER: Well, that's a relief.

It's not what it looks like. CYRIL: Then what is it, exactly?

It's okay. I'll wait while you make me a new birthday breakfast not covered in garbage.

It's pound! That is pound!

It's somewhat coming back to me.

It's sort of a I guess the nearest translation is "slave pirate"?

It's the artificial gravity. You have to readjust to it.

It's the Omicron Spymaster.

It's tonight. And I don't know.

It's zed! And no, Neil Peart stands alone.

Jai alai? Us!

JAKOV: And so, Sterling...

JAKOV: ls I who am sorry.

JAKOV: Wow, ha, ha, that is big dog!

Jakov's intel is bad and Barry's got some sort of master plan that we're clueless about...

Janelle, cover that window yonder. Archer, got a little fight in you?

Janelle, why don't you take Mr. Archer and show him the defensive perimeter?

JANELLE: Ow! Janelle! Are you hit?

Jeez, how about a little warning? I said, down, herd

Jeez, how about a little warning? I said, down, herd.

Jeez. Even in zero gravity, you're an asshole.

Jeez. Ow!

Jeez. Ow. Talk about "duh." I bet he already totally killed himself.

Jeezow, Lana, answer your stupid phone.

Jeezow, Lana, answer your stupid phone.

Jesus Christ! But you were gonna flay me like a perch?

Jesus Christ.

Jesus God, are you that insecure?

Jesus, God, I get your point!

Jesus, God, I get your point!

Jesus, it's a Shared bath.

Jesus, read a book once in your life.

Jesus, think about someone else for once in your life!

Jesus, what's my dowry? Tetanus? Hey, you know what?

Jesus, you're like a dog in a station wagon

Join that club. Then shut up and act like you know what you're doing.

Join the club. I don't even know why I'm here.

Just a little space humor.

Just adjusting the climate control.

Just because it was my idea, you Guys.

Just because she's a cyborg, doesn't mean you can feel her up.

Just because.

Just keep squeezing that gag ball that I don't wanna know why you have.

Just keep squeezing that gag ball that I don't wanna know why you have.

Just like my heart, Cyril. Well, not your liver.

Just like that Electrolux all over again.

Just like the gypsy woman said. You need to quit going to her.

Just like you promised Mama and Daddy you'd always take care of me.

Just pretend he's like a rabid dog.

Just relax and rely on your training.

Just screw already. Seriously.

Just screw already. Seriously.

Just tape them up.

Just tape them up.

Just that last part, where she slapped you.

Just that last part, where she slapped you.

Just the crime of murder, not the crime of sodomy by rubber eggplant. Oh!

Just trying all my usual passwords.

Just trying all my usual passwords.

Just uncertainty and doubt.

Just waiting to

Katya can be an ISIS agent? Probationary.

Katya can be an ISIS agent? Probationary.

Katya, how could you do this?

KATYA: And when he woke up from faint, boom!

KATYA: To what? Nothing.

KATYA: You mudak!

Katya!

Katya! Jesus, somebody, a little help!

Katya? Baby?

Katya? On the flourish is when... Oh, sorry, doctor.

Keep looking, maybe I wrote it down. Um...

Keep looking, maybe I wrote it down. Um...

KELLOGG : Uh, Tony, we've got a problem.

KELLOGG: Did you move the ?

KELLOGG: Keep moving. Make me Ow!

KELLOGG: Oh, dear, are you wounded too?

KELLOGG: What's taking so long?

Kick ass! Stupid villains!

Kick ass! Stupid villains!

Kick some space pirate ass! Whoo!

Kind of confused. What are they doing?

Knowing they'd never come back after they searched her apartment.

Krieger, brakes! KRIEGER: I am!

Krieger, equal parts soju sangria and fear induced adrenaline means I have to pee.

Krieger, go!

Krieger, how and why do you live here? Yeah, I use my salary for pet projects.

Krieger, thank you, this is the

KRIEGER: Can I keep it? Keep what?

KRIEGER: Clinical trial 13, update.

KRIEGER: How dare you! I'm sorry?

KRIEGER: Oh, probably the bathroom

KRIEGER: Pam!

KRIEGER: Yeah, take that tone.

Krieger? What about the rest of us?

Krieger's running the logs to see if any files were accessed last night.

L Because that's what Randy said! Randy's a drug dealer.

L I love you.

L No, of course not. Be my guest.

L No, you know what? Yes, shut up.

L Oh, my God, totally, yes!

L Okay, first of all, Mrs. Coach Mumford came on to me.

L That's What? PAM: Oh, please.

L The zone will be one of danger?

L... Ew. Burt made sure I erased the security tape.

La Sombra did not say you were coming.

LANA : Wait, here's an idea:

LANA : You are such an asshole!

Lana and Cyril bailed.

Lana, come on, I was just kidding. I had to make it look good

Lana, come on. You're gigantic.

Lana, get some vines and tie him up, chop chop.

Lana, I only have two hands.

Lana, I only have two hands.

Lana, I, uh I don't think I'm cut out for this.

Lana, I'm team captain. I built that team from nothing, and

Lana, I'm team captain. I built that team from nothing, and...

Lana, it's not a strip mall.

Lana, it's not a strip mall.

Lana, it's the only way. What is?

Lana, let's go!

Lana, listen, if this is a booty call, I'm flattered, but

Lana, look at it spin.

Lana, no. ARCHER: Oh...

Lana, Ray, get there this instant. Uh

Lana, shut up. That's today? Yeah, it's right now. Well, in 10 minutes.

Lana, shut up. That's today? Yeah, it's right now. Well, in 10 minutes.

Lana, the penis to your vagina ratio around here is creepy enough already...

Lana, uh, pretend it's five years ago.

LANA: Ahem, Cyril? I'm sorry.

LANA: Any time now.

LANA: Archer, do something. ARCHER: Sure thing, Lana.

LANA: Archer, I swear to God, if you don't shut up

LANA: Archer! What...

LANA: Aw. Come on, really? MALORY: Don't blame me.

LANA: Eight rounds, plus one in the chamber, for a total of nine.

LANA: Good question.

LANA: He's not talking about the defenders.

LANA: Hello? Malory? Why did you call us?

LANA: I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me.

LANA: Jesus! GILLETTE: Jesus!

LANA: Knocks him out CHERYL: Archer knocks out Burt Reynolds?

LANA: Never again. Thanks for dead guy in a box.

LANA: Nineteen more times...

LANA: No. Yes.

LANA: Noah? Yes

LANA: Oh, and thanks so much. ARCHER: You're welcome.

LANA: Oh, for the love of ! ARCHER: Ow! You dick!

LANA: Oh, my God.

LANA: Oh, shit!

LANA: Ray? Ray, come on honey, stay with me.

LANA: Right before Cyril blew his head off. What?

LANA: Thanks, Bud! Anytime, darling.

LANA: That's gross. GILLETTE: You're just a mess.

LANA: What? Pam? CYRIL: I wish I was still blind.

LANA: With gas. Oh, shit.

LANA: Yeah, right?

LANA: Yeah. So, Trish? What?

LANA: Yeah. So, Trish? What?

LANA: You lying, pathetic, little piece of Ooh.

LANA: You're kidding.

Lana!

Lana! Lana, we're coming to help. Where are you?

Lana! Lana, we're coming to help. Where are you?

Lana! What?

Lana? I'm sorry?

Lana? Lana?

Lana.

Lana.

Lana. Guess not.

Lana. Lana, we got the face off. Hooray

Lana. Lana, we got the face off. Hooray.

Lana. What do you know, what do you say?

Lana's doing it too. No, she's...

Last week it was freestyling.

Lawyer up, call the cops. What?

Leave it.

Leave it.

Leave it. Just kidding.

Leave me for some hot little 20 year old?

Leave me for some hot little 20 year old?

Left!

Let me see. Take off your coat. No. I'm fine, it's just a through and through.

Let's get shanghaied to go live on fricking Mars!"

Let's go, kid. Call you back, 1930s.

Let's go, people. Get the lead out.

Let's see, after I pulled you out of that shit heap of a plane...

Let's see, flare gun and some flares, fishing gear. Oh!

License to kill.

Life. Just like with that damn bicycle when you were 8 years old.

Like a big, beautiful, no limit unicorn.

Like a different, better dog.

Like if Ron O'Neal was a car.

Like, 80 bucks you saved.

Like, talk for about 40, 45 minutes.

Listen, I kind of have a date.

Listen, I kind of have a date.

Little Miss, uh...

Lnvol Wait, you mean slaves?

Lock that man in the cargo hold.

Look at Vanispheres!

Look at Vanispheres!

Look, Lana, don't get me wrong, I like your spunk.

Look, Lana, don't get me wrong, I like your spunk.

Look, look, look. Hang on, hang on.

Look. See how it spins on its longitudinal axis?

Look. Yeah.

Look. You look.

Looking good, girl.

Looking good! Only 19 more to go!

Looks like an airplane had a baby with a boat. Yeah, I know what a seaplane is.

Looks like it's just you and me, brother.

Lot of feelings coming together, just trying to process.

Lowest quote I got. That's ridiculous.

Lowest quote I got. That's ridiculous.

Ls unrelated to the dead guy over there who's chock full of bullets.

Ls you hired ISIS just so Lana could pump out a bunch of Martian babies?

Lurch, what are you doing?

Lurch, what are you doing?

Majestic. Right.

Make me, cabrén. I Look, she will shoot you.

Make me. And just so you know.

MALORY : Sterling, are you all right?

Malory will call, she'll haggle over the ransom for you, me and Riley.

Malory will call, she'll haggle over the ransom for you, me and Riley.

Malory, he can't be found. I mean, if he's even still, um...

Malory, I am not killing a

Malory, I just can't. Me neither.

Malory, we've checked every safe house, run down every lead.

Malory, you can't just

Malory, you got shot.

MALORY: "Regards"? They weren't even warmest!

MALORY: And knock off that damn beatboxing!

MALORY: And missed.

MALORY: And then, bang, in burst three men.

MALORY: Because he's Savio Mascalzone.

MALORY: Because Tony invited me. ARCHER: Tony?

MALORY: But if the emergency beacon is going off

MALORY: Carol! Oh, right.

MALORY: Cyril! Wha ?

MALORY: Disgusting!

MALORY: For three months.

MALORY: Ha ha ha! Why that is funny?

MALORY: He what? What? You little

MALORY: Hold the door! Hold the door!

MALORY: I crossed over to the chair and tightened his last restraint.

MALORY: It's my own fault. I should've known.

MALORY: Item four:

MALORY: Just try not to kill us all, Cyril. Mother, please!

MALORY: ls Lana hit? Someone talk to me!

MALORY: More like "Ms."

MALORY: Now, what's all this nonsense about a break in last night?

MALORY: Oh, for Sterling, get your things.

MALORY: Oh, please!

MALORY: Oh. Hello?

MALORY: Rip? Rip, I take it all back. You're as strong and sexy as the night we

MALORY: Savio loved to be kept waiting. Mm. Ah.

MALORY: So unless the building is literally on fire, none of you are to call me.

MALORY: Sterling, be careful! ARCHER: Shut up.

MALORY: Sterling, get your things.

MALORY: Sterling, get your things.

MALORY: Sterling, I don't know how you did it, but

MALORY: Ten million dollars?

MALORY: Then I went to refill my champagne. Ah.

MALORY: Three million, and not a penny more.

MALORY: Tony, please. He'll behave.

MALORY: Was that a gunshot?

MALORY: What do you mean, Lana hasn't called?

MALORY: You better not be bleeding on my carpet!

MALORY: You're no spring chicken yourself.

MALORY: You're supposed to be guarding Nikolai!

Malory's clip was empty. But she said she only fired three shots.

MAN : Flight, we're showing suit number two with an O2 malfunction.

MAN : Gone to outer space

MAN : Hello? Give me Sterling Archer mother.

MAN : Uh, flight, we have a problem.

Man, if I don't get some spaghetti and meatballs, I may literally die.

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that...

MAN: Burn rates were good. Flight, uh, stand by.

MAN: Don't you see?

MAN: Eh?

MAN: Flight, O2 on suit two is showing normal. But keep an eye on it.

MAN: Liftoff.

MAN: Roger, Flight.

MAN: Stand by. DRAKE: That's a roger, standing by.

MAN: That's far enough, you sons of bitches!

MAN: There they are!

Man. Is it me or is he super menacing?

Manhunter? Now, if that's not the pot calling the kettle black.

Mankind's only hope for survival is to find a new home on Mars...

Marmaduke. And regardless of any personal ties...

Mars forever!

Mars!

Mascalzone was shot five times.

May have been? You don't know?

May I call you Lana?

Maybe even what? Executive producer.

Maybe ever again. Some dry toast?

Maybe move up to New York City with you. I What, where, do what?

Maybe some mild post traumatic stress disorder, but...

Maybe some psychic scarring, yes, but physically I'm

Maybe some psychic scarring, yes, but physically I'm...

Maybe some shots? Yeah, let's try that.

Maybe that's because you never remember anything. So...

Maybe the tracksuit?

Maybe they did and just didn't call. No, I gave them explicit orders to

Maybe they did and just didn't call. No, I gave them explicit orders to...

Maybe we can, I don't know, stampede a flock of goats down the hall.

Maybe. But But, so, where is he?

Mayday. Mayday. Mayday.

Me neither. Plus ISIS actually turned a profit this quarter.

Me, who happens to be in a relationship with Burt Reynolds, in case you've forgotten?

Me? No, I'm Rich man.

Meaning?

Meh.

Men's pajamas? For God's sake, woman, where is your pride?

Men's pajamas? For God's sake, woman, where is your pride?

Middies, come on, get in position!

Middies, come on, get in position!

Missed it by that much. Shut up.

Missed it by that much. Shut up.

Mm hm.

Mm, also mostly.

Mm, getting hammered on moonshine and trying to bang skanky trailer chicks?

Mm, I'm afraid it already has a new owner.

Mm, no, it's not whimpery enough.

Mm, please skip ahead.

Mm, she is that.

Mm. Honey, you still got it

Mm. I bet they were perky and big. Jeez ! Ow!

Mm. I bet they were perky and big. Jeez...! Ow!

Mm. So well done.

Mm...

Mm...

Modified limited rampage? Archer.

More like what got out of her.

More of a mistake. By a beautiful, idealistic young man.

Most of my job is dealing with sexual harassment complaints against Mr. Archer.

Mostly those insane boobs. Check!

Mostly. Randy!

Mostly. So because you're a spy...

Mother is ruining what remains of my life before a Cuban hit squad assassinates me, so

Mother is ruining what remains of my life before a Cuban hit squad assassinates me, so...

Mother just wants me out of the way.. ...

Mother just wants me out of the way...

Mother, come on.

Mother, come on. I mean, I want to believe you, but

Mother, I promise, I'll take the best care of it of anything ever.

Mother, I'm a little busy right now.

Mother, I'm a little busy right now.

Mother, oh, my God. Yes, thank you.

Mother, the chevrons are locking.

Mother, your maid is

Mother! Malory!

Mother! Sterling?

Mother? Hi, listen, I can't really talk right now, can I call you back?

Mother? What are you doing here?

Mother? What are you doing here?

Mother.

Mother. Sterling

Mother. Sterling Malory Archer.

Mother. What? I put Bactine on it.

Move the damn hood.

Moving. Yes, and how can I help you not ever do that again, please?

Mr. Archer, do I have to sedate you? Well, I wouldn't say no to a drink.

Mr. Archer, that's twice you've jeopardized the success of this mission.

Mr. Figgis.

Ms. Archer said dress for the tropics.

Ms. Archer.

Ms. Kane and your mother. Hooray.

Murdering people.

Must kill Decepticon!

My balls are like cran baisins. What?

My darling Sterling, you awake me like the prince of Snow White.

My eyes! Ow!

My God, you're wounded. Put him here.

My God. I know. Right?

My God. Ugh! Yeah. Whoa

My guests are in here, detective, but

My heart! And threw it in the sink!

My men take this off you.

My mistake, ma'am.

My pants are now literally wet.

My pants are now literally wet.

My point is this whole thing is Lana's fault... What?

My point is, if you're confident in yourself as a woman...

My problem is I don't want a thousand steel balls to shred my genitals.

My problem, besides your snide remarks, is Nikolai Jakov, head of the KGB.

My problem, Lana, is you just Bonnie and Clyded my starting middies.

My problem, Lana, is you just Bonnie and Clyded my starting middies.

My question is this:

My sat phone. The pirates took it.

My sat phone. The pirates took it.

My sat phone. Yeah. See, Noah? Her Wait, your what?

My sat phone. Yeah. See, Noah? Her... Wait, your what?

My six what? Is that my gun? The old six shooter?

My sweet, beautiful Katya, it's you!

My tongue says sangrita, but my heart says...

Name a noun.

Name a place. Lidsville.

Name's Rip Riley. Your mother hired me to bring you back, Sterling.

Neither! I don't want her to be an ISIS agent...

Neutralizing a KGB sleeper in Brooklyn, thanks to this intel from the major.

Never gets old. But good idea back there, getting everybody to split up.

New hot tub! Fifty jets, hand hewn California redwood, no big deal.

New hot tub! Fifty jets, hand hewn California redwood, no big deal.

Next stop, Horizon.

Next stop, Mars.

Next time, Barry.

Nice plan. Once they're good and drunk, we'll turn this tub around and head home.

Nice. So we just kick back, catch a few rays, catch some sushi.

Nikolai has been murdered?

Nikolai, it's not that I don't

Nine thousand bucks

Nine thousand bucks. What?

No answer? Okay, let's ask him.

No idea why I said that.

No idea, but then he strangled me, which at first was hot.

No idea, thankfully, about any of that, but if you really did love Katya...

No kidding.

No man can judge me.

No mood?

No mood?

No offense, but I'm not really in the mood.

No offense, captain. No, I am who is sorry.

No one cares, Figgis.

No shit I'm agitated, look at my car.

No shit! Ray Gillet! ARCHER: Gillet?

No shit? Yeah.

No shit? Yeah.

No such thing. Yes, such thing. Slow down.

No such thing. Yes, such thing. Slow down.

No thanks to this one. Mm

No thanks to you.

No time to talk, Popeye. It's my birthday.

No way, really? Because so was that, just now.

No woman has ever made me Oh, shit!

No wonder it was running rough. Archer, don't...

No, "dickhead" was the go word. How was I supposed to know?

No, Agent Kane, I'm afraid your particular skill set outweighs your

No, and it's detective. Murphy.

No, and to where? Six Flags Over The Shittier Parts of Chernobyl?

No, Animal Farm.

No, because, look, if this whole thing is anybody's fault, it's...

No, Daddy said he burned that one.

No, don't make her. Come on, Pam.

No, forget that, you did great! Really?

No, forget the glass, Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher.

No, he it's the silent killer, Noah.

No, he didn't. What's wrong with you?

No, he doesn't.

No, he said, uh, "cereal."

No, he... It's the silent killer, Noah.

No, heh heh, I think not.

No, hey, Mother, come on. Stop that. Stop it.

No, I don't, because I didn't bet.

No, I mean Not If you'd say the thing

No, I mean how would you phrase that?

No, I swear, this was just an extremely unlikely mishap with the barbed wire.

No, I thought I'd just take all my things for a ride on the elevator.

No, I was Not important.

No, I won't. No, no, she won't.

No, I wore it to Fetish Night at The Snug, and it's covered in

No, I'm a bajak budak. ARCHER: Okay.

No, I'm A negative too. Eh? Blow it up.

No, I'm A negative too. Eh? Blow it up.

No, I'm good. Yeah, uh, me too.

No, I'm sorry, I can't...

No, I'm too busy looking at that.

No, I'm... Well, not with the car.

No, idiot, it changes every time

No, it Ew!

No, it didn't. it easily could have.

No, it doesn't.

No, it isn't, Lana.

No, it isn't!

No, it was Oh, shut up. Do you wanna learn something?

No, it's not that, it's Plus I'd rather kill myself.

No, just DRAKE: Just a little space sickness.

No, just hurt really, really badly.

No, Mother, I don't. Jesus, what else was on tonight's menu?

No, Mother, I'm a captive of pirates. Unh!

No, Mother, I'm a captive of pirates. Unh!

No, never mind.

No, no, Archer, I've finally cracked it

No, no, darling. I'm meaning a cyborg.

No, no, I am thinking about your mother. God, don't waste the ROM, or RAM, whatever.

No, no, I'm not.

No, no, I'm not.

No, no, no, don't. Don't go back there, Sterling.

No, no, no, Mr. Reynolds, wait.

No, no, no, Mr. Reynolds, wait.

No, no, no, not Wait, were you...?

No, no, no, we take you back to my island.

No, no, no, we wouldn't do that.

No, no, no! My brand new van!

No, no, no! My brand new van!

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no! I had Korean barbecue for lunch, I cannot look at a Dr. Moreau pig baby.

No, no! No, even if they kill me, they can never kill our dream.

No, not Well, okay, yes, technically.

No, not a ship. That was an idiom.

No, not a ship. That was an idiom.

No, not yet, but this is damn good. I

No, not yet, but this is damn good. I...

No, one pedal fills it with water...

No, Pam, I didn't, because I'm not an id

No, Pam, I didn't, because I'm not an id...

No, pretty sure I'm all out of blood.

No, serpentine, serpentine!

No, serpentine, serpentine!

No, she straight up said it.

No, she's really here. Ow. Aah.

No, shut up. We gotta get that phone, or something. I don't know.

No, shut up. We gotta get that phone, or something. I don't know.

No, stupid. All drugs.

No, that side's too low.

No, that's a snake.

No, that's my name, Calzado. Cyril Figgis, ISIS agent.

No, then I'd be standing in it.

No, they

No, we got a loan modification.

No, we okay.

No, we okay.

No, yeah, I just wanted to make sure you said the phrase "pirate fortress."

No, you cannot borrow Oh, my God!

No, you jerk. You shoot me in the heart with a space blaster?

No, you just killed, like, 10 pirates.

No, you just listen to me, buster. Bucky.

No, you just listen to me, buster. Bucky.

No, you look.

No, you're not. So drink your stupid Pimm's Cup

No, you're not. So drink your stupid Pimm's Cup...

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! A piece of glas

No! BARRY: Whoo!

No! Because if we don't die, for all I care, you can rot in there.

No! I'm not! Because I am Ready!

No! Katya!

No! Ray, that was sarcasm.

No! Well, it's not a box of wine.

No! Yes, you can.

No! Yes!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Although she does feel a bit clammy.

No. Archer, no!

No. I've got the signal beacon. So?

No. Lana, seriously, she She would literally kill you.

No. Lana, seriously, she... She would literally kill you.

No. Malory, I've done some messed up shit working for you...

No. MALORY: Well?

No. No eggs, Woodhouse.

No. No matter how distraught Sterling is over Katya, he won't kill himself.

No. No, I'm in, uh, London for wor

No. No, it isn't.

No. No, no, no. Whatever this is, I am not getting mixed up in it.

No. No, we're totally feasting. Say that.

No. Nor can you burn down my apartment, so think of something else.

No. The Okefenokee Swamp.

No. The Okefenokee Swamp.

No. The way I see it, we're the bad guys here.

No. We'd have to go past the super's apartment, and his door is always open.

No. We're losing the beachhead.

No. We're scientists. We never even trained on the simulator.

No. We're scientists. We never even trained on the simulator.

No. Yes. But what about the gunshot?

No. You shouldn't even keep animals in these conditions. Look at them.

Noah, seriously, I swear to God, stop.

Noah, still got four bullets. Oh, God, do you know what "extant" means?

Noah, still got four bullets. Oh, God, do you know what "extant" means?

NOAH: Oh, my God.

NOAH: Oh, the women always throw a huge feast when we return to port.

NOAH: Oh...

Noah! What?

Noah! What?

Noah! Wounded! No, no, I'm

Noah! Wounded! No, no, I'm..

Noah? Yes.

Noah.

Noah.

Nobody's gonna touch that?

Non sequential bills, please.

None of you were qualified when you first started.

Nope

Nope.

Nope. Archer. Yep. Lana.

Nor was I told there would be a party. Lana, what are you wearing?

Not an animal farm.

Not as much as you'd think.

Not every time. Like a third of the time.

Not for long, you're not.

Not for once, Lana. Hello? Columbia House.

Not for once, Lana. Hello? Columbia House.

Not going on another stupid rampage.

Not gonna be a picnic Can I check that out?

Not gonna lie, having some déjé vu here.

Not him. Shut up, get him a drink.

Not him. Shut up, get him a drink.

Not if shiro kabocha can help it.

Not in a dead prime minister's ass.

Not just my ego, Lana, Spacebofs ego.

Not like you to get a hangover, sir.

Not literally. Yes, literally.

Not nearly as dangerous as Mother finding out I lost my birthday present.

Not ours, Krieger, yours.

Not sexual needs Well, maybe those too.

Not sexual needs... Well, maybe those too.

Not sure that's helping

Not that?

Not to mention drop dead sexy. Oh, dear God, yes.

Not to mention drop dead sexy. Oh, dear God, yes.

Not to mention whatever idiot reason you had for smuggling Pam on board.

Not to, whatever, but that can't bode well for your marriage.

Not totally. He has a telltale shimmer.

Not unlike a metal spoon sharpened to a razor's edge...

Not unlike a metal spoon sharpened to a razor's edge...

Not until it's consummated.

Not very elegant. No, thanks for having us. Amazing.

Not what it means. Still pretty gross, though.

Not with drinking! BOTH: Uh...

Not you, the car, obviously...

Not yours. Well, maybe not, but...

Nothing else within a thousand miles, and the beacon has been heading straight for it...

Nothing up there but a bunch of you know whats.

Nothing, just bet you're glad we're in reduced gravity.

Nothing, just didn't know they sold those to men.

Nothing, just didn't know they sold those to men.

Nothing, Woodhouse. What do you want?

Nothing. Because my skeevy Russian fiancée...

Nothing. I got you.

Nothing. I got you.

Nothing. Well, you know, besides a lot of, um, pretty horrific torture...

Nothing. Well, you know, besides a lot of, um, pretty horrific torture...

Now follow me. We got a big list of must haves for the royal palace.

Now I don't feel bad for killing them.

Now I'm setting the timer for five Oh, heck, let's call it 10 minutes.

Now Jakov's got a 12 hour head start...

Now that sounds like something from the Bible.

Now that's an idea for a movie. Yeah, I think it already was.

Now that's an idea for a movie. Yeah, I think it already was.

Now uncuff me! Okay. God.

Now watch what I do right here. Yeah, duh, I only invented it

Now watch what I do right here. Yeah, duh, I only invented it.

Now what do you say we have some fun?

Now what do you say we have some fun?

Now which one of you pussies has it?

Now you've wasted half a day, so the other trainees are way ahead of you.

Now, can we please get out of here?

Now, can we please get out of here?

Now, I know that ain't who I think it is.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think we can still make that movie premiere.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think we can still make that movie premiere.

Now, look, that's in the Bible. Really?

Now, really?

Now, since I don't wanna be an accessory after the fact...

Now, Sterling, listen to me.

Now, we heard some mention of babies?

Now, where was I? Oh, yes, and all because you're irresponsible.

Now, why do you think that might be? Um...

Now, you listen. Sterling is coming home safe and sound...

Now? Really?

Obviously not the one with Miss Piggy on it.

Obviously not.

Obviously we're gonna wait for her. She's the hot one.

Obviously we're gonna wait for her. She's the hot one.

Obviously. Malory told you not to let that stupid car get stolen.

Obviously. Why else would I do it?

Of course he is, he'd be, like, a hundred.

Of course I am still into that.

Of course I'm not gonna be a pirate.

Of course. I mean, I know we fight a lot, but...

Of course. I mean, I know we fight a lot, but...

Of course. No one is going to **** you. What is wrong with you?

Of human flesh? Neoprene.

Of what, possible outcomes with a 20 sided die?

Of white slavery. Don't qualify it.

OFFICER: N.Y.P.D. Come on, lady, open the door.

OFFICER: N.Y.P.D. Open up, please.

Oh

Oh, all right, I'll be your beard.

Oh, all right! ARCHER: Really?

Oh, all right.

Oh, and don't be here on Sunday, Pam.

Oh, and don't be here on Sunday, Pam.

Oh, and I assume that's our patient?

Oh, and Riley said he no longer finds you attractive because you're too old.

Oh, and Riley said he no longer finds you attractive because you're too old.

Oh, and to me, for ruining my Friday night, which is now being spent here.

Oh, and you can bet Jakov's intel is bad.

Oh, and you married an idiot.

Oh, and your sauce needs less salt. How can you ?

Oh, and, Trish? Uh, with your looks, maybe bitchy is not the way to go.

Oh, are you Italian, officer?

Oh, blow it out your ass

Oh, blow it out your ass.

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you guys.

Oh, boy. Darling? Are you all right?

Oh, Burt

Oh, Burt Reynolds is so freaking awesome.

Oh, Burt Reynolds is so freaking awesome.

Oh, Burt!

Oh, Burt!

Oh, Burt. Ugh!

Oh, come on, it's full?

Oh, come on, Ray. What's the big deal?

Oh, come on, why would you think that? Well, I found a bunch of your old diaries.

Oh, come on! That's more than the drugs!

Oh, come on. These crabs, this time, were not my fault

Oh, come on. These crabs, this time, were not my fault.

Oh, dear.

Oh, did you decide to start talking to me?

Oh, don't give me that. You're all secretly delighted that he's gone.

Oh, don't mind me, ma'ams.

Oh, eat a dick.

Oh, eat a dick.

Oh, fine. He was just explaining to me...

Oh, for

Oh, for

Oh, for And just how the hell are we supposed to lure him down here?

Oh, for Mother, this isn't voice mail.

Oh, for Name one, name one friend of yours.

Oh, for We were meeting for drinks. I mean, obviously sex was implied, but

Oh, for God's sake. Archer! Muzzle!

Oh, for... And just how the hell are we supposed to lure him down here?

Oh, for... Sterling, get your things.

Oh, for... We were meeting for drinks. I mean, obviously sex was implied, but...

Oh, God, it tastes worse than it smells.

Oh, God, just like Old Yeller.

Oh, God, no, I just said that.

Oh, God, that reminds me. Krieger? KRIEGER: Yeah, I found it.

Oh, God! Come at me, bro!

Oh, God! KRIEGER: Hopefully, my greatest work yet.

Oh, God. BOTH: What?

Oh, great, that's probably them now...

Oh, ha, ha.

Oh, hello. Evening. Sorry to disturb your, uh

Oh, hello. Hello.

Oh, hello. Hello.

Oh, hey, do I do the face?

Oh, hey, hon, you're breaking up.

Oh, hey, I never checked this bathroom

Oh, hey, speaking of excellent, did you hear we met a tiger?

Oh, hooray.

Oh, I I swear I don't do that.

Oh, I can feel it.

Oh, I even saw At Long Last Love.

Oh, I even saw At Long Last Love.

Oh, I gotta go make sure she's okay!

Oh, I guess they're red now, huh? Anyway, your eyes.

Oh, I guess when I was in the dreaded Lubyanka...

Oh, I will.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Oh, I, uh...

Oh, I'm not, I'm a mess. I'm worried half to death about Sterling, and

Oh, is special occasion?

Oh, is that a fact?

Oh, it is.

Oh, it's actually the Spy Spacemaster, yeah.

Oh, killing you. Oh.

Oh, Krieger san! I never judge you!

Oh, looks like we're in danger of a frown turning upside down.

Oh, looks like we're in danger of a frown turning upside down.

Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

Oh, man. Uh, thoughts?

Oh, my bird. Little Tweetsie.

Oh, my God Yeah, otherwise it's like:

Oh, my God, am I glad to see you. We couldn't have held out much longer.

Oh, my God, be more "I hate you."

Oh, my God, be more "I hate you."

Oh, my God, be more Chinese y.

Oh, my God, be more Chinese y.

Oh, my God, do the math, Rain Man. The wall was shot three times.

Oh, my God, for the last time

Oh, my God, I can't believe I just did that.

Oh, my God, I must have embezz arrassed myself last night, huh?

Oh, my God, I must have embezz... arrassed myself last night, huh?

Oh, my God, not the van.

Oh, my God, not the van.

Oh, my God, oh, my God! We're not actually

Oh, my God, speaking of

Oh, my God, that totally reminds me. This came for you. From him

Oh, my God, that totally reminds me. This came for you. From him.

Oh, my God, their plane crashed. CHERYL: Ah!

Oh, my God, totally, but it has to be your place because mine reeks of ocelot piss.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, my God, you

Oh, my God, you...

Oh, my God! I'm gonna die in a toilet stall, just like the gypsy said.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Come on.

Oh, my God. Krieger.

Oh, my God. No, they won't...

Oh, my God. O'clock, Cyril. it means behind you.

Oh, my God. Okay, first of all

Oh, my God. Okay, first of all

Oh, my God. Okay, first of all...

Oh, my God. Okay, first of all...

Oh, my God. Okay, I gotta think.

Oh, my God. So you're saying Mother lured Mascalzone up there..

Oh, my God. What if I have psychokinetic powers?

Oh, no, don't thank me, thank, uh...

Oh, no, don't thank me, thank, uh...

Oh, no, I don't think that's really...

Oh, no, no. No, this is a whole other awesome thing.

Oh, no! I'm not getting mixed up in this, and if Ms. Archer asks me

Oh, now he's indignant.

Oh, now they've got Enough.

Oh, now your ears

Oh, okay. So I guess he walks in here already shot, obviously panicking...

Oh, okay. Then I guess just pout.

Oh, okay. Then I guess just pout.

Oh, please, I bet the gene pool of Polynesia is irreparably altered.

Oh, please, we all

Oh, please, you'd do...

Oh, please, you're not fit to be queen of...

Oh, please!

Oh, please! You're gonna murder him so you can take over his dope farm!

Oh, really?

Oh, really? Then I get to watch her rub it in your face.

Oh, really? Then I get to watch her rub it in your face.

Oh, right, right. Right, of course, of course. Not him. Start with Lana.

Oh, right, right. Right, of course, of course. Not him. Start with Lana.

Oh, right, so, uh, I know, uh, we had an implied oral agreement about heroin, but

Oh, Rip, you old so and so. How are you, Mal? Besides gorgeous?

Oh, shit, they are. No, look, they're all bunched Oh. Oh!

Oh, shit, they are. No, look, they're all bunched... Oh. Oh!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Busted.

Oh, sorry, was that rhetorical?

Oh, Sterling, you've just had your heart broken.

Oh, thank God, I thought you were crocodiles.

Oh, thank God. I thought those were yeti hands.

Oh, that's just my huge muscles.

Oh, the mean doctor takes the widdle baby's blood, and widdle baby goes Ow!

Oh, uh... By "a lot of her," I mean I get it

Oh, uh... By "a lot of her," I mean... I get it

Oh, wait, I can't, because I left my lightsaber in my other space pants!

Oh, wait, wait. You're gonna wanna see this

Oh, wait, wait. You're gonna wanna see this.

Oh, well, nice to meet you, Hal Needham. Whatever.

Oh, well, nice to meet you, Hal Needham. Whatever.

Oh, well, that's just great. Now I get to deal with this...

Oh, whatever. Come on, we gotta figure a way out of this.

Oh, which reminds me: Call Terry.

Oh, yeah, just so many...

Oh, yeah? Well, I got your pumpkin hanging. Ew.

Oh, yeah? What, does it vibrate, or

Oh, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

Oh, yes. Yes, that's right.

Oh, you don't look like a whore.

Oh, you know, just wanted to show off my pretty new bride to the home folks.

Oh, you poor dear.

Oh, you son of a Okay, that's it.

Oh! Lana!

Oh! Oh, my God. Listen, Burt didn't write the note. I did.

Oh! Oh, my God. Listen, Burt didn't write the note. I did.

Oh! Seriously, Dodge? Apple juice?

Oh! Sorry. That's okay, they're not my best feature.

Oh.

Oh. And also, did we lose some people?

Oh. And ew.

Oh. ARCHER: Costs, like, a nickel.

Oh. Difficult to meet people, isn't it, in jobs like ours?

Oh. Ew, Mother.

Oh. Ew, Mother.

Oh. Goddamn it. Well, look on the bright side.

Oh. Hello?

Oh. I don't know, I just wanna feel like I'm a part of the team, you know?

Oh. It's a figure of speech.

Oh. Oh, Goddess of the Jungle, I take it all back.

Oh. Oh, right.

Oh. Oh, shit.

Oh. Oh!

Oh. So you don't, um, happen to remember me saying anything about passwords...

Oh. So you don't, um, happen to remember me saying anything about passwords...

Oh. That son of a bitch is early.

Oh. Their CPUs run on photovoltaic cells.

Oh. Well, I was hoping you guys could come up with something.

Oh. Well, thanks. You're welcome.

Oh. Well, that's just great, Dave.

Oh. Whatever. Either way.

Oh. Yeah, okay. The safe house.

Oh. Yeah, okay. The safe house.

Oh. You can wear this.

Oh...

Oh... For you, for some reason.

Oh... For you, for some reason.

Okay, A, rhetorical, and, B, your what? Seaplane.

Okay, Barry. Forgetting for the moment how you found me here...

Okay, bride and groom, check. Bridesmaids, check.

Okay, but this one has airboats, and they're central to the plot.

Okay, but this one has airboats, and they're central to the plot.

Okay, can I just run up to my hovel quick and grab the only extant copy of my dissertation?

Okay, can I just run up to my hovel quick and grab the only extant copy of my dissertation?

Okay, can we get two, um...

Okay, Cyril, then lesson 1A:

Okay, hang on.

Okay, how about a slice?

Okay, I gotta bounce. Later, taters!

Okay, I see what you're doing here. Hands behind your back, Calzado.

Okay, I'll bite.

Okay, I'm gonna drink some of this and then I'm gonna do a huge spit take on you.

Okay, I'm setting the autopilot.

Okay, jeez, I get it!

Okay, let's hunt some humans.

Okay, now I'm having third thoughts. Oh, please don't.

Okay, now what? You can un shut up.

Okay, Pam, who's the big cheesy san around here?

Okay, Ray, Cyril, get ready.

Okay, so So help me God, Sterling...

Okay, so obviously Jeannie was stolen, and who steals cars, Woodhouse?

Okay, then it's settled.

Okay, then make Nutella waffles.

Okay, then you listen to me.

Okay, then you listen to me.

Okay, there.

Okay, this is it.

Okay, to the Intrepid. Let's go.

Okay, well, then they'll just have to do till we find some cowboys and Indians.

Okay, what seems to be the ?

Okay, yes, busted again, but I think now we're kind of rethinking that, so

Okay, yes, let me explain. Busted. We're arms dealers.

Okay, you heard him. Uh, I heard him tell you to do it.

Okay, you're doing pretty well so far, so, what's the plan, rookie?

Okay! Ugh. Red wine, ass.

Okay?! No, we're not okay!

Okay?! No, we're not okay!

Okay.

Okay. Archer?

Okay. I actually have a date.

Okay. Malory?

Okay. Okay. I Okay.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. You look, you listen, you smell...

Old Lucy Goosey here only has a range of about a thousand nautical miles.

On "kill" mode, the M 41 fires lethal plasma ammunition.

On "stun," it fires an ion pulse, similar to an EMP.

On behalf of his fellow ISIS agents, please let me be the first to offer my condolences.

On my word. And if I do catch them

On my word. And if I do catch them...

On purpose. Exactly. The gun just went off.

On this trajectory, we'll miss Horizon. Control, what happened?

Once these idiots figure out they can turn those cannons on the wheelhouse, we're gonna be...

Once we get you parked, I'll clean you up and wipe you down with a fine chamois.

One minutes.

One of these days, I swear to God, I'm gonna burn this place straight down to the ground.

One of these days, I swear to God, I'm gonna burn this place straight down to the ground.

One question before you die.

One, I didn't invent whatever this door is made of...

One, I don't know what that means.

Only at your place, or maybe a hotel, or

Only if by "Martian" you mean "born on Mars," not actual alien life forms.

Only if he's parking your car.

Only if he's parking your car.

Only if I can defect too.

Only with semen.

Ooh ooh, elegant dinner party.

Ooh, I bet it's that wicked king. So? Why'd Krieger drag us into it?

Ooh, yes. Another palace must have.

Ooh! Who's that, some mobster'?

Ooh.

Ooh. And also the one remaining person who could fly us back to Earth!

Ooh. Or Lana. Lana.

Ooh. Or Lana. Lana.

Ooh. Probably shouldn't have done that. Not enough left to get drunk on.

Oops.

Operation Gladio. Gladio?

Operation Gladio. it was a NATO stay behind mission...

Or am I misreading the situation?

Or an opportunity! Like, to get closer!

Or are we not telling you that?

Or are you pouting for some reason?

Or are you pouting for some...? Oh, crap, are you already at 21?

Or ass level, which in your case would also take off your head.

Or both.

Or choose not to, whatever.

Or do we?

Or doing your share of work, apparently. Who likes that?

Or have we literally gone back in time?

Or just run around interrupting people.

Or just run away.

Or lack thereof. Or whatever.

Or maybe, Mother, you could swallow your pride and just apologize to your super

Or on the dirty floor in the elevator?

Or Richie Havens. Nikolai!

Or somebody who just thinks that's what movie stars call Hollywood.

Or somebody who just thinks that's what movie stars call Hollywood.

Or super hot? Hey! Remember? We're married?

Or the Mountain Everest.

Or to her? Who Why is she here?

Or tricking me into that fart locker to get blasted into outer goddamn space...

Or wearing such shitty clothes. Or doing such shitty missions.

Or whatever. The normal number.

Or you can save your money and try your luck in the current job market.

Or, could I have done something wrong?

Or, God forbid, if you get it stolen... I won't.

Or, oh, maybe Ray could run over them with his wheelchair.

Or, whatever...

Organizational charts, inventory and cash flow analyses, spreadsheets.

Otherwise, I think that all went pretty great.

Ought to call it a Y ration, as in, "Hey, this tastes like cat shit."

Our satellite's locked on the beacon, which is, jeez, the middle of nowhere.

Our special guests must not be injured in any way.

Outstanding. Riley out.

Over here! Hey! No, no, no, quit waving. Get down.

Over my dead body.

Over.

Ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow! Damn it! You started it!

Ow, stop it! You stop it!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! And B, lower your freaking voice.

Ow! Come on, that was right in my fricking ear. Sorry, I know that hurts.

Ow! I actually have, like, mild tinnitus now.

Ow! Lana come on, I was Ow! I'll show you a sullen wench.

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Unh

Ow! Unh. Archer!

Ow! What the hell is on your hands? My bum zappers.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow!

Ow. Ow. Ow!

Paging Dr. Boy, Dr. Birthday Boy.

PAM : "Auto." Got it. Moving the lever.

PAM : Okay.

Pam, 9 a.m. Friday morning, all ISIS employees will take a drug test.

Pam, don't take this the wrong way...

Pam, if you do that again... What are you gonna do, shoot my car?

Pam, let me ask you something.

Pam, look at me. I will literally murder you.

Pam, shoot!

Pam, what are you doing? What? Nothing.

Pam, you're melting! You're melting!

PAM: Goddamn it.

PAM: I can't remember.

PAM: I thought it was just a myth.

PAM: Me. ARCHER: Ew.

PAM: Oh, for

PAM: Ow!

PAM: You'll never take me alive!

PAM: Your place?

Pam! It'll spoil.

Pam! MALORY: And she'll do it too.

Pam.

Pam.

Pamela, stop. Your queen commands you.

Pee in your pants. Yeah, wrong number.

Phrasing.

Phrasing.

Pick up, Sterling. Pick up, pick

Pick up, Sterling. Pick up, pick...

Pig!

Pig!

Pimm's Cup. Odd choice.

Pimm's Cup. Odd choice.

Pimp cup? Certainly.

Pimp cup? Certainly.

Pirate fortress.

Pirates, line two. MALORY: Wha ? Well, put them through.

Pirates! That's kind of confusing since we're on a

Planks. Now I'm done.

Please don't make me choose.

Please don't make me choose.

Please leave a message

Please, all you have to do is sit around all day getting laid.

Please, don't do this.

Please, don't do this.

Please, we'll take those.

Please. We just want to go home.

Plenty of time to discuss our plan during the flight.

Plus I want to unleash the power of moonshine.

Plus it vibrates.

Plus, it'll drive Mother crazy.

Plus, my valet will give you some heroin.

Plus, yes, it vibrates.

PONDER: All right, then! Light them up!

PONDER: Randy Gillet! This is Sheriff E.Z. Ponder!

Positive? Yeah.

Positive? Yeah.

Possible.

Possibly. Well, then we're all screwed.

Pound six, pound five two!

Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

Preferably above 72nd Street.

Press clippings. Hard to stay anonymous when you're the world's greatest secret agent.

Press clippings. Hard to stay anonymous when you're the world's greatest secret agent.

Press that blue button?

Press that red button? I...

Pretty much, yeah.

Primary skills: covert operations..

Prime minister? Of Italy?

Probably my grisly murder, because we still haven't found that password.

Probably my grisly murder, because we still haven't found that password.

Probably not as scary as knowing that I'm going to cut you down from there...

Probably not.

Probably not. Because you're a spy and all?

Probably thanks to your bucket stanch.

Probably thanks to your bucket stanch.

Probably thanks to your bucket stanch.

Problemo solved o.

Promise broken.

Pssh. Yeah, and I'm something equally hard to believe is true.

Put Sterling through the minute he calls in!

Put Sterling through the minute he calls in!

Put two halves of a potato in with the sauce, it'll absorb the salt.

Quickie?

Quiet game! We're gonna regroup at the safe house...

Randy, don't. Listen here, Moto, I...

Randy, I didn't want it like this! Now, come on, I tried to reason with you!

Randy, it's me! Ray! Your brother!

Randy, wait! Dukes!

Randy, you don't have to do this.

Randy, you may be a racist, homophobic, wife swapping drug dealer...

Randy, your seemingly effeminate brother is actually a highly trained secret agent.

RANDY: Reason with this!

RANDY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, now hang on a second!

Randy!

Randy! Shut up. And Mama never liked you.

Randy? Is he telling the truth?

Ransom us. Awesome.

Rationalizing my behavior.

Ray is not an interior decorator.

Ray, he was And then poor Janelle...

Ray, I'm having fourth thoughts.

Ray, I'm kidding. Don't be like that.

Ray, I'm kidding. Don't be like that.

Ray, to be honest, I'm kind of having second thoughts about this whole thing.

Ray, turn the lights on! KRIEGER: Archer, no! The photovoltaics!

Ray! Now I kill you.

Ray! Now I kill you.

Ray?

Ray?

Ray?

Ray?

Ray? Is he telling the truth?

Ray? Ray, come on honey, stay with me.

Ray? Ray?

Ray? Ray?

Ray. Actually, I might not be cut out for it.

Ray's still up in the woods, right? Uh... Oh.

Re evaluate your entire life. And yes, I'm sure

Re evaluate your entire life. And yes, I'm sure.

Really hoping that's not relevant.

Really wish we had some backup. Who, Cyril?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. I directed it.

Really? Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. I directed it.

Really? Because they feel great.

Really? I mean..

Really? I mean...

Really? This isn't your kneecap?

Really? Yes, really...

Really? Yes.

Really? Yes.

Relax, it's on stun, Lana.

Relax, you're gonna love this. No, I'm not, and also I need to pee.

Remember how I said I kind of have a date? Oh...

Remember how I said I kind of have a date? Oh...

Remember? We picked you up last night, said we were going on a trip?

Remind me, when was it that I said, "Guys, great idea.

Rescue me from myself.

Ridiculous. Preaching to the choir, buddy

Ridiculous. Preaching to the choir, buddy.

Right after I get my car. Jeezy Petes.

Right hand drive. Duh.

Right here, space nuts.

Right in the same ear! MALORY: Ha! Good. Serves you right.

Right on the water. And guess what's tied up out there at the dock.

Right on the water. And guess what's tied up out there at the dock.

Right, sorry, guess I'm a bad listener.

Right, then.

Right? How scary would that be?

Right? LANA: Really?

Right? Language center of the brain

Right? Language center of the brain...

Right? Wow.

Right? Yes, Archer, because if you do this

Right? Yes, Archer, because if you do this...

Right. Well, except for the one.

Riley, I will shoot you. Then I'll shoot you. With a flare.

RILEY: About 40 hours in the air. Hooray.

RILEY: Damn it. There goes number two.

RILEY: First of all Riley, no. Don't say it

RILEY: Hey, come on. Happens to me kind of a lot.

RILEY: Looks like they're surrendering. Why?

RILEY: Which this idiot shot to pieces

Rimshot. Shut up.

Rip Riley here can fly anything. You know, as long as it's got fuel.

Rip Riley here can fly anything. You know, as long as it's got fuel.

Rip? Rip, I take it all back. You're as strong and sexy as the night we...

Rock beats spoon. You should know that, you're an archeologist.

Rock beats spoon. You should know that, you're an archeologist.

Rowrr. Oh, stop it.

Ruins Barry's whole tracksuit vibe.

RZ double DZ?

Sam Whiskey, Navajo Joe, Fuzz, Hooper, Shamus, Shark, The Longest Yard...

Sam Whiskey, Navajo Joe, Fuzz, Hooper, Shamus, Shark, The Longest Yard...

Same thing we used in the RFC to clean the engines of our Sopwith Camels.

Sarcasm again. Yes, I'm ready.

Save it! Nobody wants your... Mother, Burt

Save it! Nobody wants your... Mother, Burt...

Savio and I met after the war when I was in Italy with Gladio.

Savio was in town to give a speech at the U.N.

Savio!

Say "budget" to me again, Cyril. Save your receipts, please.

Say hello to Rip Riley, manhunter.

Say something before they change their minds.

Scraps of paper, Woodhouse, which, by definition, yes, is garbage.

Screw you, Archer. Sullen wench?

Seal the door behind me and prepare Horizon for launch.

Second thing is, if you want me to keep doing you dirty on the down low

Security breach, Pod 6. I heard you.

Security team, this is Commander Drake. Converge on Pod 6.

See wh ? No!

See wh..

See, me and Janelle got us one of them open marriages...

See? But

See? Is she not something special?

See? Now we just wait for Mr. Archer to save the day, like he always does.

See? This is why I like to keep it loose.

Seriously, guys, read a book.

Seriously, I hope she didn't sign a prenup, because Oh, my God.

Seriously, what the hell, Riley? I didn't know you were making a move.

Serves them right, those jerks. But you know wine. You rich man.

Serves you right. Anybody else hit?

Sex under a hive of Africanized bees?

She Aah!

She didn't break my heart, Mother, she was murdered.

She has hopes and dreams and fears and needs.

She has hopes and dreams and fears and needs.

She in there? Yeah. Where's mine at'?

She took it.

She took it. What?

She what? I mean, who?

She'd hate you no matter what you are. Because I did not ask to be this way.

She's mad because I slept with Randy.

She's not the one who kept riding you into it, holding your mouth open.

She's obviously a double, carved up by KGB plastic surgeons to look like Katya, and

She's still kind, and smart, and insanely hot.

Sheesh. Rather get shot with a flare. Man up. Talk to your mother.

Shiro kabocha, this is not over.

Shit, they're in the armory.

Shit! Oh, damn it!

Shit! What the ?

Shit! What the...?

Shit. Lana!

Shit. Lana!

Shoot. Figuratively.

Shotgun. Me too.

Should I tell them to cancel it, or..

Should I, just Just 911? All right, let's move them out!

Shut up, because now we're gonna die.

Shut up, don't do that. I mean, what were you gonna do, marry my mother?

Shut up, give me the gun. No.

Shut up. But I promised his mother that I would bring him home safely.

Shut up. But I promised his mother that I would bring him home safely.

Shut up. Hang on, does nobody seriously know what today is?

Shut up. Okay. Taxi!

Shut up. Okay. Taxi!

Shut up. Ray? Ray.

Shut up. Ray...

Shut up. When's the next race? And we're gonna pose as your pit crew.

Siberia?

Since always!

Since always!

Since otherwise he'd kill you?

Since the DEA's budget was gutted by all those federal spending cutbacks.

Since the KGB has someone like Barry!

Since there's only four of us.

Since they ate your husband.

Since we're gonna die in the morning, we should have sex now.

Since when are we bounty hunters?

Sir, I'm not sure Lana Sorry, honey is physically capable of spaceflight.

Sir? Phone number! Matchbook!

Sir? What are you...?

Six enemas is a luxury we can ill afford. Got it.

Six? Who knows? He put me under. Maybe 12.

Sleep? I've been doing yogic breathing work for two hours.

So "stun" may be a bit of a misnomer.

So are there just no towers here?

So are we gonna make some cooch chili or what?

So Barry brought me here How did he know where "here" was?

So clean all the broken glass and the sticky apple juice...

So don't care.

So every time it doesn't, I just assume it's not her, not calling to say they

So every time it doesn't, I just assume it's not her, not calling to say they...

So excuse me for needing some time to grieve.

So give him some of yours. I'm A negative.

So give him some of yours. I'm A negative.

So here's my advice to you: dress in layers.

So here's the thing...

So I bet she'd pay whatever ransom you ask for.

So I deserve to land the goddamn spaceship!

So I hope this doesn't sound weird...

So I just need you to keep him busy while I have sex with his wife

So I know that sucked Vacuum cleaner puns?

So I think I speak for all of us when I say...

So I think I've got a pretty good handle on it.

So I won't ask you to forgive me...

So if I give you 2 million, will you go away and say you never found me?

So if I give you 2 million, will you go away and say you never found me?

So if we can't get the body out of here in one piece...

So is it just E.Z. coming, or ? No.

So is there, like, special chicken shaving cream, or...?

So is this.

So it says here that Calzado isn't even the head of the whole operation.

So it's a DVD, a box of wine, some Hot Pockets, and off to bed.

So just a heads up, I'm starting the rampage now.

So just debrief yourself with the camera, and when I get back...

So just debrief yourself with the camera, and when I get back...

So just go with Pam to do your paperwork.

So let me take this baby on in. What are you doing?

So let's do this!

So let's do this!

So let's just play it by ear, see where the afternoon takes us.

So Mother can keep her stupid ransom, because I don't need her!

So Mother can keep her stupid ransom, because I don't need her!

So move it. Today please.

So move it. Today please.

So much of this I never wanna know the answer to

So never mind.

So nice try, idiot.

So nice try, idiot.

So Nikolai has been dropping hints that he may want to defect.

So not only is Ray not paralyzed, but his brother is a drug dealer

So now I have to go undercover in the high end car thief whatever, underworld...

So now what? What's the plan?

So now you thinking, "Did he fire eight shots, or only ?"

So now you thinking, "Did he fire eight shots, or only...?"

So now, for the rest of your idiot life, I've got that on you.

So now, for the rest of your idiot life, I've got that on you.

So once again you're faced with the classic lrishman's dilemma:

So plausible deniability isn't a super realistic goal here.

So quit reading and pay attention. But there's a lot of useful stuff in here

So RoboCop, pro or con?

So shut up, Cyril's gonna be fine.

So shut your dickholes, get your gear, shut up again, and start walking.

So tell me about this island of yours.

So tell me, how strong are you?

So that we don't die writhing in agony, when we run out of oxygen.

So the assault weapons and plastic explosives, why do you have these?

So the only reason to go out there is your ego.

So then, I'll, uh... I'll just be on my way.

So this all needs to come out.

So this is how it's gonna be, huh?

So truce? Uh

So unless anyone besides Mommy Dearest objects to this union

So unless the building is literally on fire, none of you are to call me.

So wait, are we not doing drinks?

So we've got a dead Italian prime minister in the living room, which

So we've got a highly ish skilled covert agent...

So when you say you assume Jakov got on that train to Siberia..

So where does ISIS fit in, commander? Well

So why aren't you A holes down there?

So why do you wanna be one?

So yeah, try to think of a plan.

So you don't mind if I look around? Uh, no, of course not.

So you fired three times...

So you have to take proper care of it. I will.

So you rethinking that rampage?

So you think he'd be a problem? God, yes.

So your brother, the drug dealer He's not a drug dealer! He's a drug farmer.

So your plan is for us to get as black out, knee walking...

So your plan is for us to get as black out, knee walking...

So, da, this is a little awkward.

So, Pam, Carol, stay here with Malory. Everybody else, let's go to Archer's.

So, Pam, Carol, stay here with Malory. Everybody else, let's go to Archer's.

So, seriously, none of you know how to fly this thing?

So, shiro kabocha...

So, Trish, Horizon is self sustaining, right?

So, uh, you really think you can fix it so I just get probation?

So, um, how'd that go?

So, what are the rules here, exactly? Ah. Lana, be still.

So, what are you ladies up to? Cleaning out the stupid file room.

So, what do I call you?

So, what, Mother shot herself? Oh, my God, Lana

So, what, why the frantic phone call?

So, what's in the armory?

So? I already got my tub.

So? I already got my tub.

Some offense. Uh, some taken.

Somebody dead? What?

Somebody stole my birthday car.

Somebody, come on, promises were made.

Someone broke in here and shot him.

Someone's framing Malory for murdering the prime minister of Italy.

Something "else" else.

Sometimes? Oh, shut up.

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

Son of a shit snacking whore.

Sorry about that.

Sorry about that.

Sorry again for the intrusion, ma'am.

Sorry for the intrusion. That tip must have been a hoax.

Sorry I ate so much food. That was a dick move.

Sorry, babe, I'll focus.

Sorry, didn't know anyone was waiting. I'd recommend the other bathroom.

Sorry, had to go to the bathroom. Nothing unusual, just, uh, you know...

Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of "I broke your nose."

Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of "I broke your nose."

Sorry, I forgot to tell you the go word was

Sorry, I gotta get back to Earth before the Stargate closes.

Sorry, I'm running late, so go ahead and order me four martinis and...

Sorry, it's this Corinthian leather.

Sorry, sir, you were going all Bilbo y.

Sorry? You're sorry?

Sorry. And if you were in my tax bracket...

Sorry. Hi, I'm Randy, crew leader, and...

Sorry. Let me buy you a drink. I wanna tell you my idea for a Gator sequel.

Sorry. Let me buy you a drink. I wanna tell you my idea for a Gator sequel.

Sort of following up on his thing about the middle of nowhere. How?

Spark from fork, gas from stove Boom.

Speaking of, is that Archer?

Speaking of, what's the scenario when we get to the Horizon?

Speaking of, why was the prime minister of Italy here?

Speaking of, why was the prime minister of Italy here?

Speedboats, not airboats.

Speedboats, not airboats.

Spent the last six months pretending to be handicapped.

Splashless urinal cakes have been pretty good to us.

Spoon him! What do you mean, spoon him?

Starting with a little training exercise we lightheartedly call...

Steady on, sir.

Sterling Archer.

Sterling can get himself out of this jam, for once.

Sterling can get himself out of this jam, for once.

Sterling Malory Archer, you inconsiderate little...

Sterling, are you all right?

Sterling, get your things.

Sterling, get your things.

Sterling, I don't know how you did it, but...

Sterling, I know I may not say this very often Or ever.

Sterling, I want an update, so call me the instant you get this mess

Sterling, if by some miracle, this video tape survives the explosion...

Sterling, it's me.

Sterling? Don't hang up!

Sterling? Don't hang up!

Sterling.

Sterling. Archer.

Sterling. This car cost me a lot of money.

Sterling. Yeah?

Sterling. Yes, Mother?

Sterling's been missing for three months and you idiots have nothing.

Still confused. LANA: Ray, now!

Still crazy hot.

Still what? Alive.

Still with the tone.

Still, you're welcome.

Sting Ray, five speed.

Stockard Channing.

Stockard Channing.

Stop this at once. We command you.

Subject A, however, remains at large.

Such a fatty.

Such mind shattering awesomeness!

Suck it! No!

Suck it! No!

Sullen wench.

Supen Ray, look out!

Suppressing

Suppressing fire!

Suppressing fire!

Sure thing, boss man.

Sure, I'll limp on down there. Don't limp, Brett...

Sure, we'll just walk a dead body right out the front door. Idiot.

Surprise.

Swear to God, first thing Friday morning, we all gotta pee in a cup.

Sweet shitsnacks, look at those!

T shirt. Sorry, it's been commandeered.

Take a boarding party and bring them back here to join their friends.

Take your hands off that harness.

Talking about the drug test, huh? Duh.

Tell me about this pretty new wife of yours.

Tell me what?

Tell me, if you kill her, who's gonna bear our Martian children? Huh? Trish?

Ten million dollars?

Tend to the wounded!

Tend to the wounded!

Tending bar. Or not.

Thank God you guys got here before they started killing hostages.

Thank God, because we're out of fuel.

Thank you

Thank you Lana, that's So not doing it for you

Thank you, Boris.

Thank you, darling.

Thank you, Janelle, I would love more of your moist and hot pie.

Thank you, world's loudest voice. Now shut up.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Finally, somebody acknowledges my birthday.

Thank you. I mean, I know it's hard for you.

Thank you. MALORY: Oh, shut up.

Thank you. No problem

Thank you. No problem.

Thankfully, I didn't have to share.

Thanks a lot, blabbermouth. She beat it out of me.

Thanks a lot. Thank you.

Thanks for starting my sentence for me.

Thanks to you and your fire extinguisher. Right?

Thanks to you we wasted all night dicking around with the yakuza...

Thanks, Burt! Anytime, darling.

Thanks, Dodge, or whoever.

Thanks, Dodge!

Thanks, Holly Hindsight.

Thanks, human shield. Although, where the hell are all your men?

Thanks, human shield. Although, where the hell are all your men?

Thanks, Marlin Perkins. I think I know a tiger when I hear one!

Thanks, Woodhouse. This is amazing. Seriously, you outdid yourself.

Thanks. And I'm sorry, but you gotta let me out, Pam.

Thanks. Normally, I'd say I don't need it, but I can barely feel my legs.

Thanks. Yeah, I figured you'd know to head back to the, uh, LZ thingy

That being said...

That did seem piratey. They forgot to search me.

That doesn't mean all cyborgs are like that.

That I like. The non Midnight Cowboy kind.

That I was the best sex you ever had? No.

That I'm doing for Krieger, which is why he broke the server, to help Lana cover up...

That if anybody ever finds out about it, I will literally

That may be the funniest thing you've ever said.

That may be the funniest thing you've ever said.

That movie was just god awful

That movie was just god awful.

That movie's basically why I became a secret agent in the first place.

That movie's basically why I became a secret agent in the first place.

That she's so jealous of my love for Katya, she won't hire a world class spy...

That there were some of.

That was a gift to my grandfather...

That was a jaguar, dumb ass.

That was also sarcasm, since apparently now we're saying whenever we do it.

That was for Pearl Harbor.

That was Phase Two.

That was sarcasm.

That was the last transmission from the Horizon.

That would be Mr. Moto, he's...

That would be the yakuza.

That, that Hey, don't worry about Barry.

That's 150 gallons...

That's actually kind of scary. Eh.

That's actually kind of scary. Eh.

That's actually pretty smart.

That's because you hid, Cyril.

That's how I knew it was from him. Give me that.

That's how I knew it was from him. Give me that.

That's kind of clever. CYRIL: Super creepy.

That's my fiancée you're talking about! Really?

That's not all, sir.

That's not your car, is it? Yeah, why?

That's not your car, is it? Yeah, why?

That's our pee, and that's the last I better hear about it...

That's outrageous. I won't pay it.

That's outrageous. I won't pay it.

That's right, Archer. All part of my brilliant plan.

That's what Dad said when the bank man came out to foreclose on the farm.

That's what I thought.

That's what you went with? Bet you're up to your eyeballs in poontang!

That's why your phone is blinking.

That's why your phone is blinking.

The alarm company called us because the motion sensors were going off.

The bathroom, the body, how did you ?

The black titanium corporate card?

The bridge! We have to make it to the

The California redwood is endangered.

The California redwood is endangered.

The camera's set up for debriefing and one of us will relieve you in eight hours.

The com link, by the door.

The crease, idiots! Guard the crease!

The dance of death, idiot.

The fact that we're still alive tells me they're gonna try to

The floor is lava! The floor is lava!

The Gillet boys, side by side.

The grappling hook detaches from my end?

The important thing is you came back to help me.

The interior boasts mil spec GPS...

The Italian prime minister was just assassinated in my apartment.

The KC 135 flies in a parabolic arc

The kind who'd infiltrate the yakuza?

The M 41 Mark Two plasma pulse rifle with concussion grenade launcher.

The mainframe is Krieger's baby. How'd you get him to go in?

The man who might've been my father...

The most efficient way to decrease the budget deficit...

The old man knew his Scotch.

The Omicron Spacemaster.

The prime minister of Italy. The what?

The remedy for which, miss, if you'll forgive my boldness...

The rest of you can get out of my clothes and then out of my house.

The shuttle Intrepid is launching in three days.

The simulator. Guys, I can fly us home.

The simulator. Guys, I can fly us home.

The tiger also says you owe me $1000, so

The time is exactly 7:16, and I wish they were...

The tofu teriyaki, not so much.

The training schedule will have to be highly compressed.

The what?

The what? Ow!

The what? Ow!

The what? What are you ?

The white shadow.

The whole sheriff's department. I'd say 2O men...

The world holds its breath.

The world holds its breath.

Then El Contador and I, just us alone, will track you and kill you.

Then go home, sober up, and make sure your apartment is secure.

Then go prep the safe house.

Then grab a gun and cover that window! What should I do?

Then he got married and went into politics.

Then here's what's gonna happen. You'll drink your Pimm's Cup

Then here's what's gonna happen. You'll drink your Pimm's Cup...

Then I couldn't get a cab, so I got back in the chair and

Then I don't care if you have to buy a plane, get out there and find him.

Then I freshened up while Savio got changed and situated.

Then I propose a friendly wager.

Then I, uh, misunderstood the concept.

Then I'll have to ransom her and Sterling and Rip and

Then I'll have to ransom her and Sterling and Rip and...

Then I'll use a D ration bar and two survival crackers...

Then kill each other. And then shut up.

Then kill each other. And then shut up.

Then off to New York City. You can just say New York.

Then she pulls a gun on him?

Then shut up. God.

Then we are gonna have some ground rules. To wit!

Then we do the dance.

Then we give Mother a million and you and I split the other million.

Then we slip into my new hot tub and see where the evening takes us.

Then we slip into my new hot tub and see where the evening takes us.

Then why isn't the airlock open?

Then you can be a bartender and destroy a new marriage every week.

Then you can join the, um...

Then you should probably just get it over with.

Then you should probably just get it over with.

Theoretically. Sorry.

There is a perfectly good coal mine not a half mile from here.

There is fuel. On Horizon.

There is no Mars without you, Tony. I'm sorry.

There was a mutual attraction, one thing led to another..

There we go. Look, check this out.

There will not be a third.

There, I finished. Jeez, damn.

There, I finished. Jeez, damn.

There's a mental hospital there?

There's a mental hospital there?

There's a reason they call it "black out drunk."

There's a reason they call it "black out drunk."

There's mines all in the yard.

There's nothing wrong with Capezios!

There's plenty of blame to go around here. I don't think I deserve any, but

These nutsacks wanna take us to Mars to be baby factories.

They don't, though. They're just surrendering the ship to you.

They made it to the finals? Uh huh.

They made it to the finals? Uh huh.

They make you!

They may have fire superiority. You think?

They might have to last us a while. Um...

They never do.

They never do.

They should've rescued Sterling and Rip from the pirates hours ago.

They should've rescued Sterling and Rip from the pirates hours ago.

They tell you they love you and then they just cast you aside...

They tell you they love you and then they just cast you aside...

They'd just go buy a million dollars' worth of crack with it.

They'll go easy on you. Hell, the judge is my wife's cousin.

They're all at the intramural lacrosse finals.

They're all at the intramural lacrosse finals.

They're fighting space pirates out there. With Cyril.

They're not candy bars, jackass, they're survival rations.

They're not coming back.

They're not doing anything! We're gonna die!

They're not doing anything! We're gonna die!

They're not Japanese. Neutral.

They're not! I'll part her out and sell her for scrap.

They're on the fence! Goddamn it, Archer!

They're right where they've always been.

They're the mutineers. Aah!

They're the yakuza. Who were minding their own business.

Think he would dare to do that.

Thirty years of my life I give to the KGB...

This from million dollar yacht.

This guy I know named my dead father.

This is all my fault.

This is Commander Kellogg of I. S.A. Space Station Horizon.

This is gonna be

This is just a goof. Later, tater.

This is like the world's slowest van!

This is like the world's slowest van!

This is Malory Archer.

This is Malory Archer.

This is Malory Archer.

This is Malory Archer.

This is not at all what I pictured. You hear "pirate ship"...

This is Romén Calzado, the notorious Colombian drug lord.

This is the only way out. Of the armory.

This meeting is for field agents only.

This plane is totally practical.

This whole dungeon is, um...

This whole dungeon is, um...

This, glad you asked, is a block of ice with a fork frozen in it.

Those numskulls who picked us up were so drunk

Three million in cash? That, uh, should not be a problem.

Three million in cash? That, uh, should not be a problem.

Three million, and not a penny more.

Through there! Go! Uh, nope.

To a zone...

To be a hoity toity interior decorator. You can just say decorator.

To get food for my fellow hostages.

To shoot that dickbag in his face

To teach you a lesson. About what?

To the cars.

Today, please! BUCKY: Unh!

Today's my shopping day.

Tone. Yeah, sorry.

Tonight, now.

Tony? ARCHER : "Tony"?

Too late. Malory.

Transform.

Transmission

Trifling bitches.

Trilogy? Huh. Yeah, with twice as many airboats as Gator.

Trilogy? Huh. Yeah, with twice as many airboats as Gator.

Try to relax, darling.

Tuesday? The Rapture?

Turn on the goddamn lights!

Twelve? DRAKE: Yes.

Twice as many would be none. What? Gator had

Twice as many would be none. What? Gator had...

Two more? Then we can populate Mars even faster than we'd hoped.

Two personal records!

Two questions: Is that the sheriff and have you recently gone insane?

Ugh, gross. Keep it moving, cripple.

Ugh, too salty. Yeah, I know. You got a potato?

Ugh! And since when is he your hero?

Ugh! And since when is he your hero?

Ugh! For God's sakes, woman. Dramamine!

Ugh! How much? Hundred bucks each.

Ugh! The Intrepid is the key to Drake's plan...

Ugh.

Ugh. All right. But turn around.

Ugh. Anyway, this is all obviously unauthorized...

Ugh. I can't. I feel sick. What's happening? Do I have cancer again?

Ugh. It's black, powerful, sexy.

Ugh. It's not

Ugh. Okay, I'll help you. To do... Wait, what am I helping you to do?

Ugh. Otherwise, just follow me.

Ugh. Seriously, how can you be drinking after last night?

Ugh. Smells like a kennel in here

Ugh. Smells like a kennel in here.

Ugh. What now?

Ugh. What? Oh, for How was that racist?

Ugh. Why do I always forget you're Ow!

Ugh. Wondering why this is called a D ration.

Uh Is that a ghost? No, no, it's Never mind.

Uh Never mind. I'm sure someone is gonna feed the farm animals.

Uh Shut up.

Uh huh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. But just to be clear, we don't do babies.

Uh huh. But we got a tip there'd been a murder up here.

Uh huh. Have you seen Sterling? What, like ever?

Uh huh. Mind if I talk to them? Heavens, no, of course not, but

Uh huh. Well, that's another coincidence...

Uh, a town called work.

Uh, Calzado, you've got yourself a deal.

Uh, can we expect a pharmacy?

Uh, can we expect a pharmacy?

Uh, clunk. Did that do it?

Uh, couple things. One, Ray, thanks for perpetuating the stereotype...

Uh, couple things. One, Ray, thanks for perpetuating the stereotype...

Uh, does that include **** related injury?

Uh, don't take this the wrong way...

Uh, excuse me, could I borrow you?

Uh, flight, we're showing that you are grossly overweight.

Uh, get in line. Randy Gillet, where are your manners?

Uh, hang on, sorry, one sec

Uh, Heckle, Jeckle, between us and Calzado's fortified compound...

Uh, heh WOMAN: Yoo hoo!

Uh, hello?

Uh, Herlihy, you said his name was? Hm?

Uh, I'm sorry, is something funny?

Uh, I'm sorry, is something funny?

Uh, is the surprise that you're pirating cable?

Uh, ISIS getting an inside look at every single KGB operation in the world?

Uh, no, he actually said he wanted to talk to

Uh, no, you do not.

Uh, no, you do not.

Uh, no. Please pay attention.

Uh, okay.

Uh, okay. We have to assume Archer's heading back to the LZ too...

Uh, perhaps a coddled egg?

Uh, smoke bomb!

Uh, so does this run on batteries, or ?

Uh, so... Hey, hi.

Uh, sorry about that, sir.

Uh, sorry. I thought "French" was a joke.

Uh, speaking of, great for picnics.

Uh, sure, why not.

Uh, that would be a pimp cup, sir.

Uh, that would be a pimp cup, sir.

Uh, the father of eugenics.

Uh, the Lax mi Singhers

Uh, the Lax mi Singhers...

Uh, this is Barry.

Uh, this thing called "my boss made me sleep at my desk," so pajamas.

Uh, this thing called "my boss made me sleep at my desk," so pajamas.

Uh, well, it's really hard to say.

Uh, why, what is that?

Uh, wow.

Uh, wow.

Uh, yeah, his name's Houdini. Whom I wish you were.

Uh, yeah, his name's Houdini. Whom I wish you were.

Uh, yeah, it means hurry? Come on, we got a chopper to catch. Tie him up.

Uh, yeah. For your information, almost all male cheerleaders are

Uh, yeah. For your information, almost all male cheerleaders are...

Uh, you Right, right.

Uh, you... Right, right.

Uh, your wish is my command. CHERYL: Duh.

Uh. eight?

Uh...

Uh... All right, since you called it.

Uh... Is that a ghost? No, no, it's... Never mind.

Uh... Oh! Can they split up?

Uh... Right in the head and ass.

Uh... Wait, really?

Ultimate Bum Shockfights, and no, it looks like it was an actual break in.

Um, at all. Why not?

Um, dickhead? Takes one to know one.

Um, mm. You might check the loo.

Um, not Archer? No, I had to outsmart them.

Um, oh. There's a grappling hook in the street, get that, and then find out where to buy caltrops.

Um, they all think I'm married to, like, a woman, so...

Um, tropics or Busch Gardens?

Um, trying? Oh, that reminds me.

Um, well, I'll tell you what it's not, which is what it looks like.

Um, why? To all three of those.

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... He's a highly trained secret agent.

Um... Oh, for

Um... Oh, God. He's got an erection.

Um... Shut up.

Uncuff me, you idiot. Holy God, if we overshot our chance to refuel...

Uncuff me! Okay. God.

Unh! Hang on, everybody.

Unh! Hang on, everybody.

Unh! Oh, man, right in my new pants

Unh! What?

Unh... Let that be a lesson to you.

Unless a tiger ate him. Tigers don't live in South America.

Unless you want people in here, in which case

Unless you want people in here, in which case...

Unless you've got Navy SEALs stuffed in your pants

Until further notice, no more health insurance claims will be accepted.

Until you followed it up with nonplussed.

Using me as your brood sow?

Vague? You heard Commander Kellogg. He said the Horizon is under attack.

Very good, sir.

Voicemail. You know what to do. Oh, for God's sake.

Voicemail. You know what to do. Oh, for God's sake.

Wait a minute, that can't be right.

Wait a minute, was I just bait?

Wait a minute, was that just a lame pre recorded video?

Wait a minute! How are you walking around on ladders?

Wait a minute. Is this a ruse?

Wait a minute. Who calls it Tinseltown? Carol Channing?

Wait a minute. Who calls it Tinseltown? Carol Channing?

Wait for it.

Wait till you see Phase Three.

Wait till you try it, because I'm just kind of winging it here.

Wait, 15?

Wait, can she hear us? Man, I hope not.

Wait, did you say ISIS or ? How did ISIS suddenly get in the mix, is what I'm asking.

Wait, do you want me to be a groomsman? No!

Wait, does this mean you and me Pam!

Wait, doesn't ISIS have a safe house?

Wait, doesn't Italy use a king?

Wait, don't answer yet, because I'm also reassigning you to Siberia.

Wait, first promise you won't take me back to ISIS.

Wait, her vagina? Ow, ow.

Wait, is it gonna kill everybody?

Wait, Lana. Don't Aah!

Wait, Lana. Don't... Aah!

Wait, not why that. Why he's here.

Wait, on foot?

Wait, please tell me you didn't tell her I was temporarily the pirate king.

Wait, please tell me you didn't tell her I was temporarily the pirate king.

Wait, put a pin in what?

Wait, really? And darn if I didn't, literally.

Wait, really? Yes, really!

Wait, seriously? They were Nazis? No.

Wait, shouldn't it be some kind of crab dish, because of the crabs? Like, uh, crab cakes?

Wait, shouldn't it be some kind of crab dish, because of the crabs? Like, uh, crab cakes?

Wait, the phone. Lacrosse?

Wait, the phone. Lacrosse?

Wait, there are animals?

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait, was that the same footage?

Wait, was that the same footage?

Wait, we're sorry. Aren't you guys looking for a new Martian queen?

Wait, what if Lana's been captured too?

Wait, what if Lana's been captured too?

Wait, what is this?

Wait, what the...?

Wait, what? I saved you from a shark, Rip.

Wait, what? Yeah

Wait, what's in this for you?

Wait, where are you guys going?

Wait, who is my supervisor?

Wait, who is my supervisor?

Wait, whoa, whoa, back up. Why did you have a gun?

Wait, why did you say Mars?

Wait, why'd you emphasize "serial"? I did what?

Wait, you're not her husband.

Wait! Let me just get Damn it!

Wait. No, that's not in the budget.

Wait. Now that I think about it, why

Wait. You know craisins, but you don't know tsunami?

Walther PP, chambered for .32 ACP. What's the magazine capacity?

Want some more of my pie, Mr. Archer?

Was that a gunshot?

Was that even a twist off? No.

Watch it, you dumb idiot!

Way to think it through, Dodge.

We are if you'd shut up!

We are like two mermaids, we must swim together.

We are under I say again, we are under

We can't jeopardize the women.

We can't...

We caught up over a glass or two of champagne.

We don't even have your damn car. We steal drift cars.

We don't have a tactical plan. We don't

We don't have enough field agents to effectively run our covert operations...

We don't have time for this.

We don't need to outrun him, just Archer.

We each hunt one of them, and the first to kill his quarry is the winner.

We finish these, get some roadies, head back to my huge penthouse...

We finish these, get some roadies, head back to my huge penthouse...

We get some coveralls and a carpet cleaning van...

We got a situation here.

We got an anonymous tip that Savio Mascalzone was up here.

We gotta move! Come on!

We gotta uncuff him and de dildo him, obviously

We literally handed Calzado to them.

We lure Bucky down here and take him hostage

We lure Bucky down here and take him hostage.

We need Sterling. Where is he?

We need to sneak the body out

We need you in peak physical condition for this great undertaking of ours.

We received another transmission from the Horizon. They can't wait.

We see a hospital wristband on a man's arm, John Doe

We see a hospital wristband on a man's arm, John Doe.

We split the difference, of course.

We stall the pirates until the ISIS rescue team shows up...

We surely count on it, ma'am.

We will launch in 12 hours.

We'd lose the element of surprise, Lana

We'd made plans to meet here...

We'll catch them. I know a shortcut.

We'll catch them. I know a shortcut.

We'll come back for you later.

We'll come back for you later.

We'll do this 20 times... ARCHER: Whoo!

We'll dock here, move forward on foot toward Horizon's bridge

We'll see about that. Gun, give me. No, honey, let's just...

We'll smash the furniture like he was chasing you around all **** y.

We'll use some of the million dollar reward to pay his ransom.

We're going. One, two, three, down, herd. LANA: Oof.

We're gonna die!

We're good. Thank you, Burt.

We're good. Thank you, Burt.

We're leaving. Before this cruddy school burns to the ground.

We're leaving. Before this cruddy school burns to the ground.

We're leaving. Before this quack's office burns to the ground.

We're leaving. Before this quack's office burns to the ground.

We're not burning down my apartment.

We're not gonna die! Stop crying!

We're not on the best of terms.

We're on it. Well, I want an update in one hour!

We're pinned down!

We're scared. We're just tourists. Our car broke down, so

We've been locked in here ever since you idiots took over Horizon.

We've got a few gallons of freshwater, a desalinator for when that runs out.

Weapons on stun. Fast and hard to the bridge.

Weightlessness!

Welcome to the...

Welcome, Mr. Archer...

Well name calling's not gonna get us

Well within them. Malory.

Well, a bunch of automatic weapons, rocket launchers...

Well, again, relative term

Well, and the bronze medal. Prove it.

Well, and you, I guess.

Well, apart from this sullen wench murdering good etiquette Ow!

Well, as you can see, there hasn't been a murder in here. My gosh.

Well, at least he's trying something.

Well, at least he's trying something.

Well, at least one does, because I just heard its spine tingling roar.

Well, Barry can't have you moping around here, you know...

Well, being a spy makes you crazy.

Well, blood loss can make you stupid. Can I please look at your wound?

Well, come on, in this economy?

Well, come on. Give your mom a hug.

Well, congratulations, you ruined it.

Well, doesn't matter. She's rich and she loves me.

Well, don't hog it all.

Well, don't hog it all.

Well, don't just sit there! Shoot!

Well, don't look at me.

Well, don't take this the wrong way, but neither does anyone else.

Well, except for Rip's eye, you got everyone home in one piece.

Well, except for Rip's eye, you got everyone home in one piece.

Well, figurative Yeah, literally.

Well, figurative... Yeah, literally.

Well, for one thing, it's eerily similar to the plot of White Lightning...

Well, give it a minute.

Well, give it some time. Speaking of, how long is this stupid flight?

Well, go ahead and say it. Say what?

Well, good luck fighting a bunch of whatever space pirates without me.

Well, gross, and or, ick. Right?

Well, he's eager, I'll give him that.

Well, he's not staying with me.

Well, he's probably just under a lot of stress...

Well, hello there, game changer.

Well, here. Give me, give me, give it! Ah, ah, ah.

Well, how do you think that makes me feel?

Well, how hard could it be?

Well, I assume he's in New York with those shit bitching ass bastard Archers.

Well, I can understand the latter I mean, who wears bangs?

Well, I can't tell from here. Well, I can, and it's too low.

Well, I didn't invent the ravages of time.

Well, I didn't know that.

Well, I do.

Well, I don't really have a roadmap for my ex finding your robo gina in the sink.

Well, I got a few tricks up my sleeve.

Well, I have to wait until my friend comes back from the powder room.

Well, I have to wait until my friend comes back from the powder room.

Well, I only got to ninth grade!

Well, I should say it is, Calpurnia

Well, I think a more apt analogy would be Moses, but

Well, I wanted to. Me too.

Well, I wanted to. Me too.

Well, I wouldn't say amazing.

Well, I wouldn't say delighted, but I cannot say I miss the bullying.

Well, I'll show him. I'll go find me a 10 year old!

Well, I'll show him. I'll go find me a 10 year old!

Well, I'm sorry, but if anybody ever found out, I would die of shame.

Well, I'm sorry, Ira Flatow.

Well, if we go out, you know, he's just mobbed, so...

Well, it's about time you did something on your own

Well, it's about time you did something on your own.

Well, it's obviously working, you're on a

Well, Janelle, obviously the actual scripture is open to interpretation...

Well, keep at it. Oh, and, hey, did we cross the international date line?

Well, let's put a pin in that.

Well, ma'am, it's just, at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration...

Well, make sure it's a short one.

Well, maybe a limited rampage. No.

Well, maybe those don't.

Well, Mother, go ahead and say it.

Well, no, Miss Gillette's on her own. Still...

Well, no, Miss Gillette's on her own. Still...

Well, normally you would, but by our doctors.

Well, not me personally, I... Why would you do that?

Well, now they're droopier.

Well, obviously I hope that.

Well, obviously they're related.

Well, on, technically. Either way, you're welcome.

Well, only if by "helped" you mean...

Well, Rip, why don't we just look around for some fuel in this cell...

Well, Rip, why don't we just look around for some fuel in this cell...

Well, say what you will about him... I did.

Well, serves you right for

Well, technically, it's a zentai. What?

Well, thank God you did.

Well, that can be arranged. Lana?

Well, that's flattering ish.

Well, that's just great. Everybody gets laid in the holler but me.

Well, the love of my life, this smoking hot woman...

Well, the whole thing's pretty odd.

Well, the whole thing's pretty odd.

Well, then I feel even worse, because I'm probably gonna puke it up in about five

Well, then open wide. RANDY: Okay!

Well, then you are a fool.

Well, then you're obviously an idiot when it comes to crocodiles...

Well, to be honest, until recently, the sex has been pretty phenomenal.

Well, try.

Well, uh, tell them hands down.

Well, under something.

Well, unless it was the creepy old people bondage sex police. .

Well, unless we need someone to go undercover as a shopping cart.

Well, we could eat a big bowl of hepatitises A through E.

Well, we don't know it was the the Aah!

Well, we got here as fast as we could.

Well, we're calling them "involuntary laborers."

Well, what if I told you I had a way to beat any drug test in the world?

Well, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of shitty.

Well, where the hell did he go? I don't know, it's like he just...

Well, y'all do live in New York City. Just New York.

Well, yes, but But nothing!

Well, yes, obviously.

Well, yes, of course, but But never in public, right?

Well, you ain't gonna be much help with your legs blown off.

Well, you definitely nailed it. I mean, if this doesn't just scream "romance."

Well, you did used to pick on me a bunch. Well, I'm sorry.

Well, you got a better plan?

Well, you inspire him. With all those medals on that powerful chest.

Well, you lost me there, thankfully, but Give me that!

Well, you say that, but

Well, you say that, but I worry that you think I'm exaggerating when I say

Well, your mother sure as hell does!

Well? And third of all, wrong thing.

Well? Why you look so nonplussed?

Were you gonna say "lousy with them"? I was, but then I realized that's, uh

Were you gonna say "lousy with them"? I was, but then I realized that's, uh...

Were you gonna say happy birthday? Don't bother. Happy birthday to me.

Were you gonna say, "Unless he's been skimming cash...

Wha ? Excuse me, I didn't even go.

Wha ? Finally, a non idiotic greeting.

Wha ? No, they don't use a king.

Wha...? Excuse me, I didn't even go.

What ? But almost always.

What ? How? I did a TV series here called Hawk.

What ? What in the ? Janelle? Janelle!

What a dick.

What a hunk. Total sploosh.

What about me? Yeah, and me?

What about me? Yeah, and me?

What about this Sunday?

What about this Sunday?

What are they doing? Fighting a war on the war on drugs?

What are we doing? I shouldn't even be in here. And neither should you, Pam.

What are you doing here? Did you not hear my outgoing voicemail?

What are you doing here? I'm kicking it with

What are you doing here? I'm kicking it with...

What are you doing with it?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Nothing!

What are you looking at, sucker?

What are you talking about? Self defense. It's your only shot.

What are you talking about? The reward is a million dollars!

What are you, insane? "Hey y'all, here's my great big old black wife!"

What are you, the first mate, or ? Oh, God. Oh, well, thanks.

What brings you back up the holler?

What did I just put inside me?

What did you say? Nothing.

What do you mean "don't move"? I came to help you, asshole!

What do you mean you g ? Oh, shit!

What do you mean you g...? Oh, shit!

What do you mean, a cyber attack?

What do you mean, how? Mr. Ar

What do you mean, Lana hasn't called?

What do you suggest? White vinegar, mineral oil, and elbow grease.

What do you want, a business card?

What else is in the armory?

What happened? Can you walk us through the crime?

What I do need is some fricking crab shampoo!

What I do need is some fricking crab shampoo!

What I don't have, is all day.

What I don't have, is all day.

What if it was PARC'? Or the ELN?

What image? Sky captain of yesteryear!

What is ? What am I seeing?

What is going on with you?

What is important is that Randy gave me a Bible lesson.

What is it with serial killers and skin? I'm not a...

What is that? Who's got beer?

What is the deal with all the enemas? Uh...

What is this, Christmas?

What is this? A crock of shit.

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?!

What is wrong with you?!

What is your problem with the Irish?

What kind of ass would be late for his own birthday dinner?

What kind of clues? The kind I'm gonna show you...

What money? Oh, really? You sure? Because all I need to do is just

What money? Oh, really? You sure? Because all I need to do is just...

What part of "five speed Schwinn Sting Ray" are you not getting?

What possible reason could there be to subject human beings to

What she implied was that we're jealous of Archer...

What the ? COMPUTER : Security breach, Pod 6.

What the ? What in the holy hell are you doing now?

What the ? What the holy ? What in holy hell are you doing?

What the hell DRAKE: ls going on in here?

What the hell am I supposed to wear? Uh... Oh, maybe this will work.

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell are you wearing?

What the hell are you wearing?

What the hell did you put in the sink?

What the hell is your problem?

What the hell is your problem?

What the hell, damn guy?

What the hell? ls wrong with me?

What the shit, Lana? I told you I was gonna do it.

What then? Burn the apartment down?

What was I saying? Oh, yes, unparalleled

What was that? What did you say? Tony, stop.

What was this man's crime? Well, I wouldn't call speaking out...

What with our work schedules and...

What year do you think this is?

What, are you crazy? What's not to Oh.

What, by the dead woman standing here? Dressed like a whore.

What, here? Why didn't you say so? Ow.

What, how is this my fault?

What, they're always whining about needing more money for their boondocks.

What, was that Peter Lawford's?

What, were they having sex? Think so, yeah.

What, you finally nailed "YYZ"?

What, you thought you'd just show up out of the blue and we'd move in together?

What?

What?

What?

What? Are you

What? Cease fire! Hold your fire!

What? Come on, you were pushing rope!

What? Come on.

What? Come on. Maybe next time, sorry.

What? Doggies.

What? Go left, dumbass.

What? How are we gonna get back to Earth?

What? How do you know about that?

What? Jeezy Petes!

What? Krieger! Yeah, but, the savings.

What? Lana!

What? Mother, calm I'm on my way.

What? My God, do you want me to get the electric chair?

What? No, that's a wetsuit!

What? No. You guys aren't gonna believe what happened.

What? Nothing.

What? Nothing. What? Nothing.

What? Oh, for heaven's sake. Yeah. Right here in the living room.

What? Oh, for shit's sake! Really?

What? Oh, just lifting a thousand pounds like it's an apple, no big deal.

What? Over my dead body you're running away to be a pirate.

What? Pam!

What? Si, so sleep well, amigos.

What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my plan working

What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my plan working.

What? Sterling...

What? That just sounds considerate.

What? That's awesome.

What? That's my team. Archer.

What? That's my team. Archer.

What? There's already not enough sauce.

What? U.S. or imperial?

What? U.S. Or imperial?

What? Wait, what's wrong with the sofa we already have?

What? What "what"? What are you talking about?

What? What are you talking about?

What? What is wrong with you? And where are the other two ?

What? What.

What? Why?

What? Yes, obviously I heard what you said.

What? Yes?

What? You should've looked under the stalls.

What...? How? I did a TV series here called Hawk.

What's a "klick"? Ugh.

What's a "La Sombra"?

What's awful is I almost punched you. Heh, heh. No, you didn't.

What's awful is I almost punched you. Heh, heh. No, you didn't.

What's his new, awful thing?

What's in here? Bathroom?

What's more insane? Suffering through famine, war, disease on a dying Earth...

What's more romantic than a dildo party slash murder?

What's odd is you wanting to date my mother.

What's odd is you wanting to date my mother.

What's that? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of the

What's that? You want me inside you?

What's the hurry? We're all gonna die up here anyway.

What's the word I'm looking for?

What's up? That was, uh... My, uh...

What's your blood type? Heh. How would I know?

What's your blood type? Heh. How would I know?

What's your poison?

What's your poison?

Whatever

Whatever, I don't know why I thought he could help save my farm

Whatever, is gonna be murdered by your hometown's crooked sheriff?

Whatever, yes, I call them cran baisins.

Whatever.

Whatever.

Whatever. Call it her can't, me won't.

Whatever. Either way, I'm done talking.

Whatever. If you're doing it just to get on my nerves, okay, I get it.

Whatever. If you're doing it just to get on my nerves, okay, I get it.

Whatever's gotten into you, Calpurnia?

When we reach the bridge, we'll retake control of Horizon.

When you fainted like a schoolgirl.

When you fainted like a schoolgirl.

When's the wedding? When's the wedding?

Where are you going?

Where are you going? How should I know?

Where did we land on the coveralls thing?

Where do you think he got a bag full of assault weapons?

Where do you think you're going? Uh, this place called to kill Barry.

Where does Malory get off implying that we didn't do our best?

Where is your new bicycle?

Where that phrase comes from? Yeah.

Where that phrase comes from? Yeah.

Where the heck is sh ?

Where they don't have telephones to ever call my mother again ever?

Where they don't have telephones to ever call my mother again ever?

Where we are right now, in 24 hours. And you better be here!

Which apparently, yes, you did say the word "pirate," followed by the word

Which brings me to item one.

Which ended with a dead hooker in my trunk.

Which hopefully, over time, will eventually drive Archer insane.

Which I assume is not only hot but also moist.

Which I bet will crash. Yeah.

Which I can't even do, y'all.

Which I'm sure would provide him with some much needed closure...

Which is exciting. Never had one. Mm hm. Then I'm gonna knock you out.

Which is exciting. Never had one. Mm hm. Then I'm gonna knock you out.

Which is funny why? Gee, where do I start?

Which is obviously a relative term, but Uh, what are you doing?

Which is ridiculous, given the current economy.

Which is totally not cool!

Which is totally not cool!

Which is what? What's the bright side?

Which is why it's got knockout gas and a garrote and I think even a laser.

Which is why now you're all sticky.

Which is?

Which makes you look ridiculous. And which

Which reminds me, we need to talk about other, uh, internal

Which reminds me.

Which this idiot shot to pieces...

Which turns out to be kind of a panty dropper.

Which was full of people and spotless.

Which we didn't have!

Which we only have an hour to get to, so And I figured once I found you...

Which will be hard to explain.

Which would have been us. As the hostages.

Which would mean Mother's been banging him once a year for like 35 years...

Which you lost! Bronze medal is not losing!

Which you're floating on, and not getting shit out of a shark in.

Which, again, vibrates. Later, tater.

Which, I'm sorry for that.

Which, if I gave it any real thought, would probably explain a lot.

Which, obviously, pretty vague.

While Other Barry and I are in her other special place.

While they made us fold those pointy goddamn paper birds.

While you were in bed with my wife! Our marriage was never consummated!

Whistling bitch. Right then. That snoopy detective is gone...

White? You guys like smooth R&B?

Who am I, 16th century female Irish pirate Gréinne O'Malley?

Who are you, Horace Greeley? And also, was I not clear about that?

Who cares? Seriously?

Who doesn't want to be found.

Who hunts dogs?

Who knows with you? You're crazy.

Who knows? It's Malory. You really wanna know why she killed a guy?

Who knows? ODIN, the KGB... Actually

Who may have been my son's father.

Who plays 36 holes of golf on the first day of his honeymoon?

Who speaks English? Let me see some hands.

Who the hell are you?!

Who the hell could have done this?

Who wants chicken and waffles?

Who, Barry? LANA: What?

Who, me?

Who, the drug lord who hunts humans for sport?

Who? Him?

Who's playing? LANA: Archer.

Who's that, his brother?

Whoa, you kiss your motherboard with that mouth?

Whoa!

Whoa! Uh uh. Nope. Lana.

Whoa. Now it's officially a chase. Hooray!

Whoa. Now it's officially a chase. Hooray!

Whoa. Wow, Pam, you're actually pretty badass at this.

Whoo hoo hoo hoo!

Whoo hoo hoo!

Whoo hoo hoo!

Whoo! I'm Pacman Jones! Come home with me.

Whoo! Oh.

Whoo! Okay, good luck.

Whoo! Ugh. Yeah, I'm pretty furious about not getting to bang Janelle.

Whoo! Yeah! Darling, I can explain!

Whose fiancee was murdered in front of his very eyes.

Whose idea was that? Ahem. Dave's.

Why am I in a, whatever, dune buggy?

Why are you asking rhetorical questions?

Why are you asking rhetorical questions?

Why are you just telling me about it now? Because.

Why are you just telling me about it now? Because.

Why are you torturing her like that?

Why are you torturing her like that?

Why aren't you out in your new car? Because Woodhouse is detailing it.

Why do I always forget that?

Why do you even ? Never mind, I don't even wanna know.

Why do you even bother...

Why do you have an erection?

Why does this chair have no seat?

Why does this underling speak to me?

Why in the world would you think that I, a peace officer sworn to uphold the law...

Why is it skin colored? Well, it's not if you're black.

Why is it that every time I need to use the restroom...

Why is nobody else wearing a T shirt under their suit?

Why is that odd? Because you're you, and she's

Why is that odd? Because you're you, and she's...

Why is this man in the restricted area?

Why just me? What's happening Sunday?

Why just me? What's happening Sunday?

Why not?

Why not? It's full of, ugh, garbage and shit.

Why not? She's been coming to your rescue since you were in short pants.

Why not? She's been coming to your rescue since you were in short pants.

Why not? You were gonna marry her before. Before she wasn't a cyborg.

Why the hell would he do that?

Why would I lie? Either way we're going to kill you.

Why would it be? It's not. I just need to move a little money around.

Why would it be? It's not. I just need to move a little money around.

Why, what did she say?

Why, what happened?

Why, what's ? What is going on here?

Why, yes, and you're...? Your Majesty.

Why! In the sink...

Why? And the fort.

Why? Ha, ha. Darling, it was dirty.

Why? I'll tell you exactly why. Before I kill you

Will I get the operation now, Da? No, son.

Will you come visit me?

Will you please drive straight?!

Will you please drive straight?!

Will you shut up!

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

With Burt Reynolds. We're watching Gator.

With gas. Oh, shit.

With gas. Oh.

With his millions in cash.

With what, slide rules and Tang?

Without exposure to a light source, they'll slowly lose power.

WOMAN : The voice mailbox of...

WOMAN: ...is full. Goodbye. ARCHER: Idiot. Ha ha ha.

Won't he?

Wonder if Fudgie The Whale will be there. Or Cookie Puss. Heh, heh.

Woodhouse, Burt Reynolds. Burt, Woodhouse.

Woodhouse, Burt Reynolds. Burt, Woodhouse.

Woodhouse, can I see that can for a sec? No, sir.

Woodhouse, you sneaky old fiend.

Woodhouse! I shall fetch a cucumber.

Woodhouse! I shall fetch a cucumber.

Would you calm the hell down? I am calm! I'm also out of here.

Would you go?! I can't yet!

Would you go?! I can't yet!

Would you say we'd be venturing into a zone of danger?

Would you stop? They look pretty bad, sir.

Wouldn't be the first time.

Wouldn't be the first time.

Wow, amazing, you can play "YYZ."

Wow, dodged a bullet there, huh?

Wow, if the 5 year old me knew that, he would get a huge boner.

Wow, ISIS has really gone downhill. But there must be some good agents.

Wow, not afraid to dump out your purse in the jungle, huh?

Wow, so how much did Dodge kick in?

Wow. Right?

Wow. Way more than I thought.

WW. what happened?

Y'all drive safe now, hear?

Y'all just assumed I was!

Yeah, and it's 300 a bottle. I Which I haven't even tasted yet...

Yeah, as opposed to the Doublemint Twins.

Yeah, as opposed to the Doublemint Twins.

Yeah, because then I could just puke up a key.

Yeah, because then I could just puke up a key.

Yeah, been there. No picnic.

Yeah, besides that.

Yeah, but That's actually a really good point.

Yeah, but it's hard.

Yeah, but she says he took off after he Here, you tell her.

Yeah, but you could still throw it down the Whatever, the same shaft.

Yeah, but you could still throw it down the... Whatever, the same shaft.

Yeah, but you have to promise that all that horrific stuff...

Yeah, caltrops. Try, maybe, area denial weapons.Com.

Yeah, can Cyril die after shutting down the tractor beam, or...?

Yeah, crazy rich. She invented the splashless urinal cake

Yeah, Cyril crashed the damn thing.

Yeah, do that, take that tone. But I swear, I didn't shoot him.

Yeah, duh, right? He wouldn't dare steal from me.

Yeah, he actually kind of is.

Yeah, he actually kind of is.

Yeah, he never calls, he never writes...

Yeah, hey, me either, vis é vis Mother.

Yeah, hi, it's me, Spacebot.

Yeah, how are you gonna

Yeah, I do. Yeah. That's why I'm here

Yeah, I mean, you wouldn't want to be walking around like a dickhead...

Yeah, I think I got So where the hell's your damn pants?

Yeah, I think that totally works. Stole them from the gift shop.

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna be sick.

Yeah, I'm like a magnet.

Yeah, if Old Yeller had a big stack of KGB codebooks...

Yeah, it's Algonquin for "blood sport"?

Yeah, it's Algonquin for "blood sport"?

Yeah, Lana. Wha ?

Yeah, laugh it up, Burt. I am.

Yeah, laugh it up, Burt. I am.

Yeah, laugh it up, Lana. I am.

Yeah, laugh it up, Lana. I am.

Yeah, laugh it up. I am.

Yeah, laugh it up. I am.

Yeah, like Kenny Rogers' Roosters. Roasters! Randy, wait!

Yeah, making it wildly impractical. Got it.

Yeah, man. Flick her titty.

Yeah, no, the shuttle, it's

Yeah, no, you can breathe easy. Actually, I can barely breathe at all.

Yeah, now.

Yeah, now.

Yeah, okay, damn guy.

Yeah, or you could skip a step and feed me some vomit.

Yeah, quit being a dick for five seconds and unlock the door.

Yeah, right?

Yeah, so that safety is tricky, huh?

Yeah, so you wanna move on to why?

Yeah, so, uh, about that, I mean, don't you think that's gonna be kind of...

Yeah, speaking of forgetting, couple things. One, these aren't my friends.

Yeah, speaking of forgetting, couple things. One, these aren't my friends.

Yeah, that seems kind of few.

Yeah, that seems kind of few.

Yeah, that's me, Mr. Selfish.

Yeah, that's not a thing. If and when that becomes a thing!

Yeah, that's not a thing. If and when that becomes a thing!

Yeah, that's what I'm And Katya...

Yeah, there are a lot of them.

Yeah, they got old Ray this time. BUCKY: Unh! Unh! Unh!

Yeah, this new thing called intelligence gathering.

Yeah, walk that off while I kill your girlfriend again.

Yeah, way to bury the lede.

Yeah, well, here's shit in your eye.

Yeah, what does that mean, anyway?

Yeah, when was, uh...?

Yeah, where are we with the chalice?

Yeah, where are we with the chalice?

Yeah, yeah. Well I thought you were great.

Yeah, yeah. Well... I thought you were great.

Yeah, you do that...

Yeah, you heard of me? Right? Well, just from your

Yeah, you heard of me? Right? Well, just from your...

Yeah, you really got cornholed, huh?

Yeah! Right in the head and ass.

Yeah! Right in the head and ass.

Yeah? And what did the Bible say?

Yeah? Any particular reason? Uh, it's full of shit?

Yeah? You like physical humor?

Yeah? You like physical humor?

Yeah.

Yeah. And, hey, we're not doomed. Look.

Yeah. I bet you feel like a dick.

Yeah. So guess what I'm in? Um...

Yeah. So guess what I'm in? Um...

Yeah. So I figure three days for ISIS to get a rescue team out here.

Yeah. Who built this door, space dwarves?

Yeah. Yeah, it's just a big old goddamn fairy tale.

Yeah. Yeah, it's just a big old goddamn fairy tale.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yee... Oh, no!

Yee... Oh, no!

YEP

Yep, yep, Yep

Yep.

Yep. Plus the one in her arm. Heh heh.

Yes and no. Respectively?

Yes, a "whordiot."

Yes, and then you ran away from home to, ugh, grief bang the entire Pacific Rim.

Yes, Archer, duh. And if you're done doing each other's hair, let's

Yes, but I have to warn you...

Yes, exotic animals for me to hunt.

Yes, I did. ARCHER: Me too.

Yes, I know dear, I was there.

Yes, I know.

Yes, I will! No, you won't. I've seen you drive.

Yes, I will! No, you won't. I've seen you drive.

Yes, it is, Bionic Barry. Yes, it is.

Yes, it's the quarterly fire drill.

Yes, Krieger

Yes, my ass is everywhere.

Yes, no, yes. Yes.

Yes, she's strong. Good breeding stock.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, you can quickly and quietly walk down to the dock and board my seaplane.

Yes! Please don't do this.

Yes! Right here! ARCHER: Mother!

Yes! You are an asshole about all things.

Yes.

Yes. Oh. Couple things. A, he's invisible.

Yes. Randy. Which I probably should've mentioned earlier.

Yes. Well? What is it?

Yes. Yes, both Barrys promised.

Yes. Yes, you are.

Yet you're surprisingly unclear on the phrase "quickly and quietly."

Yikes. Is my answer to your favor.

You Wait a minute, why am I thinking you live in, like, Russia?

You absolutely may not.

You almost got me and my friends killed!

You almost got shot in the face.

You almost got shot in the face.

You almost got shot in the face.

You already had the chair!

You are such an asshole!

You are such an asshole!

You are, how do you say it? To push a rope?

You better be.

You better get your ass in that house.

You broke my freaking nose! What's that?

You broke my freaking nose! What's that?

You came. Phrasing, boom! Heh.

You can kiss three fifths of my ass.

You come try. I gotta choke down this gag reflex.

You could all learn from him.

You did not. You were going to spray me in the eyes.

You did. You got those two guys, who were just minding their own business.

You do it.

You do. You just pretend you don't because you're afraid of

You do. You just pretend you don't because you're afraid of...

You don't give them the money. You can't. They'll blow it on crack.

You don't know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them.

You don't know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them.

You don't need a smug "I told you so" from me.

You don't need a spreadsheet for that.

You don't think Burt's ashamed to be seen with me?

You don't think I could rock this?

You don't think of pirates as having a lot of rules...

You don't wanna know.

You don't want that either.

You drank too much! That's a thing?

You get a 30 minute head start.

You got a better idea?

You got another one in you? Answer me.

You got me. Well, that's just super.

You got me. Well, that's just super.

You gotta wait till later, maybe after supper. Remember: No kissing.

You had to make it look good? Well, and also annoy you.

You have to not date my mother. Can't do it.

You have to not date my mother. Can't do it.

You heard him, get this door open.

You hunt them? How can you do that? CALZADO: Like this.

You idiot, just reset the

You just called me an idiot for that. Your version didn't have coveralls.

You just destroyed Alderaan.

You just leave that to me, amigo.

You just single handedly doomed mankind!

You keep dating my mother, yeah, got it.

You keep dating my mother, yeah, got it.

You know I grew up on a farm, right?

You know my name? Sterling!

You know what "license to kill" means?

You know what "license to kill" means?

You know what, just for that...

You know what? Yes. Here's what we do.

You know what? Yes. Here's what we do.

You know, I'm not like that ARCHER: No, hey, come on, don't do that.

You know, it's probably not the worst idea in the world to have...

You know, we are on a rescue mission. GILLETTE: Ugh.

You know, you don't actually suck at this. Really?

You look at these and tell me they're not perfect!

You lucky I didn't kill you. You're lucky I didn't kill you!

You lying ass bitch!

You lying little I never said I was paralyzed!

You lying, pathetic, little piece of... Ooh.

You mean besides Cyril getting captured? Besides that.

You mean besides not being on our side in World War ll?

You mean vice versa? Shut up.

You mean, spoon him as in like ? Oh, uh, right.

You mean, spoon him as in like...? Oh, uh, right.

You murdered a banker?

You okay? No, I'm not o Oh, my God.

You okay? No, I'm not o... Oh, my God.

You only see your mother as your mother. But she's also a person.

You only see your mother as your mother. But she's also a person.

You pay La Sombra 64 cents on every dollar you make, no?

You probably wanna play that a lot softer with a jury

You race drift cars?

You realize this is kidnapping. I do, yes.

You really think he'd do that? ARCHER: Yes, really.

You remember to check your 6. My six what?

You say that all the time. I never know what you're talking about.

You should be. That was totally irresponsible

You should be. That was totally irresponsible.

You should get a Bat Pole.

You should get a Bat Pole.

You shouldn't even be able to put the car in gear with the bar open.

You son of bitch, you actually think you'll get away with this?

You still partial to fried chicken?

You stole my bike?

You sure? Shut up. I hit broil instead of bake.

You talk louder, maybe they'll come to us.

You think a bank wants to own a failing dairy farm with obsolete milkers?

You think space exploration is a boondoggle?

You think you can outdrive me?

You think you can outdrive me?

You trying to get my mother into the Million Mile High Club?

You two owe me an apology.

You used panty vending sons of bitches.

You wanna finish this?

You wanna try and make me, Rip? No, I don't.

You were an ISIS agent? Briefly, way back.

You were gonna screw her! Yeah, so? Is that still on, or...?

You were in the Army? Oh, who remembers?

You were in the Army? Oh, who remembers?

You were only invited to round out the numbers.

You were saying? To the wet towel wielding survivor...

You what? I know, I'm sorry, I

You what? I know, I'm sorry, I...

You will always have a special place in my...

You will never make it to the helicopter. My men will cut you down like dogs

You will never make it to the helicopter. My men will cut you down like dogs.

You will not. Mainly because you've got bigger things to worry about.

You will not. Mainly because you've got bigger things to worry about.

You will wake up in three separate 50 gallon drums.

You would at least have the heart to go tell her you're quitting in person.

You! Malory, wait, I can

You! Malory, wait, I can...

You? Look at them. They're furious.

You. Krieger.

You. What'd you do with Jeannie?

You'd be much more comfortable in my quarters.

You'd better start, because a lot of this junk is yours. Now get to work.

You'd better.

You'll never catch them.

You'll never catch them.

You'll probably die in prison. Oh.

You'll wake up in a mental hospital with total amnesia, under someone else's name.

You'll wake up in a mental hospital with total amnesia, under someone else's name.

You're a baby. And astronaut training sucks complete ass. Literally.

You're already an ass

You're Burt Reynolds. Yes, I am.

You're Burt Reynolds. Yes, I am.

You're disgusting. What kind of a lesson would that be?

You're gonna die.

You're kidding me. It drives me nuts.

You're kidding me. It drives me nuts.

You're kidding.

You're looking for Predator, aren't you?

You're no spring chicken yourself.

You're not gonna make that movie. Oh, I absolutely am.

You're not gonna make that movie. Oh, I absolutely am.

You're not my dad!

You're not my friend. You're a Decepticon. CHERYL: Aah!

You're not my supervisor!

You're not my supervisor!

You're not rolling him up in one of my rugs.

You're saying the fact that your gun has recently been fired is

You're screwing him, aren't you? What? Yes.

You're so hot for him, I could reheat this chili in your cooch.

You're supposed to fire!

You're taking me out of the field?

You're the new captain. BOTH: The what?

You're thinking tactically, making quick decisions, and I gotta tell you...

You're welcome, Cyril. So learn any valuable lessons today?

Your exact words, Pam.

Your exact words, Pam.

Your Majesty.

Your mother rich lady.

Your Pimm's Cup, sir.

Your Pimm's Cup, sir.

Your point being? Well, it's just that, for the third year running...

Your what? My never mind.

Your wife is a very lucky Oh. I'm a widower.

Zentai. And of course not, you ass.

80... Yeah?

...but there's a lot of weird sexual tension. Ha!

"KillArcherDie." No. Um...

Aah! Unh...

And especially nobody from ISIS. Okay.

And we were working all these late nights.

Because nobody is coming for you, Burt.

Because nobody is coming for you, Burt.

But personal, professional, all that stuff that makes a person who they are.

But personal, professional, all that stuff that makes a person who they are.

Don't you wanna help your friends? I don't care about them.

Excellence.

He's already a quart low, so...

He's already a quart low, so...

He's been here voluntarily! Partying his ass off as king of the pirates!

He's been here voluntarily! Partying his ass off as king of the pirates!

Hell is that?

Hey, guys? Zip it, nerds!

Hey! Shut up!

I can't trust anyone at the I.S.A. which is why I came to ISIS.

I will never, ever forgive you, and we will never, ever be friends again.

I will never, ever forgive you, and we will never, ever be friends again.

I... Wait.

I'm fine. Check on Ray. Yeah, he is not looking good.

Jesus. How's that?

Knocks him out... Archer knocks out Burt Reynolds?

Krieger, brakes! I am!

Lana, no. Oh, my God.

Lana, no. Oh...

Lana! Archer!

Oh, my God. So, what about his car? Jeannie.

Oh, shit. Damn it.

People standing around for?

Pirates, line two. Wha...? Well, put them through.

Professional

Really super strong?

Right in the same ear! Ha! Good. Serves you right.

Thank you. Oh, shut up.

Then can we please get out of here? Absolutely.

There's no sense in us both getting ****d.

This Cuban hit squad is no joke. If I were you, I'd lay low in the safe house...

This Cuban hit squad is no joke. If I were you, I'd lay low in the safe house...

to Commander Drake. Tony, the crew has

Today, please! Unh!

Tonight I will be attending a movie premiere with Burt Reynolds.

Tonight I will be attending a movie premiere with Burt Reynolds.

Uh, heh... Yoo hoo!

Versus the Archers of Loafcrosse.

Versus the Archers of Loafcrosse.

We're going. One, two, three, down, herd. Oof.

We're going. One, two, three, down, herd. Oof.

What, Lana? I...

Which allows us to achieve weightlessness for about 30 seconds.

Who's playing? Archer.

Whoa! Oh, God!

Yeah, they got old Ray this time. Unh! Unh! Unh!

You know what your problem is? My pants are wet?

You really think he'd do that? Yes, really.

. .you've gotta be happy that she's happy.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

..."serial" killer.

..."The Bionic Douche Bag" Dillon is running the KGB?

...a small group of brave colonists can terraform Mars.

...a.k.a. the world's most deadliest predators.

...against the rebirth of fascism a crime.

...all I care about is what I see when I look into those big green...

...and a top speed of 185.

...and as in let them claw their monster y way out of our vagina.

...and B, you and Carol aren't really married.

...and eat a big goddamn jungly dick!

...and fif Forty thousand bucks in a floor safe.

...and find out if I am his real father.

...and finds out who he really is, so she helps him escape.

...and finds out who he really is, so she helps him escape.

...and he and Kellogg are the only ones who can fly it.

...and heading back to Tinseltown.

...and heading back to Tinseltown.

...and hopefully also from what was hands down the most incredible sex...

...and I am the only man alive who can lead us there.

...and I certainly don't want her and Sterling back together!

...and I still don't know who stole my fricking...

...and I'll just wait here for a bask of Orinoco crocodiles to wander by and eat me.

...and in all the excitement, I lose track myself. Ah.

...and in all the excitement, I lose track myself. Ah.

...and it just so happens, Rip Riley here can fly it.

...and it just so happens, Rip Riley here can fly it.

...and it's guaranteed to rid your body of all traces of any illicit substance.

...and just walk him right out the front door.

...and now you, this traitorous cyborg...

...and Ray's been faking that he's paralyzed?

...and screw our brains out on a huge pile of marijuana.

...and see her not just as your mother...

...and see her not just as your mother...

...and some guy with a beard. Jesus Christ!

...and steal Jeannie back. Sounds dangerous, sir.

...and tell her that even if you did find that other guy, he's never coming back to ISIS.

...and that you're still attracted to him.

...and the details of every single KGB operation on the globe in his fat, combed over head.

...and the whole time she's been holding a grudge, right?

...and then gut you like a fish.

...and then I'm screwed, because I don't have

...and then I'm screwed, because I don't have...

...and this chocolate terrine looks insane.

...and this is Ray's brother. What's more important than family?

...and try to figure out...

...and used to slit an anthropologist's bird like throat.

...and used to slit an anthropologist's bird like throat.

...and we'd spend a romantic weekend together.

...and when he does, it'll be no thanks to you people...

...and you dicks turning me into a cyborg, I'm kind of amazed I'm even this sane.

...and you don't need more dudes on Mars Archer!

...and you remember to check your 6.

...and zero reasons not to.

...and, Krieger! Today?

...anti pursuit countermeasures in the rear.

...AR 15s, maybe grenades. Oh, dogs! Duh.

...are sitting at my desk?

...as fresh water becomes scarcer than gold.

...as he does into those idiot voicemails...

...as my hot meatball sub congeals into a big, fat, disappointing blob of shit.

...asset acquisition, enemy agent disposal.

...at about 20 knots. So a ship must have picked them up.

...at his own wake! Oh, that.

...at no small expense to myself.

...Barry and I are the same.

...beat some sense into Archer's head and ass.

...beat some sense into Archer's head and ass.

...because I plan to be seeing a lot of her

...because I plan to be seeing a lot of her.

...because I was saving it for a special occasion...

...because I will also be in New York.

...because I'm gonna have to, uh, heh, bust you in the face a couple times.

...because it'll be in the ISIS bank account.

...because this anonymous tip said Mascalzone was dead up here.

...because this stupid building is a tinderbox and I will burn it to the ground.

...befitting a gift from my grandfather. Who's dead.

...before you were gallivanting around Europe!

...bet. Goddamn it.

...bet. Goddamn it.

...boards the ship, takes them all out. Bing, bang, boom.

...broken men shuffle like zombies.

...broken men shuffle like zombies.

...bulletproof body panels and windows...

...business concerns. No, just back for a visit.

...but as a person, a real person, you can't grow up.

...but as a person, a real person, you can't grow up.

...but before I gave you CPR and bandaged your head.

...but could you at least be happy for me? Because I have finally found a soul mate.

...but even my voice mail pranks aren't that elaborate.

...but he can't possibly outrun Calzado. Yeah, neither can we, so...

...but I am not, repeat not, chopping up a dead body.

...but I kind of wanna have sex with you. Is that all right?

...but I pictured you having nicer apartment.

...but I promised Ray we'd cover for him, so

...but I'm kind of wondering how you're gonna be an effective field agent.

...but I'm kind of wondering how you're gonna be an effective field agent.

...but now it's either roll over for that sheriff like a dog or fight.

...but the blond genie woman who lives inside you that talks.

...but the regular room service guy, he died, so I came in here and then I fell on the bed.

...but the telex from the Siberia desk says Jakov never showed up.

...but there's a lot of weird sexual tension. LANA: Ha!

...but they do and that's a big one.

...but what I took away from it...

...but you finally topped your 10th grade sports banquet.

...but you were... Where was it? Physical therapy.

...but you're not nearly as stupid as you look. Okay.

...but, you know, not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs.

...by becoming a pirate king!

...by becoming a pirate king!

...can forget about the South Pacific lacrosse championships!

...can forget about the South Pacific lacrosse championships!

...complicated.

...confidence is pretty damn sexy. Really?

...Danger Zone.

...Deliverance, the Smokeys, White Lightning, obviously Gator.

...Deliverance, the Smokeys, White Lightning, obviously Gator.

...did those dastardly dagos kill him and then dress him up like a big giant penis, or ?

...don't you have, like, a priest outfit or...?

...drink chilled champagne served by my valet

...drink chilled champagne served by my valet...

...especially since this one went and got himself paralyzed.

...falling for that, you big liar.

...falling for that, you big liar.

...fight them off.

...for a few days until we work out a plan to neutralize them.

...for a few days until we work out a plan to neutralize them.

...for somebody named "La Sombra." La sombre. The Shade?

...for the solution to mankind's problems.

...for the work I do all year keeping up the building.

...from Frank. Sinatra!

...from his operations accounts all these years"?

...half drunk and having amazing sex.

...how's about we figure out a way to get that body out of the apartment?

...I called in someone who can.

...I come to him as an elder of the church, but he wouldn't give it up.

...I completely understand. And you need to deal with that.

...I don't eat all those fat, delicious childrens.

...I don't know, working?

...I don't like surprises?

...I guess. Yes.

...I may have with Nikolai, he's an invaluable asset and we have to protect him.

...I think I remember about you is just false memories.

...I will do something really bad.

...I will do something really bad.

...I'd have eight nickels.

...I'll get that little pleasure boat looking Bristol!

...I'm gonna give them all an EP credit.

...I'm gonna give them all an EP credit.

...I've decided take you with us.

...if you're not too busy shutting up to come on.

...in the God knows if it's even the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

...in what better not be my night vision goggles?

...into seven different trash cans in three different boroughs.

...is a guy in a full body latex catsuit.

...is in his ass?

...is that we should go in the barn...

...is that why you never come back to visit?

...is to increase tax revenue, through, um...

...is your vagina?

...it'll look like a big smiley face. CHERYL: Ha ha ha!

...just died.

...like in France. Oh, right, in Europe.

...living?

...mustache rides around here, buster!

...mustache rides around here, buster!

...my lovely lady, needs to go with Pam now...

...none of us were even lowly trained to be astronauts.

...normal bodily waste excretion.

...nurses in crisp white uniforms...

...nurses in crisp white uniforms...

...of 15 years of boarding school locker rooms?

...of Pam's hot, dirty, ball slappiney

...of the gay man as a collegiate cheerleader

...of the gay man as a collegiate cheerleader.

...on the case. Well I want some answers, and soon.

...on the off chance you might want to bang me?

...one being, this ship can't actually do that...

...or creating a utopia on Mars?

...or else him and his boys'll just take it and grind me up into fertilizer.

...oversaw the design of the world's most insanely kick ass spy car.

...paying homeless men to fight is shocking?

...people like me. Who, whores?

...Ray's new wife. What?

...remember, things are not always what they appear.

...rich Corinthian leather.

...right at dick level. Jeezy Petes.

...run! We're having a wedding in a few short minutes!

...satellite communications, hi fi stereo...

...set up to counter a possible Soviet invasion of Western Europe.

...she also just got a job today, so, yeah, pretty special.

...shit faced drunk as we were last night in the hopes that we remember the password?

...shit faced drunk as we were last night in the hopes that we remember the password?

...since he's our only way out of this stupid jungle, dumb ass.

...so he gave his handlers the slip and arrived here at about 7.

...so if you're not busy Friday night... I'll book us our old booth at 21.

...so it can land itself when it needs gas!

...so she can do unspeakable things with Burt Reynolds.

...so she can do unspeakable things with Burt Reynolds.

...so tell us how we can stop him.

...so unless he, I don't know, throws it away

...so unless you wanna fly a thousand nautical miles sitting next to that

...so why not let us three go

...so you can forget about getting Carvel. Oh.

...so you can get acquainted with the sensation of being weightless.

...so you restrain him with these leather cuffs...

...someone like her working at ISIS, since Since you wanna screw affirmative action?

...sometimes I think that I've failed as a mother.

...sowing the discontent.

...starring Allen Dulles and a bunch of former Nazis.

...still a real thing.

...stop him. Count me in.

...subjects B and C have lapsed into deep unconsciousness.

...tearing around on specially equipped croc choppers.

...thanks to Cyril. Who has apologized profusely

...thanks to Dr. Krieger, so

...that fly 1000 meters, or one klick, a second...

...that I personally have ever had.

...that I've come to expect at ISIS. PAM: No, no, no!

...that Ray and Archer are killing cops for a dealer...

...that the break in was a lot worse than we thought.

...that you have between your legs in lieu of a penis...

...the bucket.

...the bucket.

...the hell are you doing? Nothing. What're y'all doing?

...the Vomit Comet!

...then do the Kobe tartare with this '42 Lapin..

...then I need all new glassware, some real liquor.

...then to keep pressure on the wounds, you greased him up, squeezed him into this

...there is something very important I want you to know.

...there's about 10 klicks of jungle that I just assume is one giant booby trap showroom.

...there's no ship to take you back to Earth.

...this bathroom should do nicely, and a pot of coffee like I like my women:

...this giant Negress and her sissy sidekick.

...this side of Berlin will be hunting him down like a dog.

...to do her stupid W 9.

...to fly into orbit and help me retake control of Horizon.

...to help your brother out with his...

...to live forever among the stars.

...to make s'mores over the crackling fire that used to be your chest cavity.

...to say, Swiss bank accounts?

...to say, Swiss bank accounts?

...to seeing you all tarted up to meet my hero in a hotel bar for sex.

...to seeing you all tarted up to meet my hero in a hotel bar for sex.

...to serve as our base while we begin the terraforming.

...to the Dodge Challenger, Special Agent Edition, brought to you by Dodge.

...to why I'd go on a suicide mission to get back my birthday car.

...trying to rescue a person who is now responsible for my getting crabs twice.

...trying to rescue a person who is now responsible for my getting crabs twice.

...twin.30 cal machine guns mounted in the front...

...two, one.

...uh, about a jillion grenades Oh.

...um, awkward? I actually think it's kind of sweet.

...um, leads. From the clues.

...unarmed combat, firearms, explosives...

...unless you have a better idea. State dependent memory.

...unless you have a better idea. State dependent memory.

...until there was literally no more fluid left in my body.

...vaginae. Oh, no offense, darling.

...was not only murdered and then brought back to life...

...wasn't murdered in front of my very eyeballs at my stupid wedding.

...we have to help you get rid of a dead body. You've only been here twice.

...we shouldn't be the only ones guarding your maybe baby daddy.

...we'd work together to rescue Archer, capture Calzado and escape.

...we'll revisit the issue. In the meantime

...we'll talk about the DNA test thing if, you know, you're still into doing that.

...well, I guess my C drive.

...when some young starlet catches their eye with her perky little boobs!

...when some young starlet catches their eye with her perky little boobs!

...which Dr. Dipshit over there bought from the KGB.

...which is apparently some alloy of adamantium and mithril.

...which is one of danger.

...which is why it's not gonna happen.

...which is why tomorrow, at dawn, I will be hunting the most dangerous game in the world.

...which when you hear it, will probably make your head explo

...which, Mother, if you had seen, would have broken your heart.

...which, Mother, if you had seen, would have broken your heart.

...who also, spoiler alert, can do this?

...who can free her child from the psychological prison she spent a lifetime erecting?

...who cares if he wants to keep it on the D.L.?

...who I think invented the radio.

...who probably has millions of dollars in cash.

...why are you in here stealing guns and grenades...

...why ISIS won't be receiving any reward for capturing Calzado.

...why would anyone break in here and shoot him?

...with jumper cables clamped to my balls!

...with the wrong date on your Omicron Spymaster.

...work, it's hard to find time for actual dates.

...would wanna murder your brother and get his marijuana farm?

...you and your fascist thugs gunned down a young man in the street.

...you are back. Hai, Moto san.

...you dated him. What do you think?

...you give me a potato.

...you know what you're doing? I make you ass.

...you need to jump in a time machine and have a threesome with Oedipus and Sigmund Freud.

...you people are in here skulking around looking guilty?

...you think sails, cannonballs. Not one of these guys has a beard.

...you won't ever get another one.

...you wouldn't be spouting that socialist propaganda.

...you'll wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else's name!

...you'll wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else's name!

...you're gonna wish you were in hell with your back broke

...you're gonna wish you were in hell with your back broke.

"Archerbortion." Ugh. No.

"Archerbortion." Ugh. No.

"ArcherBurnFace." No.

"ArcherSucks." No.

"ArcherSucks." No.

"Chop chop"? Here we go.

"Dear Malory, it's been real, but I'm dumping you for a young starlet...

"Dear Malory, it's been real, but I'm dumping you for a young starlet...

"Dear Malory, it's been..."

"Do you not?" Just give me the damn

"Do" as in tolerate, be around, touch...

"Do" as in...?

"Dr. Charles Drew, or I will eat a bag of dicks."

"Dr. Charles Drew, or I will eat a bag of dicks."

"KillArcherDie." No. PAM: Um...

"MS II Don't.

"Regards"? They weren't even warmest!

"To Sterling. Love, Mother."

"Turn around"? It's not like we haven't all seen them before.

"Underling"?

“ArcherBurnFace." No.

“Dear Malory, it's been "

**** you, space.