Monty Python's Flying Circus - Season 2 Edit

A "WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?" T SHIRT

A bit awkward, eh?

A BIT OF A PUZZLE, REALLY.

A bit of an old fusspot just now, you know

A BLUE AND WHITE COOKEASI.

A BREAK FOR IT AT NIGHTFALL.

A BUFFALO WITH AN AQUALUNG.

A BURGLARY IN WHICH SOMEONE GETS STABBED IS MURDER.

A CHAP FROM POMMY LAND

A CHICKEN, SIR, CERTAINLY, HERE WE ARE.

A COACH PARTY'S JUST ARRIVED.

A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

A COMPLEX OF TOMBS...

A CONVICTED GANGSTER AND WELL KNOWN SWELL GUY.

A CRATE OF SEARCH WARRANTS

A deliberate attempt at cheap sensationalism.

A DISEASE MINERS GET.

A FEW WEEKS LATER.

A fishy requisite t t t t t...

A FIVER DOWN, MUST BE MY FINAL OFFER.

A FOUR MONTH SUPPLY OF INTERESTING UNDERGARMENTS

A FULLY MOTORIZED PIG

A GAIN FOR THE SILLY PARTY AT LUTON

A good laugh.

A GRUDGE?!

A HANDFUL OFMUD...

A HIGH CLASS NIGHTCLUB FOR THE GENTRY

A HORSE!

A HORSE!

A host of golden daffodils Beside the lake, beneath the trees Fluttering and dancing in the breeze

A JOKE?

A LETTER. A LETTER.

A LICENCE FOR MY PET FISH ERIC.

A LITTLE BIT SHORT, BUT IT'S COMING IN A BIT THERE

A LITTLE BIT SHORT, BUT IT'S COMING IN A BIT THERE

A LITTLE CONFUSION.

A LITTLE RODENTAL PROBLEM.

A LITTLE SMILE, PLEASE.

A LOONY, I SHALL HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STEP OUTSIDE!

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE ASKED US

A LOT OF PROTECTION, THAT SORT OF THING.

A LOT OF RELIGIONS NO NAMES, NO PACK DRILL

A LOUD BUZZING NOISE IN MY LEFT EAR.

A MAN WHO SAYS THINGS IN A VERY ROUNDABOUT WAY.

A MAN'S LIFE WASN'T WORTH THE PAPER IT WAS PRINTED ON.

A MURDER?

A NEW STRENGTH!

A NEW WA VE OF INTEREST IN POLITICSAND POLITICIANS.

A PINK FORM FROM READING.

A PLACID, TIMID CREATURE

A PLEA FOR UNDERSTANDING IN A MECHANIZED WORLD.

A POLITICAL STRUGGLE.

A POSITIVE AND MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL ALLIANCE

A PRICES STRUCTURE RELATED TO ANY IMPORT CHARGES

A PRIZE WHICH THEY CAN FLOG BACK

A PUNCH IN THE THROAT?

A RATHER, UM, SUBJECTIVE APPROACH TO IT.

A REAL FAILURE THAT WAS TEN SECONDS OF SOLID BOREDOM.

A SALES CAMPAIGN.

A scheduled flight to cuba.

A SCRAP METAL DEALER AND TV QUIZMASTER

A SENSIBLE GAIN HEREAT DRIFFIELD

A SIMPLE COUNTRY GIRL WHO TOOK A VOW OF ETERNAL BRUTALITY.

A SMALL TIME OPERATOR WHO FELL FOUL OF DINSDALE PIRANHA

A SPOKESMAN FOR PARROTS SAID

A spokesman for the sketch said he fuLly expected it

A SUMERIAN DRINKING VESSEL OF THE FOURTH DYNASTY.

A SUPERB DISPLAY OF INERTIA THERE.

A SUPERB SHOT OF NO KIND WHATSOEVER.

A tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed.

A TEMPORARY DISPATCH NOTE.

A THING THAT WAS NOT ON TOP OF ANOTHER THING IN ANY WAY.

A THREE PIECE LOUNGE SUITE

A TOTALLY DIFFERENT KIND OF SPECIMEN

A trip to our dairy will cure you

A unique event in cinema history

A VERSION OF MICHAEL STEWART'S SPEECH ON NIGERIA

A VERY FUNNY FUNNY WALK.

A VITAL PSYCHO SOCIAL SERVICE FOR THIS COMMUNITY.

A WACKY NEW COMEDY SERIES

A WEEKEND FOR TWO WITH PETER BONETTI

A WHAT?

A what?

A WORLD WHERE MEN AND WOMEN OFALL RACESAND CREEDS

A... A FLOWER GROWS.

ABDUL!

ABDUL!

About people who hold things up

ABOUT RAILWAY TIMETABLES

About shows which have too many complaints in them

About some inaccuracies in the preceding film

ABOUT SPINY NORMAN.

ABOUT THE GA Y EXPLOITS OF TWO TELEVISION CRICKET COMMENTATORS

About the poet ewan mcteagle.

ABOUT THE, UH, LIFE INSURANCE.

About these modern airliners.

ABOUT YOUR LATEST FILM, THE TWELVE CAESARS

Absolutely guaranteed. With refills.

ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

Absolutely.

Access would be from Dibbingley Road.

ACTING ON A HUNCH

ACTION!

ACTIVE RECUPERATION TECHNIQUES.

Actually I think he's rather overdoing it. Ah!

ACTUALLY I'M THE COUNCIL RATCATCHER.

ACTUALLY NAILING YOUR HEAD TO THE FLOOR.

Actually what happens is he goes off there, off camera, and just waits there

Actually, i find violence extremely distasteful...

Actually, i'm a gynecologist but that was my lunch hour.

Actually, i'm a gynecologist, but this is my lunch hour.

ACTUALLY, TIMMY

ACTUALLY, TIMMY, THE THING IS, IT'S A BIT PRIVATE.

Adapted for radio

Adapted for the radio by Bernard HoLLowood and Brian London.

ADJOURNMENT? CERTAINLY NOT.

ADMITTED 78 YEAR OLD GENIAL JURISPRUDE MALTRA VERS

Afraid our regular psychiatrist

AFRICA.

AFTER "THREE," OKAY?

AFTER 6:00 P.M., 9424047.

AFTER 6:00 P.M., 9424077

AFTER ALL, A MURDERER IS ONLY AN EXTROVERTED SUICIDE.

AFTER ALL, HE ONLY DID WHAT MOST OF US SIMPLY DREAM OF DOING.

AFTER ONE OF THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY TRIALS

AFTER THREE FIGHTS AND ONLY TWO CONVICTIONS

AFTER THREE YEARS OF STUDY

AFTER WALKING THE HUSKIES

AGAINST INTERNATIONAL COMMUNISM.

AGAINST THE DARKIES.

AGAINST THE EXETER AMATEUR OPERATIC SOCIETY

AGAINST THE LONDON POOVES ON SATURDAY.

Against which ewan mcteagle writes such poems

AGNES, ARE YOU AWAKE?

Agnes: AND THE NOISE.

Agnes: OH, YES.

Agnes: YES, BLACK AS THE ACE OF SPADES.

AGNES?

AGNES?

Ah can do. But won't.

Ah yes, it's Mr Wiggin of Ironside and Malone.

Ah, certainly. Walk this way, please.

Ah, come in.

Ah, come in.

Ah, come in.

AH, ELEVENSES!

AH, FROG.

AH, GOOD MORNING, MR. JENKINS.

AH, GOOD MORNING.

AH, HELLO, DUCKIE.

AH, HELLO, HELLO.

Ah, hello, you don't know me, but I'm from the BBC.

AH, HERE WE ARE.

AH, HERE'S THE COFFEE.

Ah, i'm terribly sorry.

Ah, I've got mackerel, or cod, or hake...

AH, IT'S GREAT!

AH, JOHN...

AH, JOHN...

AH, MR. DOCTOR.

AH, MR. LUXURY YACHT.

AH, NO, NO.

AH, NO, THAT WAS WHEN YOU WERE MARRIED.

Ah, not you m'lud, that m'lud, m'lud,

AH, NOW YOU'RE BEGINNING TO TALK...

Ah, thingy.

AH, WELL, DO SIT DOWN, THEN

AH, WELL, THEY SEEM TO HAVE LINKED THAT THEMSELVES

AH, WELL, THIS IS YOUR FREE DEAD INDIAN, AS ADVERTISED.

Ah, won't be a moment.

AH, YES, SIR.

AH, YES.

AH, YES.

AH, YES.

AH, YOU WISH TO BUY IT?

AH!

AH!

AH!

AH! BRIAN CLOSE.

AH! HERE COMES THE BOSSFELLA NOW.

Ah! that's better.

AH! YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL THIGHS.

AH. THANK YOU.

AH. WELL, I'M AFRAID WE HAVE TO STOP THE FILM THERE

AHA! RATS AT 42A KARTOFFELNSTRASSE.

AIR CHIEF MARSHALL SIR VINCENT "KILL THE JAPS" FORSTER.

ALAN BULLOCK HAS TWO PIKES, BOTH CALLED NORMAN

ALARIC THE VISIGOTH, GAISERIC THE VANDAL

ALEX, JOAN, TED, SCOTT, WILF, JOHN

ALL ( aghast ): SILLY?!

ALL ( in unison ): MY GOODNESS ME!

ALL CLEAR.

ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT WITH THEIR NOISY LOVEMAKING

ALL I COULD DO WAS BANG MY LITTLE GAVEL.

ALL RIGHT IN THE END

All right then what about 8a Woodford Square?

ALL RIGHT THEN, A KICK IN THE KNEECAP.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, WE'RE PUTTIN' PLAN "A" INTO OPERATION.

ALL RIGHT, BREAK IT UP.

All right, but how am i going to get home?

ALL RIGHT, BUT KEEP THE RIO TINTO.

ALL RIGHT, DON'T ANYBODY MOVE.

All right, don't anybody move.

ALL RIGHT, EVERSLEY, GET UP OUT OF THAT TRENCH.

ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, PRAY SILENCE

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.

ALL RIGHT, I CONFESS. I DID IT.

All right, i seem to have wandered a bit

ALL RIGHT, I SLUMP IN MY CHAIR.

All right, I'll have a quick look at yer Thomas Hardy.

ALL RIGHT, I'M ONLY FIVE FOOT TEN.

ALL RIGHT, MEDWIN

ALL RIGHT, MY POSTURE IS BAD

ALL RIGHT, NOBODY MOVE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

ALL RIGHT, THEN

ALL RIGHT, TWO, THREE, DAMN, DAMN, TWO, THREE

ALL RIGHT, WHAT CAT DETECTOR VAN?

All right.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. NAME?

ALL THAT SORT OF THING.

ALL THE OTHER SILVER TROPHIES ALSO GO IN MY SACK...

ALL THIS CHATTING AWAY WEARS ME OUT.

ALL WE BLOODY WANT

ALL: AMEN.

ALL: AMEN.

ALL: AMEN.

ALL: AUSTRALIA, AUSTRALIA, AUSTRALIA, AUSTRALIA

ALL: HEAR, HEAR!

ALL: HEAR, HEAR!

ALL: OOH, GET HER! WHOOPS!

ALL: TONY!

ALL: YES, AFTER BREAKFAST.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

Almost there.

ALREADY THERE HAVE BEEN MURDERS COMMITTED HERE AND HERE

Also i would like to point out that the balpa spokesman

Also, in the inverness pantomime last christmas

Although his name was quite clearly given as mcteagle

ALTHOUGH THE BATH CHRONICLE WAS LESS THAN ENTHUSIASTIC.

ALTHOUGH WE HERE IN THE STUDIO WILL BE CARRYING ON

Although, of course, when they are

AM I A TEENY BIT LATE?

AM ON THE 49 B TO BABBACOMBE."

AMONGST HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES, BUT WHAT WAS HE REALLY LIKE?

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as

Amongst our weaponry...

Amongst our weapons...

Amuse your friends: CS gas canisters

AN ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING START SO FAR.

An artist's model, Swedish accordion teacher

AN ELECTRIC PENGUIN, 20 FEET HIGH

AN EX USED CAR SALESMAN AND PART TIME WINDOW BOX

AN INSTALLATION INVOICE.

AN M.I.

AN M.I.

AN UP AND COMING EAST END BOXER.

Anchorman: THERE'S NO SUCH THING.

AND "B," IT ISN'T GOING TO FIT INTO A TRAP.

AND "LARNGERIE"

AND "SARNDWICHES ON THE SETTEE."

AND 1,600 CUBIC U.S. FURLONGS OF WHITE PAINT

AND A COUPLE OF FILM PRODUCERS

AND A DAGGER UP THE STRAP.

AND A HAND PAINTED SCENE OF ARABIAN SPLENDOR

AND A HEALTHY CRY OF "WHO LIKES A SAILOR, THEN?"

AND A KICK ON THE HEAD.

AND A MAN THEY CALLED KIERKEGAARD

AND A PAIR OF EX GERMAN U BOAT COMMANDER'S BINOCULARS.

And a pot of yogurt, please.

AND A RADAR SCANNER.

AND A SERIES OF PHOTOGRAPHS WHICH COULD ADD UP TO DIVORCE

AND A SPECIAL FEE FOR A GUEST APPEARANCE

AND A TABLE LAMP FOR TWO COFFEES AND BISCUITS.

AND A TENDENCY TO WOBBLE UP AND DOWN IN THE MIDDLE

AND A TIGER'S BUM.

AND A WEEKEND FOR TWO WITH A SKINHEAD OF YOUR OWN CHOICE.

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS

And a&e television networks

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And a&e television networks]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

And A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

AND AGAIN A WEEK AFTER THAT.

And all other flammables, we have almost totally removed the risk of...

AND ALL SORTS OF RUBBISHY THINGS.

AND ALREADY THEY'RE NAUGHT FOR NAUGHT.

AND ALSO SOME FAIRLY UNINTERESTING ONES

AND ALSO THAT GOLDFISH DO NOT EAT SAUSAGES...

And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms

And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.

AND AN EXPERT IN EGYPTIAN TOMB PAINTINGS

AND ANTI BAD THINGS

AND ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE ME CAN LOOK ME UP IN THE BOOK.

AND APPARENTLY WALES IS NOT SWINGING AT ALL.

And are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort

AND AS SILLY AS THAT MAY SEEM

AND AT 10:30, WE'LL BE JOINING BBC 2 IN TIME FOR 10:33.

AND AT THE BACK, PLEASE KEEP YOUR HEADS RIGHT DOWN.

AND ATTACKS IT WITH AIR TO AIR MISSILES.

AND AUTHOR OF THE COMMUNISTMANIFESTO.

AND BANGING ITS HEAD ON THE TABLE.

AND BASHING TWO BRICKS TOGETHER.

AND BE AT BASINGSTOKE BY 1:00.

AND BEHIND...

AND BOWERS, PLAYED BY SEYMOUR FORTESCUE

AND BROOKY, TO WIT, MY FLAT MATE

AND BUTCHEST FIGHTING FORCES IN THE WORLD.

AND BY AN OLD RULE OF THE SCHOOL

AND CAMERAS AND TAPE RECORDERS

And cane chair sales lady,

AND CERTAINLY WOULDN'T SAY THAT I WAS STUCK IN A RUT...

AND CLAIM THAT HE'D LAID STANLEY BALDWIN.

AND CONNECT IT UP?

AND COULD WE HAVE THE NEXT CONTENDER, PLEASE?

AND CRELM TOOTHPASTE

AND CRY MANTHESUMS.

And Derby CounciL have got the baLL against the head.

AND DESTROYED HER.

AND DINSDALE SAID

AND DINSDALE'S THERE IN THE CONVERSATION PIT

AND DIRECTING, WE HAVE A VERY FINE

AND DISASSOCIATE OUR CHURCH

AND DISTRIBUTED AMONGST THE POOR.

And do some aptitude tests.

AND DON'T FORGET THE HERCULES HOLD 'EM IN

AND DON'T FORGET TOMORROW, WHEN IT'LL BE 9:20.

AND DREAMED HER LITTLE DREAMY DREAMS

AND ER... MARY WHITEHOUSE HAS JUST TAKEN UMBRAGE

AND ERIC, BEING SUCH A HAPPY CAT, WAS A PIECE OF CAKE.

AND EVEN MY TENNIS HAS SUFFERED, ACTUALLY...

AND FATHER OF MODERN COMMUNISM.

AND FILM PRODUCERS.

AND FINALLY, IN THE DISGUSTING OBJECTS INTERNATIONAL

AND FINALLY...

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE TELEVISION

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO PREFER DRAMA, THERE'S SPORT.

AND FOUND HIM A MOST CHARMING AND ERUDITE COMPANION.

AND FOUND... THEMSELVES.

AND FOURTH SENTENCES PERFECTLY NORMALLY.

AND FURTHER OUT TO SEA

And furthermore, given half a chance I'll put my fist through your teeth. F'tang. F'tang.

And get a flight back to luton from there.

AND GET GOING IN THE SECOND HALF.

AND GETS CAUGHT IN NETS?

And getting us both into a state of depressive neurosis.

AND GO BURROWING FOR TRUFFLES

AND GO OUT AND CATCH PARTRIDGES

AND GO OVER TO THE NEXT ITEM, OR DISH.

AND GOES BACK TO BED AGAIN BECAUSE IT'S FAR TOO EARLY.

AND GRIEVOUS BODILY HARM AT GRA Y'S INN.

AND HE AGREED AND JUST SCREWED MY PELVIS TO A CAKE STAND.

AND HE COMES UP, ALL NICE AND FRIENDLY LIKE

AND HE DON'T GO SHOUTING ABOUT IT, DO HE?!

AND HE FANCIED A BIT.

AND HE FIGHTS IT AND HE KILLS IT

AND HE NAILS MY HEAD TO THE FLOOR.

AND HE SEES THE LION

AND HE SPLITS ME NOSTRILS OPEN AND SAWS ME LEG OFF

AND HE'D BECOME VERY VIOLENT

AND HE'S BEEN MAKING A BIG NAME FOR HIMSELF

AND HE'S VERY UNHAPPY WITH YOUR CAMPAIGN.

AND HERE IS MY RESTAURANT CAR TICKET TO PROVE IT.

AND HERE IS THE NEIGHBOR WHO TOLD US WHERE THEY WERE.

AND HERE IS THE RESULT

AND HERE WITH THEIR VERY LATEST RECORDING:

AND HERE...

AND HIS NOSE WOULD SWELL UP

AND HIS TEETH WOULD START MOVING ABOUT

AND HIS TRAINER HAS TO RUN THE 49,000 MILES

AND HISAGENT, AND ON THE OTHER SIDE IS

AND HOPPING MAD.

AND HOW ABOUT THE SWANG?

And how do you find the defendant?

AND HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH A WHOLESALE POULTERER.

AND I AM VERY PROUD TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE FIRST RELIGION

AND I BELIEVE KIRK VILB IS PLAYING THE TITLE ROLE.

AND I CALL UPON YOU, PADRE

AND I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS TOO STRONGLY

AND I CHANGED MY PET SNAKE.

AND I CHANGED MY ROBIN DAY TIE.

AND I DECIDED...

AND I EAT PUNKS LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST.

AND I FEEL LIKE A LOVIN' YOU

AND I GOT A LICENCE FOR ME PET CAT ERIC.

AND I LOOKED OUT OF THE HOLE IN THE WALL

AND I MUST ADMIT, I'M LOST.

AND I NEVER ONCE REGRETTED BEING A NASTY, GREEDY, COLD HEARTED

AND I PLAYED MISS ALEXANDER FLEMING IN A FURROW.

AND I PLAYED MISS NAPOLEON BONAPARTE IN A TRENCH

AND I PLAYED MRS. JESUS CHRIST

AND I SAID, "MY NAME'S NOT CLEMENT."

AND I SAW THIS TANK DRIVE UP AND ONE OF DINSDALE'S BOYS GETS OUT

AND I SPOT ( snickers ) OUR NEXT ITEM.

AND I SUPPOSE AS HIS ELDEST SON

AND I THINK THE IMPORTANCE OF LOOKING AFTER POOR PEOPLE

AND I THINK WE CAN BE SURE IT WON'T BE AN ORDINARY ITEM

And I thought it best

AND I WAGGLED MY WIG.

And i want you to say

And i want you to tell me

AND I'D LIKE TO CHANGE, PLEASE.

And i'd like to make an application.

And i'd like to make an application.

And i'd like to make an appointment.

AND I'D LIKE TO OBTAIN A GOVERNMENT GRANT

AND I'D LIKE TO PRESENT THE FIRST PRIZE

AND I'D LIKE TO REMIND HIM

AND I'D LIKE TO SEE THE REINTRODUCTION OF FLOGGING.

And I'm as aLert and active as I've ever been.

AND I'M VERY PLEASED TO BE ABLE TO TELL YOU

And i've got an ego block

AND I'VE NEVER REGRETTED IT.

AND IF SHE COMES ROUND HERE AGAIN, I'LL KICK HER TEETH IN.

AND IF YOU DON'T MISS THE 10:15, YOU WON'T CATCH THE 3:45

AND IN LONDON...

AND INSTEAD SAY SOMETHING LIKE, UM...

AND INTIMIDATED BY HIS ABUSIVE AD LIBS."

AND IS ALSO IN CHARGE OF THE SHEEP DIP.

AND IT GOES TO FORBES MINOR... FORBES MINOR.

And it is for this reason that the Christian Church lays upon you, the godparents,

AND IT RIPS ASIDE THE HYPOCRITICAL FACADE

AND IT WASN'T GETTING THROUGH TO HIM ANYMORE.

AND IT'S BACK TO BASE CAMP FOR A NIGHT'S REST.

AND IT'S BOUND TO HAVE AN ENORMOUS IMPACT

AND IT'S HIT HIM ON THE PAD!

And it's the ALL BLacks to kick off.

And it's the Town CLerk's taken the baLL beautifuLly there.

AND IT'S THE WASH BASIN IN THE LEAD FROM W.C. PEDESTAL.

AND JUST FLIPPED.

AND JUST LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE.

AND JUST TWO LOVELY COFFEES, PLEASE.

AND KEEP YOUR BLOODY WATUTSI!

AND KEVIN PHILLIPS BONG, THE SLIGHTLY SILLY CANDIDATE.

AND LASTLY, JOANNA SOUTHCOTT'S BOX.

AND LEA VING THE POST OFFICE FOR THE START OF THE SECOND HALF.

AND LEAVES A LOT OF SACRED COWS ROLLING AROUND IN AGONY.

AND LISTS HER HOBBIES AS SWIMMING, RIDING

AND LOAD THEM UP WITH CUTLERY

AND LOCKS HIMSELF IN THE CUPBOARD.

AND LOVE IS LIKE PEACHES AND CREAM

AND LULU WILL BE TACKLING THE OLD MAN OF HOY.

AND MANCHESTER

AND MAO TSE TUNG

And may leave this court a free man.

And milton's "can you lend us two bob till tuesday?"

AND MISSED THAT BIT AROUND HORNCHURCH.

AND MONTHS OF PAINSTAKING RESEARCH

AND MONTY PYTHON HAS HELD THE CREDITS.

And more recently his prizewinning poem

AND MOSTATTRACTIVE

AND MR. LINDSAY ANDERSON'S FILM, IF

AND MRS. BETTY TEAL.

AND MURDER IS A VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS!

AND NEARLY TIME FOR SIX PAST NINE

AND NEXT, GENTLEMEN AND LADIES, HERE AT THE PEEPHOLE CLUB

AND NEXT, THE MEN OF THE SECOND ARMOURED DIVISION REGALE US

AND NO SHOT AT ALL.

AND NO SHOT AT ALL.

AND NOT A CHEAP CLIP JOINT FOR PICKING UP TARTS.

AND NOT AT ALL STUCK UP.

AND NOT AT ALL THE KIND OF PERSON

AND NOTHING ELSE, I'D LIKE TO EMPHASIZE THAT

AND NOW A BIT OF FUN.

AND NOW A LETTER, A HOTEL REGISTRATION BOOK

And now a sketch about a chemist

AND NOW BO WILDEBURG IS RUNNING UP TO BOWL TO COWDREY.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY

And now for something completely different.

And now for something completely different.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

And now for something completely different.

And now for something completely different.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

And now for something more completely different.

AND NOW FOR THE FIRST ITEM THIS EVENING ON THE MENU...

And now for the very first time on the silver screen

AND NOW IT'S BO WILDEBURG RUNNING IN AGAIN

AND NOW IT'S DOCUMENTARY TIME

AND NOW IT'S THE NORTH EAST'S TURN WITH THE SAMBA BRIAN?

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR OUR "STOP THE FILM" SPOT.

AND NOW OVER TO ME.

AND NOW THE GREEN CHESTERFIELD HAS TAKEN GUARD

AND NOW THE MA YOR HAS REACHED

AND NOW THE MA YORAL HUMAN BEING

AND NOW THE WORLD OF SONG ANNE ZEIGLER AND WEBSTER BOOTH.

AND NOW THEALDERMAN ARE FINISHING THEIR ORANGES

AND NOW WE LEA VE LORDSAND GO OVER TO EPSOM FOR THE 3::00.

And now we present the first episode

AND NOW WHAT'S HAPPENING?

AND NOW WITHOUT ANY MORE ADO AND COMPLETELY AS NORMAL

AND NOW YOUR SECOND QUESTION

AND NOW, AT 90% PROTECTION, THE... WAIT!

AND NOW, GENTLEMEN AND LADIES, A VERY BIG WELCOME, PLEASE

AND NOW, GUTEN ABEND.

AND NOW, HERE IS CHIEF INSPECTOR JEAN PAUL ZATAPATHIQUE

AND NOW, IDIOTS.

And now, Radio 4 wiLL expLode.

AND NOW, THE TOAD ELEVATING MOMENT.

And now..

AND NOW...

And now...

And now...

AND NOW...

AND NOW...

AND NOWAN APPEAL FOR SANITY

AND NOWAN APPEAL FOR SANITY

AND NUMBER 27:: MORE NAUGHTY BITS.

AND NUMBER THREE:: THE OTHER FOOT.

And obviously, any assertion of authority on my part

AND OF COURSE, THE VERY LARGE SWING BACK TO THE SENSIBLE PARTY

AND OF COURSE, THERE'LL BE SPORT.

AND OF COURSE, THERE'LL BE SPORT.

AND OF COURSE, THERE'LL BE SPORT.

AND OF COURSE, THERE'LL BE SPORT.

AND OF COURSE, UM... HIMSELF HAD THE MOST MONUMENTAL IVORIES.

And on BBC 1 me telling you this.

AND ON BBC 1, ETHEL THE FROG.

AND ON MY LEFT, MISS PETULA WILCOX

AND ON MY RIGHT

AND ON MY RIGHT

AND ONCE WE'VE REMOVED THAT, HE'LL BE PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT.

AND ONE NIGHT DINSDALE WALKED IN

AND ONETIME CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART, MAUREEN SPENCER.

AND ONLY RATIONS FOR...

AND OTHER GANG LEADERS.

AND OUR FIRM COMPLETELY BANKRUPT.

AND OUR YOUNGEST, GHASTLY SPOTTY HORRIBLE VICIOUS LITTLE

AND OVER THERE ON THE OYSTER BEDS, FORMULA TWO CAR RACING.

AND OVER THERE ON THE OYSTER BEDS, FORMULA TWO CAR RACING.

AND PADRE HASN'T BEEN!

And pancho here doesn't have to move at all.

AND PARROTS STARTED TO ANNOUNCE TELEVISION PROGRAMS.

And past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives.

AND PERSISTENT CRIES OF 'WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN?'"

AND PLASTIC MULE REST?

AND PULLS ME LIVER OUT.

And punished for the wrong one. Let us begin.

AND PUT A BOX IN VANILLA'S TRENCH.

AND PUT INTO A BROWN PAPER BAG IN THE LAVVY.

AND PUT IT ON A SPECIAL DELIVERY.

AND PUT WILCOX ON THE CANVAS BY SIX.

AND R. SPARROW OF LEICESTER

AND RAMSA Y MacDONALD BECOMES

AND RAY MILLICHOPE, LEADER OF THE ALLIED TECHNICIANS' UNION

AND RAY TO FIX IT UP.

AND REALLY CONSIDERATE TO HIS MOTHER

AND REG HARRIS, THE FORMER WORLD CYCLING SPRINT CHAMPION

AND REMEMBER, WITH ONLY EIGHT SCORING DRAWS

And revenue arrangements for the forthcoming annual budgetary period terminating in April.

AND RUBS GRAVEL INTO HIS HAIR.

And ruthless efficiency...

AND SAYS DINSDALE WANTS TO HAVE A TALK WITH ME.

And she has scored!

AND SHE IS NOW WATCHING THIS ROYAL SKETCH

AND SHE SMILED QUIETLY TO HERSELF.

AND SHE'S HAVING A DISEMBOWELING PARTY

AND SHOOT THEMSELVES. RAISE THEIR ARMS.

AND SHOOT THEMSELVES. RAISE THEIR ARMS.

AND SIR ROBERT WAS HAPPIER THAN I'D EVER SEEN HIM.

And snowy summits old in story...

AND SO DID THE GENTLEMAN

AND SO IT GOES IN MY SACK.

AND SO IT TAKES ME RATHER LONGER TO GET TO WORK.

AND SO ON

AND SO ON AND SO ON.

AND SO THE FIRST ITEM..

AND SO THE SILLY PARTY HAS TAKEN LUTON.

AND SO, ON FEBRUARY 22, 1966, AT LUTON AIRPORT...

AND SO, WITHOUT ANY MORE ADO

AND SO, YOU SEE, THE IDIOT DOES PROVIDE

AND SOME DUTY FREE BROCCOLI

AND SOMEWHERE OUT IN THIS BAY IS

AND SOON SET OUT TO SEEK ITS FORTUNE.

AND SOUTHALL MARKETING DIVISION

AND SPAM SELECTING A SPAM PARTICULAR SPAM ITEM

AND SPAM.

AND TAKES ME FOR A SC**** ROUND TO DINSDALE'S PLACE.

AND THAT FLOWER

AND THAT I HAD TO SEE DOUG.

AND THAT IT IS THE R.A.F WHO NOW SUFFER

AND THAT NICE POLICEMAN

AND THAT THE HUNT WAS ON.

AND THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK, BUT TO CLOSE OUR PROGRAM

AND THAT'S DEFINITELY THE COOKER I ORDERED

AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME WITH OLD DINSY.

AND THAT'S JUST WHAT I'M GONNA DO

AND THAT'S NOT ALL!

AND THAT'S THE END OF THE OVER, AND DRINKS.

AND THAT'S WHY NINE OUT OF TEN

AND THE ACTIVITIES CARRIED OUT BENEATH.

And the aLarm cLock on the manteLpiece.

AND THE AMBIGUITY IS THE ONLY TRUTH

AND THE BEAUTIFUL LOUNGE SUITE WILL BE YOURS.

AND THE BLOOD CAN GO SPURTING...

AND THE BLOOD GOES PSSSSSHHH

AND THE BOYS AND GIRLS FROM TOMORROW'S WORLD

And the broad, clear highland skies reflected in tarn and loch

AND THE CHAIR AND AN ALL WOOL, EX ARMY SLEEPING BAG

AND THE CHAIR'S YOURS AND A FIVER

AND THE DEBATES.

AND THE EVER PRESENT THREAT OF PNEUMOCONIOSIS WHICH ISA...

AND THE FEEL OF ROUGH BLUE SERGE

AND THE FIRST QUESTION IS FOR YOU, KARL MARX.

AND THE GREAT CUSTOMER, MR. ERIC PRALINE

And the incremental statistics of the fiscal

And the is the Spanish Inquisition hiding behind the coal shed.

And the Lady Mayoress has got to go through!

AND THE LATE GREAT MARCEL PROUST HAD AN 'ADDOCK!

AND THE LATEST ONE RIGHT HERE.

AND THE LEFT LEG MERELY DOES A FORWARD AERIAL HALF TURN

AND THE LEVEL CROSSING AN ELECTRIC ELK CALLED SIMON.

And the Mayor has got the baLL again.

AND THE OTHER ACTOR ISABOUT TO DELIVER

AND THE OTHER HALF GREEN

And the PM wants more LSD from the PIB by tomorrow AM or PM at the latest.

AND THE PRIZE THIS WEEK IS A BEAUTIFUL LOUNGE SUITE.

AND THE PROBLEMS OF BRITAIN'S INDUSTRIAL REORGANIZATION.

AND THE RECTUMS FROM SWANAGE.

AND THE SHOP WHERE YOU BOUGHT THE EQUIPMENT.

AND THE SHOP WHERE YOU BOUGHT THE EQUIPMENT.

AND THE SILLY PARTY HAVE HELD LEICESTER.

And the smoke signals version of gentlemen prefer blondes

AND THE STANDARD LAMP IS FADING FAST

AND THE THIRTY BLOODY YEARS' WAR?

AND THE TWO PENS IN YOUR BREAST POCKET

AND THE VARIOUS ORGANIZATIONS AFFILIATED

And the very fact that the plane

AND THE WATFORD LONG JOHN SILVER IMPERSONATORS.

AND THE WEST MIDLANDS

AND THE WORD "CAT" WRITTEN IN IN CRAYON.

AND THEIR EFFECT ON OUR COMMONWEALTH RELATIONSHIPS.

AND THEIR SUBSEQUENT TRACKING DOWN AND CAPTURE

AND THEN HE LOSES HIS TEMPER

AND THEN IN A KIND OF SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE.

AND THEN IN THE TWILIGHT OF THIS LIFE

And then placed his robes over his head and began to emit low moans.

AND THEN ROY COMES ALONG IN THE LOCKHEED STAR FIGHTER

AND THEN TWO HOURS SLEEPING, OKAY?

AND THEN WE'LL HAVE A ROTA.

AND THEN WE'LL MAKE A STOCK OF THE CAPTAIN, AND AFTER THAT

AND THEN YOU CAN GO, "NEURH, NEURH, NEURH!"

AND THEN YOU CAN JUMP UP AND DOWN IN A BOWL OF TREACLE

AND THEN YOU CAN PAINT HALF OF YOUR BODY RED

AND THEN YOU CAN ROLL AROUND ON THE FLOOR

AND THEN YOU'RE POLITE TO ME ALTERNATELY.

AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE WAS THAT CRIPPLING DEFEAT

AND THEODORIC THE OSTROGOTH IN TURN SWEPT WESTWARD

AND THERE IS THE "GOING SPARAL" LOOK ON THE FRONT OF HIS HEAD.

AND THERE WASN'T A GRUMBLE.

AND THERE WERE SEVERAL VOTES ON THE COMMITTEE

AND THERE'S FRESH ECCLES CAKES.

AND THERE'S HIS MATE, BRUCE BEER.

AND THEREARE THEALDERMEN

AND THEY HAD BOLTED AND BARRED THE HOUSE

AND THEY LOVED IT.

AND THEY'D BE ABLE TO CONNECT IT UP?

AND THEY'D COME ROUND THIS AFTERNOON?

AND THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE A HUMAN PYRAMID.

AND THIS BLACK CARD

AND THIS FOLLOWED YOUR SECOND CAMPAIGN

AND THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME;

AND THIS IS HIS WIFE

AND THIS IS THE ROLE THAT...

And this is Uncle Ted at the side of the house.

And this is Uncle Ted even nearer the side of the house,

AND THIS IS WHERE HE LIVED.

AND THIS IS WHERE LORD LANGDON LIVED

AND THIS WEEK THEY'RE VISITING AN IRON FOUNDRYAT SWINDON

AND THIS WEEK WE'RE GOING TO LEARN HOW TO FEED A GOLDFISH.

AND THREATENED NOT TO BEAT HIM UP IF HE DIDN'T PAY THEM.

AND THREE YEARS LATER HE DIED OF...

And time for the penguin on top of your teLevision set

AND TO START TONIGHT'S PROGRAM

AND TONIGHT, THE INVASION OF NORMANDY, PERFORMED

AND TONIGHT'S STAR PRIZE:

AND TRIPPED AND WENT, "OOPS."

AND UNPLEASANT DETAILS WHICH COULD WRECK A MAN'S CAREER.

And use the space for playing fields.

AND USED TERROR TO TAKE OVER NIGHTCLUBS, BILLIARD HALLS

AND VANILLA GET UP OUT OF THE TRENCH?

AND VOILA A MEAL FIT FOR A...

AND WAITED FOR THE STRONG NORTHEASTERLY WINDS

AND WATCH SPECIAL PERFORMANCES OF RITUAL IDIOTTING.

AND WATCHED BY THE LADY MA YORESS

AND WE CAN START OFF WITH THE AVOCADOS.

AND WE CAN'T UPSET THE LOVELY SNOWDON, CAN WE?

AND WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHEN HER MAJESTY WILL BE TUNING IN.

AND WE END THE SHOW WITH MUSIC

AND WE'D SHAKE HANDS, AND THEN HE'D NAIL MY HEAD TO THE FLOOR.

AND WE'LL FINISH OFF WITH THE PEACHES.

And we're all moving our lips

AND WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE HEART TO HEART

AND WHAT ABOUT CHINA?

AND WHAT WAS THE HARM IN A SAUNA BATH.

AND WHAT'S MORE, HE KNEW HOW TO TREAT A FEMALE IMPERSONATOR.

AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

AND WHEN THE TIME CAME FOR ME TO GIVE MY OTHER ARM, I...

AND WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?

AND WHICH PRIZE DO YOU HAVE

AND WHILE THAT'S GOING ON, HERE IS THE NEWS FOR GIBBONS.

AND WHO DOESN'T NOW AND AGAIN

AND WHO MUST BE WELL OVER SIX FOOT.

AND WHOSE PEACOCKS KEEP US AWAKE

AND WHOSE VERY FECES ARE AN UNTRAMMELED DELIGHT

And Wilson kicks off

AND WITH CASES LIKE HE'S WON

AND WITH EVERY THIRD BOOK, YOU GET DUNG.

And work out the most complicated

AND WOULD I PAY FOR IT.

AND YOU CAN LIGHT

AND YOU CAN STAB IT IN THE WINGS

AND YOU DON'T BEAR HIM ANY GRUDGE?

AND YOU DON'T STAND IN THE TRENCH.

And you shall be free...

And you should be hearing from them in a year or two.

AND YOU WOULDN'T CALL SIR GERALD A LOONY, WOULD YOU?

And your bleeding masonic handshakes!

AND YOUR HUSBAND TREVOR

AND YOUR LOVE IS LIKE PEACHES AND CREAM

AND YOUR LOVELY CHILDREN, DIANE, JANICE AND JULIET

AND YOUR NAME IS?

AND YOUR OWN HOOTER'S A BEAUT.