The Office - Season 7 Edit

A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell.

A crystal wizard.

A gah gah gah gah. Aw, my hero

A lot of people are really

A lot of these guys are just Mac.com at their website whatever.

A plus.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

About a little office administration problem.

About saving on window treatments?

About the whole Danny situation.

Accept, but keep your wits about you.

Actually, that's a really good idea, Kelly.

Admit...

After everything I did for you?

After I learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping me.

After that, we have a difficult conversation

Ah, Darryl moved it. You moved it.

Ah, I was looking forward

Alf.

All at the same time.

All corkboard.

All hail your hay king!

All in favor of Purebred.

All right, everybody. Take a seat.

All right, good night, Gabe.

All right, I've warmed them up for you. You have the floor, Ryan.

All right, thank you. I will send the contracts over right away.

All right, you know what?

All right.

All right. Let's bang this out.

All right. Wow.

All the time.

All those in favor of selling, say "aye."

All you've ever done was say no to me.

Always have your back.

Am I gonna make you cry?

Am I supposed to care about these days?

An a.L.F.

An asset.

And a daycare center?

And a Ouija board.

And about half her height.

And approval, Dwight k. Schrute.

And as office administrator...

And ask for Miss Angela Martin,

And at the end of it all, one lucky boy would be crowned hay king.

And call me in the morning.

And cancel all my business

And cognitive development area.

And dating someone else... Mm hmm.

And didn't seem to realize that wasn't his hot coffee,

And drop huge amounts of cash on clothes.

And fate has obliged me with plenty of battles,

And Gabe looks like lady gaga.

And get Darryl Philbin on the speakerphone.

And get paid a reasonable salary.

And he looks so handsome in his uniform.

And he shoots incredibly high, and he may just make it.

And he's also clever.

And he's taking advantage of you.

And I am obviously the joker, so...

And I can't believe it didn't exist before.

And I can't do that unless I honestly...

And I don't care if I take a bullet,

And I fixed it.

And I hate being interrupted.

And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, but hey, I married Jim

And I think that Ryan knows that,

And I think the paperwork just got lost in the shuffle.

And I thought, you know,

And I want to live at the top.

And I was thinking that we should start on a bunny hill,

And I'm gonna do the same with all of your clients.

And if I were to call your house and ask for your wife,

And if you're out there, strangler,

And it caught the corner of my eye

And it just stopped.

And it makes more sense when I'm standing next to Popeye,

And it's not some M.L.K. dream for equality

And it's one of those things

And Julia Roberts goes...

And launch that lighthouse into space.

And let her decide.

And let's be honest,

And let's hear it for

And lieutenant knife, and miss fork.

And nobody knows I live there.

And not be mad at each other.

And not just the instructions?

And now, by show of applause, we will crown this year's hay king

And Romeo doesn't call back after two dates.

And room for a plant, in success.

And so then I told... All right

And take Darryl Philbin out to lunch.

And thank God I'm not Darryl.

And that's actually when I heard

And the girl's like, "yeah."

And the goat roast is at 3:00

And the onion boil.

And the Scranton/Wilkes barre coupon book, Oscar Martinez.

And the shopgirl goes, "oh."

And the winner of the costume celebration spectacular

And then I pressed the buzzer again,

And then I take it to Gabe.

And then I told them, giving Darryl full credit.

And then Julia Roberts goes,

And then they will split those commissions with sales.

And then we will have Erin pick it out of the hat

And then work our way up to "Death Drop."

And then, this morning,

And there are a lot of other people

And there don't seem to be any consequences.

And there is no middle ground.

And there's a button that I can press,

And they looked right at me, and then they looked away.

And they say the rates have never been lower.

And they started taking pictures of me

And they wanted me to double check...

And tick off a few boxes,

And we are going to straighten this out.

And we teach those snobs a lesson.

And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably, like, a two.

And yet, very helpful to everyone.

And you can't vote for yourself.

And you don't ever get to see your pictures.

And you drag me over the coals.

And you kept me at the same level for years.

And you know what I'd like?

And you want us to ask that?

Andy, how does it... no, no, no.

Angela as a nurse.

Angela? Angela!

Anyone can just throw numbers up on a chart.

Apparently theres a famous Hollywood movie

Apparently, corporate is going to have

Are you distracting these people?

Are you guys meeting about Wuphf?

Are you making with that costume, Kevin?

Are you serious?

As a naked old man in a gym locker room.

As it were.

As ol' Dwight Schrute's mom.

As planned.

As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter

At a fancy store because she does not look wealthy.

At least.

Awesome.

Awesome.

Aye.

Aye. Aye.

Aye. Aye.

Baby, baby, baby... I think I'm gonna sue you.

Bankruptcy?

Be careful what you wish for, Toby.

Because I was a little nervous about coming to work here

Because I was a little nervous about coming to work here

Because I've never actually been skiing.

Because no matter how much she resists,

Because she spent the whole date talking about you

Because the pitcher wasn't going to be able to play

Because they need to grip the broom.

Because we don't get invited to a ton of Halloween parties.

Been probed by Alf.

Best Edward James Olmos costume I've ever seen.

Big, painful breakup I don't know about?

Bill Compton from true blood

Blacula.

Brought together

But I deal with it 'cause it's policy. See what I mean?

But I don't care about nobody!

But I don't care if I forget today.

But I never said it out loud, so...

But I... It's not right

But I'm off to a good start.

But I'm saying right now, we can't do that.

But I'm saying right now, we can't do that.

But I've got a chance to do some good here.

But I've learned to love again.

But into adversity, and for that, I thank the Lord.

But it also sucks for us,

But it helps.

But it just may be a lunatic

But it's gonna cost you three more bucks.

But it's not for...

But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move

But Jim doesn't want to put his costume on.

But Pam got really offended.

But she did a good job.

But sometimes twos can be wild, so watch out.

But the world shines on Mose.

But then, corporate comes up with this idea.

But then, I don't know,

But then, like, her fours looked like eights, and then...

But there was this one thing.

But there's a lower half.

But this could work.

But we can't come to your party tonight.

But why did it keep you from going to the park?

But you also called her the second time,

But you know what, even if he doesn't,

But you know what?

But you know what? You can't help people.

But, my punishment is, um,

But, uh, he looks much less threatening now.

By an alien life force

By me.

By playing games, drawing some pictures, talking?

By taking the pitcher out.

Bye, Stanley. Love you.

Can we move this to the end of the day?

Can you at least try to look busy?

Can you believe that?

Can you get every department head's signature on this,

Can you imagine? It's just crazy.

Can you just admit...

Can't talk, saving the planet.

Canberra I think, and she met this guy

Cancel all your business with the steamtown mall!

Chain of command is crumbling.

Chain of command. Do you understand?

Chapter one. I was born, not into luxury nor poverty,

Check this out.

Come on in, enjoy!

Come on. We're going to Danny's bar.

Come out here and embrace who you really are,

Commission comes out to

Consider it a wuphf in person.

Corporate chain of command.

Corporate stole nothing.

Could be.

Could I get one of those nameplates

Could you for once just let us enjoy a party

Creed's going?

Darryl brings it to Michael. Michael brings it to me.

Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy

Darryl, creed's a maybe.

Did I truck 300 bales of hay to a parking lot

Did you ever think of Wuphf as an emergency notification system,

Did you hear about that Danny guy?

Did you just say you remember him?

Did you know that there is a daycare center

Did you prank Dwight? No.

Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful

Do my time.

Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay.

Do not talk like that, Stanley.

Do you know what just happened?

Do you know who I am?

Do you mind if we share this bale?

Do you think Kevin is going over my head?

Do you wanna play another game?

Does anybody know that password?

Does anyone remember what her dad smelled like?

Doesn't have that great a time,

Don't

Don't forget to make a broom.

Don't laugh at me.

Don't you work here full time?

Don't... slow it down.

Dorky.

Dracula.

Dressing up as somebody...

Drivers sell paper on their routes now.

Dwight is my king up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid.

Dwight Kurt Schrute.

Dwight, show them all sides, turn around.

Dwight?

Earth.

Eating my penis... I mean peas.

Eating our private meal, cooked by our private chef.

Ed truck hired me. Jo promoted me.

Eight male voices singing,

Eight years

Eldred called it "Hay World."

Email, Facebook, Twitter, and homescreen.

Erin, would you please do me a solid..

Erin. Er...

Escape is impossible.

Even if you don't work hard.

Even when I was a kid, it just felt like something

Eventually, lawyers were brought in. But...

Every fall, growing up,

Everyone has to vote for who gets the coupon book,

Everyone keeps blowing that out of proportion.

Everyone realizes this coupon book

Everyone was getting their driver's license

Everyone, follow me to the shelter.

Everyone, let's give Darryl a round of applause

Everyone, you heard me

Everyone's like, "Hey, dude, what's up

Exactly what the two of you wanted me to see.

Excuse me, everyone. Sex!

Extra products.

Feeding trough, play bucket,

Feels almost passive aggressive

Fifty thousand condoms out of the sky.

Flown by our private pilot,

For Danny.

For discrimination!

For infants and toddlers.

For me, it's the walk from the yogurt shop

For my current investors, things are going great.

For precious heirlooms.

For the past few months,

For us kids to play in. We called it "Hay Place."

Friends fight. Friends fight.

From the 1980s... beautiful girl.

From the fact that I was...

Fun, communication, connection.

Gabe Lewis.

Gabe listened to me.

Gabe. He messed it up.

Garbage magnet. Garbage magnet.

Gay ba..

Gay...

Get us out of this.

Getting into Halloween this year.

Given how much people are walking on eggshells around us.

God, magnets are interesting enough.

Good laugh for a regular idea.

Good night, everybody.

Good!

Good.

Got to get in on this.

Great costume

Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company.

Great.

Guys, you're arguing over a 1 in 16 chance.

Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters

Halpert, you looking for someone to bang your wife?

Handbag.

Happy Halloween, jerk!

Happy Halloween.

Has to fall in love or anything.

Have some faith in this idea.

Hay stacking, hay throwing...

He didn't call her back.

He has a lot of issues, and he's stupid.

He is selfish and lazy and image obsessed, and he is a bad friend.

He messed up the forms, I bet.

He really respected the manager.

He says no.

He thought of that way before the corporate fat suits.

He threw 'em on the ground!

He took me to a baseball game once, I remember

He went over my head.

He went over your head to go behind your back.

He went to Gabe behind your back.

He's a cartoon sailor. [scoffs] no.

He's a warrior

Hear you're looking for work.

Heard he used to date Pam.

Heh, I'm not the only one who sees this, right?

Hell, I can even sleep on a fence.

Hello! Welcome to Hay Place. A place for hay.

Hello! Welcome to Hay Place. A place for hay.

Hello?

Hello.

Help! Hello?

Her daddy pulled her aside and said,

Here is the language skills

Here she comes.

Here we go. Okay?

Hey, back off. It's solitaire.

Hey, can I play?

Hey, congratulations. Do you know what your prize is?

Hey, Dwight, you saw Darryl move it, right?

Hey, I'm Wuphf. I'm Facebook.

Hey, it's cool, man.

Hey, Jim?

Hey, kid.

Hey, kids, was that fun?

Hey, Pam. I don't wanna be a lousy snitch.

Hey, she had a nice time. It seems rude.

Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there.

Hey, what's the crowd like, Danny?

Hey.

Hey. It's an ambush here.

Hi, Darryl. Come out here, please.

Hi, Michael.

Hmm, Kevin and Gabe.

Hmm, thank you.

Hold up. That clock is slow.

Honestly, I didn't call you back

How about now?

How about now?

How about now?

How about now?

How can I haunt you today?

How far can you reach those lovely long arms of yours?

How long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours?

How long do you think a week is?

How many freakin' vampires

How tragic.

How's everybody doing?

How's it going, bro? Good, good, bro.

I actually have a degree in social work.

I almost forgot.

I always wanted to be hay king.

I am never gonna forget

I am not budging on the hat issue.

I am on the first hot sales streak of my life.

I am Popeye.

I am supposed to be olive oil.

I am your boss, and if you have something to say,

I ate two whole apples

I blew this.

I bought poles.

I can come back and get it for you later,

I can pretty much sell anything.

I can't believe this doesn't make you mad.

I committed corporate punishment.

I did. Yeah.

I didn't call her back

I didn't want to become editor of that paper.

I do have big plans at this company.

I do, I do. This isn't right.

I don't care.

I don't even want to think about selling

I don't have this sales gene or whatever it is.

I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things

I don't know.

I don't know. They're both handsome.

I don't know...

I don't know... Just use the best one.

I don't like your tone.

I don't need your help,

I don't need your help!

I don't think it's gonna work out the way you think.

I don't think you get it.

I don't understand the point of the hat.

I don't want it to be someone who can be me.

I don't... oh, my God.

I entered the sale, and I hit enter and I said, "Dunh duh na dah!"

I feel like you might win the whole thing with that.

I forget nothing.

I found the needle in the haystack!

I get that. I get that.

I go over other people's heads.

I got a bunch of fun stuff,

I got in the way. I said no.

I got it.

I got it.

I got this. It's okay. Don't worry about this.

I gotta work on this.

I guess I'm not the kind of guy that's good enough

I guess that's fair.

I guess you could say I'm still in costume.

I had to write an op ed column every day: Bernard's regards

I happened to have been working a very long day that day,

I hate to say this, but...

I have always been a fighter. Sorry.

I have ambition.

I have gone through everything from the past three years.

I have no choice but to pick the hay king myself.

I have no idea why." okay.

I have nothing but ideas. The thing is, they all require money.

I have ten seconds to explain them

I help you with your things, and you help me with my things.

I just made Kevin cry.

I just wanna see how it works.

I just want everything to be back

I just wanted to make sure things weren't weird.

I know how to sit on a fence.

I know my rights, all I had to do

I learn more from Dr.** than from Dr. Froyd.

I like it.

I love it.

I love you, but I'm kind of busy,

I made a mistake.

I made some changes to my book. See if you like them.

I make everybody nervous. Aah!

I make one mistake in 15 years

I make the final decision. Period.

I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment

I mean, I know a lot of people

I mean, I'm not saying that everybody

I mean, I'm starting to think

I mean, isn't this where you fell in love?

I mean, it might help to get some context

I mean, when has that ever worked for you?

I mean, wouldn't you think

I pick..

I present to you the "rational consumer."

I really want that coupon book.

I recommend using a real camera.

I said to Ryan, "I try to call you,

I see you found our magical toy box, Jim.

I sell her those carrots.

I sent you a Facebook message yesterday,

I started to ask myself "do I have big plans here?"

I still haven't heard anything back.

I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.

I think "Lozenge" is the one who installed it.

I think an investors' ski trip, frankly, is the best idea.

I think it all comes from feeding Cece,

I think it all stems

I think she gave me her number,

I think we might be about to maybe really get somewhere.

I think we're looking real good.

I think you are wrong.

I thought it might make me feel better.

I told him that there was this one cool move

I wanna do all six hours today.

I wanna go on it again.

I wanna smash it!

I want my money back.

I want to invite you all to the Halloween party

I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse.

I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being.

I was hooked.

I was looking at a trail map,

I was probed.

I was talking to someone at corporate.

I was talking...

I was too old for, heh.

I will not sell.

I will see you all tomorrow.

I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room.

I wish they didn't, but it's policy. So, I respect it, and I just

I won't let you down.

I won't sell. And you know what?

I wonder why, uh...

I work in the warehouse.

I worked at the student newspaper,

I would like to have all the racists

I would rather go broke betting on my people

I would ride up Magnolia Street and down Azalea Lane,

I... Yes.

I'd remember talking about Jim.

I'll get it right away.

I'll take the wizard.

I'll talk to them.

I'm a beet farmer, id...

I'm a little peeved at Darryl right now.

I'm a rational consumer.

I'm betting on myself.

I'm cool!

I'm doing it.

I'm embarrassed.

I'm gonna come with you. Okay.

I'm gonna need some more time.

I'm gonna Sue this entire company

I'm good.

I'm having at my bar.

I'm hip and I'm jive,

I'm just glad we're gonna try it out.

I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point.

I'm just saying, but to, you know,

I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay.

I'm like an elephant in that way.

I'm listening.

I'm looking for new sources of revenue.

I'm not blaming you.

I'm not blind! I know exactly who he is.

I'm not Darryl.

I'm not mad. Are you mad?

I'm pretty sure I timesed it right.

I'm really sorry,

I'm sorry, nine days until what?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was a jerk.

I'm sure no one asked you to do that.

I'm terribly sorry about what happened.

I'm the office administrator!

I'm trying everything

I'm..

I've been the office administrator,

I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, and taken a multivitamin.

I've done my part for the nice guy. Now I want a bedroom set.

I've never really been a costume guy.

If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right?

If I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob,

If I have to vote for someone

If I was the real Scranton strangler,

If it's a really... really good idea,

If it's an important event that you want to remember,

If they're good ideas, I'm not gonna say no

If this works out,

If we disagree with Gabe.

If you had one word you would use to describe Darryl,

If you said "I'm sorry" in front of everybody...

If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell.

If you want us to skip this party...

If you're gonna do your job well here...

In a competitive business environment.

In between the historical reenactment of the Dunmore farm slaughters

In case my daughter ever comes over.

In the future, you need

In the middle of the day!

In the park playing with another kid.

In the world.

In this office who have money at stake

In which this sex worker, who is the protagonist...

Including "at risk for homicidal behavior."

Including a costume contest and bobbing for apples

Instead of a boycott,

Instead of making it about all your issues?

Is about the office administrator.

Is I kind of look like Michael Moore.

Is it any particular branch of Washington University?

Is making people act weird.

Is not actually worth $15,000, right?

Is price something that is important to you?

Is sit here for six hours.

Is that really how you feel about Michael's situation?

Is that you only think about the user, the experience.

Is that your salary is almost all commission.

Is there no limit to what he won't notice?

Is this job really about the money for you, Jim?

Is up 8,000% in sales.

Isn't that right? Yes. You alone do, actually.

It feels like that.

It goes through me,

It is 5:00.

It makes your job superfluous.

It was a good idea, though.

It was better down in the warehouse, you know?

It was in a fancy store,

It was weird, though; They took the pitcher

It will be a bonding experience.

It will be the scam of all scams.

It's a bad bet.

It's a great stick, right?

It's a new corporate policy.

It's actually a really great idea,

It's all guys.

It's all over.

It's just a regular idea, but there's no

It's kind a bad ass, right?

It's not even a history. Exactly.

It's not like you guys had some long relationship, right?

It's not that we don't believe in the company.

It's on the other side of town.

It's over, it's done.

It's really good. Classic.

It's saying the server went down?

Jim and Pam really don't want you to go?

Jim,

Just by screaming anything.

Just give it a whirl.

Just imagine that you're at spring break at Daytona Beach.

Just like I believe in all of you.

Just made her first sale.

Just seems kind of crazy in the way I might need right now.

Just tell her the real reason.

Just to see what they're missing.

Just wanted to say thanks again

Keep a low... You know, I look away.

Kelly! You cannot change costumes

Know what it was?

Lady gaga moves that he could do for the catwalk,

Lake Erie.

Lame.

Late every day this week.

Let it go.

Let me put my shoes on.

Let's do it to it.

Let's just say I saw

Let's just speed this up.

Let's not pretend to be unaware

Let's say you do get the money.

Like freaky good.

Like gnaw, gnaw. "why? Why didn't he?

Like next Halloween.

Like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks?

Listen, I know you really like Ryan...

Look at that!

Look at that.

Look, I know I've tapped you so hard.

Look, I'm just glad we can laugh about it,

Look, they were sold out

Look, this is a marketing campaign. You got nine days.

Looks like someone decided to dress up

Lord of the Rings stuff?

MacGruber!

MacGruber!

Madge from the warehouse

Madge.

Make a definitive statement, Gabe.

Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo.

Maybe I deserve this.

Maybe we could do it...

Maybe you've heard of it.

Me! I am your hay king!

Michael,

Michael, are you that blind?

Michael, I think that that feeling only goes one way.

Michael, I...

Michael, this is a bad idea.

Might have something to do with the prize.

Mixed Bred.

Mmm hmm.

Money!

Most like that of her father.

Must really make you think, Michael.

My bad.

My bad.

My best friend in High School, she went to Australia,

My daughter off on Sunday afternoons

My father was a man. That's all we can know.

My gym allows it.

My Uncle Eldred used to build us a maze out of hay bales

My wife passed away a few years ago.

Never!

New investors are key, though. That's actually why I came in today

Nine days, though. That's, like...

No idea where Creed came from.

No one calls Jo.

No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.

No way, Jose!

No, he didn't go behind my back,

No, I got some work to do.

No, I meant...

No, I think you should make time for it.

No, I won't even consider it.

No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else?

No, no, no, I wasn't. I was just laughing at your joke.

No, no, no.

No, no, Oscar, it's not a digital **** whistle.

No, not this weekend. Next weekend.

No, shh, Michael, listen. This cannot stand.

No, we, um...

No, what...

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Nobody here believes in this company

Nobody needs your help.

Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody.

Nope.

Nope.

Not here, no.

Not one for fancy things.

Not so matching.

Nothing. Life lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing.

Now I know.

Now that I have your attention...

Now, a lot of you have already staked out

Now, listen here, Gabe, you're too fat.

Now, today we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.

Nudity makes me uncomfortable. Okay.

Of all the other costumes, okay?

Of extravagant wealth, but instead of shopping...

Of what sells in this office.

Oh ho. That's very funny.

Oh, boom! Ohh, explosion!