Man with a Plan (2016) - Season 3 Edit

A All right, everybody, calm down.

A And as a peace offering,

A And I haven't lost my taste for danger.

A And we're both wearing ties.

A billion.

A brother's work is never done.

A day will come when all your husband wants to do

A door is like a teenager's favorite thing, and I took it!

A father and son meet in the playoffs.

A father's work is never done.

A giant painting of a tricycle?

A good con man sells you what you already want to buy.

A home health care nurse for after your knee surgery.

A list of banks. We'll split up

A little high maintenance about the hero thing.

A little less Peruvian, a little more Home Depot vian.

A little while longer.

A little, I said.

A little?

A million baby pictures of you,

A neighbor came by...

A position of power to manipulate people.

A soft bed would be nice after a long day of riding.

A tie is not a napkin.

A TV, Lowell!

A walk is the least you can do

A woman probably did it anyway.

A55 4U. Huh.

About him being the favorite was to trick him.

About him being your hero?

About how I have to put sunscreen on Don's back

About how you can't go on that trip.

About Mr. T in the haunted house.

About staying in some dirty old cabin.

About Teddy putting that kid on the ground.

About to stick a ruler in the snow.

About you hiring Funchy.

About your knee surgery.Oh.

About your mother.

Absolutely not, okay?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I'm vibrating right now.

Actually, I have some good news.

Actually, I think we can do something with this.

Actually, I'm a vegan now.

Actually, we're gonna use the money to buy a house

Adam and I are good.

Adam Burns for the win.

Adam ditched us.

Adam doesn't tell me what to do.

Adam just said wait in the pantry.

Adam ruined everything, forever and ever.

Adam said he needed it.

Adam,

Adam, do we have a...

Adam, I am the protector of this family, okay?

Adam, I believe Kelly's changed.

Adam, I don't like this.

Adam, I have a wonderful husband and three loving children.

Adam, I want you to go on this motorcycle trip.

Adam, I'm so sorry.Well, what about me?

Adam, I'm worried.

Adam, she... she's not a monster.

Adam, stop it. She's being sweet.

Adam, this is my date Melanie.

Adam, we love you

Adam, what's wrong, honey? Are...? Oh.

Adam, you didn't tell me she had a glass jaw.

Adam, you're back to last man out if there's a bear attack.

ADAM: All right.

ADAM: Andi!

ADAM: Come on!

ADAM: Dad,

ADAM: Did you get Dad

ADAM: Hey. [stammers]

ADAM: I'm telling you, Teddy,

ADAM: She's laughing.

ADAM: Shh.

ADAM: Smell good all you want, I'm taking you to Don's.

ADAM: So we tell our wives

ADAM: So,

Adam? Okay, fine.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam. Andi! Dad!

Adam. Hmm?

Adam. How'd you find me?

Adam...

Adam's just mad because I told Kate

Adjusting to being single

After a rat problem ooh.

After I finished a three pound lobster.

After we made love.

Afternoon, men.

Again? You already know this stuff.

Agree to disagree.Oh...

Ah, here comes Mom, she's gonna kill me.

Ah, Joe, there you are.

Ah, Miss Popovich. She made algebra sexy.

Ah, o okay.

Ah, oh!

Ah, she's funny.

Ah, so I guess we just white knuckle it

Ah, that was some good chicken.

Ah, yes, the march of the penguins.

Ah! Our monkey's safe!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Crosscourt smash.

Ah. Hey, Lowell, see if anyone owns the name WallHoleUSA.com.

Ah. I pull all the strings in this family.

Ah...

Ah...![laughs]

Ah.And if you

Ain't that right, Sheriff?

All alone, like I knew you would be.

All boys pick their dads as their heroes.

All complaints should be filed with the trip captain.

All he wants to do is sit around.

All he'll hear is that I'm going out with another guy.

All I ask is that you don't do anything practical

All I can say is, I've had pepper spray in my purse

All I'm saying is consider the possibility

All of a sudden, being divorced is working in my favor.

All of a sudden, he slowed down.

All right,

All right,

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right, hold your horses, little lady.

All right, all right, take it easy, champ.

All right, come on, we're burning daylight.

All right, come on. I'll fix it.

All right, come on. We better get going.

All right, Don and I have a big surprise.

All right, get your stuff.

All right, good game.

All right, got it.

All right, hey, Mom and Dad.

All right, I don't need any more lectures.MARCY: No, no.

All right, I like that you're trying.

All right, I'll let you two have some brother time.

All right, I'll try it.

All right, let me ask you this: what do you want more?

All right, let's do this.

All right, let's party.

All right, listen up.

All right, look. Okay, we both have some good points,

All right, see you later, Kel Bell.

All right, that's the spirit, Andi.

All right, then we get to be the next 45 presidents.

All right, well, I have some paperwork to do,

All right, well, I have to go fill out these purchase orders,

All right, well, that that that's okay.

All right, well, you think about it.

All right, what is it?

All right, you are not going on that trip.

All right!

All right?

All right? Like, check this out.

All right? You use your words, or you get an adult.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Teddy, your snack is ready!

All right. That's it.

All right. Yes.

All she does is judge you.

All that pregnancy stuff, so I can laugh without peeing.

All the light bulbs are working.

All the time, so I thought I'd come

All these years, his feelings have been hurt.

All they wanted was a guys' trip,

All we have left is the backsplash?

All we need to work on is hitting.

All you ever said was it was boring.

All you had to do was fake it.

All you have to do is save the planet from aliens. Easy.

All you really need is the hub.

Also known as lying.

Also, Don, I have terrible news.

Also, he needs more coddling than you.

Although you set a high bar sexually,

Although, it does make me wonder,

Although, it does sound familiar.

Although, we should probably put one on the books for her.

Am I crazy, or did he just say something helpful?

Am I really the only voice of reason around here?

Am I right?Hey, hey.

Am I still in trouble?

An Andy Wall Hole.

And Wait. Where's Don and Marcy?

And "chi."

And a pair of professors who thought they were barren

And Adam was in a bad mood the whole night.

And after all that modern parenting,

And all I can say is,

And all you had to do was fake some interest.

And all you're doing is making us both look like amateurs.

And also, to keep in my pocket

And Andi pointed out that people can change.

And Angelina Jolie.

And angry Romanians, you made a good point.

And as such, I'm saying no to that Peruvian tile.

And believe me, those two guys have got a lot of worms.

And close the lid.

And consideration, but that's just not my bag.

And dads teach them how to defend themselves

And decided to parent on your own.

And dedicated.

And Don got mayonnaise on his.

And don't forget to dream.

And don't put it in your desk; you'll spend all day

And dream I never said it.

And finishing my crossword puzzles,

And for next time,

And freaked out and the next thing I knew,

And from now on, I will watch my tone

And Funchy's pushing me too hard.

And get Emme flowers

And get to as many as possible.All right.

And got all the shots Don told me I needed.

And got rid of it everywhere else.

And hair and... deliciousness.

And he asked if he could

And he didn't even ask you how you felt about it, did he?

And he got all weepy when they asked

And he hasn't been on a dirt bike in years.

And he just snapped right back, like a curly hair.

And he said I was very special,

And he's been in our bed ever since.

And high school... and when my wife left.

And how we handle this is gonna decide

And I am back on the wagon.

And I am not gonna be that wife that sticks up for you.

And I apologized to that wedding.

And I can admit this to you

And I can't get him to listen to reason.

And I definitely got the good sister. Aw.

And I didn't pick you, and I am really, really sorry.

And I don't see any reason we shouldn't get it.

And I explicitly said that Teddy shouldn't watch that movie.

And I fell in the hole they dug.

And I figured that out

And I get the hat?

And I got to fix it.

And I got to get 'em out of me.

And I have meetings the rest of the day.

And I just happened to find it.

And I know it was a mom owl because she handled it

And I know what hummus is.

And I know you like a nice, hot meal.

And I know you'd do anything for your wife.

And I laughed for ten minutes.[laughter]

And I love having my sister back.

And I love you enough to tell you

And I might be eligible for a service dog.

And I need my arms. That's where I keep my hands.

And I only invited two girls over.

And I screwed it all up.

And I sleep like a baby.

And I started thinking, as I accidentally jumped a ditch.

And I think that's amazing.

And I think we helped him.

And I think you'll be impressed.

And I think: What are they smiling about?

And I told her I wanted $20,000.

And I told Teddy, "No, you can't jump over Emme

And I try to handle it nicely every year so nobody gets upset.

And I want you to apologize to those kids from the playground.

And I wanted to give you my old boxing gloves.

And I was gonna go grab a granola bar for sustenance.

And I won't ask why he likes it.

And I'll tell you, the sky looks a little bluer.

And I'm all out of Milanos.

And I'm announcing it in front of the whole family.

And I'm feeling crazy strong.

And I'm gonna start doing those exercises.

And I'm keeping the bracelet.

And I'm not gonna put mayonnaise on him?

And I'm the...

And I'm thinking you might be more likely to help us

And I'm too afraid to watch them alone.

And I'm worried about Lowell.

And if Don's the only one there to help me, I'll die.

And if we can't sell it, we could lose the whole business.

And if you are, help us.

And if you guys could've seen the faces on those animals,

And in our relationship, he's the mom.

And in the morning, we can steal our own shampoo.

And it'll rub off on him.

And it's driving me crazy.

And it's Emme's turn now.

And it's gonna look a little something like this.

And it's just nice to think that

And it's no big deal. What do you say?

And it's not true. Uh, the other day,

And it's supposed to be,

And just to make everything fair,

And just walk out right in front of you?

And let him do his thing.

And let him know we're okay.

And let Katie learn about consequences.

And let the bears have their way with me?

And Lowell wants me to come back again tomorrow, but...

And Lowell's all emotional.

And maybe maybe

And meaner.

And my words don't work, and there's no adults around?

And no one screws with my team.

And now it's too late.

And now you're not leaving because of me.

And now you're screwed.

And now, I am telling you, "No," okay?

And now, thanks to you, I got a giant sad kid on my couch,

And number two: no wives.

And on Friday morning,

And on to smooth sailing.

And one of the things I'm best at is being humble.

And only 96 other men can say that.

And per your request, here it is,

And pick one of my boys to be the new trip captain.

And put your feet up on the dashboard,

And said my body heat would warm it up.

And said we'd look better if you were the only bad one.

And say that to everyone that walks by?

And see if I can take a punch?

And see who can keep this secret the longest.

And sees that all your stuff is gone,

And she asked for some baby pictures.

And she changed the locks on our house.

And she has zero vibes.

And she is notgonna sleep forever.

And she nursed it back to health.

And she wasn't that good a wife.

And she went rogue.He went rogue first.

And she's in a wheelchair, hobbled with loneliness,

And she's looking for revenge.

And she's told it to everybody

And shoes that need de poopifying, and...

And since Dad just called them "little beer grabbers,"

And since we're coming clean,

And some aspirin.

And someone gave me a breath mint

And someone said let's go to the moon, nobody asked why.

And sometimes that comes in handy. Mm hmm.

And sometimes, that's better than a family.

And songs around the piano.

And surprise Adam when it's all done.

And talk about people's feelings.

And tell you I'm sorry.

And that clocked in at just under 12 minutes.JOE: Yeah.

And that is how you get around that.

And that works?

And that's why today you are a little funny.

And that's you, Andi.

And the "maybe" meant, "only if I thought it was a good idea,"

And the doctor said he should hire a home health care nurse

And the guys riding Marshmallow Flats, they...

And the kids never turn off a light.

And the lawyer says I can't have any.

And the more they look, the more they see.

And the the pantry is really the heart of the home.

And then bringing it up later. [chuckles]

And then he moved away, so you can't ask him.

And then I made up a story

And then I put Julian on the ground,

And then I realized I forgot my phone here.

And then I'll say,

And then if you're sitting, I can hover right over you.Uh huh.

And then it just goes away.

And then not tender when it's "not tender time."

And then repeat the process until we own this city.

And then she started listing all the other things I do

And then to seal the deal,

And then we can get started.Mm hmm.

And then we can lift them up like little skirts.

And then we can start the interview.

And then we phoned in the third.

And then we still went upstairs.

And then we'll all get a good night's sleep.

And then we'll do a big send off after Fried Chicken Friday.

And then you blew it.

And then you crashed?

And then you crashed?No, there was no crash!

And then you'll say, "Yo no sabia eso."

And then you're screwed.

And then, I got so distracted thinking about how right I was,

And there it is.

And there's differences between moms and dads.

And there's one person at this table he'll listen to.

And there's someone else I haven't been good enough for,

And they don't support high end finishes.

And they make the lids on pickle jars too tight.

And they still landed on the moon.

And they were too scared to tell us.

And they're really fast now; it was like riding a rocket.

And this is macaroni and cashew cheese.

And those cave kids were so well rested,

And those parents... are sitting on our couch.

And throwing and catching.

And tough guy over there wouldn't take the Tums.

And try and get Don to fall into it.

And Veal Patrick Harris.

And voluntarily spoke to me. She... she said,

And we did stand for a little bit.

And we don't get any work done.

And we feel like we're losing you.

And we feel like we're losing you.

And we let you down.

And we put out that blaze with honey mustard.

And we would put them in the fridge for you.

And we'll take one from far away so you look small.

And we're good looking.

And we're saving animals' lives.

And what about her husband, Eggy Van Halen?

And what could be more fun than adding me?

And what if one of 'em bites me there?

And when I picked her up, she loved me so much.

And when it does, I'm gonna say "I told you so,"

And when you're older, if you get in your girlfriend's car

And while I feel like I have the upper hand,

And why I said you couldn't have anybody over.

And why'd they name the chickens after famous people?

And windows steaming up.

And yet you're still a bonehead.

And you all alone.

And you are not gonna back down now, so get up.

And you didn't do anything?

And you do the same with Teddy.

And you don't think that's suspicious?

And you end up a milky eyed drifter, that's on you.

And you had a hard time admitting when you were wrong.

And you had a real black shoe, white sock problem.

And you keep marrying us proves my point.

And you know the real reason to get a nurse

And you know what I realized at 2:00 this morning?

And you know what rhymes with "hero"?

And you know what worms catch?

And you know who I saw, drinking an Icee,

And you know who's been there every time doing the same thing?

And you know, I've checked

And you look smoking hot in a hard hat.

And you understand that no is the end of it.

And you'd just dress them up funny all the time.

And you're doing your best.

And you're gonna need some help.

And you're on my team now,

And you're rich.

And you're trying to get out by digging deeper.

And your back gets better, I am fine with it.

And your mocking names only make me want to go more.

And your mother's boring stories.

And your pillow completely forgot how I wanted to sleep.

And, um, it turns out that there is a nice hotel

And, you know, I wouldn't normally do this

And, you know, maybe I should've

And... and do you know what veal is?

And... and... you don't want me to have a desk at work.

And... then he said he was moving away

Andi and Bev have rotten husbands,

Andi and Don would like me to tell you

AndI can keep an eye on you, because you can only go as far

Andi doesn't know how business creeps operate.

Andi found the lease to this place and thinks maybe

Andi got you a shirt.Lowell!

Andi has no idea.

Andi loves hotels.

Andi sees me have breakfast at home,

Andi starts work with us tomorrow,

Andi won't be mad; it's a second breakfast, not a second wife.

Andi, everybody likes Godzilla.

Andi, get me a frying pan and an egg.

Andi, get my tools.

Andi, I know you were upset with Adam, but this week,

Andi, I was so excited you're coming on the trip,

Andi, prepare yourself for some good old fashioned...

Andi, we need to talk.

ANDI: Here's your muscle rub

ANDI: I can't believe

ANDI: Leave the chips.

ANDI: Maybe you're having trouble

ANDI: Oh. Okay. Let go. Let go!

ANDI: Okay, I made

ANDI: Ooh.

ANDI: So,

ANDI: So, Emme,

ANDI: That loan guy

Andi! When you met me, I was in a bar,

Andi.

Andi's going? What happened to your system?

Andi's making her a four star breakfast.

Andi's not gonna let me come back tomorrow.

Andi's still mad about that tile,

Angelina's just a lady with a bunch of kids now,

Anne Hatch away and her finger licking friends

ANNOUNCER: Next up, Emme Burns.

Another option might be to give him a little Batsuit

Another piece of space history for you.

Any sign of Katie?

Any sport I played, her sport was better.

Any toy I had, her toy was better.

Anyhoo, the money's already in my account.

Anyway, it's not happening. The answer's no.

Are are you sad 'cause your dad didn't know if you had a door?

Are going where they belong,

Are in the hands of masters here.

Are running around villages named Adam?

Are starting this new chapter together.

Are we straightening out the boozer or the gambler?

Are you a vegan or an American?

Are you cleaning?

Are you happy now?

Are you in or are you out?

Are you okay?

Are you saying my wife is less valuable than money?

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Are you seriously pretending to be okay right now?

Are you sure he loves it?

Are you sure? You're you're welcome to stay.

Aren't you listening?

Around the house with my pants around my ankles.

Artisan.

As a mom, I don't condone that.

As a single man, I understand how hard celibacy can be.

As good parents and then we just gave up.

As he is at picking heroes?

As long as you're here, Mommy can't do

As my hero instead of you.

As the cord will reach.

Ass For You concert at... Obermeyer College?

Ass For You is my workout jam.

At first it was awful,

At home it's great,

At least hear my side of the story.

At least know about Frank.

At NASA, they had an open bar in mission control

At our 50th anniversary party,

At the top it says Funchy. What's that?

At this point, I just hope a hawk flies off with me.

Automatic ball return.

Average joe?

Aw, forget it.

Aw, I've missed you, Kelly Belly.

Aw, that's sweet.

Aw, um, here's to 50 years young.

Aw, who am I kidding? I can't control myself.

Aw, you're sweet, but I know you want me there

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. I don't want to brag,

Aww, that's great.

Aww?

Aww. Hey, um, where do you want the delivery guy

Aww. Mm.

Babe.

Back off and let life teach her some lessons.

Bad. Thanks for asking.

Badminton.

Bathroom wise, it's much more efficient.

Be careful what you wish for.

Be confident, but not cocky.

Be on a date with another guy.

Bear spray?

Bears.

Because "yeah, maybe" means yeah.

Because Andi came out pretty strong against it.

Because Andi knows I'm a delight.

Because he only fishes topless.

Because I can draw a direct line

Because I enjoy having the moral high ground.

Because I have a feeling they'd hate it.

Because I know if you hear "guys' trip,"

Because I think you're a good person?

Because I thought it'd make you stronger,

Because I want you to eat them.

Because I'm not Teddy's,

Because I'm single now; and if your wives ask,

Because in real life, there's consequences.

Because it matched my teeth.

Because it's a school night, and I knew Dad wouldn't let me.

Because it's just temporary.

Because it's on you.

Because Lowell's such a basket case.

Because of this flip house.

Because she wants relationships with them.

Because she's bad for him.

Because she's so foxy.

Because somebody let him watch Nightmare on Elm Street.

Because that was our plan all along.

Because the new me's heart is much more sensitive.

Because the recital was so good.

Because then wecan go on a girls' trip.

Because they didn't get put on the ground as kids.

Because they're jackasses.

Because this is where the party happens.

Because we are haircut twins.

Because we both smell like meat.

Because we're having an intervention.

Because we're having an intervention.

Because with age comes wisdom, and with wisdom...

Because you always say I'm welcome to come.

Because you are a slimy, scheming...

Because you care about the kids way more than I do.

Because you don't make him feel comfortable talking about it.

Because you yell it at him every time you get the paper.

Because you're a sweet and sensitive man.

Because you're no better than me,

Because you're the mom.Yeah.

Because your old babysitter stole them.

Because, well, honestly, I couldn't tell the difference

Because, well, you're the bravest man I know.

Become a criminal, this is the first neighborhood I'm hitting.

Been thinking about ever since you mentioned it last week.

Before her, I never knew I loved scotch.

Before she blabs to our wives.

Before they show the kids.

Before we got married,

Before we start, I just want you to know

Before you do that, I should tell you.

Before you run out of spray. [growls, chuckles]

Behind us and start fresh.

Believe me.

Best of luck. [chuckles]

Between two oranges at the breakfast table

Between you picking Katie up

Between yours and Jen's.

Bev, he seems upset.

BEV: Oh, we can't wait.

Billy Joel hit on me one night.

Bless her little heart.

Blow some kisses. No time to waste.

Blowing out some birthday candles.

Blowing out your birthday candles?

Bon appétit, everyone.

Bonehead?

Boring. Remember how boring I tell you it is?

BOTH: By knowing what other people want.

BOTH: By knowing what other people want.

BOTH: Hi.

BOTH: I... I don't know.

BOTH: Pantry.

BOTH: Yeah...

Boy, it sounds like people are having a lot of fun out there.

Boys,

Brace yourself. I've got big news.

Bring her by tonight, okay?

Brush your teeth!

Buddy, you've been sleeping in here for two weeks.

Burns men don't do swan boats, Lowell.

Busted.

But a low pressure system is moving in.

But about the painting, thank you,

But Andi can never know.

But as a mom, I can't tell him to push another kid.

But at work, tie goes to the boss, so the answer's no.

But before you answer,

But better, because I didn't have to go through

But Dad and Don said, "No wives on the trip."

But Dad just said...Don't worry about Dad.

But don't try to track those pictures down.

But even then she hugged the phone tighter.

But fathers and sons?

But for the first time, Dad picked me,

But he just won't stop.Yeah.

But he'll be better at it.

But hearing Kelly say the words, "I'm jealous,"

But I am still not convinced

But I can save him from one of those.

But I can still go, right?

But I can't find any of them

But I can't tell the difference.

But I convinced you I was right.

But I couldn't do it.

But I did find a way

But I didn't drink anything.

But I didn't say anything.

But I don't want to compete with you anymore.

But I got told to slow down at least five times.

But I guess this is like the tortoise and the hare.

But I have kissed, and I must tell you, I liked it.

But I have to take Kate to the doctor,

But I hope you're not gonna say anything hurtful,

But I hurt my back.

But I invented the game.

But I just knocked your ass out.

But I keep growing, and I never get any closer.

But I knew you couldn't resist

But I love being Kelly's boyfriend.

But I should get home.

But I stuck with it too long.

But I think that's to make sure we never come back.

But I used your trick and she gave up on it,

But I won't be nice to him.

But I'd be back in if you wanted to go

But I'll be fine in a couple of days.

But I'll gladly take him outside and tune him up, if you want.

But I'll just come out and say it. Adam, say it.

But I'm a bit of a vibe guy.

But I'm gonna get in that barbecue grill

But I'm not complaining, I have new interests.

But I'm thinking I might get to know them better

But I've made it sound so boring, she doesn't want to go.

But if I ever kill something with a big head,

But if you want, we can talk about how much I love you, son.

But if you wanted it to be a guys' trip,

But if your knee is healed, you don't need him anymore.

But in business you need a boss who has final say

But in the end, you need to know you can depend on your family,

But in this office, we like to keep things nice and shallow.

But it changed the world.

But it doesn't matter what's onthe binder,

But it has a questionable foundation.

But it says, "Always stay magical."

But it's also why you bought a case of candy bars

But it's for the animals. Right, Katie?

But it's imported.

But it's none of our business.

But it's poignant.

But it's three feet long.

But life is complicated for us because we're vegan.

But like I say every year, you're always welcome to come.

But Marcy only talked to you because of me.

But maybe I'll just google the band to see

But no one else was allowed to go.

But no taking my temperature the baby way.

But not from you.

But now I feel bad.

But now it's time for me to step aside

But now that I'm a pro athlete,

But now that it burned off all my taste buds, I love it.

But on the way out, the nurse told me

But sauerkraut has hurt way more people than motorcycles.

But she never once replaced an empty toilet paper roll.

But she's not your wife, so you can say no to her

But shouldn't you do this one? I mean, last night

But since you can see right through me,

But sometimes... if your words don't work,

But still held his daughter on his bright red shoulders

But that was a good one.

But that'll take forever.

But that's not the kind of thing that Mommy'd understand.

But that's not the point. You were supposed to

But that's really "been there, done that," right?

But the good news is I got to pick you,

But the hotel just reopened,

But the low road is the road to revenge.

But the man I married is pathologically suspicious

But the only thing on my face

But the subject matter's quite disturbing.

But the thing is, it it started out kind of innocently.

But then I come back over here,

But then I noticed something: it didn't work.

But then you've escalated things quite a bit.

But then, in the year 2003,

But there are some things dads are better at.

But there is an upside.

But there's enough left for everyone to get a nice bonus.

But there's no deep end in the man pool.

But they won't bring it up because each of them thinks

But they're interrupted by moments of pure terror!

But this is what happened at home.

But this isn't like that.

But this movie is not gonna change how I feel.

But this one's hairy and drinks scotch.

But this whole sewer thing,

But those are all the things.

But Uranus has a weird bump on it.

But we can't. What? Why?

But we didn't do that thing we said before.Mm.

But we don't push people.

But we don't want to wake this sleeping angel.

But we have a streak.

But we lost the ball; now what do we do?Dang it, Adam!

But we need the loan.

But we'll donate to the animal rights people.

But we'll give a little money

But what kind of weirdo grown ups do we know

But when you chop them up into little pieces,

But why Lowell?

But with more laughs.

But without love and honesty, you can't be happy.

But women are stronger than us. They don't give up.

But y you get my point.

But you ambushed me before I could cover it up.

But you can't cuddle with an angry spoon.

But you know how many times I've seen her make you upset?

But you know, I'd just keep explaining how what I wanted

But you said you just got back from Tokyo.

But you should know I sharpened a carrot in here earlier,

But you went rogue.

But you won't miss me too much, because we're gonna

But you're so good at it.

But you've got a spark.

But your sewer line to the street needs to be replaced.

But, Dad, he's a great cook,

But, uh...

But, um, you're turning 50.

But, you know, 'cause I'm so forgiving,

But, you know, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not going.

But...

But...

Buyers are gonna be looking for something more custom.

By saying, "La historia de los conquistadores

By taking her to the airport.[groans]

By the way, I have a gift card for dinner, too.

By veering wildly from crazy strict to super easy.

By your loving husband to a hotel room

Called the Devil's Tailpipe.

Calm down. He just doesn't know the system.

Can a family survive it?

Can I bring a stool?

Can I finally drive your truck up the driveway?

Can I take over now? Where's the hat?

Can we get a warm welcome

Can we hurry this up? I left an old lady

Can you believe it? It's a real

Can you give her my sweater?

Can you hear me over there?

Can you please put your dirty glass in the sink?

Can't believe a word they say.

Captain Pants On Fire with them.

Captain Trip Killer seems upset.

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Caring about how your children feel

Ch...

Changed the all you can drink policy at two different bars?

Check out the coats we got for the cabin trip.

Check out those ribs, Andi.

Classic meat nap.

Climbing ladders, lifting stuff, you know.

Come and sit on Daddy's lap.

Come back over here.

Come in.

Come on, are you really gonna make this a thing?

Come on, Don, we both know better.

Come on, help me get them down.

Come on, honey,

Come on, honey, don't you think you're

Come on, honey.

Come on, I'll show you.

Come on, I'm serious.

Come on, join the dads.

Come on, let's hug it out.

Come on, stay focused. All right?

Come on, we got a surprise for you.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. You really think he's so thin skinned

Come pick them up with me.

Complaint denied. Next?

Complete with... a loving husband?

Confusing name for a meeting. I should be captain.

Considering how right I was about Teddy,

Contaminated, Andi!

Cooking for you guys is the least I can do.

Cool. I'm going to a concert Thursday night.

Could I?

Cows are designed to be eaten.

Crazy strict, super easy.

Crisp, elegant, a world above.

D Did you crash?

D Did you put Marcy up to this?

Dad and Don are buddies, and I should just stop chasing this.

Dad makes it to the finals.

Dad only takes you fishing for the shade.

Dad says I say, "Thanks for saving the trip."

Dad took my door!

Dad, are you okay?

Dad, that's stealing.

Dad, we agreed at the meeting. What happened?

Dad, we don't eat that anymore.

Dad, what are you doing here?

Dad?

Dad? Hmm?

Dad? Oh.Hey, guys.

Dad.

Daddy, marshmallow, hero. That's how you remember that.

Dads know better.

Damn it, Donny! Now we're screwed!

Damn right I will.

Damn, I guess that only works on Donny.

Damn, that's good.

Darling, love of my life, I already returned the tile.

Democracy. [scoffs] Good on paper.

Devil's Tailpipe.

Did he crash?No.

Did he really leave, or can I just not see him?

Did Mary Lou Retton get a hug

Did we come at a bad time?

Did you change things for me?

Did you enjoy it?

Did you even listen to the story?

Did you face the right way this time?

Did you get put on the ground as a kid?

Did you just roll your eyes?

Did you just say not "no"?

Did you just throw your back out

Did you not see the six pack I left in your truck?

Did you pass out in a flower patch?

Did you see that?

Did you see that? We didn't have

Did, uh, did Adam put you up to this?

Didn't have four legs when it met her?

Didn't see you there.

Do that now.

Do you guys think I look like Forrest Gump?

Do you hear anybody laughing out there?

Do you know that we single handedly

Do you know what I had to do to earn this desk?

Do you make breakfast like this all the time?

Do you need to write that on there? Or, y you'll remember.

Do you remember how much fun fun was?

Do you remember what I told you?

Do you think "roll in the hay" comes

Do you think he and Jen split up?

Do you think I said yes to this?

Do you?

Documented on paper.

Doesn't always listen to your ideas.

Doing what? What's the Devil's Tailpipe?

Don called a meeting after the meeting

Don handed it off to me.

Don, apologize to your brother.

Don, come be alone with me.

Don, cough it up.

Don, get those ribs out of the fridge.

Don, help me out?

Don, lighten things up.

Don, this is my kid's school.

Don, why don't you get Lowell a glass of wine?

DON: So, I have to warn you.

DON: Yeah.

Don!

Don!

Don.

Don. [chuckles]

Don. Andy Warhol?

Don...

Don't act like everything's fine.

Don't be disrespectful.

Don't bother getting a bed, just make a giant one of these.

Don't get in the hole, it's no points.

Don't get me used to that or you'll have to do it every day.

Don't just think of two.

Don't leave me alone with her anymore.

Don't look at me, you did it wrong.

Don't look at me. I wanted to hug her.

Don't say cooking and cleaning, boy.

Don't step on my moment, Andi.

Don't take me down with you.

Don't take this Teddy thing personally.

Don't tell the squares upstairs,

Don't they know what's coming?

Don't touch me.

Don't worry about me. I still got a few tricks up my sleeve.

Don't worry, baby.

Don't worry, brother.

Don't worry, Lowell.

Don't you remember when you promised

Don't.

Don't... don't you see what you did?

Done talking, final answer, no.

Done.

Donny boils it down nicely.

Donny, you know what to do.

Donny...

Down a mountain in Colorado.

Down the side of a mountain.

Downstairs. Now.

Drop the gun, take the cannoli.

Dump his beer cans into our trash.

Eat it like an oyster.

Eh eh eh?

Eh, it was Andi's wedding.

Eh, it's not big, but it's heavy.

Eh, thanks, but I'm okay.

Eh, that stuff's expensive.

Eh, too rhymey. We don't want that crowd.

Eh, we've done less.

Emme and I decided to only eat cake now.

Emme, honey, do you remember the name

Emme, where you going? Potato. Potato. Potato!

EMME: My eyes are closed.

Enjoy sleeping in a boxcar.

Enjoy the duck walk.

Enjoy your new phone.

Enjoy.

Enjoying your breakfast?

Enough of this beatnik nonsense.

Enough said.

Es muy fascinante."

Even if it's gross.

Even if you said it now would help.

Even on one leg, the old man smoked you.

Even things you love. Remember sauerkraut?

Even though it's a clear indication of deeper problems.

Even though it's a frozen yogurt place now.

Even though Teddy didn't pick you,

Everlasting Gobstopper of arguing.

Every day is Easter with my girl.

Every guy is after her.

Every morning, we just put you outside like a milk bottle.

Every so often, he surprises you.

Every time I try to shoot, he tickles me.

Every time she has to go.Yeah.

Every time.

Everybody go home.

Everyone knows that.

Everyone loves finding the remote.

Everyone needs to bust out once in a while.

Everything else you got locked down.

Everything is connected to the back. Even the front.

Everything!

Everything's gonna be fine. All right?

Exactly. Hey, like, look at our fridge, huh?

Exactly. Whoa.

Exactly. Yeah.

Exactly. You'll do the hit,

Excessive laughing.

Exercise number one: get up.

Face like a frustrated tomato.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Fake a baby picture.Pop in this binky,

February 11, huh?

February 11.

Feel bad about themselves.

Feelings don't make sense, Andi.

Fine, fine, fine.

Fine, he's sleeping with his high school teacher.

Fine, I'll go.

Fine, I'll have a nurse.

Fine, it was the butt.

Fine.

Fine. I wasn't supposed to tell you,

Fine. You did the opposite of what I wanted.

First thing you will need for sure:bear spray.

First you're fighting, then you're fooling around,

For 40 years.

For a half hour until security told me to move along.

For a very brave man

For Burns Brothers, you know?

For buying me those strawberry snack bars.

For during the rehab, but he won't agree.

For eating a hairy, backpack Slim Jim?

For four years, and I want to use it before it expires.

For Fried Chicken Friday.

For his high school baseball team.

For Legally Blonde: The Musical.[chuckles]

For our neighbors to read, how about

For our new interior decorator, Andi Burns?

For our whole working relationship.

For pretending to be a good person and care about Lowell?

For seven hours.

For some one night stand?

For the first time in the history of Wall Hole,

For tonight's match, I created a signature cocktail

For what?

For you to bite down on. This is gonna hurt.

For you to come to the office.

Forget Lowell I'll do the solar system.

Forrest Gumpis my favorite movie.

Four... three...

Fresh squeezed papaya juice, Kell?

Friday was his and Jen's movie night,

Friendly looking guy.

From a 30 year old claiming to raise money

From doing it in the hayloft?

From excited to worried to reluctant.

From his favorite son... Don.

From his list when a new batch of ribs is ready

From his pocket and asked me to reverse engineer it.

From my hit man Marcy.Yeah. You're right.

From New York?

From now on, this...

From now on, we're gonna give you morefreedom.

Fun follows me like a rainbow follows rain.

Fun.

Gave birth to a miracle baby named Marcy.

Gave them to me and she likes me and I'm not related to her.

Geez.

Gentlemen, I think we just invented a sport.

Get ahold of yourself, man.

Get all your stuff and let Jen know that you are moving on.

Get behind that, instead of fake getting behind

Get her, Marcy.

Get me up!

Ghoul is another word for ghost.

Give him one of your muscle relaxers.

Give it time.

Glass elevator.

Go ahead and have those girls over.

Go along with things to make me happy?

Go for Don.

Go get dressed for your recital?

Go get your pillow.

Go home, or I'm gonna call the cops.

Go tell that to Marcy.

Go with Don's solution.

Go, go! Get out!

God, Emme's great.

Going down swinging. I respect that.

Going on over here, so I told your mother that my nurse, uh...

Going rogue is a bad idea.You're right.

Good boy, Don, good boy.

Good bye, all.

Good for you. I call Kate's ribs.

Good job, buddy.

Good luck, everybody.

Good luck. He never changes his mind about anything.

Good morning, fellas.

Good morning, guys.Hey, morning, honey.

Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.

Good one, Pop.

Good thing there's a dad here.

Good, good, great. I am out of here.

Good. A And, and I hope we can put all this

Good. By the way,

Good. Now tell your brother thanks for saving the trip.

Good. Yep.

Got me a hug.

Grabbed some beer and snacks, and here I am.

Grandma, do you have that baby picture for my project?

Great choice.

Great party, honey.

Great story, Ma.

Great, and I will stick with work.

Great, now I got you and Lowell to worry about.

Great.

Great.

Great. Can you stand in front of my refrigerator

Great. I It's in Lowell's drawer.

Great. So are we good?

Great. What a happy surprise.

Grounded?

Grow up, Lowell. They're called knockers.

Growing up, she was always like this.

Guys, can I say something?

Guys, don't gang up on Adam.

Guys, I'm fine.

Guys, the flip house is really coming along.

H These are not shallow questions, honey.

H He just had his knee operation.

Ha ha!

Ha, ha. You were quiet, you thought we'd forget

Ha, I knew it! My tone is great.

Ha!

Ha! I knew it.

Ha! Masters!

Ha! No take backs!Wha...?

Ha! There it is.

Ha. He does. Baby.

Ha. Heh. Huh.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, little brother.

Happy birthday, son.

Happy to.

Have been over at Lowell's apartment every night this week.

Have come together to figure out the obvious!

Have fun.

Have fun. I love you.

Have you ever seen a sky that blue?

Have you over next week for rom yon.

Having a protein shake?

Having the guys there really did help.

He better not be calling long distance.

He can't even peel a banana.

He can't resist barbecue.

He did it.

He did not.

He didn't even hang up before he said "Andi has no idea."

He didn't get that from me.

He didn't want it, and now,

He does have some good comebacks.

He does not deserve the title of "ninja warrior."

He doesn't like your tone, either.

He drugged me.

He gets in my head.

He gives me everything you have, Andi.

He got me fair and square, Andi.

He has a lovely singing voice.

He has to do it, it's who he is.

He hasn't had his surgery yet.

He hasn't made love to his wife in 15 days.

He is getting really good prices, though.

He just got a little carried away.

He just lied and left.

He just squeezes it into his mouth like a Go Gurt.

He loves it as much as I do.

He loves it. All right, so, uh,

He makes clip clop noises when he moves the horse.

He only sees me as Dad.

He picked the person that you love the most in the world?

He really does sleep in the fetal position.

He said he knew Billy Joel was talking to me.

He said he was worried?

He said no take backs.

He said, "Get out of my way."

He saw my face when I grabbed him.

He spent the morning pushing kids at recess.

He still drops his film at the Foto Hut

He thought you were supposed

He took her toilet paper! That's so imaginative.

He used to say, "I pity the fool."

He wanted to express himself, and I supported him.

He wants to sleep in here with us.

He was a brave little guy just like you.

He was created by an atomic explosion.

He was dyslexic. They held him back.

He was growing as a person.

He was just trying to do what he thought was best for his friend,

He was looking right at you.

He was much easier to control

He was, but now he's just back on the couch.

He went to pick up the ribs.

He would not.

He'll lighten things up.

He'll remember. He'll...

He'll see how nice people behave,

He's a 12 year old boy.

He's a backyard chef who randomly texts people

He's a guy.

He's already mad at me.

He's been real touchy since his pot guy retired to Orlando.

He's cute.

He's getting a calculator.All right, be cool, Lowell.

He's going through the couch, looking for nickels.

He's got other things on his mind.

He's got stacks of whatever he does piling up.

He's heartbroken, she was the one.

He's in.

He's like a giraffe with a camera.

He's like Google Earth.

He's like sitting under a tree that gets you beers.

He's making it up, Bev.

He's not doing that to my ribs. Let's go.

He's not getting them for himself, he's giving them to me.

He's out. It's too risky.

He's outside playing basketball.Okay.

He's pouring her wine. That is a date!

He's right.

He's running numbers. He's running numbers!

He's so tall, he can see everything.

He's so tall, no one can block him.

He's such a baby.

He's tall. He makes a lot of shade.

He's too lonely, all by himself in that apartment.

He's your brother. She's your wife.

Head upstairs and draw on some chest hair, son.

Hear that, Don? I'm off to a good start.

Hearing you say it like that.[laughter]

Heh. That sounds like a night, huh?Hmm.

Hello, Julian.

Her bag's still in the car.

Her best friend moved away.

Her name is Joanna Gaines, and that is the nicest thing

Her punishment is Teddy has to sleep in her room.

Her toilet paper?

Here it is.

Here it is.

Here she is.

Here you go. Oh.

Here, you can have all the bacon.

Here, you should have this.

Here.

Here's a list of stretches you can do

Here's a spoon.

Here's the deal.

Here's the thing.

Here's to the sale of our flip house.

Here's your cocoa, Emme.

Hey,

Hey, Adam, why don't you read Dad your essay

Hey, Adam. Hey.

Hey, Andi. How's it going?

Hey, babe.

Hey, best case scenario,

Hey, buddy.

Hey, cabin buddies.

Hey, can we hold hands at the office? Probably not.

Hey, Dad, can you drop me at the mall after school tomorrow?

Hey, Dad, can you watch the kids? Sure.

Hey, Dad, thanks for taking the kids to school.My pleasure.

Hey, Dad, uh, I'm glad you're here.

Hey, Dad, you're gonna love this.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Dad. Hey.

Hey, did you find me a spider?

Hey, Don.

Hey, Don. Don's here.

Hey, Donny's Angels are Donny's business.

Hey, Funchy.

Hey, guys, we made you something.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Hi.

Hey, guys.Hey.

Hey, have you seen my extra camouflage sleeping bag?

Hey, here's an idea.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't jinx this thing.

Hey, hey, no feet on the dashboard.

Hey, honey, you know what I realized?

Hey, honey.

Hey, honey.

Hey, how about a hug? Huh? Aww.

Hey, how about this?

Hey, how about this?Hmm.

Hey, I like spending time with you.

Hey, I'll get Mom to do it, too.

Hey, I'm here to kick ass and eat Milanos,

Hey, I'm just happy I was right about this.

Hey, if moms get to be their sons' heroes,

Hey, Joe, I get half of whatever you find.

Hey, Kate, you want to go upstairs

Hey, Kelly.

Hey, Kelly.

Hey, look at you. [chuckles]: Hoo hoo!

Hey, look, Dad, we all know

Hey, Lowell seems better.Mm hmm.

Hey, Lowell.

Hey, man. Hey.

Hey, maybe bring her

Hey, Mom, thank you so much

Hey, Mom.

Hey, munchkins.

Hey, nobody's gonna take your desk.

Hey, party people.

Hey, Pop, I'm ready.

Hey, sit in my new chair.

Hey, stretch, get me a drink.

Hey, Teddy is at Don and Marcy's.

Hey, Teddy. How was baseball?

Hey, that weird kid's looking at you.

Hey, that's good luck.

Hey, the flip house looks great.

Hey, there's my pretty lady.

Hey, there's my thoughtful husband.

Hey, this season's shaping up.

Hey, uh, I meant to tell you...

Hey, uh, where's Andi?

Hey, we have something in common.

Hey, we just came to drop off the kids.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, when the world goes to hell,

Hey, when we get home,

Hey, where is Don's nudie calendar?

Hey, where'd Teddy's essay go?

Hey, you always wanted a cat.

Hey, you did your part, too.

Hey, you got any beer?

Hey, you got any pictures of you with that perm?

Hey, you know who Adam reminds me of?

Hey, you know, this could be a rich guy sport,

Hey, you need to embrace my new lifestyle.

Hey, you want to drive my truck up the driveway?

Hey, you were talking to flowers.

Hey, you're home.Yeah.

Hey, your mother told me

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. What's this hole?

Hi, dear.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Hiding the remote under the cushion.

High as a kite!

Hilarious!

His and hers.Yeah.

His first time alone in the car with those ribs

His hair was so big, a bird got stuck in it.

His leg's not getting any better. Yeah.

His name is Ronald McDonald " what?

Historically, it's been important.

Hit on me after I was married.

Hmm, yeah. Wall hole, wall desk.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm?You're still so mad about that essay

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Like a...?

Hmm. Low pressure's a sneaky bastard.

Hmm. So you want me to talk to him? Yeah.

Hmm. What?

Hmm. Wow.

Hmm... Hello, Kelly.

Hmm.I couldn't do that.

Hold on, hold on, I have an important question.

Hold on.

Hold on. You've been lying about this cabin trip for 15 years?

Honey,

Honey, are are you okay?I'm fine.

Honey, don't take it personally, all right?

Honey, I just don't want to see you get hurt

Honey, I thought we agreed no more Julian.

Honey, I'm sorry I got so jealous tonight.

Honey, our marriage means everything to me,

Honey, put that in your mouth.

Honey, that's just the three stages

Honey, they don't do that.

Honey.

How about "Wall Hole"?

How about a hand

How about a nice nature walk?

How about this?

How am I supposed to get Dad to agree to a home nurse?

How am I the divorced guy?

How are you two sisters?

How big is it? I need to know how big it is.

How boring it is. I tell Andi all we do is fish.

How can we be Parmesan ing those little guys?

How come we've never been on a girls' trip?

How come you never ask me or Marcy to watch the kids?

How could I? [chuckles]

How could I? I feel bad for them.

How could Teddy not think I'm his hero?

How could you, Adam?How could I?

How dare you?

How did this happen?

How did you get here so quick?

How do I factor a polynomial?

How do you feel about that?

How do you feel now?

How far is Pittsburgh from a city?

How many legs that kitten have when you met it?

How many planets are in the solar system?

How much longer do we have to be in here?

How this plays out sets a precedent

How to explain that obviously...

How was I supposed to know he'd be as bad at driving

How was Marshmallow Flats?

How was your girls' trip?

How was your trip?

How we handle everything else.

How would you like to be whisked... away

How?

How'd that go?

How's he know our secret greeting?

How's his mood? Does he seem okay?

How's the leg, Dad?

Howdy, cowboy.

Huh, better go shave my legs.

Huh, did you get that from the X ray,

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? [grunts]

Huh? But you got to back me up.

Huh? Every roll in the house.

Huh? I'm what, now?

Huh? This house looks a little too clean.

Huh? We made a set.

Huh.

Huh. That is weird.

Huh. Yep.

Huh...?

Hummus isn't yogurt, you country bumpkin.

I He thinks he tricked me, but I knew you were in there.

I you should be happy. Our husbands are good people.

I admit it's hard to believe,

I already found a great hotel.

I already got it all planned out, because I've

I already have one. Don, why don't you take it?

I already thought of that.

I already wife proofed the trailer.

I also went to the doctor and got a clean bill of health.

I always hoped you guys would invite me.

I always liked to foster competition between you boys,

I am Adam of Pittsburgh, and I say we need to back off

I am always here for you.

I am going vegan.

I am gonna hold your hand right now, what do you think of that?

I am good at a lot of things,

I am happy. I think it's a good thing I went to work today.

I am hard working.

I am if you round up.

I am just one of the guys.

I am on your side, here.

I am really proud of you for writing that great essay

I am so glad I married you.

I am so proud.

I am spent.

I am the sixth best husband on the block.

I am thinking about our daughter, okay?

I am top of the food chain.

I am trying to save our business,

I am very sorry for all the hurt I...

I am.

I am. [chuckles]

I am. Her name is Melanie, and we met a month ago at the gym

I amvery afraid of you.

I appreciate that you're looking out for me,

I asked him to take me to the dog track,

I assume the worst in people. That's one of mybest traits.

I ate a meatball sandwich... like a ninja.

I ate poison and my body rejected it.

I ate three of those.

I believe a couple paragraphs down

I believe in you.I don't have time.

I believe you have it in you to try this,

I bet I can keep it until I die.

I bet she is.

I bet she was looking back, though, right?

I bet their day won't be as great as ours.

I better follow him, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

I brought over a little pre op medicine,

I brought you with me just in case Andi's right

I built that head. I know my way around in there.

I buy you bracelets.

I call it "wife management."

I came here because Pittsburgh is the cheapest flight

I can always tell when a wife's mad.

I can do it.

I can handle it.

I can keep track of your every move.

I can put my own socks on. I'm not old, I'm middle aged.

I can use that.

I can't believe I didn't pick my dad.

I can't believe I'm finally in.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm done with meat.

I can't believe I'm this excited about you doing something

I can't believe that Lowell started feeling better

I can't believe this.

I can't believe this. I'm so modern,

I can't believe this. My pencil sharpener's missing again.

I can't believe you just uninvited me from your trip.

I can't believe you're really doing that.

I can't connect to that.

I can't do that.

I can't do that. I want to stay married.

I can't even put on my own socks.

I can't find any of Emme.

I can't get up now; this weather lady's

I can't hang you from the ceiling like a bat.

I can't have dinner with a business associate?

I can't keep a secret from Adam. He's my hero.

I can't say a real no to her.

I can't sit by and let that happen.

I can't sleep when we're fighting.

I can't take much more of Andi's sister.

I can't wait for my recital.

I can't wait to share that with you.[sighs]

I can't wait to tell Adam.

I can't wait to watch her spit a tooth into a bucket.

I can't, they check your ID.

I can't!

I can't.

I cansee it. It's gone again."

I changed so much for her.

I come home reenergized and happy.

I could do this.

I could drive her to the airport right now.

I could have said that better.

I could hear the bears laughing.

I could ride the heck out of Marshmallow Flats.

I could smell what you mean from the sidewalk.

I couldn't even get a Coke!

I couldn't give it back; I was in too deep.

I couldn't keep it in, I'm too excited.

I couldn't. The movie was too powerful.

I deserve better!

I did love sauerkraut.Mm hmm.

I did say all those things.

I did some research, and there are other rides.

I did stay out of it.

I did. And I told her if she didn't give it to me,

I didn't approve that. I said, "Yeah, maybe."

I didn't do anything.

I didn't even know if you had a door.

I didn't grow out of it at all.

I didn't know she was gonna get so upset.

I didn't know that.[scoffs]

I didn't know what was gonna happen next.

I didn't say "fun." I just said "Lowell."

I didn't say "fun."Somebody said "fun," and somebody's gonna pay for it.

I didn't say it was hard.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

I didn't spend the Christmas of '66 dodging bullets

I didn't tell him to push other kids.

I didn't think so.

I didn't think this through.

I disagree.

I do feel kind of bad for giving up, though.

I do mind.

I don't agree with you. I like Kelly.

I don't care what the Lady of Gaga says.

I don't care, either.

I don't care. I want to swing now.

I don't do "high road."

I don't even have a job anymore.

I don't even know if your pillow likes me like that.

I don't even know what old school is anymore.

I don't even remember eating the last biscuit.

I don't get it. What's funny about a healthy breakfast?

I don't get it. Why do I have to come to Lowell's apartment?

I don't get them anymore, either.

I don't know if I'm serious about her.

I don't know what these buttons do,

I don't know, but I ran straight into a sexual tornado.

I don't know, is it, Adam?

I don't know, it looks pretty romantic over there.

I don't know, the tile

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. You made fun of Don; I liked it.

I don't know. You tell me to put a lot of boxes a lot of places.

I don't know.He has a house with a wife and kids.

I don't like hearing no, especially when I'm right.

I don't like it.

I don't like this. She's getting to you.

I don't love it.

I don't mind. I just tape my phone

I don't need anyone else knowing my private business.

I don't need to tell anyone. You look like a boomerang.

I don't see that happening.

I don't think everybody needs to hear that story. [chuckles]

I don't think he knows how to get out of it.Oh.

I don't think Mom...

I don't think so. I know Kelly intimately.

I don't think they had that.

I don't think we have to overreact.

I don't think you know who your old man really is.

I don't think you're really mad about the pencil sharpener

I don't want anything to do with this trip.

I don't want me being at work to stress you out.

I don't want some stranger in my house going through my stuff.

I don't want to be the guy that killed the trip.

I don't want to deal with this.

I don't want to do that anymore.

I don't want to do that. I work with him.

I don't want to get political.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want you to be unhappy in your own living room.

I don't.She already told me.

I eat food you have to hunt.

I eat there,

I embezzled a tiny bit of money.

I embezzled a tiny bit of money.

I enjoy you, son. I used to be you.

I estimate we have 30 seconds, okay?

I even had to bring Don in to help.

I explicitly said Katie couldn't have anybody over.

I feel bad. I'm the one who convinced you to buy this house.

I feel like I should have my own desk.

I feel terrible.

I figure I'll just take out some life insurance on him,

I finally get picked for Frank's barbecue and I can't have it.

I finally lied and just started saying

I find every minute with my children

I found a loophole.

I found a YouTube channel of cats punching dogs.

I found Kate.

I gave in on little stuff, next thing I know,

I gave you extra marshmallows.

I get it. Like, if Marcy thinks

I get that a lot.

I get that.

I get tired of looking at the same nine people every day.

I get to drive it! Hey, hey.

I get to stroke it when I think about stuff.

I got a can of dimes. Smaller and twice the value.

I got an English paper back today, and I got an "A."

I got for you at the gas station the other day.

I got kids at home. If something happens to me,

I got really sweaty there for a second.

I got swept up in the crowd,

I got that from a vodka commercial,

I got to admit, you were tough.

I got to give it to you. Your idea worked.

I got to make that cord shorter.

I got to stop by there and, well,

I got to walk back to get his bike.

I got you some essential supplies.

I got you some hummus.

I got you something.

I grabbed my daughter's sleeping bag on the way out.

I grew a goatee.

I grew hair on my face

I guess this is like The Tortoise and the Hare.

I guess we know who your real hero is, huh?

I guess you get to stay home with me tonight.

I guess you were right. We just have to cancel.

I guess you win.

I guess you're a butthead.

I guess you're not mad at me anymore.

I had a lot of time to think in there,

I had a tone?

I had my underwear.

I had to clean a pound of hair out of the drain.

I had to clean dog poop off of Emme's shoe, again.

I had to convince Adam of everything. Oh.

I had to lay down the law with your mother in '79

I had to practice on Don.

I had to sleep on the porch swing last night.

I had to stand in a cold delivery room

I had to write an essay on who my hero is.

I had to.

I hadn't thought of that.

I handled it. It's dad time now.

I hate leeches, too.

I hate that painting.

I hate to say it, but this all comes back

I have a gift card.

I have a good feeling about you.

I have a not no.

I have a question.

I have a trip planned to ride a dirt bike

I have been a terrible sister,

I have been going to our friends to enlist their support,

I have been making her life miserable

I have dreamed about this moment.

I have never felt better.

I have only ever had two things

I have probably spent three years of my life

I have responsibilities.

I have some information that will show you

I have to ask you, who is Señor Spicy?

I have to stop by the grocery store to pick up buttermilk

I have watched every episode of Intervention,okay?

I haveloved our time together.

I haven't been on a dirt bike in a long time,

I haven't been rejected this much since middle school.

I haven't been showing Teddy my best qualities.

I haven't changed at all.

I haven't felt this good since before I got fired.

I haven't had intimate relations

I haven't seen that crystal punch bowl

I hear you're good at fixing that.

I heard about what happened,

I heard it whistle past my ear, and then it hit you.

I heard that.

I hid his phone so he'd have to come back.

I hid in the closet like a ninja.

I hid stuff like a good husband.

I highly doubt that.

I hope Lowell never leaves.

I hope that's gonna be okay.

I hope you're throwing something into that hole.

I hope.

I I am excited.

I I can't do it, I'm sorry.

I I don't know if this is gonna make a difference,

I I have another question.

I I have something to say to you and it's, uh,

I I know it's usually just us,

I I put together all the documents

I I thought you were in town for a work conference.

I I, it... I'm so proud of you.

I I... I really think the tile is the way to go.

I I'll tell you what.

I installed the icemaker.

I invented the Murphy desk.

I Is he a dinosaur, a a dragon?

I It's for Frank's Underground Barbecue.

I just ate a half a cow.

I just didn't want to hurt his feelings by asking you first.

I just don't believe people change.

I just don't want you to get hurt.

I just got spooked.

I just have to figure out a way to work it with Andi.

I just made 40 bucks charging short moms

I just put Marcy into it.

I just put the moves on your pillow.

I just said that stuff

I just say "Yeah, maybe."

I just want to love you.

I just wanted her to make some friends.

I just wanted to see what it's gonna look like on me.

I just wish I could hear

I just wish I would've stuck to my guns,

I just... I don't know what.

I keep looking for a way to leave,

I kind of do. I've never had one.

I knew after the intervention

I knew I heard someone rage whispering in the bathroom.

I knew I shouldn't have stopped at Arby's.

I knew it. Of course it is.

I knew that. I knew he didn't like the painting.

I knew you would ask her to do it.

I know all about it. I'm here to break it up.

I know exactly where one is.

I know how the sausage is made, and it's delicious.

I know I know what I know and I'm not wrong about her.

I know space history, that's my area, okay?

I know this is annoying, but it is all gonna pay off.

I know us. We can get lower.

I know we agreed to let Kate cry it out,

I know you don't like it when I say "You go, girl,"

I know you would, and I can't do that to them.

I know you, Lowell, okay?

I know you're going through a tough time, but...

I know, but I like to watch it.

I know, I crossed the line.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. Yeah. Read the card.

I learned from my furry little friend.

I left and let you have your time because I get it.

I let it slide, 'cause I didn't want to ruin Andi's wedding.

I let Teddy watch a scary movie

I lied. I got the kids' candy at Pier 1.

I like "Wall Ball."

I like him.

I like it, señor.

I like it.

I like it.

I like it. It tells a story.

I like it. She's classy like Lady Bird Johnson.

I like that.

I like working together.

I listen.

I locked you in early with my cuteness,

I look like I just escaped polygamy.

I love cooking for my family.

I love having my little beer grabbers around.

I love it.

I love Marcy. When she makes a calendar, I'll buy that.

I love meat too much.

I love surprising people.

I love them, but their stories are so boring.

I love those kids.

I love you, and I just... just want you to make me proud.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, honey.

I love? Yeah.

I loved it, too. I don't think I'll ever forget it.

I made a friend, and I'm not giving him back.

I made it longer, like a pilgrim.

I made you say that... like a ninja.

I may need a couple weeks off.

I mean it, clap.

I mean, after 18 years of marriage,

I mean, after all, I did give birth to him.

I mean, aging is hard, and I am doing my best.

I mean, at first I was, but then I just kept smiling.

I mean, did you, like, wife proof?

I mean, even though it's a business dinner,

I mean, every day we own that house, we're losing money.

I mean, good for them. It's a lovely home.

I mean, he likes board games and hikes

I mean, I don't want anybody pushing my daughter,

I mean, I I'm sorry because he's my kid, and,

I mean, I never want to be without her again.

I mean, I think we're past the bumpy getting used to it phase

I mean, I want

I mean, I win. I win so much. And it's all because of you.

I mean, in one day, you went

I mean, it's pretty cozy

I mean, Kate is at a concert on a school night.

I mean, maybe she's just going to see our friends

I mean, putting your friends before yourself.

I mean, remember how we didn't remember Emme?

I mean, sometimes I catch him staring at it,

I mean, that's blackmail.

I mean, they put people in hospitals for that.

I mean, this is my first big idea

I mean, usually, if I just stop moving,

I mean, we we have plenty of Andi.

I mean, what's she doing? Is she dancing?

I mean, when do we know we won?

I mean, who says that?

I mean, would a brother treat a brother that way in Peruvia?

I mean, yeah, I'm happy for you, blah, blah, blah, you're great.

I mean, yes, it was one night,

I mean, you have to know what I'm talking about.

I mean, you invented a game

I mean, you know, somewhere between cave kids

I mean, you were in there for a while

I mean, you were right about him.

I mean, you're making up reasons to go out at night,

I mean, you're not so modern.

I meant what I said.

I meant, "is it Easter?" like,

I met the loan guy. He's harmless.

I might as well be in there with you.

I miss her right now.

I miss it every damn day.

I need a guys' trip.

I need an egg and some Gatorade.

I need somebody with a heart of stone!

I need that. I'm doing a group project for Spanish.

I need to be alone for a minute.

I need to show him the man behind the dad.

I never got my minibar snacks.

I never heard of any of these.

I never told Kate to have a party.

I only have light beer.Perfect!

I oobie doobie love you so much.

I owe it all to you. Thanks, Adam.

I picked my mom.

I picked them up on my business trip last week to Tokyo.

I pretty much leave you alone when you're sleeping.

I promise, I am fully committed.

I put on my own socks today.

I put on your bedroom door.

I put the trip ahead of you, and I'm sorry.

I ran it past Karen this afternoon.

I really am getting older.

I really don't like that kid.

I really think...

I really want to slap this girl right in the sweet potatoes.

I remember.

I remembered that Emme has to do a "My Life" project for school

I said dads are better at some things.

I said go right.I did go right.

I said he was too young for that movie

I said it before you could

I said it. What'd I say?

I said no to her 20 times, but she asked me 21 times,

I said there's a new Godzilla movie out.

I saved the gizzards for Andi Patties.

I saw Billy Joel in New York once.

I saw chicken in the fridge and I couldn't resist.

I saw him drinking milk from the carton in his underwear.

I saw his truck. He's here with those ribs.

I say we all go home

I see that and I love it.

I see you, Donny.

I see.

I should be used to this by now.

I should get going and help with Teddy's project.

I should get half.

I should tell you that time at Target, it wasn't my first.

I should try out for this.

I should've taken it!

I signed Emme up for boxing.

I sit there,

I smell it. The meat is near.

I snitched on her for sneaking jerky

I stand by what I said.

I started thinking about those bedbugs.Oh...

I started to enjoy my new life.

I still can't believe that Bev won a mechanical bull rodeo.

I still have your mother, the original beer grabber.

I stood up the whole time you were being born.

I sure do, honey.

I switched to two percent milk, that's pretty spooky.

I talk with my hands.

I tell Andi, "You're more than welcome to come.

I think Gandhi said that.Mm.

I think he was living in her web of lies.

I think I can clear this up.

I think I did society a favor.

I think I dripped a little salsa on that arm.

I think I'll be all right.

I think I'm old enough now

I think I'm watching you make an ass of yourself.

I think it's the combo platter, my friend.

I think she

I think she did it just to make me duck walk

I think that's good advice for anybody.

I think the chair is inspiring.

I think the window may have closed on you

I think they're made of ear wax.

I think things are looking up for both of us.

I think this might be the same room

I think we're gonna watch all the Harry Potters.

I think you and I need to band together and get rid of Kelly.

I think you know I didn't.

I think you've got some bigger problems.

I thought Don was handling the nurse stuff.

I thought for sure it was gonna be you.

I thought I was just acting like Batman.

I thought I was old school, but I was really new school.

I thought if anybody'd run away, it'd be you.

I thought we were fixing the old Lowell,

I thought we were smooth sailing.

I thought you might call in wrong.

I thought you were gonna talk for ten minutes again,

I thought you were worried I'd get hurt.

I told Kate, "No, you can't zip line over a volcano."

I told them to wait in the pantry, too.

I told you not to wear those stupid shoes.

I told you so. Welcome to the future.

I told you there'd be trouble on day one.

I told you to say, "Maybe, yeah."

I told you today of all days, don't get extra mayonnaise.

I told you, I felt a presence here.

I took Katie's bedroom door.

I tried everything, but I can't get Dad to agree to a nurse.

I tried to convince myself that I was winning,

I tried to hang a picture, but I was madder than I thought.

I tried to straighten him out,

I tried to teach you "yeah, maybe"

I turned my head and threw my back out.

I turned my head to change lanes.

I understand you lashing out,

I understand. Thank you.

I used to take her for barbecue on my motorcycle.

I vote "not mad" girls' trip.

I vote for hotel sex. I'm a single issue voter, okay?

I want her back because she's my...

I want my husband back.

I want the smooch; that's the only reason I play baseball.

I want to do something.

I want to forget the bike trip and never talk about it again.

I want to know.

I want to remind you how important this loan is to us.

I wanted to apologize.

I was a great husband

I was expecting...Mm mm mm.

I was gonna do that part.

I was gonna text you, but my steak came.

I was hoping someone would say, "Don't feel bad."

I was into Michael Jackson.

I was judging you on past behavior

I was just listening to music!

I was just protecting little kids from bullies.

I was just trying

I was just trying to make you eat it 'cause it's expired.

I was just wondering if you want to see a movie.

I was outvoted.

I was right.

I was six.

I was so busy trying to save it,

I was the only guy that brought toilet paper.

I was thinking... Yeah?

I was up all night thinking of different ways to bum Katie out.

I wasn't even tempted.

I wasn't good enough for him, but he changed me.

I wasn't ready.

I wasn't trying, Don.

I wear white socks when you go out of town.

I went to the bathroom last night,

I went to the lake website to check the weather,

I will clear the table.

I will know...

I will pick my teeth with you.

I wish I could've been there to see it.

I wish they had a thing for single guys

I wish we could talk about tonight,

I wish we could, but if we give you a desk,

I wish you could, but you remember our deal.

I wish you the best.

I won't be able to pass a drug test.

I won't even give her the pizza bagel I made

I won't let you down. This will be the best trip we ever had.

I won't make a big deal out of it.

I won't spend a dime on you. Aw.

I won't. I might. I don't know. Aren't you excited?

I wonder if the guys know their wives are going yet.

I wore a tank top for four years, nothing.

I work for them.

I would like to check out that remote.

I would never say "yeah, maybe"

I would tell her grandma that she cheated on me

I would totally do it, but I saw an owl fly away with it.

I wrote one of those essays in school, too.

I, too, am a big believer in Vitamin Weed.

I, uh, I sort of tweaked my neck

I...

I... I hate to admit it, but...

I... I'm sorry for going behind your back with Teddy.

I... like it?Hmm.

I.e. I'm free.

I'd expect some angry calls.

I'd get up, but I can't.

I'd invite you, too, but, uh,

I'd like to introduce

I'd say come back tomorrow, but Karen's here then,

I'll be fine.

I'll be in the car. You got this.

I'll be in the truck.

I'll be outside.

I'll be right back.

I'll be with the TV.

I'll bet she's saying curse words.

I'll dig so deep I'll hit water and shoot back up to the top.

I'll do that right now.

I'll find Lowell first, and then I'll find Katie.

I'll go find someone else to talk some sense into you.

I'll have you know, this is the sixth biggest house

I'll just be a face in the crowd.

I'll just have him take it around back.

I'll just make you eat your words.

I'll just put Post its over their naughty bits,

I'll just say, "Sorry, ladies. This is a guys' trip."

I'll just tell your wives it's a regular trip

I'll just text and say I don't want the ribs.

I'll kill the spider and look like a hero. Huh?

I'll let my music speak for itself.

I'll loosen my seatbelt.

I'll make it just like a hotel, okay.

I'll put chocolates on the pillow,

I'll say it. You're not good enough for him.

I'll say our code word, and you close your eyes.

I'll say we told him about it last week.

I'll see if I can rustle one up.

I'll sign Teddy up for rhythmic gymnastics class.

I'll take it. Dads eat first.

I'll take that action.

I'll take that. Hmm.

I'll take the hit.

I'll tell you what I'm doing here.

I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

I'll think about it.

I'm a little short on aliens right now, Don.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

I'm a modern parent.

I'm a pioneer woman. Sheesh. Let it go.

I'm a vegan, she'll believe it.

I'm a vegan. I don't eat meat anymore.

I'm a wine guy.

I'm actually very proud of them.

I'm afraid to take Andi there

I'm afraid you got the wrong guy, partner.

I'm always playing second fiddle to Don.

I'm an ace at it.

I'm an inch shorter than I used to be, so I got that.

I'm as stunned as you are.

I'm asking for a friend.

I'm back! [laughs]

I'm back.

I'm darn proud to be number 65.Oh.

I'm disgusting.

I'm doing it anyway.

I'm doing it, Andi. I can handle it.

I'm doing this for Katie and Anne Hatch away,

I'm fine, it's... it's private.

I'm fine. You're the one who's cursing.

I'm getting as many as I can.

I'm getting to something good.

I'm getting up!

I'm glad we talked about this.

I'm glad we're going, but I'm just not sure

I'm glad you listened to the smart guy for once.

I'm glad you're feeling better, Lowell.

I'm glad you're not busy.

I'm going down there to bust this up.

I'm going on this trip. I already went out

I'm going to get the hose.

I'm going vegan with you.

I'm going, too.

I'm going.

I'm gonna be married someday, and I need to know how to do it.

I'm gonna go find a church and get some soup.

I'm gonna have to say no to her all the time.

I'm gonna need to run some numbers...

I'm gonna order the sheet music

I'm gonna stay in the upper half, where everything's dry.

I'm gonna stick with home.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

I'm gonna talk to you

I'm gonna use the money

I'm hoping they're small because they're not smart.

I'm impressed. You're off to a good start, son.

I'm jealous of you.

I'm jeopardizing his health, disappointing Mom.

I'm just glad it was you and not the ghost.

I'm just gonna grab a drink from the kitchen,

I'm just looking out for you.

I'm just not giving up this desk.

I'm just taking a moment to figure out

I'm just the idea man here.

I'm just waiting on a tracking number.

I'm kidding.

I'm kind of pumped up, myself.

I'm learning a lot.

I'm learning Mandarin.

I'm like a cat wearing a dog costume.

I'm moving in with Lowell.

I'm not a door. Are you hearing him?

I'm not a fan of Kelly.

I'm not blinded by her cookies.

I'm not digging that deep.

I'm not even sure it's candy.

I'm not explaining it to you again.

I'm not getting a damn nurse!

I'm not going too fancy.

I'm not gonna tell Katie

I'm not gonna waste my time on some jerk who,

I'm not hurt. I...

I'm not making it a thing.

I'm not pretending.

I'm not reasonable.

I'm not saying he'll be better at it,

I'm not seeing any hands.

I'm not stumped, okay?

I'm not sure you have enough collateral.

I'm not thanking you.Well, I would like you to.

I'm not trying to bribe you, but you approve our loan,

I'm not.

I'm on to you, Kelly.

I'm one step ahead of you, Pop.

I'm out.

I'm petty and small, and you're lucky to have me.

I'm placing him in detention for the rest of the week.

I'm proud. He always seemed a little soft.

I'm ready. Do it. Just do it.

I'm relishing this precious moment.

I'm riding the Devil's Tailpipe, baby.

I'm screwed.

I'm serious, I can hang.

I'm sorry, Adam, you have to talk to Lowell.

I'm sorry, I can't get up.

I'm sorry, Katie.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Do you want to

I'm starting to like you.

I'm sure it's a very nice lady.

I'm sure we'll be back together soon.

I'm surprised you came into work today.

I'm taking it down.

I'm taking your crossword for the train.

I'm telling Andi everything!

I'm the dad, he should have picked me.

I'm the greatest man he's ever known.

I'm the guy that told you you weren't funny.

I'm the hub of the wheel.

I'm the oldest. I should get it.

I'm the sleek, sexy bunny

I'm the sleek, sexy bunny...

I'm thinking I should grow out my hair.

I'm trying to decide between a savings bond

I'm trying to get her out of my house,

I'm under surveillance, Andi.

I'm volunteering at the animal hospital.

I'm your speedbag, baby.

I've already put a lot of thought into this,

I've already taken a nice nature walk.

I've been diagnosed with excessive oldness.

I've been eating ramen for six weeks

I've been living with your mother for a long time...

I've been looking all over for you.

I've been organizing it for 15 years,

I've been playing both sides on this one.

I've been saving up dirty jokes for 11 months,

I've brought you a sample of my cooking.

I've come to say good bye.

I've decided to move back to my apartment.

I've driven by one.

I've earned it.

I've got "fun" right in my name.

I've got my passion back.

I've got to get rid of these Sausage McMuffin wrappers.

I've had so many, it's like, ugh. But, uh,

I've just never had one of those scheduled for tonight,

I've kind of gotten used to it,

I've never had a man so supportive and tender,

I've never had one of those I mean, I have, I have.

I've played chess with Don.

If Andi doesn't think you're a mess, my game nights are over.

If Andi thinks I'm hurt,

If anything, she had a kind of glow about her.

If anything, the older I get, the more I need it.

If by helping, you mean eating all my Milanos

If I am not his hero, what's the point?

If I can hurt my back blowing out candles,

If I can't win her over with my Beef Wellington,

If I check the trash outside for evidence, huh?

If I don't know about stuff, I don't have to fix it.

If I ever

If I had done that, I could play you a sad song right now

If I was worried about anything, it's that...

If it makes you feel any better,

If it makes you feel any better,

If it wasn't for you, I never would've known about Lowell,

If it's a guy and a dinner, at a table, with a waiter,

If Kate gets to go vegan, than we get to go caken.

If my sister didn't always compare her glamorous,

If only you and Don had rented a birthday cake to train on,

If she did this to you,

If she hadn't come home, we would've gone to get her.

If she knows I'm okay, she'll make Funchy leave.

If she'd gotten a few more hugs.Uh huh, yeah.

If that was an international call, you're paying for it.

If there's any news stories from the venue.

If they chase you, run into the lake.

If they raise me up, it'll be like a penthouse office.

If things get tough, you can't make a sandwich

If this thing goes south, it's on you, buddy boy.

If we call it a guys' trip,

If we can't finish this house, we can't sell it.

If we compare how many women we've been with, we're tied.

If we finish work early, we say,

If we go down there,

If we hang out.

If we have to listen, you have to listen.

If we were doing his and hers closets.

If we were supposed to just hug 'em all the time,

If you can't goof around a little?

If you didn't have ice cream all over you.

If you do the crime,

If you don't move out of my way,

If you don't take it down, Andi's gonna have questions.

If you don't want to do it, that's fine.

If you follow my instructions very carefully...

If you know what I mean.

If you need it to be over quick, there's a hole inside

If you'd just watch the documentary with me,

If you're fighting, we'll wait in the driveway.

If you're going, I'm going.

If you're not gonna know about Godzilla,

If you're that worked up,

If you've come to take your mother and me to a home,

In a good mood, 'cause she got me.

In a house full of children and love, huh?

In a rice paddy to eat snot nuggets.

In a wheelchair by the duck pond,

In an average town with an average joe.

In case something like this came up.

In Colorado down a gnarly trail

In fact, I'm probably a little worse.

In fairness, he's recovering from a major surgery.

In front of my gal pals at the park.

In front of your gal pals like a show pony.

In high school, I was voted most likely to panic and pass out.

In him and it's my fault.

In my professional opinion, you pulled something.

In old school, no one is happy.

In our defense, we were trying to do it behind your back.

In sixth grade, I picked Ronald McDonald

In Switzerland, if you know what I mean.

In the fact that I was right all along.

In the fridge when we got home than when we left.

In the marriage book I'm reading, a little late

In the morning, animals gather around me like I'm Cinderella.

In the service, they called me The Raccoon.

In the sixth grade when I walked in on you with that magazine.

In the trash.I'm proud of you, honey.

In this day and age, still tries to use

In your hand.

Instead of grounding Katie,

Is a big smile from being right.

Is a great idea Adam hasn't recognized yet.

Is a walking marshmallow.

Is gonna change my mind.

Is his best wishes. [scoffs]

Is it a sex club? Oh, Adam.

Is it better than chickens wearing pants?

Is it my goatee? It does set a mood of sexy danger.

Is it the crying? The yelling?

Is it the essay?

Is it?

Is just our normal, everyday life.

Is just sit on the couch.

Is not being a good person really a deal breaker?

Is part of being a modern parent.

Is she okay? Is she cold?

Is she vaping? What's vaping? I...

Is that a date?

Is that Lowell's pencil sharpener?

Is that my daughter's robe?

Is that right, Lowell?

Is that what he told her?

Is that you always see the best in people,

Is the one you give your partner.

Is the only phone you are allowed to use.

Is there gonna be a hay ride?

Is they were all married.

Is this it?

Is this the guy selling the secret recipe for Coca Cola?

Is this true, Don?

Is this true?

Is this who you want to be?

Is to lighten the load for Bev,

Is to uninvite all the wives.

Is your head getting cold without a hat on it?

Isn't his homecare nurse helping?

Isn't that right, Kellybean?

Isn't that the box Mom's always asking you to throw away?

It bought me another hug, I'm not sorry.

It burns. Too much pastrami.

It confuses the birds.

It does spruce up the office, though.

It doesn't even make sense.

It doesn't help me.

It doesn't matter how it happened.

It doesn't sound like much of a trick.

It doesn't sound like something I'd say.

It feels so good to be right.

It helps me.

It is intense, emotional, and almost never works.

It is Mom time now.

It is never okay, ever.

It is no fun over there,

It is tearing this family apart.

It is? Yeah.

It It's like I can feel bugs on me.

It just had to be in the same room with me.

It makes me wonder.

It makes you spicy.

It means a lot that you'll watch this with me.

It means I'm not even worth mentioning.

It might be little soaps.

It probably goes all the way back to the Old West.

It really was.

It reminds her of our honeymoon, when she was already

It sure is.

It takes a little getting used to,

It takes up less space than a regular desk,

It was a bunch of letters and numbers.

It was a primitive instinct.

It was a real bad night.

It was a turkey sandwich. That bird gave his life

It was a very quiet dinner last night.

It was amazing. She tore my pants off

It was awesome. We got Grandpa, like, four beers.

It was funny at the time, then funny right after,

It was hard to watch.

It was just a one night stand, right?

It was just like an episode of Sex and the City,

It was just up and down the driveway.

It was Kelly's idea and I like it.

It was like living with Mariah Carey.

It was like peeling off two giant Band Aids.

It was medical marijuana. I only used it for my glaucoma

It was okay to have friends over, and a party happened.

It was really boring.

It was the birthday cake all over again.

It was the greatest night of my life.

It was the pressure of being captain.

It was the stuff around here.Mm hmm.

It was time to retire.

It wasn't a date. I am married.

It wasn't a party.

It wasn't too late.

It won't happen again.

It'll be a one of a kind.

It'll help fill up the room and distract Andi

It's a business dinner.

It's a cow, Adam.

It's a date.

It's a GoPro camera. I couldn't wait.

It's a guy. Okay?

It's a hole, not a cartoon fire hydrant.

It's a hotel room. They all have that floor plan.

It's a lease for an apartment Lowell rented a month ago.

It's a public place.

It's a real one.

It's a reflex, like spitting out light beer.

It's a sock puller upper.

It's a tricycle because we have three kids.

It's a two hour concert, Adam.

It's a very special time.

It's all connected.

It's all covered with lint

It's all I have. I'm not losing it, not today!

It's all the little people that live with us.

It's an intervention, man.

It's been 15 days. It'll seem new.

It's been a lifelong dream. Can I do it?

It's called taking the high road.

It's called the Adam Burns Golden Box

It's called Vietnam.

It's candy.This is so cool.

It's cozy.

It's dead to me, like sauerkraut!

It's due tomorrow.Of course it is.

It's full of work beers.

It's fun over here. We push people.

It's game on, boys.

It's going to be wonderful.

It's going up there.

It's gone from worried to reluctant.

It's gonna look so good,

It's got nothing to do with us.

It's got the same floor plan: bed, window, TV.

It's how you kick things off.

It's how your relationship works.

It's in a couple of weeks,

It's just a little something to say domo arigatofor having me.

It's just a little token

It's just, you've grown so much as a person,

It's kind of like it never happened.

It's kind of my fault.

It's life or death. Just have fun.

It's like a Four Seasons in here.

It's like a hoedown.

It's like asking Godzilla not to stomp on Tokyo.

It's like I always say,

It's like I have no effect on him.

It's like I'm in jail.

It's like I'm not even there, I have no effect on him.

It's like ice. It's just frozen water,

It's like she bumped into me by accident.

It's like when my high school teacher

It's like you're looking in a mirror

It's like your face thinks what you said makes sense.

It's modern, vibrant, cultured.

It's my time.

It's never suspicious when someone likes pottery.

It's not a cabin, okay?

It's not a race.

It's not a slump. It's a drought.

It's not all bad.

It's not for Marcy.

It's not good for you when she's here.

It's not like it's a guys' trip."

It's not too late to win Teddy over.

It's not.

It's one of her worst traits.

It's only temporary.

It's our bus. We're Burns Brothers, remember?

It's ramen, okay? I called the Japanese embassy.

It's right next door to Hooters.

It's rom yon.

It's so emotional, I think I need to be alone.

It's so fun having your friends over.

It's so not your thing.

It's so old; is it for talking to dead people?

It's still your turn.

It's sweet and packed full of lies.

It's that you like to dig into things

It's the beer. Beer makes me deep.

It's the perfect trick.

It's the world's oldest hobby.

It's three feet all the way across.

It's time to act my age, so from now on,

It's tolerable, it's great.

It's weird. It's like the mark is getting higher.

It's what's inside that matters.

It's your first day working with your wife,

It's your job to figure out how to connect with her.

J Just before you go over there,

James, I appreciate you taking the time to meet me.

Jeepers. I never thought of that.

Jen and I are just exploring the adventure of marital separation.

Jet setting life to me settling down

Jimmy Olsen never lied to Superman.

Joe, there's no difference between moms and dads.

JOE: Donny,

JOE: Nothing she says

Joe.

Joe's just been sitting here in tremendous pain.

Joyful acceptance.

Julian pushed me off the swing.

JULIAN: Hey, you pushed me!

Jumped the fence and got pregnant.

June 15.

Just between you and me,

Just don't have a backsplash.

Just don't let her bother you.

Just don't tell Kate, okay?

Just finish what you started with my pillow.

Just go. No, yougo ahead.

Just hope that note's not too heavy for you to pick up.

Just jumps from pile to pile.

Just let me know Okay, keep it, keep it, keep it.

Just letting it be her boyfriend's problem someday?

Just like Billy Joel.

Just like Dad told me to. Right, Dad?

Just like here at home, where you get the final say,

Just like when a restaurant reopens

Just relax, boy.

Just remember, I'm the only guy that ever brings toilet paper!

Just tell him, uh, I went to the mall or something.

Just the face.

Just the first part, not the gross part.

Just the guy I'm looking for.

Just uninvite Andi.

Just, I just want you to trust me on this.

Kapowie! Hmm?

Kate can't survive on her own. Yeah.

Kate was outside speaking Spanish into my telephone.

Kate, why would you sneak out?

KATE: Dad,

KATE: Oh, my God! Mom!

KATE: So, I'll start the presentation

Kate.

Katie hugged me.

Katie is in her closet laughing it up

Katie stomping up the stairs

Katie was ten.

Katie, great news.

Katie, honey...

Katie, look, I got all your favorites.

Katie, there were teenagers canoodling in our pantry.

Katie, you have shown

Katie? I'm sorry.

Katie's robe.Oh.

Keep it inside like a man.

Keep the phone. Life's too short.

Kel Bell?

Kell Bell, Kellybean, Kelly Belly!

Kelly and I exchanged stats.

Kelly showed up at my pottery class.

Kelly, hey, uh,

Kelly, when's Lowell's birthday?

KELLY: I'm so glad

Kelly.

Kelly's got her hooks

Kicking Russia's ass in gymnastics!

Kid on a tricycle blew by him, then he just wobbled to a stop.

Kids are... what's a nice word for it? Dumb.

Kids have figured out how to go to sleep.

Kids, go upstairs. I need to talk to your father.

Kids?

Kill two birds.

Kind of, it's kind of delicate.

L Let's keep thinking.

L... Lowell, take it easy.

Ladies.

Lady Gaga would say she was just born that way.

Last night at dinner.

Last night, Don handed me a bunch of biscuit crumbs

Last time I got a hug like that, I had to buy her a phone.

Last time she called me thoughtful,

Last week I told her the one

Last week you promised Teddy you'd build him a solar system.

Later, we should raid those minibar snacks.

Lay it on me, I deserve it.

Le Let's just go home.

LeBron James.

Left with our application.

Let him go, Andi.

Let him go. He loves his wife.

Let me help you with that.

Let me just close my bedroom door.

Let me just get a drink first.Yeah.

Let me just text Kate and warn her tellher

Let me show you something.

Let me tell ya.

Let me tell you something, Lowell.

Let me tell you something. Look, all day,

Let me tell you, this isn't gonna be easy.

Let us do the talking. We had to trick him

Let's all remember: this is Andi's fault.

Let's at least get our money's worth. Low road.

Let's be about the future.

Let's call murdering a guy plan B.

Let's do it. Yeah.

Let's do this thing.

Let's do this.Yeah.

Let's go. You promised we'd take a walk in the park.

Let's hear it again for Andi Burns.

Let's just be ourselves.

Let's just keep our bedroom problems to ourselves, okay?

Let's just live our normal lives as if she's not even here.

Let's just say

Let's make a fancy backsplash out of that painting.

Let's not live in the past.

Let's not look back. Let's look forward.

Let's not turn on each other.

Let's rush right home and be with our families." Hmm?

Let's rush right home to be with our families.

Let's see.

Let's try surprising her.

Life isa son of a gun!

Life's a real son of a gun.

Light beer, because we keep it light, huh?

Like a boss and then didn't spend

Like a canoe.[laughter]

Like a ninja.

Like a whale surfacing next to your kayak.

Like an angel's tears.

Like her Andi Patties.

Like how my wife wouldn't take no for an answer

Like I got the day I came to pick her up early at the barn.

Like I was a basketball player coming off the bench.

Like I'm doing with your fancy tile.

Like ignoring it. I choose that choice.

Like Jurassic Park,he said.

Like Marshmallow Flats.

Like Mr. Potato Head.

Like polo or non miniature golfing.

Like that tricycle painting.

Like the soaps and coffeemakers in hotel rooms.

Like the tricycle painting you didn't want and now you love.

Like what?

Like when they choose a new pope.

Like you always say, you get what you want...

Like your extra long middle toe.

Like, Don and I are using our bonuses

Like, like, I do when Teddy tells me about his video games.

Like... Men Without Hats.

Listen here, Lowell.

Listen,

Listen, buddy.

Listen, honey, don't think of me as your wife here, okay?

Listen, I know we're disappointed in our husbands,

Listen, I'm worried about Andi,

Listening to what I say

Longer.

Look

Look at all these gifts.

Look at any old timey picture. Miserable!

Look at him. He's gonna buy that kid a goat.

Look at it this way. I mean, yes, we could be mad at them,

Look at that. Everybody wins.Huh.

Look at the boy strainin'.

Look at this budget. How are we gonna come up with 20 grand?

Look at this. I'm walking like an old guy 'cause I'm 50.

Look at you, all ready for your first business dinner.

Look at you.

Look how happy he is.

Look how happy you are with yourself, huh?

Look how much they like me now.

Look, Adam, you know that, as you've aged,

Look, Adam's not your only boss, I'm your boss, too.

Look, all I'm saying is, if it's not on a piece of paper,

Look, he gets jealous, even when there's no reason.

Look, honey, Kate's getting older.

Look, honey, we don't allow vegans in this house.

Look, I brought home a copy.

Look, I don't like confrontation,

Look, I I don't know what to say to him.

Look, I just want to get this loan, come home

Look, I just wanted to do this to say I'm sorry for being

Look, I know it's a big adjustment,

Look, I know the tile is a little thing,

Look, I make breakfast for you every morning.

Look, I'm happy to have Kelly back in my life.

Look, I'm just saying, there comes a time

Look, if I go down, we all go down.

Look, if you won't say anything, then let me do it.

Look, Kelly is my sister, and I know her better than anyone.

Look, look.

Look, Lowell,

Look, Mr. Franklin, your wife told the office

Look, she wants this; let's just do something nice for her.

Look, Teddy is a good kid.

Look, the intervention is for Lowell.

Look, the problem's not me and Andi.

Look, we have other options.

Look, we need your help convincing Lowell to dump her

Look, we've got a plan.

Look. [sighs]

Look... [sighs] It'd be great

Looks like a raccoon walking away.

Looks like Funchy's gonna have to stay around

Looks like he's gonna be riding that Devil's Tailpipe after all.

Looks like I'm gonna have to go back over there again tonight.

Looks like the speedy little bunny wins again.

Looks like your wife is stepping out with another guy.

Losing to you, the slow, scaly turtle.

Losing to you, the slow, scaly turtle.

Lots of grabbing, heavy breathing,

Love to the grandbabies.

Lowell had a bad reaction to the bear spray.

Lowell hasn't been at work all week.

Lowell is the solution to everything.

Lowell placed an order with the lumberyard today,

Lowell rented an apartment.

Lowell took the kids to the movies.

Lowell, go upstairs while we secure the premises.

Lowell, have you seen Katie?

Lowell, how could your wife leave a man

Lowell, I got your text. Are you okay?

Lowell, this is my sister Kelly.

Lowell, we love you,

Lowell, we're sorry Kelly's not who you thought she was.

Lowell, what happened? Are you okay?

Lowell, you just saved our company. That's great.

Lowell, you seem a bit on edge.

Lowell, your thing is not like other things, okay?

LOWELL: All right.

LOWELL: I'm so glad you dropped by.

Lowell?!

Lowell.

Lowell... you go, guy.

Lowell's going on the cabin trip?

Ma, that's not what this is about.

Madam Prostitute.

Made your own little dent in the mattress.

Make sure she's okay.

Man, I am learning so much about you.

Man, it's clean in here.

Man, she's sneaky.

Man, the "wall" part of my brain is really firing right now.

Man, you guys are too busy.

Marcy agrees with you, and she's a mom.

Marcy already packed a suitcase full of board games.

Marcy and I are going power walking after this.

Marcy hates it when I say no.

Marcy said choosing sex over family is a turnoff.

Marcy told me.

Marcy, there you are.

Married six months, here she comes.

Marshmallow.

Maybe maybe I've been too easy on her.

Maybe Adam was right to be worried about you working here.

Maybe dream about the guy who gave you marshmallows.

Maybe during this difficult time, you'll find some comfort

Maybe for our anniversary.

Maybe get your ears checked.

Maybe he destroys cities 'cause he doesn't know what he is.

Maybe he's on the lid.

Maybe I can get her on speakerphone.

Maybe I'd still be married if I just lied to my wife more.

Maybe I'll hold on to these nurse résumés.

Maybe just sexy Skype?ADAM: No.

Maybe let Adam have this one.

Maybe let's save the questions for the end.

Maybe she doesn't like Godzilla movies anymore.

Maybe that's why we never got another exchange student.

Maybe use my razor and shave.

Maybe we go upstairs and fool around.

Maybe we should go with you next time.

Maybe we should have another baby. Really?

Maybe we should hear what she has to say.

Maybe we should just get rid of that thing.

Maybe we would have had a shot at that last bank

Maybe you could check her out and make sure

Maybe you did pull that kitten's leg off.

Maybe you should bring him over here.

Maybe you should take off those scrubs

Maybe you're too humble.

Maybe, maybe, but that's a gamble.

Maybe, yeah.

Maybe, yeah.

Maybe...

Me, too, with Kate.

Me, too. Yeah.

Medicare pays for two more weeks.

Melanie. I dropped her off,

MEN: Ah.

Might be something you think about!

Mindless, pointless fun?

Miss it.

Miss it. Mi...

Mister Holier Than Thou is getting ribs

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. You know what I think happened?

Mm hmm. You were gone so long, I got worried.

Mm hmm.And alive.

Mm hmm.That sounds fun.

Mm, I can't pick that up.

Mm, it must feel like such an empty life...

Mm, maybe we let her be her boyfriend's problem,

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm. Now, listen.

Mm. Ooh, look, I am.

Mm.You fixed it, babe.

Modern parenting.

Modern parenting.

Mom and Dad lunch boxes. Cool.

Mom is not here.

Mom knows?

Mom said I could!

Mom time. That's funny.

Mom,

Mom, I have to build a solar system for my science class.

Mom, my muffin has a price tag on it.

Moms appeal to kids' better nature,

Months of dodging and ducking my way

Moonbeams?!

Moonbeams.

More of a housing glitch than anything.

Morning, fellas.

Morning, Lowell. Morning.

Move into his new apartment and start his new life.

Mr. 45 Minutes on what happened in some video game.

Mr. Big won't commit!

Mrs. Claus does not hold a wrench like that.

Much like me, it looks good on the outside,

Much worse.

My back!

My cow butt article didn't do anything.

My dad's coming. Everybody out!

My dad's not real keen on getting a nurse.

My hero is my mother, Andi Burns"?

My inspiring chair?

My job as a father was to make sure that when you went

My little sister's here.Hey, Kelly.

My long lost twin sister?

My mistake was not busting you out with me.

My pen fell in the engine.

My point stands.

My secret weapon, the thing that will take

My sister brought me flowers in a vase

My sodium is through the roof

My son defended his sister.

My swing is just fine.

My tackle box is in the truck.

My whole body's a five o'clock shadow right now.

My wife lives there.

N No problem.

Nah, you're just saying that.

Nah!

Need to go out and get a memory foam pillow.

Neither will you.

Never lose that confidence, sweetie.

Never mind.

Never.

Next thing you know, I got Burning Man in my living room.

Next time Andi brings up the tile, I'm using that.

Next time, go for the windpipe.

Nice work.

Nice. Yeah.

Night.

No backsplash? Well...

No can do. The ribs are kicking in.

No dice. I even stood outside the girl's bathroom

No father should see his son

No kids, a little romance.

No matter what she says, I am happy with my choices.

No money, no loan.

No more old jokes. Got it.

No occasion. Open it.

No one will believe you.

No problem.

No take backs. Ha! We got him.

No wonder he doesn't take me fishing.

No, actually...

No, Adam. High road, okay?

No, baby.

No, but I felt my back tighten up.

No, I am never curious why.

No, I burned them all.

No, I can't handle that kind of stress.

No, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

No, I don't.

No, I I can see that.

No, I I'm proud of my skills. They didn't come easy.

No, i it's true.

No, I said "maybe, yeah."

No, I still

No, I'm robbing the place. Yes, I'm cleaning.

No, I'm serious.

No, it was the movie.

No, it was you, baby.

No, it wasn't like that. I I was at Shelby's.

No, it's for you.

No, it's too much.

No, Lowell's not doing so good.

No, Marcy, it's not for you.

No, never heard anything like it.

No, no, because then Andi will wonder

No, no, I just wanted to apologize for something.

No, no, I was making sure

No, no, I'll try this.

No, no, I'm a pioneer woman.

No, no, it's for your own good.

No, no, it's not like that.

No, no, no, it's okay. You rest.

No, no, no, listen, listen.

No, no, no, no, look. Look, honey,

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. We...

No, no, no, you do it.

No, no, no! It's it's a band I like.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. I'm coming back.

No, no, no. No.

No, no, no. You can never call it a guys' trip.

No, no, stop connecting things.

No, no, that part's true.

No, no, we are not giving up, all right?

No, no, we'll make a game out of this.

No, no.

No, no. Look at this.

No, no. No, we're serious

No, no...Shh!

No, not... no, not fun.

No, seriously, I'm glad you were there.

No, seriously, it means a lot that you support my choices.

No, she was just standing there

No, she won't get mad, but she will want

No, that's people do that, that's a thing.

No, they want to break us up.

No, they won't bring it up 'cause they'll feel bad

No, what you're seeing

No, you can leave it up there.

No, you can tell your story after I tell mine.

No, you can't.

No, you know what? This makes sense

No, you look like you just escaped the cute farm.

No, you said, "Yeah, maybe."

No, youdon't, 'cause you're a mom.

No, your son wants to ride a motorcycle

No!

No! [gasps]

No! I need this job.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Don and I rented a couple dirt bikes

No. I like that you want to go check on your friend,

No. I'm grateful for all the things she brought into my life.

No. I'm not allowed to make any decisions.

No. No, this is just our regular, typical breakfast.

No. No.

No. No.

No. Not Donny's Angels.

No. Oh...

No. She got screamed at by an angry, old Romanian.

No. So what I need is a maker of unpleasantness, huh?

No. They're girls from my Spanish class.

No. Why?

No. You're sorry, and I'm sorry.

No.Only when you run.

Nobody but you here tonight.

Nobody cares about hisinterests.

Nobody gets to ask me why anymore.

Nobody said you were dumb.

Nobody wants their nana to know they did it in a barn.

Nobody wants to look at the groom.

None of this would've happened.

None of your business business.

Nope. It says "mom" everywhere on here.

Not a cold butt since 1987.

Not a guys' trip, got it.

Not as far as I know.

Not cool, Mom.

Not me. I I don't get it.

Not to mention you got $20,000 worth of drugs.

Not true.

Not wanting to spend time with you

Not yet.

Nothin' but hole.

Nothing has to change.

Nothing hit me.

Nothing is going on.

Nothing.

Now all our wives are gonna want to go.

Now Don and I will have to vacation together.

Now everyone will believe me.

Now give him the damn hat.

Now I got nothing left except I think you dress too fancy.

Now I have to tell Andi no when she thinks I told her yes.

Now I need to go oldold school.

Now I really need you to handle this!

Now I'm officially part of the team.

Now I'm starring in my own horror movie and it's rated G.

Now it says something.Aw.

Now let's go upstairs, Señor Spicy.

Now listen carefully. You listening?

Now she's gonna find it and be happy.

Now that Don is here, I think we should talk

Now that I'm single, I don't have anyone

Now that's a wife.

Now thatis payback.

Now we just need something to do... besides talking.

Now you're talking.

Now, I am gonna go down there and rearrange this guy's face

Now, I might not be able to save him from aliens,

Now, it's not all fun and games, Lowell.

Now, let's get to work, huh?

Now, mosey on over here, partner.

Now, when I hear her coming in,

Now, who wants a soy glazed mushroom cutlet?

Now, you can keep driving it here at home,

Number one: if there's a bear attack,

Obviously, I took

Obviously, you can take care of yourself.

Of Childhood Accomplishments, and you know it.

Of course I am. Yeah. I'm so excited,

Of course I did.

Of course it was a setup.

Of course not.

Of course not.

Of course.

Of course.I knew he'd pick me.

Of everything he used to have...

Of literature aloud while I make room for it on the fridge.

Of looking at half naked ladies.

Of old baby pictures in the top of Kate's closet?

Of that band that Kate likes?

Of wife management.

Of working with your wife grief.

Oh well, maybe she was.

Oh ho ho ho.

Oh ho ho, Katie.

Oh ho ho.

Oh ho, you're good.

Oh, actually, Kelly's gotten me into scotch.

Oh, also, I told her you'd do it too.What?

Oh, and another thing.

Oh, and this hug is even nicer

Oh, and you know what?

Oh, Andi.

Oh, but, no, I'm afraid it'd remind him

Oh, come on,

Oh, come on, honey.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. Seriously, this is big.

Oh, Dad, I am honored.

Oh, doesn't surprise me. We know all about your drought.

Oh, Don, I hate seeing you like this.

Oh, don't mind me, I'm a, uh, seat warmer.

Oh, every day's a surprise.

Oh, for God's sakes. Adam.

Oh, geez, Bev's home.

Oh, God...

Oh, good idea. He'll spot her.

Oh, h hey, kids, uh, we're going out to run some

Oh, h how about this, stay through the week,

Oh, he was having vegan problems,

Oh, here comes Joe.

Oh, hey, Adam.

Oh, hey, Adam.

Oh, hey, Andi. You okay?

Oh, hey, Joe. How's Adam?

Oh, hey, Katie, by the way,

Oh, hey, ladies.

Oh, hey, Lowell.

Oh, hey, what was the name of that band again?

Oh, hey.

Oh, hey.

Oh, high five. Fun.

Oh, hon well, I don't want you to feel like that.

Oh, honey, we're not assigning blame out loud.

Oh, honey, you're welcome.

Oh, I am locked in.

Oh, I didn't recognize you at first.

Oh, I got a good feeling about this one.

Oh, I got so much good stuff. Let me at her, coach.

Oh, I have a conference in town.

Oh, I just had a tub of hummus, but thanks.

Oh, I like it. I can really

Oh, I love it.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, I slept great. Oh, but I do

Oh, I think he might be more put off by a topless male nurse.

Oh, I'm not going anywhere.She's not going anywhere, Adam.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, is this going to be

Oh, it wasn't a party?

Oh, it's got nothing to do with my tone, okay?

Oh, it's like baby proofing, but so you don't end up crying.

Oh, Katie.

Oh, kids, I brought you some presents.

Oh, look.

Oh, Lowell won't mind. Right, Lowell?

Oh, Lowell, do you need a ride to work?I'll meet you there.

Oh, Ma.

Oh, Marcy's here. Got to go.

Oh, modern parenting is ruining our country.

Oh, Mom.

Oh, more stickers.

Oh, my God, she's gonna peel him like an orange.

Oh, my God, you fixed it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. How much?

Oh, my God. How much?

Oh, my God. That was 15 years ago!

Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful.

Oh, my name is Funchy. You canjust call me that.

Oh, my...!

Oh, no problem.

Oh, no, I I'll be strong.

Oh, no, my boys are here.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no. Don't worry about that.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, no. No, you can't tell Adam.

Oh, no.

Oh, not good.

Oh, now the bean bell has a belly.

Oh, now you weren't trying.

Oh, oh, are we done? Okay.

Oh, oh, uh, Kelly, meet our friend Lowell.

Oh, oh... No.

Oh, people were making friends, all right.

Oh, really giving her the business, huh?

Oh, really? How do you know that kitten

Oh, right, right. Okay.

Oh, right. That thing Andi did.

Oh, shoot. Is it Easter?

Oh, so all that stuff

Oh, so now it's reluctant.

Oh, so what? You and Don always had parties when we left town.

Oh, so you want to talk about feelings.

Oh, sorry, that means...I know what it means.

Oh, thank you, James.

Oh, that is good. Yeah.

Oh, that poor baby duck.

Oh, that? I I thought it looked better

Oh, that's it?

Oh, that's me.

Oh, that's okay.

Oh, that's really romantic, Don.

Oh, that's right, who'd you pick?

Oh, then we can call my signature drink

Oh, there she is. That's our daughter.

Oh, there's my boy.

Oh, this better not be about me and the dog track.

Oh, this is gonna be so great.

Oh, this is gonna take a while.

Oh, this is working out just like I planned.

Oh, Tokyo is amazing.

Oh, wait, I don't have to be nice anymore. Bye.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. What if we fooled around,

Oh, wait. I didn't see that. No.

Oh, we would have a big laugh in Tokyo

Oh, we're gonna lose the next war.

Oh, we're returning these.

Oh, well, hey, well, you know what I always say.

Oh, well, she's not my sister. I'll ask her.

Oh, well, that makes sense.

Oh, well, um, I'm sorry, I I didn't know, I...

Oh, well, you'll bounce back.

Oh, well...

Oh, what for?

Oh, what's this?

Oh, which reminds me.

Oh, who leaves a half eaten Slim Jim in their backpack?

Oh, whoa, whoa, why would you go out there,

Oh, wow, yeah.

Oh, yay! I'm so glad I got this job.

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

Oh, yeah, there's bears everywhere.

Oh, yeah, well, hope... hope you're not on a diet.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah? I got two birds for you.

Oh, yeah? Well, let me tell you something.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. : Okay?

Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Oh, yeah. I painted it myself.

Oh, yeah.[laughs]

Oh, you also can't call it fun.

Oh, you came home. I'm so proud of you.Oh.

Oh, you could row one of her shoes across a lake

Oh, you get me. Yeah.

Oh, you got a little something all over here.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Oh, you know what'll be fun?

Oh, you looked like one of The Jackson 5.

Oh, you you have my word.

Oh! It's a keeper.: Yeah.

Oh! Pretend she's Don.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. And they brought

Oh. Fine with me. Mm.

Oh. Hmm. I see.

Oh. I'll go.

Oh. No, that's a... that's a good thing.

Oh. Oh, I took that down because I got tired

Oh. Okay, but if you change your mind within 30 days,

Oh. Okay, well, if it's for school,

Oh. Pantry!

Oh. So you didn't learn any lessons?

Oh. So you're mad

Oh. That's not good.

Oh. Then you're welcome.

Oh. This is awkward.

Oh. This is the perfect way to connect with Katie.

Oh. Uh huh. Makes sense.

Oh. Uh, yeah, you don't want to do that.

Oh. Well, everything's great.

Oh. Well, that doesn't matter anymore.

Oh. Well, then, no.

Oh. Well, we are a very pro vibe company.

Oh. Wow.: Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, you're right.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... [laughs]

Oh.I'll just tell Adam

Oh.What's wrong?

Okay, and now, I am at the fourth stage:

Okay, buddy, h have a seat.

Okay, but aren't you curious

Okay, but but, hey, I just, I need to know

Okay, but this is gonna blow up in your face.Hmm. Wha...?

Okay, but you promised to stay out of it.

Okay, but, honey, none of this means you're a bad father.

Okay, bye, honey.

Okay, Don's all set up in the back

Okay, Emme went to a sleepover. Where's Adam?

Okay, everyone knows where everyone is.

Okay, fine,

Okay, fine, I'll go,

Okay, fine.

Okay, fine. If you won't listen to us,

Okay, fine. Look uh...

Okay, fine. Then we'll we'll play without you.

Okay, fine. There was a party.

Okay, first bite starts the clock,

Okay, first of all, no more modern.

Okay, go upstairs, please.

Okay, here's a tip.

Okay, here's the deal.

Okay, hold on, a lot of people drink wine at lunch.

Okay, huddle up, team.

Okay, I can be shallow.

Okay, I got out over my skis on that one.

Okay, i if you're so wise, then what's my sister's motive

Okay, I know it's not popular to say these days,

Okay, I think it's time to get off the couch.

Okay, I'll do it.

Okay, I'll talk to Dad.

Okay, I'm coming around.

Okay, I'm onto you.What?

Okay, I'm sorry wait. Wait.

Okay, I'm sorry I ate the ribs.

Okay, I'm taking you with me. What? What?

Okay, I'm...

Okay, if she's so wonderful now and really cares about Lowell,

Okay, if you get the ball in the hole from here,

Okay, it's settled.

Okay, it's time to open presents.

Okay, Julian can't think

Okay, just, uh, oh, tell Andi I went home to use the bathroom.

Okay, let him go.

Okay, let him have it.

Okay, let's just get Lowell's stuff and get out of here.

Okay, let's just see how you do in the hands of a mom.

Okay, let's look at it in baseball terms, okay?

Okay, listen.

Okay, look,

Okay, look, I know we talked about this,

Okay, look, I wanted you to go,

Okay, Lowell is out cold.

Okay, Marcy, I cannot let my wife

Okay, Mom,

Okay, moms are better at some things, too.

Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shake it off, champ.

Okay, now I know you're lying.

Okay, now you're gonna have to trust me on this.

Okay, now, I didn't get your clothes,

Okay, okay, he won the barbecue lottery.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay, sweetie. So beautiful.

Okay, okay, you're always looking out for me.

Okay, she's getting to me.Mm hmm.

Okay, so Teddy and Emme are at Uncle Don's...

Okay, so what do you suggest?

Okay, so, let's play a little game

Okay, so, the year was 1974,

Okay, tell me it's not gonna happen again.

Okay, that thing I just agreed to?

Okay, that's it. You are off the job.

Okay, that's Lowell. Wait, wait, wait, one more thing,

Okay, that's your call and I respect that.

Okay, then tomorrow.Well...

Okay, this is a waste of time.

Okay, truce.

Okay, uh, if we're the same,

Okay, we have 35 seconds.

Okay, we'll work on it this weekend.

Okay, well,

Okay, well, after we help Lowell, we'll help you.

Okay, well, I don't have to,

Okay, well, I I'll get your dad to do it when he gets home.

Okay, well, if that's true,

Okay, well, if you want to talk, go talk to Lowell.

Okay, well, let me keep working on this and...

Okay, well, Lowell,

Okay, well, maybe paint a picture of you working. Hmm?

Okay, well, there's no bad news from tonight's

Okay, well, what other explanation is there?

Okay, what's up?

Okay, when are we gonna be old enough to stay for one of these?

Okay, yeah, that

Okay, you listen, you got this. Okay?

Okay, you are a 50 year old man

Okay, you don't have to talk to Lowell.

Okay, you feel better now?

Okay, you go.

Okay, you got me. But don't tell your mother.

Okay, you have two minutes.

Okay, you know what, Adam,

Okay, you know what?

Okay, you win.

Okay, you're the boss, but, uh, can I ask you something?

Okay! I hurt my back. A little.

Okay?

Okay? And last time we gambled,

Okay? And like the mob,

Okay? Around here, we like to stick

Okay? At that deli, I'm getting sauerkraut on my Rueben.

Okay? H Honey, I swear,

Okay? I I'll refill your water, okay?

Okay? I'm thinking we need something

Okay? If he wanted to talk about it, he would've talked about it.

Okay? It's been a week.

Okay? Otherwise, you open up a whole can of worms

Okay? She needs to know that there are consequences

Okay? So, when she comes in, you know what to do?

Okay? They taste just like chicken, but wet.

Okay? Usually I'm the big spoon and she's the little spoon.

Okay? We coddle

Okay? When I told her Lowell was going,

Okay? When you're older, and you build a house

Okay? You're the parent.

Okay?[exhales]

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Fine, you're the dad,

Okay. Hey, Katie, we're very tired,

Okay. Hey, who's ready for another margarita, huh?

Okay. I guess that's something.

Okay. I'll go.

Okay. I'm going outside.

Okay. Inspection's all done.

Okay. Let's start planning our trip.

Okay. Like what?

Okay. No.

Okay. Okay, good, good. We're making progress.

Okay. Okay, well, that's good.

Okay. Uh, that sounds like something

Okay. Wait.

Okay. You know what? I'm a professional.

Okay. You're in charge.

Okay... hit me.

Okay.Good.

Okay.Honey, don't worry about it.

Okay.I'll just grab a drink,

Okay.Okay.

Old school works.

Old Spice, my secret weapon.

On a bed.

On a school night was not smart.

On my bucket list: the Devil's Tailpipe

On our property.

On the back of the pantry door.

On the block.

On the porch?

On your new desk?

One hitch: if we can't pay him back,

One of life's cruel jokes:

One of my favorite things about you

One of those strawberry snack bars to soften her up.

One of you is wearing light up shoes.

One time, at a concert, the singer said,

Only 64 other men in the world can say that.

Ooh, I see an opening.

Ooh, I want to be mad at you, but I just can't. What...

Ooh, I'm interested.

Ooh, it's Andi. Uh, everybody shush.

Ooh, Old West prostitute. I like it.

Ooh, she was not expecting that.

Ooh!

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh. A month, huh? Sounds serious.

Ooh. How about the Wisconsin Dells?

Ooh.All right.

Ooh.Whoa...

Oops.

Open mine.

Or a potbellied pig.

Or a spa.MEN: Ooh.

Or as your dad calls it, brunch.

Or did he pull another Mission: Impossible

Or else they wouldn't be over there.

Or from when I walked in and said,

Or I know a guy down at the track who lends money.

Or it's chaos.

Or maybe you'd like us to help you pack.

Or number one, as far as she'll know.

Or oldold school.

Or should I dunk myself in honey

Or the desk.

Or were you trying to avoid me?

Or you can start driving it at work.

Or...

Or...

Or... Vegas!MEN: What?

Other people's kids need to know the truth.

OTHERS: Aww!

OTHERS: Aww!

Otherwise, it's too sad, and I end up buying 'em a goat.

Our beer chugging, mechanical bull riding DNA.

Our cabin trip to the next level.

Our kids so that everyone thinks they're special.

Our lying husbands are here.

Our other option is to just let 'em go.

Our problem is the low road wasn't low enough.

Our wives will want to go.

Out in the world, you wouldn't be a jackass.

Out of a savings bond.

Out, out, out, out. Go, go, go, go!

Parenting's easy.

Part of our old school rules, kids clean up after themselves.

Passed out in a bowl of chicken wings.

Pay up, shorties.

People don't change.

People might start to not like you.

People say hurtful things.

People think I'm funny at work.

Peru.

Pick it up.

Pittsburgh has plenty of banks.

Pittsburgh is a city. How can you not...

Planet of the Apes,maybe?Eh...

Plays shortstop for the Mets?

Please? No.

Plus, a bill for some stuff Dad stole.

Plus, he's already agreed to read Lonesome Doveto you

Plus, he's single and he already has kids.

Plus, I know deep in my heart,

Plus, it saves me a run to Costco.

Plus, she's willing to say she's a diabetic

Plus, Teddy is the only one in his class who hadn't seen it.

Plus, the company would be nice.

Plus, what are you gonna slam now, Slammy Davis Jr.?

Plus, you can't sing in the woods.

Plus, you said it's always so boring,

Poor Anne Hatch away.

Poor Marcy and Bev.

Practice does make perfect.

Pretend to sleep and look cute.

Pretty great. Yeah.

Pretty much the whole package.

Pretty sure I'm right.

Previously on Man with a Plan...

Principal Collins, we are so sorry.

Pro tip, if you angle the TVs just right,

Probably more.

Project, school, baby.

Prove me right, boy.

Pushing your little sister is okay.

Put Don on the phone.

Put Don's nudie calendar back up

Put down that Slim Jim.

Put him on a StairMaster and wait for my payday.

Put him on the ground.

Quack quack, Jen.

Raccoons don't share.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? That makes me feel so much better.

Really? Well, I can't leave you here.

Relax. Nobody saw us break in.

Remember Emme?

Remember that time

Remember when the kids were all over us all the time?

Restaurants are where women fall in love.

Rhymes with "glad."

Ribs, mac and cheese, pork and beans.

Riding a motorcycle down Satan's Butt Crack.

Riding down to the lobby.

Right on. [chuckles]

Right, guys? Back me up here.

Right, right. And now that I'm her boss,

Right, when you see evidence that you're wrong,

Right?

Right? To make the most money when we sell it.

Right.

Right. Pants.

Right. Right.

Right. That's why we're both wearing ties.

Right. The "yeah" meant you approved

Roger that.

Rolling around town with a cute broad.

Rubbing it in once I caved.

Sad it up.

Sad people don't do that.

Safety first, guys.

Safety first.

Said I should get out of the house and take a rehab walk.

Saying I am good to go?

Scary times.

Screw it. Let's go get our girl.

Second lunch, you taught me that.

See if I can snap him out of it.

See the ball, hit the ball.

See you at the Olympics.

See, Lowell? It's all coming together.

See, the problem is,

See, the radiation Y You know what?

See, there are pictures,

Seeing your sister with her wonderful family,

Seriously?

Set on top of two gigantic feet.

Shaking his head, wondering how he could've been so wrong.

Share your feelings with him and then report back to me.

Sharing the truth with you now.

Sharpen whatever you want, Don.

She already charmed you.

She already turned you? You weak minded fool.

She barely chewed it, she was like a seal with a fish.

She brings up something I disagree with,

She can put her stuff on your desk.

She can't be trusted.

She can't have the ice cream that's downstairs.

She cares about my interests, Adam.

She deserves the truth. I'll I'll go tell her now.

She did her talking when she climbed out her window.

She didn't seem depressed at all.

She doesn't get to be happy.

She doesn't laugh at my jokes like that.

She doesn't need to know I have second breakfast here.

She eats plants.

She feels like I'm thinking about it

She gets good grades, she's responsible,

She had a party.

She has big feet, right?

She hasn't found a new social circle yet.

She is gonna regret the day she let you go.

She is in trouble. Why is she laughing?

She is never gonna change.

She is not.

She just got fired.

She just laid there.

She loves ribs.

She made herself.

She made it halfway to third base, Andi.

She made me watch Sex and the Cityreruns.

She might be in Pittsburgh forever.

She might go full koala.

She needs to respect me as her boss.

She only let me come down here

She only sees the best in people.

She probably pulled it together because we knocked.

She said it sounded fun.

She said no, but I was still jazzed about our date.

She seems like the boss, am I wrong about that?

She she sent them to a modeling agency

She sucker punched me before the bell.

She told me that the color yellow looked good on me

She told us that she's just using you

She used to love doing stuff with me.

She was the instructor, and she was adjusting your pose.

She wasn't completely rotten when we were kids.

She went down in the first round.

She went to dinner with the loan officer.

She will ruin you. You got to end it with her.

She won't bring it up unless they do.

She'll be in for a big surprise.

She'll call you back in a few years.

She'll know we couldn't old school her, either.

She'll leave, but I can't do it.

She'll look at me, and we'll both know

She'll never crack that code.

She'll never find her own bananas!

She'll rip my arms off.

She's a good girl.

She's a lucky lady.

She's driving the bus. This is my bus,

She's gonna be here all the time.

She's gonna get a real long look at you.

She's gonna have to cook two different dinners every night.

She's got our DNA.

She's having a tough time at school, all right?

She's like a monkey raised in captivity.

She's looking for a soft landing, and Lowell

She's my sister. I can't ask her to leave.

She's never said anything like that to me before.

She's not a vegan.

She's not jealous, and she's not going anywhere.

She's our favorite.

She's real mad at you.

She's really not gonna like my tone on that.

She's resourceful.

She's soft, just like Teddy used to be.

She's still gonna be upset when we go in there,

She's the one we raised the least.

She's tracking me.

She's with a horse guy, right?

Shh!

Shoot. You know, I really thought

Should've known you were coming. I saw a bat fly by the window.

Show me the ropes.

Show some respect.

Since Jen and I split up, she has all the money

Since Jen and I split up.

Since nobody wants to come here.

Since the beginning of time,

Since today. Chicks dig Batman.

Since we caught Katie sneaking out,

Since when?

Since you and your wife split up.

Since you told me to return it after our wedding.

Since you won't exercise with me at my gym.

Since you're so darn cute.

Sit down, make yourself at home.

Sitting around, doing nothing.

Six different sausages.

So Andi tried to manipulate me with sex to get that tile,

So do I!

So does our mob include my girlfriend?

So don't feel bad and start apologizing.

So even though I am not competing, I win.

So from now on,

So get moving.

So give Kelly a chance.

So go check on your friend.

So he went home to use the bathroom.

So here's what we've prepared for your first vegan experience.

So how'd it go when you guys uninvited Mom and Marcy?

So how's school?

So I came back to find Kelly on the porch.

So I came up with a solution, I'm wife proofing.

So I could probably get my money back.

So I don't recommend eating in the car.

So I guess I'll go do it in the shovel of the bulldozer.

So I know you have a plan.

So I think we should meet this girl.

So I wanted to be here to say "nice knowing you."

So I was right.

So I went to see my ex, Jen,

So I will create the universe.

So I'll just say it in my head.

So I'm going to my sister's.

So I'm gonna ask you the same question I asked you

So I'm gonna go sit in your chair

So I'm gonna have to appeal to your better nature.

So if you need me, I'll be in my bulldozer.

So in the parents' room, well,

So insane.Ah, but it won't be.

So is vegan like vegetarian?

So it may be a little slow.

So it'll never be cleaner.

So it's a tie.

So it's bringing up a lot of feelings.

So it's just you and me.

So it's your dad and Don's fault?

So Joe isn't put off when he walks in.

So Kate really hugged you?

So let her have the tile.

So Lowell's staying with us?

So maybe from time to time we could just...

So no bellyaching.

So no more wife proofing? No more hiding things?

So raise your hand if you think Adam

So she could see the fireworks.

So she drove herself and my truck keys to work.

So she dug deep and won the gold.

So they're chick none nuggets.

So we have time to get to the truck.

So we'll just break in. Then when she gets back

So we'll never see him again.

So we're just gonna go straight up to bed.

So we're not gonna do that anymore, right?

So what are you thinking?

So what? I don't care about being your hero.

So what's our move?

So when he grows up, he'll do something right.

So when she hears a no from you, it's a shock to the system.

So whenever

So who's really at fault?

So you can box it up and send it all back to Peruvia.

So you can see, we're very serious.

So you could see that he didn't really mean his apology.

So you failed to seduce the bank guy.

So you faked being hurt so you wouldn't have to go.

So you have all the numbers.

So you have to watch them.

So you told them you were worried about working with me.

So you're a vegan now, huh?

So you're trying to feed me nut cheese?

So you're turning your life upside down

So,

So, about this nurse...I'm not listening

So, Butterbean, Daddy was totally right

So, check out this standing desk.

So, Dad, you wanted to talk about our annual trip

So, for your school project,

So, get this.

So, here. You're the captain now. [chuckles]

So, how do you control someone you love?

So, how do you know Adam and Andi?

So, how's Lowell doing?

So, I wanted to look you in the eye

So, I, uh,

So, if you want to blame someone, blame them.

So, is it time to paint Uranus?

So, it's detention at school,

So, it's official.

So, Kelly, about what you said to me before.

So, listen,

So, Lowell, what are you gonna do with your bonus?

So, then I said to the eye doctor,

So, uh, what are your intentions with Lowell?

So, uh, what's going on?

So, um, what's the next step?

So, what do you think, James?

So, what do you want to do now?

So, what happens now? Can I still do whatever I want?

So, you, Teddy and Emme are gonna be staying

So, you're with Lowell because of me.

So, your dad and I have to go away for a night.

So? How bad is it?

So? How was the doctor?

So... I dozed off.

So... so you'll do it?

So... your back seems fine, Adam.

Soft and flat. I loved it.

Some guys just can't handle a drought.

Some of the stuff you were feeling?

Some parents decided that they knew better.

Some poor bastard who was holding the door for her.Shh.

Some teenager was stealing second base in our pantry!

Someone already has the Wall Hole site,

Someone else is gonna have to give theirs up.

Someone fell asleep in the foxy machine.

Someone needs to talk him into getting a nurse,

Something about a hero.

Something I'm gonna tell your dad in the other room.

Something's in it for them,

Sometimes, I walk over there,

Son, I've been waiting to hear you say those words

Son, when you were a kid,

Sorry I screwed you over.

Sorry I'm late.

Sorry we didn't get much work done today.

Sorry, boy, I'm Team Kelly.

Sorry, Grey Thunder. Yeah.

Sorry, kid, but I barely know you.

Sorry, you're right, I agreed.

Sorry. It just got funny again.Oh.

Sorry. It's just, this loan is really important to us.

Sorry. It's not the gender.

Specifically the jealousy.

Spoon?

Starting to spin out a little?

Startling, but beautiful.

Stay calm, but it's all up to you.

Stay on the high road with me.

Stay strong.

Step into the elevator and let's take a ride up

Stop doing that.

Stop listening to my words and let me talk.

Stop shouting vegetables, all right? I'm not mad at you.

Stop talking. This family talks too much. Goodbye.

Suck on that, Funchy.Hey.

Super duper dedicated.

Sure thing, Nursey.

Sure, just as long as it's after Fried Chicken Friday.

Sure. Sure, I've had stuff

Surprise, he's in our bed again.

Sweetie? I say this with love.

Swimming right after you eat.

Take Andi to a hotel.

Take it down.

Take it easy, buddy.

Take off the sheet on your right.

Take your mind off your son not looking up to you.

Taken you with me to watch the 65 TVs.

Taking care of other people.

Ted Teddy!

Teddy did it.

Teddy was using my mascara brush

Teddy,

Teddy, let's go for a ride.

Teddy, look what I found.

Teddy, show her what's behind door number one.

Teddy, show her.

Teddy, you've been doing that all night.

TEDDY: I was mid sneeze.

Teddy.

Teddy...

Teddy's scared.

Tell her you agree with me?

Tell me about you.Well, I...

Tell me you didn't "baby duck" her.

Tell you what, Don and Lowell both work with you,

Tell your kids to give me the swing.

Ten missed calls. [chuckles]Oh.

Ten years experience, rave recommendations.

Terrific.

Than I am your body.

Than I've talked about you in your entire life.

Than my pop did, and you're doing a better job than I did.

Thank God you're here.

Thank you for this.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, Joe.

Thank you, Lowell.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. All right.

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. We are like the mob.

Thank you.Yeah.

Thanks for coming by. We wanted you here

Thanks for coming to pick us up.

Thanks for the tickets, Adam.

Thanks for waiting.

Thanks for... whatever this is.

Thanks to Lowell's jambalaya.

Thanks to you, this whole thing just got ten times worse.

Thanks to your yellow toothed friend Marcy.

Thanks, but I'm okay.

Thanks, but I'm okay.

Thanks, Daddy. [chuckling]: Yeah.

Thanks, Don Don.

Thanks, everyone.

Thanks, Grandpa.

Thanks, guys, but I seriously feel great.

Thanks, guys.Yeah. Hey, uh, Teddy,

Thanks, honey.

Thanks, honey.

Thanks, honey.

Thanks, Lowell, but it's not really the same thing.

Thanks.

Thanks. [chuckles]

Thanks. Maybe that'll help get me moving.

Thanks. My plan went perfectly.

That are turnoffs.

That boy, your dad.

That can tell you the weather.

That date does not end in a smooch.

That did not seem genuine.

That does sound more like Adam.

That doesn't sound like us.

That gives me a big feeling, Lowell!

That got me the hat back.Mm.

That he would care about a school...

That he's giving Jen some space

That I drove onto the front lawn of the library.

That I have been holding in for a long time.

That I owned you.

That I was looking at the weather up there,

That I'm supposed to do tomorrow?

That if anything happens to her, the media is gonna blame you,

That intervention was a dirty trick.

That is a great question.

That is a phrase that a wife made up,

That is an excellent question, Teddy.

That is not a good sign.

That is so sweet.

That is stone cold old.

That is the code that we live by, hmm?

That is the longest I've gone

That is why it's a tricycle!

That just made us sadder when they got eaten.

That kid Julian is coming over for a playdate with Emme,

That kid's the worst.

That kitten I took in.

That lady touched my rear end.

That loud talking the way she wants to.

That made me love everybody.

That makes a huge difference!

That makes biscuits this fluffy?

That makes me the hub.

That Marcy swore she would use every day.

That means hand painted.

That means our bed is empty.

That means we have to tear up the whole driveway.

That means you were 16 when I was born.

That means, "I'm lonely."

That might've led up to it.

That modeling agency was swallowed by a giant whale.

That music

That really means a lot.

That she picked out for the flip house.

That somebody's wife is coming in today, so be cool.

That sounds fun. Maybe I'll grow a...

That sounds like a lot of fun.

That that muscle rub is a miracle.

That they don't like your tone.

That ThighMaster really paid off.

That this knee surgery is gonna be tough,

That this was gonna blow up in your face?

That wants to give you money a money mirror.

That was a good one, yeah.

That was awesome.Hmm.

That was incredible, Mom. You really are a hero.

That was no hug.

That was no victory lap.

That was pretty good with Teddy. Mm.

That was your one job!

That we had last time.

That we're coming home.

That we're not the first parents arguing about this stuff.

That won't work. They talk to each other.

That would drop everything to go to an Ass For You concert?

That you can manipulate.

That you can't be trusted.

That you don't always recognize a good idea.

That you took it out on my chair.

That you were the only one that wouldn't buy the new me.

That you're really committed.Well...

That you've lost all credibility.

That... is an idea I did not see coming.

That'd be great; it's math.

That'll be the pizza.

That'll work, but I know that the one I picked is perfect.

That's 'cause she's jealous. Where's her box, huh?

That's a bowling ball.

That's a confusing answer.

That's a fancy hotel.

That's a good opening line, I'm listening.

That's a great idea.

That's a lot of no's.

That's a low blow, Andi.

That's actually a great idea.

That's all I'm saying.

That's all right.

That's amazing. So far, all we got is noes.

That's beautiful. Never gets old, son.

That's because this weird neighbor

That's because you guys are men,

That's called "husband management."

That's deep stuff.

That's from me and Marcy.

That's gonna run, like, 20 grand.

That's good. Great.

That's good. Your ex wife wasn't very funny.

That's how fancy this place is.

That's how I paint a picture.

That's how smart she is.Mm.

That's it.

That's it. Andi hates bears. I can use that.

That's just a fork.

That's just another life lesson

That's just to give the neighbor ladies a thrill.

That's music welisten to every day!

That's my dad, Joe Burns, and that's why he's my hero."

That's my girl.

That's my light bill.

That's not a real thing.

That's not funny.

That's not funny. I don't like that.

That's not how I remember it. Sayonara.

That's not payback!

That's not true.

That's not true. How do you know that?

That's okay. These days, I sleep in the fetal position.

That's old school.

That's one point.And if you make it from here, it's two points.

That's powerful because it's true.Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

That's right, Dad.

That's right, he's part of your work family.

That's right, you're her boss, too,

That's right.

That's right. All along, we had a plan.

That's right. Drink it in.

That's right. It's all on you now. Whoo!

That's right. That's right.

That's smarter.

That's that's exactly what you said the first time.

That's the Adam Burns way.

That's the frittata.

That's the furthest thing from old school I've ever heard.

That's the kind of thing people do

That's the kitchen.

That's the most romantic place in town.

That's the one.That one. That wins.

That's the opposite of the dentist.

That's the other thing. I'm not faking.

That's the thing about college boys they have beds!

That's too bad. You might get lucky if you did.

That's too late and weird.

That's true.

That's true.

That's what a wedding is,

That's what makes it sweet.

That's what we should be doing with Katie.

That's what you notice about this?

That's what you say to Mr. Roboto.

That's where all the blood will be.

That's why all the guys are after her.

That's why he can't sleep by himself.

That's why I need help

That's why I said "you're welcome."

That's why I turn off the UNICEF commercial

That's why I'm calling in my teammate, Andi.

That's why they make you dress in black, like a roadie.

That's why theygive birth.

That's why.

That's your favorite exercise.

That'sold school.

The Adam Burns Golden Box of Childhood Accomplishments.

The bad news is we're back where we started.

The barbecue ribs lottery.

The boss.

The buyers can still back out until

The comps for this neighborhood,

The deal might go south, and it was time for extreme measures.

The end of business today, which is in...

The fact that we're so annoying

The faster I move, the brighter my shoes blink.

The first time she held our daughter in her lap,

The fish of truth.

The fishing, the the topless Don.

The glitch being she chases me away when I go near our house.

The golden box of kid junk?

The good news is,

The greatest minds in the world

The grocer, the pharmacist,

The guest room shares a wall with the master.

The guy promising never to have fun again.

The guy with the jug of nickels is gonna be living like a king.

The Hamburglar? O Or was it Mayor McCheese?

The hell with him.Oh, no, no.

The hell you didn't! There were more beers

The house is almost done.

The house sold for more than we expected.

The house we've been fixing up to sell.

The inside pipes are up to code,

The lady on Fixer Upper would make.

The loan officer is a guy.

The lobster tank crying?

The longer this goes on,

The man who, last Fourth of July, forgot to put on sunscreen

The money is in the merchandise.

The more kids you have, the less time there is

The motorcycle trip's off. He said I can't go.

The Murphy bed's hardworking little brother.

The new me always comes when family calls.

The next two hours bragging about it. Ha!

The nice, pretty thing I want to buy, why can't I buy it?

The one thing I told her not to do.

The only thing I did last night was binge watch Fantasy Island.

The only thing up your sleeve is gonna be sudsy water

The only way to salvage this thing

The other ladies' husbands are so rotten.

The other parents think you guys are crazy.

The other two have rotten husbands.

The others heard about it and showed up.

The point is, Andi,

The problem is,

The problem is, Andi's not used to me saying no to her.

The queen's in the audience.

The reason those guys wanted to go to the moon

The saleslady at the store said it was a love seat.

The same way you talk to everybody else.

The snacks and the the, the, uh, broom.

The thing is, I can't be a vegan.

The trip is dead.

The trouble is, you're at your loan limit.

The truth is I'm jealous of you.

The two old guys from The Muppets?

The usual: We hit the batting cages, eat some hotdogs.

The view's nice, I've never been up here before.

The wives will know it's because they're going.

The worse it's gonna be for him

Then all you have to worry about are the leeches.

Then Dad said it wasn't funny.

Then dads deserve the right to be oversensitive.

Then do it for me because I'm your son.

Then driving over here, it got funny again.

Then great. I'm gonna put my calendar back up.

Then he just walks out the door. It was the perfect trick.

Then I guess I'll uninvite Andi.

Then I hope you brought backup.

Then I kind of had to buy it.

Then I said, "I love you, too."

Then I'll call the gym about Emme. Yeah.

Then it sounds like you're fighting,

Then it's official.

Then let's go book it. Girls' trip!

Then listen to him. Dad, go ahead. Scare him straight.

Then she feels sorry for me and makes me lasagna.

Then she'll be able to answer a simple question about him.

Then they mate with you.

Then they'llwant to go.

Then we each blame it on the other two guys.

Then yes, he's a gift from heaven.

Then, I remembered that Teddy's really scared of spiders.

Thengot the pictures?Oh, honey,

There are a couple of rules. Dad?

There are no feelings here.

There is a cabin.

There is no conference.

There is no difference between moms and dads.Look, will you just

There is no way she's all of a sudden a different person.

There it is.

There was a spider on me, Andi.

There was this cow, his name was Paul MooCartney

There were bound to be some bumps.

There you are.

There you go. Huh?

There you go.Thanks.

There's a deli in the middle.

There's a hairball in my shower drain.

There's a lot of ways you can do it.

There's a master remote?Uh huh.

There's a new Godzilla movie out.

There's a new sheriff in town.

There's a twist I did not see coming.

There's hit songs about it.

There's just no room in here.

There's lots of other choices.

There's my girl.

There's no one there to replace it.

There's no other choice.

There's no way she'll let me go on our dirt bike trip.

There's nothing in here.

There's only a limited amount of hugs until she goes to college.

There's school projects

There's something else I want to say

There's something very special in Teddy's backpack.

There's too many people walking around out there

These are not sexy words.

These violent criminals broke into my house.

They are not on a date. Look at them.

They booked me at the The Ritz, but I stay at nice places

They call me a hero.

They can't help it.

They cried until they got bored, and when no one came in,

They don't know we're in here.

They don't like the idea of us having fun.

They don't pay me enough to care. Come on.

They fired me.

They fired you? What happened?

They fired you? What happened?

They have that.

They invented fire!

They know me there.

They let me use the remote that controls all 65 TVs.

They look a lot more like you.

They look at that painting and they say,

They nodded off.

They only look up to people who tell them they're great

They play when Darth Vader walks in.

They put the bib on him, and all hell broke loose.Yeah.

They ran right home to tell them.

They say that every time on the show.

They say the best gift you give yourself

They showed us a documentary about it at school,

They they don't name the goats after...

They watch you eat. If they can handle it,

They wouldn't make our faces so scratchy. Mm.

They'll realize we were just lying.

They're bad.

They're beautiful.ADAM : Yeah.

They're complimentary.

They're going fishing without me.

They're gonna Pictionary us to death.

They're helping Lowell during a difficult time.

They're made of steak and cheese.

They're not up to anything.

They're sharing a wedge salad.

They're stuck with it!

Think of me as a cat

This all goes back

This bag is broken.

This consequen

This consequences thing is happening to us!

This couch is where I will be living.

This guy is taking advantage of her.

This guy.

This guy's climbing a jungle gym.

This is a chance for us men to bond.Mm.

This is a date.

This is a great gig.

This is a little thing,

This is a masterpiece.

This is a prison, and your sentence is 18 years.

This is a terrible idea. Think of your mother.

This is completely different.

This is cool! I could take this to the Devil's Tailpipe!

This is cozy.

This is definitely gonna make the front table at open house.

This is even worse than Andi Patties.

This is fun.

This is gonna be fun.

This is gonna be the picture they put on the news.

This is gonna look great on the fridge.

This is great.

This is her first sneak out. Hold on.

This is it, honey.

This is it.

This is just a small wife management issue.

This is just about me trying to get away with something silly.

This is just like my first time alone in the car with Andi.

This is like one of those kitchens

This is like when Dad tried to save money on the pony ride.

This is my first year as captain.

This is my gift to you.

This is not a business dinner. This is a date.

This is not Billy Joel.

This is not how we live.

This is not my crowd.

This is our first work disagreement, okay?

This is over. I am intervening on this intervention.

This is ridiculous.

This is so fun!

This is so fun.

This is so unfair!

This is the guy. He's your nurse,

This is the least happy I've ever been.

This is unfair. I'd like to lodge a complaint.

This is where you're staying?

This is why I was reluctant

This is your chance to connect with her.

This isn't gonna work.

This morning, I put a banana

This morning, she took out an earbud

This must be what it feels like to be you.

This pie chart is very well done.

This room's taken, bro.

This seems hard. Have you considered

This seems like a family matter. I'll wait in the car.

This stuff is complimentary.

This this is Billy Joel all over again.

This vegan thing is working for me, too.

This very minute.

This was surprisingly fun.

This way,

This whole area here is Donny Land.

This whole thing has gone catawampus.

This whole thing was my fault.

This year, I've invited Lowell.

Those are my X rays.

Those ribs came from an innocent cow.

Those things drink blood.

Though we are hoping for desperate.

Three no's.

Through this guy's endless stories.

Till Katie's out of the house.

Time frame on how long this is gonna take?

Time to take a meat nap.

To agree to that nurse yet?

To an innocent glass of wine, but...

To any more of this nurse stuff.

To be a joy to treasure.

To be honest, I was thinking about Lowell's biscuits.

To be honest, when I hear you say it,

To be known for my patience

To buy a couples vacation for me and Marcy.

To buy another flip, but...

To celebrate my 50th birthday Burns style.

To convince Andi she doesn't want to go.

To dads are just better at some stuff than moms.

To do couples yoga with me?

To do the thing that makes kids.

To do this yourselves?

To enjoy a little break.

To enjoy during warm ups.

To get a perm after I told you not to.

To get an instant family. Try to deny it.

To get him to come down here.

To get the good seats.

To get you out of this jam, but you screwed it up.

To give that guy a piece of my mind.

To go out and have fun and avoid stuff around here.

To hang out with you on lonely nights.

To have a conversation about it.

To help the healing process.

To help you put on your socks.

To her climbing through a window.

To learn anything at school, and you don't get into college,

To listen to make sure I did a good job apologizing.

To make her very unhappy.

To make it look like he had chest hair.

To make it shorter.

To our beautiful wives. Huh?

To put the Peruvian tile?

To record Emme's recital.

To say to Kelly for 18 years.

To scare the bejesus out of Teddy?

To show how much you mean to me.

To sleep training.

To spray it on yourself like sunscreen.

To stay home by myself for one night.

To stuff like, "What kind of sauce is that?"

To take a family picture of us in matching outfits.

To take care of me if something happens.

To take you to school. Come on, let's go.

To talk about it over dinner?

To talk more about how much she envies me,

To teach a kid a lesson?Yeah.

To tell stories. To dig a hole

To tell Teddy to put Julian on the ground.

To the cabin?That's right.

To the lake and paddle around in a swan boat?

To the men's department.

To the people who do the right thing. Yeah?

To the wall and watch that.

To train on so we'll be ready.

To videotape their kids.

To win this Kate thing, or hotel sex?

To your little cabin instead.

Today is our one week workaversary.

Today's Mommy's big day to show us the sample finishes

Told you so.

Tomorrow, we'll just hit up a bunch of them

Tonight?Mm hmm.

Tons of foot traffic.

Too fancy, am I right, guys?

Too late, suckers![laughter]

Too late.

Toot, toot!

Toot, toot.

Trust me on this?

Trusting person, and Kelly is,

Try and change the channel now, Jen.

Try and put up a fight

Turn away, Don. You might see me cry.

Turning off lights.

Turns off the microphone and ducks behind the counter.

TV REPORTER: New England is enjoying a warm spell,

Two against one.

Two weeks ago, when you went to Target to buy Teddy new shorts?

Two?

Tying a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue.

Ugh, good. You're all here.

Ugh, husbands are weird.

Ugh, I've been all over town trying to find a cheaper tile

Ugh. Come on, you owe me.

Ugh. Look at this.

Ugh. What?

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh oh, did he leave another ham sandwich in there?

Uh uh. No. He wouldn't understand.

Uh uh. Oh. I do have one small confession.

Uh, actually, Mom, we're right in the middle of something.

Uh, but I definitely think

Uh, but sometimes, you just got to go with your gut.

Uh, but we need a name first.

Uh, chocolate shake.

Uh, definitely not.

Uh, here, have a seat.

Uh, hey.

Uh, hide the fun.

Uh, how exactly will Igo down?

Uh, I got you something.

Uh, I think you're forgetting about the Tic Tacs

Uh, kids, why don't you go get changed.[sighs]

Uh, Lowell, I'm just gonna borrow one of yours.

Uh, no idea.

Uh, no, I don't get it.

Uh, oh.

Uh, sorry to bother you, Dad. We need to borrow one of your ties.

Uh, sorry, I I missed that last part,

Uh, thanks for stopping by.

Uh, the "Cat's in the Cradle," "Danny Boy,"

Uh, uh... mm, uh...

Uh, we actually brought you here to meet Funchy,

Uh, we cook for you every day.

Uh, we'll boo.

Uh, well, what were you doing before I got here?

Uh, well, your mother's at the mall.

Uh, what things can't you eat?

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... you seeing someone?

Um, why don't you

Um, you have to talk to Lowell.

Um...

Uncle Don ding dong ditched us on their porch.

Under a beauty shop hair dryer reading Good Housekeeping.

Uninvite Lowell.

Unless he brushes his teeth.

Unless you put poison in the cheese.

Until we find one that'll give us money.

Until we sell that flip house, we are carrying two mortgages.

Up to what?

Upstairs in her room, crying.

Used to be Godzilla, now I have no idea.

Using your words is your first and best option.

Values in this neighborhood are up ten percent.

Vegas? Now their thing is better.

Very funny. Read read the real one.

Very important adult errands.

Very nice. You have children!

Victory at any cost. That's what makes a champion.

W We were married then.

W What happened to him?

W Why didn't you say anything?

Wait a minute, that does work!

Wait a minute, wait, you're still leaving, right?

Wait a minute. Didn't I ask you to put a box

Wait a minute. I mean, he's your friend.

Wait a minute. Where's the other guy?

Wait for the door slam.

Wait wait a minute, she was supposed to be

Wait,

Wait, Andi, let's remember what's important here.

Wait, hold on.

Wait, I have an idea.Let's hear it.

Wait, so if you're not mad about the essay,

Wait, so you agree with me?

Wait, this is on a 2002 calendar.

Wait, this is the hotel that gave us a free night

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, we still have ten seconds.

Wait, wait, wait. Look at this.Mm.

Wait!

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. How did you get me to go see Mamma Mia on Ice?

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You're you're leaving?

Wait. You know,

Walk into the lake and let the leeches take me?

Walk over there for a second and come back over here?

Wanted to go to the concert,

Was a good idea until he realized he was wrong.

Was it boys? Booze? Boys andbooze?

Was it Sal? Or Daryl? That seems like something he would do.

Was she crying on the porch?

Was what I've waited for my whole life.

Watch the language. This is Wimbledon.

Watching Dr. Phil in the TV section?

Way to find a loophole, baby!

Way to go, Andi.

We all get to lie in it.

We already used our airline miles to buy the doorknobs.

We are a team, but I don't know

We are all against bullying here, I... I hope.

We are all gonna have so much fun.

We are excellent at what we do, people like us

We are getting real classy.

We are going old school. Shock and awe.

We are going to...

We are not aww ing, we're boo ing.

We are not leaving Katie here by herself;

We are supposed to be a team.

We are supposed to parent together,

We believed in fresh air for kids.

We both like A55 4U.

We both want the same thing.

We came to make sure you were all right.

We can celebrate your independence.

We can do that?

We can go anywhere we want.

We can just sit here and talk about why you don't want to.

We can make this happen.

We can put the ribs in Emme's old car seat.

We can't afford that.

We can't afford the good parts.

We can't. Her and the girls are at her parents',

We did the best job with Emme by barely doing the job at all.

We didn't want to hurt their feelings. Oh.

We do?They're broken, but yeah.

We don't even need to know what anybody said

We don't need to go to Japan.

We don't want you to feel like a prisoner.

We escape by seniority, so you're last man out.

We failed?

We get our guys' trip, and our wives are happy.

We get to act superior by telling everybody we're vegan.

We give her food and clothes every single day.

We got a couple more banks to see,

We got expelled from every school.

We got food, we got beverages.

We got lost and just went to Dairy Queen.

We got to keep things moving.

We got to take care of a little business.

We had a golden retriever growing up that was a good girl.

We had to follow the smoke in the sky,

We had to hear you gas on about it for half an hour,

We have a heck of a streak going.

We have a solid business plan,

We have a ton of the older kids. You see?

We have Kate and Teddy, each going potty for the first time.

We have never eaten like this before.

We have no power because we love 'em too much.Mm.

We have something to say.

We have sports teams. Mister Rogers is from here.

We have the decency to lie about it.Yeah.

We have to execute perfect wife management.

We just don't want to have to kill a guy.

We just keep running into each other.

We just spent a lot of time at that deli,

We keep it simple, and we get stuff done, huh?

We keep marrying you because we're optimists

We like Kelly. We like her more than you.

We listened to the Rockytheme the whole way over.

We look real cult y, Mom.

We lost them. Read the room, man.

We may be small, but we're not dumb.

We need a new loan to finish the flip house

We need to find Katie!

We need to have a serious conversation

We need to shake things up, get this thing back on track.

We need to talk to you.

We never get anything like this around here.

We only ran into one problem.

We should take a picture. Me, happy. Don, mad.

We shouldn't tell my mom and Marcy

We sleep in the same room.

We think our project has a lot of potential.

We told our wives everything, too.

We want our friend to get his confidence back,

We want to talk about how you're treating Kelly.

We we can hear everything from there.

We we have to go get her.

We were about to lose our business.

We were saving our bullpen.

We were sneaky, like ninjas.

We won the first two games of the series,

We, uh, had a bunch of Popsicles on the way over.

We'd be like, oh, forget it, just leave it in,

We'll be healthier, happier and huggier.

We'll go case by case.

We'll have to kill him before he kills us.

We'll keep eating meat,

We'll laugh about that on the boat.[laughs]

We'll skip December.

We're at match point.

We're at our limit with the bank.

We're doing a week long dirt bike ride

We're doing the "brain on drugs" thing.

We're family.

We're gonna be in each other's lives forever.

We're gonna have to call the hotdog guy

We're in. These things are open bar, right?

We're just going around the block.

We're Kel Bell and Don Don.

We're not accepting new members.

We're not doing the swan boat, Lowell.

We're not fighting, we're having a disagreement.

We're partners.

We're putting most of the money aside

We're so proud of him.Uh uh.

We're talking about the pantry here.

We're worried because you are a good,

We're worried that you're happier than us

We've been talking about it for weeks.

We've been to every one. You want to go this weekend?

We've been working together for a week.

We've been...

We've had a lot of people stay in that guest room.

Welcome to the first meeting of the first annual

Welcome to the old school.

Welcome to the promised land, boy.

Well done, guys.Yeah.

Well,

Well, because he wanted to stop on the way

Well, boring's not gonna work anymore

Well, buddy, you just had your turn,

Well, can't we just tack it onto our construction loan?

Well, do you want to talk about

Well, don't beat yourself up.

Well, due to our zero tolerance policy on fighting,

Well, he can't sleep on his own

Well, he he's not saying dads are better than moms.

Well, he's sorry 'cause it's all his fault.

Well, he's terrible at this.

Well, his dealer was 85.

Well, hold on, hold on.

Well, hotels cost money.

Well, I Just, everybody, shush.

Well, I am gonna hire a photographer

Well, I believe in you.

Well, I better go.

Well, I don't have to worry about telling my wife

Well, I don't know what to do either.

Well, I don't like to kiss and tell,

Well, I don't think anything through

Well, I don't want our kids sneaking out.

Well, I don't want that.

Well, I don't want to get in the way of work.

Well, I don't want to talk about that.

Well, I guess everyone's sense of humor is a little different.

Well, I guess I can't be mad at you

Well, I guess the streak is over, honey.

Well, I guess you were right.

Well, I guess, if Emme's asleep,

Well, I hope it was worth it.

Well, I I'm serious.

Well, I just loved it, Emme.

Well, I know you're okay,

Well, I look great, and it's my bonus, so it's going up.

Well, I open and close the bed a lot.

Well, I reckon so.

Well, I think I deserve it.

Well, I think I was right.But you were wrong.

Well, I think if you want something

Well, I think Marcy drinks a normal amount.

Well, I think we can do something with that.

Well, I thought he was doing better.

Well, I went home, and you know what I realized?

Well, I would, because I am at the peak of my athletic ability,

Well, I wouldn't have gotten very far.

Well, I...What do you think about Don going on this trip?

Well, I'll be honest, it's not a slam dunk,

Well, I'll see the movie with you.

Well, I'm glad we're not hurting people's feelings.

Well, I'm in construction, so there's a lot of hammering,

Well, I'm not that upset.

Well, I'm off to buy a pillow.

Well, I'm very sorry... that you found out about that.

Well, I've got winner.

Well, if we do this thing right,

Well, if you feel fine, why don't you try out

Well, if you guys are gonna uninvite Mom and Marcy,

Well, if you want inspiration,

Well, if you want them, go get them yourself.

Well, if you're gonna force me to,

Well, if you're talking about the flip house,

Well, it can be. It's been two weeks!

Well, it got worse when we went upstairs.

Well, it makes me feel better

Well, it was nice there for a second.

Well, it's complicated. [clears throat]

Well, maybe he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it

Well, maybe he told her a joke.Yeah

Well, maybe let your dad and your brother

Well, maybe Mary Lou would've been happier

Well, maybe while he's here,

Well, my Andi Patties could be made of cake. You don't know.

Well, my guess is you're overthinking things.

Well, my teacher is a mom, so when I had to pick a hero,

Well, no, it doesn't teach 'em anything.

Well, no, it's not the no, it's just, you had a tone.

Well, not entirely.

Well, now I can parade you

Well, now I have to try.

Well, now the place looks huge.

Well, now you'll be ready for lucky lady number two.

Well, okay, here's the thing.

Well, one bank took our picture,

Well, people age differently, and you're doing your best.

Well, she spent a little time

Well, since it's public information...

Well, since you already won, let's celebrate

Well, since you didn't eat it, I guess...

Well, since you're one of the guys, I should tell you

Well, some of us are. She cheated on me.

Well, somebody sure has cheered up.

Well, still me, but only in the shower.

Well, thanks for including me in your insurance scam.

Well, that changes everything.

Well, that could be a problem.

Well, that was a great girls' trip.

Well, that was my big finish.

Well, that's a different story. Nobody likes that.

Well, that's just part of getting older.

Well, that's new information.

Well, that's nice to hear, Don.

Well, that's sweet, honey, but, you know, I work here now;

Well, the devil.

Well, the future is gonna be me telling you, "I told you so."

Well, the occasion is everybody agrees with me

Well, the simplicity is what made it perfect.

Well, then I don't know what to do.

Well, then I should double check.

Well, then you won't mind

Well, then, I guess we'll be going.

Well, then, our only choice is to call the whole thing off.

Well, then, there's an easy solution.

Well, then, what's really going on?

Well, then, you better get to her

Well, there are long periods of boredom,

Well, there's a lot to go through,

Well, there's hundreds of scary movies,

Well, there's meat, fish, cheese, milk, butter.

Well, there's your thank you.

Well, this is definitely a first.

Well, uh, this is a tricky one.

Well, uh, well, it told me to dream,

Well, until then, you're my hero,

Well, wait, it gets better.

Well, we did a lot of things. I don't know

Well, we didn't know what to do after we made fun of him.

Well, we heard from Don that you boys had something good

Well, we just think it's great you guys

Well, we love you guys. Have a great day at school.

Well, we squeaked through that one. Yeah.

Well, we'll put up a picture in your memory.

Well, we're starting a game here.

Well, well, well.

Well, wh what is it? A ghost.

Well, what are you thinking, Don?

Well, what happened? It's like we started off

Well, what if I have to tell a story?

Well, while you

Well, y you got to go with the pig.

Well, y...

Well, yeah, I can't let her hug a lie.

Well, yeah. Sure.

Well, you could cook one.

Well, you did it again! You just said, "Yeah, maybe."

Well, you don't have to do it.

Well, you have my sympathies.

Well, you know what you should do?

Well, you know, honey, the trip doesn't have to be like this.

Well, you know, like Andy Warhol.

Well, you look great. Country life suits you.

Well, you need to turn this thing around and fast.

Well, you were right.

Well, you weren't doing yourself any favors.

Well, you won't for long,

Well, you'd be wrong.

Well, you've always been sensitive.

Well...

Well...

Well...

Well...

Well...

Well... these back X rays look good for a man your age, Joe.

Well...I think it worked.

Well...I'll tell you why.

Went out in a blaze of glory.

Were cleaning her shoes, I hemmed Kate's band uniform

Were like one long hug for you.

Wh What are we gonna do now?I don't know about you,

Wh What is that?

Wh why do you take Don fishing and not me?

Wh why don't you help me get Kelly's bag out of the car?

Wh...

Wh...?

Wh...?

Wha how could that be?

Wha I would remind you, I have a back injury.

Wha...

Wha...

Wha... Okay, uh, all right, you go in the house.

Wha... Yeah, this sounds really nice.

Wha...?

Wha...?

What no, Andi, no. It's nobody's fault.

What s so now if I don't do it, I look like a jerk.

What a day, huh?

What a nice surprise.

What a waste of Old Spice.

What a week for you.

What about me doesn't seem fine?

What about me?

What about you?

What am I again?

What are they up to?

What are we gonna do?

What are you barbecuing at 10:00 in the morning?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't walk.

What are you doing, Don? Follow through!

What are you doing, man?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Did you sneak out?

What are you doing?What are youdoing?

What are you gonna say?Don't worry. I got this.

What are you laughing at?

What are you laughing at?

What are you talking about?Kelly.

What are you, my Little League coach?

What brings you by, fair traveler?

What can you do? Shh.

What do we do if Andi's here and we get done with work early?

What do you got there?They're cookies, and a woman

What do you say?

What do you say?

What do you say?

What do you think?

What do you want me to do, huh?

What does that even mean?

What door?

What else could have happened two weeks ago

What Emme needed, so she asked Bev.

What happened to Kel Bell? You a bell or a bean?

What happened to my chair?

What happened to the girl with the nice cookies?

What happened?

What happened? I thought he was better.

What I meant to say was people age differently,

What I'm hearing is that Kate has a new interest,

What I'm thinking is, if we make life unpleasant for Kelly,

What if I get a note from a doctor

What if she's the best one?

What if someone's picking on Emme,

What if that adult is Dad, and he tells me to shove them?

What if we met

What if we send someone else down there to go check on her?

What is a ribs lottery?

What is gonna happen to me on the Devil's Tailpipe?

What is it?

What is that? Some new drug? Huh?

What is up?

What is wrong with this... bag?

What just happened?

What kind of business?

What kind of crazy person does that?

What kind of person Kelly really is.

What my boy is trying to say is he hurt his back

What other guy?

What plan?

What shots?

What sport did you play?

What stuff? You mean that jug of nickels?

What the hell did you do?

What the names of all of them are.

What they don't know is we're all rotten.

What they're talking about.

What was it, then?

What was she doing on the porch?

What we don't have is money.

What were we doing before she came in?

What with you being the devil and all.

What you were doing before.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I

What? I can fix this, okay? I I'll figure out a way

What? I mean it, Katie.

What? I've been good this whole time. I don't get one?

What? It's worse than that.

What? No, we didn't.

What? No. I love the stuff around here.

What? No. It wasn't the butt.

What? She changed the locks on you after what shedid? Oh.

What? Teddy, did you see this?

What? That'll never work.

What? The concert's at a college?

What? Wait. Why?

What? What? You don't get it.

What? Yeah.

What? You didn't convince me of anything.

What? You just want to do a victory lap.

What? You tricked me!

What?!

What?!

What?! Where?!

What?!Sweet little Teddy took it to the streets?

What?Andi, that's her decision.

What?I got a huge crush on the new guy.

What?I'm the new captain?

What?If you do the stretches that the doctor gave you

What?Tracking devices.

What's a flip house?

What's a sample?What's a finish?

What's all this?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's mine is yours.

What's she doing here?

What's she laughing at?

What's that?

What's that?

What's the occasion?

What's the occasion?

What's up with those two?

What's up?

What's with the spread? [chuckles]

What's wrong?

What's, uh, what what's this?

Whatever it is, I'm in.

When a cow installs an icemaker, I will stop eating it.

When Adam left for the restaurant, I had a feeling

When Andi and I were first married, I said no a lot.

When did you make this plan?

When he showers"?!

When he was getting that medical marijuana.

When I ask, "Are you happy now?", it means I'm not happy.

When I became lightheaded on the StairMaster.

When I pull up to the drive through, the teller

When I push mute, it stops talking.

When I say things like this:

When I sit across from you at Thanksgiving,

When I typed it out, the two fives look like S's.

When I was a kid, I wrote an essay at school about my hero,

When I was presented with the award, I passed out.

When I was supposed to take the kids to the dentist,

When I was trying to fix your...[mutters]

When I'm surrounded by all my grandchildren

When is Andi's birthday?

When is she leaving?

When Kelly goes back to her old ways,

When my soul was shattered and all hope was lost.

When other people don't have good moms.

When she asked if she could sleep with other men.

When she breaks his heart. He's my friend.

When she fell off the balance beam?

When she says, "I was wrong. You were right. I'm sorry."

When she took you...Don't you finish that sentence, Joe.

When she's mean to you.

When Teddy comes down, you act scared,

When the NASA guys were boozing it up in mission control

When their marriage is breaking up.

When they're not, and dads don't do that.

When will I ever get a minute for myself?

When you can just do your work here

When you have to give up on some of your dreams.

When you let Teddy watch a scary movie.

When you move into your own place,

When you're giving Dad a sponge bath.

When you're in a suit like this with no motorcycle under you,

When you're not there, Don cheats.

When you're too tired

Whenever someone new comes over the house,

Where are we? You don't know.

Where are your keys right now?

Where college boys are?

Where do you think you're going?

Where do you want me to go, Bev? I don't know.

Where have I heard that?

Where have you been?

Where is he?

Where they dance around twirling the ribbons.

Where we keep our food.

Where you can slip in a couple of batteries.

Where you could pay someone

Where you guys going?Fishing.

Where'd it go?

Where'd they go?

Where'd what go?There's a spider loose in here.

Where'd you even get that thing?

Where's our phone?

Where's the bed?

Which brings me to you, Marcy.

Which I did. You know what, I'll just,

Which I knew he would.

Which I'm not time passes,

Which is exactly what I told you would happen

Which is why

Which is why I am not gonna play her game, all right?

Which is why I feel comfortable

Which is why I need you to cover for me.

Which is why I will be riding the Devil's Tailpipe.

Which makes sense

Which you know she's gonna do. She doesn't care about family.

Which you might be interested in connecting to.

Which, I am told, is yogurt for fancy people.

Which, if you have to do another hero essay,

While she temporarily sleeps

While while I'm an outcast

While you fall asleep.

While you jokers were getting caught,

Who don't know they're boneheads

Who injured himself blowing out candles.

Who knows what she told me last week

Who said "fun"? You said "fun"?

Who stood up for what he believed in?

Who the flip took my flipping pencil sharpener?!

Who're you talking to, huh?

Who's crying now?

Who's gonna be doing the march of the penguins now?

Who's that?

Who's we? Me and...

Whoa whoa whoa, what's the rake for?

Whoa, almost drank a spider.

Whoa, don't do that. I'll take them.

Whoa, it's on my hand!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wha What about the loan?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Whoa! Got it. [laughs]

Whoa.

Whoa. Yeah.

Whoever you sleep with,

Whoo!

Whoo. Whoo!

Why a tricycle? I don't get it.

Why am I still whispering?

Why are you causing trouble?

Why are you doing this?

Why are you dressed like a Power Ranger?

Why are you dressed like Bob the Builder?

Why are you running to him?

Why are you so cheerful?

Why are you with her?

Why aren't we rich?

Why aren't you in bed?

Why did I hide the remote?

Why did you When did you come here?

Why did you... when did you come here?

Why didn't you just tell me?

Why didn't you just tell us you were going out?

Why didn't you tell us you and Jen split up?

Why do I want to hang out with the guys?

Why do we have so many doors?

Why do you feel the need to look at those girls?

Why do you have Teddy and Emme?

Why do you let her get away

Why do you think I'm lying?

Why do you want her back?

Why does that bother you so much?

Why doI want her back?

Why don't bags open anymore?

Why don't I want to be home?

Why don't you just take comfort in that fact that,

Why don't you just take her phone?

Why don't you read this grade A work

Why he rented an apartment?

Why invite the new guy

Why is everybody always taking my stuff?

Why is everyone so serious?

Why is he still wearing his gear?

Why the long faces?

Why this? Why that? Why? Why? Why?

Why won't it open?

Why won't you tell us what's in them?

Why would Adam tell you anything about her?

Why would he rent an apartment?

Why would we do that?

Why would you go to all that trouble

Why would you try to break us up?

Why wouldn't Andi want me to know that?

Why wouldn't he use the bathroom here?

Why, so people wouldn't see it?No.

Why, what else is back there?

Why?

Why? So you can take that trip down Lucifer's Heinie?

Why'd you call me?

Wife management.

Wife proof?

Will be like his first time alone in a car with me.

Will you go get a dust rag out of the garage?

Will you just talk to Andi, please?

Will you please?Okay, I'll cover for you.

Will you take a mini Snickers?

With a different punishment.

With a piano in the lobby for sing alongs. [chuckles]

With acting superior all the time, huh?

With her friend on the phone.

With her horse riding instructor.

With her horse riding instructor.

With jerky.

With Lowell and his lady there,

With my dad.

With some tough, old school parenting.

With Teddy.

With Teddy's school.

With the money. Reward yourselves.

With this gorgeous Peruvian tile.

With Uncle Don and Aunt Marcy.

With your bicycle."

With your head in the drawer.

With yourbare hands, you can let vegans in it.

Without laughing in my entire life.

Wives don't understand the concept of work beers.

Wives want to dive into stuff.

WOMAN: I know you're in there.

WOMAN: Shady Side Security.

Working together's already so fun.

Worse!

Worst case scenario, my life insurance is paid

Would it be okay if I invited Shelby and Winslow over?

Would sometimes bring beers over

Would you like to take care of that dead squirrel on the roof?

Would you please come on? I've got ideas. Okay.

Wow, we finished early for the first time ever.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. 50, huh?

Wow. Thanks, Dad.

Wow. This means a lot.

Wrong, evil, wrong. Right!

Wrong, wrong, wrong,

Yeah well, just the bad parts of the city.

Yeah, 'cause I just had an interesting conversation

Yeah, a meansurprise.: Yeah.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, all the fun of cashews, but in a paste.

Yeah, and and their college boy beds.

Yeah, and she calls me Don Don.

Yeah, and we had a vegan breakfast.

Yeah, and you didn't even go to Japan.

Yeah, Andi wasn't here. Where is Andi?

Yeah, before bingo.

Yeah, but I got to say, you told a lot of lies.

Yeah, but I got you acting so crazy

Yeah, but I hate bears.

Yeah, but I know she bothers you.

Yeah, but I wanted to do it.

Yeah, but I wasn't listening.

Yeah, but if she has

Yeah, but she already looks down on us.

Yeah, but that's a school night. Mm mm mm.

Yeah, but you did it.

Yeah, but you're not 70.

Yeah, Carrie's got problems.

Yeah, close one.

Yeah, everything's funny to the person on the fridge.

Yeah, exactly. In the picture, you should look just like that.

Yeah, farming the land to feed our 12 children.

Yeah, good luck to you. See you later.

Yeah, have fun.

Yeah, he pushed her right off.

Yeah, I can get deep.

Yeah, I don't like that phrase.Yeah. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, I I know. That calendar's a little much.

Yeah, I just need to find something we have in common.

Yeah, I made a chicken for Teddy and Emme today,

Yeah, I mean, if Lowell's going, maybe it won't be so boring.

Yeah, I mean, the only thing you're gonna get from him

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

Yeah, isn't it nice that we could...

Yeah, it doesn't bother me.Oh...

Yeah, it tastes like an Andi Patty's butt.

Yeah, it's A55 4U.

Yeah, leave these two kids alone.

Yeah, like this.

Yeah, Lowell explained to us

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, okay, all right, here's my offer.

Yeah, okay. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Yeah, only a mom would say that.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, she did that in college to actual basketball players.

Yeah, so go to your room. And do whatever you want.

Yeah, stay out of the man's business.

Yeah, that helps.

Yeah, that, too.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, that's right, full blown vegan.

Yeah, that's right. You may have fooled me,

Yeah, that's what I think: huh.

Yeah, that's where all our favorite stuff is.

Yeah, the good hug days are over.

Yeah, the whole car ride home was one long UNICEF commercial.

Yeah, they'll even dress up like a nurse if you want.

Yeah, this could really catch on.

Yeah, we can't set her free now.

Yeah, we raised her right.Yeah.

Yeah, we're definitely gonna want that for the online store.

Yeah, we're good.

Yeah, well, I don't agree with her,

Yeah, well, I picked small ones.

Yeah, well, I'm sticking to my guns, too.

Yeah, well, my streak is over.

Yeah, well, now I'm more worried about your mind

Yeah, well, that part doesn't sound great.No.

Yeah, well, wait, wait, wait, there's more.

Yeah, why can't you let people be happy?

Yeah, worked everything out.

Yeah, yeah, she, uh,

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you're not old.

Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking, let's blow people's minds

Yeah, you are literally a dream crusher.

Yeah, you guys go to the cabin.

Yeah, you know, when she was little,

Yeah, you realized that going to a concert

Yeah, you think we're tough?

Yeah!

Yeah? If you don't get dad a nurse,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. "Tie goes to the boss"?

Yeah. And and a bed and breakfast along the way.

Yeah. And me. Since Kelly moved in with him,

Yeah. As I see it, I did a better job at being a dad

Yeah. At least when we go on a fun trip,

Yeah. Came around from behind on that one.

Yeah. Hey, so,

Yeah. I bet he told you to do this.

Yeah. I can always find one on the rowing machine

Yeah. I mean, Marcy and Bev were so excited,

Yeah. I still hate it.

Yeah. I tell him what he's doing wrong,

Yeah. I'm married to Joe.

Yeah. It looks good.

Yeah. It's like a softer version of no.

Yeah. It's starting to come together now,

Yeah. Marcy's going to the Bahamas and I'm going to Mexico.

Yeah. Okay, now, where's Teddy? I have to tell him, too.

Yeah. See? It's all about your perspective.

Yeah. Settle in.

Yeah. So I went down there.

Yeah. These nuggets are made of tofu,

Yeah. We wanted to keep you guessing

Yeah. We'll do whatever we want,

Yeah. We're not new school, or old school,

Yeah. What do you want to do?

Yeah. When she blinks, you can see the back of her neck move.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And now,

Yeah. You can't pick your family.

Yeah. You said it was gonna blow up in my face,

Yeah. You...

Yeah. Your next chair should say

Yeah.[both laugh]

Yeah.DON: After we sell it,

Yeah.The hell with this. I'm calling her.

Yeah.When we were Andi's bridesmaids,

Yes, darling?

Yes, I did.

Yes, I lied about why I was at Lowell's.

Yes, it is, so good luck running your own life.

Yes, it's in my daughter's princess binder,

Yes, Ma, I'm going to a sex club on my birthday.

Yes, they do. Yes, they do.

Yes, we do.

Yes, we're arguing,

Yes, you can, because I re figured this out.

Yes, you do.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Right?

Yes! Thank you, Andi.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. All this happened on your watch,

Yes. That is the most important point here.

Yesterday, you put a frozen Eggo in my pocket

Yo. Ready to ride?

You already talked more about this

You always say we have to eat whatever Mom makes,

You and Andi are creating a hostile work environment.

You and Jen split up or something.

You and me together, brother.

You and me working together.

You and the team are gonna go over to your house,

You are a genius.

You are a good person.

You are Adam Burns. Okay?

You are in big trouble, mister.

You are preying on an innocent woman in need,

You are stuck with them.

You are very wise.

You are? Yeah.

You believe that because you've always wanted a sweet sister.

You better have just said "armless."

You better not ask me if that's right.

You can call me "sis."

You can deliver the hat to my house later.

You can do this.

You can have a phone. I'm reasonable.

You can have treats after you explain yourself, young man.

You can only play in my apartment.Mm hmm.

You can put your stuff over here.

You can trust me. I'm a captain.

You can watch it from the bed department.

You can't come to the cabin."

You can't fight if you can't breathe.

You can't go around pushing people.

You can't just make up words.

You can't just say normal things and then add "like a ninja."

You can't leave. I demand a rematch.

You can't police the world.

You can't say "wife" without "why."

You cannot ride the "Make Me Raise Our Kids Alone" Trail.

You could do whatever you want.

You could pick a less intense trail,

You could've driven my mother to the hospital to have me.

You did split up.

You did. What?

You didn't build this house.

You didn't even make it through one class.

You didn't give her back her phone?

You didn't remind me to give her back her phone!

You didn't tell me to remind you to give her back her phone!

You didn't.

You do any strenuous activities lately?

You do know that going vegan means no more McNuggets, right?

You do the time.

You do what you have to do to protect your family.

You do what you need to do. I want no part of it.Okay.

You do?

You don't even have a TV.

You don't even look alike.

You don't get on ESPN without a name.

You don't get rid of rats by throwing cheese on the floor.

You don't have to really be interested, you just fake it.

You don't hear so good.

You don't see it because this is a whole new level

You don't seem that threatening.

You don't think this could be a setup, do you?

You don't want to say things and not do 'em.

You don't?

You don't? No.

You get to pick where you want to drive the bus.

You get what you want...

You go to your room.

You go, girl.

You go. I'm gonna stay here and make fun of him.

You gonna tell Kate?

You got me there, Pop. Those places smell weird.

You got pregnant for the third time.

You got the right two guys on this mission.

You got to grow up sometime.

You got your own place here.

You got, you got to straighten my back out.

You gotta knock on the door if you want it to open.

You guys are adorable.

You guys are so sweet.

You guys aren't really buying this new Kelly, are you?

You guys had dinner?

You guys have a weird marriage.

You guys have had that for centuries, it's our turn.

You guys played bingo?

You guys put a lot of stock in a hat I got for free one night

You guys, look.

You had a perm?

You had to call me? You guys couldn't think

You have a girlfriend?

You have no TV. You'll die!

You have to be taller than that mark

You have to decide right now,

You have to take down your tool girl calendar.

You have your athlete, I have mine.

You heard him. Quit talking about it and go do it.

You heard us?

You heroes make me sick.

You hid my essay?

You hug like a ninja.

You in the house, just you.

You invite someone over, they invite more people.

You just don't like hearing the word no.

You just got to hope you run out of bears

You just let her walk away. You didn't even say anything.

You just lost your closet door, missy.

You just lost your phone, missy.

You just said y your stuff was our stuff.

You just said you do.

You just stay right next to Daddy, okay?

You just turned down daytime sex.

You just want to parade me around that gym

You keep it. Keep it! You keep it.

You knew what they were, and you knew what their problem was.

You know he doesn't have any money, right?

You know how it is with Dad.

You know how many goats

You know how sometimes you just

You know I didn't write about Dad.

You know Mama's cranky.

You know that's the Olympic event

You know we got no work done today, right?

You know what feels better than a hug?

You know what it's like?

You know what she did every time we left her alone?

You know what to do. Sex him up.

You know what you're doing right now?

You know what, Adam? I don't believe you.

You know what, I I'll handle it.

You know what, I should go check on Kelly,

You know what, it's okay.

You know what, Marcy?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? He'll be fine.

You know what? If you won't listen to me,

You know what? It does not make me feel any better.

You know what? Never mind. I'll Google it.

You know what? You really do.

You know what? You two are a bad influence, so these ribs

You know who was special? Mary Lou Retton.

You know why you like biscuits so much?

You know, 'cause it's a piechart.

You know, for your first choice,

You know, he's got a TV now.

You know, I was getting burned out on nursing,

You know, if one of us ever breaks the law,

You know, in a few years,

You know, just give her a chance

You know, kids they lock you in early with their cuteness,

You know, my lifelong dream was to be a jazz pianist.

You know, one time she found a three legged kitten

You know, sometimes I see old pictures of us,

You know, sushi isn't the most popular food in Japan.

You know, Target's open for another hour.

You know, that thing I always end up saying to you.

You know, uh, maybe instead of the Devil's Tailpipe,

You know, we almost didn't find Frank's Barbecue.

You know, we do spend a lot of time

You know, we listen to all your boring stories.

You know, when I started dating Lowell,

You know, when we were first married,

You know, when we were kids, bands had names that made sense.

You know, you look at cows, and they're kind of ugly,

You know, you never mentioned any of this.

You know, you're so understanding about this,

You let Teddy drive?

You like it, kids.

You looked great at baseball today.

You love animals and now your face

You made your bed and now

You may not be tall enough for the swan boat.

You mean our wedding.

You mean ramen?

You mean, like, a real business dinner?

You might even call me a homework hero. [chuckles]

You might want to share feelings about.

You need a little help with your homework?

You need a nurse, but nobody can argue with you,

You need somebody more pliable,

You need to be there for him. You should go back tomorrow.

You need to wise up, lady.

You never even consider us.

You never talked about your feelings.

You okay, sweetie?

You outlasted me.

You put me back the way I was. I can't take this.

You put me in this position!

You put my baby on the back of your motorcycle?

You put your hand up a cow's butt?

You ready for this?Oh, I am more than ready.

You remember Marcy, don't you? From our wedding?

You said no, but since we're going rogue,

You said there wouldn't be feelings.

You said this would be funny. It wasn't funny at all!

You said you were coming up here to pack.

You said you weren't going to the track anymore.

You saw me and then you ate it.

You saw one,

You say "tomato," I say you're not getting any.

You say it to us all the time.

You screwed this up, you fix it, mister.

You see,

You see, the high road may be the road to happiness,

You see, what I did was, I convinced Andi

You see?

You see?

You seem hard working.

You seem troubled.

You should do that.

You should go with the nice tile,

You should know that, last week,

You should know, if I'm your nurse,

You sold me out to Kate.

You stay out of it. I have my own plan.

You still hose down the driveway in your bathrobe.

You stood in front of

You stop.

You stumped her, pal.

You take it as a go sign.

You tell 'em, Big Daddy.

You tell us. Our husbands

You think I'm funny?

You think if I watch that movie with Katie, she'll hug me?

You think the trash is gonna scare me?

You threw my ribs in the garbage. I didn't get any.

You told me people were just bringing best wishes.

You told me to pick my favorite one.

You told me you were excited.

You told Teddy to push Julian?

You took Adam

You took me in at my darkest hour,

You two go to the woods and have your secret meetings, okay?

You two separated and to keep an eye out for you, so, let's go.

You used my Golden Accomplishment.

You used your friend's unhappiness

You want to drive Grey Thunder someday,

You want to go home?

You want to go?

You went behind my back

You went rogue, too,

You went rogue.

You were better than me, and then I was like,

You were in the glass elevator naked,

You won't be awake for minibar snacks.

You won't mind that's it's also on your back.

You wouldn't put Batman in detention, would you?

You you always come around.

You you can hang out tomorrow, okay?

You you stopped before the rhyme.

You, uh...

You'd agree with me.

You'd get it.

You'd have to raise them on your own.

You'll always be the captain.

You'll feel left out,

You'll get a gold star.

You'll have to walk to the TV like a sucker.

You'll pack Tums.I'll pack Tums.

You'll wear him down eventually.

You'll what?

You're a beer tree.

You're a butthead.

You're a good boy, Donny.

You're a good boy, Teddy!

You're a great designer

You're absolutely right.

You're all the wrong ones.

You're amazing,

You're at the bottom of a hole

You're coming with me.

You're damn right I did.

You're darn right I did.

You're fine, the breastfeeding years

You're going. Fantastic.

You're gonna be together all day, every day.

You're gonna get an assignment at school.

You're gonna have fun without me?

You're gonna imprint on like a baby duck.

You're grounded.

You're having an intervention for me?

You're having an intervention.

You're jealous.

You're just aged, like a good cheese.

You're just gonna have to let that coupon expire.

You're kidding me. No, you're not.

You're like a funny thing for him to look at.

You're like the

You're making it sound like the mob.

You're making this way too complicated.

You're missing the point.

You're myhero.

You're not getting past me.

You're not gonna believe this. I won the lottery.

You're not gonna get mad just because I said no to some tile?

You're not gonna say anything to them, are you?

You're not pro bully, are you?

You're not saying that, are you?

You're not serious about Kelly, are you?

You're not?

You're only as old as you feel, and I feel like a kid.

You're opening up a can of worms.

You're playing checkers while Donny is playing chess.

You're propping up the wrong leg, Joe.

You're really good at making people

You're right. I'm sorry.

You're so sweet.Hmm? Yeah.

You're so tense, maybe you need an apple juice or something.

You're supposed to be home resting from your knee surgery.

You're supposed to feel worse, and then it gets better.

You're the best.

You're the first one.

You're the one moonwalking in the end zone.

You're the one who's gonna visit me in the home, and not Donny.

You're too upset because Kelly's so foxy.

You're using sex to get your way?

You're wasting your time. He doesn't listen.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're you're not that age, either.

You'rea butthead.

You've bent over for the last time.

You've earned it.

You've ever said to me.

You've had to give some things up.

You've made a lot of changes. Let's start with the beard.

You've never backed down before,

You've never done that once in your life.

Your birthday present from the kids?

Your dad and Funchy are having wine.

Your dad is Ronald McDonald?

Your dad's gonna need help,

Your daughter in law organized a teenage orgy in our pantry.

Your father is impossible.

Your first girlfriend?

Your hero, huh?

Your jackassery.

Your mom ate a Slim Jim.

Your mood is creating a weird work vibe.

Your mother and I have decided to go

Your mother tells me you're in a slump, son.

Your mother's a damn low pressure system.

Your mother's betrayal must be very hard for you.

Your other right.

Your other right.

Your problem is you are not sensitive, like me.

Your résumé looks good.

Your Uncle Don told me you pushed a kid down.

Your vegan kick has started a house wide rebellion.

14 times?

20 bucks says they won't make it a week.

50 isn't middle aged, it's two thirds aged.

: Dodged that bullet.

: I did not know how the sausage was made.

: Shh. We don't want to wake her up.

: Yeah, that was a good one.

...ack bay.

...congratulate your brother.

...put him on the ground.

...something small, like, you know,

...that gorgeous Peruvian tile.

...the answer is...

...we could watch some Sex and the City.

...we need...

'cause all I heard was, "You hero."

'cause for a couple hours today I was thinking

'cause she was hungry from sneaking out.

'cause that's something moms are good at.

'Cause that's what your brain is made of.

'cause they had bedbugs.

'cause this might be where you're living now.

'cause we got three kids already.

'Cause you're a good boy, Donny.

"'My Hero,' by Adam Burns."

"'My Hero,' by Teddy Burns." [chuckles]

"A55 4U" is really... "Ass For You."

"Adam Burns being in charge of the 15th annual guys' trip."

"And I love you."

"Apocalypse Cow"?

"Are you swallowing feelings?"

"Cabin." We have heated floors in our bathroom.

"Can I have ten dollars?"

"Don't leave me in the driveway."

"I can't see it. I can't see it.

"I pity the ghoul."

"I think I pulled something."

"I'd rather do nothing alone than something with you."

"I'm okay" is a nice way of saying,

"I'm okay"? What the heck is "I'm okay"?

"Is Marcy not enough for you?"

"Just dream... of beer."

"Just dream"?

"Local 4 H boy saves cow, delivers emergency calf."

"Los conquistadores eran guerreros viciosos."

"Mom, I zapped a space trooper."

"My hero is a man of integrity

"Number one, awesome mustache."

"Oh, do you collect tricycles?

"one strike and you're out" policy over there.

"Roses are red, violets are blue.

"Shoot back up to the top"?

"Strength. Integrity. Coins behind my ear.

"tell your husband to close the blinds

"That's great honey." Hug.

"This one goes out to all the ladies,"

"This one goes out to all the ladies."

"Top ten ways I'm exactly like Burt Reynolds."

"Uh, did your grandfather invent the tricycle?

"Well, that can't be right." And look, it's not.

"What's what's, what's with the weird tricycle?"

"who always takes the time to make me feel special.

"Who is my hero? This question is easy.

"Why do you feel the need to look at other women?"

"Why do you need a second breakfast?"

"Wife management." [scoffs]

"Wow, we finished work early for the first time ever.

"Yeah, maybe." Huh.

"Yeah, maybe"?

[both chuckle]

[both continue laughing]

[both laugh, sigh]

[both laugh]

[both laugh]Aw.

[chuckles weakly]

[chuckles, groans]

[chuckles, grunts]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles] Great, I'm gonna use it to impress Teddy.

[chuckles] I don't think I'll be doing much of that anymore.

[chuckles] I'm not 20 anymore.

[chuckles] That's some fancy lingerie, little brother.

[chuckles] That's the only reason we do anything.

[chuckles] We do this every day.

[chuckles] What are you doing?

[chuckles] Yeah, well...

[chuckles] Yeah.

[chuckles]: All right, all right.

[chuckles]: and I already have one of those.

[chuckles]: I know what it is.

[chuckles]: Oh, it happened.

[chuckles]: Oh.

[chuckles]: Okay? We go to Benihana.

[chuckles]: There's no piano.

[chuckles]: Yeah.

[chuckles]: Yeah. When she got down,

[chuckles]: Yeah. Yeah.

[chuckles]: you don't even need the bracelet.

[chuckling]

[chuckling]

[chuckling]

[clears throat] So, um, hey, how did you sleep?

[clears throat] Uh, hey, kids, why don't you go up and play?

[crying]: I do have an empty life.

[door closes]

[door closes]

[door opens]

[exhales]

[footsteps]Ooh. Potato. Potato.

[gasping and oohing]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[gasps] Why, it's the stretching exercises the doctor gave you.

[gasps] You're back!

[gasps]How do you feel now?

[groaning] Okay, don't tell anyone,

[groans]

[groans]

[knock on door]

[laughing]: Yeah.

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] Are you kidding me?!

[laughs] Oh, you do, do you?

[laughs] That was us.

[laughs] Ugh...

[laughs]: Yeah. I need it for Lowell.

[laughter]Cheers.

[quietly]: Hi. Shh.

[scoffs]

[scoffs] I don't think so.

[screams]

[screams]

[screams]

[screams][grunts]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs] Dad says I'm sorry.

[sighs] Right.

[sighs]: Oh, that's nice.

[sighs]Too late. If we cancel now,

[sobbing]: I'm gonna go pack.

[sobs]

[speaks gibberish]

[stammering]

[stammers] Tums.

[whispers]: I won.

[whispers]: No. My little sister's here.

[whoops]

[women gasping]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪ And dream of what I need

♪ And where are all the gods?

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo...♪

♪ For making love

♪ Got to be larger than life

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you.

♪ Happy birthday, dear Adam

♪ He's got to be sure, and it's got to be soon ♪

♪ I need a hero

♪ I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light ♪

♪ Larger than life

♪ Late at night, I toss and I turn ♪

♪ The night is right

♪ To fight the rising odds?

♪ To you.

♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪

♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules ♪

$7.99?