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Home > Ted 2 (2015)
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Ted 2 (2015)

Ted 2 (2015)

Ted 2 is a comedy film released in 2015. Directed by Seth MacFarlane, the movie follows the adventures of the foul-mouthed, yet lovable, teddy bear, Ted. In this sequel, Ted, voiced by MacFarlane himself, must prove his humanity in a court of law to gain legal rights to marry his girlfriend, Tami-Lynn, played by Jessica Barth. Mark Wahlberg reprises his role as John Bennett, Ted's best friend, who helps him navigate the legal system. Other notable cast members include Amanda Seyfried as Sam Jackson, a youthful lawyer aiding in their case, and Morgan Freeman as legendary civil rights attorney, Patrick Meighan. With its hilarious and heartwarming storyline, Ted 2 is a must-watch comedy. If you're interested, you can play and download the sounds from the movie here.

A baby?
A baby? Like really?
A broken marriage and make it work again?
A German shepherd and a baby, together.
A ha! What it is, man! Dynomite.
A ha. They got him.
A hundred and fifty years ago
A little bit. I learned when I was a kid.
A little boy named John Bennett made a wish
A lube or something? A magazine?
A non entity with no rights under the law.
A slave by the name of Dred Scott
A synthetic cotton poly blend.
A talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend,
A whole hallway with our conversation.
About every chick that throws herself at you.
Across the world, fucking Thomas Jefferson.
After all, you know, Ted spent many years
Ah, Ms. Jackson. Do come in.
Ah, rock on, Ted.
Ah, she won't notice.
Ah, you hear that, Johnny?
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Shit, Shit, Shit!
Ah! Oh, Shit!
Ah.
Ah.
All I know is I feel stuff.
All I know is I feel stuff.
All right, come in.
All right, fine, I will. Just stop looking at that shit, please!
All right, great.
All right, I got Dred Scott v. Sandford, Plessy v. Ferguson
All right, I'll help you. But we got to have a game plan.
All right, let's do this.
All right, let's go.
All right, let's start with a person.
All right, Starbucks. Okay, now, who's in the Starbucks?
All right, there, you happy?
All right, two can play this Where's Waldo shit, you son of a bitch!
All right, we've heard from these guys.
All right, yeah, thanks.
All right, you ready? Yep.
All right? I was just hurting because I knew I'd lost.
All right. I think I can handle the defense.
All right. I'll shoot him an e mail right now,
All right. We'll be back tomorrow afternoon.
ALLISON: Sorry, buddy. No can do.
An ability to understand complex emotions
And (GASPS) he had a dick! He had an awesome dick!
And a capacity for empathy.
And a gun, to protect us all!
And a shamrock tattoo on his calf? Nope.
And America doesn't give a shit about anything.
And as history has shown us, that wasn'tjustice
And as soon as I'm done fucking myself,
And Brown v. the Board of Education.
And for what it's worth, as far as I'm concerned,
And forget about the most important aspect of this case.
And found me love I thought was here to stay
And from what I know about you,
And give Sam and Diane here some alone time, eh?
And honest to God,
And I believe that a just court must, by definition,
And I bet you can't even spot him.
And I don't think I ought to be treated any different.
And I have.
And I know who my friends are.
And I own four houses on Baltic Ave.
And I say that's a violation of the Constitution.
And I swear to God, if we lose,
And I tried, you know?
And I would get a more experienced lawyer in return.
And I... I can't believe it's official.
And I'll be back with $200.
And I'll stick a bottle of Newman's Own in you.
And I'm afraid this isn't gonna work out.
And I'm gonna see if I can find a soda can or something
And I've hired her on as a junior associate here at the firm.
And if I may inquire,
And if that is not big enough news,
And in the naive minds of sheltered innocents.
And is that enforced by law?
And it seems to me that once the law devalues one kind of life,
And it was one of the best highs I ever had.
And it's all up to him now.
And it's happening again today.
And live from New York, it's Saturday Night! (APPLAUSE)
And lock up minorities for no good legal reason.
And make me come down there, tough guy?
And making them watch Tyler Perry.
And my fucking nose came off.
And my sperm count's a little low.
And no matter how many
And not because some of you might laugh
And pass things over to DJ Nightshade.
And plus, after seeing your laptop,
And plus, your baby will be a fucking superhero!
And remember, you're the one
And saving it up for you know who
And see if I can stop by tonight.
And she's probably still fucking billing us!
And sneak out with the sperm. it'll be easy!
And somebody handed ner a bunch of balloons
And soon afterward, they adopted a fine, young baby boy.
And that, in the eyes of the world, I'll always be property.
And that's all that's important.
And that's at rest.
And The Importance of Being Earnest, which was very disappointing.
And the Thirteenth Amendment did so many years ago.
And then we're gonna make millions of Teds.
And then you would get a hungry, young attorney
And there is our first impression.
And think how awesome the baby will be.
And this is exactly what you've been doing to the fags!
And this man, sitting next to me,
And unfortunately, the public doesn'tjudge by reason.
And vetted your personal histories,
And we ain't fought in, like, a week.
And what is that stuffing made of?
And when I have him, I'll call you with the code phrase.
And when the next conflict comes along,
And while I'm sympathetic to your cause,
And why would we do this?
And will be recognized in the terms set
And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon,
And you can't appeal an emotional conviction.
And you gave up your own life to save mine.
And you get the best lawyer in the world on the defense.
And you guys can do all kinds of drugs together.
And you, my friend, are an oppressed minority.
And you're not a cheater. I mean, I think your balls are perfect.
And you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer,
And your air conditioner's making aloud noise
And, honestly, it's the more serious one.
And, look, regardless of all this shit,
And, therefore, invalid and hereby annulled.
And, uh, I won't be followed?
And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?
And, um, I'm wondering, what do you think
And... (WHOOSHES) Gone!
Anyone who can inspire that kind of love in another person
Apollo Creed Clubber Lang.
Are any of you gonna sit there and tell me
Are those Tootsie Rolls just, like, to take?
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
Are you guys just saying Monopoly stuff?
Are you hard?
Are you okay? Johnny, you all right?
Are you still shaking off that hangover from the bachelor party?
Are you submitting?
Are you sure you can get him?
Are you Ted?
Argues that the standards for personhood include self awareness,
Arizona State. Hey, now many times you been fucked on a houseboat?
As an actor, you rely on subtle
As far as I'm concerned,
As for complex emotions and the capacity for empathy,
As much as anybody I've ever known.
As one might purchase a baseball glove or a Big Wheel.
Ask me when will the day be
Assisting in the betterment of your race.
At his office in New York.
At least you figured it out early.
At my friend's apartment, if you wanna join.
At one point in your career that would've been enough.
At the fact that I'm representing a teddy bear.
At this very low point in my life,
Attention, everyone. IVlay I have your attention, please.
Au right.
Aw, buddy, I love you for that.
Aw, come on, pal. Come on.
Aware of his own consciousness.
Aware of his own consciousness.
Baby, we're gonna be fine.
Baggins, Plissken, Ventura, Montoya, Burgundy,
Bah, bah, bah!
Bam!
Bang.
Be careful.
Beautiful ceremony.
Because I can't do this no more. it's too much.
Because I've been informed that you're technically...
Because Teddy ain't got no dick.
Because that's where I went to school.
Because the stakes are so significant.
Because they got that little baby keeping them together.
Because we're not really working with much money.
Because you are a good man, David Hasselhoff
Because you are spiraling out of control here.
Because you said that you could help us.
Because you've been staring at it, and you want it.
Before you got naked with that hamburger?
Being back in that church again.
Besides,
Besides, we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off...
Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse.
BJs here! Get your BJs! Get your red hot BJs!
BOTH: Ah!
BOTH: Whoa!
Bottom line is, insemination is not possible.
Bullshit! You better ask my ancestors.
But after awhile,
But do you mind if I ask how old you are?
But I came back five minutes later,
But I got to tell you, there's some awesome shit in that barn.
But I need you to go to the waiting area now, please.
But I think what we're probably gonna do is
But I think you'll be impressed with my client.
But I'm going to this after hours thing
But I'm gonna have to let you go.
But if we suddenly decide to share that gift,
But it was a good time for you to vandalize my Chrysler though.
But just stuff it under the seat for now.
But let's make one thing clear.
But not if nobody finds out.
But she was always just trying to change me
But that and the trial are the only two things you fucked up. So, uh...
But that is so fucked up!
But they patted us down on the way in here. Where'd you even hide it?