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Home > Matt Berry - I.T. Crowd
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Matt Berry - I.T. Crowd

Matt Berry - I.T. Crowd

All Matt Berry quotes from The IT Crowd. Pretty much everything he says in the series. IT Crowd is set in Reynholm Industries, a fictional British corporation at 123 Carenden Road in Central London. It focuses on the shenanigans of the IT support team, who dwell in a dingy, cluttered basement. Roy, Moss and Jen are socially inept geeks or, in Denholm Reynholm's words, "standard nerds".

A fear of balloons. That's the craziest thing I've ever bloody heard.
A lighter area and less constrictive than men's trousers.
A lot of people would be confused as to why I invited them up here, then asked them to leave, not you.
A second tape I see.
Actually I don't follow.
Ah well, then I probably shouldn't have told you any of that.
Ah, here we go.
Ah, Jim, I've been expecting you.
All gone.
Alright alright.
Alright, alright just say the right thing, say the thing I want you to say.
Alright, I will.
Alright, spare me.
Amazing, just amazing.
And all this for sports relief.
And consumable with butter.
And every other day I take a short helicopter, ride their Haston Blumenthal's restaurant.
And for God's sake, get a shower.
And he worked at Venom Industries for a time.
And I even got that award off those feminists, the one shaped like the ice cream fellow.
And I have a feeling I'll be needing you for a lot more than just deleting incriminating files.
And I'll tell you something else. When I return from the estate, it's to you.
And I'm missing out on a massive tip party.
And I'm sure she's planning something suitably raucous for you reprobates.
And push you back up.
And random industries is changing Labour's for the better.
And remember there are places lower than the basement.
And Ross, I'm gonna tell you what their secret is, but you must keep it to yourself.
And there's a condom machine in the toilet, I checked.
And they've come true because of something he calls Space star ordering.
And what did you do?
And which word in particular do you object to your Honor?
And you'll find they take this case with the gravity it deserves.
And you're no longer my assistant.
Anyway, don't worry about the shareholders. I can handle them.
Anyway, enough about our balls.
Anyway, I want to divorce her right now.
Anyway, I'm glad we got that cleared up.
Anyway, this went to court, but your word against mine and who are they going to believe? A woman or an Englishman?
April after dinner, would you do me the honor of accompanying me to my bed.
April I love you.
April, may I take you to dinner?
April, these past few days have been like a dream.
April, we need to talk.
Are you talking about?
Are you up for it?
Aren't you gonna drink it?
Argue with legal.
Before we go on Linda, do you need to go to the toilet?
Before you go, Jen, I know it was you. You broke my heart you broke my heart.
Bernardelli and Reynholm Industries together will be bigger than ever.
Bernat Alley, the most successful businessman of the year.
Best accounting team I've ever had.
Black woman
Bloody blast, this is up my ass.
Bollocks to be telling me to calm down my old chap.
Book Recommendation I can't read.
Bottom of the world.
Brenham industry has a reputation to uphold. We're not News International for Christ sake.
Bring it on.
Broad and general yeah clean shaved. Alright yeah enough of the jibber jabber.
Bull many things.
Bulls from Harley shit twins.
Bum, your excuses?
But I don't care find you in chanting.
But I think I speak for all men here when I say I can't wait to get that box open and feast my eyes upon it. Sexy contents.
But I want to say this that accounts team I had every last one of them.
But I'm not around. It's only cars. God damn these electric sex pants.
But isn't that half the fun trying to guess the twist?
But it's not the same.
But she knows a sleazy it routes around this Old Town. I like to call London igos.
But she's hurt. She may need our help.
But shit.
But that journalists have an agenda.
But that's enough to bring Reynholm Industries to its knees.
But these are my new family father. I hope no secrets from them.
But with you I don't know I feel alive.
By the way, where's that Huzi Tutsi hum, dinging, coochie Mama boss of yours?
Can you speak Italian gem?
Can you state your full name, please?
Can't have the priest.
Check your privilege.
Come on Ben, say a few words.
Come on big game.
Come on goofy. We wanna see the calendar.
Come on, Jen ever feel like just having some fun?
Come on, Jen, what type of show?
Come on, Jen. I need your mind on the job, not thinking about sexy sex all the time.
Come on, we both knew it was on the cards. As soon as I realized you were a woman.
Come sit on my big hand.
Come with me I I want to show you something.
Conrad Black, the first rich person to go to prison in 300 years.
Consider me what happy shareholder.
Could you do me a favor? I want to feel like Melissa is alive just one last time.
Could you read it back?
Couple of days later, bought myself a helicopter.
Damn that sorcerer.
Damn, good job. Damn good, bloody good. Damn good job.
Damn, I'm supposed to be doing secret millionaire. Get all cancel.
Do you know I've never been so enchanted by a woman in all my life?
Do you mean the rumors that I killed my wife?
Do you think I could get a life please?
Do you wanna shut up?
Does this have to do with my divorce proceedings? Makine fellow.
Doesn't matter so far. He's satisfied with general laughter.
Don't anyone, no, we'll reconvene tomorrow. Thank you everyone.
Don't do anything. Stay out of trouble.
Don't listen to her. The bitch is crazy.
Don't raise your glass too soon, Ben, 'cause this has all been one big ruse.
Don't raise your glasses too soon because this ruse has also been a ruse.
Don't say anything. They'll get me going either of you.
Don't see a misuse. I guess corners the 20th century.
Don't tell me, I suppose he was fictional too.
Don't touch that.
Don't worry Jack, just make it as sexy as hell and watch the money pouring in.
Don't worry Jen, you'll get your wish.
Don't you worry, Phil.
Drive that blind.
Dumb I'm done.
Easy there, that's an original.
Entertainments manager, do you know what that involves?
Euroskeptic, jenn. You should be more like these. They can't get enough of my space star ordering story.
Even the man who was edible, they said it wasn't, but I ate it.
Everyone saw through that report.
Everyone's a ghost.
Excuse me, I'm just charging them.
Explain that one if you can.
Female Sulu being there captain aboard.
First, you made me want to go to the toilet and now you make me want to be a better person.
Firstly, ordinary boys and now this.
For how long?
Forget this we malarkey, I'm talking to you Ross. Are you happy?
From the chef Zone 7.
Fuck off.
Future 1 Sip and Reynholm Industries wants to give it to the future.
Gambling no no, no no. I was riding a horse and it fell out of my pocket.
Geek chic I wanna tear my eyes out.
Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Jen.
Get out go.
Ghost ship it.
Give me £20, I'll pay you back.
Go like this.
Go on.
Go to the meeting. I'll be right there.
God, that's hugely impressive. Haven't you just had a baby?
Good God get me IT.
Good God.
Goodbye father.
Great idea.
Great yeah.
Gucci across the Irish bastard.
Guess who wanted a helicopter this time last week and now thanks to Space Star ordering has one.
Hang on a second. This is my car.
Hang on.
Hardcore nasty thinking. You didn't have it in you.
He is angry.
He's his own brother.
Hell's horses?
Hello Jenn, I'd love to help you, but traditionally the role of entertainment manager has always been held by a man.
Hello, I'm Douglas Reynholm and I'm not a scientist, but I do have a better understanding of what spaces than any scientist living today.
Her name is Jane or Jan or something similar.
Her sweet voice wakes a mighty tiger behind my fly.
Here lies a great man, a great man.
Here's a selection of her lingerie.
Hesston I'd like to introduce you to my wife.
Hey, its my G
Hey, why don't you take your clothes off?
Hey, you know we should do this sort of thing more often. I hate the whole BOSS employee thing, don't you?
Hi Jenn, I'd like you to meet some very special women.
Hi there, Jen.
Hi, I'm Douglas.
His heart exploded.
Hopefully we can join forces and plow our way through these uncertain times.
How am I finding it so far? Well, to be honest with you, it's not as God awful as I thought it would be.
How did that work?
How do we know that laptop isn't somehow able to connect to the Internet?
How long have you been working for me now? Gen 3-4 months, is it?
How you fellas get any work done with a hot piece of finger licking chicken like that?
How's the wine?
I admire you, Roy. You've got the guts to stand up for what you believe in.
I am getting a robot hand.
I am very aroused.
I am your honor, but rest assured it will be a normal examination. I am not in any way across.
I bet he's a woman, that bloke
I can't wait.
I count myself lucky to have you as a friend.
I didn't do it.
I didn't want it to come to this gem, but would you like a cup of tea?
I don't care where you're from Iran, France doesn't bother me. I'm very modern.
I don't care.
I don't know what it is, but women slacks give me the confidence I need to survive in a tough business world.
I don't know.
I don't think I've ever looked in this draw. Wow, a gum.
I don't think so.
I don't think we can just pick up from where we left off.
I drew a picture of the helicopter on a piece of paper. Then I stood with my back to space through the paper over my shoulder and wished really hard.
I got a pretty nifty home cinema system.
I gotta thank you, Miranda for give me a second chance.
I had a bad back and I cured it thanks to the techniques outlined in this groundbreaking exposure of the massage industry.
I have an old fashioned mindset but damn it at least I try.
I have come from a far away place to seek a great source of air.
I hereby announce that speech over and the calendar ready to go.
I hope by the end of this meeting we can become firm friends.
I just mean files.
I just wanted you to know this calendar doesn't make a million pounds. I'm holding you personally responsible.
I left strict instructions not to be disturbed in case we had sex.
I like that.
I like you and I like what you've done with your company.
I like you Jim. You don't ask questions.
I love the way he says, Oh yes.
I love thinking about that operation that you had.
I may not come back.
I mean, think about that.
I must call Mark Thatcher.
I never would have agreed to that.
I promise, father.
I promise, father.
I saw on your profile that you were having a party.