The Mindy Project - Season 5 Edit

A doctor going to his sister's birthday party is nothin'.

A gesture which you spurned.

A handkerchief? I wish.

A hot dog cart tipped over on me, I'll have you know.

A kiss? Did we kiss?

A very financially responsible young lady.

A very generous 3% raise over four years,

A year ago, I would have said it's impossible for you

Absolutely no good came from this strike.

Absolutely not.

Actually learned that ear drop trick with my own daughter.

Actually, I can't 'cause they're all

After that stupid documentary came out.

After you put them in.

Agree to disagree.

Ah, great!

Ah, Mindy! What on earth is this?

Ah, Mindy.

Ah, she spat on me!

Ah, thank God.

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Oh, God! I'm so sorry.

Ah! Oh, my God!

Ahh!

Ahh!

All being well, Thursday, we're back to work.

All right, come on. [dog barks]

All right, I assure you a deal is imminent.

All right, I tried to tell you the trick to these ear drops,

All right, let's get in here.

All right, Mindy, that leaves you.

All right, who's got a pen?

All that she wants, all that she deserves.

All the doctors hate me.

All this time you thought you were Margaret Thatcher.

All you have to do is make sure the nurses

Almost everything, I'm not sure.

Also, you aren't wearing any underwear.

Am I having a stroke?

Am I right or what?

Amazing doctor, my mentor, my best friend.

And a European Wax Center punch card.

And Daddy's been buying geodes on EBay again.

And do things for me?

And don't say he was from Postmates.

And don't take my word for it, ask Noodles.

And get your lazy asses back to work?

And great...

And he won't let me take it out.

And I ain't got no sugar daddy since I turned this guy down.

And I always do what coach tells me to do.

And I bring 'em to the dump and sell 'em.

And I didn't know what to do with it.

And I didn't want him to see them.

And I don't love that photo.

And I have something for you that is even better than a gift.

And I hope that the strike ends soon.

And I know which way I'm voting.

And I love them, Dr. Reed.

And I paid for you guys to get that condo there?

And I would fly into a jet engine.

And I'm allergic to air conditioning.

And I'm feeling pretty relaxed,

And I'm gonna take these cookies as my breakfast

And I'm like Mary Poppins' hot OBGYN.

And I'm like, She's my friend. She's gonna sign it.

And if you're someone who gets more than two colonics a week,

And it'll make us impossible to fire, like teachers.

And it's not gonna be nominal.

And Leo tripped when he was running to get help.

And lying on his uninfected side so the medicine has time

And Mr. Robot all day, it's awful.

And no negotiation necessary.

And now she's with another?

And one union parking spot...

And reject her demands?

And scammed some German tourists.

And sign the deal tomorrow, all right?

And since the strike's almost done, could I spend it with her?

And that is exactly what I'm gonna do.

And the negotiations are tomorrow.

And this is coming from a person who chased a Pokémon

And watch the town slowly fade away.

And we can go back to work with the dignity that we deserve.

And we gotta be nice to all these dirty hipsters

And we want to join a union.

And we're prepared to wait as long as we need

And without Jody to curl my hair each night,

And you know what I blame...

And you know, timing is everything.

And you need eye bag concealer. What's going on?

And you really think you can look your sister in the eye

Another great movie, Taken,

Any of the doctors, okay?

Anyway, we were wondering if you wouldn't mind

Apparently, English frailty is a pre existing condition.

Apparently, there's some kind of petition going around.

Are always the defenseless rich.

Are you sure? They seem so calm.

Aren't for Leo.

As a doctor, I shouldn't be here.

As it turns out, it's not that hard to save.

Asking for more money for the same job they've done for years?

At least five or six times.

At least you could have pepperoni breath.

At least, can I give you money for a cab ride home?

At least, I don't think so.

At the Brooklyn campus.

Attracted to you?

Back to work. I love you.

Before I got this job, so...

Before they have to sit through a boring graduation.

Ben said I can't, and Ben is basically my coach

Ben, my man, I got you some chips.

Ben, the nurse, was in my house.

Ben, wow.

Ben, wow.

Ben?

Besides, it's just a stupid brochure.

Bill O'Reilly killing someone books

Birthday cake bakery.

Birthday cakes do you have?

Blam! Blam! Blam!

Blended into a smoothie. I'm juicing.

Boo, boo!

Boo!

Boo! [mouthing words] I'm sorry.

Both: Eww!

Brendan and Duncan Deslaurier proudly announce

Bridge of Spies, no complaints.

Business is bad and Shulman can't go under.

But as long as this check cashes,

But being our on call physician

But don't mention my name.

But I can get you a nurse, 'cause they love us.

But I have something far more scandalous to tell you.

But I needed the money.

But I still don't think you can afford this neighborhood.

But I'll tell you this much, we can walk right by her house.

But I'm more like Quintin Hogg.

But I'm not going home.

But if worse comes to worst,

But it was just because there was something wrong with Leo.

But it's in the neighborhood, so I'll walk.

But it's nothing serious.

But the deal we're offering the nurses is fair, though, right?

But they specialize in birthday cakes for men.

But we're financially sound.

But we're still gonna take your ass down!

But what about the strike?

But you didn't want to listen to me.

But you gave this apartment to me and Leo as a gift.

But you told us, Stay united.

But you've become

By consorting with a pediatric nurse named Ben!

Can I put Advil in pancakes?

Can you believe these nurses?

Can you imagine life without the the SAG awards?

Can you talk?

Can't say I'm surprised,

Can't you just text the nanny and ask her to remove it?

Clear a path. Clear a path, all you.

Close the door behind you.

Colette didn't show up for her bubble bath.

Colette, I'm so excited about your birthday party.

Colette, you were raised better than that!

Collette's birthday is Tuesday.

Columbia Medical School, Princeton University.

Come in, come in.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, docs, negotiate!

Come on, docs, negotiate.

Come on, now, Mindy's never been professional in her life.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come out of your apartment?

Coming out of his knuckles, and then adamantium...

Coming to my nice pancake lunch, stirring up trouble.

Congrats. You win.

Could be very lucrative for you, Dr. Ledreau.

Cowboy hat? Bettie Page handstamp?

Crowd: [chanting] Come on, docs, negotiate!

Crowd: [chanting] One, two, three, four!

Damn, dude, you started young.

Defeat is our only hope.

Did I say that out loud? I'm so sorry.

Did they just call me a ho?

Did you forget already?

Didn't make a whole lot of sense,

Do I look like the guy you fired?

Do you have Dr. Lahiri's number?

Do you have, like, a tablet or something?

Do you know how humiliating it is to do something for money

Do you know how many drunk guys

Do you know what I do on the weekends?

Do you know why I'm wearing this string of pearls?

Do you think I enjoy going down to Little Colorado to buy that?

Do you think you can represent our cause in the boardroom?

Doctors are falling apart.

Doing cardio all day.

Doing your blood draw today.

Don't have to worry about any crazy neighbors.

Don't leave the room without signing.

Don't sign the deal!

Don't tell the nurses I was here.

Don't waste any more time trying to explain it to me.

Don't worry, guys.

Don't worry, Leo. I'm a doctor.

Dr. L, if you really care, join us in the picket line.

Dr. L, why are you un signing our petition?

Dr. L's smushing on Nurse Ben.

Dr. Lahiri knows that using a midwife is just as safe

Dr. Ledreau's nurses also want to join the union.

Dr. Reed, the tan... you know who I am.

Dr. Reed!

Dropped my pen.

Duncan and I are offering 5% off our...

During these uncertain times?

Entourage.

Especially not you. I mean, no offense, but...

Even my sister wants to join.

Everyone boo!

Everyone, I am not accepting sex in exchange for this apartment.

Everyone's happy.

Ex squeeze me?

Excuse me? That smell's not coming from me.

Fair? I hope not.

Final negotiations with the nurses tomorrow

Find your nearest emergency room.

Fine, I'll plead our case.

Five, six, seven, eight!

Five, six, seven, eight.

Five, six, seven, eight...

Five, six, seven, eight...

Five, six, seven, eight...

For fighting our strike.

For me to be hanging out with a nurse.

For my work on third world PMS.

For powerful women right now.

For the down payment.

For the record, it's not such a great look

Forgot your pizza.

From betwixt Mother's thighs.

Gave me some good advice.

Get back to work.

Girls from the bike shop, and, of course, my brother.

Give him the number, Morgan.

Go back to wherever you're from.

God, I don't know why this is so hard.

God!

Good night, buddy.

Gotta head to my shift at Dave & Buster's.

Guess I'm not like most guys in Manhattan.

Guess not everyone thought

Guys, I just have to sit there and be quiet?

Guys, it's all about dignity.

Guys, you have to know, I wanted to sign that petition.

Ha, Harold the vein.

Had a three way with those skanks in Park City.

Had to take a little myself just to calm down.

Handsome nurse lands temperamental doctor.

Harold is his favorite.

Has a raisin stuck up his nose.

Have they ever asked you to lunch before?

Have to replace me on the hospital negotiation committee.

He can help me tie my tie.

He doesn't have time for a dalliance!

He said when it comes to your kid,

He said yes and hung up.

He screamed, kicked me in the tits.

He should be focusing on Tokyo 2020.

He thinks they're delicious.

He wanted to come by and check it out.

He wants to hire a doctor

He'll be the only person there

He's a straight up Wolverine.

He's also a male nurse.

He's laying still.

He's switching majors from scratching to general studies,

He's the one who told us we're not supposed to hang out

Hello, Mindy. You're looking...

Hello, yes, what sort of women's golf themed

Hello?

Hey hey! Ho ho!

Hey hey...

Hey, could I get a slice of veggie, please?

Hey, guys, listen up. This from Dr. Mindy Lahiri.

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

Hey, I am so excited to see you,

Hey, I'm looking for...

Hey, I'm sorry that you have to take that job.

Hey, Jeremy, this strike is getting real old, okay?

Hey, Leo shoved a nickel into his ear

Hey, Leo? I don't have any chocolate chips for pancakes.

Hey, look, just one favor.

Hey, man, I'm so sorry.

Hey, man, just 'cause we're hot doesn't mean we're dumb.

Hey, man, this has gotta stop.

Hey, Miss Dr. L.

Hey, Mom! How's my favorite mom?

Hey, since we're screwed anyway,

Hey, sweetheart.

Hey, who were you on the phone with?

Hey, why does it smell like Rishi's apartment

Hey!

Hey! Do you remember when you moved to India

Hey.

Hi, sir. I'd like three pepperoni slices

Hold on a second.

Hold out and they will cave.

Hold, please.

Horrible, horrible.

How are you not impressed by this?

How do I cut his nails without him freaking out?

How old are you?

How were the negotiations? I hope they went well.

Huh?

Huh? Who dat?

I abandoned it, 'cause of tickets.

I actually had a month long vacation planned

I ain't well liked?

I already put it on Airbnb

I always pick the movie our family watches on Christmas Day.

I am hairy like a curse, so...

I am really sorry I gave you a heart attack.

I apologize for the wait.

I assumed it was maybe Jane Lynch.

I believe the right to bear arms begins at conception!

I blame my colleagues for how that panned out.

I brought you a to go margarita, but I drank it out of anger.

I came to see you.

I can get health insurance and get my growth looked at.

I can look into that sweet, cherubic face and deny...

I can remember

I can show you a trick if you want.

I can't be around tree nuts.

I can't be seen buying toilet paper

I can't do it... I hung myself last time.

I can't let you through. I cannot let you...

I can't stop you from bidding on it; I checked.

I can't take your money. Also, this is only $3.

I can't.

I can't.

I cannot wait till all this blows up in your face,

I collect old Russian newspapers around the neighborhood

I couldn't really understand from your message.

I did not forget about that car.

I did not say that!

I didn't follow your instructions 'cause...

I didn't pay all these lawyers to make it fair.

I didn't say that! I don't need them.

I didn't tell him anything.

I do not get why we're so anti union, okay?

I do.

I don't give a hoot.

I don't know no Debbie.

I don't know why that's our fault.

I don't know, fed? The banks?

I don't know, I think you should check it now.

I don't like how it smells in here either.

I don't need no randos like Troy here, okay?

I don't need some uppity nurse with hair gel

I don't want my son to grow up in a country

I don't want to go into the details of how I got the money.

I don't want to look at your sign right now.

I gave you this apartment as a romantic gesture,

I got a lot of expenses, okay?

I got more eggs on me than in me.

I got stuck under my own butt trying to do yoga,

I gotta go... meet my nanny and no one else.

I gotta tell you, brother, you're way off.

I guess we could eat the throwing eggs?

I had to take a side job at Dave & Buster's.

I hated that. I hated that.

I have a picture of her in every room in my house, Doc.

I have Leo. He kills spiders for me.

I have one of her under a fluorescent light

I have to go home early.

I have to pour my own bourbon.

I have zero ides of my own. Let's just do that.

I haven't run an errand in over a month,

I haven't seen him this into a TV show

I I I found that cigarette of drugs

I just almost put a morphine drip in the wrong patient.

I just had to take a patient's urine sample.

I just saw the picture, thought it was kind of weird.

I just want to prank call her

I just want to thank you all for the opportunity to...

I just... I don't have the money right now.

I just... it's not a good time, guys.

I kind of knew it was coming from the moment I met you.

I know I won't.

I know that look... that's the look you gave

I know the nurses' deal is good,

I know, it's terrible, isn't it?

I love Popsicles.

I love signing petitions.

I love unions!

I mean, do you guys even read?

I mean, I gave you my old shoes to wear.

I mean, though, honestly, you could use the exercise.

I mean, why else would they ask me

I might have to recuse myself.

I miss the level of conversation I had with the doctors.

I must have mixed up the charts.

I need caffeine; I almost fell asleep

I need it to get to my gumballs.

I need my Morgans, my Tamras, my Colettes.

I need my nurses back.

I need you to cover a patient.

I needed something to hold onto.

I think I can be objective and not give my darling Colette

I think we should be paid a living wage.

I think you're gonna like 'em

I thought I saw you in the back of some instas.

I thought you were a loser.

I understand that the true victims in strikes like these

I wanted this apartment to be a happy home for the three of us.

I was a nurse in an asylum.

I was a worthless bucket of puke.

I was already banned for fighting a penguin.

I was just smiling because I was thinking

I was not fraternizing with the enemy.

I wear them when I want to dress more feminine.

I will just sell my toenails online to some pervert.

I will say a helpful Dave & Buster's bouncer

I wonder how the strike vote went last night.

I would really like to get that money back.

I'd rather just sit here in the ER

I'll get the VIP treatment.

I'll just prescribe some ear drops.

I'll kill ya!

I'll pick up.

I'll tell you how we deal with organized labor

I'm a bouncer at Dave & Buster's

I'm a monster.

I'm a nurse at your pediatrician's office.

I'm afraid I have to agree, Jeremy.

I'm always so lucky to get an appointment

I'm an excellent negotiator.

I'm becoming Mr. Potato Head as it is.

I'm constantly breaking up fights over Ms. Pac Man.

I'm either unavailable or accepting an award

I'm five minutes late to work and this is what happens?

I'm getting my almonds, and then we can leave.

I'm Hamilton as hell.

I'm having an open house so I can sell the apartment.

I'm hella good at that.

I'm here 'cause my kid is sick.

I'm Hindu, by the way...

I'm in kind of a bind. I'm looking for Debbie,

I'm just double checking all of the legal jargon.

I'm me again.

I'm more like the hooker with the heart of gold,

I'm not a rando.

I'm not cool! I'm freaking out, man!

I'm not here to fight with you guys.

I'm pretty sure she can figure it out.

I'm probably never gonna see you again.

I'm sick.

I'm sorry it's come to this, Mindy.

I'm sorry, Colette,

I'm sorry, Colette.

I'm sorry, I have to run.

I'm sorry, I... I just, I lost my balance,

I'm sorry, sir, you're a nurse, I am a doctor.

I'm sorry. Are we poor poor?

I'm sorry. When I'm around Dr. Maloof, I become terrible.

I'm starving!

I'm talking to a dog.

I'm the English guy.

I'm the one that's bad at this.

I've been kicked off the hospital ballroom dancing team.

I've got a Chinese billionaire ready to pay cash

I've got no nurses, I've got thrice the workload.

I've had lunch, and you've sat in the room.

I've just been picketing for 12 hours before I came here.

I've read every Nancy Drew.

I've told you this several times.

If I ever catch you napping in my bed again,

If Lady Thatcher could stand up to the coal miners,

If not safer than giving birth with a doctor.

If the nurses want more money and better healthcare,

If the strike continues for long enough,

If you are a celebrity,

If you change your mind, I'll be upstairs

If you get him to sit still for a few minutes

If you knew this raisin was stuck up his nose,

If you mess with the bull, you gotta prepare for the horns.

If you were to kiss me, I would be so disgusted

If you're bleeding out, there's some gauze going around.

If your child is in need of immediate assistance,

Ignorant of our situation, we have the upper hand.

In fact, let's make a vow that none of us start dating

In my sensory deprivation tank.

In one of my patient's cooches this morning.

In the extremely unlikely event of a complication,

In the lobotomatorium, but then I should go.

In the quantities that I need.

Indians are famously smart.

Into a hot dog cart a mere 15 minutes ago.

Iron Man's wife?

Is Ben adict Arnold coming?

Is it?

Is that why your hands are still on my butt?

Is the strike gonna last, Dr. Reed?

Is to invest in my new CD of jazz standards with Sonu twist.

It doesn't matter.

It makes me feel less bad about never voting.

It turns out I've been thinking about our kiss.

It turns out my surgery is not covered by insurance.

It was just a kiss, okay? Nothing more.

It was like saying I'd never go to SeaWorld

It was very easy to support you

It went great for the nurses, I meant.

It'll be okay, all right?

It's a hug.

It's a lot.

It's a nominal handkerchief at best.

It's a old pair of underwear.

It's a perfectly normal thing to order, okay?

It's all right.

It's all right. Okay.

It's all we have left.

It's Ben.

It's clear we're on opposite sides of this.

It's hard for us all without the nurses here.

It's just a small raise, it's just a nominal amount of money.

It's just gonna be my softball team,

It's just now is not a good time.

It's just walking back and forth all day.

It's like modeling with bad clothes.

It's Morgan.

It's next to my bed, come here, two seconds.

It's not gonna happen, dude. He is too squirmy.

It's not just a brochure!

It's not, but I appreciate you trying.

It's okay, Leo.

It's okay. We're gonna get a seat, all right?

It's really gonna ruin the nurses' Christmas.

It's the actors honoring their own.

It's the money for the apartment.

It's the nurses who are living on borrowed time,

It's the only job that forgot to do my background check.

It's wringing every last dollar

Jane and I were both there,

Jeremy's heart legit exploded.

Jody, does an OBGYN office really need a subscription

Jody, what the hell is going on here?

Jody!

Joining a couple of us for lunch to...

Just don't get a boner.

Just invite Jody to your party, man, all right?

Just please don't say anything.

Kind of like what I'm doing now while you guys are out

Largely because my sheets are disgusting

Lazy?

Legally you can just make an X.

Leo still dealing with the ear infection?

Leo, I'm going up to your room.

Leo, it's gonna be okay, all right?

Leo's ear infection is still bothering him.

Let me know if you have any more dry fruit emergencies.

Let me tuck you right in.

Let's get back to the subway.

Let's go with Dora.

Let's go.

Let's see what I got in the ol' wallet here.

Like a real hug where my breasts push against your chest.

Like my idol, Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady.

Like my sign says, that's not cool!

Like the bloody European Union.

Like the Jerky Boys. Here you go.

Like, 70, and then they die

Look at 'em... fish in a barrel.

Look at that, look at that right there.

Look at that, Noodles, look.

Look, I didn't want to have to tell you this,

Look, I don't wanna fight.

Look, I hear ya, but with any luck,

Look, I want to help Leo.

Look, if your name's too hard,

Look, you little pervert.

Love you, girl.

Love, your anonymous brother.

Lube the paddles.

Make sure no one is dumb enough to sign that thing.

Makes what I did seem pretty forgivable, wouldn't you say?

Mama's Little Diva camisole.

Manhattan real estate is very pricy.

Maybe I can help.

Maybe in a couple years.

Meanwhile, you see a squirrel, you won't shut up.

Mindy, call the doctor.

Mindy, how are you doing?

Mindy, how could you?

Mindy's been betraying our cause

Minority woman that I sort of see myself as.

Mm hmm, mm hmm.

Mm. This halibut is terrible.

More disheveled than usual today.

Morgan does my laundy, we are not speaking.

Morgan doesn't have a couple years,

Morgan, for the last time,

Morgan, go to bookstore and get one of those

Morgan, I think it's pretty obvious what's happening here.

Morgan, I've been picketing for 12 hours,

Morgan, who is this person?

Morgan, why do you have a picture

Morgan? Colette?

Most guys in Manhattan don't have kids till they're,

Mostly because I did all the work.

Mouth on mouth touching.

Move it!

Mrs. Denton, I'm so sorry.

My eyes are perfect, stop, stop, don't guess.

My fingers are huge... look at them.

My girlfriend gets her bandages off today.

My hand's not steady enough for that.

My nanny called. She said that Leo

My pediatrician died in Boston years ago.

Next time you force me to kiss you

No need.

No one... I was, well, it's a bakery,

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No peace, no nurses!

No romance, no gesture.

No, because you can't forget something you never learned.

No, Ben and Dr. L are hooking up.

No, don't hang up. It's Ben.

No, he's dead.

No, Hugh Grant, from Love Actually.

No, I didn't come here to thank you.

No, no, no, guys!

No, no, no, Jody, you can't sell it.

No, that's not what I mean.

No, that's selfish.

No, you're being theatrical, you're fine.

No!

No!

No. No, it's to remind me to stay strong,

Nope. She's 13.

Not excited enough to get you a gift, but still excited.

Not just a place for a rando nurse to come get a free lunch.

Not literally.

Not well, actually.

Not your pediatrician... Leo's.

Nothing a Popsicle can't fix.

Nothing too embarrassing when it's for your kid, right?

Now I'm here.

Now that Tamra's not around?

Now, look, if you think it'll help,

Now, that's a good deal.

Nurses have always struck me as a sensible,

Nurses need to make some more!

Nurses need to make some more.

Of course.

Of Dr. Lahiri on your fridge?

Oh yeah? Look under the table.

Oh, can you get me a job there?

Oh, errands?

Oh, FYI, those drops only work

Oh, God, here we go again.

Oh, God, it's a gusher.

Oh, God, my toenail fell off.

Oh, God, our ranks are crumbling.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, he finally stopped crying.

Oh, hello, Mindy. Would you like a cookie?

Oh, hey, Jeremy. How's it going with you?

Oh, hi, Dr. Ledreau!

Oh, I forgot.

Oh, I guess I'm not the rich, entitled princess

Oh, I know that guy.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. It's really not a good time.

Oh, is she a toddler too?

Oh, it looks like someone's been thinking about our kiss.

Oh, it's so nice of you to remember Daddy's birthday.

Oh, jeez, there's not a lot of room.

Oh, Jody, relax.

Oh, Mindy, glad you could join us.

Oh, my God, he's dead. He's dead.

Oh, my God, I'm having chest pains.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You're preying on the elderly.

Oh, no, guys, I am not good at negotiating, okay?

Oh, no, Mindy. How did you get this money?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, Wolverine actually has bone claws

Oh, no, you know what?

Oh, no. Damn, they made those fast.

Oh, oh, thank God.

Oh, please!

Oh, poor Jeremy. I feel terrible.

Oh, she's a doctor, Nurse Ben.

Oh, stop it.

Oh, thank God!

Oh, the Lincoln Memorial, wow.

Oh, to thank me for my selfless act.

Oh, uh, Winston Churchill?

Oh, uh, yeah, Beverly!

Oh, wait, wait, I'm sorry.

Oh, what a day, am I right? I got some food.

Oh, yeah, Dr. Reed,

Oh, yeah, of course.

Oh, you forgot?

Oh! You know what else helped a lot?

Oh.

Okay, all right, okay.

Okay, don't look at me like that.

Okay, guys, it's true.

Okay, guys, look.

Okay, I definitely shouldn't have donated

Okay, I'm gonna buy it.

Okay, princess, so if I was to kiss you right now,

Okay, so it was professional.

Okay, so the trick is to keep Leo still

Okay, Tamra is the only person

Okay, that's pretty rude.

Okay, we get it. You learned the word nominal.

Okay, we know who Quintin Hogg is, okay?

Okay, well, that anecdote

Okay, well, you're coach is straight up Frenching on Dr. L.

Okay, who's it gonna be?

Okay, you know what, I have a solution to your problem, sir.

Okay, you know what, I'm gonna call Dr. Maloof, all right?

Okay, you know what, it doesn't matter.

Okay, you know what? I don't know what to tell you.

Okay, you know what? I don't need any...

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Ugh.

Old white guys on election day... unified.

One time, I bought a date with myself at a silent auction.

One way for you to get your money back

One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. We won't take it anymore.

One, two, three, four...

Only Kanye and the cover of New York Magazine

Oops! [chuckling]

Or completely give in to my stress related alopecia.

Or when I wear my skinny jeans to work.

Our feet are covered in blisters,

Our unnecessary magazine subscriptions.

Out of some hapless sucker.

Ow! That hurt.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

People could get mad at me, all right?

PH, cholesterol... what are you looking for?

Phone?

Picket all you like. We don't need you.

Picketing is boring.

Play Whac A Mole with their penises?

Please, as the head of the hospital negotiating committee,

Plus I've been having chest pains.

Postmates banned you for overuse.

Psychological warfare.

Put a picture of you in the front of my underwear

Quintin Hogg is...

Really mad at us right now.

Replacements!

Right in the vein.

Right, well, you're our only choice, okay?

Rishi needs another semester at DJ school.

Roger, call 9 1 1 like I taught you.

Savannah Guthrie's giving me the Silver Labia Award

Saw 'em in concert seven times.

Screw the strike, get over here.

See, Jeremy?

See, what you do is licking.

See? Wait.

She erasing her name from the list, Morgan, look.

She means free spirited independent nurses.

She turned me down so she could be by herself,

She's probably out on the picket line.

She's so sweet.

She's the kind of light skinned, frosty, beautiful

Shut up, Troy! Just shut up!

Since that Entourage where Turtle

Sit down, sit down. All right, uh...

Sitting across from a guy

Smells like they're coming from upstairs.

So can we.

So do I. I'll tell you this right now.

So his useless son has a place to live

So if I have sex with you,

So knock hard.

So much money to the Trump campaign.

So no one could see it.

So we lock the screen, put it at 90 degrees...

So you need us.

So, have a nice day being unemployed.

So, how did that happen to Leo?

So, I don't understand, you're a doctor.

So, Morgan, thank you for joining us.

So, yes, to answer your question, yes.

So, you can see, we've agreed to

Some people didn't think you were gonna sign it.

Some women prefer to have a doctor on call.

Someone decided it would be a good idea

Sometimes she'll say, I need you out. I can't focus.

Sorry to arrive unannounced, Jeremy.

Starring Liam Neeson, also in Love Actually.

Still, where am I gonna find it?

Stop it! I get it. I get it. You don't think it's cool.

Stop saying that word!

Stop!

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

Sure, the strike has been hard on all of us.

Sweetie, I'm sorry you're so miserable.

Take my Thatcher pearls.

Talk about other amazing vacations you've been on.

Tam, can you help me get it out?

Tell me your support wasn't just nominal.

Thank God!

Thank you for nothing, sir.

Thank you so much for seeing Leo, Dr. Maloof.

Thank you so much, Jody.

Thank you, Jody, bye.

Thank you, Tamra, that means a lot.

Thank you.

Thank you. I normally eat salad, but I'm anemic.

Thanks to this adult coloring book.

Thanks, Bridget. Good night, Leo.

Thanks, Morgan.

That did not work.

That everyone's thinking,

That I think the negotiations went great.

That I would kill myself.

That means none of the Shulman doctors signed it.

That might be an artery.

That saved a lot of scratch, Melville.

That sucked

That we're in disarray, and that I'm a weak leader,

That will chill you to the core.

That you're supposed to do for love?

That's a kiss.

That's a really bad idea.

That's a sad story.

That's all right.

That's an accident. I need that back.

That's another thing, okay?

That's fine. Take your pants off.

That's just our fearless leader smoking cannabis.

That's not so bad.

That's where she kicked me out. She said,

That's why I'm such a good Peeping Tom.

That's why I'm such a good Peeping Tom.

The cake should say, Happy birthday, Colette,

The Clinton Foundation has all that Saudi money.

The doctors aren't trying to date you.

The kiss was fine, okay?

The Lord Chancellor under Margaret Thatcher.

The money comes out of our pockets.

The nurse who usually works here.

The nurse. Leo's nurse?

The nurses at the hospital, we've all been talking,

The offer is final.

The office doesn't run the same without you.

The room where it happens.

The tip is up and the eraser's down.

Their demands are outrageous.

Their new on call physician, Dr. Mindy Lahiri.

Then how do you explain Morgan seeing a nurse

Then I would come back as a seagull...

Then the asylum burnt down.

Then why are you here?

Then why don't you just get over yourselves

Then you'll give me the apartment?

There are matters afoot.

There soon. Leo will be fine.

There's a chair right there.

There's a petition in Phlebotomy.

There's an open seat right there.

These negotiations are killing me!

They are sugarcoated.

They barely realize we exist.

They can't fit up nostrils, they're like bratwursts.

They got everything they asked for...

They kicked me out for ruining everything.

They make other things too,

They need us more than we need two weeks paid vacation, so...

They think you're the weakest link.

They were like, Ugh, I hate Dr. L, she's the worst.

They're for you.

They're knocking Crocs!

They're so nervous it's like f'n Riverdance with their feet down there.

They're trying to make a side deal with your nurses

This deal is terrible.

This doctor greed has got to go.

This is actually the best goddamn day of your life.

This is beyond the pale.

This is Dr. Yasmin Maloof.

This is my friend. His name is Ben.

This is our most delicate hour.

This is the longest we've been apart since I caught her

This is why I like a fruit free home.

This is, like, a private pancake lunch for friends,

This isn't a straight bar, you perv!

This morning I almost blew away.

Those two are falling in love,

To break our strike.

To demoralize her.

To find the money to buy the apartment upstairs.

To get what we deserve.

To Guns & Ammo?

To lunch at a Pancake Factory?

To pick up some extra cash during the strike.

To settle into his ear.

To shill for his midwives' practice.

To that point, I will say there was some incidental

To use my eating eggs as throwing eggs.

Too many, but we gotta keep fighting.

Treat the patients well and be okay

Trying to get us to use mushrooms as tampons?

Turns out, you were an even better Prime Minister.

Ugh, God.

Ugh, I thought I was Maggie Thatcher in her prime,

Ugh!

Ugh. Veggie? Yuck.

Uh, but where's Morgan? He named all my veins.

Uh, don't worry. We'll have this door sealed up.

Uh... why?

Uh... yeah.

Unbelievable! Come on.

Unemployed people in Manhattan just talk about cold brew coffee

Until then, we all need to be like

Use the other number I gave you.

Voilà.

Voilà.

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute.

Wait, you're signing it?

Wait. Why do you ask?

Wait's only about four hours.

Was it the mob? You already owe them so much.

We actually wanted to discuss an issue of some delicacy.

We all went to your stupid one man show.

We can get an acceptable offer by Thursday

We can't afford to keep going.

We can't hang out with the doctors during the strike,

We do not exist in the same realm, okay?

We don't know which way to go.

We heard that you tried to get Morgan to betray us.

We just wanted to say we're sorry you got what you deserve

We must remain strong!

We must remain vigilant in our separation!

We only spit on the Lincoln Memorial.

We owe it to the patients to get back to work.

We present our final offer to the nurses on Wednesday.

We send their jobs to Malaysia

We send their jobs to Malaysia

We treat you well.

We won't take it anymore!

We won't take it anymore!

We won't take this anymore.

We'd rather be back at work, helping our patients.

We'll take a birthday photo and send it to Mother

We're all busy with the nurses gone.

We're happy working here.

We're not covered in blood. We're splattered in blood.

We're not signing anything,

We've already lined up some non union replacements.

We've got house payments, car payments, children.

Weight, goal weight, age, real age.

Welcome to Shulman & Associates, scabs.

Well, hello, my sweet, sweet Colette.

Well, I can see that Leo's had trouble sleeping,

Well, I'm sorry, but it's either that

Well, I'm sure cooler heads prevailed.

Well, if this is almost the end,

Well, it better come quick.

Well, it's just a bump.

Well, it's official.

Well, listen, the strike vote is tonight,

Well, maybe I should remind you.

Well, Mrs. Hegarty, I'll actually be the one

Well, she's gonna tell the nurses

Well, that sounds perfect!

Well, we should probably go now.

Well, you know, I will say

Well, you're back, and I kinda need the money.

Well...

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing slumming it up in Phlebotomy?

What are you talking about?

What has gotten into these nurses?

What I need to do is get back to my job,

What the hell is going on here?

What the hell is going on here?

What the hell, guys?

What the hell?

What with a Clinton headed for the White House.

What?

What?

What? I thought I was very clear.

What? No, no, no, no.

What? Uh... no reason.

What? Why?

What's fraternizing?

What's his favorite show?

What's that look?

Whatever, you know what, why am I even talking to you?

Whatever. One of you is going to

When he watches Planet Earth?

When I scarified nothing and nobody cared.

When I told him I was meeting the doctors for lunch,

When nurses knew their places.

When we walked past that Latino pick up basketball game.

Where do you think that's coming from?

Where I come from.

Where is he?

Where it's a crime to be white.

Where's my genius grant?

Where's my genius grant?

Which is bringing life into this world.

Which is why you're nurses and not doctors.

Which is, if you guys wanted to make more money,

While he interns at Buzzfeed.

Who am I supposed to gab about Dance Moms with

Who are all these people? I am in lingerie.

Who are there to support us.

Who do they think they are, the cast of The Big Bang Theory?

Who has a corn cob sticking out of his...

Who isn't trying to get me in bed.

Who knows how to work the coffee machine.

Whoa, hey, everyone needs to calm down.

Whoa, um, Ben? He's on the nurses'

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, you weren't kidding.

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoa.

Why are you two covered in blood?

Why didn't you just take it out yourself?

Why do I smell cookies?

Why do you need Dr. Lahiri's phone number?

Why don't the nurses end the strike

Why don't y'all tell us something about yourselves?

Why don't you put the ear drops in?

Wish me luck.

With a little slap and tickle at the Christmas party.

With some kind of malfunction

With the doctors. What is he do...

With the pediatrician to the stars.

Without the nurses,

Working for you would be so embarrassing,

Would be even more united.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a little extra income

Yay, it's so good to have a job again.

Yeah, but I didn't realize the nurses

Yeah, but joining a union will protect our rights

Yeah, I got all the numbers...

Yeah, I see it. Move your hand.

Yeah, I took a job as a dog walker.

Yeah, I'll just... check it later.

Yeah, I'll keep your precious secret, Jason Bourne.

Yeah, I'm a pediatric nurse.

Yeah, need I friggin' say more?

Yeah, no, you were clear then.

Yeah, she's not gonna sign it. She stinks.

Yeah, she's really cooked our goose.

Yeah, that was a birthmark, not a vein.

Yeah, we don't have a choice.

Yeah, we're at a pancake place, bitch.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yep, we all need to be unified.

Yes, the strike has affected business,

Yes, you'll be eating boiled boots for Christmas dinner!

Yesterday someone thought I was one of the Hemsworth brothers.

Yesterday, I tried to put him in his little sparkly

Yet simple sort.

Yo, I'm gonna be honest, guys. I just...

You are gonna have to find another $25,000

You are really good with kids.

You could use the exercise.

You don't care.

You find a way to get the money, no matter what.

You gotta pull it together, man. [snapping]

You guys, the doctors' final offer is in two days.

You have no money!

You have to say math.

You just look like a man who guards a crypt.

You keep inviting me over here because you're attracted to me.

You know how easily I lose weight.

You know she can't do that, Tamra.

You know what, I'm just gonna say the thing

You know what, we are not allowed to talk to Dr. L,

You know what?

You know what? I'll sign it.

You know what? If it smells this good, bring it on.

You know what? Picketing is not a party for us.

You know, I practiced on my neighbor's cat last night.

You know, I'm gonna pop in right there.

You know, I'm starting to think these house calls

You know, if a woman is good for anything,

You know, we're just gonna sit by this wall.

You know, you're actually in much better hands with me,

You like me.

You mind if I go back to Colette's birthday party?

You say Kolkata, I say Calcutta

You say Mumbai, I say Bombay

You see, Morgan, this is how much we mean to them.

You should be a mall Santa, or, like, real Santa.

You should have gone to medical school.

You sign it; that way, we don't have to strike.

You started stealing toilet paper from the hospital.

You still want that apartment, you better put a bid in.

You support us so much

You take the bowl!

You think I need a man to come into my house

You think that we're Commies that need to go back to Russia.

You think that's a weird picture?

You thought I was.

You were at Colette's birthday.

You were leasing a car you forgot about.

You'd hate that.

You're all a bunch of fat, ugly losers

You're cool?

You're definitely not pregnant!

You're getting high?

You're gonna be fine.

You're gonna be fine.

You're gonna have to feed yourself cake tonight.

You're just gonna turn a poor single mother out on her ass?

You're like a chimney sweep

You're not well liked.

You're right, Mindy, as long as the nurses remain

You're signing the petition twice.

You're the best, okay?

You're warriors, we're fighting, we're gonna kill 'em!

You're welcome to put in an offer, just like everybody else.

You've asked me to go get you lunch every day almost.

[bird chirps] Ah, Roger, Roger.

[bird squawks] Jeremy? Jeremy!

[dog barks] [gasps]

[dog barks] Pfft. Classic.

[door shuts] [whispers] Oh, damn it.

[phone buzzing] Son, hurry up and sign!

$25,000. That is a lot of money.

Ah, Mindy, my chest. Oh, no.

Ah. Thank God.

All right... Just going inside.

and hot bod... Will you shut up?

and mail it to my dad. On it!

Brendan, you are a monster. Unbelievable.

Broke my heart! Ahh!

Broke my heart! God!

But I'll sit right at the door. Yeah.

call me that. Wow.

Come here. [groaning]

Come on. Oh, my God.

Congrats on your new apartment. Thank you.

Direct quote. Only you're that.

Exsqueeze me? Mm hmm.

Fine, fine! Give me a chip.

Get to it. Yeah, okay.

Gonna be so dope. Who's all coming, by the way?

Got you. Take care.

Ha ha, yeah! Ah.

Hard pass! Bev, come on.

Hello. Hello, Morgan. It's Dr. Reed.

Hello. Hey, you stink.

Hey, baby. Oh, oh, oh. Hey, guys.

Hey, Morgan. Hey.

Hey, Morgan. Oh! There you are!

Hey! My brogue!

Hey! Ho! Ho! Hey!

Hmm. Hi! I'm Beverly.

Ho! Ho! Hey, look, doctors!

Hop up on the piano. No, no, no, no.

I don't know. Look, I know that it's hard.

I missed you so much. Missed you too.

I'll be right back. Mindy!

I'll see you tomorrow. Okay, bye.

I'm a felon. No time.

It was so warm. They're so warm.

It's horrifying. That said,

It's true. You caved so quickly.

Just get out of here. Mm.

Meet me in your office. Thanks, but you know what?

Mindy. I think I understand.

Morgan, let's go. This is unbelievable.

Mumbai, Bombay No, bye, Mom.

negotiating committee. Uh huh.

No peace, no nurses! Oh, God.

No peace, no nurses! Oh, no.

No, don't chant it! That's not cool!

No. I had a crisis of conscience.

Oh ho ho! Wow.

Oh, God! [gasps]

Oh, God! Okay.

Oh, it's Dr. Lahiri! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, my God. Yeah, pretty cool, right?

Oh, wow. Yep.

Oh. Listen to this.

Oh. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh. That's not cool!

Oh. Told you it was gonna happen.

Oh. Good idea. Ho.

Ohh. Oh, yeah.

Okay, don't die. Mindy!

Okay, yeah. Come in, come in.

Okay. Ahh.

Okay. That's...

Or is it the truth? Is what Ben says true?

outside, please, in that room? Only if you give me a chip.

Ow! I'm sorry.

Please come with me. Give me a chip.

Relax, all right? I'm just telling you!

Run! Oh, my God!

She spat on my brogue! My God!

Sick baby coming through. Hey, go. Go.

That is so embarrassing. I know, okay?

These are my best friends. Thank you. That's nice.

They're trying to study you. Can I have a word with you

This is just to say thank you. No, no, no, no.

Us? Yeah.

We need to divide and conquer. Well said.

We're paying for that? Mm hmm.

Well, thank you for coming. Get out.

What? Mm hmm.

What? What?

Where? Right here? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoa, no! Hey, hey, hey, hey, whoa.

Why wouldn't I? Oh.

Yeah, do you? Honestly, no.

Yeah, it got worse. Okay, clear the way.

Yeah, it is you! Hey!

Yeah. Ah, the nurses' strike.

Yeah. This is for you.

Yes, Troy. So, about how much longer

You're having an open house? Mm hmm.

You're making me nervous. Why are you nervous?

You're trans. You're trans?

Your breath sucks! We're striking.

'Cause doctor greed has got to go, hey, hey!

'cause he's already coughing up blood into a handkerchief.

'cause he's got an ear infection.

'cause I'm a real doctor.

'cause they look hella delicious.

'cause they're from Traitor Joe's.

'cause when you come at the king, you better not miss.

[all cheering and clapping]

[chuckling] Good point.

[chuckling] Oh, yeah.

[chuckling] Uh, next time.

[clears throat]

[country music]

[dog barks]

[gasps]

[gasps] Jody!

[gasps] My boxing coach?

[groaning] My heart!

[groans] Or correct bar, you brave trans man.

[high pitched] Yeah, it's gonna be dope.

[knock at door]

[laughter]

[light music]

[music]

[phone alert chimes]

[phone buzzing]

[phone buzzing]

[quirky music]

[scoffs] Jody has to come!

[sentimental music]

[sentimental music]

[shouting] Stop it!

[softly] Shh, here they come.

[softly] There you go.

[softly] Whew.

[stammering] It looks like you got a text, I think.

[tearfully] Too late.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪