Family Guy - Season 1 Edit

A beautiful performance from "Brain" Griffin!

A big raise!

A compelling argument. You've swayed me, woman.

A failed robbery at Quahog Bank and Trust..

A government grant.

A little help?

A little service here!

A little. But thanks to him, me and Chris have never been closer.

A pet store! Guadalajara, Mexico!

A pregnant woman

A professional? There's treachery afoot!

A thousand pardons for disrupting your flatware sanitation ritual

A time machine. Sure. Here's where the flux capacitor goes

A trip? Like to the beach? Because I didn't bring my swimsuit

A vision quest is a sacred spiritual journey

A&E Biography is doing the life of the other guy from Wham

About 10 years ago I was investigating a robbery at an orphanage.

Absolutely outrageous

Absolutely. The children get to play our games

Actually, better make it like 600

Actually, Charlie's got the high score

Actually, I do. I enjoy it so much I'm going to do it again!

Actually, I was gonna use the little girl as a human shield...

Actually, the name's Griffin

Actually, the Swedish people run the gamut from very short to tall

Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog

After all, it's only a dog show.

After years of study, I've discovered the secret to Ionger Iife in canines.

Again! Again!

Albeit an articulate and charismatic one.

All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment

All right

All right, break it up!

All right, Brian. We got it all sewn up.

All right, I'll do that, too! Can you at least take Chris to his game?

All right, Joe! Come on! Yeah!

All right, Joe! Run!

All right, Joe! Way to earn that parking space!

All right, Meg. Now here's your first lesson

All right, men, the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb

All right, pal! You've stolen your last Christmas

All right, Peter

All right, stand back!

All right, then let's eat.

All right, who wants to be next? You? You?

All right, you guys

All right, you guys wait right here.

All right, you guys. Let's get out of here

All right!

All right! Did you see that?

All right! Her first drum solo

All right! We did it! Let's get the hell out of here

All right! You know I spoil you

All right! You know I spoil you

All right! You've got three days to earn a badge!

All right. 90210

All right. Begin. Hello, married couple. I see you found a puppy

All right. Have fun, Chris

All right. I won a watch. What's The Dukes of Hazzard?

All right. Now I want you boys to scream real loud at my ass.

All right. Robin, what are you looking at me for? Look at her.

All Scouts have to sit in the semicircle!

All set, sir.

All the shows are starting to run together

All the stuff that makes you happy..

All units! A major robbery is in progress at Quahog Bank and Trust

All you gotta do is gut it, clean it, scale it, and cook it

Although you were right about that prune smoothie.

Am I right? Who's with me?

Am I to strut about all day like a beggar child on the streets of Calcutta?

Amazing. You can barely drive a car

And a "So sage" McBiscuit, please

And a Griffin never knows when to stop

And a pack of Eldorados, unfiltered.

And as for Linda?

And as you can see, they look great

And before l knew it, l'd lost $40. l'm so embarrassed

And Brian...

And by ''reproductive organ, '' I mean the thing between your knees

And by ''sink, '' I mean your reproductive organ

And by ''the thing between your knees, '' I....

And by that I mean I'II have sex with you

And by that, I mean I'II fix your sink

And damn it, Schneider!

And did you know that Sweden gave us the brilliant inventor, Alfred Nobel?

And even though society has turned its back on you..

And everybody learns a valuable lesson.

And get the lead out, pudgy!

And Griffin, right now, your son needs you to listen to him

And he also killed a bunch of Krauts at Wounded Knee

And he always listened, you know?

And her hooters ain't bad either!

And I can't say no to Joe. Ever.

And I don't think you've got the g****s!

And I know this! Cold kills broccoli! It's so simple.

And I wish you were because we're out.

And I'm proud of you, Peter. You taught us all a valuable lesson

And I'm real sorry I forgot that, buddy.

And I'm through taking care of you and your bar buddies!

And if he's so remarkable, let's see him do this

And if that's wrong, maybe I'm missing the point of having commercials

And if they win enough tickets, they get a prize

And if you add the measure of the angles of a right triangle, the sum..

And in five seconds, you turn it into low tide at the pier

And it's gotta be a real vision

And maybe a trick or two. It'll be like taking candy from a baby.

And me, I like the sauce

And neither will that guy

And no matter what, I'll always stand by him

And now back to Action News 5. Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack

And now, one year hence, he's returning to rectify his mistake and..

And part of growing up means facing your problems head on

And she deserves better.

And so the Lord God smote poor Job..

And sure, sometimes we have arguments, like when he's sleeping on the bed and...

And that entitles me to a share of your wampum, kemosabe.

And that includes you. Understood?

And that secret is

And that time I snuck into Wimbledon

And that time I snuck into Wimbledon

And that's exactly what we're gonna do

And that's ogle your wife

And the prize goes to The von Trapp Family Singers!

And the whole family appreciates it.

And then his guiding spirit must appear to him..

And then there was that time at the ice cream store.

And there was that time I took a whiz in public

And there's a naked priest sitting there. And he..

And to think, if I hadn't taken Chris to his soccer game...

And trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples

And we love our fluffy kitty.

And what's the deal with "New" England anyway?

And when I do, Mother, victory shall be..

And when the kids at school see us on TV..

And who did?

And worst of all, I lied to my wife

And you as well!

And you just feel so good inside

And you know what that means? That means l love you.

And you know what? I'm one of them

And your family gives you love.

And your puppies' puppies? Am I the only one who's outraged here?

And, in all fairness, Star Trek was here first.

And, Meg, today she wants you to be with the family

Another beer!

Another chick flick

Anybody seen Stewie?

Anybody want more pizza rolls?

Anything on that remote lower than mute?

Apology accepted. All right, I'm going to work

Are you a woman?

Are you gonna mark me down for not flipping him off?

Are you gonna tell me, or am I gonna have to show you my ass?

Are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive?

Are you kidding? Scott fell last week.

Are you kidding? You can borrow whatever you want

Are you nuts, Peter? You'll never get away with this

Are you okay?

Are you sleeping on the job?

Are you Timmy?

Aren't you coming?

As for you, kind sage, I only hope my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm...

As long as you're not using it for firewater

As the man, I order you to give me permission to go to this party

Ass ahoy

At last! My time device is complete! Just one final adjustment. There.

At least I bought us some time

Attention, please.

AUTOMATED lNDlAN: WeIcome to our casino, paIefaces

Back to work, people

Because it's Rule 142 B!

Because it's Rule 142 B!

Because my wife makes this beef a roni casserole.

Because of an accident at the Quahog Cable Company..

Because there's a five year sleepover at the big house. And you're invited

Because we really like your car?

Because when he comes home, I want him to know he never left our thoughts.

Because when we get home, your mother is going to kill me

Before you know it, you're using my supermarket..

Believe me, Cleveland. Our wives need some time off as much as we do.

Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert

Bert, you're shouting again, Bert!

Besides CHiPs is about to start

Bicuspid! We meet again.

Big man, can't even afford to buy an air conditioner for your family.

Birthday dude? Do you want some ice cream?

Blast you and your estrogenical treachery!

Blast you, woman! Awake from your damnable reverie!

Blast!

Blast! Must be some kind of proprietary command system

Blasted matriarch!

Bo Derek!

Bonnie told me Joe is a big baseball fan. He played in college

Bonnie, it's Peter

Boo, Lois! Yay, beer!

Boring. I'll go see what else is on. Peter! Keep an eye on Stewie.

Boy, I hope Lois is watching

Boy, it sure is great being thin and popular

Boy, she's pretty pissed

Boy! A Pound Poochie!

Boy! Look

Boy. Do I know that feeling

Boy. I really let Lois down this time

Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one

Bravo, Peter. You are the Spalding Gray of crap.

Bravo!

Brian

Brian, come! Don't you walk out on me!

Brian, I'm a little worried about Peter

Brian, maybe I had you pegged wrong.

Brian, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck.

Brian, you're embarrassing me.

Brian!

Brian. You could win for sure.

Brian's tennis ball.

Build a bar! That's a great idea

Burn in hell!

But at that moment, I realized I had a whole lifetime to make new friends

But Dad

But Dad, the TV's back on

But did you have to buy breast implants for Chris?

But he doesn't even know I exist. He must think I'm a total dog.

But he wishes to know what compensation you offer

But he's the one who should be earning that badge

But hopefully not the kind who stays out all day and doesn't call..

But I can't turn time forward

But I do anyway because I am not a robot!

But I don't want to be different

But I gotta make sure Lois knows I'm doing it

But I know he only accepted that money...

But I would do anything for you, Brian.

But improvise, that'll be easier on my back.

But it interfered with my studies

But l'm really proud of you, Chris

But let my boy win this race

But Mom..

But Mommy has to clean up the house, all right?

But most Native Americans are proud..

But now it might be nice to watch other people have fun or get killed

But only one chance to get a new car. And I had to take it

But Pops, l must race! Ha ha!

But soon, and for the rest of your life

But thank God that's not the case. You're a Scout

But the law is the law and can't be circumvented by pretty words.

But the way I wear my hat..

But we should be thanking him

But we're exhausted.

But we're not allowed to return gambling losses

But what he needs to remember is that we love him

But what l can cook up is a little grace and civility at the table.

But will you be prancing when there's nothing to prance about?

But with number two on the way, Joe thought it was time to move

But would any of you take the time to help me?

But you know how lousy I am with housework

But you see, I'm in searing pain!

But your children's children will know that you fell for a noble cause

But, Dad, I thought..

But, Dad, l was supposed to build it myself. lt's a rule

But, of course. That was my victory day. The fruition of my deeply laid plans..

But... But I was gonna be a hero

Butter Rum's my favorite

Bye bye, Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you good night

Call an ambulance. She's going into labor

Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level

Can I go?

Can I see your license, boy?

Can we put her out in the yard for a while?

Can you believe that guy? "Do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?"

Can you check again?

Can you count to three? Indeed I can

Can you let me pistol whip you a couple times for the camera?

Can you spare some change?

Can't feel my eyes

Can't live without TV. Must see TV

Can't you get the money another way?

Can't you two go back to the way you used to be?

Canada sucks

Captain's log, Stardate 8169.7

CBS.

Changing the channel when something boring comes on

Charles Montrose, after all these years.

Check this out, you guys.

Children, the time of ascension has arrived.

Chris, get out of here! You're not allowed in my room.

Chris, go to your room!

Chris, l am going to stand up, walk out of this room..

Chris, that's a terrible word! "Nipple."

Chris, this is a big day for you. The day you become the man of the house

Chris, this is the speed machine that's gonna win you the soapbox derby

Chris, what are you doing here?

Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that

Chris, you're hogging up all the fans!

CHRlS: Dad, l'm hungry. Are we gonna die? Of course not

CHRlS: Look out!

Class, we were scheduled to watch a PBS program on the mating rituals..

Clear!

Clear!

Clear!

Clearly. I'm gonna put it on right now.

Clowns and petting zoos book months in advance

Cocktail parties, school functions, that time we planted trees in Jerusalem

Come along. I bet you could squeeze into Lois' lederhosen

Come back, Meg!

Come on, Baby Heimlich, spit it out

Come on, baby! Mama's gotta sparkle! It's time to make life a cabaret!

Come on, boys. Let's go hit the buffet

Come on, Brian.

Come on, Brian. I gotta get to softball practice

Come on, Brian. We had a deal.

Come on, Brian. We really need a new air conditioner.

Come on, everyone

Come on, everyone.

Come on, guys

Come on, guys. Wait up

Come on, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn

Come on, kids. Bedtime.

Come on, kids. Let's get going

Come on, llsa! Get on it!

Come on, Lois.

Come on, Lois. I hate to see you so upset

Come on, Lois. It'll still be perfect. We'll give him the best birthday ever..

Come on, move it! Oh, man! Chris, this place is great

Come on, Peter

Come on, Stewie

Come on, sugar. It's time.

Come on, Timmy! Throw the Silly Ball!

Come on, we all did stupid stuff when we were kids, right?

Come on, you bastard! I'm late for work

Come on, you guys

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! That one's not even real!

Come on. All l gotta do is have a spiritual vision

Come on. All you gotta do is a few simple commands.

Come on. Give him a little more time

Come on. Let's go

Come on. Rules were made to be broken

Come on. This thing goes up to 90

Come on. You're worrying about nothing

Come to my basement tonight and drag your husbands out of there

Come.

Compared to that, welfare fraud doesn't even matter

Congratulations in all your success. Here's your welfare check

Congratulations. It's a boy.

Cool! The bank is getting jacked!

Could've been a lot worse if the cops...

Crafty swine.

Crap

Crap!

Crap! Don't hit it to Joe

Creepy

Cute as a button...

Dad, can l come?

Dad, I was in a chat room on America Online...

Dad, maybe we should go home

Dad, maybe we should just give up. l mean, we tried everything

Dad, the Scouts are no fun. And l.... Wait a minute

Dad, watch out!

Dad, we can't leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license

Dad, what are we doing here again?

Dad, what are you doing here? I'm so embarrassed, I could die!

Dad, what are you doing? Get out of here!

Dad, what would you say if l told you l didn't want to be in the Scouts?

Dad, you don't really have to do this

Dad!

Dad? Can l talk to you?

Dad. That's your solution to everything.

Daddy, I'm sorry I ran you over and killed Mr. Shatner

Daddy, now that I've finally passed my driver's test..

Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever

Daddy's gonna make a little withdrawal

Damn it to the bowels of bloody hell!

Damn it, JuIie! I am not shacking up with my boyfriend

Damn it, JuIie. I'm a singIe mother doing the best damn job she knows how!

Damn it!

Damn it! I can't achieve transcendence by myself

Damn you all!

Damn you, vile woman!

Damn you! You're one of them, aren't you?

Damn, Schneider! What won't you say?

Damn!

Damn! What do to? Wait for it..

Dang. I got honey all over my legs.

Day 171. I've sprouted another finger, counting the one from yesterday

Deal. He can go.

Diane, that last report was so good, I think you deserve a spanking

Diarrhea.

Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls?

Did I bring the porno? You're gonna love it. It's a classic

Did someone say Tex Mex?

Did you bring the porno?

Do I know you?

Do not go until l wave my flag. l can't stress that enough

Do you have reservations?

Do you know how hard it was to get a reservation at Cheesie Charlie's?

Do you know what a vision quest is?

Do you know your phone number, son?

Do you think she'll wait for me?

Do you want to win this thing or not?

Does a dog not feel?

Does it work?

Does not every dog have his day?

Domestic disturbance..

Don't believe that. I always keep my eyes on the road

Don't do that. That's what they expect you to do.

Don't flatter yourself, honey. I don't have any sweat glands

Don't forget how badly we were humiliated last year by Pawtucket Joke and Novelties

Don't get too close. They say I'm dangerous.

Don't keep me in suspense

Don't let him sweet talk you like that.

Don't move!

Don't pout, honey. When you were born..

Don't push too hard, Peter.

Don't say that, Brian. Peter is working on your appeal.

Don't take no for an answer, Chris. You're a Griffin

Don't talk about your mother that way. She is not an iron

Don't talk like that!

Don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset.

Don't worry, Brian. I got a plan

Don't worry. He won't get far without this.

Don't worry. I got a way to get money

Don't worry. I'll get you out of this.

Don't worry. I'll still put food on this table

Don't worry. Joe's an excellent negotiator.

Don't worry. Once I'm of this body cast, I'll do enough living for me and Bill

Don't you think you should have alerted the government..

Don't you want to play first?

Double fault!

Down there?

Duckie?

Dumb broad

E flat, Salieri! E flat!

Easy, fella. That's my kid. Now apologize.

Eat up, everyone. Tonight my wife won't be the only one enjoying a pig in a blanket.

Eat with us, Brian. I made cinnamon buns.

Eating the last slice of pizza so the rest of us don't fight over it

Egads! The blueprints for my time machine!

Eight is enough.

Engage!

Enough!

Enough! The only thing worse than the wretched pain...

Even Cheesie Charlie's doesn't have a petting zoo.

Eventually, she'll find out where you're going every day.

Everyone in the tribe gets a share in the casino's profits.

Everything's all set for Stewie's birthday party.

Evidently, madam, you and l differ greatly in our conception of beauty

Excellent!

Excellent! The mind control device is nearing completion!

Excellent. The weather machine is nearly completed

Except for that one thing your mother does

Except for the jukebox in the bathroom. That was for Peter

Excuse me

Excuse me, Your Honor? Yes?

Excuse me. I've gotta go mix the punch

Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father, a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.

Face it. You're a terrible liar

Facts of Life Transformers, huh? Watch the transformation

Fantastic, Lois! l saw my guiding spirit

Fare thee well, broccoli!

Fast Animals, Slow Children

FeeI free to visit gift shop in Iobby and restaurant on second fIoor

Feels like accountants are cranking adding machines in my head

Fetch me something linen to throw on before I call Child Services!

Finally. A little recognition

Fine

Fire!

Folks in Hazzard County hadn't seen a watch fight in a long time

FONZlE: Yo, Griffin!

Football!

Football!

For $800, this chemical dye is found in over 95% of all cosmetic products.

For God's sake, Peter

For once, it was all gonna be so perfect!

For the last time, I'm not Lola! I'm Leslie Uggams!

For the love of God

For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!

Forecast for tomorrow, a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!

Forever and ever

Forget about it. I thought my leg was never gonna stop

Forget it, Mike

Forget it! False alarm!

Freak. So stay inside and stay cool.

Freedom! What do you want?

From the top, people! Why don't you just hang back and stretch?

Funny guy, Tom Hanks. Everything he says is a stitch.

Fuzzy

Gang shooting on Third and Main. Three wounded, one dead

Gather round, everyone. It's time for Stewie's big moment

Gee whiz, gang

Get away from me, you crazy animal!

Get Moby Dick off the field before he burps up a license plate!

Get out of here, you mouth breather!

Get out, you horrid woman!

Get over it, Brian. I mean, how bad do you really have it here?

Give me back my sock, you goat bastard!

Give Tammy a round of applause

Go find him, apologize, and bring him home.

Go to hell! Whoops

Go, Brian!

Go, Chris! Daddy loves you! I mean in a platonic way. I'm married

Go, cyborg!

Go!

God

God damn it

God, he can't expect Brian to do that.

God, how does he always know?

God, I hate high school. I don't fit in with anyone

God, I hate this freaking cat.

God, my life is over

God, no!

God! We gotta stop!

God. Brian, don't do this.

God. I hope the boss isn't watching.

Good God, man!

Good job, Scout

Good Lord. You saw them together, didn't you?

Good luck filling our spot by this Saturday

Good luck, sweetness.

Good morning Quahog. The heat wave has finally broken.

Good morning, Brian.

Good night, Brian. And welcome home.

Good night, you guys. Good night.

Good point.

Good to be here in New England

Good. I was afraid you were just gonna improvise

Good. Roll over.

Gosh, I'd like to help. But I've gotta go out in the hall..

Gosh. I can't separate a kid that young from his father. It's unjudgmenly

Great news! The City Council agreed to hear your case!

Great! Then all you need is a dark blue jogging suit

Great. Is there a problem, Officer?

Great. Lois is getting chummy with the new neighbors

Great. Say, you don't happen to have any picture wire, do you?

Greetings, man in white. I've been expecting you

Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snakepit

Griffin is disqualified!

Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you

Griffin, you're a madman! Barefoot, you say?

Gross. Did he just drink from the fountain?

Guess what, Mom?

Guess what, Mom? Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday

Guillermo, you're up

Guys, I want to say a toast to you, Quagmire, Cleveland...

Guys, our money problems are over! We're officially on welfare.

Guys?

Ha ha! Did you hear? The Griffins are going to New York!

Half man, half machine

Hand ball! Penalty kick, blue!

Hands off, fatty!

Have you ever felt like you're dirty?

Have you ever seen anything like this, Pat?

Have you tried showing off the goods? How's that for a mom answer?

Haven't you ever seen a stand up comedian, Lois?

Haven't you guys learned anything?

He can hit, he can throw..

He could just be another moocher.

He did curse my name just before the injection

He did?

He failed to thwart my escape into the outside world.

He found this one spot behind my ear, I..

He may even be downright stupid

He must be the hired professional of whom they spoke

He must hear the wisdom of the rocks and trees

He must remain there until he can communicate with nature

He sure gets it

He'll be here, Mr. Weed. You should see this guy in action.

He's a little cranky from teething

He's a remarkable man and the rest of your family adores him!

He's an lndian

He's broken television's hypnotic spell over us

He's cool, Dad. He killed a guy

He's cute. Aren't you precious? Lethal injection. Next!

He's going to a stag party

He's lying. There's no doubt about that

He's the law outside this house just like I'm the law inside this house.

He's up in his room sulking, Dad.

He's upstairs, resting up for his big day

He's wearing a white collared shirt, kind of big, with glasses

Hell. Hell has fire

Hello, Mother. Care to partake in one..

Hello, Mother. Hi there, sweetie.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Help me.

Help!

Help! Someone just stole my purse!

Her first words?

Here it comes

Here we are. "Come to Managua, the Mecca of mercenaries. "

Here, kitty, kitty. Come on down nice and easy.

Here, let me show you the turbo booster

Here's to family!

Hey there, little boy. Are you lost?

Hey there, little fella

Hey, Dad, let's go whack some moles!

Hey, Dad, they even got games in the bathroom

Hey, Dad.

Hey, everybody! Time to limbo!

Hey, I just suggested a line of handi capable toys, you know..

Hey, Lois

Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party..

Hey, Lois. You're just in time for the exciting conclusion

Hey, look at me. I'm walking. I'm a remarkable man

Hey, look! I fell in the pool with my clothes on!

Hey, Peter!

Hey, Petey!

Hey, Stinky. Have we got some big plans for you

Hey, there's my family

Hey, UPN

Hey, you!

Hey, you. Hit me

Hey!

Hi

Hi

Hi, honey

Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom

Hi, Mom. This is Jennifer. She gave me a ride home.

Hi. How's it going?

Hi. I'm Jennifer

Hi. I'm Meg. I live next door.

Hi. I'm William Shatner. My car broke down..

Hideo san would be honored to play for your team

Him and his crazy get rich quick schemes

Him? Yeah. He's a real lightweight

Hit it!

Hiya, Joe

Hold it

Hold it!

Hold it!

Hold it! Lois may have had her heart set on this place..

Hold up the picture. Let's see

Holy crap

Holy crap!

Holy crap! It's The Children of the Corn!

Holy crip, he's a crapple!

Homemade cinnamon buns fresh from the tube.

Honey, can't we go back to the way things used to be?

Honey, I knew everything would turn out okay

Honey, I know you're hurting.

Honey, I'm begging you. Drop Chris off at his soccer game..

Honey, I'm begging you. Drop Chris off at his soccer game..

Honey, I'm doing the dishes

Honey, if there's something wrong, you can tell me

Honey, it's not gonna go away just because you don't like it

Honey, sagging lips are just nature's way..

Honey. I took a cab home, I slept on the table..

Hong Kong Phooey!

Hot enough for you?

Hot!

How about a little me time?

How are you coming, Johnson?

How come you're still setting a place for Brian?

How could you let me down like that, Brian?

How cute. It's a time machine!

How dare I? Where do you think you're going?

How dare you fill my head with such loathsome propaganda?

How dare you upset me this close to showtime!

How dare you! That book may hold the key to my enslaving of all mankind

How dare you?

How do you know?

How hilarious is that? That is so Peter Griffin

How hot is it?

How ironic

How long do these vision quests usually take?

How much are we getting?

How was your shower?

How'd she take it?

How's your job search going?

Hurry! Joe! All right! Yes, vamos!

I ain't saying nothing! All right, it was Jimmy the Hat!

I almost walked right into that one

I also like Radiohead

I also miss my nads

I am just going away for the weekend.

I am the man of the house

I asked you to fix that damn sink two days ago!

I beg your pardon?

I bet he also didn't tell you he never helps me around the house.

I bet your gums are still sore

I build stuff and I have a criminal record.

I built that thing so my friends..

I can finally afford to give my little girl the lips she's always dreamed of

I can fix that

I can make pretend like the children are little bugs in my web

I can use that crude device to amplify my deadly signal

I can't believe he's almost a year old.

I can't believe I let Meg take the blame. You were right, Lois. TV is evil

I can't believe I punched a woman

I can't believe my dad is in there

I can't believe you just sold out your own daughter

I can't believe you'd put your family before your own daughter!

I can't leave the premises. They're monitoring my every move.

I can't taste salt.

I can't wait to build one of these of my own

I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor!

I confirmed everything with the birthday party planner..

I could've broken my neck.

I could've sworn his favorite was "treat Peter like crap" buns.

I could've. That man has got magic fingers

I couldn't.

I did not see that coming

I did not! Forget it

I didn't have gas for the first time until I was 30

I didn't want to overload her on her first time out

I didn't wreck TV! My dad did!

I do them because I love my family

I don't believe this

I don't believe this.

I don't care what it is! That guy's ruining a perfectly good game of football!

I don't get it

I don't get it.

I don't have any change. Sorry.

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know how much longer I can last

I don't know how those two manage to be so perky in the morning.

I don't know how to thank you.

I don't know what we'd do without you.

I don't know what's more questionable, your pitching arm or Bill Clinton's integrity

I don't know, Peter. Lips are one thing

I don't know. I can't imagine choosing life over television

I don't know. I mean I don't even know where my papers are.

I don't know. I saw the one chance..

I don't know. Like, around 98, 99.

I don't make the rules, honey. Now rev your engine twice

I don't miss a thing. We now return to Star Trek

I don't need your damn leash, or you!

I don't suppose you could let us off with a warning?

I don't think I can do this.

I don't think I'm in the right place

I don't think so.

I don't think that's the expression.

I don't think you should use the word "freak".

I don't think your wife would appreciate that

I don't wanna be like everyone else

I don't want any trouble.

I don't want to impose

I dropped her off an hour ago

I enjoyed it so much, I thought we'd eat again tomorrow

I feel great! I haven't got a job in the world.

I feel kind of bad, guys. I promised my wife I wouldn't drink

I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Peter

I figured the sooner I cashed the check...

I gave the money back. Why are you still steamed?

I get all the channels on this thing

I got a deposit check for my kid's party right here

I got a new dress

I got another one where Natalie's one of those spittin' lizards from Jurassic Park.

I got beer.

I got cash! I'll take it!

I got fired off of that commercial

I got him. Oh, thank God

I got it. That's the guy from Big. Tom Hanks, that's it

I got shortstop.

I got you a little something for the show.

I got you your own jester

I gotta get out of here!

I gotta make things right for Lois and get this monkey off my back

I guess being a hero isn't always about saving lives and catching bad guys

I guess I had too many bloody marys this morning. But anyway...

I guess I screwed it up. I cheated the government

I guess I was just tired of him being your hero

I guess that one's kind of seIf expIanatory

I guess there's nothing left but the birthday cake

I guess you all think that's pretty silly

I guess you're right

I had to book it the day of my ultrasound.

I hate lying to Lois. It's just..

I hate to see you so upset

I have 13 tickets now

I have a Barney pen in my purse.

I have AIDS

I have nothing to say to you, Peter

I haven't even told you the other reason your piano's down here.

I haven't played Bingo in years!

I haven't seen Meg this happy since that bus broke down..

I hear that Manson guy watches it in jail all day long

I hired Guillermo because I believe he'll be an asset to our company...

I hope you brought your striped pajamas, boys

I just hope she accepts my peace offering.

I just want to be.

I just want you to know I rob banks..

I just wanted to keep my bar

I just..

I know how hard you've been working.

I know how you feel, pumpkin. I've had my share of disappointments, too.

I know it's silly...

I know that for some of you, your motor skills are not developed

I know what I did was wrong. And I know it's not the first time I've embarrassed you.

I know what I did was wrong. But I only did it for you and the kids

I know you all hate eggplant, but..

I know you can't understand what I'm going through

I know you don't like broccoli, Stewie, but you'll thank me..

I know you're thinking about him, too, Peter.

I know. I've admired you in the garden from afar

I know. It's just that I really like that guy over there

I know. Let's play a little game called Taking the Fall for Daddy.

I know. That's why I bought this T shirt.

I let you down? Because I refused to demean myself...

I love singing! And I will continue to sing!

I love throwing up

I love you too, honey

I love you.

I may have been born with my eyes closed, but now I see the world for what it is.

I mean, a party couldn't be any better if Jesus himself showed up

I mean, I'm so bored, I can't even watch TV anymore.

I mean, sorry, honey

I miss my mom. Me, too

I must complete my time machine, move time forward, and end this agony!

I must escape this infernal babble!

I must prepare for my journey

I need a cocktail.

I need an event with thousands of people

I need you to look after Stewie while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!

I need you to look after Stewie while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!

I never knew anyone who went crazy before except my invisible friend..

I now command you to leave.

I offer you the opportunity to join me in glorious battle.

I promise you, everything's fine. You got nothing to worry about.

I promised Loretta I was gonna trim the hedges and be tender with her.

I remember when I tried to sneak into an R rated movie

I require a window seat and an in flight Happy Meal

I S U C K E D! Sucked!

I said "runt

I saw some cute dresses down the street

I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces?

I see somebody's been neutered

I sent her a little something for the baby.

I shall call you "Eduardo

I should go. We'll be waiting downstairs whenever you're ready.

I should still take down your information.

I spent all morning cleaning up the house.

I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading

I stole $10 from Meg's room!

I stole $10 from Mom's purse!

I sure am gonna miss being rich.

I sure hope candy comes out of that

I swear I didn't know. Maybe they won't hit a lot of balls to him

I tell you, all of the rumors about dropping the soap are true

I think I saw one of her nipples!

I think I'm a little sweaty.

I think not!

I thought being a hero would be all fun and games

I thought I could win money in that talent show

I thought maybe I crossed the line when I asked to borrow a screwdriver

I thought we were gonna rumble with those greasy Sharks

I thought you people were supposed to be jolly

I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs..

I thought you were gonna spend all night at Joe's

I told her she was fat.

I understand we're getting a terrific bargain here

I want to get the hell out of here!

I want to hear it!

I wanted you to play it

I was a virgin when we met. It took him three hours

I was born in a little town called Quahog

I was giving a piano lesson.

I was gonna call them. But my favorite episode..

I was just a 15 year old girl

I was just nervous. Tonight'll be better

I was sent by my smart, beautiful, and still sexually appealing wife, Lois.

I was teaching her to drive and she lost control of the car

I was thinking up.

I wasn't just blowing smoke when I bought this T shirt

I will, during the commercials

I win every time! I get to go, right?

I wish I could make the pain go away sooner.

I won't fall for this trick

I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to now

I wonder what the guys are up to?

I would like to cite the case of Plessy v. Ferguson...

I would really feel better if I got your information.

I would've brought it over myself if I wasn't under house arrest.

I wouldn't have won silver in Nagano, had you not driven me..

I'd like to hang around with you. But Lois needs me at home

I'II fix your sink, Miss Romano

I'll ask you one more time

I'll be on the veranda since you're already on the cross.

I'll be on your bed. No calls

I'll buy us the most expensive meal we've ever had

I'll chalk that up to the heat, mister.

I'll change in the car.

I'll defend myself, and the hell with all of you!

I'll get him. If you see Meg, tell her to take plenty of pictures.

I'll get us the best help there is.

I'll give you a hint

I'll give you a shiny dime if you'll roll me into the nearest lake.

I'll give you each $20.

I'll give you whatever you want! Money! Women! Men?

I'll keep that in mind

I'll need the checkbook in the morning.

I'll never be able to face Lois

I'll not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans

I'll point him in your direction.

I'll show you who's the life of the party

I'll take you home, honey

I'll teach you how to drive some other time. Pull over

I'm a changed man, Lois. A better man

I'm a little gun shy after what happened last time.

I'm a paying customer.

I'm a second class citizen, Lois.

I'm afraid I'm no good for you! The first rule of war is know thine enemy

I'm already a total outcast because of you!

I'm already shvitzing like crazy here. Let's call it a night.

I'm as good as fired

I'm being told it's a man and his dog throwing cash out of a blimp.

I'm cold

I'm free! Free from the spell of those diabolical Teletubbies!

I'm glad he's on our side!

I'm glad you could join us. We're gonna have a great time on our trip

I'm going for a walk.

I'm going for the high score!

I'm going to Stop 'N Shop for some sweet corn

I'm gonna have to ask you to lie down on the sidewalk. Down!

I'm gonna push a hoop with a stick down a dirt road

I'm here to bring you...

I'm into Garbage, Phish, Blur

I'm looking for a guy to entertain the kids at my son's birthday

I'm Meg.

I'm not sure what you're... I don't follow you.

I'm on to you. Your pathetic attempts to hinder my work have not gone unnoticed.

I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.

I'm so nervous

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry.

I'm so tired. This morning's fly fishing really wore me out

I'm sorry I've been so selfish.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm sorry, Mom

I'm sorry, sugar.

I'm sorry. Enjoy your dinner.

I'm sorry. Joe is a great guy

I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that. I'm afraid all that's left is untimely death.

I'm supposed to be the hero

I'm sure he'll find a way to cope

I'm sure I can find a position for you somewhere

I'm teaching a piano lesson in half an hour. Maybe your father can take you.

I'm telling you, it's great, Bill

I'm telling you, just be the girl you think everyone else wants you to be

I'm up to 11.

I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper. I've six armed men outside Big Bird's nest.

I've been making counterfeit $10 bills for years.

I've been trying. That's why I went on that game show.

I've broken my pencil!

I've done lots of things to help people.

I've got an army to raise, and I must get to Nicaragua.

I've hired a professional to make sure everything goes just right.

Idiot! If you don't find a ringer to replace Guillermo, you're fired!

If every woman dumped her husband...

If I can't drive, I'll never have a boyfriend, never get married..

If I had a nickel for every time one of my parents walked out..

If I haven't seen it, it's new to me.

If I take the blame, he'll buy me a convertible when I get my license

If I walk through you, does that mean, like, we've done it?

If I wanted to marry Lola Falana, I would have

If I'm to defeat him, I shall require professional forces

If Lois were my woman, I'd keep an eye on her.

If nothing else, it'll make you feel better. Come on, you guys

If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's gonna blame me!

If that slut wants full custody of the kids, she's got it

If we want the cops to take us seriously, we have to waste a hostage. But who?

If you cared about me, you'd never ask me to do something so degrading.

If you catch eyes with the guy next to you at a red light, you gotta race him

If you ever tell anyone about that, I will kill you.

If you help me out of here, I know a meadow where..

If you pull a party out of your ass, you'll want to stand up

If you scratch him, does his leg not shake?

If you want to be a hero, now might be a good time

If you win, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license

If you won, we could use that money for a new air conditioner.

If you won't share your technological schemata with me peaceably..

If your ringer doesn't arrive soon, you can spend every day with them..

In fact, she always says the best memories she has are when you kids were born

In the whole world, you say?

Instead of moving time forward to bypass this wretched teething...

Is anybody home?

Is that so? Let me tell you something

Is that what this is all about?

Is that what you want? Because I'll stop.

Is that your boy?

Is the doggie going bye bye? I'm so sad.

Isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"? You wanted me and Meg to bond

Isn't baseball great?

Isn't he adorable playing with his Sesame Street phone?

It all rests on that man's broad, rippling shoulders!

It already has

It appears the witless provider has finally brought me something of value

It does keep the Black Knight at bay.

It is so hot out there!

It makes him happy

It means you're becoming a man.

It sounds like you don't want to go home. Are you running away?

It sucks, Brian. I've already been through two jobs this week

It sure has. You know what they say, "If you don't like...

It sure was. In this next blooper from Joanie Loves Chachi..

It was absolutely amazing

It was Christmas Eve and some presents had been stolen

It was slipping everywhere. Guys were laughing

It was sunny a moment ago, but now it's pouring!

It was super swell meeting you. Bye, Meg. Friends forever

It was supposed to be a clam cake buffet, but... Never mind

It was time to tell the truth

It was you.

It's a boy!

It's a girl!

It's a moat

It's a pheasant!

It's a pleasure, Lois

It's also about just being there for the people you love

It's always a nice day with two scoops of raisins, Peter

It's another bunch of people that'd rather fake death...

It's been a whole week since I seen a TV show

It's been so wonderful having you home all week

It's cool

It's delightful

It's difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach, isn't it?

It's easier than it looks, Mom.

It's exquisite.

It's Glen Quagmire, the wacky next door neighbor

It's good tasting and good for you.

It's good to have you home, Peter

It's Italian. Do you like it?

It's just Stewie's birthday

It's just... It's not healthy

It's like a carpet in there

It's nice that your family is here

It's not for every day.

It's not too hard to see why. He's a hero. He makes the world a better place

It's not what you do that defines the quality of your life..

It's okay, Stewie

It's on.

It's over 200 years old! Last time I checked, that's not that new

It's some kind of crazy money rain!

It's step kick, step twirl

It's the best way to keep her from the truth.

It's your birthday, dude.

It's your job to watch for toys that could be hazardous to kids

Jackass.

Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the fire chamber..

Jeez

Jeez

Jeez

Jeez, Brian! That's a great idea!

Jeez, fella

Jeez, first he takes my friends. Then he takes my job

Jeez, Lois. I spent all morning on a boat..

Jeez, look at the time! Come on

Jeez. How the hell am I gonna break this to Lois?

Jeez. I'm sorry, honey. I'd help you clean it up

Jeez. We're screwed! Look, I promise if we get out of this alive...

Jell O. How exotic! l feel like l'm on the deck of the QE II.

Jessica Fletcher! Why I haven't seen you since you had the...

******* guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar

Joe has the most wonderful idea

Joe, it's Peter! He's in trouble!

Joe, you have to meet our new neighbor, Lois Griffin.

Joe, you're exactly the kind of man we need at our company

Joe, you're so funny.

John, we're in commercial

Joyce DeWitt? So that's where you've been.

Just like the Kennedys

Just not as much. So it might get a little competitive

Just once. The 1975 Cotton Bowl. This is the old "trying to make amends..

Just this morning you said they were lazy like the dirty Mexicans. Just kidding

Justice, for all? Or for some?

Keep going. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, flip me off. Good boy.

Kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty..

L 17. Darn it

L brought your Raffi tape

L can't believe we're going to New York

L can't. l don't want to disappoint him again.

L come from a long line of you people

L could swear l parked here

L did, Peter, for a couple of minutes. Then...

L didn't know anyone in this family had any talent

L didn't know you knew how to play poker

L don't want to be a Scout, Dad. l just don't have fun there

L don't want to be in the Scouts anymore. l just want to draw

L finally get my driver's license and you lose the car to a poker machine

L got a surprise for you, Chris

L got it. l'll just get Brian to wire us some money

L guess we've lost touch with our noble roots

L have to confer with the council of the elders. You wait here

L mean, Chief Grand Cherokee. He was a rainmaker

L mean, sure this casino's brought our tribe money and prosperity

L probably don't say this often enough.

L say, ''Hot enough for you?''

L shall give her a piece of my mind!

L sort of bet our car.

L think it's great that you and Chris've been spending so much time together

L think l'll manage

L think you can make an exception in our case, Lenny. See, l'm an lndian, too.

L thought that was just when you were asleep

L want a spiritual vision, too! Man!

L want to lay a little personal truth on you.

L was kinda hoping you could tell Dad. But try and open with a joke

L won't panic. l need to go back in the casino..

L'd say come again? And then l'd laugh because l said ''come

L'll be fine. l just have to concentrate on driving.

L'll give extra piano lessons on Sundays

L'll wave it once just to show you how it looks

L'm calling that troop leader. We're going over his head

L'm David Bowie

L'm gonna ask someone for directions. Meg, watch Stewie.

L'm playing the world's smallest violin, Scott

L'm sorry to hear about your misfortune

L'm sorry, Peter. l feel so foolish

L've had one before

Ladies, this Saturday at 0800 there will be a soapbox derby..

Lady, for God's sake, I'm just a hard shelled chocolate candy! Get help!

Last guy who lived next door borrowed my toaster. Never saw it again.

Last night I woke up and he was channel surfing through static

Last week, someone lost an eye at Bingo.

LENNY AND LOlS: Excuse me?

Let me finish the story, fellas. You don't want to be up all night

Let me see if I can find you a juice box.

Let us see how the constitution of American justice fares..

Let's get out of here!

Let's go, Meg

Let's hear it for Joe!

Let's just have a nice family car ride like we always do.

Let's see what we have in stock.

Let's see. $150 a week.

Let's see. Grenades, mace, baggy full of Cheerios..

Let's see. Shirts, pants... I'm missing another sock.

Let's take off our shoes and run home barefoot!

Let's throw up

Lf you'll excuse me, l've got to administer some spankings

Lie to her. It's okay to lie to women. They're not people like us

Lifetime

Light growing dimmer. Can't breathe. Beam me up, God.

Like a really impossible stunt to prove he's the real deal

Like it was an instrument. I'm telling you the truth

Like when we were dating. That oughta take your mind off the guys

Listen, I don't want any more trouble

Listen, Ilsa. If I take this thing out...

Listen, pal..

Listen, the whole reason I saved you guys today was so I could be a hero.

Listen. You're a one of a kind girl with a mind of her own.

Little bastards ain't as smart as..

Ln fact, sweetie, that's sort of how you were created

Lois

Lois and the kids should be in here to see this

Lois has knitting, Chris has video games, Meg's learning how to drive

Lois loves her family. Lois loves her family

Lois, am I glad to see you.

Lois, honey, I love you...

Lois, I don't want those people there

Lois, I work hard all week to provide for this family

Lois, if Liza is wrong, then I don't want to know what right is.

Lois, that Cheesie Charlie's is no good. See, it happened like this

Lois, this is really hard for me to say, but..

Lois, we just had dinner

Lois, you are a wonderful woman

Lois, you make it sound like I don't appreciate you at all

Lois, you won't believe this! Meg just said "Da Da!"

Lois! You've got a sick mind!

LOlS: ''lt seems today that all you see

LOlS: Peter, please don't do this. We can buy another car

Look at Stewie

Look at the time

Look at those morons and their stupid glasses

Look everyone, Stewie drew a picture for his mommy

Look, a bow tie

Look, all Brian's ever wanted is the same respect he gives us.

Look, at least promise me you won't drink. Alcohol always leads to trouble

Look, buddy. Just go in the pan. And don't call me unless you're flatlining

Look, Chris. lt's a whole family of WASPs

Look, I don't want your mom to worry, all right?

Look, I got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers

Look, it's been two years!

Look, Lois, he broke his promise to me. Besides, we have a new pet.

Look, Lola. This whole thing is just going way too fast for me.

Look, my husband may be a bit thoughtless at times

Look, you got everything you could possibly want right here.

Look! A tasty little baby!

Look. The point is, he's a member of our family first and a dog second.

Looks like some boob's about to get lynched. Let's watch

Looks like we're getting some rain here tonight, John

Lordy, I'll never roam again!

Lt depends on the person's age, and height, and sign.

Lt felt so good. l kept putting my money in

Lt just seemed like such a good cause

Lt says ''Ooooo.''

Lt varies

Lt was amazing! l spoke to the trees. And l saw the Fonz

Lt'll have to wait. This is where the Fonz goes...

Lt's funny. l never knew video poker could be so much fun

Lt's like Prague sans the whimsy

Lt's okay, Dad. l'm not really

Machiavelli! You've told me nothing I don't already know!

Machine, I am your new master and I order you to go!

Man

Man, he loved to play with this thing.

Man, I hate it when he tells this story

Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day

Man, you neighbors are like viruses. Starts with a screwdriver

Man!

Man. I hope this works. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to start dropping these

Man. My kid must've taped over this for history class

Man. What'll I do if I get fired? I'll have to go back to my old job..

Man. Your clock won't flush.

Mark my words, when you least expect it, your uppance will come!

Mary, have you seen Nicholas?

May I have one on a plate or is Peter planning to balance it on my nose?

Maybe he's right. We can make a new start

Maybe I should make him a sandwich.

Maybe one song.

Maybe somebody down there was drinking, too.

Maybe we can put him through a test

Maybe we could just sit and watch some TV together?

Maybe we will

Maybe you really don't care about this family.

Me and Chris will take ours to go

Me and Cleveland are gonna "amscray."

Me and the little shred of dignity I have left will be waiting in the car!

Me love you long time

Me neither

Meanwhile, here at home...

Meg loves Kevin.

Meg, clean out the shower the next time you shave your legs

Meg, finish your pancakes.

Meg, honey, are you okay? Yeah, I think so

Meg, honey, can you pass the fired my ass for negligence?

Meg, it's not exactly taking the blame if you go around telling everyone

Meg, our entire family is going to be here for Stewie's party.

Meg, take Stewie upstairs

Meg, that's it. This day is more for your mom than it is for Stewie

Meg, there you are

Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart

Meg, you don't need to change the way you look.

Meg, you have the coolest family

Meg, you made a friend

Meg, you seem sad. Today's a happy day

Meg, you're a sweet, lovely girl. He'll come around

Meg, you're home late.

Meg, your mother wants the family together today.

Meg!

Meg! You vile smelling girl, you're not to touch any of my things!

Meg?

Meg's not here. She went to a friend's house

Merry Christmas, Timmy

Mintos, the Freshmaker.

Mistrial, damn you! Mistrial!

Mom says she was really on last night.

Mom, are you all right?

Mom, can I turn the heat up?

Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket

Mom, Dad, I reaIIy Iike Potsie.

Mom, have you ever had a problem with freshness?

Mom, I can't even tell where "over" is.

Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections?

Mom, what do you do when you like a boy but he doesn't even notice you?

Mom, will you take me out to practice driving?

More than I hate spinach, traffic jams, and the last few years of M* A*S*H.

Moving is never easy on a family

Mr

MR. CUNNlNGHAM: We heard you the first time

Mr. Griffin, have you learned a lesson?

Mr. Griffin, I think your words have touched us all

Mr. Griffin, this dog is a danger to society.

Mr. Griffin. I am terribly sorry

Mr. President, why do you think the public supports you..

Mr. Weed, I got a great idea for a new line of TV action figures

Mr. Weed, I've been working on the new G.I. Jew line

Must eat. Haven't snacked in hours

Must kill Lincoln

My blind guy's in the john.

My children, rejoice. The hour of transformation is close at hand

My collagen is wearing off

My foot! I can't walk! I guess you'll have to take Chris yourself.

My friend Jennifer invited me to hang out with her friends

My God

My God!

My God! You got fired?

My God.

My God. I hit William Shatner

My God. Your hair is so beautiful. I just want to brush it

My goodness. This chair leg was loose

My great grandfather's name was Jeep Grand Cherokee

My house arrest is over, Brian. Round up the guys.

My mother used to use whiskey whenever I had a toothache.

My parents don't like me listening to that stuff

My thing went off! Your thermostat okay?

My tooth hurts!

My whole family worships the ground that guy can't walk on

My, aren't we fussy tonight. Okay. No broccoli

My, Margaret. What a sub par ham

My, your summer coat is really coming in nicely. Isn't it, Peter?

Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers!

Next, Peter Griffin and his dog, "Brain".

Nice going, Mom

Nice try

No

No

No

No

No

No answer at the house. You didn't bet that, too, did you?

No dessert for you, young man

No one even says thank you. But when the band starts playing and...

No problem

No problem. I cannot wait to taste this cake

No problem. That's what neighbors do

No problem. We got money to get that fixed..

No toys, Stewie

No way, Dad. No one can take Brian's place.

No way. We came to get you back into the Scouts

No you're not, honey. What about that fat girl from the Judds?

No, damn it! Take 26!

No, don't go

No, I don't want to miss the all you can eat schnitzel bar

No, I haven't seen Peter all afternoon.

No, I hit your dad

No, I mean it. That was me.

No, I'm not!

No, I've heard them all.

No, it's not all right!

No, Mom. I mean, I reaIIy Iike Potsie

No, no. He can't take that away from me

No, not silicone. Silicon. And the design of the device..

No, of course you didn't, you worthless little...

No, thank you. I just had it cleaned.

No, thanks. l've been to New York

No, thanks. See, that's the worst we got is Jemima's Witnesses.

No, you imbecile! That's not talc! That's paprika!

No!

No!

No!

No! It's a..

No! Nothing to see here

No. A 6

No. But I'm proud of you for getting your license, sweetheart

No. Don't think so

No. I don't want anything to do with neighbors

No. I just rented it. But they're gonna be ticked

No. It's a map of Europe

No. It's not the same thing. Joe puts himself in real danger every day

No. Jeez.

No. Let him go.

No. Minority scholarship

No. There's a bug in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate him

Nobody's going anywhere!

Not a drop of alcohol is gonna touch these lips tonight

Not a word to your mom about me getting canned.

Not all of them. Some of these look pretty good

Not another welfare scam?

Not anymore, Dad. l'm out

Not at all

Not before the rest of us!

Not drugs. Just a little blue thing celebrities take to help them perform.

Not him again. I hope this place isn't wheelchair accessible

Not necessarily. Maybe I'm like their one millionth customer

Not now, son!

Not really.

Not tightly enough it would seem. And now you contemptible harpy..

Not without seven years of ballet and two of jazz tap, we're not

Nothing about this adds up at all!

Nothing says "I love you" like something from...

Nothing. Just all my friends are eye humping my wife.

Now before we go..

Now get the hell out of here, you nut, and go have yourself a spiritual vision.

Now hang on a second there!

Now I don't know, after the emotional trauma I've endured..

Now I shall negate ever having drawn those damnable blueprints

Now just eat your cinnamon bun and stop being a bad dog.

Now look here, you...

Now on the Russian MiG, it's next to the altimeter.

Now that I'm a free man, we can do anything we want

Now that's a woman!

Now we can see the world for what it is...

Now why don't you go tie yourself up to that parking meter?

Now you shouldn't be frightened, Stewie

Now you're addicted to heroin

Now your mom is counting on us to drop off the deposit

Now, Chris, now let's not panic. We can manage just fine without TV

Now, Chris, we're not here for fun.

Now, I offer one last chance for deliverance.

Now, kids, your father's just trying to spend time with his family

Now, listen to me, Jolene

Now, Mr. C was like a father to me

Now, who's with me?

Of course l do. l'm an lndian

Of course l.... No

Of course, no one can see this news program..

Officer, my husband's in there!

Oh, boy

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God. I know karate!

Oh, God. I left it on my other collar.

Oh, he's gay. You wish!

Oh, how hard can it be to pitch?

Oh, how hard..

Oh, man. I hate those guys

Oh, man. This is the life. Hand me another one of them..

Oh, my God, Brian. There's a message in my Alpha Bits.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Is it twins?

Oh, my God! My baby is drunk!

Oh, my God! Peter, you bought the statue of David?

Oh, no! Perhaps I can! Of course! I'll simply build a machine..

Oh, no. Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice

Oh, perfect

Oh, princess, we have to.

Oh, sorry, Father.

Oh, what? Is the baby coming out of him? Jeez, I'll pitch.

Oh, yes. Peter should be back any minute..

Okay

Okay

Okay

Okay

Okay girls, get ready..

Okay, disability claim

Okay, do you have any disabilities, past injuries, physical anomalies?

Okay, drop it!

Okay, everybody, I feel really bad about what I did. I just..

Okay, everybody. For my next miracle, I'm gonna turn water into funk

Okay, fine for you. But what about your puppies?

Okay, guys. I got another one

Okay, guys. Thank you. You can stop pretending now

Okay, here you go, honey

Okay, honey. l'll go get your teddy bear.

Okay, I did it

Okay, I mean sexual harassment suit.

Okay, I'll call the parents and let them know the party's here.

Okay, in this improv, Tammy and the short robber are husband and wife

Okay, Joe, you got me. Rise and shine. Come on

Okay, let's go over the commands.

Okay, look. Dad is really easy. All you have to do is sit on his lap...

Okay, man. Okay. You are really throwing me off

Okay, okay. I heard pet store. And I'm the gruff but lovable owner

Okay, so a ******* guy and a Chinese guy walk into a bar, right?

Okay, taxpayers, here you go!

Okay, then. Have fun, sweetheart.

Okay, time for batting practice, my Happy Go Lucky Toy Boys.

Okay, who's hungry?

Okay, yes. My husband is responsible for knocking out TV

Okay.

Okay. Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance..

Okay. I hope he doesn't need changing

Okay. l'm thinking of a movie

On three. One, two...

Once it's built, of course.

One can only imagine what foul regions that finger has erstwhile probed!

One day I shall unlock the secret of that device

One more push, Lois

One time I did that!

One time I walked into the locker room, I swear he was bench pressing Mr. Weed.

One, please

One! Two! Three!

OnIy about the veaI!

Or do you?

Or kill us. I'm not sure which

Or maybe I should arrest you for being too beautiful

Or takes me out to dinner. Or notices when I get my hair done

Our leader is here to take us on our journey!

Out of this world.

Out!

Over there.

Ow! Knock it off!

Pack your bags, you guys! The Griffins are hitting the Big Apple!

Pat, I would like to solve the puzzle. "Go tuck yourself in

Pat, it's safe to say that all these fans came out here..

Patty, did you know that your mother is a whore?

Peek a boo! I see you!

Peep show? I just do this for fun. Look, all day long I scrub and cook...

Perhaps l can't bake a ham

Perhaps. Do you have a mind that seeks enlightenment..

Pervert!

Peter

Peter, are you feeling okay?

Peter, Brian, please.

Peter, Brian, stop this.

Peter, don't stare!

Peter, having me sing was your idea in the first place

Peter, how can we afford this?

Peter, I do my Jane Fonda workout tape three times a week

Peter, I don't do those things because I enjoy them

Peter, I invited Joe and Bonnie to your game on Saturday

Peter, I know it's a dangerous precedent..

Peter, I like you. But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here

Peter, I'm appalled

Peter, I'm holding hooters

Peter, I'm holding melons

Peter, I'm not really comfortable with all this.

Peter, I'm talking about making love.

Peter, I'm thrilled that you want to spend so much time with the family

Peter, in the 17 years that we've been married..

Peter, it's 7:00 and you've still got your pants on. What's the occasion?

Peter, Joe is a hero. But he's not our hero.

Peter, make yourself useful. Go get Joe a drink

Peter, our new secret weapon is this very attractive paraplegic?

Peter, take that thing off and come home

Peter, that's wonderful!

Peter, the car is making funny noises

Peter, the circus is terrific. But it's not just Stewie's birthday.

Peter, there's a naked man on this cake

Peter, they might be very nice people.

Peter, this could be our last first birthday ever.

Peter, this is the most wonderful celebration I could have imagined

Peter, those are Cheerios

Peter, we're lost

Peter, what the hell is the matter with you?

Peter, what's the big rush?

Peter, what's the big surprise?

Peter, what's the matter with you?

Peter, when was the last time you told me you love me?

Peter, why don't you just admit you miss Brian?

Peter, you are in the zone.

Peter, you had us so worried. What on earth were you trying to prove?

Peter, you lied to me, you betrayed my trust

Peter, you may have to return that money to the taxpayers

Peter, you might want to call the Welfare Commission

Peter, you're behind all this?

Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car?

Peter, you're scaring me. I'm beginning to think you're losing your grip on reality

Peter, you've only got a couple of hours left

Peter!

Peter!

Peter! There's a king in the cards!

Peter! What?

Peter? Chris? Thank God

Picture wire? You son of a bitch.

Pigs, Chris. We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo

Plans? What the devil are you talking about?

Play WheeIs on the Bus and get the hell out of my sight

Please don't make me angry, pal. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry

Please don't threaten Mommy. She's very hot.

Please God, l don't ask you for much

Please, Brian.

Please. My road test is tomorrow and you haven't taught me anything.

Poor kid. What a senseless war

Practice? I thought we'd go next door and welcome our new neighbors

Pretend you like it no matter how bad it stinks

Probably because you're so fat.

Pull over now. Fine.

Pull over, you bastard!

Put me down, you blunderbuss!

Put me through to the Pentagon

Quagmire? What are you doing here?

Quahog can be pretty exciting, too

Quick! Back up!

Quite a situation we've got here, Tom

Quite a situation we've got here, Tom, indeed, Diane

Reach for the sky, dirtbag!

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? Daddy! Now I love you again!

Really? Let's hope the judge feels that way

Really? What's the Fonz like? l bet he's stuck up.

Really? You could probably just buff that out.

Remember the time I sang to the kids at the Sunday school?

Remember when I tried doing the laundry?

Remember when you got drunk off the Communion wine at church?

Remember you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?

Remember your trip to the Southwest?

Report of a stabbing in..

Rest assured, you relentless harridan, I expect I shall finish them all off!

Return my mind control device or be destroyed

Right here!

Right here.

Right now it's bedtime

Right, Peter?

Right. Dispense the refreshments

Right. Okay. We'll try it your way, honey

Run for your lives!

Run, you stupid bastards!

Rupert, did you call that engineer at Lockheed yet?

Sadly, you will be used as decoys

Saturday's gonna be real special, honey.

SCHNElDER: Yeah. AII the away

Screw this! I just came over to buy some fireworks!

See I have that disease where stuff pops out of your mouth

See that sign?

See you at the game, Joe

See, Lois, the guys would've found that hilarious

See, this is why I ask you to submit everything to me in writing first

Shall we bite the tongue then?

She got her arm shot off in Vietnam

She has failed once again to replenish this frigid box with potations

She sells seashells down by the...

She sure does

She wants you to meet them. She's always making me be social

She'll probably sense something's amiss when they repossess your house

She's a little slow in the head.

She's a smokin' little pistol, isn't she?

She's a whiny little runt, isn't she?

She's right. All the hours we've wasted on that damn idiot box

Shouldn't you be in the middle of a Tuscadero sandwich?

Showtime!

Shut up, you big sack of dog vomit!

Silence, you contemptible shrew!

Silence!

Silence! Ever since you two met, you've done nothing but wax idiotic!

Since when are you so concerned about our food budget?

Sing it

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave

Sir, our prices are set by the corporate office

Sit.

Smoking

So are you gonna give me back my car, or what?

So do you like music?

So if anyone's gonna bust me, I'm glad it's you

So instead, we're having a surprise test.

So l don't get hurt

So let's just deliver the check and..

So let's sit back and get lost in a world of California Highway Patrol fantasy!

So much fun it should be illegal like copyright infringement.

So she's the murderer!

So the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb, is he?

So, broccoli, Mother says you're very good for me

So, don't think you always have to bug me

So's mine

Soccer moms!

Some day

Some people might find it offensive.

Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's

Somebody's got to die with me

Somebody's gotta put food on this table

Something near a window. Preferably a booth.

Something smells good.

Something that everybody cares about

Something troubling you, Peter?

Sometimes we all need a second chance.

Sometimes we all need to forgive!

Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! There it goes again

Son of a bitch. I'm on my way

Son, why don't you just stick a knife in my heart?

Sorry, honey. I must've lost track of the time

Sorry, I promised the wife and kids I'd..

Sorry, Lois

Sorry, Meg.

Sorry, Meg. Daddy loves you. But Daddy also loves Star Trek

Sorry, Mom. I'm gonna need to see some ID.

Sorry, pooch. You gotta sleep outside. No dogs allowed in the bus station.

Sorry, sir. But leash laws are for his own good.

Sorry, Stewie

Sorry, Timmy. But you need 15 tickets to live

Sorry, Wonder Woman. I got three kings. Now let's see your pair

Sorry.

Sorry. I don't do dog shows. It's not my thing.

Sorry. What is Diarrhea?

Speed, you should not race! Ha ha!

Splendid.

Stand back. Give her some air

Stay!

Stewart Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing!

Stewie, I expect you to finish off your vegetables

Stewie, I said no toys at the table

Stewie, I thought I tucked you in an hour ago.

Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert

Stewie, make a wish. If you blow out the candle, it'll come true

Stewie, mommies and daddies like to hug each other that way.

Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say

Stewie, those books aren't for babies. Here. Watch the Teletubbies

Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?

Stewie! My clothes are not for you to play with, understand?

Stop it! We all miss him.

Stop mocking me! What's this?

Stop the car.

Stop! Help!

Stop! What is wrong with you people?

Straight to the Scout head office in New York

Strapping you in, honey, so you don't get hurt

Stupid robbers with your guns and your make out parties.

Stupid, greedy savages!

Such a mom answer.

Sucker

Suddenly I was public enemy number one.

Suit yourself

Sun Tzu's The Art of War

Sure

Sure! Good idea!

Sure. All the guys here have been castrated

Sure. Go right ahead

Sure. Go right ahead

Sure. I can do that

Sure. The more the merrier

Sure. Whatever you say

Suspects are armed and extremely dangerous

Sweet dreams, kiddo

Sweetie, it's broccoli. It's good for you. Now open up for the airplane

Take him away!

Take it outside, lady

Take that, 1950s society! Okay, let's go

Take that!

Take them down! Yes, sir.

Technically it's not really gambling

Tell him to keep quiet. He's in too deep

Tell him yourself

Tell them he is allergic to penicillin and white zinfandel!

Tells you when the kids mess with the dial.

Thank God!

Thank God.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you, Daddy!

Thank you, Lois.

Thank you, Peter

Thank you, sir!

Thank you. But l really don't approve of gambling

Thank you. Thank you very much

Thank you. Thank you. Johnny Muldoon, ladies and gentlemen

Thank you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless

Thank you. Yes

Thanks for telling me, Brian.

Thanks for the ride, Dad.

Thanks to Cheesie Charlie..

Thanks to your wife...

Thanks, ''Watches You Pee

Thanks, Dad

Thanks, Daddy

Thanks, Daddy!

Thanks, Felicia.

Thanks, honey. But I don't know how you...

That and Snausages. He's mental for those Snausages.

That check is obviously an oversight

That does it, Peter. Either this bar goes or I do!

That frigid old cow lives in Quahog. She can't hear a word I'm saying

That hausfrau's cheap rayon blouses will make a serviceable parachute...

That I didn't stand up to a tank in Tiananmen Square?

That is a vile and odious lie!

That is bull..

That is good. I feel stronger already.

That is kind of a tongue twister.

That is so not true.

That mongrel is probably decomposing on the side of a dirt road as we speak!

That singing hussy is destroying our marriages!

That sounds right. Take your crappy car back.

That was a crazy one, Dick

That was Brian's favorite commercial.

That was classic

That was good, Reuben. Now play Brahms' Lullaby.

That was very moving, Mrs. Griffin

That would just make me some kind of lone nut

That'll give you time to think about what you did

That'll teach him.

That's a good kitty.

That's a house. That's a fish

That's dangerous thinking, Paul. You best stick to your work

That's finger suckin' good, huh? It's an old policemen's recipe

That's funny, Mother

That's funny. That's even more humorous than that joke you told us last night.

That's it, Peter! I'm not a servant

That's it!

That's it! Let's go!

That's it! Your singing days are over

That's me! I mean, that was me.

That's Meg, dude. You know that.

That's mine. Come on. Come on, give that back!

That's my idea. Peter, come here

That's my Joe! What the deuce?

That's nasty

That's okay, Lois. He's just curious about the chair.

That's okay. As long as you learned your lesson

That's okay. No charge.

That's right, little buddy. What do you want most in the whole world?

That's right! How'd you know?

That's right. A hostage situation

That's the 10th time today! Nice grab, orca.

That's the best you can do, you dull witted termagant?

That's the guy who ruined our cable

That's the lowest thing I've ever heard

That's what kids want to play with. Yeah. A Beanie Baby in a bubble.

That's what we're doing

That's why the man's gonna put me down.

The air is electric here at Super Bowl XXXIII tonight!

The baby's up. Can you get him?

The Chinese sure like to spit, don't they?

The circus is in town. Maybe you could run away and join it.

The circus!

The crowd is storming the field! This is pandemonium!

The Eight is Enough reunion show is about to start.

The Enterprise has just discovered a strange new planet..

The familiar stories, the broadly drawn characters, the convenient plot turns..

The fine is $10

The Fonz!

The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic

The guys only want to do one thing.

The Happy Go Lucky Toy Company of Quahog, Rhode Island..

The killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines..

The kind of raise that'll allow me to give my kids a big allowance...

The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Rickey

The Mach 5 is not ready! Ha ha!

The man I married would never think he could fix a problem...

The man in white. Of course

The Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage

The more I try to make friends, the more people hate me

The movers tracked grease all over my carpet

The next time I ask you to do something, I expect you to do it. Understand?

The only thing that would make this perfect day better is if my family was here

The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture

The penis broke off while I was loading it into the car

The Quahog Cable Television Transmitter

The Rhode Island Dog Show Championship is in Quahog this year!

The ruptured capillaries in your nose belie the clarity of your wisdom

The second that spotlight hit me, I became a whole different person!

The Statue of Liberty? What are we gonna do?

The statue was a gift from France

Their puerile minds are once again distracted by that flickering box

Them boys rassled for a full five minutes before the manager stepped in

Then again, I'm the jealous type

Then I had that job as the sneeze guard for that restaurant's salad bar.

Then I shall sit here until one of us expires

Then maybe I'll just take my business elsewhere

Then she stood up by herself and started walking!

Then what is it?

Then you open up the septic tank and... Skeleton city!

There

There are other things to appreciate besides television

There is no way they're gonna believe you're an lndian

There they are.

There were only two left

There you are. I can't turn my back on you for a second

There you go

There, I've gone and soiled myself

There! See what you made me do? Do you think I enjoy hitting you?

There. Now, if I can just find a midget with some gin, I'll be in business

There's a big dent in that couch that nobody else can fill

There's a world out there waiting for us to grab it by the short hairs!

There's my little house husband

There's my Scout!

There's no reason to involve the insurance companies.

There's no way out!

There's only one show I want to see. It's called..

There's something l always wanted to ask you. You were with a lot of girls

There's the guy that couldn't hold the soap

These are always classic

These are cool

These commercials are stupid

These oughta cheer Brian up. Cinnamon buns are his favorite.

These people took $24 for the island of Manhattan.

They also get food, cake, and your choice of ice cream flavors...

They are certainly not savages

They certainly don't make me want a Minto

They detached the human component from the machine

They have no idea what things are worth!

They have this game where you put in a dollar and you win four quarters!

They love that one down at the Precinct

They made me turn in my uniform and everything.

They play on their neighbor's company softball team like this Saturday

They saw my blueprints! What a grievous breach of security!

They say baseball's the national pastime.

They seemed like some nice kids

They thought your singing was too..

They're about to see a real hero in action

They're dead, you know.

They're really reaching for guest stars in the 10th season

They've been gone for over six hours

They've done it there, too

Think I'll go get drunk and beat up midgets

This and not do that thing where you drag your ass across the carpet.

This contains adult content and is brought to you by the letter "H"

This court will come to order

This does not affect us at all

This foolishness is preventing me from completing work on...

This hero thing is gonna be easy once I find the right crime

This is a dangerous mission. And it's likely one of us will be killed.

This is a miracle, Mr. Griffin

This is a surprise. I kinda thought you didn't like me

This is gonna be a photo finish, Lois!

This is gonna drive me nuts!

This is great.

This is intolerable!

This is Meg, wise one. Can she come with us?

This is not safe

This is perfect!

This is Police Lieutenant Joe Swanson. I know we can work this out

This is so silly. l started playing again

This is Stewie. Honey, say hi to Mr. Swanson

This is taking forever!

This is the one thing I ever asked you to do for us.

This is unbelievable!

This is when Lois does all those little things that women like to do

This is why I don't vote

This is why you missed our dinner? To make a bar for your friends?

This isn't the first time l found my own food in the wild

This isn't what I was expecting

This meeting was called...

This next number is dedicated to my very supportive husband, Peter

This one particular tribe has lost their way

This one takes me back.

This Saturday? Meg, you can't miss Stewie's first birthday.

This sucks, Brian. Joe is stealing my thunder

This was her first robbery and she was very brave.

This wheelchair guy moved in next door and he can do all these great things and..

This year we will defeat those Pranksters with our secret weapon..

This? This is the part where you beg for a treat.

This'll probably scar me for the rest of my life

Those are for my eyes only!

Those Scouts are never gonna know what hit them.

Three days! That's tomorrow! We gotta get going!

Thus completes the penultimate adjustment to my weather control device!

Tickle

Time to be bad!

To be the Lindbergh baby right about now

To family!

To prove you are truly a member of our tribe, you must go on a vision quest

Today he comes for me, but tomorrow it could be you or you!

Today means nothing if Meg isn't here.

Tom, I just plain don't like black people

Tomorrow is softball practice. We have a lot of work to do for Saturday's game

Tonight? Honey, I don't think anyone's gonna come back tonight.

Totally ineffective.

Tree, if one of you falls and there's no one around, do you make a noise?

Try it again. "I'm caca for Cocoa Puffs."

Try talking about him

Turn that TV off

TV took over my life once. I'm never gonna let that happen again

Two minutes to curtain, Miss Minnelli!

Unfortunately Johnson isn't here to pitch today. His wife is in labor

Unfortunately, Megan Griffin ruined TV

Unless I put myself in real danger, too! For my family's sake!

UPS.

Useless, every one of you! Fine

Verily. Come hither and give heed

Very funny! Now tell the one that doesn't suck!

Very well

Very well then, I order you to kill me at once!

Very well then. L..

Very well, then.

Victory is mine!

Victory is mine!

Victory is mine!

Victory is..

Wait a minute! I love schnitzel!

Wait a minute. I don't think we're through

Wait a minute. Why are we listening to a dog?

Wait a second

Wait a second! Your ass just sneezed! And horses can't talk! No!

Wait a second.

Wait! I didn't drive into the satellite dish!

Wait! Please! I gotta say something!

Wait.

Wait. I was just bluffing. My wife has her heart set on this place.

Wait. One last question

Wait. That's a comma, not a decimal

Wait. You can't leave now

Wait. You guys can't leave me here alone

Wake up! You promised you'd get this hook out of my mouth

Watch the kids. I'm taking a hot bath

Watch where you're going, buddy

Water! Thank God!

Way to go, Dad!

Way to think outside the box, Frank

We almost got that one for insect study

We are not lost. And even if we were...

We can't go back to the way things were after how I was treated.

We could be without TV for weeks!

We don't need him. We'll get another pet.

We got animals. We got clowns

We got hostages! Don't try anything funny!

We gotta figure out a way to get to New York...

We have to find your father, Chris. He's not well

We haven't even talked about how you'll wear your ears.

We interrupt this program for some episodes of One Day at a Time

We love you, Lois!

We might have to leave Rhode Island for this

We now return to The Scooby Doo Murder Files

We'll get a lovable kitty cat and everybody will feel a lot better.

We'll never find another place in time!

We're all a little different, Diane. Each of us.

We're also celebrating the day our family became whole

We're even feeling the effects of this heat wave here in our studio.

We're family. This is what we do for each other.

We're gonna miss the beginning of my show. There it is

We're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You know those Germans

We're lndians. We're gonna know if he's lying

We're off to a good start.

We're really looking forward to Stewie's special day.

We're too busy living life to the fullest. Come on, let's go

We're trying to rebuild our shattered culture..

We've all been there

We've lost him

We've only got one more night to get that badge

Welcome to Cheesie Charlie's

Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnus.

Welcome to the neighborhood

Welcome to the Quahog Dog Show. Today's competition will be...

Well, before you take Sparky home, let me check him for worms

Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the damn bed!

Well, go fetch 'em.

Well, look who finally came home

Well, technically he was killed by the state, but funny story

Well, then. My goal becomes clear. The broccoli must die

Well, those celebrities are wrong!

Well, we are gonna miss the go go go pace of Providence

Well, well, Mother! We meet again!

Well, you were close, Dad

Well, you're the number one husband, too.

What a bitch.

What a delightful moniker

What a gorgeous day. Isn't it a gorgeous day, Mr

What a little explorer

What a lovely house, Mrs. G

What about my idea? Come on! Tootie morphs into a stink bug

What an ass

What are they paying you? I'll double it!

What are you doing here?

What are you talking about? I'm a great driver

What are you talking about? We want to hear more of Mr. Swanson's stories

What are you? About a 9?

What could me and you do together?

What do they call that one?

What do you know? Okay, let's go

What do you mean, honey?

What do you say to that, broccoli?

What do you say, neighbor? Sounds fun

What do you say? You think the guys will like it?

What do you want?

What does it mean when your armpits cry stinky tears?

What does your mom do?

What in the name of our Christian God? You're out of the semicircle!

What is it, Peter?

What is my piano doing down here?

What is this?

What l just witnessed was ghastlier than a thousand ghouls!

What on earth was that?

What sound does a cow make? Don't toy with me!

What the deuce are you staring at? It's tuna fish..

What the hell

What the hell are you doing in here anyway?

What the hell are you doing, you crazy bitch?

What the hell do you think you're doing?

What the hell is this?

What the hell is this?

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that?

What the hell?

What the..

What was the name of the bad guy from Tron?

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

What you saw was actually a very beautiful thing.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Because of what I said this afternoon. No

What? Look, all I'm saying is put an Israeli guy next to an Arab guy...

What? She's gonna miss Stewie's birthday

What? That I can't provide for my family? That she's always right?

What? That. Yeah. I'll clean that up on my way out.

What? That's ridiculous!

What? Those bastards! Don't you worry

What? Yeah. That's Stewie

What? You're gonna spend $150,000 a week?

What's going on here?

What's he doing in a wheelchair?

What's he up to this time? I'm going to work!

What's that, Peter?

What's the big deal? So Meg's with her new friends

What's the difference between pornography and art?

When Alan Alda took over behind the camera..

When did it become okay to be handicapped?

When did you get a pool?

When Meg and Chris turned one, I had so much to do, I missed everything

When she worries, she says, "I told you so" and:

When was the last time you saw your toes?

Where are you off to?

Where are you? What do you want?

Where do you get off telling me how to raise my son?

Where the hell am I gonna find a guy as strong as Guillermo?

Where the hell have you been? We had a date

Where's Brian?

Where's my watch?

Where's the damn pull string?

Where's the other guy?

Where's your mother?

Who are you?

Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!

Who cares? I don't even know you

Who died and made you President Nixon?

Who said that?

Who the hell do you think you are?

Who thought fraud would be one of her buttons?

Who touched the thermostat?

Who wants to play Drink The Beer?

Who wants to sing show tunes? "In old..."

Who would've thought getting drunk would get me...

Who's gonna remember?

Who's up for a little lunch? Something festive.

Whoa! Wait a second! You had a vision?

Whoa. Hang on. Sorry, no one can leave.

Whoa. I don't swing that way, pal

Whoa. This isn't about me. This is about you

Whoa. Wait a second. Not so fast. Tell me of your history, of your past

Whoops

Whoops

Whoops. Can't forget my ceremonial white robe

Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

Why are the pretty ones always so dumb?

Why are we making a federal case out of this?

Why are you guys making such a big deal over Joe?

Why can't we have the same kind of party we always do?

Why don't I go buy some groceries and make us a nice romantic dinner?

Why don't you burn in hell?

Why don't you come with us?

Why don't you make something of your life, like this dog?

Why don't you spend some time with your family?

Why have a jukebox in the john if your wife's mad at you?

Why not, dear? Potsie's a very nice boy

Why not? l've fooled people before

Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement..

Why with that technology, I could escape these wretched harridans!

Why would you send my husband and son out..

Why?

Why? Saunders, tell him why!

Why? So you can go buy yourself another bottle of booze?

Will you be okay by yourself?

Will you be prancing then?

With all she's given us, she oughta get whatever she wants.

Without actually seeing his ass, this is just radio.

Wonder if club footed midgets get justice in heaven.

Wonderful! Wow!

Words cannot express the depth of my appreciation and love for you

Would you act like a monkey?

Would you kill a man?

Would you like to hear it?

Would you please ask for directions?

Would you stand on one leg? Sure.

Wow

Wow, it's so obvious

Wow, that sort of sounds more like me

Wow, this place is full of dead pigeons. I'm gonna go grab some ozone

Wow! An lndian casino!

Wow! Lois Griffin! I love your act. Nice melons

Wow! What a great yard!

Wow. Looks like you have a fan.

Ya! Ya!

Yay!

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah, America's great, isn't it? Except for the South

Yeah, but I...

Yeah, Daddy. If you hadn't pulled this stunt..

Yeah, from the American taxpayers. I am so mad I can't see straight

Yeah, gambling is great. No question about it

Yeah, I know. I'm just making conversation. Come on

Yeah, I've never actually seen a baby being..

Yeah, isn't it great? Oh, boy, I feel just like Tim Allen

Yeah, it looks like it's just a ding.

Yeah, let's hear it for the guy who found Joe!

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, that's authentic Italian.

Yeah, then do something about it

Yeah, way to go, Chris

Yeah, you did. But here's the really silly thing, Peter

Yeah, you got 50 Puerto Ricans in the kitchen!

Yeah, you're right. Okay, I got the top bunk

Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll tell her tonight

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Come on! Go, yeah! Eat my dust!

Yeah! I played guitar in a band before we moved

Yeah? The deal's off.

Yeah? You're hogging up all the ugly!

Yeah. A new family record. Way to raise the bar, Dad

Yeah. About that. Lois, see, the guys were just being polite.

Yeah. But l'm your spiritual guide, see?

Yeah. Except for the time Dad hit that deer.

Yeah. He's still upset because Abby threw out his baseball cards.

Yeah. His name is Sparky

Yeah. I can do, like, a handstand, and some somersaults maybe.

Yeah. I still can't believe we missed the phrase, "My hairy aunt

Yeah. I'd like 6,000 chicken fa ji tas, please

Yeah. I'll never forget the day he was born.

Yeah. If you guys were beers, I would drink every one of you

Yeah. l guess

Yeah. Must be that special jojoba shampoo I bought you. It cost a little extra.

Yeah. Not like those dumb, gargantuan Swedes

Yeah. Quiet, Lois. Murder She Wrote.

Yeah. That was different. I'll be fine

Yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. You name it

Yeah. Where is the birthday boy?

Yeah. Which is more than we ever got from those freeloading Canadians

Yes

Yes

Yes, he is man's best friend. But what manner of friend is man?

Yes, l do. No boy of mine is gonna get booted out of the Scouts

Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this!

Yes, you forgot the words

Yes, your judgment lately has been rather...

Yes! Yes! Again! Again! Dear God, please once more!

Yes. And this cake is yours, too

Yes. And you'll never catch me!

Yes. He's so full of wonder

Yes. It's going very well

Yes. Stay the hell away from that bike shop

Yes. We're all set for your little boy's party.

Yes..

Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to retain his dignity

Yipes

You always want to be aware of other cars on the road

You are spectacular!

You call these bagels?

You can play tomorrow, honey.

You can say it, Charles. I'm not ashamed. Abortion.

You can't back out now. How about a pill?

You can't do this!

You can't hold onto that thing to save your life

You can't keep lying to her about losing your job

You can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables

You could do your impression of a barbershop quartet.

You didn't tell us that part!

You do children's parties?

You don't admire wheelchair people. You're supposed to feel sorry for them.

You don't join their party, they come get you

You first.

You folks want some pancakes?

You forgot to flip him off. But other than that, nice job

You got a neighbor on the other side of your house, too

You got it

You gotta take Brian's feelings into consideration.

You guys, we're still on in Boston

You have a homosexuaI attraction to Potsie

You have crappy judgment anyway

You have impeccable credentials

You have no choice. Your unemployment will dry up soon.

You have no idea, do you?

You have the power to end this!

You heard him. He doesn't want to be a part of this family.

You heard me. l'm a member of your tribe.

You hit my mom!

You hungry?

You just have to remember that life has its little ups and..

You just knocked out cable TV for the whole town!

You just need to find something to fill the void that's left in your life.

You just want to eat him up.

You just want your toy back

You just went a little overboard. You need a little balance in your life

You know how I always said you should be treated like a queen?

You know I do

You know the tub where you take your little baths?

You know those little clam cakes you make whenever..

You know what's nice? Having a friend like Meg. And kittens

You know, I love you girls.

You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self image

You know, Mother, life is like a box of chocolates.

You know, son, running away never solves anything

You know. Have you ever felt not so fresh?

You may want to find a better teacher than Peter

You mean it?

You mean, "Give him some air

You mean, "He's going into labor."

You must be Lois

You must begin your journey now

You never know what you're going to get

You never know what you're gonna find down here

You prance about this house like the cock of the walk.

You really oughta think of your family's welfare

You remember that time l pretended to be gay?

You remember when he tried to sneak me into the County Fair?

You saved my life, Doctor!

You see, Misty..

You see? A hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right. I mean..

You shall rue this day. Go on! Start ruing!

You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me

You there, child woman!

You think I'm some simp who can't live without TV? Give me a break

You thought Joe was something. You ain't seen nothin' yet

You understand me? Dirty girl.

You want me to be a crazy animal? Okay, I'm a crazy animal!

You want to go throw up?

You were right, Peter. I've never felt so alive.

You will bow to me

You win a few hands and all those lights go off

You won't believe it, Mom! Dad's getting...

You won't need anything where we're going

You! How came you by this metal construct?

You! You seem to know all the players in this poorly acted farce.

You'll never take us alive!

You'll see. Everything's gonna work out.

You're always right there on the couch for us, making us laugh when we're upset.

You're back already? That wasn't much of a lesson

You're fired!

You're getting to be a big boy now.

You're getting warmer

You're going downtown, pal.

You're gonna do great. Remember everything I taught you.

You're gonna have a tough time finding a... Hold on

You're gonna make some ******* guy a great wife

You're just fortunate this is your first offense, Peter

You're just teething, Stewie. It's a normal part of a baby's life

You're just upset because you wrecked the cable transmitter

You're kidding! If I prepare my case, I might have a chance after all.

You're looking well.

You're not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey. Remember when you gave up candy?

You're not going anywhere without your leash!

You're out!

You're right, Lois. Who am I kidding? This family needs Brian. I need him.

You're right, Scoob. We're dealing with one sick son of a bitch

You're right. I'll never be that kind of hero

You're right. It's better if I do it

You're saying I must return to face this man in white myself. So be it.

You're so observant, aren't you? Are you a detective?

You're spending money on food again?

You're the Pawtucket Patriot

You're wrong again, Lois. That wasn't the car.

You've been busy all day. So I took care of dinner

You've been in front of the TV since you got home from work

You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb

Your boy is out of the Scouts!

Your family idolizes the lousy cripple and not you?

Your husband must go out in the wilderness without food or water.

Your idiot son hasn't earned a single merit badge

Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!

Your little peep show is over! We're taking back our men!

Your mom will, trust me. She remembers everything.

Your mother was right. It'd be a crime to sit around and wait for the TV

Your negligence has damaged this company's reputation.

Your wife's hot!

6,000 chicken fa ji tas

24 months in prison? Unacceptable! Intolerable as it may be..

37 beers. You're setting a great example for the kids, Peter

All right. You're free. Wow! Can you give me my job back?

And what did you do? Drank at the stag..

And you better start obeying both of us. Look at you.

Are you sure, honey? For God's sake, you guys

Are you sure? He's fine. Keep going

Boys, we're gonna drink till she's hot. That's just crazy enough to work

But I thought we were having fun. We were

Can you tell me if he's okay? What's he look like?

Chris, elbows off your father. Thanks, son

Come on

Come on, Chris. We're leaving

Come on. Let's get out of here. Peter, you can't leave

Dad? Meg, what are you doing at West Beverly?

Damn! Let's go

Did you find a replacement for the team? No. Believe me, I've been looking

Do you think that girl is hot? No

Dog? Yeah?

Don't feel bad, Peter. Gee. I never thought of it like that

Excuse me. Shouldn't that be "whom"? Okay, you

Face it. He's the life of the party

Finish your oatmeal, son. Why bother? I'm just a freak!

First prize is $500! Really?

Give it! Come on!

God help you if I find pickles. Henry, I have a lost little boy

Great. You can teach me how to drive. There'll be time to drive when you're dead

Greg, were you smoking cigarettes? No, Dad

Have at you! En garde!

He's a eunuch

Hell, you've learned your lesson, right? Yeah

Her first steps? Yeah.

Hey, you want a piece of gum? Thanks

How could you? Lois, I got a very good reason.

I demand to know who made you! Stewie, it's not polite to point.

I don't know, Peter. Lois, trust me.

I gotta go. I know

I tried everything to get the stain out

I was just out for a little walk. That's all. Without a leash.

I'll consider it

I'm gonna paint my house! I'll build a ship in a bottle

I'm just asking..

I'm just saying... Shut up, Wonka.

I'm sick of life. Yeah. My dogs are barking.

Is it me or is rap music just getting lazier? No. It's my new police scanner

Is that really the blood of Christ? Yes

Jeez. Did I just hit that ostrich? No

Let's get a kitty! See, gang? Stewie's got the right idea.

Let's start by going down Main Street. Okay

Madden to Fox Security. Go ahead.

Meg and I had a little father daughter talk. It seems to have worked.

Morning, Lois. And you were worried

My device! My teeth! I'm free! Free!

No! No!

Not after the things I've seen. What did you see? Was it breasts?

Nothing. The lost my job smells great

Now, look sharp! Yes, sir!

Now, see, that's what people hate

Oh, no, that's just... My husband's the same way

Okay. Take your base. Somebody call 911

Perfect! Where's Lois and the kids? Over at Joe's

Peter Griffin ruined TV? And blamed his daughter?

Peter, we've been over this. Honey, you won't have to lift a finger

Peter, what the hell is that? It's my favorite TV family, the Griffins

Peter! Don't get up.

Peter... Okay.

Play ball! Let's do it!

Promise me, Peter. Lois, honey, I promise

Quadruped. Mutant

She did it. What? Dad, you were the one driving!

So, are we all set at Cheesie Charlie's? Actually, I canceled the reservation

Something to relax you before you go on? Peter, are you offering Brian drugs?

Sorry, man. Am I late? What did I miss? Thank God you're here. What do I do?

Stand and deliver. Get the hell up. You're a hoot, Peter.

Take him out

That was joke gum

The lamp gives us light. I get it

They live in a crummy neighborhood

This guy's asking for it. But Dad..

Top of the morning, everybody

Way to go, Dad! Fight the machine! How do you know about the machine?

What about club soda? What about shutting the hell up?

What are you doing? I'm driving

What did you promise me last night? I wouldn't drink at the stag party

What was that? Chocolate. Give me the check

What? It's okay.

What? Oh, no!

What? What'd she say?

What's happening now? Sipowicz is finding who stabbed the super

What's that supposed to mean? Face it, you're addicted to television

What's the charge, Officer? Driving without my phone number

When I found you, you were just a stray. You swore you would never speak of that.

Why Cheesie Charlie's? It's cool, Dad

Will you go out with me? I'd love to

Yeah

Yeah, it's all right. Is my kid over here?

Yes. All right!

You are

You are one lucky... Stop now.

You been chasing cars tonight, boy? Look, the name is Brian.

You don't have any of those things. How do you know?

You got all those things? You bet I did.

You know, whatever's on. Look, Peter. It's your favorite show

You mean like this lamp? Yeah. Okay

You must be Peter. Joe Swanson. Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you, Phil

You win. All right. What do I win?

You'll never get away with this! Silence!

You're getting kind of fat

After that. ''Casino's profits

After that. ''l feel foolish

Before that. ''Everyone in the tribe.''

But what is the price of our souls? $6 million a week.

CooI Runnings

Dad, this is what l really like to do

Did you ever get a sexual disease? Herpes twice. And the clap

He hasn't shut up about it since. Sure

How about it, Lenny? What the hey? The more the merrier

l can tell. You think everyone's an lndian

l guess you're pretty disappointed in me. Yeah!

l mean, so you drew this? Yeah. l know they suck

ls it a good movie? lt has its moments

ls it a musical? No

ls it an action movie? No

Now's your chance to be alone with Dad. Are you nuts? l'm not attracted to Dad

Or shoes. Yeah. Or shoes.

Really? Yeah!

Tell him you don't want to be in Scouts. Thanks, Meg

The whole thing

What did you just say? ''l'm sorry

What was that? Nothing.

Why not? Because l'm a man

Yeah

Yeah. That's good, honey. Let's go

You mean play the piano? No. She.... Yeah.

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

...a beautiful place full of wonderful things just waiting to be experienced

...after you ****d our land and defiled our women

...almost as hot as the weather, which is once again in the triple digits.

...almost as hot as the weather, which is once again in the triple digits.

...an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change

...and chew on my ass for five minutes

...and come right home

...and come right home.

...and Doomie 22 told me some idiot knocked out the cable

...and find a high roller who'll pay $1 million to sleep with my wife.

...and get Chris back into the Scouts

...and I can't tell the difference

...and nothing else

...and reveal a great personal truth

...and run like hell

...and stock it with plenty of frosty Pawtucket Patriots..

...and take care of my kids. And nobody cheers

...and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell

...and then we can start the party, I hope

...and undo ever having drawn those damnable blueprints

...and we will never speak of this again

...and you're not on it, you'll regret it. Not today or tomorrow.

...as a Calvin Klein model

...as a reward for all your obedience.

...at Cheesie Charlie's.

...at home

...because a deaf man stole my job at the phone company

...because he wanted to be a good husband and father

...but I love my family too much to risk their lives

...but my husband thinks our family needs extra protection now that..

...but you might want to tell Lois the truth.

...but you're sucking all the energy out of the room.

...by perpetuating the stereotype of the good dog?

...Col

...drinking beer, telling jokes, and screwing around

...fat as a cow..

...for beer money

...for crashing a blimp, no one would be married

...for tattling on your brother

...from the quantum theory of molecular propulsion

...get set...

...give him a big kiss on the cheek, look him right in the eye, and he's butter.

...Guillermo

...hardworking people who are true to their spiritual heritage

...has led to a terrifying hostage situation

...has released highly unsafe products into the retail market

...home.

...I have never been as angry as I..

...I never would've learned this valuable lesson.

...I promise you there are people who care.

...I shall end your reign of matriarchal tyranny

...I wouldn't know how to manipulate Kevin

...I'm not gonna miss a moment of Stewie's party

...in front of our house

...in the Gamma Faloppia star system. Mr. Sulu, ahead Warp 9.

...instead of teaching me how to drive, I'd be one rich little..

...is quite ingenious if I do say so myself, Misty

...it might just be possible to reverse time's heady flow..

...it's who you do it with, and your family..

...just for keeping their big mouths shut. Come on, guys

...knew about the other times I broke the law.

...l can't ask a human being for directions

...l'd ever have to give my family the things they deserve

...l'm completely dependent upon those wretched drones for sustenance

...l'm gonna help out around the house and say "I love you" every day

...like cooking and cleaning, is right in the house just waiting for you

...like your father who shall remain nameless

...Lois is in the "oodmay" but Brian won't "amscray."

...Make Every Day Count, starring Peter Griffin as himself

...my dry cleaner, and even my postman

...my time manipulator employs axioms..

...of Different Strokes was on. The one where Arnold and Dudley..

...of telling you you shouldn't cover for your father's lie.

...of the nude large breasted Weewok tribe of New Guinea

...on and off the field

...on my way to give a speech on how TV keeps families together.

...on your premises, I think I deserve a little discount

...Pawtucket Patriots

...Quahog remains in the sweltering grip of a freak heat wave.

...radioactive scorpion. Watch out, Mrs. Garrett. Here comes Blair

...right here in the safety and comfort of our own home

...should I need to abandon my jet in mid flight.

...so I wouldn't wake you up. Nothing bad happened

...so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ

...stand it here all day

...take them on a dream vacation to Hawaii right now. Say aloha, kids

...television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time

...than go to a party with you.

...that can move time! I shall call it a time machine

...the blueberries are begging to be picked

...the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen

...the music's flowing through me, I feel, I don't know, special

...the sooner they'd catch their mistake

...they'll think you're a total psycho. And I can say, "That psycho is my dad!"

...to review the judgment in City of Quahog v. Brian Griffin.

...to the ice rink every morning at 6:00 a. m.

...vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, or people.

...we have company? I need about a dozen

...we're rich

...when you grow up big and strong like your father

...with enough left for us to buy our way out of any trouble our kids might get into

...with festering boils all over his body.

...would come to see me, not you

...would take her clothes off

...you look very handsome.

...your friends will come down here for a beer as well.

''all the things that make us

''And the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon

''But we'll get together then, son You know we'll have a ''

''But where are those good, old fashioned values

''He's a family guy''

''is violence in movies and sex on TV

''l'm just burning doing the neutron dance''

''l'm so happy doing the neutron dance

''laugh 'n' cry

''little boy blue and the man in the moon

''Lucky there's a family guy

''Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

''on which we used to rely?

''When you coming home, Dad? l don't know when

"... I developed at testicular boot camp. But it was a trap!

"... in that amniotic Attica

"...for spending $150,000 a week in misappropriated welfare funds" play

"...the weather in New England, go back where you came from."

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"all the things that make us

"And if I try, I still

"As I recall, it was every potential man for himself.

"As the months of solitude passed, I began to go insane

"Because He always puts Skippy

"Because Mintos puts the fresh in life

"Boy"?

"Brian"? No, it's not ringing a bell.

"But I need your love to keep away the cold I got..

"But kiss my green ass I shall see you in hell!"

"But then, a miracle! There was a light at the end of the tunnel

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"But where are those good, old fashioned values

"couldn't hide my love for you

"Dear Diary..

"Dear MacGuyver...

"Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade"

"Don't tell me not to fly I've simply gotta

"Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw.

"Gimme, gimme, gimme what I cry for

"He loves me a bunch

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"He's a family guy"

"I alone had reached the target objective, thanks to the intrepidity..

"I got steam heat

"I love you

"I rushed to freedom, but suddenly I was ambushed by a mysterious man in white!"

"I swear I don't know how"

"I was imprisoned in that uterine gulag for nine grueling months. "

"I was quite sure that soon I would be dead.

"I'm still haunted by the memories of how I was incarcerated..

"I'm tired and I want to go to bed" Just the women!

"If someone takes a spill it's me and not you

"If there is some other way to prove that I love you

"In my lunch"

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"is violence in movies and sex on TV

"It seemed my prison cell was getting smaller and smaller

"It seems the domestic overseers are plotting against me

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It seems today that all you see

"It's got steam heat

"Jesus loves me

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"laugh 'n' cry

"Life is just a breeze when you stay fresh and cool

"Lois and the family sitting in a tree"

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a family guy

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

"Lullaby and good night"

"Mintos freshness Let Mintos freshen your life"

"On Moonlight Bay

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"on which we used to rely?

"Or do you?"

"Please save my dog."

"put some fresh in your life Let Mintos freshen up your life

"She sells seashells down by the seashore."

"Show me the way to go home" Everybody!

"Stop doing that. I'm asleep

"Taste that freshness Just can't beat it

"that I die for"

"Their plans somehow relate to the anniversary of my escape from the womb

"They seemed to say"

"Very nice people. " Yeah, that's what they always say

"We could hear the voices singing

"We were sailing along

"When life is getting to you

"You know you got the brand of kisses

"You know you made me love you"

"You oughta know for haven't I told you so?"

"You think you have won You think all is well

"You'll never know if you don't know now"

"You'll never know just how much

"You'll never know just how much I care"