The Office - Season 7 Edit

A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell.

A crystal wizard.

A gah gah gah gah. Aw, my hero

A lot of people are really

A lot of these guys are just Mac.com at their website whatever.

A plus.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

About a little office administration problem.

About saving on window treatments?

About the whole Danny situation.

Accept, but keep your wits about you.

Actually, that's a really good idea, Kelly.

Admit...

After everything I did for you?

After I learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping me.

After that, we have a difficult conversation

Ah, Darryl moved it. You moved it.

Ah, I was looking forward

Alf.

All at the same time.

All corkboard.

All hail your hay king!

All in favor of Purebred.

All right, everybody. Take a seat.

All right, good night, Gabe.

All right, I've warmed them up for you. You have the floor, Ryan.

All right, thank you. I will send the contracts over right away.

All right, you know what?

All right.

All right. Let's bang this out.

All right. Wow.

All the time.

All those in favor of selling, say "aye."

All you've ever done was say no to me.

Always have your back.

Am I gonna make you cry?

Am I supposed to care about these days?

An a.L.F.

An asset.

And a daycare center?

And a Ouija board.

And about half her height.

And approval, Dwight k. Schrute.

And as office administrator...

And ask for Miss Angela Martin,

And at the end of it all, one lucky boy would be crowned hay king.

And call me in the morning.

And cancel all my business

And cognitive development area.

And dating someone else... Mm hmm.

And didn't seem to realize that wasn't his hot coffee,

And drop huge amounts of cash on clothes.

And fate has obliged me with plenty of battles,

And Gabe looks like lady gaga.

And get Darryl Philbin on the speakerphone.

And get paid a reasonable salary.

And he looks so handsome in his uniform.

And he shoots incredibly high, and he may just make it.

And he's also clever.

And he's taking advantage of you.

And I am obviously the joker, so...

And I can't believe it didn't exist before.

And I can't do that unless I honestly...

And I don't care if I take a bullet,

And I fixed it.

And I hate being interrupted.

And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, but hey, I married Jim

And I think that Ryan knows that,

And I think the paperwork just got lost in the shuffle.

And I thought, you know,

And I want to live at the top.

And I was thinking that we should start on a bunny hill,

And I'm gonna do the same with all of your clients.

And if I were to call your house and ask for your wife,

And if you're out there, strangler,

And it caught the corner of my eye

And it just stopped.

And it makes more sense when I'm standing next to Popeye,

And it's not some M.L.K. dream for equality

And it's one of those things

And Julia Roberts goes...

And launch that lighthouse into space.

And let her decide.

And let's be honest,

And let's hear it for

And lieutenant knife, and miss fork.

And nobody knows I live there.

And not be mad at each other.

And not just the instructions?

And now, by show of applause, we will crown this year's hay king

And Romeo doesn't call back after two dates.

And room for a plant, in success.

And so then I told... All right

And take Darryl Philbin out to lunch.

And thank God I'm not Darryl.

And that's actually when I heard

And the girl's like, "yeah."

And the goat roast is at 3:00

And the onion boil.

And the Scranton/Wilkes barre coupon book, Oscar Martinez.

And the shopgirl goes, "oh."

And the winner of the costume celebration spectacular

And then I pressed the buzzer again,

And then I take it to Gabe.

And then I told them, giving Darryl full credit.

And then Julia Roberts goes,

And then they will split those commissions with sales.

And then we will have Erin pick it out of the hat

And then work our way up to "Death Drop."

And then, this morning,

And there are a lot of other people

And there don't seem to be any consequences.

And there is no middle ground.

And there's a button that I can press,

And they looked right at me, and then they looked away.

And they say the rates have never been lower.

And they started taking pictures of me

And they wanted me to double check...

And tick off a few boxes,

And we are going to straighten this out.

And we teach those snobs a lesson.

And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably, like, a two.

And yet, very helpful to everyone.

And you can't vote for yourself.

And you don't ever get to see your pictures.

And you drag me over the coals.

And you kept me at the same level for years.

And you know what I'd like?

And you want us to ask that?

Andy, how does it... no, no, no.

Angela as a nurse.

Angela? Angela!

Anyone can just throw numbers up on a chart.

Apparently theres a famous Hollywood movie

Apparently, corporate is going to have

Are you distracting these people?

Are you guys meeting about Wuphf?

Are you making with that costume, Kevin?

Are you serious?

As a naked old man in a gym locker room.

As it were.

As ol' Dwight Schrute's mom.

As planned.

As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter

At a fancy store because she does not look wealthy.

At least.

Awesome.

Awesome.

Aye.

Aye. Aye.

Aye. Aye.

Baby, baby, baby... I think I'm gonna sue you.

Bankruptcy?

Be careful what you wish for, Toby.

Because I was a little nervous about coming to work here

Because I was a little nervous about coming to work here

Because I've never actually been skiing.

Because no matter how much she resists,

Because she spent the whole date talking about you

Because the pitcher wasn't going to be able to play

Because they need to grip the broom.

Because we don't get invited to a ton of Halloween parties.

Been probed by Alf.

Best Edward James Olmos costume I've ever seen.

Big, painful breakup I don't know about?

Bill Compton from true blood

Blacula.

Brought together

But I deal with it 'cause it's policy. See what I mean?

But I don't care about nobody!

But I don't care if I forget today.

But I never said it out loud, so...

But I... It's not right

But I'm off to a good start.

But I'm saying right now, we can't do that.

But I'm saying right now, we can't do that.

But I've got a chance to do some good here.

But I've learned to love again.

But into adversity, and for that, I thank the Lord.

But it also sucks for us,

But it helps.

But it just may be a lunatic

But it's gonna cost you three more bucks.

But it's not for...

But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move

But Jim doesn't want to put his costume on.

But Pam got really offended.

But she did a good job.

But sometimes twos can be wild, so watch out.

But the world shines on Mose.

But then, corporate comes up with this idea.

But then, I don't know,

But then, like, her fours looked like eights, and then...

But there was this one thing.

But there's a lower half.

But this could work.

But we can't come to your party tonight.

But why did it keep you from going to the park?

But you also called her the second time,

But you know what, even if he doesn't,

But you know what?

But you know what? You can't help people.

But, my punishment is, um,

But, uh, he looks much less threatening now.

By an alien life force

By me.

By playing games, drawing some pictures, talking?

By taking the pitcher out.

Bye, Stanley. Love you.

Can we move this to the end of the day?

Can you at least try to look busy?

Can you believe that?

Can you get every department head's signature on this,

Can you imagine? It's just crazy.

Can you just admit...

Can't talk, saving the planet.

Canberra I think, and she met this guy

Cancel all your business with the steamtown mall!

Chain of command is crumbling.

Chain of command. Do you understand?

Chapter one. I was born, not into luxury nor poverty,

Check this out.

Come on in, enjoy!

Come on. We're going to Danny's bar.

Come out here and embrace who you really are,

Commission comes out to

Consider it a wuphf in person.

Corporate chain of command.

Corporate stole nothing.

Could be.

Could I get one of those nameplates

Could you for once just let us enjoy a party

Creed's going?

Darryl brings it to Michael. Michael brings it to me.

Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy

Darryl, creed's a maybe.

Did I truck 300 bales of hay to a parking lot

Did you ever think of Wuphf as an emergency notification system,

Did you hear about that Danny guy?

Did you just say you remember him?

Did you know that there is a daycare center

Did you prank Dwight? No.

Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful

Do my time.

Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay.

Do not talk like that, Stanley.

Do you know what just happened?

Do you know who I am?

Do you mind if we share this bale?

Do you think Kevin is going over my head?

Do you wanna play another game?

Does anybody know that password?

Does anyone remember what her dad smelled like?

Doesn't have that great a time,

Don't

Don't forget to make a broom.

Don't laugh at me.

Don't you work here full time?

Don't... slow it down.

Dorky.

Dracula.

Dressing up as somebody...

Drivers sell paper on their routes now.

Dwight is my king up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid.

Dwight Kurt Schrute.

Dwight, show them all sides, turn around.

Dwight?

Earth.

Eating my penis... I mean peas.

Eating our private meal, cooked by our private chef.

Ed truck hired me. Jo promoted me.

Eight male voices singing,

Eight years

Eldred called it "Hay World."

Email, Facebook, Twitter, and homescreen.

Erin, would you please do me a solid..

Erin. Er...

Escape is impossible.

Even if you don't work hard.

Even when I was a kid, it just felt like something

Eventually, lawyers were brought in. But...

Every fall, growing up,

Everyone has to vote for who gets the coupon book,

Everyone keeps blowing that out of proportion.

Everyone realizes this coupon book

Everyone was getting their driver's license

Everyone, follow me to the shelter.

Everyone, let's give Darryl a round of applause

Everyone, you heard me

Everyone's like, "Hey, dude, what's up

Exactly what the two of you wanted me to see.

Excuse me, everyone. Sex!

Extra products.

Feeding trough, play bucket,

Feels almost passive aggressive

Fifty thousand condoms out of the sky.

Flown by our private pilot,

For Danny.

For discrimination!

For infants and toddlers.

For me, it's the walk from the yogurt shop

For my current investors, things are going great.

For precious heirlooms.

For the past few months,

For us kids to play in. We called it "Hay Place."

Friends fight. Friends fight.

From the 1980s... beautiful girl.

From the fact that I was...

Fun, communication, connection.

Gabe Lewis.

Gabe listened to me.

Gabe. He messed it up.

Garbage magnet. Garbage magnet.

Gay ba..

Gay...

Get us out of this.

Getting into Halloween this year.

Given how much people are walking on eggshells around us.

God, magnets are interesting enough.

Good laugh for a regular idea.

Good night, everybody.

Good!

Good.

Got to get in on this.

Great costume

Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company.

Great.

Guys, you're arguing over a 1 in 16 chance.

Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters

Halpert, you looking for someone to bang your wife?

Handbag.

Happy Halloween, jerk!

Happy Halloween.

Has to fall in love or anything.

Have some faith in this idea.

Hay stacking, hay throwing...

He didn't call her back.

He has a lot of issues, and he's stupid.

He is selfish and lazy and image obsessed, and he is a bad friend.

He messed up the forms, I bet.

He really respected the manager.

He says no.

He thought of that way before the corporate fat suits.

He threw 'em on the ground!

He took me to a baseball game once, I remember

He went over my head.

He went over your head to go behind your back.

He went to Gabe behind your back.

He's a cartoon sailor. [scoffs] no.

He's a warrior

Hear you're looking for work.

Heard he used to date Pam.

Heh, I'm not the only one who sees this, right?

Hell, I can even sleep on a fence.

Hello! Welcome to Hay Place. A place for hay.

Hello! Welcome to Hay Place. A place for hay.

Hello?

Hello.

Help! Hello?

Her daddy pulled her aside and said,

Here is the language skills

Here she comes.

Here we go. Okay?

Hey, back off. It's solitaire.

Hey, can I play?

Hey, congratulations. Do you know what your prize is?

Hey, Dwight, you saw Darryl move it, right?

Hey, I'm Wuphf. I'm Facebook.

Hey, it's cool, man.

Hey, Jim?

Hey, kid.

Hey, kids, was that fun?

Hey, Pam. I don't wanna be a lousy snitch.

Hey, she had a nice time. It seems rude.

Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there.

Hey, what's the crowd like, Danny?

Hey.

Hey. It's an ambush here.

Hi, Darryl. Come out here, please.

Hi, Michael.

Hmm, Kevin and Gabe.

Hmm, thank you.

Hold up. That clock is slow.

Honestly, I didn't call you back

How about now?

How about now?

How about now?

How about now?

How can I haunt you today?

How far can you reach those lovely long arms of yours?

How long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours?

How long do you think a week is?

How many freakin' vampires

How tragic.

How's everybody doing?

How's it going, bro? Good, good, bro.

I actually have a degree in social work.

I almost forgot.

I always wanted to be hay king.

I am never gonna forget

I am not budging on the hat issue.

I am on the first hot sales streak of my life.

I am Popeye.

I am supposed to be olive oil.

I am your boss, and if you have something to say,

I ate two whole apples

I blew this.

I bought poles.

I can come back and get it for you later,

I can pretty much sell anything.

I can't believe this doesn't make you mad.

I committed corporate punishment.

I did. Yeah.

I didn't call her back

I didn't want to become editor of that paper.

I do have big plans at this company.

I do, I do. This isn't right.

I don't care.

I don't even want to think about selling

I don't have this sales gene or whatever it is.

I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things

I don't know.

I don't know. They're both handsome.

I don't know...

I don't know... Just use the best one.

I don't like your tone.

I don't need your help,

I don't need your help!

I don't think it's gonna work out the way you think.

I don't think you get it.

I don't understand the point of the hat.

I don't want it to be someone who can be me.

I don't... oh, my God.

I entered the sale, and I hit enter and I said, "Dunh duh na dah!"

I feel like you might win the whole thing with that.

I forget nothing.

I found the needle in the haystack!

I get that. I get that.

I go over other people's heads.

I got a bunch of fun stuff,

I got in the way. I said no.

I got it.

I got it.

I got this. It's okay. Don't worry about this.

I gotta work on this.

I guess I'm not the kind of guy that's good enough

I guess that's fair.

I guess you could say I'm still in costume.

I had to write an op ed column every day: Bernard's regards

I happened to have been working a very long day that day,

I hate to say this, but...

I have always been a fighter. Sorry.

I have ambition.

I have gone through everything from the past three years.

I have no choice but to pick the hay king myself.

I have no idea why." okay.

I have nothing but ideas. The thing is, they all require money.

I have ten seconds to explain them

I help you with your things, and you help me with my things.

I just made Kevin cry.

I just wanna see how it works.

I just want everything to be back

I just wanted to make sure things weren't weird.

I know how to sit on a fence.

I know my rights, all I had to do

I learn more from Dr.** than from Dr. Froyd.

I like it.

I love it.

I love you, but I'm kind of busy,

I made a mistake.

I made some changes to my book. See if you like them.

I make everybody nervous. Aah!

I make one mistake in 15 years

I make the final decision. Period.

I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment

I mean, I know a lot of people

I mean, I'm not saying that everybody

I mean, I'm starting to think

I mean, isn't this where you fell in love?

I mean, it might help to get some context

I mean, when has that ever worked for you?

I mean, wouldn't you think

I pick..

I present to you the "rational consumer."

I really want that coupon book.

I recommend using a real camera.

I said to Ryan, "I try to call you,

I see you found our magical toy box, Jim.

I sell her those carrots.

I sent you a Facebook message yesterday,

I started to ask myself "do I have big plans here?"

I still haven't heard anything back.

I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.

I think "Lozenge" is the one who installed it.

I think an investors' ski trip, frankly, is the best idea.

I think it all comes from feeding Cece,

I think it all stems

I think she gave me her number,

I think we might be about to maybe really get somewhere.

I think we're looking real good.

I think you are wrong.

I thought it might make me feel better.

I told him that there was this one cool move

I wanna do all six hours today.

I wanna go on it again.

I wanna smash it!

I want my money back.

I want to invite you all to the Halloween party

I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse.

I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being.

I was hooked.

I was looking at a trail map,

I was probed.

I was talking to someone at corporate.

I was talking...

I was too old for, heh.

I will not sell.

I will see you all tomorrow.

I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room.

I wish they didn't, but it's policy. So, I respect it, and I just

I won't let you down.

I won't sell. And you know what?

I wonder why, uh...

I work in the warehouse.

I worked at the student newspaper,

I would like to have all the racists

I would rather go broke betting on my people

I would ride up Magnolia Street and down Azalea Lane,

I... Yes.

I'd remember talking about Jim.

I'll get it right away.

I'll take the wizard.

I'll talk to them.

I'm a beet farmer, id...

I'm a little peeved at Darryl right now.

I'm a rational consumer.

I'm betting on myself.

I'm cool!

I'm doing it.

I'm embarrassed.

I'm gonna come with you. Okay.

I'm gonna need some more time.

I'm gonna Sue this entire company

I'm good.

I'm having at my bar.

I'm hip and I'm jive,

I'm just glad we're gonna try it out.

I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point.

I'm just saying, but to, you know,

I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay.

I'm like an elephant in that way.

I'm listening.

I'm looking for new sources of revenue.

I'm not blaming you.

I'm not blind! I know exactly who he is.

I'm not Darryl.

I'm not mad. Are you mad?

I'm pretty sure I timesed it right.

I'm really sorry,

I'm sorry, nine days until what?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was a jerk.

I'm sure no one asked you to do that.

I'm terribly sorry about what happened.

I'm the office administrator!

I'm trying everything

I'm..

I've been the office administrator,

I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, and taken a multivitamin.

I've done my part for the nice guy. Now I want a bedroom set.

I've never really been a costume guy.

If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right?

If I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob,

If I have to vote for someone

If I was the real Scranton strangler,

If it's a really... really good idea,

If it's an important event that you want to remember,

If they're good ideas, I'm not gonna say no

If this works out,

If we disagree with Gabe.

If you had one word you would use to describe Darryl,

If you said "I'm sorry" in front of everybody...

If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell.

If you want us to skip this party...

If you're gonna do your job well here...

In a competitive business environment.

In between the historical reenactment of the Dunmore farm slaughters

In case my daughter ever comes over.

In the future, you need

In the middle of the day!

In the park playing with another kid.

In the world.

In this office who have money at stake

In which this sex worker, who is the protagonist...

Including "at risk for homicidal behavior."

Including a costume contest and bobbing for apples

Instead of a boycott,

Instead of making it about all your issues?

Is about the office administrator.

Is I kind of look like Michael Moore.

Is it any particular branch of Washington University?

Is making people act weird.

Is not actually worth $15,000, right?

Is price something that is important to you?

Is sit here for six hours.

Is that really how you feel about Michael's situation?

Is that you only think about the user, the experience.

Is that your salary is almost all commission.

Is there no limit to what he won't notice?

Is this job really about the money for you, Jim?

Is up 8,000% in sales.

Isn't that right? Yes. You alone do, actually.

It feels like that.

It goes through me,

It is 5:00.

It makes your job superfluous.

It was a good idea, though.

It was better down in the warehouse, you know?

It was in a fancy store,

It was weird, though; They took the pitcher

It will be a bonding experience.

It will be the scam of all scams.

It's a bad bet.

It's a great stick, right?

It's a new corporate policy.

It's actually a really great idea,

It's all guys.

It's all over.

It's just a regular idea, but there's no

It's kind a bad ass, right?

It's not even a history. Exactly.

It's not like you guys had some long relationship, right?

It's not that we don't believe in the company.

It's on the other side of town.

It's over, it's done.

It's really good. Classic.

It's saying the server went down?

Jim and Pam really don't want you to go?

Jim,

Just by screaming anything.

Just give it a whirl.

Just imagine that you're at spring break at Daytona Beach.

Just like I believe in all of you.

Just made her first sale.

Just seems kind of crazy in the way I might need right now.

Just tell her the real reason.

Just to see what they're missing.

Just wanted to say thanks again

Keep a low... You know, I look away.

Kelly! You cannot change costumes

Know what it was?

Lady gaga moves that he could do for the catwalk,

Lake Erie.

Lame.

Late every day this week.

Let it go.

Let me put my shoes on.

Let's do it to it.

Let's just say I saw

Let's just speed this up.

Let's not pretend to be unaware

Let's say you do get the money.

Like freaky good.

Like gnaw, gnaw. "why? Why didn't he?

Like next Halloween.

Like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks?

Listen, I know you really like Ryan...

Look at that!

Look at that.

Look, I know I've tapped you so hard.

Look, I'm just glad we can laugh about it,

Look, they were sold out

Look, this is a marketing campaign. You got nine days.

Looks like someone decided to dress up

Lord of the Rings stuff?

MacGruber!

MacGruber!

Madge from the warehouse

Madge.

Make a definitive statement, Gabe.

Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo.

Maybe I deserve this.

Maybe we could do it...

Maybe you've heard of it.

Me! I am your hay king!

Michael,

Michael, are you that blind?

Michael, I think that that feeling only goes one way.

Michael, I...

Michael, this is a bad idea.

Might have something to do with the prize.

Mixed Bred.

Mmm hmm.

Money!

Most like that of her father.

Must really make you think, Michael.

My bad.

My bad.

My best friend in High School, she went to Australia,

My daughter off on Sunday afternoons

My father was a man. That's all we can know.

My gym allows it.

My Uncle Eldred used to build us a maze out of hay bales

My wife passed away a few years ago.

Never!

New investors are key, though. That's actually why I came in today

Nine days, though. That's, like...

No idea where Creed came from.

No one calls Jo.

No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.

No way, Jose!

No, he didn't go behind my back,

No, I got some work to do.

No, I meant...

No, I think you should make time for it.

No, I won't even consider it.

No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else?

No, no, no, I wasn't. I was just laughing at your joke.

No, no, no.

No, no, Oscar, it's not a digital **** whistle.

No, not this weekend. Next weekend.

No, shh, Michael, listen. This cannot stand.

No, we, um...

No, what...

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Nobody here believes in this company

Nobody needs your help.

Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody.

Nope.

Nope.

Not here, no.

Not one for fancy things.

Not so matching.

Nothing. Life lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing.

Now I know.

Now that I have your attention...

Now, a lot of you have already staked out

Now, listen here, Gabe, you're too fat.

Now, today we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.

Nudity makes me uncomfortable. Okay.

Of all the other costumes, okay?

Of extravagant wealth, but instead of shopping...

Of what sells in this office.

Oh ho. That's very funny.

Oh, boom! Ohh, explosion!

Oh, dropping bombs, right? [mimics explosion]

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Hold on to your wallets, ladies.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, here's something. Mm?

Oh, I bet you do.

Oh, it's okay.

Oh, man, if I can pull this off,

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, okay. I don't think so.

Oh, our contract.

Oh, so...

Oh, that's a lot of pressure.

Oh, that's a ream of paper.

Oh, the petting zoo closes at 2:00,

Oh, this is good hay. Yeah. This is the good stuff. Mattress quality.

Oh, we don't recycle

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah.

Oh! Help!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay

Okay, all right! All right!

Okay, all right. I know what you wanna see. I'll be right back.

Okay, everybody, after you walk the runway,

Okay, everyone, I've tallied the votes.

Okay, guys, fun is fun, but...

Okay, I'm not doing every number

Okay, keep it moving.

Okay, listen, you can't treat...

Okay, moving backwards, our I.T. guys have been

Okay, next time you have a really great idea,

Okay, now I've tried everything.

Okay, now try zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one.

Okay, some of these old guys walking around naked,

Okay, sure.

Okay, that might help,

Okay, they're appearancist!

Okay, this whole "going over my head gate"

Okay, we're gonna table the hat question.

Okay, well, it can't be zero, Kev.

Okay, well, let me know if anything changes.

Okay, well, obviously,

Okay, you know what?

Okay, you know what? Fine.

Okay? But I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you first.

Okay? Darryl brought this idea to me,

Okay? Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Go ahead.

Okay. We both reserve the right to go to Jo

On anything before coming to me.

On the road? That is correct.

One is to wait for an opening and apply for it.

Only if he fails. And you know what? Ryan, I believe in you,

Ooh, all done.

Ooh, nice. Wasting time, here we go.

Ooh. You can't handle the truth.

Opening right here in this building?

Or anything that an office administrator can handle.

Or sit on it.

Or this whole place blows up.

Or we could do that together, if that sounds fun to you.

Or you're dead.

Or you're his mentor or something?

Or, "Hey, what's up with that helicopter?"

Oscar is my queen.

Oscar said Wuphf only has enough money for nine days.

Other people you care about.

Our age?

Out of the game, and I felt really bad

Over a prize worth... 40 bucks.

Pam hands me this little number.

Pam is a solid seven.

Pam is gonna choose whoever has a scent

Pam went on two dates with Danny.

Pam, can you vote for other people?

Pam, she's out.

Pam? Perfect.

Pam.

Pam's got a lot of fun stuff planned...

People appreciate that.

People are really into the costume contest this year.

Perfect. So... Excuse me, get off of there.

Pervert. You have all of our attention

Please. No, I'm not gonna... no.

Plugged into the same outlet, so...

Pretty woman their asses.

Probably about the extremes of the human physique.

Probably.

Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients.

Psychiatry is a narcissism machine.

Public school at exit 11?

Public school.

Purebred.

Put 'em down.

Put your hands together for

Raise your hand if I'm describing you.

Really do this thing our way.

Really? We're good?

Really? Who?

Right, oh..

Right, yes, yeah. Best friend/mentor.

Right. What am I saying? Rain check.

Roll in the hay, $5.

Ryan and I have the majority of shares.

Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here.

Ryan has been using the color printer for his business a lot,

Ryan, just tell us your plan.

Same button as you hit before.

Screw corporate.

Shake things up. I'm an inner guy.

She later returns, dressed in all the trappings

She was obviously in love with you.

Shut up and listen, you gay bastard.

Since right before you guys took over.

Slow. Nice and slow, honey, yeah.

So everybody can see

So I can back this up to corporate?

So I can fix it and keep my job.

So I got up and walked right out of Walter Bernard hall.

So I need you to figure this one out on your own.

So I'm not apologizing.

So I'm... I'm just gonna take care of stuff around the office

So if you suck at sales,

So is becoming CEO of this company

So long, Stanley.

So my head and my face have taken a beating.

So no need to "screw corporate."

So that's it?

So the question has to be asked...

So there's a lot of department heads.

So we can get on board

So what happened?

So what kind of statement

So when did this happen?

So why don't you just tell us what happened?

So you had the number right.

So, any ideas on how we can get over this nine day hump here?

So, four years ago,

So, from here until the end of the fiscal year, your commission will be zero.

So, I've decided to open up a second round of investment

So, if I were to call Dunder Mifflin

So, monetize that.

So, you realize I now have no reason to work, right?

So, you would think that's a good idea for me to do?

So...

So...You're all on the list.

Something happened, Jim.

Sometimes it seems like

Sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like.

Sookie!

Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us

Space heater and fan were both on high,

Spinach in a can. Powerful spinach.

Stanley just drunk OJ out of my mug

Stanley, Phyllis, Angela,

Still don't know who I am? I'll give you a hint.

Stop it. Just let us think.

Stop it. Stop. Stop. We're thinking.

Stop.

Stupid coupon booklet.

Superstar.

Sure, how long can you sustain this without a cash infusion?

Sure.

Talk to me.

Tell me everything's gonna be okay.

Tell Mike to sell.

Than get rich all by myself on some island like a castaway.

Thank God.

Thank you

Thank you, doctor, take two of these

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Good morning, sir!

Thanks

Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride.

Thanks, Erin. Sure.

That can't be right.

That does sound fun to me.

That guy is an ace.

That he's not the Scranton strangler.

That I made a mistake.

That is crazy.

That says "Gabe lewis"?

That shouldn't have been in there.

That sounds weird.

That was Darryl Philbin's.

That was weird.

That wasn't it.

That we have lower prices.

That we said anything to you.

That we're thinking about it.

That were happening at the time.

That you're office administrator

That's a good line.

That's a great...Name.

That's all behind us. Hay Place lives on.

That's all behind us. Hay Place lives on.

That's easy. Give me a hard one. That's what Oscar said.

That's enough

That's good to know

That's humorous.

That's inappropriate, Kevin.

That's just gonna keep gnawing at me.

That's like exactly sort of the idea that you had.

That's not Halloween.

That's not yours.

That's the key.

That's the main way.

That's the office, huh?

That's the password. We're in.

That's what happened.

That's your notebook? All right.

That's...

The $10 to build your own broom would include the hay

The 2011 Scranton/Wilkes barre coupon book,

The best ideas are gonna come to me.

The Cornell daily sun. This was at Cornell.

The domain name. Yeah, they do.

The first being a hard...

The first lesson of Silicon Valley, actually,

The first lesson of watching

The greatest love story ever told,

The mall, the stores, the kiosks.

The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth,

The next time I saw David Geffen was at the Buffalo Club.

The point is you just have to play

The problem, unfortunately,

The speakerphone button?

The traffic...

The trick is to do it face down

The Washington University Public Health Fund.

The way it's supposed to be.

The world sends people your way...

Then it's no longer a mistake.

Then my door is open to that.

Then we'll give her a call. Cool.

Therapists are whores.

There are a few ways to get promoted.

There are a lot of one person departments here,

There is nothing that says

There it is.

There you go. You have his email?

There's no charge to sit on the hay, is there?

These are English, uh, letters.

They need to know that it was yours.

They only want it for the initials.

They probably stole the idea anyway.

They're gonna be encouraged to offer clients

They're really upset

Think about this, you and me on our private plane,

Think about your commission cap

Think we all live in the real world here.

This guy is just trying to make money off the holiday.

This is an amazing prize.

This is embarrassing, Michael.

This is pointless. We're not getting anywhere.

This is some party, huh?

This isn't a counseling session.

This kept us secure, people.

This sucks for Jim, right?

This was your freshman year?

This whole delivery/sales idea,

Those are show bales, not play bales.

Thought you might hit me.

Three hours, we're halfway done.

To a child's imagination that's mister fork,

To be honest, I still can't believe

To be liked, isn't it?

To find a kid he liked better.

To friends and family.

To get $15,000 worth of benefits.

To get his blood pressure at the rite aid.

To get Michael's approval

To my car, after I drop

To my chickens, I'm the Scranton strangler.

To not even call her back is...

To rectify some childhood disappointment?

To throwing some darts with you guys.

Toby is the instruction card you throw away.

Today, I was thinking I would sit down with a few of the people

Tonight?

Too late.

Totally caught in the middle here.

Triple your investment by January.

Try "big boobs" with a "z."

Try zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero.

Try...

Tuna.

Tuna.

Two. I got two.

Uh oh. Okay, okay, nobody panic. Listen up, listen up.

Uh, I've got a half an hour during lunch

Uh, it was, like, eight years ago?

Uh, try "password."

Uh, why didn't you ever call Pam back?

Um, 15,000 bucks, Oscar.

Um, about three months ago,

Um, excuse me, everyone.

Um, hit the speakerphone button.

Um, I was hoping to talk to the office administrator

Um, if I'm out,

Unencumbered by instruments.

Unless you and I decide we want to talk to Jo.

Until our numbers get into the billions.

Very sorry to hear that.

W U P H F.

Wait, does anyone remember when it was set up?

Wait, is it a full moon tonight?

Wait, Ryan, so this could be over by the weekend?

Wait, she hasn't moved in a while.

Wait, so drivers are gonna be able to sell paper

Was it two? I thought it was three.

Washington University.

Watch it, watch it.

Watch it, watch it.

We already have a buyer.

We appear to have a three way tie.

We can just get a couple more people involved,

We can't have workers going straight to corporate.

We could sell, but why think so small?

We don't believe in you

We don't?

We get that guy wuphfing,

We had plans for a third,

We have an offer from Washington University.

We have nine solid days. I love these questions. Keep 'em coming.

We have one question to ask the spirit world,

We need that, right? Totally, that's great.

We need to strangle Darryl's idea

We should have been doing this a long time ago.

We signed Ceecee for the staycare,

We totally should.

We very politely indicated that he'd be welcomed back...

We were basically Romeo and Juliet.

We were gonna go on the investors' ski trip.

We will be reviewing our sales policies.

We will put it in a hat

We would never care if Andy or Kevin went to your party.

We're cool.

We're going to call them.

We're going to put them on speakerphone right now.

We're gonna leave the blinds open,

We're not interested at all.

We're not selling.

We're thinking about it. Yeah.

We're working

We've got enough food for 14 days

Wear this. Do you have your card?

Welcome to the sesame Avenue daycare center

Well, a lot of people are doing that,

Well, don't let it happen again.

Well, earlier today, I was emailing someone by the name of John Legend.

Well, excuse me.

Well, Gabe asked me if there were any really cool

Well, great.

Well, I guess it's not an evil idea,

Well, I'm sorry if it seems that way to you.

Well, it's tight, as with any start up.

Well, Jim and Pam basically begged us not to go.

Well, Jo... Now, I love reading,

Well, let me know if you need a new chair,

Well, since I have no incentive to sell,

Well, that does not sound like me.

Well, the statement that I'm making, Oscar,

Well, why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?

Well, you like that.

What a big failure you are.

What about this one?

What are you doing to make it happen?

What are you gonna do with it?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? We have a commission cap?

What Danny did to Pam

What do you want to say, Michael?

What is taking someone from behind?

What is wrong with you? What happened to you in high school?

What now?

What should we ask?

What sort of twisted mind

What the hell are they talking about?

What would that word be?

What's a bad idea?

What's a seven letter word for purse?

What's the name of the guy in the glasses, again?

What's up, Facebook?

What's up, man?

What's your money situation?

When I came to your fine estab...

When I took Mose down to the mall

When I was a freshman in college,

When I was a little kid, they couldn't get me off the hayride.

When I was in Stanford, Connecticut

When I was sitting at the table,

When our warehouse workers make deliveries,

When you send a wuphf, it goes to your home phone, cell phone,

When you work hard, you play hard around here.

When you're dealing with a large organization,

Where does Dracula like to water ski?

Where have you been? I've been waiting.

Where she powers down like a robot.

Where you feel very peaceful.

Where, like, you're best friends

Which was obviously

Which would later become my paper route...

While they have their place, are overused

While using the "f" word?

Who backstabs people in the back?

Who doesn't call a dork like that back?

Who haven't invested yet.

Who lived only two streets away from her in America.

Who she married.

Who will go into shopping malls

Whoo!

Why don't we just call the I.T. guy who set it up?

Why don't we just run out the clock

Why don't we simplify this?

Why don't witches wear panties?

Why don't you ask if Darryl is a bad friend

Why I didn't call her back on a date over four years ago?

Why would a dog do that? I don't know.

Will you tell them they're wrong?

With a trained professional.

With his friends anymore.

With the cards that you're dealt.

With the post in your mouth.

With the rich, snobby shop owner?

With their mobile phones.

With, you know, our history.

World poker tour at 2:00 A.M.:

Worse than hell.

Worth over $15,000 in savings.

Would come up with weird stories like that?

Would I get through to you?

Would I get through to you?

Would just ask a few standard questions

Would you like a tour?

Wow, okay.

Wow! This brings back memories.

Wuphf condoms!

Wuphf is about fun. That's right

Wuphf T shirts. Who wants one?

Wuphf!

Wuphf! Wuphf

Wuphf.

Yeah, and, like, everyone's gonna be there.

Yeah, but in a jokey way where you're gonna start singing.

Yeah, but just don't tell them

Yeah, here's another good idea.

Yeah, I bet it is.

Yeah, I guess I never thought of it that way, though.

Yeah, I heard you say it to Phyllis.

Yeah, instead of "Hay Place" it should be "Pay Place."

Yeah, it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work.

Yeah, sell. Sell.

Yeah, shut it, Oscar. Pam.

Yeah, so we can celebrate "Thanksgiving me your money" Day.

Yeah, well, we never even have dinner now, so...

Yeah! All right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm sorry I lied to you.

Yeah. It was, though.

Yes, I do remember saying something like that to you.

Yes, I have a dream.

Yes, I invested in Wuphf.

Yes, why don't we meet at the usual spot.

Yes, you have tapped this. Hard.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. The important thing is

Yes. Yeah.

Yikes

You actually don't think about the money. Ever.

You and I, together, go down to that store

You and me, baby

You are funny, Michael

You are so... I'm gonna...

You are the worst. I hate looking at your face.

You can't have it.

You couldn't help your marriage.

You don't have our attention

You don't have to be crazy to live here.

You don't have to point to the fact

You don't need to tart 'em up with some design.

You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back.

You gotta get used to being embarrassed.

You guys know how to get out?

You had me at "sex."

You have nine days to save everybody's money.

You honestly want to know

You know that that was my idea, right?

You know this special bond that you've always felt with Ryan,

You know what eleph... buh... this...

You know what, it made me laugh when I heard it,

You know what?

You know whose that was?

You know you can't buy that now, right?

You know, I had a great crop yield this fall.

You know, I might have actually

You know?

You made a bad call.

You make almost no money.

You may be right. I may be crazy

You met your commission cap last week

You might think he's a puppet,

You need to go back there, and you need to

You need to stop being so shy.

You never called me back, so...

You never see the lower half,

You own a bar?

You play the opponent, not the cards.

You see my costume? I'm a rational consumer.

You should have gotten credit for that, man.

You should've sent me a wuphf. A what?

You son of a bitch.

You son of a gun.

You think that I would let this happen again?

You thought I was a little dorky.

You want to know?

You went over my head, and then you lied to my face,

You will get caught.

You would

You... People don't give you enough credit.

You... People don't give you enough credit.

You'd be so strangled by now.

You'd have to spend $200,000 on crap you don't even need

You'll find this hilarious.

You're doing the wrong thing.

You're gonna lose all of our money.

You're gonna lose Michael's investment, you're gonna lose ours.

You're gonna miss out on some good ideas.

You're hilarious.

You're kidding.

You're right. We don't need a hat

You're right. You win.

You're typing "big boobs"?

Your a cappella group?

Your corner of the Wuphf empire.

Zero

57, 58.

"big mistake. Huge."

[chuckles]

[English accent] I think he's got it.

[humming Popeye theme] [laughs] yay.

[imitates bugle]

[imitating Gabe] I wanna mess everything up

$41,000. $41,500.

A few months ago.

A gentleman, who is a rich snob.

Aah! Whoa!

Admit what?

Agreed. Really?

Ahem.

All of it!

All right. That's weird.

All that color. Look at that.

Although, like, unlikely things happen

America's one big mall.

And a soy sauce packet.

And I haven't goen paid yet.

And I was raised by wolves.

At all.

Before me stands your coworker,

Boycott the steamtown mall!

But of course. Great.

Can I show you a few samples?

Come on, Michael. These are all fake stories.

Copy. Thank you.

Did something happen, Dwight?

Did you assume that I would automatically side

Did you call all my clients at the mall

Did you guys do much stuff together?

Do you have any idea how angry that is making me?

Dogs don't do that. Right?

Don't beat yourself up.

Don't forget the pipe.

Dunder Mifflin, the is Erin.

Dwight, how about this?

Dwight.

Dwight. What?

Easily.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Excuse me, sir. Yes?

For sure. Anything else?

Gabe wad.

Go get 'em, Dwight.

Good morning.

Good thing I'm here, 'cause I do nothing.

Good. All right.

Great.

Ha.

Has anyone started calling you Gabe wad yet?

Have Erin fax them back to corporate.

Hey, Danny. Hey.

Hey, do you have a second?

Hey, man, can I get a plus five?

Hey, man... Thank you.

Hey, Michael?

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Lose, you lose.

Hold on one second.

How many paper supplies and ink cartridges to go with that?

How?

I am so sorry. Oh, you're sorry?

I can't do this

I don't know.

I don't think we really need...

I don't want to say it.

I get paid $40,000 a year. Great.

I guess that's why I thought he ran away in the first place...

I just think somebody lost the paperwork.

I just thought... what did you just thought?

I just wanna... you are good.

I know what you wanna ask me.

I liked them.

I move we sell. What?

I played it once or twice with Jeff.

I promise you, that door locks.

I remember, yes.

I saw a TLC show on Kate Walsh's home office.

I think he... hey, hey, gang, quiet.

I thought he seemed fine.

I thought they were kind of cute.

I was afraid I would find him

I was here yesterday, and you refused to wait on me.

I was telling... I was telling that.

I went to the store and I pressed the buzzer,

I.

I... I'm glad Michael's getting help.

I'd like you to imagine a place

I'm just trying to help you, Michael.

I'm telling you how to do this, man.

I'm trying to... you try to help everybody.

I'm very sorry. Good sir.

If he were in accordance with our dress policy.

If someone offers you a cocktail,

In case you can't read my my my poker face...

Is he still doing his boycott?

Is one of you the office administrator?

Is that what we're here for?

Is there really?

It was beet juice.

It's a pewter wizard, holding a crystal.

It's one of the best revenge stories of all time,

It's really sad that your dog ran away,

It's very important for you

It's working

Jeff was my mother's boyfriend,

Jim, to you and me, maybe. But, come on.

Julia Roberts goes in the store, and she's like,

Just fill them out any way you want.

Knock, knock. [chuckles]

Let me know if I can help you with anything.

Look, I'm not gonna tell you

Maybe $50,000. $50,000!

Maybe something not so monochromatic.

Michael, it's up to me to check off the boxes,

Michael's been assigned six hours of mandatory counseling

Mike. In front of me

Mm hmm. Uh...

Mm hmm. Who isn't there anymore.

Mm mm.

Mm, mm mm.

Morning

No one. The door locks from the outside.

No, it... no.

No, no, no...No.

No, no, this is instead of the boycott. Yeah.

No, not $50,000.

No, you and I...And I.

No, you will not.

Nope. Okay.

Now that I own the building,

Of course.

Of course.

Office administrator.

Oh, boy.

Oh, for sure. We're just, like,

Oh, let's take the tour, Pam.

Oh, no, no, I like to think of it as the kids' place.

Oh, no, no, no... I... but I'll tell you this.

Oh, yes, I will. That mall is corrupt.

Oh! Who likes to water ski on Lake Erie?

Oh.

Okay, Dwight, we can't do that.

Okay, filled out...Good.

Okay, I can't count the hour if you don't talk.

Okay, um, the sex worker is denied service

Okay?

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Fair enough.

One hour. What?

One hour. We've done one hour.

Pam, I don't want to accuse you of anything.

Pam?

Please and thank you go a long way.

Please.

Pretty woman.

Prove it.

Right, of course.

Right.

Satchel. No, starts with an H.

Say it.

Say stuff like, "good morning, good afternoon."

Say that I'm lying, or say I have the job.

Shh. Shh shh.

So corporate got your evaluations,

So her husband and your stepdad.

So weird that there's no paperwork.

So what happened?

So you can molest me?

So you've played it before?

Statements of such a nature,

Stop, stop. No.

Tell me I'm good at sales.

Tell me.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks, yeah.

Thanks. Oh...

That is not how he seemed to me.

That was pretty good. Thank you. Please.

That's great.

That's it. Is it?

That's it. Okay.

That's right

The glasses are a little...

The mall itself, or the stores in the mall?

The unfair thing about working in sales

There it is. All right.

These are actually forks and knives from the break room.

This is plenty complicated.

This is the worst!

Toby, can I really tell you anything?

Two or three dates. It was two.

Typical...Yeah, totally. Well, congrats.

Uh, okay.

Uh, we're not interested.

Uh, what's your favorite flavor of...

Um, apparently... Pretty woman.

Unless a part of you made that mistake on purpose.

Wait a second.

Wait, I see you every day. Can I say, "good month?"

Wait, is this your place, Dwight?

Wait, less matching to appear more rich?

Wait, wait, wait.

We can do that. Right in here.

We can do this with more privacy.

We come fully equipped with a restroom,

We could play something more complicated if you'd like.

We had a safety concern.

We had a safety concern.

We present to you, for your final comments

We should start our own mall.

Welcome, children.

Well, let's not get too...

Well, tell us what it is.

Well, the other night,

Well... Okay, well, then,

Were you painting in the dark?

What did I say?

What does that mean?

What have you done for me? Oh...

What have you done for me? Well...

What? I wanna hear you tell it.

What? My place, tonight.

What? The bloodstained hands.

What? You're only 1/3 as beautiful

What...No. We're gonna head outside.

What's something you did that...

When I hear myself say it, it just sounds ridiculous.

Who can I speak to in this office

Who will be watching the children?

Who's Jeff?

Why didn't I think of this before?

Why?

Will do.

Will do.

Wish us luck.

Wuphf from Ryan Howard. Decided to sell company.

Yeah, I liked them too. I can't see.

Yeah, something happened. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you know what,

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah. Come on.

Yeah. Well, as I'm sure you know,

Yeah. What happened, Dwight?

Yes, absolutely, right away.

Yes, but you had me so worked up

Yes, I did.

Yes, I will. I will talk all right.

Yes, yes, they are all fake stories.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. You remember that.

You bitch, God! Michael.

You don't make a mistake on purpose, Toby.

You don't wanna know.

You filled them in and faxed them yourself.

You forged them. You forged the forms.

You guys know me, you know that I'm...

You guys know me, you know that I'm...

You know what, Dwight?

You know what, Michael?

You made a big mistake! Huge!

You marked "severe" in all the categories,

You remember my cousin Mose?

You said no to this one. That's... okay.

You work on commission, don't you?

You're good... you're good at sales.

You're very helpful, aren't you?

Your shirt and tie are disgusto barfo.

...wherever I wanted.

'cause I really think I made good use of my day.

'cause I thought you seemed a little...

'cause I'm here for one thing: Revenge.

'Cause otherwise, we can't do any work

'cause she's so blech.

"'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'"

"a"..

"and I could just be like this little dog going,

"and you don't have your phone.

"Big boobs."

"did your mom ever see you naked?"

"Drama queen"? "Nosy"?

"e"...

"Glasses," "Turban," "Ear Hair," "Fatty 3,"

"h". No.

"He's up there." "What's he dropping?"

"I love you, you gay bastard," I said.

"I try to I.M. you, and you're not online.

"I was in here yesterday, and you people wouldn't help me."

"I wish there was a way that I could do everything all at once,

"It's Ry from Wuphf!"

"It's Ry, the Wuphf guy!"

"Pay Place."

"s".

"s"...

"Shorts," "Fatty 2," "Lozenge" and "Fatso."

"t".

"with all the hotties in the Wuphf shirts?"

"Wow, what's falling on us, man?"

"Yo, Ry from Wuphf!"

"You gay bastard," I...

"you girls work on commission, right?"

"You're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat."

[applause]

[applause]

[beep, line ringing]

[bleep] you, Gabe.

[cheerful music]

[cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

[click, dial tone]

[dial tone, beep]

[dial tone]

[door slams]

[gasps] Kelly.

[growling]

[high pitched] six seconds, MacGruber!

[high pitched] two seconds, MacGruber!

[howls]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] okay. What's that in your shirt?

[laughter]

[malicious laugh]

[Michael laughs]

[murmurs] [chuckles]

[normal voice] okay.

[people chattering]

[phone ringing]

[rips piece of paper]

[scattered applause] really?

[sets phone down]

[snickering]

[upbeat music]

[whispering] I don't think that she would leave Jim

♪ get a jolt from my electrode ♪

♪ grooving from side to side ♪

♪ Igor on chains backed by his baying hounds ♪

♪ the monster mash ♪

♪ they did the mash ♪

♪ they did the monster mash ♪

♪ they did the monster mash ♪

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

$41,000, I think.