Home Movies - Season 2 Edit

A LITTLE TOO MUCH ON YOUR FILMS.

A TEAM?

A TEST OF MORALS, AND YOU KNOW, TODAY,

ABOUT DESTROYING THE HUMAN RACE,

ABOUT THE AREA 51 STUFF AND THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT

AHEM, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

AHEM. YEAH, HEY LOOK,

AHH!

ALECK? I'M NOT ALECK.

ALL PRINCIPLE PHOTOGRAPHY HERE, OK?

ALL RIGHT, GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, I'VE GOT TWO. TWO TO SELL.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, BRENDON, WHY DO WE DO THIS?

ALL RIGHT, LOOK. OH, THERE THEY ARE.

ALL RIGHT, SO NOW YOU GOT HER

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DID I TELL YOU AGAIN?

ALL RIGHT, YOU MEET HER SOMEWHERE,

ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. YOU FOLLOWING?

ALL THAT STUFF IS TRUE, BRENDON, ALL RIGHT?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN.

All: HELP US!

All: OH, NO! WE'RE IN OUTER SPACE!

Allison: SHE'S WHAT?

Allison: SORRY. SWEETHEART?

Allison: SPEAKING.

Allison: THE TWO OF YOU SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.

Allison: WELL, THAT'S TOUGH, ISN'T IT?

Allison: YES. HI.

ALLISON?

AM I IN TROUBLE?

AM THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THIS, OUR COUNTRY.

AN ADDITIONAL TRIP FOR THE MENU

AND BEFORE I FORGET, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME

AND BOUGHT THE TICKETS TO THE OPERA, SEE?

AND FINALLY YOU, THE MERMAID QUEEN.

AND GO FIND OUT HOW HOT DOGS ARE MADE.

AND GO ON AND LIVE THEIR GREAT LIVES.

AND HAS WASHINGTON ON THE COVER?

AND HAVE A FANTASTIC EVENING TALKING ABOUT SOCCER.

AND I AM ANNIE OAKLEY!

AND I AM PICASSO!

AND I CAN TYPE, BRENDON, THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE HERE.

AND I FIGURE I CAN MAKE A LITTLE MONEY ON THE SIDE TUTORING YOU.

AND I GUESS I PAINT, TOO. NEXT!

AND I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

AND I MEAN THAT ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID.

AND I THOUGHT I WAS FINISHED

AND I'D LIKE TO START TUTORING YOU AFTER SCHOOL.

AND I'D LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE.

AND I'LL UNDERSTAND

AND I'M JUST A MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT

AND I'M OLIVER TWIST.

AND I'M STILL EMBARRASSED.

AND I'M STILL WRITING MY MASTERPIECE CALLEDCATS.

AND I'M THE MERMAID QUEEN.

AND IF EVIL COMES, WE'LL BE READY.

AND MAILED IT OFF TO AN EX GIRLFRIEND,

AND MOST OF THE OTHER STUFF YOU TOLD ME NEVER CAME UP.

AND NEITHER DO THE OTHER 4.

AND NOBODY ELSE WOULD BE HEARING IT.

AND NOW I SEEK MY REVENGE ON THE HUMAN RACE.

AND NOW WE'RE BACK.

AND THAT'LL BE ALL. ANYTHING ELSE?

AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE TO HELP US OUT HERE!

AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE.

AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE

AND THEN, YOU KNOW, HE'D HAVE TO MAKE

AND THEY'RE WILLING TO SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, OK?

AND TWO SODAS, AND THAT'S IT

AND UH, IT'S... I DON'T KNOW IF YOU EVER CHARGED ANYTHING

AND USE THE COUNTRY CLUB FOR A DAY.

AND WE COULD BE HERE ALL DAY.

AND WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING SOMETIME.

AND WE START WITH SHAKESPEARE.

AND WE'LL MEET THEM

AND WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE!

AND WE'RE HERE, YOU KNOW?

AND WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE TICKETS,

AND WHO HE IS, YOU KNOW,

AND WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?

AND YOU DON'T STUDY FOR ANY TESTS...

AND YOU GUYS DON'T.

AND YOU, I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOU BEFORE,

AND YOU'LL BE NEXT, OLIVER TWIST.

AND YOU'RE TYPING AT THE TABLE

AND YOURS IS FINE, RIGHT?

AND, I'M SORRY, WHY NOT AFTER?

ANNIE OAKLEY... WHEN YOU...

ANYWAY, YOU HAVE A COUPLE DRINKS, RIGHT?

ARE PROBABLY WORKING ON DIFFERENT PROJECTS

ARE YOU JASON?

ARE YOU NOT HAVING FUN?

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

AS LONG AS SHE BELIEVES

AS WE SPEAK.

AS YOU WISH.

AT THE HANDS OF DADDY WARBUCKS,

AY, WOO... HOW ARE YOU?

AYE!

AYE! AYE!

B HOW ARE YOU?

BACK AT YOUR PLACE, RIGHT?

BE THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

BECAUSE I COULD CHARGE IT TO MY ACCOUNT

BECAUSE I HATE DISCUSSING GRADES WITH MR. LYNCH,

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SAVE SO MUCH MONEY NOT PAYING FOR YOU TO GO TO FILM SCHOOL.

BECAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO TODAY.

BECAUSE IF YOU LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE COULD A...

BECAUSE IN A TEST, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

BECAUSE THE REASON I SAY THAT IS

BECAUSE THEY WILL HAVE DONE THAT THINGY.

BECAUSE THIS IS PERSONAL, AND EVERYBODY PROBABLY HEARD THAT.

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GREAT PHYSIQUE.

BECAUSE YOU'RE FAILING HISTORY.

BECAUSE YOU'RE IN ON IT, NOW YOU'RE COMPLICIT,

BECAUSE YOU'RE IN ON IT.

BECAUSE YOU'RE SLOW!

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STARTED SEEING THIS OTHER TUTOR.

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE'S SLOW AS IT IS

BEING RELATED TO THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

BEYOND A CERTAIN AGE,

BIRD FEEDING SIDE

BORN IN 1492, FREER OF THE SLAVES,

Both: WOE AS PREDICTED IN THE PROPHECY ROCKS.

BRENDON CASE CLOSED.

BRENDON, BRENDON, BRENDON,

BRENDON, HERE, LOOK.

BRENDON, I'M SORRY,

BRENDON, SO WHAT?

BRENDON, STOP. I THINK I GOT IT.

BRENDON, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

BRENDON, WHAT'S GOING ON?

BRENDON, WHY ARE YOU SHAKING?

BRENDON, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK?

BRENDON, WHY DON'T YOU STUDY?

BRENDON, WHY NOT? IT'S PERFECT.

BRENDON, YOU KNOW,

BRENDON, YOU MIND COMING UP HERE FOR A SECOND?

BRENDON, YOU OK?

BRENDON, YOU SHOULD CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY

Brendon: APPRECIATE IT.

Brendon: NOT LIKE A SOFTBALL TEAM,

BRENDON?

BRENDON? YES?

BRENDON.

BRENDON...

BRENDON... YEAH?

BRING IN THE HOSTAGES!

BRRR...BRRR...

BUT A SECOND AGO YOU SAID YOU WERE

BUT BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

BUT CALL ME IF YOU THINK OF ANYTHING.

BUT FRIDAY AT 7:00 SOUNDS GREAT.

BUT HAVE EITHER OF YOU THOUGHT ABOUT HOW WE'D DO IT?

BUT HE'S THE TEACHER.

BUT I ALSO FELT SORRY FOR YOU

BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING

BUT I NO DO NOTHING WRONG,

BUT I THINK THE PROBLEM HERE IS

BUT I TOLD DWAYNE AND THOSE GUYS

BUT I WAS WONDERING

BUT IT'LL MAKE FOR A GOOD SURPRISE ENDING.

BUT IT'S CALLED "HOMEWORK."

BUT LET'S PLAY AROUND JUST A LITTLE.

BUT LISTEN, I'M DYING TO GET TOGETHER WITH YOU.

BUT OH NO, I'M FEELING A LITTLE TIPSY...

BUT OH, NO. I FORGOT THE TICKETS.

BUT OH, NO. I FORGOT THE TICKETS.

BUT TO CHEAT ON YOUR TEST...

BUT WE MIGHT STILL ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY

BUT WHAT IF THEY KILL OFF THE HUMAN RACE?

BUT WHAT?

BUT WRONG.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,

BUT, I CAN DEFINITELY GET YOU IN,

BUT, MOM, I'M GETTING PRESSURED BY MELISSA AND JASON

BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT YOU'RE FAILING.

BY THE THE WAY.

BYE BYE! SEE YOU LATER!

CAN WE GET PIZZA? PERFECT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

CAN YOU COME WITH ME, PLEASE?

CANNONBALL!

CANNONBALL!

Captain: NICE KNOWING YOU, STARBOY.

CHEATING ON YOUR TEST, PAULA?

Child: I HATE OATMEAL.

COME ON.

COME WITH ME.

COMPLIMENT HIM!

CONGRATULATIONS ON LOSING ALL THAT WEIGHT,

CONGRATULATIONS! HA! HA! HA! HA!

CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY.

COULD YOU PUT A TOWEL ON YOUR CHAIR?

COUNTRY CLUB. GETTING KICKED OUT

CYNTHIA.

CYNTHIA. I AM SO SORRY.

DA, DA, DA, DA. LIFE IS A TEST, PAULA.

DETENTION.

DID THE...

DID YOU ENJOY IT? MM...YES.

DID YOU FINISH YOUR OATMEAL?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GET EASILY DISTRACTED?

DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND CURRENTLY?

DO YOU HAVE ANY HEAD SHOTS?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO MY FATHER IS?

DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT WAS

DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT DOGS ARE MADE?

DO YOU LIKE GRILLED CHEESE?

DOES THAT MAKE IS IT NO?

DOES THIS COME AS A SURPRISE TO YOU?

DON'T ANSWER RIGHT NOW. JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

DON'T ANSWER.

DON'T LISTEN, MR. PANTS!

DON'T SPLASH ME, PLEASE.

DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY FROM YOU?

DON'T TREAT US LIKE IDIOTS.

DUE TO PERSONAL FEMALE THINGS.

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

EH, LA CAPITAN DE LA UTRO ESPACIO?

EVERYTHING WENT WELL?

EW. IT LOOKS LIKE IT FELL IN A PUDDLE.

EXACTLY, YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT THE UPPER HAND.

EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU HERE FOR

EXCUSE ME, SIR!

EXCUSE ME. ARE THESE PEOPLE FRIENDS OF YOURS?

FAILED EVERYTHING.

FANTASTIC. YOU WANNA GO OUT TO EAT TONIGHT?

FASTER! FASTER!

FINE WITH ME.

FINE. HOW'S YOURS?

FLORISTS LOVE FLOWERS.

FOR IMPERSONATING A MEMBER.

FOR KILLING OFF THE HUMAN RACE.

FOR MYSELF AND FOR HER,

FOR THE HEARING OF THE THING.

FOR TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE.

FOR WE MUST UPHOLD DEMOCRACY.

FOREMOTHERS, HUH?

FREE FOOD, THE CHARGE ACCOUNT.

FROM THE WINE,

FUNNY, SMART, GOOD LOOKING GO GETTER,

GET THEM, MR. PANTS!

GET THEM, MR. PANTS!

GET THEM!

GET YOUR OWN LEMONADE. I'M BUSY FLYING THE SPACE PLANE.

GETTING KICKED OUT OF THAT CLUB?

GO FORTH AND CONQUER.

GO TO THE COUNTRY CLUB.

GOOD BYE, BRENDON.

GOOD. GOOD.

GOOD. IT WENT WELL.

GREAT! TELL HER WE'RE OUT OF MILK WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

GREAT.

GREAT. FANTASTIC.

GREAT. NICE KNOWING YOU.

GREAT. WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE BEEN A FAT HAG, LIKE ME?

GUESS I'LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.

GUYS, SHUT UP.

HA! HA! HA!

HA! HA! HA! HA!

HAD FUNNY HAIR. YEAH.

HANDS PARALYZED.

HAPPENS TO BE DRY.

HAPPENS TO BELONG TO A COUNTRY CLUB,

HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT?

HE ISN'T?

HE KNOWS MY WEAKNESSES.

HE WAS A BREWER AND A PATRIOT,

HE WAS THE ONE WHO DISCOVERED WASHINGTON STATE?

HE'S EVIL?

HELLO, IS THIS ALLISON?

HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO? ALLISON? HELLO?

HELLO? HEY, MOM. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HELLO.

HELP!

HELP!

HELP! HELP!

HELP! OH, GOD! IT BURNS!

HERE TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN?

HERE WE GO.

HEY MYSELF NOW, IN FRONT OF THEM?

HEY, BRENDON, WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY AT ME FOR, ALL RIGHT?

HEY, HOW DID THE TYPING TEST GO?

HEY, I'LL BE AROUND AFTERWARDS

HEY, IT'S ME, JOHN McGUIRK.

HEY, LET'S NOT COMPLICATE THINGS WITH THE WAITER,

HEY, LOOK, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY, LOOK. LOOK.

HEY, LORRAINE.

HEY, SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT THOSE GUYS ARE UP TO SOMETHING,

HEY, THANKS A HUNDRED, CAP'N.

HEY, THANKS.

HEY, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

HEY, UH, WHY CAN'T STARBOY

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. HOW DID YOU GET ME TO GET YOU LEMONADE?

HEY, WE'RE CALLING YOUR MOTHER AND THAT'S FINAL.

HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CAP?

HEY, YOURSELF.

HEY! COME ON! LET ME FINISH!

HEY.

HEY.

HEY.

HI, DR. LIEBOWITZ.

HI, TWO GRILLED CHEESES, PLEASE,

HISTORICAL FIGURES.

HMM. NOT SO FOND OF THE EXECUTION OF THE SURPRISE.

HMM...

HMM...

HMM...I THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO GET YOU TO FOCUS.

HOLD ON TO THEM, ANNIE OAKLEY.

HOMEWORK.

HOT HOT!

HOW ARE YOU?

HOW ARE YOU?

HOW DID YOU DO?

HOW'S YOUR TYPING?

HUH, REAL NICE! YEAH, IT IS.

HUH, WELL...

HUH.

HUH. PROBABLY GET HER SOME FLOWERS.

HUH...

I I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.

I ACTUALLY ALREADY HAVE A TUTOR, MR. LYNCH.

I AM GEORGE WASHINGTON!

I AM NOT A CROOK!

I AM PICASSO!

I AM PREPARED TO HEAR THE THING.

I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT.

I BELIEVE NOW IS THE TIME WE SET ASIDE

I CAN EXPLAIN. I, UH, I LIED.

I CAN'T I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO HER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS ATTRACTED TO YOU.

I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WEAR.

I CUT OFF MY EAR WITH A RAZOR IN A MAJOR SHAVING ACCIDENT

I DIDN'T BUILD IT.

I DIDN'T REALIZE SOMEONE WAS ALREADY ON THE LINE.

I DON'T I'M A LITTLE, YOU KNOW, DISAPPOINTED IN YOU TWO.

I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR PARENTS' NAMES.

I DON'T GET IT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO SPEND ALL MY TIME

I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS HE WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT?

I DON'T KNOW, YOU TWO GUYS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T TEST WELL, OK?

I DON'T LIE ALL THE TIME.

I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, BRENDON,

I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THIS.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE ENERGY RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE TO BE TUTORED.

I DON'T THINK THAT COUNTED AS A TEST,

I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER THE WAITER AGAIN.

I EVEN WENT THROUGH

I FEEL FAT.

I GOT AN "F"?

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, CHIEF, I'M A WAITER.

I GOT TO ADMIT, BRENDON, I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

I GUESS I COULD EAT.

I HAD NO IDEA I LET MYSELF SLIP LIKE THAT.

I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE OPERA IN YEARS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THE THING.

I HOPE HE DOESN'T TALK TO ME NEXT.

I HOPE THAT WASN'T A PROBLEM.

I JUST I'M SPEECHLESS.

I JUST DO IT WHEN I FEEL

I JUST DON'T

I JUST MADE UP MY MIND. I'M GONNA DO IT.

I KNOW ABOUT HIM.

I KNOW.

I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I LIKED THE LAST THING YOU DID,

I LIKED WHERE YOU WERE GOING, THOUGH. MAYBE IF IT WERE

I MADE THAT ONE UP.

I MEAN, I'M HERE AND I'M TRYING TO TAKE THIS TEST,

I MEAN, LET'S JUST GO THEN

I SAID PARDON ME FOR CARING ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING.

I SAW IT COMING.

I SAY YOU'RE GOING, AND THAT'S FINAL!

I SEE.

I SHOULD BE MAD AT YOU

I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD GET COOKING ON THAT.

I THINK IT'S ADORABLE.

I THINK THAT'S STILL BAD NEWS.

I THOUGHT I HAD SOMETHING THERE.

I THOUGHT WE MADE DECISIONS TOGETHER.

I THOUGHT WE WORKED ON HISTORY.

I THOUGHT WE'D USE ROCKS.

I THOUGHT YOU...

I WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM, YOU KNOW.

I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE I'M A CHILD, OK?

I WAS A BODY BUILDER?

I WAS PARALYZED WITH FEAR, THOUGH.

I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS THIS GIRL.

I WILL ADMIT THERE IS A SMALL PROBLEMS WITH THE MULTIPLICATIONS.

I WILL LEAD US INTO THE DEMISE OF ALL HUMANS.

I WONDER IF YOU'RE A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED.

I WOULD HAVE HAD THEY ASKED ME ABOUT IT.

I WOULDN'T HAVE TO TAKE TESTS ANYMORE,

I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THE HISTORY TEST YOU TOOK YESTERDAY.

I'D LIKE TO RESCHEDULE THE TEST.

I'D RATHER NOT.

I'LL BE HONEST, MR. LYNCH.

I'LL NEED A MOMENT TO PROCESS THIS.

I'LL SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL TODAY.

I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

I'M I'M SO EXCITED.

I'M A LIAR.

I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.

I'M A SOCCER COACH FOR KIDS. THAT'S ALL.

I'M ACTUALLY GREAT.

I'M CONCERNED THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE I WAS THINKING,

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SOME TEA.

I'M GOOD. I JUST LEFT MY STUPID BAG HERE.

I'M JUST PICKING IT UP.

I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR SOCCER COACH.

I'M LIKE A SEXLESS JOHN GLENN.

I'M NOT EXACTLY FOLLOWING.

I'M NOT LETTING YOU USE YOUR CAMERA FOR TWO WEEKS.

I'M NOT SEEING ANYBODY!

I'M SHAKESPEARE.

I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. HOLD ON.

I'M SORRY, JIM.

I'M SORRY, JOHN, CAN YOU HOLD ON?

I'M SORRY, JOHN, HOLD ON.

I'M SORRY, WHO IS THIS?

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY. I DID NOT KNOW.

I'M SORT OF CONCERNED, THOUGH, ABOUT YOUR BRAINS.

I'M SUPPOSED TO CALL HER

I'M THE STARBOY?

I'VE BEEN STUDYING THEM FOR A LONG TIME.

I'VE COLLECTED MANY ROCKS. ROCKS!

IF I CAN THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO,

IF I DIDN'T THINK I WAS SMART.

IF I MAKE THEM THE SAME PERSON, WE'VE GOT NO STORY.

IF THEY WERE THE SAME PERSON.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THE DATE,

IF YOU HAVE SOME TIME.

IF YOU JUST STUDIED, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

IF YOU WANT TO CHAT, HMM?

IF YOU WANTED TO MAYBE GO OUT

IN A WAY, BRENDON, I AM A HERO.

IN FACT, I'M A FANTASTIC TYPIST. LISTEN TO THIS.

IN THE NIXON VOICE THAT I TAUGHT YOU.

IN YOUR PLACE, WITH THE GIRL.

IS ANOTHER CHARACTER THAT WE MEET LATER.

IS CYNTHIA THERE?

IS EVERYTHING OK?

IS GOING TO TURN YOUR TWO WORLDS UPSIDE DOWN.

IS INTRODUCE YOU TO MY KILLING MACHINE,

ISN'T THIS GREAT?

IT GIVES US AN IDEA

IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD SOMETIMES.

IT WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING.

IT WILL SHATTER AND SHAKEN

IT'S A CLASSIC.

IT'S A JUNIOR HIGH? HMM...

IT'S A LIFE QUALITY ISSUE, MELISSA.

IT'S ALSO A PORN MOVIE.

IT'S FUN BEING A KID, YOU KNOW?

IT'S IMPORTANT, YOU KNOW

IT'S JUST CLUB POLICY.

IT'S JUST THAT IT'S NOT HYGIENIC TO BE SITTING ON THAT.

IT'S JUST THAT MY FAMILY

IT'S KINDA TOUGH IN THIS TOWN, BRENDON,

IT'S LORRAINE CHRISTENSON. I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

IT'S ON THE LABEL.

IT'S ON WASHINGTON STREET?

IT'S PART OF BEING A WOMAN,

IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.

IT'S VERY BIG.

IT'S WHAT I GET

JASON, YOU'RE BEING RUDE.

JOHN McGUIRK, FROM HIGH SCHOOL?

JOHN McGUIRK...

John: OH, MY GOD. SHE'S GORGEOUS.

JUST FOR LAUGHS

JUST NOT WHEN THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, IT'S FAIRLY DISTURBING.

JUST USUALLY IT DOESN'T TAKE 1/2 HOUR

KEEP IT GOING.

KEEP YOUR WRISTS STRAIGHT AT ALL TIMES.

LET ME PUT THIS ANOTHER WAY:

LET ME TAKE OVER, JIM.

LET'S GO BACK TO THE HOT DOG FACTORY.

LET'S GO TO THE PARK OR SOMETHING?

LET'S HEAR IT.

LET'S HIT IT.

LIFE IS A TEST.

LIFE IS A TEST.

LIKE A SACK RACE TEAM,

LIKE AS FAR AS LIKE A REPRESENTATIVE?

LIKE CAN YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THAT?

LIKE JIMMY HOFFA?

LIKE WHAT, STARBOY?

LIKE WHAT?

LISTEN TO ME FOR A MINUTE

LISTEN, YOU LITTLE SMART ALECK.

LIVING A HARD LIFE, MY ONLY SALVATION CAME

LOOK KID, WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT A MEMBER.

LOOK, BRENDON, I WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO HELP YOU

LOOK, BUDDY, YOU CAN'T GO AROUND

LOOK, DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY, BRENDON.

LOOK, HERE'S AN OLD TRICK, RIGHT?

LOOK, I AM JUST SAYING,

LOOK, I JUST I

LOOK, I WAS EMBARRASSED ABOUT WHO I WAS,

LOOK, LOOK, I GOTTA RUN,

LOOK, LOOK, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE ENTIRE MOVIE YET.

LOOK, THE POINT IS, BRENDON, THIS GIRL, SYLVIA

LOOK, UM, IF YOU WANT TO IMPRESS CYNTHIA, RIGHT,

LOOK, WE'RE BEING WATCHED BY STARBOY

LOOKS LIKE WE WON, EH, STARBOY?

LORRAINE! WHAT?

LOTS OF ROCKS.

LYING TO PEOPLE YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

MAN, YOU SURE KNOW A LOT ABOUT WOMEN, COACH.

Man: HELLO?

Man: HI, LISTEN, IF YOU'RE GOING OUT

Man: I'M SORRY, SWEETHEART.

Man: OK. ALLISON?

Man: SO, I GET THE SENSE THAT YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR TIMES TABLES.

Man: WAITER?

MAY I HAVE YOUR TEST THEN?

MAYBE I WILL!

MAYBE IF IT WERE MORE LIKE ABOUT STARBOY

MAYBE WE'RE JUST EXPLORING. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

ME, TOO.

ME, TOO.

MELISSA, I THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

Melissa: BRENDON.

Melissa: IT'S REALLY NICE. Brendon: IT'S REALLY NICE.

MEOW?

MEOW.

MM HMM.

MM...HOW DO THEY MAKE HOT DOGS ANYWAY?

MM...YEAH.

MM...YES, GOOD STUFF THERE.

MOM, CAN YOU PASS THE TYPEWRITER, PLEASE?

MOM, THESE GUYS WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

MORONS, PAULA?

MOST OF THE ACTORS

MOVE AWAY FROM CRAPPY TWO BIT TOWNS LIKE THIS, RIGHT?

MR. PANTS!

MR. PANTS! THERE THEY ARE!

MR. PANTS.

MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU, SIR.

MUCH, MUCH MORE HOMEWORK.

MUST'VE SKIPPED A GENERATION.

MY FALLEN ANGEL, HOW ARE WE

MY GOD, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?

MY MOM LOVES FLOWERS, YOU KNOW?

MY MONEY'S ON THEM BEING UP TO SOMETHING, BUT WHAT?

MY PLEASURE.

MY, AREN'T YOU A BIG BOY?

NAH, IT'S PROBABLY FINE.

NO REASON.

NO ROCKS!

NO, LET'S HEAR THE ADDRESS

NO, MORE LIKE WASHINGTON.

NO, NO

NO, NO, I KNOW HOW TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.

NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY,

NO, NO, NO.

NO, NOT NOTHING. SOMETHING. SOMETHING.

NO, YOU GOT I THINK I

NO, YOU IDIOTS! ROCKS!

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT,

NO, YOU KNOW,

NO, YOU WOULDN'T, BECAUSE YOU KNOW ABOUT IT NOW

NO!

NO! I'M TOO YOUNG,

NO? NO.

NO? WELL HOW ABOUT MY MOTHER?

NO.

NO.

NO. I'M SICK OF SWIMMING.

NO. JUST IT'S THIS IS A FANCY CLUB

NO. LOOK, I CAN'T STAY,

NOPE. THERE IT IS AND THERE YOU GO.

NOT A MEMBER YET.

NOT EVEN OUR FOREFATHERS.

NOT NOT A MEMBER? I DON'T

NOT TO WORRY, MY EVIL ONES,

NOT YET 'CAUSE WE'RE TOO CLOSE TO IT.

NOTHING IRREPARABLE HAS HAPPENED HERE.

NOTHING.

NOTHING. JUST SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T,

NOTHING. THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. NOTHING.

NOTHING. WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING. WHERE ARE YOU?

NOW YOU KNOW. RIGHT.

NOW YOU'RE SINGLED OUT. SURE.

NOW, GO GET ME A LEMONADE, HUH?

NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON?

NOW, WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT ON A TEST?

NOW, WOULDN'T, THEORETICALLY,

OF COURSE.

OF COURSE. THAT'S WHY YOU RESCHEDULE THE OPERA.

OF SPENDING YOUR FAMILY'S MONEY

OF THE ALIENS THAT LANDED ON EARTH.

OF WHAT?

OF WHERE WE CAN PLACE YOU.

OH BOY! OH, LOOK AT THAT!

OH, BOY.

OH, DON'T WORRY, IT'S, YOU KNOW

OH, GOD.

OH, GOD. THANK YOU.

OH, GREAT. I'M GONNA REWIND THE TAPE.

OH, I DIDN'T I'M SORRY.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

OH, I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, I WILL. DEFINITELY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH, IS THAT SO?

OH, MAN.

OH, MAN. I FAILED, DIDN'T I?

OH, NO REASON,

OH, NO, BRENDON. I TOLD THEM TO MEET ME HERE.

OH, NO, SEE I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA

OH, NO, WE NEED THE STARBOY

OH, NO!

OH, NO! THEY'RE CONFUSING MR. PANTS WITH COMPLIMENTS!

OH, OH MY GOSH. UH...FEMALE THINGS.

OH, OH, I SEE.

OH, OH.

OH, PAULA, I DON'T TEST WELL.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. YEAH.

OH, RIGHT, WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT.

OH, RIGHT. NO, THAT MAKES SENSE. YEAH.

OH, SEE, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

OH, SO, YOU'VE SEEN MY TEST.

OH, THERE IT IS.

OH, WELL, WELL. HELLO AGAIN.

OH, WELL, WELL. HELLO AGAIN.

OH, WHERE THE "M"?

OH, WHOOPS.

OH, WHY THE HELL DID I TELL HER

OH, YEAH, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, YEAH? WHO? NIXON.

OH, YEAH. THAT WAS JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

OH, YOU ALREADY HAVE A TUTOR, HUH? WHO'S THAT?

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW, HMM?

OH, YOU GUYS ARE HAVING OATMEAL FOR DINNER, HUH?

OH, YOU KNOW, UH...

OH! WE NEARLY FORGOT ABOUT OUR PRISONERS!

OH.

OH...

OH...EHH...

OK, HOLD YOUR HORSES,

OK, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT STARBOY

OK, I THINK WE'RE GETTING CLOSER TO THIS.

OK, I'M WILLING TO PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE, OK?

OK, LET'S BACK UP A LITTLE.

OK, LOOK, I WANT US TO WORK ON THIS,

OK, LOOK, WE'VE ALREADY SHOT

OK, ME TOO.

OK, OK, LOOK...

OK, ONLY IF I CAN CALL YOURS.

OK, PULL IT TOGETHER, G.W.

OK, SO THEN, TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT WASHINGTON.

OK, UH, THANK YOU THEN, SIR.

OK, WHOA, STOP. STOP.

OK!

OK! I GOT YOU!

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK. I WILL. OK.

OK. WELL, THAT'S FINE.

OK. YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER?

OK...OK, SO WE'RE KILLING THE HOSTAGES?

ON A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.

ON MY THING, THOUGH, YOU KNOW?

ON THAT, WHAT I THINK IS YES, AS IN CORRECT.

ON THOSE GRADES OF MINE?

ON WHAT DO I THINK? YES.

ON WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ON WHAT? ON WHAT?

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

ONE SECOND.

ONE WORD PINECONE BIRD FEEDER.

ONLY CARE ABOUT TYPING,

OR IN YOUR CASE PROBABLY BEER.

OR TWO PERSON, LIKE PING PONG.

OR YOUR PARENTS. OR GOD.

PARDON ME FOR CARING ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING.

PARDON ME, MR. PANTS.

PARTICULARLY MY GRADES.

Picasso: EVIL GEORGE WASHINGTON...

PLEASE DON'T KILL THE MERMAID QUEEN!

PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR MR. PANTS!

PLEASE, MY EVIL FRIENDS, ONE MOMENT.

PLEASE.

POOH!

PRETTY BIG, HUH?

PROBABLY WHY THEY FAILED YOU, YOU KNOW?

QUICKLY, CAPTAIN, UNTIE THEM AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

REAL NICE. I'M NOT THE SLOW ONE.

REALLY? COULD YOU TELL 'EM I'M BUSY OR SOMETHING?

REALLY? I THOUGHT UM, HMM...REALLY?

REMEMBER THOSE THINGS WITH THE COVER LIKE ON THEM?

REVENGE! THE TIME IS NOW!

RIGHT NOW, I'M ROUTING THE JEFFERSON'S FACE FLAME TOWARDS EARTH.

RIGHT O, STARBOY.

RIGHT, WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT?

RIGHT? OR THE GOVERNMENT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT. ALL RIGHT?

RIGHT. AND HAVE GREAT SUCCESS.

RIGHT. FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT.

RIGHT. WE FORGOT. WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM.

ROCKS!

SAVE US!

Second Child: MOM, CATHY'S PUTTING THE OATMEAL DOWN THE SINK.

SEE, CAN WE TALK ABOUT ME NOW?

SEE, I DON'T KNOW.

SEE, I LIKE THE IDEA

SEE, MOM, YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME

SEE, THIS IS ALL YOU'VE SEEN SO FAR, SO...

SHE BE DISAPPOINTED?

SHE'S TOO FAR GONE.

SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER I WAS FAT.

SHUT UP!

SICK ALREADY?

SILENCE!

SO THAT'S EXTRA WEIRD, ALL RIGHT?

SO THIS IS IT, THEN? YEAH, THIS IS IT.

SO WE CAN'T POSSIBLY GO TO THE OPERA.

SO YOU GUYS ENJOY YOURSELVES.

SO YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE DON'T NEED

SO, BRENDON, HOW'S THE STARBOY THING GOING?

SO, HOW DID WE DO?

SO, IT'S TOTALLY UP TO YOU.

SO, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT TO...

SOMETHING, MY BROTHER, MY ACTUBROTHER.

SORRY, I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT, ALLISON,

SORRY. UH, SORRY.

SPELLING.

STARBOY AND I ARE MAKING A FILM.

STARBOY AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE WILL SOON BE NO MORE!

STARBOY, SERIOUSLY, WE SHOULD STOP SCREWING AROUND,

Starboy: COME ON! LET'S GO, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE!

Starboy: OR OUR FOREMOTHERS!

STICK WITH THIS TOWN.

STILL, YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED TILL I GOT OUT?

STUFF WE WOULD ENJOY AS A TEAM?

SURE, BUT I'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT ELSE THEY HAVE.

SURE.

SURE.

SURE.

SURE.

TAKING TESTS, YOU KNOW?

TAXI!

Teacher: MM HMM, AND OUR PRONUNCIATION.

TELL HER YOU'RE TAKING HER OUT TO THE OPERA,

TELL US, PLEASE.

TELL YOUR TUTOR I SAID HI.

TERRIBLE...

TERRIBLE...

TERRIBLE...

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. HELP!

THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE IT.

THANK YOU. UH, NOW WHERE WERE WE?

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. ALL RIGHT.

THANKS.

THAT DIDN'T HELP THE FEELING FAT PART.

THAT HELPS. OK.

THAT I'D MEET THEM LATER, SO...

THAT IS THE CUTEST THING YOU'VE SAID ALL DAY.

THAT WE PLAY?

THAT WOULD BE ME, ANNIE OAKLEY, SKILLED SHOOTIST,

THAT WOULD IMPRESS ANY LADY I KNOW.

THAT YOU BELONG AT THIS COUNTRY CLUB,

THAT YOU HAVE A HARD TIME PAYING ATTENTION.

THAT YOU'RE A LIAR, YOU KNOW?

THAT'LL SHOW HER MY SENSITIVE

THAT'LL, YOU KNOW

THAT'S A REAL KICKER.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR.

THAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF NOW. YEP.

THAT'S CORRECT!

THAT'S GOOD. SURE.

THAT'S GREAT, BUT, HUH, YOU KNOW,

THAT'S HOW YOU WILL AVOID CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME.

THAT'S IT. IF YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE FOREVER,

THAT'S ME TYPING VERY VERY QUICKLY.

THAT'S NO GOOD.

THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

THAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. IT HAPPENS.

THAT'S THE BEST IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD!

THAT'S THE STUFF THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT.

THAT'S WHAT I GET PAID FOR,

THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY,

THAT'S WHERE THEY STORE THE FROZEN BODIES OF THE ILLEGAL ALIENS.

THAT'S...MOM, THAT'S A DIFFERENT CONVERSATION ENTIRELY.

THE BALL'S IN YOUR COURT.

THE BODYBUILDING COMPETITION.

THE COUNTRY CLUB.

THE DIALOGUE COVERS A LOT OF THAT WHOLE IDEA,

THE GUYS THAT MAKE THE DECISIONS AROUND HERE

THE HOSTAGES GET IT!

THE OTHER TWO. 3.

THE OTHER... TWO.

THE PROBLEM IS HE RAN INTO CYNTHIA.

THE QUESTION WAS ON THIS TEST HERE

THE THINGY?

THE TRICK IS, I THINK, UM,

THE WRONG ANSWERS THAT ONE TIME?

THEN I'M HAVING A HOT DOG.

THEN THERE ISN'T A PROBLEM.

THEN THEY MUST KNOW OF OUR PLAN.

THEN WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING,

THEN WHO NEEDS 'EM? LIE TO MEN.

THEN YOU DON'T GIVE HER THE OPERA.

THEN YOU'RE THERE,

THERE'S NO "M" ON THIS

THERE'S PROBLEMS WITH THE MUSIC?

THESE GUYS TAKE THEMSELVES PRETTY SERIOUSLY.

THEY ASK YOU ANYTHING ABOUT SAM ADAMS?

THEY MUST BE BACK AT MY PLACE.

THEY SEEM LIKE THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING, STARBOY.

THEY WON'T IF WE STOP THEM FIRST.

THEY'RE TWO SEPARATE CHARACTERS.

THIS CAN BE FIXED.

THIS CAN BE FIXED.

THIS IS A FANTASTIC CLUB, JASON.

THIS IS CRAZY, BUT MAYBE YOU MIGHT BE WORKING

THIS IS MY COUNTRY CLUB.

THIS IS POSTPRODUCTION.

THIS IS THE KNOWLEDGE I PASS UNTO THEE.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

THIS IS YOUR DESTINY AND THINGS.

THIS PLACE SUCKS, ANYWAY.

THIS WHOLE THING IS FALLING APART.

THIS'LL JUST TAKE A MINUTE.

THOUGH SAVAGELY IMPEACHED FOR THE SHOOTING OF ABE LINCOLN,

THOUGH YOU DID DIAGRAM THE SENTENCES OF THE QUESTIONS...

TO AN ACCOUNT BEFORE, BUT IT'S A TRUE LUXURY.

TO BE SURPRISING.

TO BRING THESE MOVIES IN ON TIME AND UNDER BUDGET,

TO GET OUR FOOD, ALL RIGHT?

TO MAKE OURSELVES VULNERABLE TO WOMEN?

TO MYSELF AND YOU AND THE WORLD OF TEMPORARY PLACEMENT, RIGHT?

TO PROCESS THIS TO A POINT OF UNDERSTANDINGNESS.

TO RE EXPLAIN IT IN LYRICS, YOU KNOW?

TOLD YOU.

TOO FAR GONE? LOOK, YOU MORONS!

TRUST ME, THAT MIGHT BE GOOD NEWS.

TWO WEEKS IT'LL BE HILARIOUS.

TWO? I'M SORRY, I HAVE TROUBLE WITH THE MATHEMATIC.

TYPING TEST MODEL, PAULA. WHY?

UGH!

UH HM.

UH, I WANT SOME STOCK TIPS.

UH, LOOK, BRENDON, I TALKED TO THE BAND,

UH, NO.

UH, NO. THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE

UH, THE BOOKS.

UH, WHY?

UH, YEAH.

UH, YOU'RE BREAKING UP, JOHN,

UH...

UH...NO.

UH...OH...

UM, HE ISN'T THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE.

UM, LOOK, LOOK, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

UM, NOTHING. I WASN'T NOTHING.

UM, OK.

UM, UH YEAH.

UM, WHAT HAPPENED, BRENDON?

UM, WHY SO MANY PEOPLE HERE?

UM, YEAH, I GUESS.

UM, YES, OF COURSE.

UM...HOLD ON. I HAVE IT IN MY WALLET.

UNDERSTAND, STARBOY?

WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE. I'M SORRY.

WAIT A SECOND, MOM, HELLO?

WAIT, AND THEN WHAT, LOSE THE TICKETS AGAIN?

WAIT, YOU WERE TRYING TO IMPRESS A GIRL BY LYING?

WAIT! I HAVE A PLAN!

WAIT. HELP ME OUT HERE.

WAITER?

WALK AWAY! I'M WALKING!

WANT TO GO SEE A MOVIE? SURE.

WE DEAL WITH YOU, HUH?

WE DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM.

WE DO?

WE HAVE GOT A LOCKED FILM.

WE HAVE TO LEARN THE EVIL HISTORIC IC AL FIGURES' WEAKNESS ES ES.

WE HAVE TO LEARN THEIR WEAKNESSES ES.

WE HAVE TO STOP THEM.

WE STOP THEM BEFORE THEY KILL EVERYONE.

WE THINK IT'S THAT YOU MAY NOT BE READY

WE TOTALLY APPRECIATE IT, JASON.

WE WAIT, AND WE SIT,

WE WORK ON THE MULTIPLICATION, IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?

WE'D JUST SLOWLY KILL THEM NOW.

WE'RE BEING LOWERED INTO THE ACID.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO USE ROCKS!

WE'RE TRYING TO GIVE YOU A GIFT.

WE'VE YET TO REVEAL OUR BIGGEST SECRET.

WELL I'LL BET YOU DO GREAT THIS TIME,

WELL MAYBE I OK, OK, GOOD BYE!

WELL, ARE YOU HUNGRY?

WELL, CAN YOU JUST HAND IT TO ME?

WELL, GO AHEAD AND SAY IT!

WELL, GUYS, I HAVE TO ADMIT,

WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS: THE QUESTION WAS,

WELL, HOW COULD YOU HAVE?

WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.

WELL, I MEAN, EVERYTHING I TOLD YOU WAS A LIE.

WELL, I NEVER SAID I WAS ANGRY.

WELL, IF WE'RE GOING TO DO IT, LET'S DO IT NOW,

WELL, IS THERE A MENU?

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE UP TO OUR CUFFS IN DANGER,

WELL, IT'S BORDERLINE POSTPRODUCTION MUTINY.

WELL, IT'S THE KIND OF MOVIE YOU HAVE TO WATCH A FEW TIMES TO TOTALLY GET.

WELL, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

WELL, ME AND PICASSO DECIDED INSTEAD OF KEEPING THEM AROUND,

WELL, NO PROBLEM.

WELL, THANK YOU, STARBOY.

WELL, THAT'S NICE.

WELL, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

WELL, THE BAD NEWS IS YOU ARE GROUNDED.

WELL, THE FEW ANSWERS THAT YOU TOLD ME WERE WRONG,

WELL, THE JOB MARKET'S TOUGH, YOU KNOW,

WELL, THEN, TWO GRILLED CHEESES.

WELL, THEN, YOU KNOW, BRENDON, WHO CARES?

WELL, THIS IS

WELL, UH, YEAH, UH, LET'S LOOK AT

WELL, WE GOTTA GO TO THE OPERA,

WELL, WE'RE PRODUCERS.

WELL, WELL, NOT SO FAST THERE, LITTLE MISTER.

WELL, WELL, WELL. HELLO AGAIN.

WELL, WELL, WELL. HELLO AGAIN.

WELL, WERE YOU GUYS SURPRISED?

WELL, WHAT DID THEY ASK YOU ABOUT?

WELL, WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

WELL, WHERE ARE THEY?

WELL, YEAH.

WELL, YES, AND WE NEED A STAR.

WELL, YOU PAULA?

WELL, YOU JUST PLUG IN THE AREA 51 ANSWER.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, BRENDON?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOTTEN THAT BEFORE, AND...

WELL, YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM.

WELL, YOU'RE ANGRY BECAUSE I GAVE YOU

WELL, YOU'RE IN NO DANGER OF THAT

WELL, YOU'VE DONE PRETTY MUCH NO HOMEWORK,

WERE WE AGREEING TO VOTE OR WAS THAT THE VOTE?

WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT ENERGY YOU AREN'T USING ON YOUR HOMEWORK?

WHAT ABOUT AREA 52?

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

WHAT ARE YOU HOW DO YOU SUGGEST

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ALL HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SLOW?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, STARBOY OH!

WHAT ARE YOU, AN ANGEL?

WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS' NAMES?

WHAT DO YOU DO, HUH? CANNONBALL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT HAPPENED TO JASON?

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO NOW

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY TO BOTH OF YOU

WHAT IF THEY ASK ME THINGS ABOUT YOU THAT I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT IS?

WHAT NOW DO WE DO?

WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SAY

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, HUH?

WHAT WHAT, YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING ELSE? WE CAN.

WHAT WOMEN? SURE.

WHAT YOU WILL HEAR.

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT? NO!

WHAT? OK, NOW THIS IS GETTING WEIRD, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT? UH, NOTHING.

WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME, IT'S EASY.

WHEN YOUR NEXT COMPETITION IS.

WHERE ARE YOU GUYS FROM?

WHICH COMPETITION, BY THE WAY.

WHICH IS IMPORTANT,

WHICH ONE?

WHICH YOU DID WRONG.

WHILE PEOPLE LIKE ME,

WHILE WE INNOCENTLY DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE,

WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE MY FAVORITE KITTY.

WHO CARES? THEY'LL NEVER KNOW.

WHO DID THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS.

WHO HAVE SOME INTEGRITY AND LOYALTY,

WHO IS IT?

WHO KNOWS? MAYBE THEY'RE BORN THAT WAY.

WHO SAYS I DON'T, YOU KNOW.

WHO THE GUY STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU IS.

WHO TOOK ME IN AND FORCED ME TO SING,

WHO WAS ORPHANED AT A YOUNG AGE.

WHO WAS THAT?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT'S THAT?

WHOA. I THINK I NEED TO BE ALONE

WHOO! YEAH!

WHY ARE WE HANGING OUT AT THE KIDDIE POOL?

WHY DO WE DO I DON'T KNOW.

WHY DO WE OPEN OURSELVES UP

WHY DO WE PLAY THIS CRAZY GAME

WHY DON'T YOU PRETEND TO BE ME

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK FIRST?

WHY NOT?

WHY WHAT?

WHY WHAT?

WHY? BECAUSE HE ISN'T.

WHY? BECAUSE I TRY NEVER TO TAKE MY WORK HOME WITH ME.

WHY? BECAUSE WE BLEND IN WITH THE

WHY? WHY WHAT? WHY NOT?

WHY? WHY?

WILL TURN YOUR WORLD UPSIDE DOWN.

WITH A KID WHO GOES AROUND LYING ALL THE TIME.

WITH LYING TO WOMEN.

WITHOUT ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY BEING THERE

Woman: JOHN McGUIRK?

WOMEN LOVE FLOWERS.

WOW, LORRAINE, HOW ARE YOU?

WOW, REALLY?

YE ARE THE STARBOY.

YEAH WHAT?

YEAH, BUT

YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M STUCK UP.

YEAH, BUT MAN, YOU COULD SAVE A LOT OF TIME

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF THEY FIGURE OUT

YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW,

YEAH, HE JUST SAID THAT.

YEAH, I AM ON THE LINE.

YEAH, I MIGHT TAKE A NAP.

YEAH, I WANTED TO BE EQUAL. YEAH.

YEAH, I'M NOT... WELL...

YEAH, I'M SORRY.

YEAH, IT DOES, OLD FRIEND.

YEAH, IT DOES.

YEAH, IT'S NEVER PICASSO'S FAULT.

YEAH, IT'S WHERE THEY STORE THE FROZEN BODIES

YEAH, LEMONADE. YEP.

YEAH, LET'S GET COOKING ALREADY!

YEAH, NO, I WOULD,

YEAH, NOW GO GET ME A LEMONADE, HUH?

YEAH, REMEMBER THE ONE THAT SAYS "HISTORY"

YEAH, RIGHT HERE.

YEAH, RIGHT. WELL LOOK, UM...

YEAH, SEE, BUT WHAT IF SHE FINDS OUT?

YEAH, SO DID I. IT'S PRETTY DERIVATIVE.

YEAH, SO DO THESE GUYS.

YEAH, SO, MR. PANTS, ARE YOU A MODEL?

YEAH, THAT'S A HISTORY BOOK. OK.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. I DID.

YEAH, UH HUH.

YEAH, UH, CAN WE LOWER OUR VOICES

YEAH, UM, I GOT THAT SOMEWHERE.

YEAH, VERY SLOWLY. YEAH, SPEED IT UP.

YEAH, WE'RE BEING LOWERED INTO IT, GUYS.

YEAH, WELL, I DON'T LIKE TO OVERPREPARE.

YEAH, WELL, THAT QUESTION WASN'T VERY SPECIFIC.

YEAH, WHY?

YEAH, WHY?

YEAH, WILL DO.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, IN THAT SCENARIO,

YEAH, YOU'RE JUST NOW WE'RE JUST TALKING IN CIRCLES, YOU KNOW?

YEAH?

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH. GOTCHA.

YEAH. I'D BE REALLY SURPRISED BY THAT.

YEAH. I'M SORRY. ARE YOU NEW HERE?

YEAH. THANKS FOR HAVING US.

YEAH. WHAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON?

YEP.

YES, AND...?

YES, AS IN CORRECT ON WHAT DO I THINK IS WHAT I SHOULD FOCUS ON?

YES, AS IN CORRECT,

YES, AS IN CORRECT!

YES, AS IN CORRECT?

YES, BUT I DON'T REALLY TEST WELL.

YES, CAP'N.

YES, I AM.

YES, I AM. YES, I AM.

YES, I DO.

YES, I, GEORGE WASHINGTON,

YES, IF ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO US

YES, IT THERE WHY, WHY?

YES, PICASSO?

YES, READY, BECAUSE NOBODY CAN BEAT US, STARBOY.

YES, SIR. WHY?

YES, STARBOY, BUT HOW?BUT HOW?

YES, WE ARE FILMMAKERS.

YES, YES I AM.

YES, YES, YES. THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

YES! BUT I MUST INSIST WE VOTE,

YES?

YES.

YES.

YES.

YES.

YES.

YES. I THINK I DO.

YES. I WOULD LIKE TO GET YOUR OPINION ON THAT

YOU ARE CRAZY. SLOW IT DOWN!

YOU AREN'T MAD, ARE YOU?

YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH SAYING THAT

YOU CERTAINLY DON'T NEED TO HAVE SUCH ATTITUDE.

YOU COULD USE A LITTLE OF THAT ENERGY TO GET TUTORED.

YOU DID NOT ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET YOUR HAIR WET.

YOU DO TAKE FOREVER IN THE BATHROOM. REALLY.

YOU DON'T FINISH YOUR DINNER,

YOU DON'T GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE A PARALYZING TEST ANXIETY.

YOU GAVE ME WRONG ANSWERS, BUT I'M NOT MAD!

YOU GET EASILY DISTRACTED. DID YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU GET TO USE THE POOL,

YOU GET TO USE THE SPA AREA,

YOU GOT HIM.

YOU GOT IT.

YOU GOT TO WATCH YOUR BACK. RIGHT.

YOU GOTTA COMPLAIN, YOU KNOW. SQUEAKY WHEEL.

YOU GOTTA HAVE IT BE UNEXPECTED.

YOU GUYS ARE BROTHERS.

YOU GUYS ARE MORONS.

YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE LIFE TO BE MISERABLE.

YOU HAVE VERY NICE...ARMS.

YOU HEAR THAT, BRENDON?

YOU INTERFERE AND THEY GET IT!

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THIS PARTICULAR TOWN

YOU KNOW, BRENDON, A LOT OF THIS INFORMATION IS ACTUALLY IN YOUR BOOK.

YOU KNOW, FORGET THIS. I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.

YOU KNOW, GET GOOD SERVICE.

YOU KNOW, I AM GEORGE WASHINGTON.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GONNA LIE ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW, ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS LIKE TODAY.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WHO HAVE SHOULD GIVE.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CALL YOUR MOTHER.

YOU KNOW, WE'VE TALKED A LOT

YOU KNOW, WHO'S THIS GUY?

YOU MEAN, LIKE THAT?

YOU MUST'VE JUMPED AHEAD, BECAUSE

YOU OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE,

YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW

YOU REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT AREA 51?

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER THAT.

YOU SHOULD SEND THAT BACK.

YOU THINK IT'S GREAT?

YOU TURNED IN YOUR

YOU WANNA GO THERE? WE CAN.

YOU WANNA GO TO THE ADULT POOL?

YOU WROTE, "THE POPE'S COUSIN, COUNT POPULA,

YOU WROTE, "YES."

YOU, STARBOY, AND YOU, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE,

YOU!

YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHO THIS IS.

YOU'RE 8, YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE 8. WHY PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS?

YOU'RE A GOOD LITTLE GO GETTER, YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE A ONE OF A KIND, GOOD LOOKING, GOOD OLD FASHIONED,

YOU'RE FAILING HISTORY.

YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BUTTHEAD!

YOU'RE JASON.

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ALECK. YOU GOT THE WRONG KID!

YOU'RE NOT A MEMBER.

YOU'VE LURED HER INTO THAT THING WITH OPERA,

YOU'VE ONLY SEEN THIS ONE SCENE.

YOUR INTERNET START UP THAT'S GOING PUBLIC.

YOUR LAST COUPLE OF TEST SCORES, HUH?

YOUR LEMONADE, SIR.

YOUR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS OF UNDERSTANDINGS.

3 GRILLED CHEESES?

5234, RIGHT?

5234.

5234.

5234.

5234.

'CAUSE ALL THE SMART, PRETTY GIRLS, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE I WANNA TELL YOU THE SECRET HERE.

"A MAGICAL MONSTER WITH PENCILS FOR ARMS."

"WHO WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?"

"WHO WROTEHAMLET?"

[ALL LAUGHING]

[APPLAUSE]

[ARGUING STOPS]

[BEEPING]

[BELL RINGING]

[BELL RINGING]

[BELL RINGS]

[CHILDREN ARGUING]

[CLICK, ARGUING]

[FURIOUS TYPING]

[FURIOUS TYPING]

[GIGGLING] KIDDING, LOOK, UM,

[LAUGHING]

[NERVOUSLY LAUGHING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING] HOLD ON. HELLO?

[PLAYING HARD ROCK]

[SCREAMING]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS] YOU DID.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[WHISPERING]

[YELLING]

[ZAP]

[ZAP]

[ZAP]